Chapter 34

Heartbreaking Reunions

What felt like hours later, the double doors finally opened. Kakashi sat up from where he'd been resting, slumped and half asleep against Ume's shoulder, a still sleeping Tenzō in his arms.

Tsunade looked exhausted.

"Tsunade. How is she?"

She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "We're lucky we found her when we did, Karasu. She wouldn't have lasted much longer."

Ume laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "So it went well? She's okay?"

Tsunade dropped her hand, shifting her weight and blowing hair from her face. "She's alive. I doubt she'll be 'okay' for a while, though."

The hand on his shoulder tightened as Ume interjected. "Will she be able to carry future pregnancies?"

Not having considered that possible consequence, Kakashi looked between them, new anxiety clawing at his lungs as he waited for an answer. When Tsunade frowned at her as if the question were rude, Ume added: "I know she might not care just yet, but… she will."

Tsunade's shoulders sagged and she rubbed the back of her neck. "You're right, and if she was anyone else, my answer would be: probably not." Ume whimpered. "But I was able to wake her up after the first part of the surgery to activate her Byakugou. It healed everything so, physically, she is good as new. Future pregnancies shouldn't be a problem for her, as far as I can tell."

Letting out a relieved sigh, Ume gently patted Kakashi's shoulder. "Thank goodness for small mercies, my poor girl."

"Yes, well, she'll be awake and asking for you soon, Karasu. You need to shower before you see her, and then I think it might be best if you go in by yourself, first." She nodded at a sleeping Tenzō and Ume cleared her throat before holding out her hands.

"Here, I'll stay with him, dear."

Having only just gotten him back, Kakashi did not want to leave him again, but Sakura needed him more.

Mine.

Keep him safe.

His arms tightened around him and his conflicting emotions must have been plain on his face despite the mask. Ume put her hand on Tenzō's back. "It's alright, we'll be safe here, and you're just down the hall if we need you."

You're being ridiculous, he'll be fine. Tsunade won't let anything happen to them.

Sakura's at least as strong as Tsunade.

Danzō's dead.

"Of course. Right. Here." Gingerly, so as not to wake him, Kakashi placed Tenzō in her arms. He immediately seemed to make himself comfortable, snuggling close and grabbing her braid.

He'll be fine.

"We'll be okay, go and see to your wife, dear."

Nodding, Kakashi tore his eyes away from his son and followed Tsunade back through the doors.

He felt numb.

"Who was that with you? I'm guessing by the hair she's related to Sakura?"

Blinking, he looked down at Tsunade. "Her grandmother. She believes Ayame is her niece, though she treats her more like a daughter."

"Hm."

She bit her lip, and Kakashi got the impression she had more to say, but now wasn't the time. He still didn't have the energy to handle whatever she might want to say to him and thankfully, she seemed to realize it.

She dropped him at the staff showers first. "There are clean scrubs. I'll make sure someone gets you something from home in the morning. I'm going to check to see how her anesthesia is wearing off and I'll be back to get you."

He showered mechanically, efficiently, scrubbing the blood from his hair and skin, picking it out from beneath his nails. I don't want to upset her. I don't want to remind her…

The gray scrubs made him look washed out and dead. He cringed at his reflection in the washroom mirror and rinsed out his undershirt in the sink. A borrowed jutsu had it dry and back on just as Tsunade knocked on the door.

She gave him a once over, nodding approvingly, and led him back down the hall. "I'll get your son and her grandmother in another room. When he wakes up, we'll get him cleaned up and I'll do a more thorough examination."

"Thank you."

Mebae was standing outside of a door, looking through the small window and chewing anxiously on her thumb. When she heard them coming, she shrugged with relief.

"Karasu-sama."

He sighed. "Mebae…"

"Do you want me to stay here?"

"No. My son is with her aunt. I would appreciate it if you stayed with them for now."

"Of course." She inclined her head to both of them politely and retreated down the hall the way they had come. On another day, when he might have the energy to care, he would be annoyed by the deference she and her brother were showing him.

Today, his attention was riveted on the bed he could see through the door.

"She's going to be okay, Kakashi." Tsunade placed a tentative hand on his back. "You aren't responsible for what happened to them, and neither is she. Your family was betrayed by the village, they should have been safe here. I…" Kakashi watched her, wide eyed, unsure what to feel as she stared at the floor. After a moment she sighed. "You will be safe here."

Then she stepped aside and gestured at the door. "Buzz for a nurse if she needs anything. I'll be here too, of course, if you need me."

He nodded, but didn't watch her go, her heels clacking away down the hall ringing in his ears.

Kakashi pressed his forehead against the hard edge of the door frame, took a tight, painful breath and slid the door open. He took a hesitant step inside.

She looked somehow frail amid the sea of white sheets and tangle of IV's and monitors. Knowing she was anything but made it hurt all the more.

Fuck.

He hastily dashed the back of his hand across his eyes.

Sakura, his Sakura. They had been teammates, fellow shinobi, friends, and then he'd fallen in love with her. She was his wife, his mate, his most precious person, they had a family.

Now they shared something else.

A baby, a dead baby. A baby they hadn't planned, but that she was happy to have, that he would have been happy to have. A baby that probably would have lived, and thrived, and been born with his hair and her eyes… if only he had been there.

No.

'You're not responsible…'

Was that true?

Would Sakura be able to forgive him if it wasn't?

Gods, I hope so.

He scrubbed his eyes again and slumped into the chair beside her bed.

Tsunade was right; physically, she looked fine. Her skin was a healthier color and her eyes no longer looked so sunken and dead. The Byakugou really was a wonder. Her small, calloused hand was warm in his, her pulse beating rapidly against his fingertips.

She's alive.

Thank the gods she's alive.

He would have been able to go on without her—for their son, for his father and the kid—but it would have been a desolate, dark, colorless existence. He would have mourned her every day for the rest of his life until he fell blissfully into death to find her again.

Someday. Someday he would lose her—or more likely, she him—but not today. Today, she was alive.

He brushed his bare lips along her knuckles, letting his eyes fall closed as he breathed her in.

"Kakashi?"

His head snapped up to find her watching him. For one, devastating, heartbreaking moment, her green eyes widened, her whole face lit with joy, with excitement.

No.

Then she reached for him with her other hand and the IV tugged at her. She frowned, glancing down at it, around the room, and then back at him.

"Oh." The light in her eyes faded. "Oh, oh no." Her whole face crumpled as she reached for him again. "Kakashi… where are the boys? Where is Tenzō-chan?"

Leaning closer, Kakashi took both of her hands, kissing the back of them. "They're both safe, Sakura. Tenzō is with your grandmother and Tsunade."

She gasped out a short sob, rolling onto her side to face him, tears running across the bridge of her nose and down onto her pillow. "Oh, Kakashi, oh, Kakashi I'm so sorry—"

"No, Sakura, sweetheart, don't—"

She pulled weakly on his hands. "Hold me, Kakashi, please?"

Kicking off his borrowed hospital slippers, he adjusted the various monitors and her IV and got into bed beside her, pulling her into his arms.

She clung to him, burying her face in his chest as she sobbed, shattering apart as he held her. As his wife wept, for the second time that day, Kakashi felt the impotent desire to take all of her pain onto himself.

"I'm so… I'm so sorry, Kakashi."

He brushed his lips across her temple. "Sakura—"

"The boys, I couldn't protect them—"

"Don't—"

"I thought they were dead." Her sobs were building towards hysterical, her whole body shaking with the force of them as she fought to get the words out. "Kakashi… Kakashi I was… I was pregnant, Kakashi. We had a baby… oh, Kakashi… We had a baby…"

As her words failed her, completely overcome, all he could do was hold her tighter. "I know, sweetheart, I know."

In between painful sounding sobs, she tried to apologize again. "I'm so… sorry…"

It was that third, utterly unnecessary apology that broke him. Kissing her forehead, Kakashi hid his own tears in her hair. Fuck, he had missed her so gods damned much, and he'd nearly lost her. He'd nearly lost her, nearly lost their son. They had lost a baby, and fuck, it hurt so much.

"Don't apologize to me, Sakura, gods, please don't apologize. It's not… it's not your fault."

She cried and cried and cried, and he held her as he cried too. He wished more than anything that he had been there, that he could have protected her, protected them.

Eventually, Sakura ran out of tears. Again. This time, at least, she knew her son was safe, and she was in Kakashi's arms. I'm safe, too.

They lay together in painful silence on the narrow, uncomfortable hospital bed. She knew he was awake. She could tell by his breathing.

Her throat hurt. "Kakashi?"

His lips brushed against her forehead. "Hm?"

"I…" She sighed. She wanted to explain, but it hurt so much. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

His breath was warm and tickled her skin. "Please stop apologizing to me, Sakura." His arms tightened around her. "I understand why you didn't, and it… it wouldn't have changed anything."

She knew that, but for some reason hearing him confirm it made her feel a little less guilty. "I know."

"Sakura I… I'm sorry I wasn't here. I wish we could have made different choices, I wish I could have been here when you needed me."

Kakashi sounded as heartbroken as she felt. It hurt to hear. It was somehow consoling. "Stop it, please. If I don't get to apologize, then neither do you. We didn't… we didn't plan to get pregnant. We planned to fight this war, to end it early, to make sure our children would have a better future." Sniffling, she wiped her tears on his soaked shirt.

Scrubs. Why is he wearing scrubs?

"I guess I was always meant to lose something precious to this war."

Her heart squeezed. "Oh, Kakashi… I'm so—"

"No. Stop, please."

She sniffed, nodding and relaxing against him. "You promise the boys are okay?"

He nuzzled into her hair. "Besides the nightmares they're no doubt going to have? They're okay. Kakashi-kun, he was… so protective of you. He nearly took Tsunade's hand off when she tried to touch you after we found you. He… he was so devastated, Sakura."

Oh, my sweet Kakashi-kun. "That's how I found out I was pregnant, actually. We were in the market a couple of weeks after you left, and he judged that Cherry-guy got too close. He kind of freaked out."

There was a rumble deep in Kakashi's chest, his arms tightening around her. "Hm. Cherry-guy."

She might have laughed if she'd been able. "When we got home, Kusa said his behavior was normal for a Hatake, especially since you were gone, but that my being pregnant was probably making it worse."

He huffed. "It probably was."

One of his hands cupped the back of her head, stroking her hair. It was soothing. "What happened, Kakashi? It was ROOT, wasn't it? I didn't imagine it?"

His hand paused in her hair and he tensed. "Yes. You should have been safe here, Sakura."

ROOT. Danzō. They'd been attacked by Konoha itself. Are we safe now? Suddenly afraid, she gripped his shirt tighter. "Are we safe here, now? What about Danzō?"

Kakashi's voice was tightly controlled fury. "He's dead, Sakura. Every member of ROOT is dead, and I tore his head from his body myself."

A breath of relief escaped her. "And the Hokage? When I…. I don't really remember much, but when I first woke up in my cell, Danzō was there with one of his people. He said…" She struggled to remember. "He said the Hokage would be upset that I'd… that I'd lost the baby."

If Kakashi had been angry at the mention of Danzō, he was furious now. His arms were steel bands around her and his snarling growl was terrifying. She had never felt so safe. "You didn't lose anything, Sakura. This wasn't your fault. It was Hiruzen. He wanted Kakashi, he wanted our son, and he wanted our baby, because Hatakes are too difficult to control when they're raised as a pack."

"What?"

"Oh, Danzō was talkative before he died. He said that my father being the sole survivor of the last war was a good thing. But he was still too disloyal, still cared too much about family, about his teammates. But me, I was exactly what they wanted. All the talent and genius of my clan, but young and vulnerable, easy to break apart and reshape as the perfect, loyal dog. They…"

His voice broke and she burrowed closer, aghast at what he was saying. Cruel bastards.

"It was all on purpose, Sakura. I wouldn't be surprised if Hiruzen ordered Tsunade to stay away from me. And that bastard thought he could have our pups? After everything they've done to me, they tried to take my family, they hurt you, they hurt our son, they… our baby… they…" He pressed his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent, trying to calm down. "I killed Danzō, Sakura. I'm sorry I wasn't here, I'm sorry this happened." Cupping her face, he brought his forehead to hers.

"I'm… maybe not okay, but I'm alive, and you're here now. There's no one I'd rather rely on than you, Kakashi."

She tried to smile. He saw that she couldn't and groaned softly, capturing her lips in an achingly tender kiss. "I love you, Sakura."

"I love you, too." She kissed him back, soft, chaste. "Do you think Tenzō-chan is awake? I want to hold my son, Kakashi."

"I don't know, but he wants to see you too." He leaned back and formed familiar hand signs. A clone appeared behind him beside the bed. The clone frowned sadly down at her, reaching over Kakashi to run his hand through her hair before going to get Tenzō. Snorting softly, Kakashi traced his thumb across her cheek. "I really missed you."

Sakura finally managed a small smile. "I missed you, too."