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Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Chapter Twenty-Five-Paul and Bella
Jacob caught up with Bella just as she was running down the porch steps. He reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him. He was shocked to see the tears welling in her eyes, she looked absolutely devastated. He immediately pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her. "Hey, honey, it's alright."
Bella struggled in his hold for a moment before giving in and resting her head against his chest. Her tears soaked his shirt as she continued to sob. Jacob didn't say anything, he just cradled her in his arms and combed his fingers through her hair until her cries lessened and she seemed more in control. Gently he pulled away slightly and cupped her face in his hand. "Can you talk to me about it, Bells?" He asked.
"I didn't want anyone to know." Bella admitted tremulously as fresh tears leaked out of her eyes.
Jacob led her over to the wooden bench seat. He scooped her up into his strong arms and placed her on his lap. Bella tucked her face into his neck as she slowly began to open up. "I was scared, Jake. My whole life I've had to deal with the consequences of mom's addiction to pills and her bouts of depression. It was awful. I was forced to grow up so fast, and I saw a lot of things I've tried to block out."
"Why did you never tell me though, Bells? I would have helped or just listened while you vented." Jacob stroked her hair again as she trembled against him.
"I was ashamed and frightened, Jake. I thought the same might happen to me. They say that depression can run in families sometimes. Remember how I was after Edward left me? I was like a freaking zombie. When dad asked me if I wanted to go home to Renee, part of the reason I fought so hard against it was because I was so worried I would end up on pills too. I tried to fight the darkness on my own, but I was failing...until you came back into my life and pulled me back from the brink." Bella confessed.
Jacob cuddled her closer to his warm body as she began to shake in earnest. Renee's confession had brought up a whole heap of memories that she had tried so hard to suppress.
"When I had Ethan," she continued, "I was scared again. What if the authorities found out about mom? Would they think that I was a bad mother too? If they dug into my past and found out about my zombie phase they could have taken Ethan away from me. I couldn't bear that. I've been living with a cloud of fear over my head, worried sick that someone would find out my secret and tell the authorities. If I lost Ethan, I couldn't handle it."
"You are never going to lose Ethan, Bells. You are not your mother, and I didn't pull you back from the brink, you did that all by yourself. You are a strong, brave, fearless woman and an incredible mother." Jacob stated fiercely.
"I wish I could believe that, Jake. I am only strong when you are with me." Bella said sadly.
"You are so wrong, Bells. Look what you have been through? It takes a person with a huge heart and a strong will to cope with what you have." Jacob responded firmly. "You just have to let yourself believe it."
"I can't." Bella said brokenly, beginning to cry again. "I just can't."
Bella had eventually cried herself to sleep. She was mentally and physically exhausted. Everything that had happened over the past few days had taken its toll her. Renee's confession had been the final nail in the coffin that pushed her over the edge. Jacob had taken her to his room and put her in bed. She was so deeply asleep that she didn't stir when he pulled the covers over her and left the room to rejoin an anxious Charlie and his dad.
"Did she say anything, Jake?" Charlie begged him as soon as he walked back in the room.
Jacob sighed. He sat down on the couch and looked at the two men. "She blames herself and she's petrified that she's going to follow the same path as Renee."
"That's nonsense." Billy replied. "Bella is nothing like Renee. She's strong where her mother was weak and spoiled."
"She doesn't see it that way. She kept referring to the time she went into that zombie phase when Cullen left. She's comparing it to her mom's depression. I tried to tell her otherwise but she's convinced that if anyone finds out about it, Ethan could be taken away." Jacob ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
"It was to be expected that she would suffer when the vampire left her. He broke that girl's will, making her subservient to him." Billy said angrily. "It shows how strong she is that she came out the other side. It was not a natural depression."
Charlie sat silently while the two of them talked. He was overcome by shame and intense sadness. "I nearly forced her to go to Renee's when she was suffering. I thought she needed her mother. How pathetic am I?"
"She wanted to stay with you because she was scared Renee would make her take some of the same pills she was on." Jacob admitted. "That's why she fought so hard to stay with you."
"I thought it was because she was waiting for that son of a bitch to come back." Charlie cried in despair. "How can I have got everything so wrong? I need to speak to her."
"Chief, stay where you are." Billy warned him. "The girl needs her rest. I don't think any of us can help her."
Jacob stared at his dad. "I'll fix this." He declared adamantly.
Billy shook his head. "There are some things you cannot fix, son. No matter how hard you try. You have no knowledge of what she went through."
"I can listen and support her." Jacob snapped, annoyed by his dad's presumption.
"Calm down." Billy retorted. "I know that you'll do your best to support her, but as I said you have never experienced the consequences of living with a parent with a drug addiction. When I lost your mother, I had support, but what I needed was someone who had been through the same thing. No one else could understand how it felt to me, losing not just a wife, but my best friend in the whole world."
"Are you suggesting Bells goes to a counsellor?" Jacob asked.
"No, I am saying she needs to speak to someone who has been through what she has and understands on a more personal level what it's like to cope with a drug addicted mother." Billy locked eyes with his son.
"No." Jacob protested suddenly. "No fucking way."
Charlie looked between them, feeling totally confused. "Who are you talking about?"
Billy ignored Charlie and stared his son down. "You know I'm right, Jake."
"I won't allow it." Jacob snapped. "He's the last person I would let near her while she's so fragile."
"He is the best person to talk to her and you know it." Billy repeated again.
"Who do you mean?" Charlie yelled, interrupting their argument.
Billy tore his eyes away from Jacob's and looked at his old friend. "I'm talking about Paul Lahote." He told him.
Bella woke up from a deep sleep. Instead of making her feel better, she just felt more exhausted. She sat up, her long hair falling in a tangle around her face. Despair washed over her again as memories of the last few hours flooded through her mind. She slipped off the bed and wandered over to the wardrobe mirror. She studied herself and winced. Her skin was white, dark rings underscored her eyes. It was the look in them that made her feel ill. Her brown eyes were dull and lifeless. For a moment she saw Renee staring back at her. Bella stumbled backwards, scrambling to get away from the image.
"Jake?" She cried hoarsely, her throat was sore from all the crying.
When he didn't answer, she frowned. Surely, he wouldn't have left her? Maybe finding out about her mom had frightened him off for good this time. She couldn't blame him. His first instinct would be to protect his son. Her hand flew to her stomach as she thought about her unborn daughter, was she to suffer the same fate too? Bella staggered out of the room and down the hall. She held on to the wall to keep herself steady.
"Jake." She called out again.
Nothing.
Bella's heart beat faster as her old fears consumed her. She had been trying her hardest over the past few weeks to overcome her past, but she had failed miserably. All her bad decisions had come back to haunt her. Feeling like a frightened child, Bella headed for the kitchen to get a glass of water. She had just turned on the tap when a voice behind her made her spin round in shock.
"Finally got up then."
The glass she was holding fell to the floor with a crash. Bella stood staring in stunned silence at the last person she expected to see. Paul Lahote stood glaring at her, his arms crossed as he looked her up and down with narrowed eyes.
"What? Why are you here?" Bella hated that her voice was trembling. "Where's Jake?"
Paul uncrossed his arms and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "He's nearby. He asked me to come and speak to you."
"Speak to me?" Bella raised a hand to her aching head. "I don't understand."
Paul walked forward cautiously, keeping his eyes riveted on her. Bella shrank back against the kitchen cabinets. "He told me about Renee."
"He told you?" The betrayal that Bella felt couldn't be described. She stared back at Paul, all the hurt and vulnerability that she felt shining in her eyes. "Why would he tell you of all people?"
Paul took a deep breath as he finally reached her. "Because when I was twelve, I came home from school and found my mother dead on her bed from a drug overdose." He said bluntly.
Bella's vision turned black as her head spun. She fainted right into Paul's arms.
Bella opened her eyes. She was lying on the couch, a cushion placed under her head. She got up too quickly and her head spun again.
"Steady. Drink this." Paul shoved a glass of water at her.
Bella took it gratefully and drank the contents greedily.
"Better?" Paul asked her.
"Yes, thank you." Bella said faintly.
Paul took the glass from her and placed it on the floor. He then pulled up a chair and sat opposite her. He studied her for a moment before speaking. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that."
Bella glanced at him through her long lashes. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "No... I'm sorry about your mom."
Paul shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, although he was far from it. "Shit happens." He muttered.
"But you were only twelve. You were a child." Bella said softly.
"So were you." Paul retorted.
Bella couldn't fail to see the significance of his words. "Yes, I was, wasn't I." She hadn't looked at it quite like that before.
"Exactly." Paul stated firmly. "Our mothers made their own choices, their own mistakes. It wasn't our fault at all."
"You don't really believe that?" Bella tested him.
"Not for a long time I didn't no. You know me and my reputation. I didn't handle it well at all. I went right off the rails. Living with mom the way she was...was hard. I had no support. My dad was a useless drunk. I was the one who had to clean up after her when she was spaced out and got sick." Paul confided. He closed his eyes for a moment and turned away.
Bella looked at him with empathy. "One time, my mom went missing for a whole weekend. I was nine at the time. I didn't know where she was. I scoured the streets looking for her, but I got scared. So, I shut myself away and waited until she came home. She was completely wasted. She was sick and locked herself in her room for three days."
Paul looked at her again. "Sounds familiar. That was a regular pattern with my mother."
Bella bit her lip nervously, wondering whether she dared ask him this question, but she found she really wanted to know. "Is that why you treat women the way you do? Because you're afraid that they'll let you down like your mom?"
"What are you a psychoanalyst?" Paul sneered.
Bella wasn't fazed by his tone at all. "No, I'm just someone who has been through a lot of shit, that's all."
Paul ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. That wasn't called for." He apologised. "I don't know, okay. Maybe there's something in what you say. But the fact is becoming part of the pack saved me. It gave me a family. Something I've never had. I may piss my brothers off a lot, but I know they'll always have my back. That includes you now. If something is wrong then you talk to any one of us. If you're having a bad day thinking about your past with your mom, then come talk to me, right?"
It was the most Bella had ever heard Paul say in one conversation. "The same goes for you. If you can't open up to your brothers and you need to vent, I'll listen."
"What is this? Fucking rehab?" Paul grinned at her suddenly. It lit up his whole face and making him look years younger.
Bella smiled back at him. "Maybe it is. We can be each other's sponsors."
Paul held out his hand. "Done."
Bella placed her hand in his and shook it. "Done." She agreed.
A/N-thanks for reading.