As it turned out, trying to ignore the kiss had been a lot harder than Bella had expected. Her dreams had been plagued with the memory of their heated kiss, the feel of his body pressed against hers, and the feel of his hair between her fingers. How the hell was she supposed to face the man now when she knew how good it felt to be in his arms?
Gripping the steering wheel harder, her knuckles turning white, she watched as Carlisle drove into the lot, parked and headed into the building. She'd gotten there early wanting to talk to him about the book, but then she'd started to worry about the kiss, and what it meant and how things would be different. Now she was frozen with indecision on whether to go in and act like nothing happened, or to wait there till Edward showed up and use him as a buffer so she wouldn't have to talk to him.
In the end, she did the latter of the two. When Edward pulled into the parking lot, she jumped out and rushed over to him. "You're early." He chuckled at her as he slung his bag over his shoulder.
"I got here early so I could talk to Carlisle about the book I finished, but then I saw him and started thinking about the dance and I got all nervous, then I backed out and waited for you." She blurted out in one long breath.
Edward laughed at her, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "Come on, I'll protect you from Carlisle."
True to his word, Edward escorted her to her locker seemingly oblivious to the stares they were getting from the student body around them, then walked her to history. As soon as she caught sight of Carlisle, she ducked her head, unable to meet his gaze when it settled on her. Jealousy flared up from the darkness and when she dared to glance up, she could see Carlisle's eyes fixed on them, his expression neutral. Edward's arm was still draped over her shoulders, and she almost wanted to shrug it off, if it wasn't for the fact that he was the only thing keeping her moving.
As they approached the door, Edward's arm fell, and he turned to put himself between her and Carlisle. "I'll swing by after class to collect you."
Nodding, she gave him a tentative smile. To her surprise, Edward leaned over and kissed her cheek. Gaping, she blushed a bright red as he grinned and ran off, leaving her alone. Anger stirred in the darkness mixing with his jealousy and before Carlisle could say anything, she rushed into the room and took her seat. She kept her head down the whole class period, too nervous to meet his gaze. The class period did nothing to settle Carlisle's emotional storm, and by the end of the class period, she was almost feeling ill from it.
When the bell rang, she quickly gathered her things, but before she could make a hasty retreat, Carlisle called out to her. "Bella, can I see you for a moment?"
Worrying at her bottom lip, she waited for the other students to clear out of the room. The drone of students passing by was loud in the silence that passed between them. The turmoil that had been plaguing him all class had calmed down for the moment, replaced by guilt and shame. Feeling awkward in the silence, she tentatively lifted her gaze to his face. He was staring at the floor and shifting from foot to foot.
Finally, he took a deep breath and looked at her. "About Friday…"
"BELLA!" Edward yelled as he leaned against the door frame. "Come on slow poke, let's go."
The anger from before roared back to life, as Carlisle glared at Edward. Ducking her head, she mumbled an apology to Carlisle and scurried over to Edward, who was giving Carlisle a flat stare. They left the blonde behind, and she could feel him seething at Edward's interruption, but Bella was elated. She was not ready to hear what the man had to say, and definitely didn't want to hear that he rejected her. If she avoided talking to him, maybe she could live in Edward's strange world of soulmates for a little longer.
For the rest of the day, Edward was a bit overly protective of her, and if she didn't know any better, acting like they were a couple. She planned to ask him about it at lunch, but Jessica beat her too it. "So, you two are like a thing now?"
Edward flashed her a smile. "That's right."
Bella shot him a surprised glance but played along. "Yeah, since the dance."
Jessica's eyes flitted between the two like she wasn't sure she believed them. "I thought you already had a girlfriend. What happened to her?"
Edward made a face. "Never said I had one, that was just a rumor someone started."
"Oh, well that's awesome, I'm happy for you two."
Her smile was fake. It was no secret that Jessica had fancied Edward so the news of him choosing anyone but her would sting just a little. Bella didn't really care what anyone thought, she wasn't interested in having a boyfriend, unless it was a certain blonde man, so this was perfect. It kept the girls away from Edward, and the guys away from her. Alice jumped in and started asking Bella about what she would wear to the game night, apparently her normal attire wasn't acceptable, so the pixie girl invited herself over after school Wednesday to help her find something more suitable to wear.
Jasper smirked when Bella tried to argue. "You won't win, she's relentless when she's set her mind to something."
Alice smiled, leaning over and kissing the corner of Jasper's mouth.
With a heavy sigh, Bella gave in. "Fine, but I'd still like to know why I need to be dolled up for a game night."
Alice gave her a playful huff, looking at her seriously. "It's not dolled up, just a little nicer outfit to get his attention."
Bella blushed rounding on Edward. "Did you tell her?" She hissed out, trying to keep her voice down.
"Of course not." He checked that no one was listening before leaning closer. "Alice is very…perceptive."
"You realize that sounds like a bold-faced lie, right?"
Edward shrugged. "It's as close as I can get to the truth right now."
Rolling her eyes, she leaned back in her chair. "Is anything about your family going to make sense?"
A grin tugged at his lips. "We are a pretty unique family."
Shaking her head, she nudged him with her shoulder. "Just promise me one day you'll tell me the full story, no lies, no half-truths, but the full story."
"I promise."
Temporarily satisfied, she nodded, and they finished out their day like normal. It bugged her all night that Alice was aware of her feelings for Carlisle, and things only got weirder when she got a text from her saying she wouldn't tell anyone about it. It made her worry that she'd been too obvious about her feelings, or maybe people had seen them kiss at the dance. Whatever the reason, she was determined to try and be more casual around the man to hopefully throw people off the trail. The last thing she needed was the whole school knowing she liked her teacher.
The next morning, she sat in the parking lot trying to figure out how to proceed with today. She felt bad using Edward as a buffer, but she wasn't sure she was ready yet to face Carlisle alone. Anxiety filled her at the idea of having to confront Carlisle. The very thought of him rejecting her caused a deep ache in her chest. Even now the idea that he would push her away had tears forming in her eyes. She wished she understood why it bothered her so much; they'd only shared one kiss after all. It made her wonder if Edward was right, maybe there was something more behind her feelings.
Breathing slowly, she closed her eyes, trying to will her anxiety and fear away. A warmth reached out from the darkness, calm and comforting and she found herself relaxing as it spread throughout her body. It made her think of strong arms wrapping around her, holding her close, protecting her. Wrapping her arms around herself, she wished she had someone to hold her. Maybe she could ask Edward for a hug, or go see Jacob, he was always willing to hug her. Sighing, she felt a little pathetic.
Grabbing her bag, she pushed open her door. A thud followed by a grunt pulled her from her thoughts and she looked with horror to find Carlisle next to her truck, nursing his shoulder. Blushing, she scrambled out of the truck.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?"
Carlisle nodded, rubbing his shoulder. "I'll be fine."
An awkward silence filled the space between them. It was strange seeing the uncertainty in Carlisle's eyes. In class he was always so confident and seeing him uneasy like this was strangely unnerving. Deciding it was time to face the music, she squared her shoulders and met his gaze despite the fear that filled her.
"You wanted to talk to me yesterday?"
He nodded, wringing his hands nervously. "Yes. About Friday…about the kiss…it was unprofessional of me. I wanted to say I'm sorry."
Sorrow filled her chest, and her gaze dropped from his, unable to look at him. It hurt to hear him apologize for something she'd enjoyed and wanted to do again. "So…you regret it?"
There was a long pause, the silence almost painful as she waited for his answer.
"No."
Her eyes shot up to his and was met with sincerity. "What?"
"I don't regret it." Carlisle stepped closer. "I enjoyed it and therein lies the problem. Bella, it can't happen again, ever."
Tears stung her eyes as she turned away, not wanting him to see her cry. Devastated, she took a shaky breath and reached into her bag, pulling out the books she'd borrowed from him. She had only intended to return the one she'd finished, but now, the idea of looking at them hurt and she didn't want any reminders of him right now. Once again there was a glimmer of light from the darkness reaching out trying to offer her comfort, but she shoved it away.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Carlisle wince. Taking the books, she held them out to him. "Here." It was all she could manage to say without her voice trembling.
"You finished them already?" There was a hint of a smile on his lips, but she didn't return it.
"No, I don't want them anymore." It pained her to say it, knowing it would likely hurt him.
His smile faded as he slowly took them from her, tucking them into his messenger bag. "Bella…"
"Don't." she shouldered her bag and turned to walk away.
His hand shot out and grabbed her by the elbow. "Please Bella, I need you to understand."
Rounding on him she scowled. "Understand what? That you like me, that you kissed me, that were connected somehow but you refuse to acknowledge it because of some stupid rule? What don't I understand?"
His eyes were soft, full of sadness and remorse as he watched her. The tears were flowing down her cheeks now, she couldn't stop them, the ache in her chest felt like it would tear her open at any moment. The only thing holding her there was the hand still wrapped around her elbow. She wanted to flee, to find Edward and let him comfort her.
Suddenly, she found herself wrapped in Carlisle's arms, her face pressing against his chest as he held her tight. Her arms instinctively wrapped around him, clinging to his jacket as she cried into his chest. She could feel him trembling as his cheek came to rest against the top of her head.
"Bella, sweet Bella, please don't cry." One of his hands lightly stroked her hair. "It's not just the rule about dating students. I don't do things halfway. There are things about me you don't know, and it's not fair to you for me to start something knowing I can't be completely open with you."
Slowly calming down, she leaned back slightly to look up at him. "Then tell me."
The hand in her hair came to cup her face, brushing away the remaining tears from her cheek. He looked like he desperately wanted to tell her, and she could feel from the darkness that it pained him to hold it back. "If I could, I would. I'm sorry Bella, I really am."
Feeling dejected, she pulled away from the comfort of his embrace. "Fine, goodbye Mr. Cullen."
There was a pang of guilt that hit her from the darkness as she walked away. It pained her to walk away, but what else could she do? Heading inside, she found Edward by her locker, so she grabbed his hand and led him to a secluded area and told him what happened. Edward held her and let her vent out her frustrations, listening to her and rubbing her back when she broke down again. It didn't help that she could feel the guilt and remorse coming from the darkness and occasionally tentative tendrils of comfort trying to soothe her distress, but it only made it worse.
The final bell rang, but she didn't move, too wrapped up in her despair. Edward, however, stood her up and led her out to his car and drove them away from the school. He drove them to the local grocery store, ran inside for about 15 minutes then came back out with a bag and set it in the back seat. When she questioned it, he smiled and told her to wait. Not long after, they arrived at Edward's house, her confusion building, and he grabbed the bag and led her inside and into the kitchen. It was then he revealed that he'd bought her several pints of ice cream, and once she'd selected her favorite, he stashed the others. They moved into the living room, and he pulled out a selection of movies and after a playful argument over which was the best, they settled on one and he popped it in.
She propped herself against Edward, wrapping the blanket he'd tossed over her around her, and ate her ice cream and watched the movie. It was perfect and by the end of the movie, she was feeling a lot better. The ache in her chest had lessened and she was finding herself laughing at Edward's running commentary as they started a second movie. They passed their day like this, and when lunch time came around, Alice and Jasper appeared with a bag of food for her.
After she ate, Alice sent the boys away and curled up on the couch with her for 'girl talk'. Once again, she went through what happened with Carlisle, though this time it was a little easier to relay the events. It was still hard to know he wouldn't even try, and it still left her aching, but this time she got through it without crying.
Alice gave her a soft smile. "I know it's hard right now, but he'll come around."
Sighing, she shook her head. "I'm not so sure. I don't even know why this hit me so hard, it's not like we were dating but it still feels like a hole's been ripped open in me."
"It's not far off, the mating bond is a strong connection between two people, him rejecting you is going against that bond and that hurts both of you."
"What do I do in the meantime? How do I face him, just the thought of seeing him hurts." She pulled her knees up to her chest.
Alice beamed, jumping to her feet. "What we do is show him what he's missing, come, let's revamp your wardrobe. I bought a few things for tomorrow, but now's just as good a time as any to try them out."
What Alice meant by a few things turned out to be almost a whole new wardrobe. There was a dozen or so blouses, several new skirts and pants, a dress or two and then of course, shoes that she'd likely never wear. Most of the blouses were alright, she could see herself wearing a few of them on a regular basis, and the skirts and pants were fine as well. The dresses were more of a special event type attire, and surprisingly, there were two pairs of shoes that were flats and safe for her to try out. She was avidly against the heals though.
At the end of the day, Alice drove her back to her truck, helping her load all the new clothes into the cab before they each headed to their homes.
Come Wednesday morning, she found herself walking into school in an off-shoulder blouse, and her new jeans that fit like a glove on her. Alice lent her a stylish jacket to wear on top of it all, and she'd even done her hair this morning, adding a few curls to her locks. People gawked at her new look, but she didn't care, they always stared at her these days.
Meeting up with Edward, they headed to her locker so she could drop off the jacket and then headed to her history class. Edward squeezed her shoulder when she hesitated and whispered encouragement to her as he urged her forward.
"What if he doesn't even notice?" She whispered.
"He will, you look good, now get in there." He gave her another gentle push, forcing her into the room.
As soon as she entered, Carlisle's eyes darted towards her, and she felt her heart rate pick up as she moved to her desk. She couldn't meet his gaze, but she could feel him staring at her. Desire swirled around inside the darkness. Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, her phone buzzed and when she checked it, it was Edward.
Edward: He loves it.
Smiling, she pulled out her notebook while she waited for class to start. A packet was set down on her desk, causing her to look up into those gold eyes in surprise. His eyes drifted down her body before flicking back up to her eyes and she could see him swallow.
"The packet from yesterday, so you don't fall behind." He spoke softly.
Nodding, she took it and tucked it into her backpack. "Thank you."
Carlisle looked around for a moment before his gaze dropped back down to her. "You look nice."
Thanking him again, he walked back to his desk gathering what he needed for the day. Grinning, she made a mental note to thank Alice for the clothes at lunch. All throughout the class period Carlisle's eyes drifted to her, a conflicted look in his eyes each time their gaze met. When class was over, his gaze followed her out of the room. The rest of the day passed normally, Edward keeping her distracted from the stares and whispers around her.
Her nerves kicked in at the end of the day as she headed home, with Alice following behind her. She was going to drop her truck off at home, then ride with Alice to the house. Alice wanted her to change her outfit, but she refused. As much as she wanted to look good for Carlisle, she didn't want to overdo it. The whole day she'd felt the conflict brewing inside the man, and it made her feel a bit guilty. The loneliness she felt from him was so strong, it was almost crippling at times, and all she wanted to do was reach out and rid him of that burden, to show him he wasn't alone anymore.
If only he'd let her.
So, once they'd stopped at Bella's house and let Charlie know where she'd be, they headed to the Cullen house, Alice happily chatting about them having a girl's night soon. Knowing Alice, she knew it was going to happen, so instead of trying to resist it, she agreed. Charlie would be working over the weekend for the next couple of weeks, so she offered up her house for the girl's night. Alice was thrilled as they pulled up to the house, Edward coming out to greet them.
"Hey Bella, ready to get your butt kicked?" Edward grinned mischievously.
She crossed her arms over her chest, cocking a hip. "No chance, I'll whip you in any game."
Edward laughed. "You're so going down, now get in here."
Laughing, she followed him inside. To her surprise, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Jasper and Carlisle were already huddled around the coffee table, a game of Risk already in progress. Edward took his place next to Esme, and she noticed the fond smile Esme gave him and the hand she placed on his knee. Alice squeezed in between Jasper and Emmett which only left one spot open for her and it was right next to Carlisle. Nibbling her bottom lip, she sat next to him feeling him tense. His gaze stayed focused on the game as they each took their turns and after several rounds Carlisle started to relax again. She watched in amusement as one by one they fell to Jasper's ruthless strategy.
Emmett fell first, followed by Rosalie, Esme was taken out by Carlisle, causing Edward to vow revenge on him. Together Carlisle and Jasper took Edward down before the two became locked in a battle of wits trying to outmaneuver the other. Sides formed and Alice, Esme and Edward were cheering Jasper on while Emmett and Rosalie, still sore from losing to Jasper, cheered Carlisle on. By this point in the game, Bella had forgotten the earlier awkwardness and found herself cheering Carlisle on. At some point, they'd shifted closer to each other, and now one of her knees was pressed against his.
It took a while, but eventually Jasper got the upper hand and ended up winning the game, Alice congratulating him with a kiss. Bella expected Carlisle to pull away as they packed the game up and pulled out Monopoly, but he didn't. Esme disappeared for a bit and brought out snacks that Bella happily munched on as they got the game going. Bella took an early lead in the game and within the hour, had taken out Emmett and Edward from the game. At some point during the game, Carlisle's hand came to rest on her knee, though whether he knew he'd placed it there, she wasn't sure, but she wasn't about to tell him no.
It ended up distracting her, especially when he'd give her knee a gentle squeeze now and then. It had her heart beating wildly in her chest, and she wanted to reciprocate, though she was worried he'd pull away. Glancing to Alice for support, she gave her a knowing smile and nodded to her. Trying to still her beating heart, she reached over and placed her hand on his muscular thigh, just above his knee. His thigh tensed, and she could see his jaw clenching, and from the darkness she could feel his uncertainty. Feeling he was going to pull away again, she lowered her head in disappointment and started to pull her hand back.
To her surprise, the hand on her knee caught her hand and placed it back on his thigh, his larger hand covering hers. Her heart fluttered and she gave his thigh a slight squeeze that he reciprocated by squeezing her hand. Her focus on the game was greatly diminished at this point and she made several big mistakes that ended up costing her the game, but she couldn't bring herself to care because he continued to hold her hand. The game went on for another hour or so, Esme ending up the victor. Emmett, having gotten bored, had started playing a video game while Rosalie watched Jasper and Edward started a game of chess while Alice and Esme chatted about styles and fashion leaving her with Carlisle.
His thumb grazed over the back of her knuckles almost absently as he watched the chess match. Occasionally, she'd lean closer to Carlisle asking him about the game and who was winning, since she knew next to nothing about chess, and he'd explain what was going on to her in simple terms that she could follow. It was nice and she didn't want it to stop.
Sadly, mother nature called, and she had to excuse herself and headed to the bathroom. On her way back, she passed by Carlisle's study and noticed the door was now open, having been closed just a few minutes ago. Stepping into the doorway, her eyes quickly located Carlisle sitting on the edge of his desk, staring down at the hand that had held hers. Not wanting to intrude, she started to turn away, but she could almost hear Edward in the back of her mind telling her to go inside, to go to him.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she hesitated there torn between running to him or from him. Her presence didn't go as unnoticed as she'd hoped and nearly jumped when Carlisle spoke. "You can come in; you don't have to hide in the doorway."
Blushing fervently, she came forward a little. "Sorry, I didn't want to intrude."
"You're not, I was just thinking of getting some work done." Carlisle smiled at her, but the smile seemed forced.
"You don't want to join us for more games?" She asked tentatively, wondering if maybe she had pushed him to hard and now was isolating himself from the others.
"I think I'm all gamed out for the night, but you should go join them, I'm sure you'll have more fun without me." He gave a lighthearted chuckle, but it didn't help her, she could feel the turmoil brewing inside him. Bella could feel the longing in him, the desire he felt for her, but why wouldn't he act on it? Was it the overwhelming loneliness she felt in him, was he so weighed down by it that he couldn't act on what he wanted, or was he afraid she'd pull away?
"Your wrong." Her voice came out soft and timid, but she held her head up, wanting to face him, to prove to him that she wouldn't run, she would stand with him. "We want you with us, I want you with us, with me. I want to hear you laugh some more, I want to see you smile, really smile, and I want to hold your hand again."
As she spoke, she moved closer to him, her hand reaching out and taking his, holding it between her palms. When he didn't pull away, she brought his hand up to her face, laying his palm against her cheek, the cold of his hand felt incredible against her burning cheek. Still, he didn't pull away, though she could feel the tension rising in him as the tumultuous storm inside raged on. Turning towards his hand, she lightly placed a kiss against his palm, nearly smiling as his breath caught and out of the corner of her eye, she saw him swallow hard.
"Bella." His voice was barely more than a whisper. Finally, his hand moved, but instead of pulling away, it moved against her face, his thumb exploring the contours of her cheek and down to her lips where it lightly ran across her bottom lip. A deep ache formed in the darkness threatening to overwhelm them both.
Reaching up, she cupped the back of his neck gently pulling him down till their foreheads met, her eyes closing. "You're not alone." Her other hand came up to settle against his cheek as she held him close. "You have me now, I'm here."
She could almost hear his resolve cracking, his arms moving to circle around her waist pulling her closer to him as he dipped his head down to her shoulder. Her arms moved to wrap around his neck and shoulders, holding him close letting him take his time. Through the bond she tried to reassure him, to let him feel that she was genuine and that his desire for her matched her own for him. She wanted him, secrets and all, she'd bear them with him, she'd stand by him always. In the back of her mind, she came to the realization that despite having known him for such a short time, she loved him. The very idea of being away from him hurt her, not getting to be with him like this, to see him, touch him, it all pained her greatly. She wanted him more than anything in the world, and she let him feel it.
A low growl emanated from deep in Carlisle's chest, his arms holding her a little tighter, boarding on painful. "My Bella."
Though it was a statement, she felt him questioning it through the bond. With a smile, she nodded. "Yours."
There was fear and uncertainty through the bond but also hope. Grabbing hold of that hope, she gently lifted his head, until she was able to capture his lips in a kiss, pouring all her affection for him into it. Without breaking the kiss, Carlisle stood, turning them before lifting her onto the desk and stepping between her legs as the kiss deepened. Her hands drifted down his chest, feeling the contours of his muscles, while his hands trailed over her back. Wrapping her legs around his waist she gave a low moan as his tongue dove into her willing mouth to tangle with her own.
It took monumental effort for her to pull away when she needed to breathe, Carlisle's mouth continued to pepper kisses along her jaw and down her neck to her shoulder. She hummed contently loving the attention, as she used her legs to pull him closer, moaning slightly when she felt his arousal pressing against her thigh. To her delight, he made no move to hide it from her.
"Carlisle, promise me you won't push me away again, please?" She knew it probably sounded childish to ask it of him, but she worried that by tomorrow, he'd regret everything and try to send her away again. The very idea of it made her heart feel like it was about to shatter.
He nuzzled into her neck, kissing her just below her ear making her shiver. Several minutes passed but he didn't answer her, so she gently pushed him away, looking up into his eyes. There was hesitation there and she could feel his trepidation flowing from the bond. Fear started to creep up, filling her with dread as she watched him try to turn away from her.
"Please." Her voice trembled as she gripped his shirt tightly. "Don't push me away again, you want me, I know you do. I want you too, please, let me be there for you."
Carlisle's hands came up to hers and lightly pried them off his shirt. "I can't promise you, as much as I want to, I can't. Not yet."
"You can't keep pulling me in then turning away."
He winced slightly. "I'm sorry."
Turning away from him, she tried to school her features to keep the disappointment from showing. If she didn't know better, she'd say he was playing with her, purposefully making her think he cared and then pulling away to laugh at her. How many times would she fall for this, how many times would she open up to him only to have him pull away again. She wanted to yell, to scream, something, but all she managed to do was sit there, letting her heart fall into depression once again.
"Then when?" She asked flatly, keeping her face turned away from him.
Carlisle tried to turn her to face him, but she pulled away from his touch. It stung him to have her reject his touch, but right now, she didn't find comfort in it. "When you know the truth about us."
She snickered. "What, like the Quileute legend about vampires and wolves?" Standing, she faced him, anger flaring up inside of her. Was he really rejecting her then blaming it on some stupid story? "Whatever game you're playing with Edward, it needs to stop. Vampires aren't real. If…If you didn't want to be with me, then just say so, don't blame some stupid made up story."
Brushing past him, she headed down the stairs, grabbed her coat and started walking down the driveway. She was angry. Angry at herself for falling for it again, angry at Carlisle for leading her on, angry at Alice and Edward for encouraging her to keep trying and angry that she still irrevocably loved him.
She was done.
Bella got about a mile down the road before a jeep pulled up, the passenger door opening to reveal Emmett at the wheel. "Hey girlie, hop in, I'll take you home."
Frowning she shook her head. "I'll walk thanks."
Emmett signed, keeping pace with her. "Come on, it's a long walk and it is getting dark, I promise I won't make you talk about what happened."
A cold breeze went by, and she shivered. Groaning, she got into the jeep and buckled in. True to his word, Emmett didn't question her, just drove her home and said goodnight to her. Heading inside, she went to her room and threw herself onto her bed, hugging her pillow to her chest. The ache from yesterday was back in full force and this time, there was no Edward to help calm her. She considered reaching out to Jacob, but didn't feel like explaining all this through text. Plus, she had no idea how he'd handle her stupidly falling for her teacher. It was the same reason she couldn't talk to her mom, or Charlie about it, they'd likely be furious and worse, could cost Carlisle his teaching license. As angry as she was, she didn't want to get him in trouble. This left her with no one.
She was alone.
Closing her eyes, she let herself wallow in her sadness until sleep finally took her. Her dreams were fitful, and several times she woke up crying, the emptiness in her chest still hanging heavily on her as she'd try to go back to sleep. Eventually, she gave up trying around 3 in the morning. Grabbing her phone, there were almost a dozen texts from Edward, asking if she was alright, if she got home ok, why wasn't she answering, he was sorry, and so on and so forth. Knowing he was likely asleep, she set the phone back down, only to pick it up a moment later and type out a message to him.
Bella: Tell me the truth, was this whole Carlisle and me thing just a joke?
Before she could put the phone down, the little ellipsis showed up showing he was typing, so she waited.
Edward: No, I would never play with your emotions like that.
She stared at the screen for a long time, not sure what to say. She wanted answers, but Edward had always been cagey about answering personal questions, so she doubted he'd be willing to tell her now. While she contemplated her next move, another message came in.
Edward: Bella, I am so sorry for tonight, but please don't give up on him. He loves you.
It stung her to read the message. Any other time, she might have been elated to hear it, but now, she didn't believe it. If he loved her, he'd have promised to stay with her, but instead, he rejected her, again. Closing her eyes, she sighed heavily, trying not to remember the feel of his cold hand against her face, the feel of his thumb trailing over her lip, or the feel of his mouth against hers. Deep down, she knew Edward was right, she'd felt it in the kiss and through the bond. The problem was, if the man wasn't willing to admit it, then this was all for nothing.
Bella: He doesn't want me; he's made that clear. I'm done, Edward.
Edward: Please reconsider, if not for his sake, for yours.
Not wanting to argue with him, she gave in.
Bella: I'll consider it.
Edward: Thank you.
Tossing her phone onto the bed next to her, she sighed looking up at her ceiling. This week had been an emotional roller coaster, and she wished it was over. It irked her that there were still two more days of school left.
Could the week get any worse?
Morning came slowly, and she was dragging. Having gotten very little sleep, she considered just skipping school, then she wouldn't have to face him. Charlie, however, had other plans and ushered her out of the house and to school before he headed off to work. Bella parked in the back of the lot today, mostly because the spots up close had already been taken by the time she got there, but also because she was still debating skipping. From across the lot, she spotted Carlisle's golden hair as he was weaving through the cars toward the school.
Nibbling her lower lip, she climbed out of The Beast, watching his retreating back. Distracted by him, she barely heard the screech of tires until she found herself almost face to face with Tyler's van as it skidded towards her. Frozen, she waited for the inevitable crunch that would likely kill her. A flurry of motion from her side caught her eye and suddenly she found herself on the ground with Carlisle hunched over her. As the van neared, he shot out a hand and stopped it, denting in the passenger door.
Vaguely aware of the screams around her calling out to ask if she was alright, her focus was on Carlisle and the almost feral look on his face as he stared at the offending van. When his face turned to her, it was gentle, caring, but also panicked. She was sure her own face was in a state of shock. Did he just stop a van from crushing her, and how had he gotten to her?
It took a moment for her brain to catch up, and when it did, all the pieces started to fall into place, and she found herself gaping at him. The cold skin, the strength, the speed, it all fit. "You're a…"
"Yes."
Things moved in a blur after that. Several teachers worked to move the van away so they could get out, just as the paramedics arrived on the scene. She and Tyler were taken to the hospital to be checked out, which made sense for Tyler as he had a gash on his forehead, however Bella felt it unnecessary for her to be checked out as she was fine. Unsurprisingly, they called Charlie, who insisted on her being checked over as he stood by worrying about her and glaring at Tyler. Once she was cleared by the doctor, Charlie grabbed her bag, and they started to make their way out of the hospital.
A flash of blonde caught her eye, and she paused. Down the hallway was Carlisle, just standing there waiting. Their eyes met and she could see and feel his concern for her. Not wanting to keep Charlie waiting, she decided to test one of the theories she'd read about, supposedly vampires had enhanced hearing.
"Can you hear me?" She spoke softly, and yet he nodded. "I'm alright…thank you."
He bowed his head, turned and disappeared down the hall. Through the bond, she could feel he was still anxious, not that she blamed him. Having just discovered that vampires were real, she was feeling a bit on edge herself. Charlie took her home and once he was sure she was alright, headed back to work. Bella paced the whole house trying to come to terms with this discovery. What was she supposed to feel, or do, or say?
Vampires were real.
Her two friends were vampires and the man she had fallen for was a vampire. Why didn't Edward tell her this? Granted she might not have believed it till she saw the proof, but still. Grabbing her phone, she called Edward, but he didn't answer. Over and over, she tried to call him but got no answer, so she tried Alice. Still nothing. Continuing to pace, she tried texting them both asking them to call her, but the minutes ticked by and nothing. Trying to distract herself, she worked on homework, though that only helped for a short while before she was back to pacing again.
Why wouldn't they answer her?
Did this mean they were going to kill her for discovering their secret or was it possible they would just vanish? She wished she had her truck, then she could go and confront them. Though that might be a mistake to walk willingly into a house of vampires. On the other hand, they'd had plenty of chances to kill her before and didn't, so maybe they weren't bad.
Groaning, she dropped onto the couch feeling alone and scared. Pulling her knees up to chest she wrapped her arms around her legs, taking slow breaths to try and keep herself calm. She thought of Carlisle's arms around her, holding her firmly against his cool body. Tears filled her eyes; would she ever get the chance to feel him hold her again.
My Bella.
Those words drifted through her mind. She'd been so happy to hear those words, she wanted to be his. Sniffling, she rubbed at her eyes as the tears flowed freely. "Carlisle…please…I need you." She mumbled.
The bond rippled, his frustration palpable though whether it was at her or not she wasn't sure. A part of her had hoped he'd been nearby and would come to comfort her, but it was silly. Feeling despondent, she laid on the couch until the tears dried up. It was nighttime by the time Charlie came home and together they went to retrieve her truck then hit the diner for dinner. She tried to eat, but her appetite was gone. Once back home, she headed to her room and after trying one more time to reach Edward and Alice she went to bed.
In her dreams, Carlisle was there, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead and whispering words of comfort to her.
Her alarm woke her in the morning, and she cursed it for taking away her dream. Sitting up, she rolled over to grab her phone and found a note on her nightstand next to the device. 'Come to the house, Carlisle.'
Her heart fluttered and she rushed around the room changing her clothes, then rushing to the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth. A small part of her brain knew she should be worried about how he'd left the note, but the rest of her was too preoccupied wanting to see him to care. Grabbing her bag for appearances, she practically ran out the door yelling a goodbye to a confused Charlie. Hopping into The Beast, she made her way to the Cullen house, feeling nervous. She should be scared to be heading into a house full of vampires but really, her biggest fear would be to lose Carlisle and subsequently Edward and Alice.
As she pulled up to the Cullen house, she could see Carlisle coming out to meet her, waiting for her on the stairs. Climbing out of The Beast, she hesitated at the front of the truck. Sensing her fear Carlisle gave her a faint smile.
"No one will hurt you. You're safe here." His voice reassuring as he held out a hand to her.
Cautiously she moved closer to him, taking his hand which he tucked into the crook of his arm and led her inside and to the living room. The house was silent, and it made her wonder where the others were. It was a little eerie being alone in such a large house like this, and almost wished the others were there too if only to fill the space so it didn't seem so immense. Carlisle led her to a couch then took a seat across the coffee table from her, clasping his hands together as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.
"I'm sure you have questions." His voice was gentle, almost soothing.
Nodding, she tried to organize her thoughts and decided to start with something simple. "You're really a vampire?"
He nodded. "Yes, as is everyone that lives here."
Swallowing, she forced herself to ask the question that had been on her mind since yesterday. She really didn't want to know the answer, but it seemed paramount that she asked it. "What do you eat?"
Without hesitation, he responded with a smile. "Animals, we hunt them here in the woods. Though our way of life is different than most of our kind."
"Is the mating bond real?" Another question she wasn't sure she wanted an answer to. What if the bond was just some vampire trick and wasn't real? Steeling herself, she waited for his reply.
"Yes, it's normally between two vampires, but it can happen between a vampire and human."
Licking her bottom lip nervously, she regarded him. Everything about him said he was being open with her, even through the bond she'd felt nothing but sincerity. So, she continued. "Are we bonded?"
His gaze dropped to his hands. "Yes and no. We…share a bond, but it's not complete."
"Then why do you keep pushing me away?" Her voice came out a little more desperate than she'd intended.
Carlisle grimaced, still staring at his hands. "You're young, you're my student, you're human, take your pick."
"Then why bother saving me? If it's just going to be a problem for you, if it's just a burden, why bother?" Tears stung her eyes.
"You're my mate, it's my job to protect you." He sighed, looking around before meeting her gaze. "A mate isn't something we can just walk away from. A vampire mates for life, and even though I'm trying to keep my distance so you can live your life, you're still my Bella. I will protect you till the end of time."
Wrapping her arms around her middle, she turned away from him. "You'll protect me, but you won't be with me? Am I…not pretty enough or something?"
Carlisle moved to sit on the coffee table in front of her, his cold hands coming to rest on her elbows, gently pulling her arms away from her, his hands sliding down her forearms to clasp her hands in his. "That's not it at all; I think your beautiful." He brought her hands up to his lips, kissing her fingers causing a zing of electricity through her body. "Bella, I want to be with you, but there's complications."
"Like?"
With an endearing smile, Carlisle shook his head. "Our age difference for one, people won't like seeing a teen with a 23-year-old."
"Edward's dating some one that's 26, so I don't see a problem there." She replied stubbornly.
"I'm 360." He retorted.
That made her pause for a moment before shrugging. "Looking good old man."
Carlisle barked out a laugh. "Fine, if that's not enough of a deterrent. Let's go with reason two, you're my student, it's against school rules."
"What's your excuse when the semester is over and I'm not your student anymore?"
He sighed, watching her with amusement. "You're going to be stubborn about this aren't you?" At her nod, he ran a hand over his face. "What about the fact that you're human? If we were together, it would put you at risk. We may be vegetarians, but some of my family haven't been away from human blood as long, a small cut could cause them to go into a frenzy."
"Then you'll protect me." She stated.
Running a hand through his hair, she almost giggled as several stray clumps of hair fell to frame his face. He really was handsome, even when he looked flustered. It made her wonder why he was trying so hard to fight against them having a relationship. Was it because she didn't measure up to him? He'd called her beautiful, but the more he resisted, the less she believed him. She could never be as good-looking as he was, she was just plain. Feeling inadequate, she slid back on the couch, pulling her hands away from his, once again wrapping them around her middle.
When she tried to lower her head, his fore finger and thumb gripped her chin and stopped her, tilting her head back up to look at him. "Please don't do that, Bella, your perfect."
She felt her cheeks redden as she pulled away from his grip. "I'm not perfect. If I was, you wouldn't be trying to avoid a relationship with me."
The backs of his fingers brushed against her cheek, moving to tuck some hair behind her ear. "I just want to make sure you've thought this through. I can't age with you; I can't give you children. Are you sure you're ok with that?"
She shivered as his fingers traced down her neck to her shoulder. Children weren't an issue, she hadn't really wanted any before, but what did bother her was the idea that she would grow old one day, that she'd have to leave him. "What if." She hesitated. "What if I became like you? Then I could have you forever."
"I would never ask that of you." Hearing the gruffness of his voice she turned back to him. His expression was serious, and his shoulders were tense. "I would never ask you to give up your life for me. To give up everything you have, just to stay by my side."
"And if I want it?"
He contemplated that for a moment. "Let's compromise. 5 years from your 18th birthday. Wait 5 years, we'll be the same apparent age, if you still want to be one of us, I'll change you. If not, that's fine, we'll still have the rest of your life together."
Tempering her excitement, she gave a slow nod of agreement. "On one condition, we start our relationship now and not when I'm 18. I don't care if we need to keep it a secret, I want to be with you."
Again, he took a moment to debate it internally. She could feel his emotions warring with each other as he contemplated his response. Eventually, the storm subsided, and he nodded. "Ok."