Thank you to Hollie for your lovely reviews! And a happy Halloween!
What a beautiful morning, Jess thought sadly as she sat in the cold garden. It was the 25th of October, and although there was a definite chill in the air, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The garden was full of colour, beautiful vibrant autumnal colours which showed life and death all in one go. Flowers her father had planted with her, knowing they'd bloom into the autumn, keeping her garden bright and happy for as long as possible.
She tucked her legs up underneath her, balancing the tea on her bump while she wrapped the blanket tighter around her. Her dad, her beloved father, was being buried today.
Like Jess, autumn was easily Robert's most favourite season. What he loved about it was the crisp crunching sound under foot of fallen leaves, and the fact that the weather could change in a snap. He would take Andy and Jess on great long walks through the woods when they were children, helping them to make fantastically big leaf piles which were then quickly demolished by two small bodies launching themselves into them. He would take photo after photo of them skipping through the leaves, climbing the nearly bare trees, and once, in Andy's case, falling out of trees, his fall broken by a soft padding of leaves, his raucous laughter being swept up in the wind and spread through the trees.
A small smile crossed Jess' face as her memories took her back to the happiest period of her life; her childhood. When the tears started to fall, she brushed them away with the back of her hand, knowing that her father would want her to sit up straight and stay strong for her mother, her brother, her husband and her baby. And that was what she was going to do.
She brushed her blonde hair out, surprised at how long it had got. Her fingers deftly moved through the natural curls, pulling them out and arranging them into a plait leading down her back. By this time, Callum was starting to stir, grunting as he stretched out and slipped out of the dream world and into reality. He sat up; shivering slightly as cold air hit his bare skin. He watched as Jess began to apply her make-up, first putting on some foundation, then framing her green eyes with black mascara, finishing off with a pinky nude lipstick. She looked up into the mirror, seeing Callum.
"Morning." she said quietly, turning to face him.
"Morning beautiful. Do you want some breakfast? I'll make pancakes." Callum said with a small smile, moving over as Jess came and sat next to him on top of the covers.
"Not yet. Let me just sit here for a while." she replied, resting her head on his shoulder, her left hand on his chest. He looked down, seeing the early morning light glinting off her engagement ring and her wedding band. He lifted the hand, kissing it gently.
"Today will be ok." he said in a strong voice. He felt Jess nod slowly.
"Mum told me that he had it all planned out. He had left her strict instructions with how he wanted it, even what he wanted her to wear." Jess said with a small laugh, thinking how unlike her father it had been to be organised. "It's going to be beautiful." There was a lull in conversation, a peaceful silence settling over the couple.
"How are you? Honestly?" Callum asked gently. Jess paused, considering her answer.
"I miss him more than I ever thought I could. There's a hole right here," she indicated her heart, "that I know won't ever heal properly. When you're a kid, you think your parents are invincible and are going to be there for you forever, helping you out of whatever current scrape you're in. And then they get ill, and you realise that they aren't as invincible as you used to think. He was my biggest fan, my greatest protector, and he's just suddenly gone. I keep thinking he's just on holiday, you know? And that he'll come back soon with more funny stories. The biggest thing that upsets me is that he won't get to meet his grandchild. My dad was the best granddad, and now our baby is going to miss out on meeting the most fantastic man." Jess had stayed strong throughout, but at the thought of her baby not ever meeting her father, a tear made its way down her cheek. Callum kissed her, wanting to take away her hurt from her.
"Remember when your mum and dad moved here, and they had the party at their house to celebrate?" Callum asked her.
"Yeah. You and dad disappeared for ages, and you wouldn't tell me where or what you were talking about." Jess said suspiciously, turning to look at him.
"Well, we were talking about the family, your family." he answered.
"Our family." Jess corrected. Callum nodded in agreement.
"I think he knew that his time was coming to an end. I don't know how he knew, but some of the things he said, looking back on it now, it seems like he knew. He said to me that his time of being the family's protector was nearly done. It was time for Andy to step up and look after your mum. I remember that he put his hand on my shoulder and looked me dead in the eye, his eyes exactly the same as yours it was jarring. He said to me that you may come across as stubborn and unwilling to accept help a lot of the time, but in the coming months you're going to need me more than you know. He said it's time for me to pick up where he left off; be your champion and look after you until the day you die. I promised him that of course I would do all those things, and then he left me." Callum said, his jaw stiff as he tried to keep his emotions at bay.
"He said that?" Jess asked softly.
"He did. I thought what he was saying sounded funny at the time, but now it all makes perfect sense." Callum said quietly, his confession of Robert's last request hanging between them.
"Oh." Jess murmured quietly, her eyes staring straight ahead. Callum pulled her tight against him, brushing kisses against her head, their baby nestled between them.
"Today is going to be a lot Jess, and I need you to promise me that you'll tell me if you don't feel well." Callum murmured into her hair.
Jess nodded against his chest, "I promise I will."
They were nearly ready. Callum had made Jess pancakes for breakfast as promised, and while they were eating, Jess and Callum shared stories from their childhood, each trading memories of their fathers. Then it was time to get dressed. As per Robert's instructions, no-one was to wear black. So, Callum wore a grey suit with a white shirt and plum tie which matched with Jess' outfit. She had on a simple wrap dress in the same plum as Callum's tie, finishing off with comfy black pumps embellished with dark purple gems on the toes. Once they were ready, they locked up the house and were met by a black saloon car which would take them to the Church.
They held hands for the entire journey, watching the world pass them by until they finally pulled up at the Church. They were met at the entrance by Andy, dressed similarly to Callum but wearing a navy shirt, and his girlfriend Mia, dressed in a plain navy velvet dress. As soon as Andy saw his sister, he left Mia's side, running to her and clinging to her, not wanting to let go. Jess hugged him tightly, kissing him on the cheek before finally they let each other go. Andy's eyes glistened, and Jess gently wiped away the tears before they fell.
"Where's mum?" Jess asked as they walked back to their partners at the entrance to the Church.
"With Luke." he replied. Jess nodded, expecting that answer. Another of Robert's wishes had been that if possible, to be buried next to his grandchild Luke. This had been arranged, and Jess was pleased that Luke and Robert would have each other once again.
"I'm going to sit down and wait for her. I'll see you there." she said, kissing her little brother once again before following Callum down the aisle and to their seats at the front.
It wasn't long before they were joined by Michelle, resplendent in a calf length red dress and shrug. She sat next to her daughter, her eyes red from crying, her chest heaving with unwept sobs. Jess placed her hand gently in Michelle's, each gripping tightly. Finally, Andy and Mia joined them, Andy sitting on Michelle's other side, also taking his mother's hand. He kissed her on her soft cheek before focusing on his father's funeral service.
It seemed to go quickly; Robert had always hated long drawn out ceremonies. They went through some prayers and a hymn, and then came to Andy's speech. His mother gently squeezed his hand, his girlfriend gave him a kiss, and his big sister smiled encouragingly at him. He took a deep breath and got up, walking past his father's coffin which he touched lightly, and took to the lectern.
"I'm Andrew Robert Hunter, Robert's son. I'd like to first thank you all for coming, some of you from long distances. My father would have appreciated it." Andy took a breath, trying to stop his hands from shaking. He began to read,
"My dad was the best. My sister Jess and I couldn't have asked for anyone better, my mother Michelle couldn't have asked for a better soul mate. My father was hardworking, strong, gentle, kind, and a regular comedian. He loved life and lived it to the fullest where possible. He was devoted to his family and close friends, and it's safe to say that he took up a big space in our hearts. My dad always provided for my family; every day he would get up, put on his shiny shoes and go to work to bring the money in. Even when he didn't feel well, after words of kindness and love from my mother, he'd be out the door once again, providing for us." Andy paused, and Jess watched as he slowly began to crumble in front of them. She slowly got to her feet and walked up to her little brother, smiling at him. She took his hand and held it tightly, stopping his shakes.
He smiled gratefully at her and ploughed on, "Our father always told us how proud he was of us. He was the one to pick us up and set us back on track. He was all the strength we ever needed. He was our protector, and now, with his death, that task falls to me. He showed strength, character and love right up until his last day. Dad, we love you so much. Look after Luke and shine down on us." Andy stood aside, allowing Jess to place her own piece of paper on the lectern.
"I'm Jess Stone, Robert's daughter. Before I read my poem, I just want dad to know how much I love him and that life won't be the same without him. This is the poem he chose for me to read." She closed her eyes and imagined her dad was the one holding her hand; it gave her the strength to carry on.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!"
They clustered around the grave, crying as if their hearts might burst as Robert's coffin was slowly lowered into the ground. Michelle, Andy and Jess each took a handful of soil, throwing it on top of the coffin. Michelle then dropped a single red rose on top, clasping her hands together as if in prayer.
As the ceremony finished and everyone began to trail away, giving the family their deepest sympathies and their apologies for their loss, only Michelle, her children and their partners were left. From her bag, Michelle pulled a largish box.
"I bought these online, I thought maybe we could each light one and let it go for your dad." Michelle said quietly. She opened the box to reveal brightly coloured sky lanterns.
"Dad would have liked that." Jess said with a nod, picking out a purple lantern. The others nodded as well, picking out their own lanterns. They stood around Robert's final resting place. Michelle went first.
"Rob, my absolute soul mate. You never ceased to amaze me. You always knew the right thing to say to make me smile, or make me laugh. You gave me two beautiful children and over thirty five years of marriage. I love you endlessly." She released her white lantern, watching as it began its ascent.
"Dad, you were one of a kind; there will be no-one else like you. Look after Luke for me. I love you forever." Jess released her purple lantern, watching it follow her mother's.
"Dad, you taught me everything I know, and if I can be half the man you were, I'll be happy. Love you." Andy raised his arms, letting go his pale blue lantern.
"Rob, I was lucky to have you as my father-in-law. Thanks for everything, you truly were the best." Callum said honestly, watching as the green lantern slipped from his fingers.
"Rob, I didn't know you well, but I wish I had. You must have been a fantastic person for raising the wonderful man I am in love with. Thank you." Mia let go of her pink lantern, and the group of five huddled together, watching until the lanterns disappeared out of sight.
As Callum and Jess lay in bed that night, they thought over the ceremony. It had been exactly what Robert had wanted; simple and beautiful. Jess lay facing the window, looking out to the sky. The stars seemed to be shining a little bit brighter tonight, causing her to smile sadly. Callum kissed her on the cheek, noticing the gentle smile.
"What are you smiling at?" he whispered.
"My dad used to say that the stars are the holes in heaven's floor." she replied, placing her hand on top of Callum's, which was caressing her belly.
"Your dad was a wise man." Callum said simply, cuddling up to his wife, both falling into a peaceful sleep with the memory of Robert surrounding them.