I could, quite happily, never leave this room! Once i forwent the memory of my torture here, it was a tranquil paradise with stunning views and the enchanting scent that only came from the pages of a book. Each floor-to-ceiling bookshelf held a variety of literature to enjoy, from first editions, modern releases, studious materials and books simply for leisure reading. I took my time examining them all, particularly the aged first editions though i studied those from afar; if i could rip clothing so easily, there was no way i was going to risk touching something so precious.

Carlisle quietly kept aside while i considered my options, then we gradually began to share our reading interests. He looked pleased to have this trait in common with me and suggested a few of his favourites, pulling them from a higher shelf. I was hesitant to hold them, concerned about damaging more of the Cullens' property, but with his reassuring smile i took them as gently as i could.

I looked up at a new sound and watched Carlisle move a chair towards the same window i had tackled Edward through earlier. I stared guiltily at the mess and went to apologize again, but Carlisle shook his head and told me not to concern myself further. For a moment i looked out into the moonlit night; it was fascinating how much i could still see in the darkness. The sound of the river flowing nearby, creatures of the night beginning to wander and chatter with each other. The scents of the surrounding forest had me taking in another breath to enjoy it some more, before remembering how easily i lost myself to those vampiric instincts and pausing mid-inhale. It felt a little uncomfortable to lose my senses, but I'd rather not take the risk. I figured i didn't need to breathe anymore as my vital organs no longer functioned, so what was the harm in staying like this?

I noticed Carlisle's eyes on me as i carefully sat down; he appeared concerned, but he didn't comment as he moved to his desk nearby. I picked up the first book in the small pile he'd given me and, before i knew it, i was lost in the story of The Count of Monte Cristo. I didn't notice the moon moving across the night sky, i stopped listening to the animals, i paid no attention to the ticking clock. I became completely absorbed within the world in my hands, feeling the most relaxed i had in days as i lounged in the chair, even while taking great care turning the pages. I only snapped out of it again when i heard Carlisle say my name and realized the morning sky was beginning to brighten.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Bella," he spoke softly, genuinely apologetic for bringing me back to reality. "I'll be leaving shortly for the hospital. If you'd like to stay in the study, you're more than welcome to. The others will be around a little longer before they head off to school and I'm sure they'd also be happy for you to spend some time with them. If you want to, of course."

It was sweet of him to offer me a choice rather than forcing one or the other. I could tell he hoped i would join the rest of the family downstairs and i knew i probably should, but i was worried about keeping myself together. These emotions were so much stronger and more intense than before; i hadn't even made a conscious thought to yell at Edward before i was in his face. I didn't want to keep making the rest of them uncomfortable with my issues; it wasn't fair on them to be surrounded by conflict. I offered Carlisle a small smile as i sat up straighter in the chair.

"I'd like to take a few more minutes to myself before i join the others, if that's ok?"

He smiled back and his hand twitched slightly, as if he were moving to offer reassurance, before pausing and giving me a nod instead. "Of course, take as much time as you need Bella, they'll be happy to see you whenever you'd like to see them."

I watched him exit the room, leaving the door slightly ajar, as i tried to push my thoughts and emotions into a controllable bundle. Surely i could manage them until they left for school at least?

Taking a big breath, my first in however many hours since I'd been up here, i let the morning air calm my rising anxiety before i found myself on my feet, the book already resting on the side. I blink for a moment, before shaking my head slightly.

I need to learn how to move and think separately. It was unnerving how instantly my body responded without the command to do so. I took another moment to gather my focus, then slowly walked through the door and down the stairs; or so i thought. It was trickier than i thought to move slowly when i didn't have someone to pace with; i felt I'd arrived in the room quicker than intended. Alice and Rosalie eyes meet mine as i reached the bottom step, having been relaxing together and talking on the sofa. I glanced around to see if the others were here too, but i could only see and hear the girls who were now grinning at me, indicating to the same chair i sat in last night.

At least he isn't here for now, i thought to myself as i took the seat again. Maybe i can hold myself together without him around.

"Hey Bella! We were just talking about the latest trends, Rose mentioning fashion week earlier made us want to visit New York again soon. We'll have to take you sometime, once you've learned control of course; we'll have so much fun! I can already picture what would suit you and we can make it a girls only trip..."

I internally balked at the conversation, freezing up for a moment; girl talk was not a strong skill or interest of mine and i was worried i wouldn't be able to participate. However, as she continued to talk away, it felt more like Alice was an excited child catching their mom up on everything they'd missed that day. I wondered if she was always like this, before catching Rosalie's joking sigh as she rolled up her Vogue magazine to playfully swat Alice with it.

"Alice, we'll have plenty of time for that." Rosalie then looked to me, still laughing as Alice huffed in response. "How are you doing, Bella?"

I thought about it for a moment, slightly surprised by the more direct question. "I'm fine." Her expression told me she wasn't buying it, nor was Alice as she turned her attention back to me. "I mean, it's difficult to grasp everything, so much has changed so quickly and these instincts are so immediate. I almost don't know what going to happen next, you know?"

They both nodded in understanding before she answered. "I get that, it's really tough at first, but i promise you it does get better. Plus, you have us; we'll make sure you get through this and have your back." Rosalie's smile was sincere and she sounded like she genuinely cared. I felt a surge of emotion and waited for my eyes to prickle tearfully in response, though nothing physically happened; maybe vampires couldn't cry?

"It makes a big difference having someone there." Alice spoke next, probably able to see my emotional reaction. "I never knew who changed me and woke up alone, no memories or anything. Thankfully, my visions gave me something to focus on and aim for, which brought me to the Cullens a few decades later; you couldn't ask for a better group to live your life with."

I stared in surprise at Alice. She went through it alone? It was hard enough with the others around me; how had she managed by herself?

"Jasper helped too," she responded just as i went to ask her about it. "It still took a while to find him, but if i didn't have those visions guiding me, my story could be very different."

"Alice and Jasper are the only ones here who weren't created by a Cullen; she sought us out and caused a lot of confusion when she did." Rosalie laughed at the memory as she moved to sit on the arm of my chair. "Like Alice mentioned before, living the way we do tends to band us together. Alice is like the little sister i never had, though she can be an energetic pest sometimes."

"Hey!" Alice feigned outrage as Rosalie began to play with my hair, stifling a giggle. "I'm not that bad! You'd be totally lost without me and you know it!"

They continued to playfully argue with each other as i watched on with amusement. Without my emotions plaguing my thoughts, i could see they really were like close family or best friends. Their bond was genuine and, to my surprise, i found i envied them for it. Rosalie, after checking with me first, began to style my hair into some kind of updo, while they told me more of their past adventures together. I soon found myself laughing with them, relaxing and enjoying their company; it made me feel like a normal person hanging out with girlfriends, though still a new experience as i didn't really have close friends in Phoenix.

Esme walked into the house while we were laughing at one of Alice's stories, a content expression on her face and happiness in her eyes as she observed us. Rosalie and Alice quickly had me on my feet to show their efforts, as if presenting their work to a proud parent, while encouraging me to turn in a small circle. I couldn't help but laugh at what felt like a silly presentation, catching their responding smiles, before turning back to face Esme and immediately locking eyes with Edward; he must have returned to the room with the rest of the Cullen men to see what was going on. Everyone seemed to freeze in response with me, the smile on my face falling into more of a grimace, as i did my best to not react further to his presence.

Not now, don't make their morning unpleasant. I released a shaky breath and turned back to the girls, who continued to watch warily.

"Thanks for hanging out with me, it was fun." I smiled at them, showing i was grateful. "I'll see you both after school." To avoid making things more awkward, i raised my hand in a small, goodbye wave to the others, before heading to my bedroom.

I didn't want to hear their conversations about Edward and i, so with great care i pushed the door closed, turned on the radio and moved towards the large, picture window, sitting in the chair nearby as i continued watching the world go by. Dawn was definitely here now, with the birds starting to chirp their morning song as i tried to not let my thoughts get the better of me. If I'd been told before i left Phoenix that, in less than a week, I'd be attacked, turned into a vampire and adopted into their family, i would've laughed at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Yet, somehow, this was my life now and, on top of that, i was stuck in the same house with the one who had caused it all. How do you get around a situation like that?

I could hear the others begin to get ready for their day ahead; showers, the rustle of clothing, then the sound of an engine and wheels on gravel as they left. I was beginning to feel lonely after this morning, when i heard soft footsteps and a light tap on my door. I glanced over at Esme appearing in the frame, checking she could come in before moving towards me and taking a seat on the nearby bed.

"I thought I'd check to see if you were ok, Bella," Esme seemed as shy as i was. She spoke in a gentle, motherly tone, which I'd guess was her natural manner. "I know it's a lot to take in and i wouldn't want you to feel you have to hide away from us all the time."

Something about the way she spoke to me brought the sensation of having a lump in my throat. It was clear from her expression and tone she did care and, while i did love my mom, that had never been our relationship dynamic. The same for my dad; i knew that he cared, but he wasn't the type to speak his emotions, a trait i had also inherited. To have someone so openly care for me left me unsure how to respond, so i swallowed the lump away and relaxed my guarded expression.

"Thank you for checking, Esme. I appreciate how welcoming you and the others have been." I paused for a moment as i tried to find the right words. "I know my emotions keep getting the better of me and i don't want you all to be uncomfortable because of that."

Moving slowly to allow me time to stop her, she gently moved her hand to cover mine to offer her support. "Bella, no one thinks you're making things difficult and you're still so young to this life. It takes a great deal of control to handle our emotions and instincts, which you're already trying to fight on top of everything else. We all understand the difficulty being around Edward; no one will force that on you and no one wants you to leave, either."

The thought of running off again had crossed my mind when i came up here. I wondered how she knew, then guessed Alice had told the others just in case i followed through with it. "But you see him as your son, right? Surely it would be best for the family to not have to live on eggshells around me every day."

She was shaking her head while i spoke, as if it wasn't even in question. "We've lived together for a number of decades; do you not believe we've had our own conflicts and struggles before now? I know you have reservations about it, but we do see you as a part of our family, yelling and arm throwing included." She seemed pleased at my surprised laugh to her choice of wording. "Besides, you're not the only one who likes to tell Edward off; he and Rose have been arguing for years and, if you hadn't beaten her to it, she probably would've been next in line to fight him."

I hadn't expected that, though i had noticed Rosalie's anger at him when they'd been around each other; i wonder what their issue was? Whatever it was, i was glad she seemed to like me rather than being on her bad side. The image of Rosalie's fury and my feelings about Edward together had me smirking to myself. I wouldn't want to be him.

"Thanks for saying that. I do still worry about making things uncomfortable for everyone else, but I'm grateful for the reassurance. I enjoyed spending time with the girls this morning and thought I'd leave before i ruined their fun."

Esme patted my hand as she stood back up, offering me another one of her gentle smiles as she reached the door. "You can always be yourself around us, Bella. Besides, did they look like they were walking on eggshells earlier to you?"

As she left me to my thoughts, i realized she was right. So far, nearly all the Cullens had attempted to help me feel comfortable and welcome. If they'd had to interfere or be serious, they still gave me the chance to talk and express myself. I had some pause at the thought of Jasper, not liking the idea of needing a self-appointed guard around to prevent my mood swings getting out of control, or forcing my compliance by making things foggy in my head. I shook off the memory, not wanting to be made to feel that again, though i could see now he didn't act by his own thoughts but by what was best for everyone in that moment. It may not be the favored way, but maybe he felt it was his duty to protect and prevent more harm to the family, acting almost like the Cullens' personal police officer.

Police officer... My mind, so easily distracted, zeroed in on thoughts of my dad. I'd only spent a few days living with him before Edward attacked me and now that's all the time we'd get together. I couldn't imagine what he must be going through and, while i wanted to know, i wasn't sure how I'd feel when we talked about it later. Mostly, i wanted to see him for myself, to check on how he was doing and to help him however possible. Who was going to take care of him now i couldn't be there? I had risen to my feet and was at the staircase before i realized what i was doing, immediately stopping my movements. Of course i couldn't go and find him! Look what happened to the deer when i caught its scent; how on earth would i be able to see him and not lose control?

"Bella? Are you ok?" His deeper tone pulled me from my thoughts. I looked below to see Edward staring up at me, wearing a guarded yet concerned expression as he assessed my current state. I realized my grip was crushing the top of the stair rail; i quickly let go and took a step back as i observed him in return. He must have showered and changed at some point in the night, as he was no longer covered in mud, nor was he favoring the arm I'd ripped off before. I felt my eyes cool at the sight of him, hands clenching back into fists at my sides and taking a breath, before i responded in an even tone.

"Yes, I'm fine. I was going to find Esme and help her around the house." It was the first thing i could think of, but he didn't question it as he took a few steps away from the bottom of the staircase.

"She's currently in the kitchen, I'm sure she'd be delighted for the company." His tone mimicked mine, indicating which way to go as i moved down the stairs.

"Thank you." My response was clipped as i reached the bottom, my eyes briefly looking to his a few feet away. His stance was wary, as if anticipating another attack, though i couldn't work out the expression in his burgundy eyes. The scent of the forest coming from him made me curious what he'd been up to, before remembering that i don't care what he does, as long as he leaves me be.

"You're welcome." His tone was short, yet somehow still soft in reply. He dropped his gaze to the ground, no longer watching me as i moved in the direction he indicated. I was grateful for it, never enjoying being watched by others, as i found Esme tidying up an already spotless kitchen.

"Can i help you, Esme?" She looked over to me as i entered, pleased to find me out of my room, before considering my question.

"You can if you'd like, though there's not much for us to do. I planned to spend some time tidying the gardens, otherwise the bedding can be changed. Do you have a preference?"

The thought of getting out of the house was tempting, but recalling the urge to find my dad as well as losing control with the deer made me hesitant. "I'm happy to change the bedding, will it be for everyone?"

"Yes, though Edward doesn't have a bed so you won't need to worry about him or yourself for now. Thank you, Bella." She smiled again at me, which i returned shyly before heading back to the staircase while Esme ventured outside.

I winced at i took in the damage, obvious to anyone even without enhanced vision. Promising to apologize to Esme and Carlisle later, i ventured to the rooms and, recalling the difficulty with the clothing and crushed railing, took extra time and caution in each room, pleased when i didn't shred anything. By the time i came back to the staircase, i paused in surprise to find Edward working on the damage. I wasn't sure how he'd located a replacement piece for the area i broke, but he already had it fitted and was just finishing up when he noticed me there.

"I know how you felt about the window and imagined you'd feel the same about this. We had some spare parts so I've repaired it before you had to tell anyone else." He looked a little abashed, but he offered me a friendly smile. "Our little secret."

I didn't really know what to make of it; i was grateful he'd fixed it, though i found his smile and attempt to buddy up to me irritating. Did he think something like this would clear the air between us? That i would forgive him over something so trivial while my blood was still reflecting in his eyes?

My hands clenched again with my rising annoyance and, to my dismay, i heard the sound of fabric ripping, my frustration increasing further with it. I focused on relaxing my grip on the bedding and taking another deep breath, but i couldn't help the huff that came out as i replied.

"Thanks, that definitely makes up for everything." I didn't hide the sarcasm in my tone, my eyes rolling away from his confused ones as i felt my breathing accelerate in anger. I turned away, giving him no time to respond as i hurriedly descended the staircase.

He could fix any damage I'd made and be as friendly as he wanted to be, but it was going to take a lot more than that before i forgave Edward Cullen.

A/N: As always, thank you for your continued support and i hope you're still enjoying the story!