Chapter 33
Failure
When he saw his son, burrowed in Kakashi-kun's arms and sobbing not quite hysterically, Kakashi was nearly sick with relief.
Tsunade was crouched beside the boys who were huddled together in the corner of the cell. She had glowing hands wrapped around one of Tenzō's arms, holding it carefully away from his body. Kakashi-kun looked like he was doing his best to comfort him as she did whatever she was doing.
"Give me a minute, please, Karasu-san." She glanced back at him over her shoulder. "His arm is broken and I need him to stay still."
His arm is broken?
Anger, shame… Kakashi suddenly felt that he would rather die himself than let his son suffer. His arm is broken. What else had they done to him?
You failed him.
Tenzō screamed, Kakashi-kun soothed, and Tsunade worked quickly. "It's okay, little guy. I'm sorry, I know that hurt. But there, see? All better. And look, Daddy's here!"
Big, brown, tear-filled eyes peeked up from Kakashi-kun's chest and he let out a pathetic, wavering: "Daddy?"
He flickered across the room, Sakumo half a step behind him.
"Dad!"
"Daddy!"
"Jii-san!"
Kakashi scooped up his son, reaching over to pat Kakashi-kun's head too before Sakumo pulled him into his arms. "Yes, Daddy's here, I've got you, Tenzō-chan, I've got you."
"Daddy! Daddy back! My Daddy."
As Tenzō clung to him, his little body shaking with sobs, Kakashi took stock of each bruise and scratch. If he felt any lingering guilt for indiscriminately annihilating every member of ROOT, it evaporated in the face of his son's hurts.
"Where Mama, Daddy? Me want Mama and Kusa and go home!"
Kissing the top of his head, holding him close, Kakashi glanced at Tsunade. "I don't know where Mama and Kusa are yet, buddy. We're going to find them."
Tsunade was watching Sakumo and their son, a mix of relief and longing on her face. When she felt Kakashi's eyes on her, she looked at him. "She wasn't down here. The boys were in separate cells, but they were right next to each other. Senbei took off to find her when I got here." She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Karasu-san, they… I'm sorry I wasn't—"
Uncomfortable emotions he was nowhere near able to deal with made him cringe away. "Don't, please. Not now."
Her hand jerked away from her face to gape at him, after a moment, she nodded. "Let's find your wife."
As they all filed out of the cell and into the dimly lit hall, Kakashi-kun reached over to pull on his sleeve. "Jii-san, we have to find Me-chan! I didn't see what happened to her, but… but…" Tears choked his voice. "We have to find her, she needs Tsunade-san, Jii-san."
Something in the back of his head was screaming and panicked but he didn't understand, so he suppressed it. "I know, Kakashi-kun, we'll find her."
Katsuyu poked her head out from Tsunade's collar again as Kakashi took a deep inhale, trying to find Sakura's scent. "She is below us, Karasu-san. More than one floor."
His eyes searched for the nearest possible stairwell when Taga burst through a door at the end of the hall. "We found her, Karasu."
Something in his voice gave Kakashi pause, but he ignored it. Raiu and Mebae ran up as they started to follow Taga and they fell into step with them.
"We captured two, they're unconscious and bound, left with five ninken. And we found your missing ninken and released them back to their realm."
Hardly able to think about anything other than Sakura in that moment, Kakashi nodded absently and made a mental note to ask about it later.
They're going to be fine. Sakura… I need to find her.
Mate.
She needs me.
They slid to a stop in front of another cell door. He had never been in this part of the compound. It smelled foul. Like copper and sick, like misery and death. They were keeping his mate here.
You cut Danzo's head from his body.
Tsunade shouldered open the door. The scent of blood nearly knocked him over.
"Sakura…"
Kakashi passed Tenzō to Tsunade and entered her cell.
Sakura was shackled to the wall, her hands over her head, which hung limply against her left arm. He knelt in front of her, their son's cries fading as his heart hammered in his ears. Blood trickled from chapped, parted lips, and her face was pale and wan.
What did they do to you?
As though she were made of glass, he brushed his fingers along her cheek and down her neck. Her skin was hot and clammy, feverish, but he choked back a sob when he felt her weak pulse. "Sakura—"
She's alive.
Relief flooded through him. She was alive.
He looked over the rest of her as he reached up to unlock the shackles around her wrists, freezing when he noticed the tangle of her legs. Blood coated what he could see of her thighs, darkened her torn skirt and pooled beneath her.
No. What did they do to you?
He knew the kinds of things ROOT did to their prisoners, their own members.
You killed them all. They can't hurt her anymore.
Reaching down to brush hesitant, trembling fingers against her thigh, some of it flaked off her skin, clearly days old. Skimming his hand further up, he jerked it away as he was met with the warm, tacky sensation of fresh blood. The coppery tang burned the inside of his nose.
"What's wrong, Karasu? Is she bleeding?"
"Mama!"
His breath came out jagged and painful as he refocused on freeing her. "Yes."
"Let me see—"
"MAMA!"
"Oh, oh no…" Kakashi-kun slid out of Sakumo's arms and pushed past Tsunade, falling to his knees beside Kakashi as he undid the shackles. "Jii-san—" He placed a small, glowing green hand over her stomach. "Oh no, Jii-san—"
"What? What's wrong, kid?" His sudden fat tears and heartbroken sobs made Kakashi feel like his skin was on fire. What was wrong!?
"Me-chan was pregnant, Jii-san."
What?
"She showed me how to feel them—their chakra, their… their heartbeat. But… But… they're gone Jii-san! I can't find them anymore."
What… that…
His lungs ached and he looked down at his mate. She looked dead in his arms.
Pregnant.
Was.
That panicked, wild, desperate thing he hadn't understood, burned through him now, making him want to scream, to roar with fury and a new, devastating agony. But somehow, his body felt frozen, unable to do any of those things, to do anything but stare down at her pale, limp body.
"Fuck—here Sakumo, take him. Move over kid, let me—"
Tenzō was sobbing hysterically, but it sounded far away.
Tsunade knelt beside them, gently urging Kakashi-kun's hands out of the way, but he threw himself over Sakura, snarling back at Tsunade over his shoulder. "No! Don't touch her!"
Swallowing, nearly choking, Kakashi forced himself to move, putting a hand on Kakashi-kun's back, trying to pry him away.
Why is he acting like this?
She's pregnant. He's trying to protect her.
Was.
That was your job.
Was—
"Hey, it's… she isn't going to hurt her, kid." His voice tore at his throat.
Scrubbing his face on his sleeve, Kakashi-kun reluctantly moved, still hovering close as he watched Tsunade place her own hands where his had been. Kakashi could feel the cold jaws of despair surrounding him again. Not yet.
"Fuck. He's right. She's lost it, but she doesn't seem to have passed anything but… but blood. There's so much… and infection…" She swore. "Sepsis."
"Sepsis?"
Tsunade swore again, furious, her face as hard and terrified as he'd ever seen her.
Blood.
The reason she had left Konoha.
Hemophobia. Can she handle this?
"I need to get her to the hospital, now, or you're going to lose her too."
Something clicked into place in his head. The panic and self-loathing evaporated, leaving clear single-minded focus in their place. "Go. We'll be right behind you." He shifted his unconscious wife into Tsunade's arms, trusting her.
Her eyes searched his—evidently shaken by his faith in her—but she nodded once and gathered Sakura close, flying from the cell.
"Mama!"
"Me-chan!"
He stood, taking a nearly frantic Tenzō from Sakumo. "It's alright, Tenzō-chan." Holding him tight, he rubbed his back as he strode from the cell too. "Mama's going to be okay. You're safe now, and Mama's safe. Daddy's home, and I'm not leaving you again, okay?"
Raiu fell into step beside him. "Mebae went with the Sannin. Is your mate going to be alright?"
He ignored the question. "Go with Sakumo to see the Hokage. It won't be long before this place is swarming with his ANBU, and he's going to be furious."
He nodded. "I'll have his back, Karasu-sama."
Kakashi craned his neck to find his younger self, still crying, trying to keep up with him. "Kakashi-kun."
Rubbing at his eyes again, looking like the adrenaline was starting to wear off, he answered, "Yes, Jii-san?"
"Stay with your dad—"
"But—"
"We need you to tell the Hokage what happened. Me-chan is going to be fine."
His face screwed up but he nodded, not resisting when Sakumo picked him up. "We'll handle Hiruzen, Karasu. You look after your wife."
The hospital was quiet in the middle of the night. An elderly woman wearing a doctor's coat and a haggard expression was waiting near the entrance and waved him over. "You look like a Hatake, Ayame's husband?" He nodded. "This way. She's in surgery with Tsunade."
"What can you tell me?"
She sighed and it sounded heavy, exhausted. This woman was clearly unused to being awake at this late—early—hour. "Not much, unfortunately. It's not been long enough to say how it will go. She regained consciousness for a moment when Tsunade brought her in. She was confused and frightened… She asked for you." Her face twisted with regret. "I'm so glad you found them. Hiruzen told us she was dead, the bastard. When she told me she was pregnant, she asked me not to file any paperwork until after you were home. She seemed afraid of him. I couldn't believe that she had any real reason to be. It seems I had misjudged him." They stopped in the middle of a hall between a set of double doors and a bench. "You can bet if Danzō is responsible for this, Hiruzen was well aware." She sighed again, her critical eyes looking over Tenzō.
He caught sight of the tag on her coat. Asamida Ryoshi.
Sakura's boss.
"You can wait here or down the hall in the waiting room." She pursed her lips and gave him a sorrowful expression. Pity. "I'm sorry for your loss, Hatake-san. The baby... Ayame seemed so happy, poor girl." She sniffled and wiped at her eyes as she left them there, disappearing through the double doors.
Sakura was happy.
Was.
Of course she had been. In her last letter, she assured him that, yes, she wanted his pups. Five, she had said. He hadn't been sure if she was serious—she had drawn a silly little face at the end of the sentence—but she had seemed relieved that they were on the same page.
He could feel the hasty wall he'd thrown up around his emotions begin to crumble.
Why hadn't she told him?
Tenzō groaned and whimpered, rubbing his face on his shirt. "Daddy… where my Mamma at? Where my Kusa? I want to go home."
He's talking so much.
He sighed, pressing his face into his messy brown hair. He smelled wrong, like fear and blood and antiseptic. "Mama's here. She's hurt, so they're making her better."
"Kusa? I want my Kusa."
Another sigh as he sat them down on the bench. Kusa and Shiba were probably both wounded. They would be cared for in their realm. If it was too much for them to handle, they'd let him know. "He went home for a few days. He was hurt too."
Tenzō growled angrily. "Daddy no leave no more! My Daddy." He reared back, smacking his head against Kakashi's chest.
"Ouch." Kakashi hugged him closer. "Hey, it's okay Tenzō-chan."
"I want Mama!" More unintelligible grumbling and whining followed as he rubbed his face in his shirt, but Kakashi thought he got the message. It was his fault. Everything was his fault. Not directly, but would Danzō have even dared if he had been there?
Why hadn't she told him she was pregnant?
She had been pregnant.
Was that why he'd felt so crazy when he'd left her?
He kissed Tenzō's head, rubbing his face back and forth in his hair. He smells wrong. He should smell like me.
"Daddy." His little voice trembled as he clung to his shirt.
Your fault. Your fault.
Was—
What had they done to his son? They'd had him for five days. What had Tsunade had to heal before the broken arm? He was finally starting to get over his nightmares, now they would surely start all over again.
Was… was pregnant.
Fuck.
His eyes stung. He blinked hard.
They had had another pup.
Kakashi-kun knew. She had shown him how to feel them, they'd bonded. Kakashi-kun was so protective of her he'd looked ready to take Tsunade's hand off for touching her.
'Little Boss fought too, to protect Ma and the pup…'
Kakashi had thought Pakkun was talking about Tenzō. Was it possible that the ninken knew? How did they know and he didn't?
Why didn't she tell him?
What would it have changed?
Nothing.
He wouldn't have been able to come home any sooner. This still would have happened. They still would have been attacked, kidnapped, hurt. They still would have lost the…
"Boss!"
Senbei poofed into existence in front of him, jarring him from his thoughts. "Senbei?"
He stepped closer, nosing Tenzō, reaching up to lick his face. "Kusa was worried about you, pup."
"Kusa? Where my Kusa?"
Senbei snuffled, but let him pet him. "He's getting all fixed up. He'll be home soon." His tail drooped between his legs as he looked up at Kakashi. "How's Ma?
Kakashi swallowed thickly. "She's in surgery. I don't… I don't know, yet." Senbei whined, flattening his ears against his head. "Did you know she was pregnant, Senbei?"
He licked Tenzō again, avoiding looking at him. "Yes. Kusa said we weren't allowed to tell you."
What? "Why not?"
"I guess Ma didn't know either until Kusa said something about Little Boss being so overprotective. She forbade us from telling you because she didn't want you to find out on accident like that." He shook out his fur. "She wanted to tell you in person when you came home."
Oh. That made sense. She must have been eagerly waiting for his return in two weeks to tell him.
"She was happy."
His tail started to wag. "Are you happy about the pup, Boss?"
"I…" his voice cracked. "No. I mean.. I don't… Ma was hurt, Senbei. The… pup, they didn't…" He sighed, brushing the back of his hand across his eyes. "They didn't survive, Senbei."
Tail drooping again, Senbei let out a long, mournful wine and rested his head on Kakashi's knee. "Oh. I'm sorry, Boss."
"Yeah. Me too."
They sat like that for a while in the long quiet hall until Tenzō fell asleep. He needed a bath, fresh clothes, probably a nurse. I need a bath. He had a clean shirt, but there was still dry blood almost everywhere. "Senbei?"
"Yes, Boss?"
He cleared his throat. "I need you to go home, get something clean for Tenzō to wear. Then go to the Haruno's and wake Ume. Ask her to come back with you, if she can. I think I'll need help with him when Ma is out of surgery."
"Okay, Boss." He leapt to his feet and dashed down the hall, leaving them alone.
How long did this kind of surgery take? Was it dangerous? Could he really lose her too? The minutes seemed to stretch on and on. Was everything going okay? What did it mean that no one had come out with any update? He strained to listen for any sound past the double doors, but even his ears heard nothing.
She's going to live. Tsunade won't let her die, too.
He thought about the last time he'd seen her, their last night together. Her fingers in his hair, how beautiful she'd looked beneath him. Kakashi had let himself love her, so much he loved her. If she didn't survive this, if he lost her too…
"Karasu!"
His head jerked up in time to see Ume running down the hall towards him, Senbei trotting along beside her. "Ume-san."
She stopped in front of them, sinking to her knees. One hand covered her mouth, the other reached for Tenzō, clutching at his shirt. "Oh, oh my heart…" She sobbed, her face awash with relief. "They told us they were dead. The Hokage said they'd been killed, murdered by Iwa. Kakashi-kun? Is he alive as well?"
"He's with Sakumo right now, speaking to the Hokage."
She nodded, dashing at tears, her eyes widening as she got a better look at the dry blood nearly everywhere. "What happened? Are you okay?"
He nodded, waving away her concern for him. "None of it is mine." Amending quickly, "or his."
A groan of relief left her and she sagged. "Was it really Iwa? Where did you find them? I don't understand."
Kakashi sighed, his breath stirring Tenzō's hair. Not knowing what the fallout would be, he decided not to share the whole story. "It wasn't Iwa. We don't know everything yet, but they were here, in Konoha."
Ume hissed through her teeth, her face twisting with anger and then sorrow. "Oh, my poor Ayame. I'm so sorry they weren't safe here." She sniffled and wiped her face. "Senbei told me what happened." She looked up and met his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Karasu-san. I'm sure this must be difficult for you, to know what to feel for a baby you didn't even know existed." Tentatively, Ume rested a hand on his knee. "But, she's going to be so heartbroken, dear. She was so happy, she couldn't wait until you came home so she could tell you."
Kakashi felt his heart crack a little more.
I should have stayed with her. I should have been here.
"She's going to need your support, dear." Ume sniffled again. "Even if it's just to hold her while she cries. Let Sakumo deal with everything else. You just focus on your family and don't let this come between you. It isn't an easy thing to get over; she probably never will, not really."
Kakashi didn't know what to say.
But he did understand about pain that never really went away.
If Sakura didn't survive, it would be yet another endless pain for him.
a/n As I did not want anything that's not Sakura or Kakashi's POV in this, as I have mentioned before there are other scenes from Sakumo's pov on my A03, Dreams of the Past, extra drabbles. I posted one today that is the confrontation with Hiruzen. Here is the link! I have it open to users and non registered users alike.
/works/59830591/chapters/158122063