September 9, 2023

Jasper POV

*Crazy Girl - acoustic by Eli Young Band*

"What's the occasion?" As if I don't already know.

Smiling up at my wife, I watch her dance down the stairs as beautiful and elegant as ever.

Alice wears a deep burgundy swing dress, reminiscent of the 1950s. It hits her at her knees, the skirt swishing as she walks. A bow of the same color holds her pixie-cut hair out of her face, and the golden earrings I'd gotten her a few years ago — hearts dangling from her ears with bows — sparkle in the light. Like her eyes, like her.

She arches a slim eyebrow and steps into my embrace, pushing her nose against my throat now that she's tall enough in her 6 inch heels. Her nose trails up along my skin to my lips as slim arms wrap around my waist. Golden eyes find mine as she pulls away, searching my face.

"Nessie's and Bella's birthdays are coming up…?" Her tone is inquisitive, questioning, as she arches a brow. "We're celebrating early though because our girl is finally for real legal. Remember?"

If I had blood, it would've run cold. "Of course." I scoff out a dry, humorless laugh and drop my arms from around her. "How could I have forgotten? Because of course that's what's going on tonight…"

She reaches for me, eyes wide and emotions tail-spinning. "Jazz, what's wrong? What happened? I'm s—"

Slamming the block down to separate our emotions, I smile with tight lips and peck her cheek. "It's alright, darlin'. Go enjoy the party, I'll catch up soon; I'm gonna go hunting."

Her lips pout as she whimpers, crestfallen. "Jazz, I—"

Despite how I feel, I still can't see her this way — hurt, hopeless, wanting. Especially because of me.

So I pull her into my arms and cover her mouth with mine, cradle her precious face in my larger hands. "I. Love. You. Alice." Each word is punctuated with a kiss as I drag my thumbs along her cheeks. "Everything will be okay, darlin', I promise." My lips move to her forehead as I clench my eyes closed, mind whirling. "I'll see you in a bit."

Still, my stubborn girl fights me. "No! Not until you tell me what's going on!" Hands on hips, she glares at me, mouth set in a stubborn line. "What happened? Wha - What'd I do?!"

"We'll talk about it later, Alice," I snap, scrubbing a hand over my face. Arching a brow, I lift the emotional barrier between us long enough to push some calm and persuasion towards her.

Then, me being me, I drop my tone to one that brokers no argument, that I know she'll listen to. "Go. Now. Before I change my mind." Before she can say anything else, I send her off with a sound smack to her tight ass. "I love you."

She watches me over her shoulder until she can't see me anymore, golden eyes wide with worry and questions.

When she's out of sight, I take the framed picture of us off the wall and throw it across the room. The glass shatters, the same way my heart has so many times.

"Fuck!" Snarling, I blur to the mess on the floor and pick through the jagged pieces of glass. Still in pristine condition is the picture of Alice and I, on the one and only wedding day we've had.

My Pixie presses against my side, her arms around my waist, as she beams radiantly up at me. One of my arms is around her shoulder, tucking her against me, as the other secures her waist to mine, my eyes smiling down at her. I can feel our love and devotion for, to, each other through the picture.

Where did all that love go?

"What love? Love is an illusion." I scoff and toss the wedding photo back to the floor, kicking through the mess. Blowing out a breath, I slide against the wall to the floor and bury my head in my hands. "It's all an illusion."

Except the house I built for her, the love in my own hands as I crafted a place all our own.

Snatching up the wedding photo, I shove it into my pocket and walk out of the Cullen house.

~000~

"Jasper?" Alice calls softly through the house, searching for me.

I sigh softly and lift my head from my stare-down with our wedding picture. "In here, darlin'." Fire crackles in front of me, the flames seeming to search for the piece of photo paper in my hand.

She takes her time to explore the house, taking in the hardwood flooring, bedroom loft upstairs, and finally the stone fireplace that I sit in front of.

It's not much, but I'd always thought that when you had what Alice and I do — did? Still do? Are struggling to find again…? — you didn't need much to begin with.

Shock and awe reflect in my wife's eyes as she sinks to the floor on the bearskin rug in front of me. She takes another long, sweeping look around before gesturing, "What is all this?"

It's all I can do to keep my lip from curling into a sneer as I shrug, still fingering the photo. "Welcome home, darlin'."

"You did all this for me?" Her voice is soft as she crawls elegantly across the floor to sit at my feet, lays her cheek against my knee. "For us?"

And that's when, and how, I know just how truly gone from me she is.

Another emotion rolls through me then, one that takes my breath away, one I never thought I'd feel in regards to my Pixie: Repulsion.

"You haven't wondered where I've been? Where your precious Cullens have been?" As I say that, my fingertips ghost across the curve of her face, then I tap her temple. "You haven't wondered why you haven't seen us lately?"

She flinches incrementally away, as if just now realizing herself that she hasn't in fact had any visions recently, that the space in her mind that I, of all people, usually occupy has been empty.

"With you settling into your schooling, and the mutt and his pack following us here, it was all too easy, honestly." My fingers slide into her hair, scrape gently at her scalp. "As if you didn't look. Didn't even care."

My girl whimpers, hides her face against my thigh. "You know I care, Jazz, I always have and always will. I l - love you." Her voice is small, near broken, as tears glisten in her eyes.

"Tell me what day it is, Alice."

"September 9th." Her answer is quick, sure, even as her brows furrow and dark eyes search my face. She doesn't see anything there no matter how hard or long she looks.

I arch a brow, waiting for the realization to set in. After a few minutes, I gesture around the house, toss the picture into the floor. "It was supposed to be a new home for us, just you and I."

But you chose them over me, again…

"It doesn't matter. Everything is just fucking perfect." Standing up, I step around her and pace the floor.

"Our ann - anniversary." Realization finally dawns on her, evident in her slack jaw and wide eyes, as she reaches for the photo on the floor. "The day w - we met."

"Yep." Shoving my hands into my pockets, I glance at her, and wish I hadn't.

Tears glisten on her cheeks, stream down her gorgeous face, as she clutches the picture in a tight grip. "Why didn't you tell me!?" She jerks her face up to find my eyes, glaring.

"Because," I snarl, whirling around to stare at her as my arms fall limply to my sides in defeat, "I shouldn't have to, Alice! This was our seventy-fifth year knowing each other. It should be important enough to remember! Christ on a cracker, darlin', I should be important enough to remember."

The weight of everything on my shoulders pushes me to the floor — my emotions, never mind everyone else's; that she continues to choose the Cullens over me; the betrayal and hurt that are clouding my emotions and judgement. That, right now, I don't even care how she feels.

My sweet and loving wife, despite everything I've said, hurries over and takes me into her arms, pulls me against her chest. She doesn't speak, is instead absorbing everything.

I look up at her, an ache blooming in the center of my chest at the sight of her tears, and sigh softly. I hate her tears, but hate the way I feel even more — the fact that I'm questioning her at all, let alone the way she feels about me. I of all people should know how much she loves me. Still…

"You should love me enough to remember." My voice is soft, but cuts across my throat like glass. What hurts the most isn't how hard it is to say, but how true it is.

"I do love you, Jasper!" She pulls back to look at me, eyes searching my face. Hers falls as she sees something she doesn't want to. "Y - You do know that, don't you?"

"I d—" As I gaze up into her beautiful face, her golden eyes, I realize I don't actually have an answer. Easing her hands from my face, I twine our fingers and pray to whoever listens that we'll survive whatever comes next. "I don't know anymore, Alice."

The little spitfire of a woman that I love resurfaces then, pulling away from me to plant her hands on her hips. "What do you mean you don't know? How could you not know, Jasper?"

I stand up and turn away from her with a muttered cuss. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

She scoffs and rolls her eyes, tucking her feet under her as she curls up in her own chair. "Of course I want you to tell me! We need to figure this out, Jazz, get back on the track that I didn't know we've apparently fallen off of…"

"Fine," I snap, slumping back into my chair, head hanging low as I stare a hole into the floor. "Allow me to count the ways…

"I know you still love me, still care about me." I flash a small, hopefully reassuring smile and lift the emotional barrier long enough to push some of my own love towards her. "But lately, I feel as if you've put me on the back burner, been choosing them over me, or at least choosing for me…"

It takes some effort, probably more than she's expended in awhile, but she doesn't interrupt me. Instead, she nods at me wordlessly to continue, fingers reaching to tangle loosely with mine.

Despite everything, where this night has gone and will probably end up, she's still hearing me out, still giving me space to say what I need to.

So, I do.

"You chose vegetarianism for me. The Cullens for me. High school for me. Bella over me." I chuckle wryly and skim patterns across her hand with my fingers. "All that I can come to understand, even forgive."

I stand up and cross the few feet that separate us, tunnel my fingers back into her hair. My grip pulls her close, her cheek against my lap, as her eyes find mine. As I gaze down at her, and she up at me, I lower my guard and hope she can see that I truly do love her, that this is all for her own good.

"But then you started playing around with your health, your safety, and that's what gets me."

I caress her, hold her delicate, precious face in my hands. "You are everything to me, Alice, all the good and peace my soul needs. I can't lose you, to anyone for anything.

"So you must understand, my one and only love, why your safety is of the utmost importance to me. Why you risking it all — especially for a former human no less — is something I cannot, and will not, abide by.

"You've made your choices, and now I'm making mine."