"You can't win unless you learn how to lose."
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Gabrielle silently eyed the motionless boy with pity in her gaze. She knew her time with the Quileutes was fast coming to an end, but first, she had to ensure that they suffered no ill effects- other than feelings of depression and misery, that is.
And then there was Jacob's sense of guilt, which was sure to come, belated as it may be. Either way, while she wished him all the best, she certainly could do nothing more. Only Jacob could ever heal his own guilt... and Ilúvatar.
Gabrielle placed a steaming cup on his bedside table. She glanced at Rachel before turning her gaze to Billy Black. "This is a tisane, liquid nourishment that will compensate for the loss of nutrients that need replenishing since he's skipped dinner. Also because I'm not sure if he will have any appetite once he remembers what has happened, but he still needs sustenance." she said softly. They both nodded. Gabrielle hesitated at the next bit of news.
"Mr Black, Rachel," she said quietly. "I'm afraid that when Jacob wakes he will still be in a state of immense psychological agony, and this could bring potential harm, especially if Jacob is compelled to harm himself, which has happened in the past when an imprint rejects her imprinter, as you have mentioned. So, with your permission, I think it best if we take precautions in order to prevent that."
Billy blinked wearily up at her. "What do you intend to do?"
She produced another goblet. A cloudy, milky liquid, thinner than the one in the first cup, steamed softly. "This is a Greek potion called Nephente. I do not intend to keep him sedated for long, especially since we do not wish him to grow increasingly dependent upon it to alleviate his personal pain and suffering, but for the moment, it will keep him calm while-" she sighed "-while we inevitably explain what has happened to him and why. Soon enough, the Wolves from one of Canada's packs will arrive with the Appalachians and the Vermont Wolves. They'll escort him and the two of you to the treatment centre." Billy bowed his head and Rachel swallowed tightly.
Gabrielle placed the tip of her wand just above the surface of the steaming liquid. She murmured an incantation and the liquid drew itself up, swirling to form a ball at the wand-tip. She then pressed it against Jacob's neck. He murmured but did not wake. The liquid flowed past his skin, inserting itself painlessly into his veins to be carried and spread by his blood.
"When he's ready for some answers," Gabrielle addressed Jacob's family quietly but carefully "I can come and give them. This potion will not alleviate or cure the pain he will feel, but it can stave off the brunt of it and its effects until Jacob is ready to start his road to recovery." She left the room. "Give him the tisane after he wakes." She stated, nodding towards the steaming cup on the bedside table.
The sun started to rise and slowly, slowly as it dawned, the light fell onto Jacob's face. He blinked, his eyes bleary.
Slowly, his vision came into focus. There was his father and Rachel. Billy sat on one side of his bed and Rachel was at the other. But it wasn't his bed, Jacob saw.
"Where am I?" He managed to croak.
Rachel instantly touched his hand. Hers was soft and warm. Jacob blinked and looked at Billy. "You're in one of the rooms in the Cullen house," his father said quietly. "Jake... how are you feeling?"
Jacob shook his head wearily. "I can't feel anything."
It wasn't just the physical sensations that were missing. Jacob felt nothing on the inside. No shock or alarm at discovering he was not in his bedroom at his house, or even on the rez, nor pain or grief at...
His eyes widened as he remembered the events of the night before, but only marginally. "Nessie," he said softly.
Billy steeled himself. "Here. Drink this first and then we can explain everything." He picked up and thrust the steaming cup into Jacob's hand.
The cloudy liquid, thicker than the potion Gabrielle had spelled inside of Jacob, smelled of herbs and something else, something rich and dark, almost like a more appetising fruitcake. "What is this?" He asked weakly.
"Something to fill you up, she said. You haven't eaten in a while." Billy said shortly, before giving a firm look to his son that left no room for arguments. Not that Jacob felt compelled to argue; he felt strangely numb and detached, and the smell wafting from the steaming cup made his belly growl. Rachel and Billy helped him sit and Billy pushed the cup into his hands, ensuring that it didn't fall. Jacob took a cautious sip.
It instantly flooded his entire body with warmth, shooting from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It made him feel more solid, stronger. He didn't realise how hungry he was until he started drinking it. The liquid was more filling than the pumpkin and black bean soups he used to have as a kid and tasted delicious, rich and satisfying. Before he knew it, he'd finished the whole cup. The aftertaste was buttery and equally rich. The warmth lingered and made it easier for him to focus, but he still didn't feel anything. No emotions such as shock, fear, panic and desperation to search for and find Nessie, and to bring and clasp her close to his side, never to let her go. To breathe in her warmth and scent again. Now he felt... nothing.
Something- a part of him- had gone missing. Vanished like mist.
Jacob swallowed, but the usual cold fear he'd been expecting just didn't arise. In fact, nothing did. It was as if he was nothing more than a spectator... in his own body.
"Dad, what's wrong? Why can't I feel anything? Where's Nessie?"
His father sighed. Rachel grasped his hand tighter. In his normal state, Jake would've wrenched it away harshly, but now he couldn't even be bothered to feel irritated.
"You've... been given something to help calm you down while we explain the facts." His father admitted. "As for Renesmee, she's... gone. Along with the rest of the Cullens."
Billy wisely remembered not to tell Jacob of Renesmee's whereabouts. Hopefully, she and the rest of the Cullens would have gone by now, so even if Jacob had managed to escape he would never be able to find her. If not... well, he hoped that the spells cast around Charlie's house would work.
Jacob blinked, struggling to process everything. Even the shock seemed numbed, like something, a little niggle at the back of his head, told him he should be shocked as well as alarmed, frightened and worried, even panicked. But he didn't feel it. He didn't feel anything. The only thing he could register was the feeling of warmth that had shot through his whole body. He was physically comfortable. Even his confusion didn't seem to faze him as much.
"Jacob... what do remember?" His father asked, anxiously, his heavy brows furrowing.
He blinked. "I-I remember..."
Then it all came back to him. Rachel and Renesmee. Bella's tears and snivelling apologies and the admission that she was divorcing Edward, and how she blamed herself for him imprinting on her daughter. How she wished she'd never flirted with him on First Beach when they first met. His friends standing up to him. Quil revealing that he had his imprint with Claire broken. Sue's revelations about Sam and Leah's blood-relations and why Sam had imprinted on Emily. Leah's challenge. Jacob's loss. The others stopping him from going near Nessie. The agony, like his skull and brain splitting in half, hacked crudely by an axe, and having muscle and skin melted by burning acid all of a sudden, before it disappeared and everything went black. His vision had turned white and a defeaning noise entered his ears, like a flashbang. And a feeling of something- something being severed. Snapped. Wrenched in half and torn away, now missing.
"What happened?" He breathed. "Renesmee-" if he could react and was at his normal state, his heart would've pounded. As it was, it barely skipped a beat.
Billy looked sadly at him. "She's gone, Jake." He said quietly, but Jacob could hear him, clear as day. "The imprint's gone. Broken."
Silence filled the room. A part of Jacob felt shock, and perhaps a mild bit of horror, but nowhere near as much and as overwhelming as it would've been had he been back to his normal self. Soon, a sense of grief and unspeakable sorrow settled, but even that was numb and distant.
"How?" He asked quietly. He wasn't even breathless. His heart wasn't pounding anymore than it was broken.
Jacob sensed that soon the pain would be back. But for now... he felt nothing. Nothing except for emptiness and an unspeakable sorrow and sadness but it felt so distant. He also felt like a part of him had been severed. Missing.
"Why? How?" Was all he managed.
Billy sighed. "The imprint was never very stable to begin with." Billy said softly, his dark eyes filled with sadness. "Do you remember what Bella said? You never hated Renesmee any more than you loved her. And she was right: that's why the bond connecting you and Renesmee- the bond between imprint and imprinter- was able to snap so easily. It was unstable because you never hated or loved her for who she truly is. Nor did you feel a potential that you could love her. It was always Bella, in the end." Jake was silent.
"You couldn't hate Bella or even just be angry with her, even though you wanted to," Billy continued. His voice was quiet as if he feared disturbing the peace of the morning. The birds sang in the treetops. The sun shone golden. The sky was a clear blue. "You also couldn't hate Edward, since everything had been Bella's own personal choices, and you'd grown to respect him and none of us can truly claim- especially after all that we know now- that he and his family are the soulless undead. So you turned your focus onto Bella's unborn child, blaming it for not only Bella's worsening physical condition, but her decision to put you through further pain since you would have to stay and watch her suffer while knowing full well in the end she would either die or turn into a vampire, meaning either way that she would be gone to you forever. And that you would have to watch the two of them live together happily and be a family with their baby." He paused, letting all that sink in.
If Jacob had been back to his normal self, his heart would have been pounding like thunder. He would have been shaking. He would have felt a sense of revulsion and ran from the room. But he didn't. He just sat there and listened. While he could hear the beating of his heart clear as crystal, it remained calm. All he could do was search his mind back, involuntarily remembering all those memories when Billy pointed them out...
And he felt a sense of growing horror and shock at the memories and the realisation of all that, which was numb, detached and distant thanks to whatever the witch had injected him with while he was asleep. Why it didn't burn off like the morphine Carlisle had injected him with after the battle with the newborns, he didn't know.
"That's why you tried to kill the child when you wandered close to her," Billy explained quietly "but I can see in your eyes, Jake, that you would've never normally have done that. In fact, you would've been horrified and hated such a notion. There was no way you could ever bring yourself to hurt an innocent child who could not be blamed for whatever her parents did and did not even choose who they were in the first place. And you knew that, deep down. You just didn't care because you felt so much pain, and rage for what Bella did to you, what she put you through, that you needed to make her suffer in return, even though your infatuation towards her meant you couldn't bring yourself to hurt Bella directly. So you turned your attentions to her baby daughter, knowing that this would certainly hurt her more than anything in the world if you murdered her newborn child..." Billy spoke, his voice still soft as everything slowly dawned upon Jacob. "And the instinct of a Wolf, the instinct of our ancestors which made them protectors, reacted due to your pain and your misdirected targeting of an innocent, a newborn baby. It seized the opportunity, knowing that the child was female and seeing that she had Bella's eyes. So the instinct within you triggered you to imprint. You simply believed that it only made sense for your soulmate to be the baby daughter of the girl you were infatuated with and even kissed-" Billy's voice now betrayed his revulsion "-because you believed the reason you ever fell for the mother in the first place was because of a daughter she had not yet conceived nor even wanted when you first became obsessed with Bella, since she never planned to have a child, even without Edward in the picture, thanks to slaving around for her spoiled and childish mother." Billy sighed.
"You never imprinted on anyone, Jacob." Billy said after a long pause.
"Both the thing you called a murderer and a monster whom you wanted to kill in revenge for the pain that you suffered and the girl you believed to be your soulmate never existed. Renesmee was never either of those people..." Billy trailed off.
Jacob sat very, very still.
Rachel spoke. "Jacob," her voice threatened to break and her eyes shimmered but she held firm.
"You aren't the first one to have a failed imprint." She almost pleaded. "Quil... Quil voluntarily gave Claire up. He had the bond reversed, and now they're both living their lives happily without one another. Believe us: it is possible. Quil doesn't regret giving her up. He's happy now. They're happy without each other."
But Jacob could hear nothing. He could feel nothing. And yet...
He felt like nothing.
"We do learn much about ourselves in our experiences. But also, know that it shouldn't have happened. This was not a lesson you needed to learn."
Jordan Pickell, trauma therapist
Renesmee still hadn't woken for some reason. Bella knew that while Charlie wanted answers, he would prefer it more if he knew that Renesmee was alright.
While Gabrielle had assured them that the Swan house had been warded against all possible intrusion, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Alice still peered uneasily through the windows for any sign of Jacob or any of the other Wolves who didn't agree and side with Leah, Seth, Embry and Quil.
Charlie helped quite a bit, surprisingly.
Meanwhile, Rosalie, Esme and Bella were standing vigil at Renesmee's bedside. Charlie had been alerted to what was about to happen the day before, and had spent a sleepless night, refusing all offers by the Cullens for them to stand guard and allow Charlie to go to sleep, even when they offered to wake him at the slightest sign of improvement or decline. He called the station and told him he was going to have to take a day off, for an emergency.
Charlie's focus was solely on Renesmee now and her wellbeing. Bella knew he and she would have to talk, but they both mutually, silently agreed, even while they waited, that it would have to wait.
Not long after, Charlie received a text message from Sue explaining that Gabrielle would be along shortly and was on her way to give Renesmee a checkup. He typed an affirmative and asked them to make sure that no Wolf, apart from Leah, Seth, Quil and Embry would follow her. Apart from those four the only ones permitted to go anywhere near the Swan house were Sue and Billy.
The Cullens hadn't even spared a final glance at the house which had been their happy home and sanctuary for so long. They didn't want to feel the pain of loss and the bittersweet memory of happier times when their entire family had been present. They needed to get out of there as fast as they could.
Bella didn't dare look out the window, mostly because she didn't dare take her eyes off Renesmee for fear that something would happen, but also because she knew any sign that any Wolf- apart from Leah, Seth, Quil or Embry- approaching the house would send her flying into a panic. Even more so if they caught sight of her peeking from a window as that would alert them that Renesmee was inside. But another reason she feared looking out was that so much as a glimpse into the outside world and the city of Forks going about its daily business, since no one else had suffered such an earth-shattering event- and the sight of nature with all its lush greenery, blue skies, crystal-clear waters, and singing birds- all of which she had stupidly, naïvely taken for granted- would stir in her a painful longing and she would hesitate, even for a moment, and that would cost her. Bella didn't trust herself to remain strong instead of crumbling.
For what seemed to be the millionth time, Bella asked herself, How could this have happened?
But she had no answers apart from the ones she had already received.
Then how did her own mere stupidity end up in all this?
In part, Bella knew it was because of Edward; his decision to rush things forward, to control everything and everyone especially her, and acting without so much as thinking of the consequences of what his reckless actions and overconfidence in his own abilities and luck that would make everything work out. Part of it was also Jacob's fault in his insistence and forcefulness, his determination to control everyone and everything which almost rivalled that of Edward's. But for the most part, Bella blamed herself. After all, didn't she lay over and allow them to do whatever they would? Didn't she bait and lead Jacob on, only to destroy him- and his entire life? Didn't she refuse to ever stand up to Edward, not even once? Even her begging for Rosalie's aid and protection had not been Bella standing up to Edward; she wasn't capable of that kind of strength. She was neither Rosalie nor Leah. Or Esme. Bella was as weak as she was foolish and careless.
As much as she knew that it would do no good beating herself up, Bella found it impossible not to since her innocent small daughter was lying unconscious and motionless on her bed, due to events and actions which ultimately led to herself and what she did.
Her daughter had been traumatised, the victim of grooming and betrayal by her best friend, all because he had been in love with Bella in the first place. And of betrayal by her own father who sought to emotionally and mentally manipulate her, as well as controlling and curtailing her freedom and movements, with Bella's help.
Her husband was now in jail, soon to be banished for hundreds of years, and publicly disgraced in front of their entire world.
Her best friend, the boy whom she loved and trusted at one point, was also lying unconscious, recovering from a mystical spiritual-surgery which she had no understanding of, and was doomed to be exiled after this, never to return home for some reason, and would likely be heartbroken again. And yet again, it was her fault.
Her new family was hiding in Charlie's house for fear that they would be hunted, and were planning to run as soon as Renesmee recovered and woke, not daring to even glance back at their former home.
And to top it off, Bella needed to apologise and give some explanations that she owed to her father who deserved them more than anyone along with her apologies, after her more-than-shameful treatment of him. Her own flesh and blood.
If she had done things differently, just how different would everything have been? How much suffering could have been prevented?
And how could things that seemed so small, such minor details at the time, could have caused it to end as badly as this?
And most importantly, how could she have ever been lulled into a false sense of security by both Edward and Jacob, enough to think that she was ready for a committed relationship? Especially since Bella herself had pointed out to Edward that she wasn't ready to get married at age eighteen.
In the end, Bella could only blink in disbelief and look aghast, shaking her head at the tsunami of events which she'd caused, which clearly had snowballed to be as disproportionately large and all-consuming as possible.
Bella could hear the sounds of cars moving out in the driveway. She could hear the chatter of people on the footpath, neighbours and passerby, as they headed off to work, school, or to buy groceries. A mother instructing her children to walk closer to the grass side of the footpath than the driveway. A pair of drivers in passing vehicles calling out and greeting one another. A jogger taking a morning exercise with the dog. A pair of squirrels rustling in the trees. And birds singing and twittering in the branches.
She envied them. And it registered in her just how low she had fallen that she'd come to envy even the most mundane, the most boring, the most seemingly inconsequential individuals and creatures for living as something as dull and boring as their everyday lives, when she'd spent so long wishing to be as beautiful, as graceful and dazzling, as outstanding as Edward and his family. As a vampire. How she'd begged to be lifted and freed from her meaningless dreary existence that was her ordinary human life. And how she would beg to be back there now, to turn back the clock to where it all started.
How could she have been so blind?
How could she not have seen what was in front of her? Simple mundane pleasures, such as walking or driving down the road and heading to buy groceries, or going to school or work now seemed like unobtainable luxuries after all she had been through. Even at the seemingly-snail's pace of a human, Bella would trade all of her vampire looks, speed, strength, grace, and supernatural senses just to be back to her normal self, as clumsy as she was. After all, it never killed her.
No, stupidity and blindness almost did.
And in the end, it did something far worse: it destroyed the people she loved and cared for.
Somebody knocked on the door. Bella turned her head as Esme rushed to the door and pulled it open. Charlie peeked in. He looked weary; there were shadows underneath his eyes, same as the ones the Cullens used to have.
"How is she?" He asked anxiously. "Has there been any change?"
They all shook their heads. Charlie sighed, his shoulders slumping. Before anyone could say anything, he held up his mobile phone. "Sue texted. Gabrielle's on her way here; she's going to be arriving at the backdoor, in case the neighbours saw. And she also asked me to tell you that she would be wearing a mask and a disguise."
Bella blinked. But she supposed that was for Charlie's benefit as he still wasn't entirely used to this.
She felt another surging of guilt; just how much responsibility did she have to bear for everything? Charlie's world had been turned upside down more than enough times because of her. And now he was stressed-out and anxious over the life and wellbeing of his only grandchild.
Swallowing hard, Bella nodded tightly. Charlie stepped inside. His gaze softened although his eyes and expression were still filled with worry.
"Well, she'll hopefully sort it out," Charlie said, his voice tight. "If what Billy, Sue and the others said is true, then she reversed the connection and fixed up Quil and Claire, am I right?" When the Cullens all nodded, Charlie continued "So she should be able to figure things out and... hopefully, make sure Renesmee ends up okay after all this." His voice nearly cracked at the end.
Guilt rose to almost unbearable levels inside of her. Bella wasn't the only one suffering, and yet here was Charlie, after all he'd been through- all she'd put him through- trying to console her.
She didn't know how she could even begin to make this up to him, either.
Sure enough, Bella heard a popping noise coming from the direction of the back yard. A human would've never heard it. And then a knock.
She heard the sounds of Charlie opening the door and certain murmurs, before Gabrielle's airy tread and Charlie's footsteps were heard going up the stairs.
The door opened. Gabrielle wore a silver mask and a loose black robe with long sleeves and a hood covering her silver-blonde hair, but they could easily tell it was her. The scent, the movements, the way she held herself. Bella felt herself relax, ever-so-slightly at the recognition.
Gabrielle's voice sounded from behind the mask. "Have there been any changes since she left?" They all shook their heads.
Gabrielle sighed and stepped inside. She waved her wand and conjured a mug before bringing an old-fashioned flask from her pocket and tipping the contents inside of it. The smell, hot, rich, moist and dark with hints of herbs, permeated the room. Unknowingly, involuntarily, Bella felt all tensions slowly leaving her body at the scent and the warmth that emanated from the cup.
"This is a tisane," Gabrielle informed them. "I've placed an enchantment to make sure that it remains hot but not scalding. It's to make up for all the nutrients that she skipped out on when she was unconscious. Even more essential since she requires more of them than the average human. I've also laced it with a little diluted dragon's blood, to nourish her vampire side, but not enough for her to remain dependent upon it. We should wean her, after all."
Wearily, Bella nodded. "With your permission, I should like to stay here until after she wakes, so I can check her over."
Charlie nodded, more weary than Bella had ever seen him so far, and left the room, closing the door gently behind him. Gabrielle took off her mask and lowered her hood.
Silence reigned. Bella didn't know how long it was. Half an hour? Twenty minutes? One hour? Time seemed to fade and blend together. She didn't dare glance at a watch or ask the time for fear it would send her straight into panic-mode.
But sure enough, a rustle was heard towards the direction of Renesmee. Her brow puckered as she frowned with her eyes closed. Then, slowly, her eyelids began to flutter. She blinked them awake, gaze focusing as she looked upon the figures of her mother, aunt and grandmother, along with Gabrielle.
Gabrielle went closer.
Slowly, Renesmee's gaze began to focus and she saw who was in front of her. Her eyes gazed around, taking in her surroundings and she registered where she was, which must have caused some relief.
Bella's voice was hoarse for a vampire when she managed to speak, "Renesmee..." Her hand flew to her daughter's.
"Mom," Renesmee croaked. Her eyes fell to Esme and Rosalie. "Grandma. Auntie Rose. How did I get here?"
"We brought you last night, honey," Esme explained soothingly, gently taking Renesmee's other hand. "You're safe."
A flicker of fear and unease rose in Renesmee's beautiful features. "Jacob- he- he's not-"
"No," Esme and Bella both said, at the same time while Rosalie stated, "He's not here, honey."
Renesmee's face registered her shock, before slowly she began to accept and believe it.
"He's not coming here." Rosalie said quietly. She went over to sit by Renesmee's side on the bed. "He's not coming back."
Renesmee was silent. Her fingers tightened around the bedcovers.
Then, she spoke. "Is this a dream?" Her voice was so quiet a human would never have heard it.
Rosalie, Esme and Bella all shook their heads. "No," Rosalie said quietly. "It certainly isn't."
Renesmee's brown eyes stared out at the bedroom window which was firmly shut, but showed glimpses of the blue sky and sunlight through the misty curtains. It was as if a new dawn had broken, reflected in the porcelain-and-rose face and the milk chocolate eyes of the young girl as she slowly understood and hesitantly began, too afraid to dare breathe it seemed, to accept the truth.
She was now free.
Next up is Charlie and Bella.
Anonymous Wandmaker: Yes, there will eventually be time jumps, a little at first since Bella still has to face not only Charlie but Renée and Phil respectively, and then she and Renesmee are on their way to Chicago with Carlisle and Esme. Damon and Stefan were dealt with appropriately by Lady Laima who was fully aware of what they were doing, and they certainly learned their respective lessons. They can't exactly do anything since karma- or simply Lady Laima- makes sure of that, even though they didn't fall as spectacularly as Edward. Elena is fine and perfectly happy, by the way. Klaus' wolf side is kept a strictly guarded secret thanks to Viktor (who executed his own daughter for getting pregnant with a vampire-werewolf hybrid).
Don't expect to see William any time soon, at least not in this fic. Same as with the regular humans who are slowly being clued in by the wider supernatural world. This is seen through the Cullens' POV, mainly Bella, along with Jacob and Leah, as is similar to the books. Once we leave not only this fic but the world of Twilight behind, the wider world of the supernatural will be revealed, along with the regular human world and the implications of everything.
This fic is more of an internal story and a journey than anything. Especially for Bella, Leah, Renesmee and the others.
Vittoria... yeah, I made a few typos, I admit. She was supposed to be two, but I somehow mistakenly wrote four.