"May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears."
Nelson Mandela
"You're kidding." Leah stated, her voice flat as a board. Nearby, Gabrielle sighed and covered her face with her hands.
Gabriel shook his head. He turned to the dark-haired man next to him. They were standing near the inn at Vermont, far from the reach of any of the Quileute packs. Gabrielle was there too, and she did not look happy. The frown on her face was caused by the appearance of the witch who'd questioned and informed the Quileutes and the Council of Elders as well as interrogating the Cullens: Adsila Sizemore.
Adsila shook her head. "Look, may I?" Gabrielle interjected. She addressed Leah, Sue and the members of Leah and Jacob's pack. "I don't like this either, but even I can't deny they have a point," she said, frown deepening as she looked at them "The other packs will be more than willing to lend their voices and provide evidence to prove it, but they don't dare approach Quileute territory until after this dispute is resolved. If they do, not only can the rest of their packs- who aren't even here- but members of any of the other species and packs could be a target for Jacob and his supporters, providing his mental status and what imprinting has led them to do in the past- if he wins." Gabrielle amended.
"This could lead to an all-out war, which would likely be impossible or nearly impossible to contain from the non-magical humans, dragging countless innocents into the crossfire before everyone is exposed and arrested by the No-Maj authorities." Leah cursed silently as she heard this. "On the other hand, me interfering is justifiable due to the extremely young age of the imprint-" She scowled at Adsila and the wizards she had arrived with, showing her displeasure "-but it can also lead to wizards and witches being targeted if they try to defend me, or if I try to interfere without permission, and worse." She gave a pointed look at the MACUSA and ICW representatives gathered behind her, watching apprehensively.
"Witches and wizards worldwide have recently made treaties acknowledging the independence of sentient beings," Adsila spoke up "including Loup-Garoux, although in general, we were not aware of their existence until very recently." She gave Gabrielle a pointed look. "Which is a good thing, because if previous administrations of not only MACUSA here in the US, but other Ministries and Councils of Magic across the world had been aware of your existence and that of many others even during the last decade..." she emphasised "if you were lucky, you would've been able to consider yourselves autonomously governed. Not independent. Maybe even a bureau or a department would've been set up in some magical government to 'cater for your needs'," Adsila actually sneered. They turned to her in surprise. She didn't seem like the kind to sneer at anything, least of all the government she worked for. But the sheer amount of derision and contempt dripping from her words made Leah pointedly remember that, like Gabrielle, this witch Adsila, despite working for the magical government in this country, was only partially human.
Gabrielle nodded grimly. "MACUSA had to change capitals at least five times in its history. Once because the Head of the Body for the Protection of Magical Species- the department which would have insisted upon being solely responsible for your concealment from non-magical humans, as well as for your overall 'protection' and 'preservation' if MACUSA had discovered you before this day and age-" Leah reeled in shock, while some Wolves openly scowled "-thought that part of the job description of keeping the Sasquatch population in line was to jinx every single one who so much as looked at her with perceived disrespect- or resentment for their authority. That's what it was like before the countries of the ICW signed all of these treaties." She said darkly.
Scowls erupted from every Wolf, as well as Sue who looked insulted. Leah felt the same. Gabrielle nodded. "Once the Second Wizarding War had finished, the treaties were negotiated for every people with a sentient mind, a culture, laws, traditions and societies of their own. Part of those terms was respecting their right to independently govern themselves."
Adsila spoke, "Gabrielle was one of the people who negotiated these terms, in fact she played a key role in establishing diplomatic relations with some beings, and mending strained or broken ones with others."
"But let me guess, it goes both ways?" Leah arched an eyebrow.
Gabriel the Alpha and his wife nodded approvingly at her thinking. "Yes, I can't interfere without the authority of an acting Alpha- or Luna." Their resident scientist and diplomat replied. "And certainly not if there is to be any dispute about the leadership, or until after it has been resolved for certain. Not without causing a general outcry among the sentient non-human societies in this world, accusing wizard-kind of attempting to reassert control and supreme authority over not only your species, or your overall society-" she nodded to the Wolves of Vermont and the Appalachians "-but to all of theirs. This could cause conflict to erupt, particularly war on a large or even global scale as some beings are more... militant than others."
Leah understood. A war with supernatural beings of all kinds... and the fact that they, like their non-magical federal counterparts just recently got out of their colonialist tendencies meant that they couldn't interfere without challenging the Alpha's authority, even with the council on their side... or challenging the Quileute Wolves- and the overall right of the Loup-Garoux to independence.
Leah didn't know how many witches and wizards there were in this world, but she strongly suspected that no matter how numerous they were, the fact that there were other societies hidden away unseen by regular humans in this planet, without even knowing who or what they were, or what they were capable of, they would have to be insane in order to take the risk of insulting or arousing their suspicion.
And worse, she didn't think that a world war among the supernatural would've gone unnoticed by the non-magical humans and their authorities. And frankly, she didn't want to think about their possible reactions to their existences.
"So what now?" Leah asked calmly. "You can lend us your support, your help with fixing our instincts and reversing any imprint-bonds, and proof when we require it, but we'll have to confront Jacob, Sam and the others on our own."
She looked at her pack-mates. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised. After all, it all made sense. Leah didn't blame them. She would've done the same had she been in their position.
"Seems like we've got no choice but to go into this head-on," she noted grimly.
"Leah-" her mother tried to interrupt.
Leah shook her head. "If anybody has another solution that won't create even bigger problems in the long-run, I'm all for it." she stated frankly. "Contrary to what people may think, I am not suicidal. I know there's going to be a chance that we could go to war. I know there's a chance that I may lose my life, if Jacob or Paul, or even Sam or Jared don't want to spare me, and worse, they're going to take this out on my pack as well." She looked at her pack-mates, including her brother. "They're going to be punished for being complicit. The Council of Elders will face an uprising. We'll fight to the death, just like our ancestors did the last time one of them killed somebody else's imprint. Rachel and Renesmee will never be allowed to leave. They'll march to the Makah reserve, drag Claire back to La Push, and force Quil to take her back, even if they have to kill her parents and anyone who gets in their way." Quil flinched violently, eyes wide open in horror, face pale. Embry looked frantic and Seth swallowed. "Anyone who escapes will be chased, hunted and dragged back, forced to mate with whoever imprinted on them, against their consent, forced to live as a virtual prisoner. Even Quil won't be given a choice." She pointed. The Wolf in question shuddered at the horrifying implications and prospects. Quil's decision on voluntarily having Gabrielle reverse that imprint-bond for both his and Claire's sakes only seemed to reinforce the idea that he had made the right choice after all of this.
Everybody fell silent. Vivian's face was pinched and pale. A horrified silence hung into the air. Leah supposed she should've been more horrified at the implications, but she'd run through them so many times in her head, and quite frankly, after all this, she had developed a thicker skin.
"This is it." Leah pointed flatly. "It's do or die." Her eyes met Gabrielle. "Like you've said."
Gabrielle looked saddened. "I'm sorry it's come to this."
"Don't be," Leah stated darkly. "It would've been worse if you hadn't stepped in." She turned to the others. "If they're not going to listen to me since they don't want to see me as anything other than the bitter shrew who can't stand to see her ex or anyone else happy, then there's only one person who can get them to listen. One person who can say no to them, and they'll be forced to listen."
"Who?" Seth sounded surprised. "Who could possibly get them to listen-"
"Force them, Seth." Leah said darkly. "Force them if they've got no other choice. If the imprinters won't take no for an answer, not from the council or any of us, then the imprints will have to say no to their imprinters in front of every Wolf who hasn't imprinted and is still in control of themselves, along with every council-member, and the other imprints who do want to stay. Maybe Kim does want to stay," she conceded "and maybe Rachel will change her mind- who knows? But it's their minds, their choices to make. We have to make it clear: we're just giving them the option to stay or leave without being so affected- that's it, since the imprinters each feel like every step away from their imprints feel like they're in actual physical pain-" Vivian and Adsila's eyes both widened "-and only getting back close to them and touching them gives them any kind of relief." She stressed.
They all looked at each other.
Adsila whispered, "It truly is that bad?"
The Quileutes all winced. "You have no idea," Quil muttered. "I had to ask my mom and Embry to- literally- chain me to my bed and gag me when I made the decision to let Claire go and have Gabrielle reverse our connection. I felt ill. They thought I had some kind of fever." He shuddered, pale, and shook his head roughly to clear them of the memories.
"They don't know there are other options out there." Embry interjected, while the others absorbed this in silence. "No one has ever survived the loss- or the rejection- of an imprint before."
Vivian muttered something under her breath which sounded like a curse and ran her fingers through her hair, eyes glancing up at the moon above. No doubt she was praying to her species' moon goddess for a solution. It was a waxing moon, growing in strength. Leah had never been superstitious, but she wondered if this could be a sign... or if it had any effect on her Alpha genes and her instincts.
James of the Appalachians pack radiated as much power as Gabriel had, if not more. Instantly upon their first meeting, Leah could tell he was an Alpha, even in his human form. It wasn't just because of his charisma, the authority and sheer presence he radiated, however: Leah could feel her senses tingling when he approached. The hairs on her neck stood on end, electricity seemed to simmer on the surface of her skin, and she instantly found herself standing straighter. Unlike with Gabriel, however, she didn't feel like shrinking back the first time they met. At first she wondered about this, but suspected that since, like Gabriel and James, she also possessed the Alpha gene as Gabrielle had confirmed, she wasn't as affected as the others. Besides, it wasn't like she had to fight not to react every time Gabriel got near once she'd gotten used to him. Leah supposed that since the gene took some time to trigger, for Quileutes at least, the fact that she wasn't as affected and instead felt the urge to stand straight, rather than shrink back in submission, meant that her Alpha, or Luna, traits were beginning not just to kick in, but to grow stronger.
And despite science, no one knows for sure why the full moon seems to affect them, Leah thought, eyeing Vivian. Loup-Garoux of her species were compelled to shift whenever the full moon arose, even though they could phase at any time, and also change back whenever they wished. The full moon was the only time the Crescent Pack in New Orleans, consisting of a different species, could turn back into their human forms after they'd phased for the first time, thanks to the curse. Lycanthropes- actual werewolves- could only change during that time, for most of their species. Maybe this meant that Leah's Alpha genes were truly becoming stronger; and maybe her strength as well. She hoped that it would.
"Emily will likely stay," Leah clarified "she wants to believe what she has with Sam is special." And how bitterly ironic that now Leah would do anything to let her and Sam to continue to believe that. "But she certainly wouldn't want anyone to be forced to stay against their free will. She wouldn't want her niece to be dragged back to La Push against or without her consent and those of her parents. She wouldn't want to force anyone, including Claire or Quil, to stay in an arrangement without them consenting on their own terms."
Seth looked dubious. "Emily had no qualms with Quil hanging around Claire."
"That's because she already knew what happened the last time she tried to force a Wolf to stay away from his imprint," Leah pointed darkly "and not only did she not want a repeat of that, especially to her two-year-old niece, she knows Quil isn't to blame: he didn't choose this anymore than Claire had. Sam certainly didn't. Every time Emily told him to leave, he left- he only came back afterwards since it hurt so damned much just to take a single step away from her, especially for too long and knowing she didn't want him at all."
Suddenly, Quil's eyes widened. "He tried to change her mind." He breathed. "He did everything he could..."
"And Jacob's going to be the biggest challenger," Leah reminded him "he already tried messing with Bella's feelings, manipulating her guilt at hurting him for hanging around Edward, confusing her and playing with her head. It worked- for a time," Leah said bitterly "but not well enough. One step forward meant two steps back. And she wasn't even his imprint. Can you imagine if it happened again, only this time to Renesmee who he did imprint on?"
"The fireplace in the Cullens' house is connected directly to their guest suite in the Old-World Coven in the Carpathians," Gabrielle said softly.
"They should be able to make a quick getaway with Renesmee if you buy them some time."
For a moment, no one spoke. Leah held out her hands.
"That has to be a last resort. Jacob isn't going to consent to get anything fixed with him- or anyone else- and he's officially still Alpha. He's also going to get very sick and feverish if he stays away from her for too long, even if we chain him up, and he won't stop searching for her if she escapes." Leah stated. But then a thought occurred to her.
"Wait- Billy and Rachel have seen Jacob since Gabrielle sent him back to his house and the council put him under house arrest." She stared at her mother. "If he was sick, surely they would've alerted us?"
Sue's eyes went as large as dinner plates. "Yes," she breathed. "You're right, they should have."
"I think I know why," Gabrielle said quietly.
All eyes turned to her. "Jacob never truly imprinted upon Renesmee. Since his biological instincts triggered upon his sudden lapse in his own sanity and judgement, extreme emotional and mental pain, and his sudden intent to murder a newborn child against his better self and his own nature as a protector, we can safely say that Jacob has never loved Renesmee," she continued just as quietly "any more than he truly hated her. She was a substitute target, after all."
"For both her parents, including Bella," Seth agreed "because Jake felt like they'd wronged and put him through so much pain for their own purposes."
"Yes. But I don't think Jacob ever truly loved Bella, either." Gabrielle said quietly.
"He took the little hints and clues, the little glimpses of Bella that he'd known for the short amount of time he'd known her for. Yes, they spent a lot of time together. But how much did Jacob know Bella? Why did he like her? What was it about her that not only drew him to her in the first place, but made him become infatuated?"
Leah was at a loss. If she had to be honest with herself, like she'd shamefully pointed out last year just before Jacob ran away, she didn't really think much about Bella Swan. Oh, she'd despised Bella after the latter led Jacob on and played with him without ever having any intention to get together with Jacob, even more so since she was planning to join the Cullens whose very presence had been the very reason Sam and her phased, and the former imprinted on Emily in the first place- or so it seemed. Now, she knew it would have happened, sooner or later, with or without them. But why had Jacob been so attached to Bella so much? What was it about her that made him go- literally- crazy for her?
She was pretty- yeah, but she wasn't the most beautiful girl in town, or the only beautiful girl in town. She was clumsy, and while that seemed to hold an old-fashioned appeal for Edward, it didn't mean anything to Jacob.
Then it hit Leah. After all, she'd suspected it all along.
"Jacob lost his mom when he was young," she found herself saying "Rachel and Rebecca, his older sisters left as soon as they were sure Jake was old enough to take care of himself, the house and their dad. They did everything they could to try and avoid coming back; their mom's death had too many painful memories. Jake barely talked about his mom but..." she paused, trailing.
"He told Bella the secret," Leah confirmed "when he phased, he was forbidden from hanging around her, of course. Not only was Bella a regular human, she'd been associated with the Cullens, the Cold Ones. We may have made a treaty with them, but we didn't trust them. When Jake phased, he was already hanging out with her, after Edward dumped her in the woods, supposedly for her own good." Leah scoffed. "So she turned to him for comfort and healing, and because she wanted a distraction. When he started distancing himself from her because of orders, Bella went crazy trying to get him back."
Seth's eyes widened. "He thought that she loved him," Embry breathed.
Leah nodded. "She flirted with him the first time they met. Bella, the pretty girl who was new to town, yet at the same time was Charlie's daughter, and Charlie's practically family. She wasn't a total stranger; she had a connection to his folks, and Charlie looked out for him often enough. Bella had glimpsed Edward's secret but couldn't figure him out," she ran through Bella's story through her head "and she felt suspicious since not only did Charlie hint that some people tended to avoid the Cullens, Sam himself said that the Cullens weren't allowed on La Push."
"And Bella, feeling frustrated, flirted with Jacob to gain information on Edward," Seth breathed "completely unaware of what this was doing Jake; baiting him. Catching his interest. He genuinely thought she was interested in him."
Leah nodded, feeling more confident. "Jacob saw Bella at her school prom when Billy sent him- bribed him more like- to warn her against Edward. After about a year of her not searching for or trying to initiate contact with him- well, Jake undoubtedly knew that Edward had dumped her back in September, months earlier- yeah, she'd completely broken down, but their relationship had only lasted for six months and it was months since he'd left when she appeared at Jake's house, specifically requesting for him, even taking an interest in his hobby."
"Motorbikes," Quil sighed, shaking his head. "Bella wasn't really interested, was she?" Leah shook her head.
"No, but Jacob thought that she was. He mentioned that Edward had lent him some cars, and at least once I think he took Bella's Ferrari, which had been Edward's wedding present to her, out for a spin. Ironically, Bella never even touched it herself." Leah smiled grimly. "Or any of the other cars the Cullens keep. She sure as hell never touched any of the motorbikes after Edward returned. Now that can be interpreted as Edward controlling everything about her life, including where she went and on what vehicle- which did happen- or Charlie finding out that she'd been driving without a license for it, but it's kinda interesting that Bella preferred to use the Chevy Charlie brought from Billy. It's an old piece of junk, but pretty sturdy, worked fine enough until weeks before her wedding when Jacob had ran away, quite conveniently." Most likely thanks to Edward. "But it wasn't remotely pretty, or anything to look at. All manual. She's not into bikes or cars but Jake didn't know that."
"Still doesn't," Seth pointed, looking dismayed.
"Yet she didn't run away from him when she found out what he could turn into- most likely due to her exposure to vampires," Leah considered. She noticed Vivian wince, slightly, and wondered why. "And he took her to Emily's house- and you know what Emily's like. How she takes care of the pack. They treat her like a sister. She's one of them."
Leah tried not to wince herself. She didn't want Emily, after all that pain and effort, to have it all turn out to be for nothing...
"And Bella spent her entire childhood looking after her mom, instead of being looked after. When she moved to Forks, she still did the cooking. All the while being a responsible grounded student- it rubs off on her." Leah sighed. "So in short, Jake lost his mom and his two older sisters stepped in only to seemingly abandon him, he saw how happy Sam was with Emily and since either Emily or Bella reminded him of the other one-"
"He thought she could fill in the gap." Embry whispered. Leah nodded.
"Subconsciously or unconsciously, perhaps. He also thought they had the same interests. Jake also thought she was genuinely interested in him the first time they met and would've gotten together sooner if it hadn't been for Edward. He thought that they would've ultimately ended up together, like Sam and Emily, if it also hadn't been for Edward. He thought he made her better and healed her after Edward had left her in pieces. And he ignored the fact that since she'd accepted the vampires because of Edward, that was why she didn't run away or freak out after finding out he was a Wolf." Leah finished bluntly.
Vivian immediately understood. "So you're saying that Jacob completely misunderstood and misinterpreted everything about Bella?" She asked. "And that's why he became infatuated?" She arched an eyebrow.
"He thought he fell in love with the girl," came the reply "but he didn't know her that well. And even if he did, he didn't accept or respect her for real." Even Sam, despite what the imprint compelled him to do, had respected Emily as much as it could allow him without going crazy. "That included her wishes. She didn't want to be kissed by her the first time, and he didn't take the fact that she was obviously very upset seriously."
For some reason, Gabriel was the one who winced this time. "Jacob fell in love with who or what he thought Bella was, the image he'd had of her," she explained "and that was what drove him to the brink of his sanity and made him target Renesmee instead, because he couldn't even bear to be angry with Bella, much less hurt her, and that's what did it. But he never hated or loved her for who she was, either."
"He loved a shadow," Gabrielle breathed. "At first. And then he fell for the shadow of a shadow... and he mistook his infatuation for true love, which was compounded by his extreme anxiety about being left alone by a girl he loved- again." She grimaced. "This is beyond horrible."
On that, everybody could agree. "But on the plus side, their imprint-bond must not be at all strong," Vivian pointed. She looked pointedly at Gabrielle. "This must mean that you can easily get rid of it."
"Or it could easily snap at any given moment, reducing what little remains of Jacob's sanity- and Renesmee's own developing mind- into ruins." Came the retort, causing everybody to stare aghast.
"This makes not only their imprint bond, but potentially Jacob's mind even more unstable," Gabrielle scowled.
"You have to move quickly," she urged Leah "we all do." She gave Adsila and the other wizards and witches a meaningful look. "So you understand now the kind of predicament we are in?"
Adsila sighed. "I admit I didn't think it would be this-" she made an overwhelming gesture with her hands, black eyes wide. "If it only started with teenage flirting with alternate motives and a bit of curiosity on her part, and a mild crush on his- and who hasn't done or undergone any of these things?- then it definitely snowballed way out of anyone's control, including that of the instigators."
On that everyone could agree. Just how did it get this bad? Leah wondered, not for the first time.
But inside she already knew. Bella and Jacob were teenagers and the tragic truth was that, despite all that he did and her own personal feelings about Edward Cullen, so was he, just frozen for eternity. And they not only made choices and decisions that adults would normally have made, they never really prepared themselves for any possible consequences, either. Including Bella's sudden decision to become a parent, which mirrored that of her childish mother's.
At least Bella won't make all of the same mistakes her mom had made.
"The best we can do is to set up wards around the Cullen house, and the one that belongs to the former imprint Claire, in the Makah Reserve, in case anyone tries to bring them back against their will." Adsila said, sighing. "But other than that..." she shook her head.
"And even then it's no guarantee that they won't accuse us of interfering in their own affairs."
James and Gabriel both shook their heads. "Trust me," the former said firmly "no one in their right mind will say anything against that."
"I'm afraid that you're thinking like both a Loup-Garou and a human," Gabrielle pointed "not every species has the same mindset or values. Nor do they think along the same lines when searching for solutions to solving certain problems." She looked at Adsila.
"Well, we can at least take precautionary measures to protect the imprints in case everything goes south, but..." Adsila gave Gabrielle and then Leah a meaningful look.
"You're certain that this Jacob won't see reason?"
Leah closed her eyes while Sue heaved a heavy sigh. "We'll do our best but... the odds are stacked against us." The latter said with regret.
"I take it that Jacob's time under house arrest won't make him see reason." Gabrielle stated sharply. "Or a lecture made by his father, for that matter." It wasn't a question.
Quil, Embry and Seth all shook their heads. "Doubtful." Seth's eyes were glazed over and Leah wondered if he was remembering the time just before Renesmee's birth when Jacob worried that he would lose all sense of reasoning and start killing everyone who tried to stop him. Seth had promised that he would remind and stop Jacob, but Jacob himself wondered if he would be willing to listen.
Leah thought that they really had been stupid to think that imprinting would solve everything, and in an instant, no less. Jacob had been showing signs of mental instability, as much as Bella and Edward, even then. It wouldn't have been possible for imprinting to cure him... but while it certainly alleviated any immediate threats to anybody's safety, particularly Renesmee and Jake's, it could also make a bad situation worse.
Like with Sam and Emily... how could she not have spotted such a thing? Emily nearly got killed and ended up with half her face torn because Sam was not only easily triggered, he refused to leave her alone as she wished... he couldn't.
It was one thing to miss a soulmate, to worry about them, but it was another thing entirely to be in unbearable agony just to put some space between them or to let them have some time without your imprinter... or for giving into his wishes, no matter what your actual feelings about him were, because you were afraid he could do something to you- or to himself.
Maybe some of the imprinted couples, including Sam and Emily, or Jared and Kim could make things work out, at least Leah hoped that they could, but something had to change. For all their sakes.
"I'm going to the Cullens," Leah said quietly. She addressed Gabrielle. "Has Edward's sentence been carried out?"
Gabrielle nodded. "It has."
Leah felt a brief moment of pity for the Cullens. No matter her personal feelings for vampires, her personal hatred of Edward, and the fact that she genuinely felt he deserved it, or that Renesmee- and Bella- would certainly be better off without him, no one deserved to experience the pain of seeing someone they care for and love be imprisoned, even if they no longer loved them or their bond was merely strained.
"Well, then I guess I'll have to pay them a visit." She stated grimly.
"If Jacob won't see reason and respect Renesmee and her mother's wishes, the very least that could happen is for all of this to be aired publicly, in front of all the non-imprints, imprints and imprinters alike. They won't stand for it." Leah stated roughly.
In two more nights, it would be the thirtieth of June, which was the full moon. If this vampire queen's prophecy was true, the the fight to determine the future of their entire species, and the imprints who deserved to have a say in their own lives, would happen then. Leah felt a strange mix of both resignation and determination. She knew it would ultimately be up to her to ensure the least violent solution.
"Shelving hard decisions is the least ethical course."
Adrian Cadbury
Before Leah even approached the porch of the Cullens' house, she heard the sounds of things being taken down or off from wherever they stood, piled, wrapped, and put away into cardboard boxes. Furniture was being moved, crystal and glass tinkled, clothes taken down from closets and folded, books stacked and stored away, ornaments carefully wrapped and placed where they wouldn't be broken... the sounds of a family packing all signs of their existence to move somewhere else.
Leah was silent. Once, she would have rejoiced, been gleeful and glad. Now... She shook her head. Now was not the time to dwell on this.
She strode up the porch, knowing that they would hear her footsteps and smell her scent. As it was, they stilled for a while, but they likely recognised or guessed that it was her.
Leah knocked. It was Rosalie who opened it. The shadows under her eyes had gone, but she looked beaten and worn down. Leah supposed that it was nothing that she didn't expect.
Again, she felt a stab of pity. Leah cleared her throat. "Sorry to disturb. But is now a good time?"
Rosalie shrugged and said, "Only time it'll ever be." She stood to one side, holding the door open to let Leah through before closing and locking it once she'd entered. The scent of vampires was strong, but also saturated with the scents of cardboard, wood, cloth, plastic wraps, dust, air fresheners, diffusers, laundry detergents and the remnants of deodorant and perfume that lingered on the clothing being taken out and packed. All of it undoubtedly proved that the Cullens were in a hurry, despite being thorough. Supernatural speed and strength, sharp instincts and perfect recall, minus a need to sleep certainly helped when it came to packing up and moving. Dimly, Leah remembered her parents and Billy discussing that the Cullens had moved and how quick and unexpected it all had been.
"You're leaving." It was not said as a question.
Esme stood to greet her from where she had been wrapping pictures to put into boxes and sighed. "Yes."
Leah pursed her lips. "Where's..."
"At the cottage." she immediately replied. "The Appalachians Wolves have made contact with us," Leah warned "but... we have a little problem."
That caught everybody's attention. Jasper and Emmett twisted around and looked up from where they had been stashing CDs and artwork taken from each room. Rosalie froze as she retrieved an armful of clothes from one of the closets. Alice stared and looked up, despite not truly seeing her, from where she was wrapping porcelain, silverware, and glassware with bubble-wrap. Carlisle carefully placed all the books and files he had taken from his office into a box and stood to give her his full attention.
Leah explained the situation. Emmett cursed and ran his fingers through his hair. Rosalie looked like she'd tasted something sour.
"Language!" Esme scolded Emmett.
"The full moon rises in two more nights," Jasper remembered "that's the deadline we were given." Leah cringed remembering the prophecy and what it would mean for Jacob. But did it mean that she would win? Did it mean that Jacob did indeed stand a chance to be happy for real?
"So the fight happens then, and it'll be a duel," Leah said decisively. "No arguments. I won't let anyone be given the chance. I'll issue the challenge myself once Jacob refuses to listen to reason." She hesitated. Jacob might eventually come to his senses and realise what he was doing, but could they take the risk of waiting until someone- likely Jacob or Paul, but even just as likely, Jared or Sam- started issuing threats and fights broke out? If this escalated into an even bigger fight like a civil war, then the other Wolves couldn't interfere, Gabrielle couldn't either, and the council wouldn't be step in and stop the mess since the more persistent morons would accuse the council of taking sides against them (which was technically true, but still) and it would become a rebellion.
"I need to speak with both Bella and Nes- Renesmee," she quickly amended. "I can promise that we can step in, buy some time for you guys to escape with her while I distract Jacob and the others but Renesmee needs to say it, along with Rachel- directly to their imprinters' faces in full view of the entire crowd: all the imprinters, yes, not just the ones who claimed them, but also the Wolves who haven't imprinted and can therefore be trusted to keep their sense of reason and not act aggressively for the sake of forcing anyone to stay against their free will and explicitly given consent. And not just them: but the other imprints too. If they want to stay, then no one has any right to take them away." Leah said, surprising herself with the sudden fierceness in her words. "But if they're watching and they see the other Wolves and their own imprinters colluding to force anyone to stay or to go all the way to the Makah reserve to bring Claire back to try to force her and Quil to get with each other at some point... it's not going to end well. They'll leave, regardless of their own personal feelings; they can't turn a blind eye anymore, especially since it could have just as easily been one of them. If their imprinters panic and try to keep them there, then they most definitely can't turn a blind eye to the fact that they've been taken prisoner, despite their own feelings. And the non-imprinted Wolves can't turn a blind eye to this either: they'll react." Leah paused. "Yes, there could be a fight. It could even escalate into a war, but do you think that Sam or Jared would want their own imprints to feel that way? To have their personal freedoms and sense safety threatened? Sam imprinting nearly costed his imprint her life, and it costed Emily her good reputation, half her face, and her relationship with me, along with a lot of the members of her family and some friends who didn't approve." Leah shook her head saddened as she remembered how many people rejected Emily- and Sam- after they got together. This included Allison, Sam's mother who had never accepted Emily, since she'd been through something similar, and consequently became estranged with her son.
"Claire is Emily's niece." Leah reminded "She wasn't happy when Quil imprinted on her when she was just a toddler, so I don't think her aunt will stand for it now, either. Not after she hears what we have to stay."
Carlisle's eyes widened. "Sam and the others will have no choice if they want to keep their own imprints by their side. Even if Jacob doesn't agree-"
Jasper finished "he'll have no choice but to go through with this on his own."
"He'll try," Leah said grimly. "He'll underestimate me as he usually does, and that's my plan. They don't know the Vermont Wolves have been training and prepping me. Everyone will think Jacob will easily win, and that's what the imprints want, so that's what I'm betting on. Sam, Jared or Paul can't join in the fight, even if their imprints are okay with that, not if I clearly lay out the terms which includes everyone keeping their imprints by their side and not getting psychic surgery like Quil to get everything fixed, if Jacob does win. Unless any of the others wants to go against what Jacob wants, or even me, then they can't interfere."
The Cullens all looked at each other. "In the meantime, you have to make it look like you definitely have your full attention and focus on this fight without any distractions, and are invested in it," Leah warned "which you are, of course, but if it looks like I could lose, then you have to make a quick getaway without any help or alerting anyone. I can't afford to get distracted, and the others will be keeping their eyes on Seth, Quil, Embry, and maybe even my mom and the other council members, so you have to sneak away as silently and as quickly as possible. You can't stay to watch the outcome if it looks like I could lose."
Everybody winced. "But what if you do?" Esme whispered. "What happens if..."
Leah shook her head. "I already know what's going to happen and it's a risk we'll all have to take." She stated firmly. "For everyone."
The Cullens understood. This was bigger than just Renesmee, Jacob, or any individual in the world. This was an entire species' future at stake, the safety and individual rights of every imprint, the sanity of every Wolf in the Quileute packs. And, indirectly, the safety of the entire supernatural world which depended upon every single supernatural being, animal, natural phenomenon, or item being kept within the utmost secrecy from the non-magical humans' awareness.
And right now, it all depended on whether Leah could prevent a civil war and stop Jacob from going after Renesmee.
Because he sure as hell didn't want to listen to anyone at Charlie's house. And never about Bella, before he even imprinted. There was little chance that he would listen to reason.
"The biggest problem we might face is that once everyone notices you've gone, Jacob and the ones rooting for him will start pointing fingers." Leah remarked. "Charlie could be a prime suspect, especially since he knows everything now. My mom and Billy... could be anyone. Even worse, Gabrielle has... reason to believe that the imprint-bond between Jacob and Renesmee is already breaking."
"But isn't that a good thing?" Emmett interjected. Everybody looked confused.
"Normally, yes," Leah admitted "but remember she had to perform an actual surgery, with magic, to reverse the bond and enable Quil and Claire to live their lives peacefully without the other, and without suffering any ill effects. If the bond between Jacob and Renesmee accidentally snaps all of a sudden-" Leah's entire demeanor turned even more grim "-then Jake could permanently lose his sanity and Renesmee too- especially since she's still a growing child, no matter how fast she develops. By then, it could be too late to fix anything."
A chilling silence enveloped the air in the Cullens' living room.
"Worse, Gabrielle can't legally perform any surgery without Jacob's consent as well as Renesmee or her parents'." Leah insisted "not unless it gets to a serious emergency and the bond threatens to harm any of them- and it might be too late by that point as well." Rosalie groaned and slumped into an available chair, covering her face with her hands. Esme and Emmett were immediately by her side, hand on each shoulder trying to comfort her, all the while experiencing extreme turmoil of their own.
"So, I need to speak with Bella and Renesmee." Leah took a deep breath. "If you will."
"Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they're big, flashing signs that something needs to change."
Gretchen Rubin
The cottage might as well have been stripped bare. It was as if Bella could no longer bear the sight of the fairytale façade, the place where she had lived out her dreams in an illusion of a fairytale-made-real.
The furniture in the living room, from the ottoman by the fireplace to the Medieval chair, would remain in the cottage, along with the bookshelf and some of the volumes that lined it, although Bella would take the rest. The paintings, priceless originals and antique masterpieces, would go as well, although Bella wondered if it would enhance the appeal to potential buyers or renters if they at least brought some cheaper but still pretty paintings online to put in their place. Renesmee's old crib in storage and her new mini-four poster bed would remain as well, as she would soon outgrow both, anyway. And of course, the bed in their master bedroom which Bella no longer needed and did not wish to look at, would remain as well, along with its canopy. They were still deciding on whether to take the daybed. Renesmee wanted her old desk, and her books, although her toys would remain.
Bella wondered if- even if she could have them- Renesmee would want kids. They would have to talk about everything soon. But she would support her daughter whatever her decision may be.
The walk-in-closet, which Alice had enthusiastically stocked in happier times, had been stripped bare down to the last stocking. All signs of life would show this place as uninhabited. Although Edward may wish to return... she paused.
Would Edward wish to return? Should she leave this for him? The cottage had been a gift specifically for her but it had been his home as well, even though Edward, like her oblivious self, had no hand in its creation, décor, or furnishing. That had all been the other Cullens' work, particularly Esme and Alice. Bella would've known know if he had anything to do in its design, even if he claimed otherwise. As little as they knew each other, Bella knew Edward well enough for that. None of it was designed or planned according to his taste. Her lips twisted into an ironic and bitter smirk.
He had gotten her a Ferrari for her wedding gift. She never even got to use it, much less wanted it. And he was fully aware of what she liked and wanted- and he hadn't cared.
Bella sighed, sitting back on her haunches after storing some things into a box. She looked down. Compared to the rest of the Cullens, she had few possessions. Still, it was considerable, thanks in most part to Alice and Edward.
They were planning to go to Chicago after this, to deliver custody of Edward's family's property into Renesmee's keeping. Maybe Bella would find some answers about Edward and his life, not that she even thought to have any questions about him in the first place. It was always about vampires: the first question about the history of their kind when she first came to the Cullens' house, the various other questions she had about Edward and the others' abilities, the time when she asked Alice what the process of transforming into one was like...
How many times had she thought to ask about Edward in particular? It was Esme who, after she'd spotted the piano, explained about Edward's interest in music and got him to play for her. It was Carlisle who revealed- without her asking- not just the original colour of Edward's eyes, but about his parents, particularly his mother, and his own birth name. She didn't know that the surname he had at birth was Masen before Carlisle had told her during her birthday, months after she discovered he was a vampire and they'd already started dating, or that his middle name was Anthony until after she saw the wedding invitations that Alice had come up with. Sorrow and remorse haunted her.
Bella slumped. What date was Edward born on? What were the happiest memories he had as a child and then as a vampire with his new family, before Bella came along? Who was his favourite teacher growing up? What was his favourite colour? What did he like to eat as a child? What were his hobbies apart from music? Who were his friends? How did he manage to cope with his parents' deaths while coming to terms with the reality of what he now was? How did he truly feel about his father, as distant as they supposedly were to each other? How did he feel about growing up as an only child and losing all of his siblings, including the younger sister who lived the longest, but died as an infant? He barely mentioned his mother, despite their professed closeness according to Jasper, and only when he was giving Bella her jewellery. That didn't sound so good. He also mentioned that he gave Esme and Alice- and maybe even Rosalie- some of Elizabeth Masen's jewellery, but why did he never seem to talk about her with Bella, if they were so close and she had been so important in the formation of Edward's character, beliefs and values?
Bella frowned. Apart from the questions she had to ask herself about how she could have been so stupid- the other question she had was why Edward never discussed any of this- anything about himself and his past- with her.
Unwittingly, she remembered his response when she asked about why he never told her about the Children of the Moon, actual werewolves:
"It never came up."
Did he not think that this was a necessary thing to do, to get to know one another better before they jumped into marriage? Was he trying to protect her, or was he afraid of putting her off in some way?
Or perhaps he found the reminders too painful?
But another thought presented itself to her: Edward had been caught up in the fantasy-woman he had conjured in his brain, and used Bella as his canvas to depict and do whatever he liked with her. Maybe he tried to reinvent himself. It would make perfect sense. She imagined all the times that Edward, dressed in a tuxedo, had held out his hand for her to take when he took Bella to a fancy restaurant, dolled and dressed up by Alice in the way he preferred.
He had tried to reinvent himself in his head, she realised, startled. Staying with Bella while never intending to turn her into a vampire until he had no other choice if he wanted her to live... He wanted to imagine himself growing up, growing older beside her. Moving on and living a normal life as a human... and then going out in a spontaneous manner, like Romeo.
A part of Bella pitied Edward. Another part was angry. He'd used her just as she'd used him... to live out a fantasy. Bella hadn't changed when Edward injected his venom and transformed her. It was the unravelling of her fantasy world and her marriage that finally did it. She may look more beautiful, but she wasn't better, braver, wiser, smarter, or stronger, not on the inside. And as it turned out, neither was Edward.
Bella didn't know anything for sure. She didn't even know the guy whom she married. She didn't even know what Elizabeth Masen, a supposedly major part of his life and the forming of his character as a person, looked like, or what her personality was like, except that she had a taste for exquisite antique- or contemporary then- jewellery, and that she had been a fiercely protective and caring mother who selflessly gave her all for her son- and maybe her other children whom she lost, which must have been heartbreaking... and that she looked a lot like Edward, with the same bronze hair and green eyes.
Meaning she must have resembled Renesmee to a large extent.
Dimly, Bella looked around the room. There were no pictures, photographs, or paintings of any kind that could have depicted Elizabeth Masen or Edward Masen Senior. Or Edward as a young child. Apart from the few pieces of jewellery Edward had given her, Bella saw no traces of anything that could have came from or remained out of Edward's previous life, despite the vast number of antiques she'd seen littered around the cottage or the Cullen house. She remembered the room she had back in Charlie's house, where the wallpaper, curtains and rocking chair from her baby days lingered, unchanged. Same as the cabinet doors which Renée had painted. Yet there were no traces of Edward's former life as a human, and as much as he lamented his vampirism, you would think that he would have sought some sort of connection with his former self, his humanity, some respect duly given to the mother who had given her life and used her last breath to ensure he was given a second chance at life, as opposed to being mentioned in a few throwaway lines whenever he gave Bella pieces of her jewellery.
But who was Bella to judge?
Bella frowned and looked down at her lap. She would have to speak with Charlie soon. She needed to apologise; it was long-overdue, and worse, it was far from enough. Even worse, was that while there might be a way to make Charlie's life better and to make up for all the pain that she had put him through, or at least to try and come close, there was no way that she was ever going to come close to repairing Jacob's life, or for returning or compensating him for everything he had lost or was about to lose because of her. And the worst part was, in choosing to step up for the first time in her life, to stand up for herself and her daughter instead of being the pushover she'd always been, and to protect her daughter, Bella couldn't even afford to begin to try and make amends, since she had to focus on keeping Renesmee safe. A pathetic apology, she was sure, would never come close, but it was the only thing she could do.
Jacob may hate her for everything, she sighed. And now Bella saw that she had no choice but to accept it: apart from an inadequate apology, it was the very least she could do: not to be such a big, selfish coward in being so scared and refusing to let Jacob hate or even be angry with her, like she'd always done. He had every right to hate her and he deserved to hate and to be angry with her freely without Bella desperately trying to hang onto him and fear losing his friendship. Because Charlie was right: she had been bad for him, he had been bad for her, Edward had been bad for both of them, and the two of them for Edward. Her friendship- and love- had brought nothing but an endless cavalcade of pain and destruction that hovered across every facet of Jacob's existence. Bella had destroyed his entire life: she'd broken his heart; led him on with false hopes of love only to destroy them along with his dreams; been a worse friend than he had been to her, costed him his sanity; the respect and trust that the council, his peers, friends, family, and Charlie once had for him; and now he was going to lose his home...
Who knew a casual flirting or a desperate attempt to find a human connection over a year later could wreak so much destruction on a single person?
Bella closed her eyes. She wished with all her heart and soul that she'd yelled at Edward and stormed out of the restaurant when he'd openly admitted that he had broken into her room at night. Or that she'd stayed with Jessica and Angela instead of going off on her own to the bookstore, or maybe even that she taken a main road, where a lot of people could have witnessed a group of thugs ganging up on her- why did she even go to a place where there were mostly abandoned warehouses, populated by gangs of drunken thugs and possibly drug addicts serial rapists? Oh, right, because she wanted to go to a bookstore and was angling to find the right one, only to realise that she'd gone off into the wrong direction without knowing it, because she was distracted and all bothered about Edward.
And again, it all led to the fact that Bella had been so damned nosy instead of minding her own business. Even if she wanted to go to the bookstore, why couldn't she have done it during daytime?
Bella also wished that she could have only ever been polite but distant with Jacob, even if she had to pretend that she had other things to do or had to meet up with some other friends, rather than accepting any potential invites, staying and flirting with him, or giving Jacob any opportunity to take an interest in her. She wished she'd jumped or rolled to the side when Tyler Crowley's van came skidding towards her instead of giving Edward the opportunity to get involved, or that she'd inspected the snow chains on the tyres before heading off or after she'd finished school and was about to return home... Or, back during those early weeks, she wished that she'd simply stood up and straight-up told Edward to stop playing with her by being all rude, disappearing abruptly, and then once he'd reappeared, to ignore how he'd acted during her first few days and tolerate him approaching and trying to cosy up to her, and then proceed to tell her that they shouldn't be friends and that it was a bad idea... baiting her like a fish or a caged animal in a zoo. Playing with her head and making her feel frustrated, but also, if Bella had to be honest with herself, making her feel worse about herself.
Because now Bella saw that truly set the pattern for their entire relationship, even after marriage, especially since she never stood up to or told him off, forgiven him for everything easily, or never even considered to hold a grudge. Both Jacob and Edward had taken advantage of her lack of ability to hold a grudge and her easy forgiveness. Or maybe, even if all the stupid things she'd done during the months Edward was away was unavoidable and she truly was an idiot, she could have at least woken up and stood her ground, had Alice call Carlisle to call Aro in Volterra to warn him and have the guard restrain Edward so that the family could get there and explain in time. Or yell at Edward and call him out for arranging and planning an abortion without her consent or input after marriage... anything.
Or maybe, the most simple solution truly was not to be a nosy idiot, and to pick up on the warning signs that he was someone to be avoided, since he was firstly rude, then interested, and then so determined to make her feel like she was going insane from 'hitting her head', and then acting friendly again only to tell her they shouldn't be friends. Regardless of his motives and reasoning, which Bella now fully understood, she should've known he was bound to be trouble for her from the start. Instead she was a pushover, afraid to offend anybody, despite the fact that Edward clearly had no such reservations about doing the same to her. Besides, if he had saved her life, then her idiot seventeen-year-old self should have been able to see that she owed him his space and that he didn't owe her any explanations, like he'd tried to reason with her! Instead, when he'd pointed that out, she'd sulked and went off to try and find out his secret anyway. If she'd just dropped everything, then at least she could've avoided James, Victoria and Laurent coming across and catching a whiff of her scent. Bella was never outdoorsy or coordinated enough as a human to go hiking or wandering on her own... at least before Edward had left and she tried to find the meadow on her own. That had been another stupid mistake, just asking for trouble, the fact that she'd needed a map and a compass to even navigate her way through those woods, she should've saved herself the trouble.
Why did she want to go to that meadow anyway? Was she so obsessed with trying to feel some sort of connection with Edward, after he'd rudely dumped her in those same woods she later tried to navigate? Why did she want any reminders of her pain, or the boyfriend who'd dumped her in such a way? Because he made her feel so crap, that she didn't think that she was good enough for anybody to actually love and therefore, she didn't think she'd have another chance, another shot at love? That she wanted to remember what it felt like to be the centre of somebody else's universe, for once, to be loved and protected? Even if she hadn't come across Laurent, it had been looking for more pain and more trouble. Could she not see that even if it was true, that someone like that wasn't a good person to hang around with? The thought of Renesmee someday going out with someone who did something like that, and then believing him and blaming herself for being, in any way, lacking made Bella's venom boil within her insides.
How could she have been so stupid?
The only thing that Bella didn't regret doing was conceiving and giving birth to her daughter... and maybe acting as an unwitting catalyst to get Aro and Caius, Corin, Chelsea, Afton and the most guilty of their guards to justice, although she certainly would never have wished anyone to suffer such a violent death. Besides, something told her that the Volturi would've paid for their crimes, sooner or later. The other High Elder, Viktor, might've blocked Lady Laima's vision, as she'd admitted, but the Vampire Queen was always bound to be set free at this time, since this century was her husband's turn to reign. Bella doubted that she wouldn't have discovered the Volturi and all of the crimes they'd managed to keep secret for millennia. If anybody could uncover their secrets, it was bound to be her.
As for Renesmee...
Bella squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the flood of images which haunted her soul. The kind of life she would have lived had she not chosen Edward... Jacob had been in the picture, but she could see that, like her, he'd married and had kids... maybe they would have stayed together for a time, but eventually parted ways once their relationship had ran its natural course, moved on, and remained on good terms.
It could never happen now.
But something else haunted her: Renesmee was destined to be born to her, whichever path she took. Bella was destined to have been her mother and, after all this, she felt strangely honoured that she had been given this blessing, despite everything that happened. She may never have wanted kids before she got pregnant, she may have regretted ever being involved with Edward or Jacob, and she certainly regretted being a pushover. But if anything, being a mother had opened Bella's eyes and knocked some sense into her head. It made her see the kind of path which she was heading on, and realise that, for her and her daughter's sake, she needed to find a way out. Renesmee may have had a different father, a different face, a different name, a different body even in the future that was now gone, but it was the same soul. A soul which was never destined to be mated to Jacob.
A sob escaped her throat.
Which meant that all of Renesmee and Jacob's pain had been for nothing... and that Bella was ultimately the one to blame.
Renesmee would have been happy in the life she once could have chosen, Bella knew. She may not have had a perfect life, but both Renesmee and she would have lived and gone out happy. Her daughter could have had a father who trusted, looked after and gave her the strength and confidence that neither Edward had and that neither of Bella's parents did for her. She could have had friends, gone to school, lived a normal life freely. She could have met Jacob, looked him in the eye and shook his hand without being trapped in an arrangement that she did not have a say in, certainly not when it began. And she wouldn't have had to hide either, and be constantly watched, her thoughts under constant surveillance, for fear of her life or because of her father's guilt for his malicious intent to murder her as soon as she was born.
Jacob too would have been much happier. And so would Bella.
Only one question remained for Bella. Was it all worth it?
Suddenly, a knock resounded. Bella froze, a chill spreading. Her thoughts about how everything was her fault and how, against all odds, she was supposed to make it up to Jacob with an apology, came crashing to a halt. Was it Jacob? Sam and his pack?
"Bella?" Leah's voice sounded. Bella slumped in relief.
With inhuman speed, she raced to the door. Renesmee poked her head out of her room. Her eyes red and swollen. Bella tried not to wince. She'd seen her daughter shed tears before, when Alice and the others had left, but not to this extent.
Bella opened the door. Leah stood. She took a deep breath.
"There's been a change of plans."
Bella froze. A myriad of terrible scenarios ran through her head. "Did they find out?" She asked, breathlessly.
Leah shook her head. She explained the new developments.
Bella stared. "What?" She barely managed. "Why?"
"The Alpha of the Appalachians Pack- James- discussed this at length with his own advisory council, the Vermont pack members, and our Council of Elders. They can't afford to put their own pack-members at risk by being dragged into any potential internal conflicts, a civil war within a single species. They're willing to back us up and offer the evidence when we ask for it, but, especially since they know that if they take our side in the argument they'll be attacked by the Wolves who don't agree, and cause an even bigger war when they lose their minds and attack any random Wolf from a different species, even if they just happened to wander near the area. The wizards have also insisted on doing the same."
Bella froze. "They understand and respect Gabrielle's decision to be involved," Leah warned "but they're worried since she's a witch and works for an international government organisation, that this would lead to our species targeting their kind, which would not only lead to war, but to the wizards stepping in to control the damage- and then getting accused by every non-human society of breaking their word, interfering, and taking over our right to independence and our way of life- which could lead to every one of them feeling threatened and causing more conflict." Bella looked pained.
Contrary to what she expected, what she once would've felt, Bella understood. Unfortunately, she did. She couldn't blame them- any of them- for looking out for their own people- and the rest of the wider world- first. But this meant that Leah, Quil, Embry, and Seth, along with the council and the Cullens, would have to be the ones to drop the bomb. Unless...
She took a deep breath and stilled the sudden trembling within her hands.
Bella swallowed. "So... I'll break the news."
"Bella," Leah warned, Bella shook her head. "No, Leah." She said firmly. "Thank you, but no. I've cowered and hidden behind people's backs long enough. I won't do that again."
Leah fell silent, her dark eyes appearing to judge the depth of the meaning in Bella's words, before nodding. "If you're certain."
Bella let out a bitter laugh. "I'm not. I never have been. I've never been certain about anything, least of all about myself. But the only thing I'm certain of, is that it's going to be much worse if I do what I always did: be brave enough to get myself in trouble, but not brave enough to get myself out of it, while consequently having to drag everybody else into my mess so they could clean it up, just to save me." She shook her head ruefully. Her eyes stung.
Leah was silent. Bella shook her head. "I'm not doing that again. I've destroyed Jacob enough. I can't make it up to him- I'm sure that I never can. I've destroyed his life, his place in the pack, his relationship with Charlie and his friends, his sanity, his dignity, and I've broken his heart multiple times- and I'm about to do it again, while knowing that- for some reason- Jacob's going to lose his home too." Her voice broke.
Bella shook with sobs. Tears no longer fell, and it still felt strange to cry without tears. But she swallowed it down.
"The worst part is, even if I can make it up to him-" her voice trembled "I can't even begin to try. Because I owe it to Renesmee- who's been hurt by me, by her father, by Jacob- to keep her safe and to give her the life and childhood which she deserves- while there's still time." Bella's voice wobbled. "I can't spend my time keeping Renesmee safe and finally being the mother she deserves to have, which I never had, if I have to make it up to Jacob... and I know that I can't, 'cause Jake won't even want to look at me after this, especially if he does accept that the imprinting was wrong. Because I caused all this and he's never going to forgive me, Leah. Not this time. I know that."
Bella took a deep breath. "I'm going to let him." She said slowly. "I'm going to let him hate me, rage at me and all that... I'd even let him kill me if it weren't for Renesmee and the risks that the treaty might be broken, especially when the Cullens step in." She stated bitterly. "If that'll make him feel better, fix this entire mess, give Jacob his life back, wouldn't drag anybody else into a bigger mess, and if my daughter didn't need me, I'd certainly volunteer. But I can't..." She took another breath.
"And besides," she said numbly. "I still have Charlie to apologise to... and all my friends."
Leah remained silent for a while. "You've changed." She said softly.
Bella shook her head. "I'm still the same." She said bitterly. "No better than I was. Being a vampire didn't change that. I should've known."
Leah asked quietly, "Did you think that it would?" Her eyes were still focused on Bella, with something unreadable within their depths.
Bella rubbed her eyes to alleviate the stinging, if not the imaginary tears. "I hoped that it would."
She looked back at Leah. "When you guys fought Victoria's newborns, I... I felt terrible for bringing them here and not being able to do a damned thing to even try to help. I felt ashamed. When she and Riley came and found me and Edward and Seth, I tried to distract Victoria, the same way the Taha Aki's third wife did in the story." Leah was silent. "Since I felt so ashamed of myself after hearing about her sacrifice to protect the ones she loved, so I cut myself, hoping to lure Victoria and Riley and get them distracted with my blood. Instead, I just made it more difficult for Edward to concentrate and help Seth in finishing them both off." Bella shook her head as she remembered how she swore that the next time there would be a conflict, she wouldn't stand on the sidelines.
"The same thing already happened when James started hunting me and the Cullens went all-out in order to protect me." Bella paused. "But it wasn't just guilt that I'd put you all in danger... I hated myself. I always got myself in trouble, never thinking to ask why or look deeper. I just thought it was bad luck, but luck was what kept me and my loved ones alive for this long. My own carelessness and stupidity were to blame." Bella rubbed her eyes.
"I couldn't do a damn thing to fix any of these problems that I'd caused. And I was so ashamed since I was so different, yet not good enough, or so I thought. I never fit in, I was clumsy, I didn't look good- to myself at least... and until I came to Forks, I had no friends apart from my mother." Friends that she'd mistreated, anyway. "And after I started being hunted by the supernatural and people started coming to defend me, and Edward and Jacob had to do everything to protect me, even though I put them through all that-" her voice trembled.
Bella didn't know why she was unloading to Leah like this, especially since she'd told her story, but now since her love for Edward was buried as soon as his jail doors must've shut, she remembered how Leah had yelled at and confronted her for treating Jacob the way she did, and not even considering what he must have felt... and her, Bella realised. Because Jacob's situation was very similar to Leah's, only Leah didn't seem so lucky. Well, at least not back then.
"I thought if I became a vampire, it would solve everybody's problems, surely," Bella said, mustering her courage to look Leah in the eye. The other girl stared blank and expressionless towards Bella, as if trying to comprehend what she was hearing... or seeing Bella in a new light. "I wouldn't be such a burden anymore; I didn't have to feel ashamed. Turns out the problem wasn't me being human... just... me."
Leah finally spoke. "That's how I used to think." Puzzled, Bella looked at her.
"That's what I thought when Sam started acting out, going missing for weeks, and never telling me anything." She said quietly. "That's what I thought when Sam dumped me, and again when Emily revealed to me that they'd been seeing each other behind my back and that he'd dumped me in order to be with her.
"It was also what I thought when my periods stopped and I thought I was either pregnant- which shouldn't have been possible since I hadn't been with anyone since Sam- and I started having wild mood swings. And it all seemed confirmed when I turned into a giant wolf and my father had a heart attack when he saw me- which proved to be fatal... and again when I learned I was the first and only girl who could phase, I seemed infertile, and that my ex-boyfriend had dumped me because a built-in instinct had caused him to find his natural 'soulmate' in my cousin and they were planning a future together." Her voice was flat.
"It didn't help." She said bluntly. "It didn't help at all, Bella. Wolf, human, vampire... it doesn't change who you are. Hating yourself, thinking that there's bound to be something wrong with you, always ends up creating more problems by itself; problems which might not even exist in the first place. So you didn't like how you look- a lot of girls don't. You only ever focused on the popular crowd, the celebrity twenty-plus-year-old actors in wigs and makeup, and probably plastic surgery, playing teenage kids in the high school dramas you see on TV. And then you focused on the Cullens who really shouldn't have been a part of the equation. Even when she was human, Rosalie must have been an exception." Leah pointed.
"And she wasn't happy with the way things turned out, was she?" Leah pointed grimly. "It didn't do her any good. So you were clumsy, and people stared, so you acted like you were middle-aged... when people picked on you because you acted like a grown-as woman and raised yourself when your own mother couldn't, did you consider that those spoiled brats in Phoenix were acting childish?" She questioned. "Did you or they not consider that no one's going to care in ten years' time how many people voted for any of them to be the homecoming queen? Or prom queen? How many adults still think of their greatest teenage achievement as compared to the ones they achieve after they've left high school? Even the prettiest girls don't always end with a modelling or acting career."
Leah shook her head. It was obvious that Bella's mother had never been there for her and that, unlike Charlie, she didn't have the excuse of distance.
"Take it from someone who's been sharing thoughts with a bunch of other people for over two years," Leah said darkly "everyone always thinks there's something wrong with themselves, way more than anybody else around them. They always compare themselves to someone else. And who knows? Maybe there is something wrong with them. But I learned that it's not anybody's job to point it out to you like there's nothing wrong with them too." Leah's shoulders suddenly slumped.
In a quieter voice, Bella asked, "Is that what they did to you? The guys in Sam's pack?"
Leah sighed. "Yeah. They're kids, Bella. Even if our kind grows faster than humans, they're still kids inside, not better than adults, no matter what they pretend. But me believing what they said, thinking that, 'Hey, maybe there's a good reason why they whisper stories about my private life or my body, like how I'm the only girl who phased,' or 'How could Sam end up with my cousin when he'd been with me for so long?', or 'Why does everyone want to hold Jacob's hand when his heart gets broken and he acts out, and I'm nothing more than a shrew and the subject of gossip'... And then acting out and doing the same to them just so I could make myself feel better and give them a taste of their own medicine in the meantime... It's not only pointless, it's a mistake. It's not anyone else's job to judge or compare you, or to make you feel worse or better about yourself. And it sure as hell isn't anybody's job to define who or what you are, or what your purpose is in life. That's yours."
Bella was silent. She remembered when she discussed Leah's situation with Edward, and he'd claimed that Leah didn't really deserve her sympathy because she'd spent most of her time thinking about awkward, uncomfortable topics about her own pack-mates... And now she knew that Edward had been too far too quick to judge Leah, because there had been a reason why. Neither Bella nor Edward had acted any better than Leah or Jacob when their hearts were broken- Edward's trip to Volterra, made with the sole intent of committing suicide, despite his own family and friends, had proven that.
Leah was right; of course she was. Bella had always defined herself in terms of comparing herself to others, particularly the Cullens. And yet...
Leah shook her head. "You think that being pretty guarantees an easy life?" She asked. "People hated me and Emily. When she was scarred, I heard people who had the nerve whisper that she deserved to have her face slashed off. In part because she was dating my ex, but the whole thing seemed to prove to them that they were right when they'd always thought- thanks to her looks- that she was a slut. But they were jealous, Bella. That's the main reason they ever had any beef with her to begin with. People were jealous of me too: they were among the same people who happily gossiped that there must have been something wrong with me... that something's lacking... all 'cause my boyfriend dumped me for my cousin." Leah shook her head.
"'Course, they never dared say it anywhere near Sam. He was huge, and he strode around the rez with Jared and Paul, and everyone else who joined them, swaggering around with no shirts on... they were cowards and they knew it, Bella. They were insecure, and they knew it. Yet I let it get to me. Emily and I didn't dare alert him to any of this 'cause we didn't want him to react and possibly expose himself. Those people were selfish, petty and jealous and I bet that they knew it too."
She was right, of course. But Bella couldn't pretend it didn't hurt then... although not as much as her choices to fix herself had now.
And between them both, she knew which one she regretted the most.
"Jacob was equally to blame," Leah said softly "he was young, and so were you. You both made adult decisions without being prepared for the consequences. It's a story as old as time: Romeo and Juliet, Heathcliff and Cathy... if it helps, you've never been more in sync with anyone as a romantic teenager."
Bella couldn't help but fight back a wince. "You're growing up," Leah noted "you're learning. That's why you seem changed. You haven't changed completely." She gave a sad smirk. "Neither have I."
Bella nodded. They'd both grown up. Instantly, Bella thought about Jasper and how Maria had helped expose him to the truth about the Confederacy, preying on humans, and war.
"What will you do?" She asked quietly. "If war breaks out..."
Leah interrupted. "I'll fight. Whether it's a duel or a war, I'll fight. I'm not going to give up on my people's future, Bella. And I'm not going to stop fighting for what's right. 'Sides, I owe it to Jacob to save him from himself, even if he doesn't want or know it- because he sure as hell helped me without even intending or caring enough to do it." Seeing my puzzled look, Leah explained, "Being apart from Sam and Emily, and not having to share his and the others' thoughts sure as hell helped me move on. Acknowledging what I did that was uncalled for- like thinking about Embry's parentage just to get them back, or yelling at Jacob for being an idiot about you- apologising even if they don't forgive, and learning from it makes you an adult, Bella. No matter how you look."
She took a deep breath. "You can tell Jacob." She said shortly. "We'll lend our voices if you need us, but you're right. You and Renesmee will have to be the ones to tell him. If you do, then he's got no choice to accept it. He can't assault anyone again, especially not with the rest of us and the imprints around."
Bella started. "Emily won't like that, won't she?" She asked. Leah shook her head. "Are you going to tell her?"
Leah hesitated. "I know I should, but I don't want to. I don't want to make everything she's been through- and Sam- all for nothing."
Suddenly, it looked like Leah no longer had the short end of the stick.
Bella fell silent. "They deserve to know the truth." Leah didn't respond. How could she?
She knew Bella was right... and yet in two nights' time there was going to be more pain in a single duel than their entire species must have endured in a war. Was it not enough to only consume Jacob, Charlie, Bella, Renesmee and the rest of the Cullens?
I wondered whether JK Rowling wrote the British Ministry of Magic and MACUSA's approach to non-human sentient beings like centaurs, goblins, giants and- for MACUSA- Sasquatches as being a mirror example of prior governments' colonialism. If so, then it makes more sense that after the Second Wizarding War, especially with the werewolves' involvement, like Greyback and Lupin on either side, that not only would werewolves and House Elves be granted more rights, but the others as well. The trio had heard Griphook gripe about wizards' unfair treatment of their kind, and no matter how he betrayed them, they had to admit he had a point. Things should have either changed by this timeframe, or were beginning to change.
(On a side-note it's mentioned that in Harry Potter, vampires had certain privileges afforded them as beings, probably since they were so wealthy. Still, it didn't stop some wizards boasting about being vampire-slayers, or barking orders to them like a dog- the way Worple did with Sanguini- although he had a good reason to force him to stay.)