And love
Chapter 77 Damned introspection
In chapter 76 I started a Cassie arc. Before we get further into that, I need to address the issue of Jamie striking Eddie (for which I received some HEAT, deservedly so).
At my request (begging) skyross19 submitted a chapter for my story. S/he chose that topic. This chapter 77 is that submission, with an expanded intro and minor edits.
Chapter 78 will start as a duplicate. But then either Jamie or Eddie will behave differently; thus, affecting in a positive way (IMO) the story; not just the chapter.. This in no way denigrates my friend and fellow author's contribution; MANY THANKS!
Jamie taking all the blame for most everything is a common theme in Jamko stories. I buy that. But I believe that the cure is a loving, understanding and supportive wife. He has that, now. So, she must play her part; with unswerving diligence. If she does, he will come around. Now to:
From skyross19, with a few edits and additions.
THE NEXT MONDAY
Cassie skips downstairs, ready for school. Jamie steps out of the home office and stops suddenly in his tracks.
"Cassandra Reagan, turn around and go back upstairs. Put on a decent skirt. Did we not just have a talk-
"Jamie, there is nothing wrong with what Cassie is wearing." Eddie defends her daughter.
"I can almost see-
"Well, sure dad! Get on your hands and knees and you can see the color of my panties!" (Eddie's defense has emboldened her)
Red faced, "Are you kidding me?" Jamie tosses back in exasperated disbelief; as he raises his arm to simply wave it in the air trying to make his point "That skirt is WAY too short!" He snorts.
But as Jamie raises his arm, Eddie finds herself on instinct flinching as if she expected his arm to hit her and in an instant everything changes. The argument about a skirt is forgotten, and Jamie stands there stunned by his wife's reaction.
"Did . . . did you just think I was going to . . . to hit you?" he somehow manages to croak out – he is truly afraid of the answer; but he has to know.
Eddie however quickly tries to cover and compose herself, "Of course not." She quickly tries to reassure him, and maybe herself?
"Eddie." Jamie tepidly begins "You flinched."
"It was nothing." Eddie dismissively promises "I know you would not intentionally hurt me."
"Do you?" Jamie begins to seriously wonder "Because from where I stand, your actions say otherwise."
"Jamie, it was nothing." Eddie soothingly reiterates "I promise."
Listening to his wife, a damning realization hits Jamie. "And that is exactly what a victim of domestic abuse would say." He realizes as he locks his hands together and places them on the back of his neck in the ultimate sign of defeat and regret "Oh god Eddie, you're actually afraid of me!"
"Jamie I'm not!" Eddie promises. She's getting very anxious.
"Oh no you are." Jamie insists "And that's my fault. I broke that trust between us. This is on me. 100% on me and I promise you Eddie..." He pleads as he takes a step towards his wife in an attempt to reassure her; but Eddie, again on instinct, counter steps back away from him, causing Jamie to immediately freeze and just stare at her in shock.
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Realizing what she just did, Eddie's eyes go wide in both confusion and then regret before she immediately takes a step back towards her husband. "I don't know why I did that." She reaches out to make contact with her husband as a way to prove she is not afraid of him, but this time Jamie takes a step back out of her reach.
"No, you are." Jamie reiterates in defeat "And I don't blame you."
"Jamie come on." Eddie pleads.
"NO!" Jamie insists "If we are going to get through this, I need you to be 100% honest with me here Eddie. Right here. Right now. Are you afraid of me?" His stare turns hard – she doesn't like it.
For a good long moment husband and wife just stare at one another. Jamie waiting for Eddie to speak and Eddie trying to figure out what to say.
"Come on Eddie." Jamiepleads. "Lying to me and worse lying to yourself right now isn't going to help us. Are you, at least on some level, afraid of me?"
For another moment, Eddie just stares at her husband but then she steps around him and stops; she heavily sighs and runs a hand through her hair in frustration.
"How did we even get here?" She grumbles out in avoidance because truthfully, she knew the answer. She just didn't want to say it out loud.
"So that's a yes." Jamie deduces as he turns to face his wife only to see her facing away from him. "Great. Just great. My wife is afraid of me."
With Jamie behind her, the expression on Eddie's face turns to one of annoyance. She really wished he would stop saying that – there were extenuating circumstances for what happened. She knew that. Jamie knew that. She was being a loving, forgiving, 'stand by your man in sickness and in health, through the good times and the bad times wife', right?
Right?
They had already put everything to bed – hadn't they? That's what she thought, but now . . . but now the problem with that was deep down inside her; she was starting to realize there may in fact be a teeny tiny little voice agreeing with what he was saying.
"Eddie." Jamie continues "Come on, look at me." He pleads as he begins to reach out to touch her arm in an attempt to turn her around to face him; but at the last-minute pauses in a gob smacked realization – if his wife was on some level indeed afraid of him, he had no right to touch her without asking permission first. So, gulping down the disgust he now feels for himself, Jamie somehow manages to pose the question "Eddie, I'm going to touch your arm now. Is that okay?"
And it's in that blindsided moment where Eddie realizes exactly how far they had unintentionally fallen; for her husband was actually asking for her permission to simply touch her arm?
What. The. Hell?
How did they get here? How did they get to such a deep, dark, and very foreign place?
So she turns to face him and there Eddie sees nothing but sadness and regret in her husband's eyes. Jamie was NOT a domestic abuser. She now knew that more than ever because domestic abusers DO NOT ask permission.
And she was no victim either, but yet if they were to get through this, Jamie was right, she needed to be honest with herself and him.
"Yes." Eddie replies "I flinched." She acknowledges, bracing herself for the impact her words would have.
Overcome with sadness and regret, Jamie's eyes begin to fill with tears so he hangs his head and simply just nods his head in acceptance.
"But I know that's not who you are." Eddie quickly adds. "I know you aren't a domestic abuser."
Jamie scoffs a little "You sure about that? Because right now I'm not. I hit you, Eddie. Twice."
"Well technically the first time you just accidentally knocked me on my ass as you rushed by and..."
"Don't make excuses for me." Jamie interrupts.
"See, that right there is the point I'm trying to make." Eddie continues "You are taking responsibility for your actions; and frankly I don't know of any precedent where a domestic abuser asks permission before touching, or striking. So that right there rules you out from being one."
Unable to help it, the hints of a super small smirk appear on Jamie's face "Is that your legal opinion?" he challenges.
"If I say yes, can we just put this behind us and move on?" Eddie hopefully inquires.
The smirk immediately disappears off of Jamie's face and he sighs in defeat "I wish we could Eddie, I really do but I don't think it's going to be that simple."
"Why not?"
"Because what happens the next time we get into an argument?" Jamie challenges "Can you honestly tell me right now if I wave my arms around…" he narrates as he purposefully and quickly raises his arms only to see Eddie once again involuntarily flinch, and the second she does a frustrated "DAMN IT!" escapes her mouth to which Jamie concludes "That's why!"
Eddie let's out a frustrated breath "So what do we do?" She presses "Go to therapy?"
Jamie shrugs "Maybe? I don't know but we've got to do something."
Silently and a bit reluctantly, Eddie nods her head in agreement but then somewhere in the silence Eddie finds the courage to continue on "You want honesty?" She asks.
Jamie lifts his head to looks at his wife and nods "Yes."
"It can NEVER happen again Jamie." Eddie seriously states "Ever. No matter how bad a day or a case is. Ever. Because it's not just me Jamie, it's the example we set for the girls and the boys and especially with Cassie's history and…"
"Agreed." Jamie immediately interrupts "Never." He promises "And I'm sorry Eddie. I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me and know that I love you and… damn it." He then curses in more frustrated realization.
"What?" Eddie prompts in confusion.
Feeling ashamed, Jamie is unable to meet his wife's eye so he instead lifts his head to look up towards the sky as if possibly looking for some kind of divine guidance "That is what a domestic abuser would say."
"Hey." Eddie seriously prompts as she steps towards her husband "You're not."
"Is it okay if I hug you now?" Jamie inquires.
Knowing her husband is not done beating himself up over everything yet, a feeling of sadness washes over Eddie so she opens her arms up to him "More than okay."
Giving a slight nod of his head in appreciation, Jamie steps into Eddie's arms.
"I love you." He sincerely states.
"I love you too!"
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A different version will be in Chapter 78. I'm trying to decide where is the point where Eddie pumps the brakes and stops the downward slide. I'm counting on you to tell me how I did.
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TBC