Carlise682: Thank you.
IJustWannaReadEpicStories: Thank you for your honest opinion. You are right about the info-dumping, especially when I looked back, and I am working on revising it. Still, I did warn everyone that this would mostly be an internal story.
"Shelving hard decisions is the least ethical course."
Adrian Cadbury
Leah hit the ground with a slam. Chunks of dirt and tufts of grass flew into the air as she rolled to a stop.
"Shift back." Gabriel instructed. Leah let out a sigh and allowed herself to phase back into her human form.
Above her, Gabriel the Alpha stood, shaking his head. "Your stance's good but you need a lot of work." He said frankly, before he reached out a hand to draw her up. The hand he offered had claws protruding from his fingers.
Leah forced down the grimace and accepted it. He hauled her to her feet. Unlike Leah's species who instantly changed from human to Wolf in a single split second, Gabriel and Vivian's had 'half-forms'; a slower metamorphosis by nature which saw them shift from human to Wolf with something in between. Vivian stood nearby, unclothed, but in her half-form.
Although Leah had largely desensitised herself to nudity being the sole girl in an all-guys' pack, she was still wary about being seen naked in her human form by any of them. Nudity wasn't a problem for these other Wolves, however. When Gabriel and Vivian announced their intentions to take her and the rest of her pack- the ones in the know- for a practice fight, their pack-mates followed. Leah had been completely stunned to see them all strip naked without even underwear. No one batted a single eyelash. Clearly, they all expected her to do the same thing- which she did, albeit hesitantly. But no one reacted, she received no cat-calls, wolf-whistles or anything like that. Not even leers and admiring glances. But that wasn't the most shocking thing.
Their human backs sprouted fur, their ears tufts. Limbs twisted and Leah heard the sickening sounds of spines crunching while she could see on Vivian's hands that her nails grew into claws. Most of Vivian's chiselled human-like features were still evident, as was her tawny mane, but her nose had become distinctly canine and fur had grown all over her face, albeit shorter than the rest of her. Leah asked if this was normal for the other species.
Vivian shrugged. "Depends." Vivian guided Leah over to the clearing and warned her that tradition dictated that females usually stayed out of the fight. "But not the Law." She clarified. "Males, human or Wolf, are in a different weight category, and this could mean life or death if your opponent is twice your size." Vivian warned, while Leah swallowed nervously. "And in Jacob's state, if everything you guys say is true, he's not going to care who you were to him, or what you've done, or even everything you've been through together or how much this is going to hurt your family and his if he kills or harms you. He's only got one thing in his mind."
"Renesmee." Leah whispered. Vivian nodded grimly. "And anyone who stands between them both is an enemy in his head, even family, let alone friends." She insisted. "So forget who he was, forget who he was to you, or to your family. He's lashing out and he's dangerous; he's a cornered beast. This means you have to be twice as cunning, twice as fast, and most importantly, when you see a glimpse of opportunity in the fight, you have to seize it. Don't hesitate or it will cost you. Once you're on the ground, once first blood has been drawn and if it's yours..." Vivian paused for emphasis "-then you've lost. You have no choice but to injure him. Draw blood. Even if you don't want to kill him you have to make him bleed. Injure him enough to keep him on the ground."
Leah felt sick. "What if I kill him?" She whispered. "Accidentally, I mean."
"Trust yourself." Vivian warned. "Remember what your purpose is and why you're fighting. You've got more purpose and meaning to be in this fight than Jacob does. He's not even fighting for something he's already lost, he's fighting for something that was never his in the first place, something that doesn't exist. Remember, you're both Woman and Wolf. Find a balance between the pair and don't let the Wolf or the girl dominate over the other. If you can find a balance, you can use everything you have at your disposal. Then, you can win.
"Don't even hesitate." Vivian warned again. "The boy you once knew is gone- either that or he's going to die if he wins. Your victory is the only thing that can save him."
And that was how Leah ended up rolling in the dirt yet again. Gabriel coached her, shifting back and forth from half-form to Wolf form. Leah mostly stayed in Wolf form, much to her relief, but now she shifted back, completely nude with no fur to cover her. Yet Gabriel and Vivian, and the members of their pack said nothing, even though Seth squeezed his eyes shut and Embry and Quil both turned red and looked away. But Leah couldn't bring herself to care for long: this was no time for embarrassment. Or for being a prude.
She sighed. "What did I do wrong?"
Gabriel exchanged glances with his wife. "You're easy to flip." He said slowly.
"Thanks." Leah said bluntly.
"What I meant was your footing isn't stable." Gabriel replied. "If you wish to avoid being overpowered by him, it may be good to move quickly but if you're not looking to be tossed aside and around like a rag doll..." he shook his head.
"If you're on the ground and you lose your footing you're dead." He said frankly. "But even if you plan to clamber all over him to subdue him- since he has the upper hand when it comes to size- you still have to hold yourself steady. Don't let him toss you about."
That was easier said than done, Leah thought grimly. She shifted back, as Gabriel indicated, much to the Quileute boys' relief (seriously, she once saw Seth without diapers), and took a deep breath.
Leah could see what Vivian meant when she told her to find the balance between the girl and the Wolf. The Wolf was inhumanly strong and fast; she had teeth like knives, and sharper senses than a human's. But the Wolf was easily controlled by her impulses and where it would take her in the immediate moment. The girl had none of the Wolf's advantages, with the exception of one: her mind. She could think, plan ahead, adjust or change her plans, improvise if need be.
Would that be enough? Leah didn't know. All she knew was that a solid, living wall of muscle, fur, fangs and bone was making his way towards her. Gabriel was big, and so was Jacob, so she had to try and turn that around to use to her advantage.
Gabriel lunged, Leah feinted sideways, only to clamber onto his back. Snarling, the two Wolves wrestled, Gabriel trying to toss her off, Leah using whatever strength she had left to keep a tight hold over him.
Pin him down, she thought.
She shifted and put all her weight into pulling him down towards the ground, but quickly, feinting, almost rolling to the side before Gabriel could realise what she was doing and react. Almost. Instead, Leah- gently enough not to seriously injure Gabriel in this mock-fight, but strong enough to keep him subdued- grabbed his ears with her snout, placed all four legs on either side of his body and pushed him as hard as she could into the earth.
Time stopped.
"I think this could work," Vivian spoke, still in her half-form. Her voice carried a tone of surprise. "Jacob's not going to give up that easily." Embry warned. Vivian grimaced, nodding.
"No, that's when she has to injure him," the Luna explained "and draw first blood. Only then can we have a winner unless they decide to fight to the death."
"Which Jacob could very well do." Quil protested. Seth blanched. Vivian thought about it, then slowly shook her head. Leah clambered off Gabriel and allowed him to rise.
"I don't think so," Vivian murmured thoughtfully. "Not unless your Council of Elders makes the rules clear from the start and veto any idea or suggestion of a duel to the death. After that, even if Jacob refuses to give up and counter-attacks, it will still legally be your victory and they don't have any grounds to refute that."
"They could rebel." Bucky Diderot warned her. "Rise against the council's authority." Gabriel nodded.
"You're right, they could." Vivian conceded. "But the best of them would not support the uprising or rebellion. You said it yourself: only a handful of Wolves have imprinted and along with Jacob, and at least one of the imprints is sure to want out." She reminded, referring to Rachel. She was right: Kim might still wish to stay with Jared. They couldn't know until it was time or unless they asked, but they could risk their plans being uncovered. "Unless their imprinters kidnap or take them of their own free will... and even then, even the imprints who do wish to stay and are committed to their imprinters, and the other Wolves who have a clear head would be forced to see that there's something wrong. Maybe some of the imprinters themselves. Do they really want to force someone to be there of their own free will, fearing and hating them for the rest of their lives?" She sounded dubious.
Leah had to concede that she had a point. She couldn't see Kim or even Emily agreeing to anyone being kept against their own free will, or in any way being complicit, trying to spin it as something romantic. But could she? A chill spread to her: under the influence of the imprint, Sam had stalked Emily all the way from La Push to her house in Neah Bay. After he'd broken up with Leah he spent two whole days just waiting for Emily to return home. Now that Leah wasn't so emotionally agonised about all this, she could see just how disturbing this had been. How in the world could anyone have ever thought it was romantic, or even normal? Frankly, she didn't have any answers. Maybe Sam was right in that he'd been so determined not to hurt her any more than he already had so he forced himself to stay away from Emily while she was with Leah. But that was still creepy.
And Emily just laid down and let him go through with it. She'd refused the imprint, been horrified at first on behalf of Leah- Leah now wondered, if a small part of Emily could have been horrified for herself. If she'd refused to accept the imprint initially not just because Sam had been Leah's boyfriend, but because they barely knew each other apart from a few times when Emily visited her in La Push and now he not only believed but he expected her to believe that they were soulmates. Emily had gotten out of one bad relationship with Daniel, and while she might have wished to have a love the way she thought that Leah had with Sam, Leah was certain that Emily never specifically wished for Sam or for something like this. And then he'd torn half her face off when she finally put her foot down, became angry and tried to get him to leave, only for him to refuse... was it love or was it guilt or fear, either for herself or for what Sam could do to himself, which compelled Emily to finally give in and accept the imprint?
Leah's stomach churned. Either way, it sounded like emotional blackmail; the way Jacob had gotten a second and third kiss from Bella, and she wasn't even his imprint. "Don't think about it too much," Vivian warned, seeing the look in Leah's eyes and guessing correctly where her thoughts were headed. "Just remember: you are both girl and Wolf. You have to remember to be both so you can win."
Leah swallowed and nodded.
"Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love."
Mario Teguh
Bella
When I arrived back in the Cullen house in Forks, the first thing I did was to blink my eyes. It felt as if I'd split into two different people: one of them knew where she was and recognised this place as being familiar, as her home, somewhat. But this person also felt the aching pang of loneliness and emptiness upon gazing at the house which had been the home of their many happy family members and memories, the same way they would if a person they loved who had been a central figure of said-family had died and they were now entering the empty house.
The other person inside me, on the other hand, stared in confusion at the wide empty space. There was no sense of familiarity within her. She didn't recognise this place, didn't understand why it would mean so much to the other half of her. This place was alien, foreign, completely unfamiliar and uncharted territory.
I forced myself to snap out of it. Sue was bringing Renesmee over.
So I sat down on the sofa and waited patiently in silence.
Rosalie and Jasper knew better than to disturb me. Emmett and Alice had remained behind with Edward, Carlisle and Esme. Edward's sentence would be carried out after the Volturi's. Same as Alec and Jane.
I didn't know how to feel about that. Jane and Alec had been objects of fear and terror, outrage and indignation and yet... at the heart of it all, they'd been deceived. Just like me- only far, far worse. I couldn't imagine how they would feel and what they were going through. They'd been betrayed, used, manipulated for the purposes of being Aro's pawns, and put through a lot of grief, anguish and pain... and as it turns out the one they loved the most besides each other had been the one responsible for, if not everything, then almost everything they had suffered. And they had been stuck as his pawns, with Corin on standby in case they needed to be placated and Chelsea in case either of them started questioning Aro or Caius' judgment, for roughly a thousand years, only to suddenly found out their father-figure not only used and betrayed them, he was not as good as they believed him to be. And he'd made them do so many things, hurt and kill so many people... all for what? Not for the greater good. Not for everyone's safety. Not even for revenge. Certainly not for them. But for himself. For power.
And they were stuck as adolescent twelve-year-old kids in a never-ending nightmare which they could never wake or take a rest from. Only after a millennia did the family they thought they had founded and built after they had lost their mother turn out to be a torrid lie.
I didn't know how they would feel. Only that it was doubtful that Jane and Alec could be cured. They were frozen in time after all. Frozen in the exact same mental state they'd acquired after seeing their mother murdered for protecting them, when they had been innocent children. They had been tortured and burned at the stake. They had been forced, without their consent, to change into blood-drinking, sleepless, frozen creatures who existed for eternity in a mockery of their human lives... and their pain, hatred, rage and grief at whom they had lost, what had been done to them had been thoroughly exploited by Aro.
If that were me... in their position, would I have acted any better? Did any better.
I would have liked to say that I did, but I couldn't be certain. No, I didn't believe I could be any different at all. I had no more illusions about myself.
I sighed. Sure enough, I heard the sound of a car approaching.
Sue opened the front door. Renesmee followed after her.
"I had to convince your father to stay behind. He wants to be there for Renesmee and you, but I'm not sure if either of you will be able to hold off explanations and a heart-to-heart until after all this is done and you've dealt with your own internal feelings." Sue confessed. She looked down at Renemsee. I took my daughter's hand.
Taking a deep breath, I explained to my daughter the outcome of the trial, and the sentence her father would have to endure. I didn't tell her about what I discovered. I shouldn't mollycoddle her, I know I shouldn't. But I should at least spare her this.
That was my price to pay and mine alone... with the sole exception of Edward.
Renesmee will never know the true extent of her father's betrayal.
As I told her, Renesmee was silent. "I've come to take you to the Carpathians," I told her softly "to say our goodbyes. Your grandparents, aunts and uncles will be able to visit him once he's been set free, but neither of us not going to see him again for over three hundred years."
Renesmee bit her lip. She looked into my eyes, and just as she did when she was a child, a surge of thoughts poured into my head past my shield. I understood, even before she showed me what she thought and felt.
On one hand, Edward was her father, the man to free and take her out and the first to hold her once she'd been released from the suffocating agony just prior to her birth. He'd loved and went all out to protect her, or so it seemed. He wrote, sang and played lullabies on the piano to calm or lull her to sleep.
On the other hand, he was also the man who had mentally manipulated and psychologically abused her. He had sought to keep her prisoner, not merely out of love and fear of external threats, unlike me, but to ease his own guilt. He'd put her down, acted condescending, gas-lit her whenever she expressed her opinions or desire for something different, to expand the boundaries of her small, narrow world... and he'd betrayed her by creating her only to hate and blame her for being something she did not choose and could not help: his daughter. He directed all his self-hate and blame onto her, an innocent person who was helpless and completely in his mercy. He'd schemed to abandon her in the woods, or to give her to the Wolves as soon as she was born, as a peace offering to them and a means for her to be executed for crimes she did not understand or knew she committed, all as she gazed at him with her wide, trusting, innocent and unknowing chocolate-brown eyes.
She didn't know how to feel about him. And if I had to be honest, neither did I. At least until meeting with Lady Laima. I knew it was her way of punishing Edward and I, and the rest of us, even Jacob, for causing the Della Rosas' deaths and endangering the entire vampire race and the wizards. Yet I also sensed that I would have been forced to accept the inescapable truth sooner or later: that my happy marriage and romance with Edward was nothing more than an illusion.
Aro and Caius' sentencing would be carried out in a few hours' time. It was a surreal thing for many of us, including myself. No one would have ever thought that it would have been that easy to get rid of Aro and Caius.
It had taken days for me to recover from the shock and agonising, heart-wrenching betrayal that raged inside, but I eventually roused myself sooner than I'd expected, sooner than I had when Edward left me in the woods almost two years ago. I'd departed for Forks with Jasper and Rosalie in tow, while the other Cullens remained behind, although Jasper swore- needlessly, since I could see his guilt was sincere and he'd stopped of his own free will- that he would never manipulate my emotions or Renesmee's.
The others were spending time with and saying goodbye to Edward. And soon, so would we. It was the least I could do, after all, since this whole mess and everything that had been done was not only Edward's fault or Jacob's, but mine as well.
It was time to say goodbye to my husband, the boy I had loved, the knight in shining armour or the guardian angel that I thought I'd had, just as it was time to say goodbye to the girl I had once been.
I took a deep breath. "I know." I addressed my daughter quietly. She looked at me with wide eyes that were very much a mirror of mine. "But there's something else I have to tell you." Dimly, I noticed that Rosalie and Jasper had both left the room.
"I'm going to divorce Edward." I whispered. "I can't do it now and I won't because he doesn't deserve to sit in prison on his own and deal with a broken heart and the knowledge that his wife and his daughter has abandoned him for over the next three hundred years." I saw a flicker of understanding in Renesmee's brown eyes. "So he's not going to know. He's not going to know until he's released from prison, even though he'll still be banished away from us and I need to tell him that our marriage is over, and I can be sure that he won't go anywhere near either of us because I don't trust him not to do anything, or say anything to try to manipulate and change our minds. So, please keep quiet about that." Renesmee's eyes widened, and she nodded fervently.
I took a deep breath. My hands tightened but my grip was still gentle around her small hand. "I'm going to officially end our marriage by filing for divorce once he has been released from prison and I have told him." I hesitated, since Edward still wasn't allowed to meet either of us face to face once he had been released, but maybe I could get an exception. I owed it to him to tell Edward to his face at the very least. I decided upon a date: six months after Edward's release from prison.
I looked at her in concern. "Can you deal with that?" I asked, worriedly. "Can you keep a secret?" Slowly, looking like the toddler she was when the Volturi approached, she nodded.
"Edward has made official arrangements. His will and testament... his mother, your biological grandmother Elizabeth Masen-" Renesmee looked up at me with massive eyes, and I realise, with guilt knotting my insides, that this was the first time she had ever even heard her biological paternal grandmother's name, whereas she'd been named after Esme and Renée, the latter of whom hadn't even met or even knew about her existence and was the person I'd tried to protect her from.
I swallowed. "Well, she's Edward's birth mother." I told her. "She had a number of children, including a daughter, but, sadly, they all died really young and Edward was the only one who survived. She poured all her heart and soul into raising him and stopped him from running away to go to war before he even grew up." A hysterical laugh bubbled up my throat. "She died in 1918, in the Spanish influenza epidemic that hit Chicago, where they lived and your father was born. Carlisle was the one who treated and tried to save them. Elizabeth," I took a shaky breath, suddenly feeling ashamed, "gave her life and made her own condition worse just so she could nurse Edward back to health, since he was so much worse than her and he was the only child she'd had left." And I never even acknowledged her, not when I named my daughter, even though I'd planned to name a son after Edward and his father, who'd been much more distant to him than she was, and not even when I had been madly in love with Edward, or so I thought. "She made Carlisle promise, with her very last breath, to save Edward and give him the second chance at life she felt he deserved to have, even if it meant doing for him what Carlisle had never or could never do for anyone else. To this day, Carlisle doesn't know if Elizabeth knew what he was." Although it was possible, if Elizabeth herself knew of her own origins, that she knew vampires existed and may have correctly identified Carlisle as one.
"Since she had no daughters that survived, she left her entire jewellery collection to Edward to give to his wife and to hold in trust for any daughters she hoped that he might have." I hesitated. "She wanted you to have her property."
Renesmee hesitated, and once again, an unspoken flow of mental communication moved past my mental barriers. Along with something else...
She thought that Edward had squandered and wasted his second chance, the chance that Carlisle had spent roughly a century giving to him, and the chance that Elizabeth, his own mother, had died for.
I couldn't deny it: when you looked back at Edward's life and what he had done or chosen to do with it, it was hard not to think that. I felt my lips twitch.
"Yeah, she wouldn't be happy with him." I agreed. "She would never have agreed with any of the things he's done. But she wanted a granddaughter, and I'm certain that she would love you if she had ever been lucky enough to even know that you existed. And she left this jewellery collection especially for you. I can't use it, since I'm not going to be Edward's wife for much longer-" unless it was in name, and even then he wouldn't find out. But I still wouldn't use Elizabeth Masen's jewellery collection even if I liked jewellery because I had no plans to stay in this marriage. "-and she did want her son's wife to hold it in trust for any granddaughters she would have, so they could use it once they'd grown up. So your fath- Edward's left everything to you, including his parents' old house, where he was born and where he lived and grew up in. He wanted to leave everything to me and you, and for me to hold everything in trust for you, but I told him that the ordinary humans are going to be suspicious since I transformed at eighteen years old- too young to be your mother." I told her. "And no one in Chicago has seen Edward for over fifty years, so they may be expecting him to be older by now."
Renesmee frowned and, still unwilling to break her silence, sent me more concerned thoughts.
"They won't ask questions if Edward's not around," I promised her. "They'll know and accept that you're his daughter." Even though we never officially registered Renesmee's birth, since that would lead to a ton of questions that could never be answered to them, the vampires in the New-World Coven, founded by Amelia, who were based in New York, and MACUSA who was also based in the same city, had helped us in that regard.
It was strange, alien after so long yet at the same time both familiar strangely comforting to have Renesmee not only address me by speaking, but to share her thoughts and feelings by her touch once more. It had been so long since she had done that, I couldn't remember the last time that she did, only it must have been months ago and yet it felt like so many years had passed since then. It was a saddening testament to how strained our relationship had been, how out of touch both her parents had been with our daughter, that she had stopped doing that to either of us or Jacob. She no longer trusted us, and perhaps she would never trust Edward or Jacob again, but she had started to open up to me... perhaps she had forgiven me.
I vowed never to squander her trust. I vowed never to take anything for granted ever again. Including my luck and my blessings.
I took a deep breath. "Are you up for it?" I didn't want to force her to go. But it was as much a time for her to say goodbye for her dad as it was for me to say goodbye to my husband... and the girl that fell for the fairytale.
Renesmee hesitated. Then, slowly, she nodded.
I turned to Sue who observed us in silence. "When will-" as I tried to get the words out of my mouth, Sue understood and took pity on me, her eyes softening. "Soon." She promised. "Take your time. The Wolves from the Appalachians are approaching. Gabriel and Vivian suggested that they needed to get acquainted with the pack first before... before breaking the news."
I pursed my lips and nodded. I swallowed. "Thank you." I whispered. Sue looked saddened, for some reason, but she nodded.
Then, hand in hand, Renesmee and I walked towards the fireplace. "Hold on tight." I told her. She nodded. I took a handful of the glittering ash-like powder and announced, "Old-World Coven in the Carpathians, Transylvania." Then threw the handful of powder in front of our feet.
When we got to the Old-World Coven, Renesmee's eyes were wide. She was slightly dizzy from the effects of travelling that way for the first time, but thankfully, not as much as she would be had she been fully human. Esme came up to greet us. Renesmee relaxed at her arrival.
Esme gave her granddaughter a small smile. "How are you feeling?" She asked her.
"Better," Renesmee admitted. "A bit but..." she hesitated. We understood; this was an uncertain time for her. Her world had been completely flipped upside down. I took a deep breath and gave her hand a comforting squeeze.
"Come on," I urged. "Let's go see Edward." I looked back at Esme. "Does he-" Esme shook her head. "He isn't aware of anything with the sole exception of Renesmee's imprint bond with Jacob which is about to be reversed-" Renesmee and I both started "-and why. Apart from that..." she shook her head.
"He says that you told Renesmee about Edward wanting you to get an abortion." Esme warned. Renesmee winced, and so did I while Esme looked filled with regret.
"Oh, dear," Esme sighed, bending down to Renesmee's level. "He hated me." Renesmee whispered. "Didn't he?"
I hesitated because, in all honesty...
"He hated himself." I found myself saying. "He hated himself and he directed all his blame and hatred of himself towards you, just as Jacob directed all the blame and anger, the pain and hurt that he felt because of me and Edward towards you, even though you did nothing wrong."
Renesmee looked up at me. Tears in her chocolate-brown eyes. "But why?"
"Because he was brought up to think of vampires, Cold Ones, as an enemy." I explained. "And they were enemies. The Cold Man who murdered those innocent Makah maidens and the Quileute warriors, the Cold Woman who directed her rage and hatred towards the rest of the Quileute tribe and blamed them... when the Quileutes were finally confronted with the Cullens they were stumped. Vampires seem to give up all semblance of their human selves after they've turned, and they're not wrong: it's hard to feed and satisfy your thirst completely, when you remember that you were once just like them. They agreed to let the Cullens stay, but it takes a long time to gain trust when such bad things have happened.
"I broke Jacob's heart." I said, after a pause. "I hurt him because... because I was silly and careless and selfish and weak. I thought I knew what I was doing, and that this was a little thing and he would forget or get over it soon... but it didn't happen that way. After your father tore my heart to pieces, thinking it was the best thing to do to keep me safe, he made me feel that I wasn't good for anybody to love. I was so scared of being alone, so desperate that I sought out Jacob. Allowing him to think that I was interested in him in a different way than just to be friends. Letting myself feel happy, excited even, when he and his friends showed signs of him falling for me. All to drive away the loneliness, the sorrow, the heartbreak and to prop up my fragile, needy self-esteem which had also been destroyed." I shook my head.
"I didn't realise what I was doing to him." I said mournfully. "And I am going to regret this forever." I knew I would carry the weight of what I did to Jacob, and how I utterly destroyed his life, for the rest of my eternity. Especially if this meant that not only Jacob be abandoned and heartbroken once more, but he would lose his home forever.
"I hurt Jacob more than I was willing to admit." I confessed sadly. "Jacob... Jacob had every right to blame and hate me, to never want to see me again, but he couldn't bring himself to do that. He couldn't hate me. He couldn't bring himself to hurt and blame me, but he couldn't move on just yet, or didn't think he could. So I think he tried hating vampires instead, the Cullens most especially, but they had earned his respect. Not only did they not eat humans, your fa-Edward told him that he was willing to give me up, even if it meant that I would choose Jacob in the end, just so I wouldn't have to give up my human life. Jacob had no reason to actually hate Edward for that, and he respected him."
I hesitated. "He didn't want to listen that you were actually innocent and that it wasn't your fault I was in so much pain during the pregnancy, because he needed something to hate and be angry at... anything to stop or make him forget the pain he was actually in, and to direct all the hatred and anger he felt towards me and Edward for putting him through all of this." I swallowed, overcome with my guilt.
"But he wasn't in love with me anymore than Edward was," I said softly, forcing myself to continue. "He saw Emily, how she cooked for, looked after and fit right in with the pack, even though she was human. I'd spent my life looking after my mom, and later my dad, and he thought I might be like Emily. At the same time, I was the first girl who he took an interest with and he thought the feeling was mutual. I was Charlie's daughter; Charlie and Billy were old friends, they see themselves as brothers, so I had some connection to his family, but at the same time..." I paused. "I was from Phoenix. I was the new girl in town. It was a strange place to me. When your dad left, I looked for ways to numb the pain, to hallucinate about him." I shook my head angrily, ashamed at everything I had done. "I turned to Jake's hobby: motorcycles. He thought I was into that. He saw himself as the hero who was going to save me from being the Undead."
"Fairytales aren't real." Renesmee whispered.
Part of me broke that she had to say that. That her innocence had to be broken in such a way. But a part of me was relieved: she would never make the same mistakes as I had; she would never squander her life chasing a dream based on stories written to amuse young children and lift them from the daily drudgeries of life.
"Both Edward and Jacob fell in love with what and who they wanted to see." I whispered. "And they hated who or what they wanted to hate. For Edward's case, he hated what he thought was himself, or an extension of himself. A reminder of who he was and what he can never be. He was a boy just out of the reach of adulthood. He could never move on and live his life the way he wished. So when I came in, he tried to indulge in his fantasies. He had me dressed up in blue, hair curled, took me to the prom when my leg was still mending on a single high heel... so I could be held solely by him. He could feel like he was a man, not a boy or a vampire, when he held me, but a grown human man. And he did his best to indulge in that fantasy, trying to keep me human at all costs, partly because he didn't want me to be stuck as he was, but also because he feared it could break his fantasies. Even after he had no choice but to turn me, Edward still insisted upon living that dream. He was a husband in with a lovely house, a wife and a kid who he both looked after. Who both depended on him, the way they would back in the times when Edward was a human." I paused and took a deep, shuddering breath. "The fact that my pregnancy reminded him that this was just a fantasy and this was a half-vampire baby that I was carrying... disrupted that. Even more so since he had to face that fact that he had no choice but to change me if he wanted me to live. But he managed to pick up the fantasy right after."
Renesmee stared at me with wide brown eyes. Suddenly, I felt some sort of acceptance and understanding from her. She may not have forgiven him, in fact she may never forgive him, or at least she would certainly never trust him again, but she now understood. At the heart of it all, Edward was a boy, a child. And so was she.
"For Jacob, he hated me and Edward, or a part of us that wasn't either the guy he'd grown to respect or the girl he thought he loved, and he hated not being able to hate- truly hate- either of us for the pain we'd brought him." I thought about Leah, and that this must have been close to how she felt towards Sam and Emily, once. How hard would it have been, to realise and finally see and be forced to accept that the ones who caused you so much pain and grief for no reason, whom you trusted above everyone else only to betray you couldn't even be hated or blamed for what they did. No wonder she lashed out and did what she could to make everybody feel bad. No wonder she'd hated me. Because unlike Sam and Emily, we had no excuse for an imprint. Unlike Sam, I did not genuinely love Jacob, or had even been infatuated with him for that long before I led him on and played with him.
"It was my fault too. I fell in love with who or what I wanted to see. I didn't want to see the real person- in either of them." I paused. "Not the persons that wasn't the guardian angel, the fairytale prince, or the knight in shining armour. Or the heroic Wolf, the guardian who protected humans, including me. I was wrong."
There was a pause. Renesmee looked up at me. "Does that mean that Edward, since he hated me not because of me or anything I did, loves who or what he wants to see in me?" She whispered.
I didn't know how to answer. "You're probably right." I whispered. "He lamented about us not having kids to fulfil his fantasies... and he wanted me to have a human child." It was Renesmee's turn to take a shuddering breath. "But at the very least, we can say goodbye to the dreams that we all had."
Renesmee inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. I took a shaky breath. Esme's eyes looked like they could be damp with tears. "Come." She gestured.
When we finally got to the cells, Renesmee was quiet. I'd worried she would either start breaking down, or lashing out at Edward, or maybe both, but she acted calm. She was used to controlling her thoughts to hide things from him, just to get a little privacy, and this was no different. In fact, it was easier, thanks to the silver magic inhibitor placed around Edward's neck.
She embraced Edward, and Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice all departed to give the three of us some time alone. Our very last as a family.
Not that Edward knew.
A part of me felt guilt for deceiving him as he embraced our daughter for the first time in around a month. But I knew this was necessary. He didn't stop me from taking preventative measures to stop him from enforcing an abortion. Even though he'd manipulated and twisted my feelings and the words in my mouth and the thoughts in my head, I'd grown smarter since then. I'd taken measures. And that included not letting him know how I really thought and what I really felt.
I would thank my lucky stars that my daughter had come into my life.
"I'm sorry, Dad." Renesmee whispered as he held her close.
"No, I'm sorry, Renesmee." Edward whispered in return. "Sorry I can't be there for you for the next three-hundred-and-thirty-three years. I'm going to miss everything."
Renesmee took a deep breath. She pulled away. Edward looked at me.
"We're leaving Forks," I said, my breath catching. I forced myself to continue. Edward nodded.
"I expected as such." he murmured. "Where will you go?"
"We're staying here, in the Carpathians, until our new government has control over the rest of our species and we've found our own footing." I explained. "And then we'll leave. I don't know what I'll do, but Carlisle and Esme are part of the ruling council, Jasper and Emmett have signed up, sort of as an armed forces and police force, Rosalie looks like she wants to study medicine and Alice wants to learn more about how to use her powers, from other seers."
The last parts surprised me. Rosalie looking to practice medicine in any way was sudden, and I didn't know where it had come from. Alice, meanwhile... I suspected Lady Laima's words to her had shaken her faith in her own abilities.
"Carlisle has also been invited by Gabrielle," I said slowly, hesitantly. "Meaning Rosalie and Esme could too... if they're not too busy, they'll study both the supernatural aspect of things. I think Carlisle mentioned that Gabrielle was forming some part of a team, dedicated to supernatural and magical research, and diplomacy between all supernatural-kinds."
They had been quiet vague on that, but I decided not to pry. Now was not the time.
Edward nodded. His green eyes glazed with pain. I remembered how much I had imagined the colour of those eyes, how I'd dreamed that our baby would have them, and how much I wished I could see them.
"I'm sorry, love." He whispered.
"I'm sorry too." I whispered back. More than he knew. Edward's lips trembled. "I love you both," he barely managed "so much."
I took a deep breath. "I love you too," I choked "no one has ever loved anyone the way I loved you."
And the sad truth was, I wasn't lying. But it wasn't because of the way Edward had perceived it. No one had been as blind as we both were- and Jacob. No one in the history of the world had ever been- and I prayed that no one will ever repeat our mistakes.
And in an even sadder note, I wasn't lying about loving him. But once I had said those words, the part of me that did- the same part that looked around the Cullen house and the cottage as her home, which had been shrinking, I now realised- slowly shrank further...
And completely disappeared. Vanishing without a trace.
"There are no rewards or punishments - only consequences."
William Inge
"Aro of the Volturi, Caius of the Volturi. Chelsea, formerly known as Charmion, Afton, Corin-" the vampire, an unknown male of our own species, slowly intoned all the names of the ones who would be sentenced to death: the most guilty of Aro and Caius' accomplices.
"For the crimes of murdering innocents, particularly children and wizards, endangering your entire kind and species, kinslaying, treason, betrayal, murder, false charges, accusations and bearing false witnesses, the executions of innocents, the enslavement of your fellow kind via enchantment and coercion, corruption-" and so their list of crimes went on, as the male's strong voice rang clear throughout the room. "You are hereby sentenced to death."
It was nothing they had not been expecting, but I didn't think they understood until it slowly dawned on them and they weren't getting a way out. Aro's eyes grew wide and panicked. They darted about fearfully, frantically. Slowly, Caius started to feel panic himself. He was breathing hard, hyperventilating, even without needing it, his pale eyes darting frantically about, as if searching for an escape, a way out of a bad dream.
Too bad there was none.
Chelsea was shivering, shaking and trembling. Her mate Afton moved closer to her side, and held her hand tight within his, even though he too trembled.
A crowd had gathered within the execution chamber. Hidden away in the turret of a tower overlooking the courtyard below, it was a round and cavernous vault, nowhere near as vast as the auditorium for the trials, or the gathering halls of both Markus and Viktor, or even the Elders' tomb, but still large enough to send chills within my insides. Cobwebs hung from the domed ceiling. Shuttered windows kept out the sunlight, since it was broad daylight outside. Large wooden posts had been reinforced with riveted iron supports, which occupied the centre of the space we were in. In a shadowy alcove, I glimpsed a large rusted iron wheel, for what purposes I couldn't fathom.
"Do you have any final words before your sentence is carried out?" He asked. "Or perhaps a final exchange with the ones you love and whom you have wronged?"
The other vampires of different species stood quietly in the background.
After a second of silence, Caius himself burst out. "You're all FOOLS!" He raged, the words spewing from his mouth, his pale eyes glistening with malice. "FOOLS TO THINK THAT YOU CAN TRUST THEM! FOOLS TO BELIEVE THAT YOU COULD PUT OUR SPECIES' FATE IN THEIR HANDS AND IN THOSE OF THESE MAGICIANS!"
"Actually," Garrett spoke suddenly, his voice dry. "We govern ourselves." Caius and Aro's heads snapped towards his direction. "That much has been agreed on."
Caius laughed mockingly. "As if you could believe that! And how do you plan to take control over the rest of our species? Not every one of us were present for those sham trials."
"We'll find a way." Benjamin shrugged. "And yes, we do believe that, Caius." Caius stared at him incredulously. "Because we came together to unite. They offered us a chance, but the wizards and the other vampire species didn't set any terms apart from remaining on good terms with them, staying hidden and not killing humans. This is not going to be dictatorship, not unlike what you and the Romanians had centuries ago." They stared in panic. For the first time, I could see the fear behind the rage and hatred in Caius' eyes. We could hear the calm certainty in Benjamin's voice, with Siobhan nodding nearby, and I knew that was what she willed as well. "Nor will we enslave anyone. Anyone who wishes to join will join us. Every vampire will have his or her own say. They'll have more than enough chances and opportunities, even if they don't want to be part of an army or a ruling council. We're building a new world, not just a society, from scratch."
Panic rose in Caius' features.
Aro addressed Sulpicia. "Sulpicia," he whispered. "My love... I never did anything to hurt you." She stared at him. "You know that I would sooner kill myself before hurting you!" He declared in desperation. She stared at him expressionlessly.
Aro tried again. "I love you." He breathed. His declaration of love did nothing to sway his mate.
"You loved me enough to keep me prisoner," Sulpicia said slowly. "For three thousand and ten years." We all winced collectively at the reminder. "Ever since you murdered your innocent sister and destroyed her mate, whom you called your brother, just so you could your grip onto power. Then you and Caius had both Chelsea and Corin-" she spat out the names "keep us further in imprisonment."
Sulpicia, Athenodora and Marcus had still not recovered, any more than Alec and Jane who now never would, but they were here to see this precise moment: a confrontation that came millennia too late.
"You say that you loved me... you wooed me with your words, your honeyed sweetness and your gifts... you saw what I felt, what I thought inside of me, and what I wished I had... you offered to take me away and make me your queen." Sulpicia's lips twisted into a bitter smile, while I felt echoes of a pain which now slowly faded into... acceptance. In the end, I understood. "But I was your puppet... your possession. You controlled everything, including myself."
Aro's eyes flickered. "I loved you," he whispered "that is why... I only sought to keep you safe... we had so many enemies..."
"Could you keep me safe," his wife asked "from yourself?" Sulpicia shook her head and drew back. I could see the healers hovering around her, Athenodora and Marcus, as well as the twins.
Now, it was Athenodora's turn. "You betrayed me," she informed Caius "I loved you... even when others did not. I stood by your side for centuries and then millennia, long before you had any power... when you were still a refugee, fleeing from the Romanians' grasp... I stood by you. I travelled and fled with you. Through every attack, every risk, every danger... and you enslaved and imprisoned me. I could not even feel happiness or grief on my own free will."
Caius' eye flickered. For the first time, I saw a hint of remorse or regret in his hard features.
All eyes turned to Marcus. But he was silent. "How strange," he thought "I thought I would have words for you... you who have betrayed me most of all... and the one whom I loved more than any other, your own sister." Aro winced. "But I have none. I have nothing to say to you. For millennia, I have given you my love and loyalty. You have used and betrayed me. You have taken the one creature whom I care for more than anything, who also trusted you. But now you have lost... everything." He said softly. "Including the power you had fought so hard to hold within your hands. And now you are going to die. There really is no point of saying or doing anything."
There was a finality in his words that made me shudder, involuntarily. For the first time, Aro could see that there was no escape. Marcus drew back. "Brother- please-"
I expected Marcus to get angry, to react in rage, to retort or even to attack him. But he was emotionless, his dark eyes fixed onto Aro and Caius, onto Chelsea and Corin and Afton, and all the rest. He was right: there really was no point of doing or adding anything. They were all going to die.
Suddenly, an unseen force pushed them back, each driving them against a wooden post. They struggled, but their arms lifted, seemingly against their free wills and shackled uncomfortably high above their heads on iron manacles. Aro and Caius on the posts in front, Corin, Chelsea, Afton and all the rest who knowingly participated with no manipulations or enchantments flanking them. The mated couple, Chelsea and Afton, were side by side.
"Signora Della Rosa and her family will receive proof of their deaths." Somebody else spoke. We turned. It was Lady Laima. I froze upon seeing her.
The Vampire Queen strode towards Aro and Caius. Fear flickered within their eyes as she approached and she gazed sorrowfully at the condemned. Sadness was in her gaze and it struck me that she did not wish to see them die. She didn't enjoy it, anymore than she had enjoyed handing out my punishment, the price I had to pay.
The price I would have paid, sooner or later, without her. And one, I realised with shock, that while I had many regrets, I didn't regret paying.
Suddenly, the Vampire Queen pressed her hand against Aro's forehead. Aro gasped, as if all the air had been sucked out of his entire body had he been a human, leaving him like a deflated balloon.
Lady Laima turned and, to our surprise, strode over to Tanya. Tanya gasped when her palm made contact with her forehead. She would have fallen over had the Lady not grasped her arm and pulled her upright.
"W-what-?" She choked.
"I took Aro's power," the Lady said calmly "and gave it to you." Everybody gasped. "Now you may see and hear thoughts as he had."
Tanya stared in disbelief. "N-no-" Aro protested feebly. But no one paid attention. Caius was struggling against his restraints, the others too. They sensed their time had finally come.
With one last saddened glance towards the condemned, the Vampire Queen turned and left, followed by a contingent of Death Dealer bodyguards and ladies-in-waiting. The doors shut firmly behind her.
"Step back please." A Death Dealer who had stayed behind warned us. The audience took a few steps back as he indicated.
We were at the outskirts of the room, when I saw the Death Dealer directing some members of our species which direction to turn the wheel. Another Death Dealer poured a substance of some kind, a clear liquid, onto the condemned.
Caius cursed and spat, but the guards showed no reaction. Aro was completely hyperventilating. Chelsea sobbed, weeping while Afton tried to console her. Corin wasn't any better. There was another who had chosen to share her fate, an unnamed mate.
I blinked. Something about them had changed. Ever since the liquid was poured onto them... they didn't look... right. I couldn't guess what it was, but upon focusing my gaze, I noticed that there was something off with their skin. It didn't look the way it did. It wasn't as powdery or paper-like in appearance the way it had been. Their eyes also seemed to lack their usual milky film and appeared... clearer. They were no less pale, but something had changed. I could hear the others whispering, puzzling about what it might have done to them, this liquid.
Then the sound of groaning metal reverberated throughout the empty spaces of the chamber. My eyes fell upon the iron wheel which was being turned by some unnamed vampires of our species. The whole chamber sounded like there were some timeworn gears hidden within the walls and domed ceiling, which it must have been. They squeaked and grinded and most surprisingly, it sounded like it came from above. I looked up at the domed ceiling. A grinning death's head skull had been painted against the image of a burning sun and my eyes widened. A sudden rumble ensued and then cracks appeared; artificial lines of golden sunlight suddenly appeared like cracks through the domed ceiling, which I realised, began to open itself. But how could that be? Our kind were immune to sunlight- Gabrielle said so herself: our skin-
My eyes widening in shock, I turned back towards Aro and Caius. Instantly, I remembered the liquid. A potion of some kind, I realised, almost too late.
My eyes shot upwards. The painted sun with the death's head was some kind of circular iron hatch, I realised. It slowly began to dilate and soon opened entirely. A beam of golden sunlight descended upon the condemned.
Someone- Chelsea or Corin- let out a blood-curdling scream.
My eyes widened in horror. Pale vampire faces blackened and flaked away beneath the rays of sunlight. Smoking lesions popped and snapped across their skin. The screaming started. Chelsea and Corin shrieked, Aro wailed and Caius howled in agony as they tossed their heads from side to side, but it did nothing to save them from the sun's rays as it turned their immortal flesh to charcoal. Smoke rose from individual heads of hair: blonde, black, brown and red, moments before each individual burst into flames. The thrashing vampires suddenly turned into living torches. Their charred faces contorted in agony, exposing bone-white razor-edged teeth, while blistering arms twisted above their heads. Chains rattled as they instinctively fought in vain against the manacles binding them to each post for a chance to escape. The ragged and plain linen tunics they wore as prisoners were set ablaze. The foul stench of burnt meat hit the air and filled my nostrils.
The scorching heat was wild against my face. Even though I was invulnerable to sunlight, I could feel its heat and what it did to the Volturi once they had been stripped of the natural protection their reflective diamond skin had afforded them. Not just armour, I belatedly realised, but a crystalline shield against the sun.
"Let's go." I turned at the sound of Esme's voice. I hadn't allowed Renesmee to come, and it was a good thing. I felt incredible relief that I had managed to spare Edward such a terrible fate...
Or was that true? Lady Laima had given initially given Edward a prison sentence, only to lessen it at my urging...
"Alec and Jane won't be executed that way, will they?" I asked. My voice sounded hollow. Esme shook her head. "No."
Vampires began to leave. Even though we'd hated them, it was still terrible to have to watch. Sulpicia and Athenodora were among them, but I noticed that Marcus and the twins had remained.
I understood. It was a terrible, gruesome death. Yet it was what Aro had condemned the twins to suffer, just so they could trust him as a saviour and a father, while using Jane to inflict the exact same pain on everyone who displeased or threatened him. Tanya stayed behind too, surprisingly.
Hours later, it was finally over. I had retreated to our suite for a shower, using more scented soaps and shampoos than was necessary, and came out refreshed. But the images were burned into my mind and the smell of it lingered in my nostrils, despite the scents. I drank blood laced with a dreamless sleep potion and sank into a peaceful slumber.
When the sun had finally set, we went back towards the execution chamber. The purple glow of twilight filled the open gap in the ceiling.
The sun's exit hadn't come soon enough to save the Volturi. My insides turned cold as I spotted several lifeless forms like grey statues formed of bone and ash, which also reminded me of sculptures made out of sand on the beach. Their powdery arms were still raised above their heads, held in place by the scorched iron shackles. Lustrous crowns and manes of hair had been completely seared away, revealing the bare contours of their skulls. Scraps of burned linen were fused onto their remains, barely protecting any semblance of modesty. Blackened bones showed through the cracked charcoal. If I hadn't remembered who had been placed where, I would never have known the identities of the dead chained to their posts.
Silence reigned as we beheld the lifeless statues. Finally, the Volturi, who had dominated our lives and our world for millennia, were no more.
Garrett let out a breath. "It's done." Alec and Jane turned towards him, as if hearing a dim echo of his voice. I searched for something- anything- that showed some semblance of relief, gladness, satisfaction or even grief within their eyes and faces but found... nothing.
Same as with Marcus. Except that a grim coldness had also descended upon his features. I saw the look on Siobhan's face.
The Volturi's reign had ended. And we had indeed witnessed their downfall.
Sorry for my overdue update. Again, my laptop crashed and I lost almost every file. And then I got sick (wonderful). But here it is.