Chapter Eleven

An Evening Alone

After three months in the past, the loneliness and longing seemed to come and go in waves. Most days Sakura was fine. She had tasks to fill her time, family to enjoy in her evenings, and the beginnings of new friendships. Minato had come around for dinner twice more, bringing his girlfriend, Uzumaki Kushina. She liked Naruto's mother immensely. Her fiery spirit reminded Sakura so much of her son. She thought, if given the chance, they could be friends.

Sakura had also made it a point to join Sakumo for his evening meditation if he was home. It helped her organize her thoughts and emotions, and she always slept better after. The fact that it was definitely getting under Kakashi's skin was an interesting development. He had reacted like she'd broken something in his brain when she'd all but said she touched herself to thoughts of his father—a lie that had nearly killed her to utter outloud and had come straight from his stupid books. She felt a little smug despite the embarrassment until it became clear he was taking her comments about his appearance seriously. He continued to neglect to cut his hair and did in fact have to start tying it back at work. When she bought herself elastic headbands, he started borrowing them to keep the hair out of his face—most often the neon pink.

It was kind of cute, actually

(The yukata he bought himself to wear around the house like Sakumo was decidedly not cute. She had a slew of other adjectives for that recurring scene.)

But even with the new family and her relationship with Kakashi, the meditating and the playful teasing, some days, she was far from 'fine.' The haunting quiet of the Hatake property when she was there alone would become oppressive. The strangeness of the village twenty-five years removed from her old reality, all the people she did not recognize in the streets would become too much. On those days, she would summon Katsuyu just to talk, or take a nap with Pakkun. Most often, she would loiter in the Academy yard and chase memories.

She was sitting in Naruto's swing again. Her heels dug into the dirt as she pushed herself slowly back and forth. For no reason in particular, Sakura had felt especially lonely that day. Even the earnest flirtation of the cute fruit vendor did little to lift her spirits. That was why she had gone to the Academy so early. It wasn't the same—it would never be. The pain of longing for a time rather than the place felt especially heavy there. She was apparently a glutton for punishment because she frequently came early. It was easier to remember her friends in a place they'd spent so much time that still looked the same.

She missed Ino. Her friend-turned rival-turned best friend would probably think her situation with Kakashi was hilarious. The blonde would no doubt have cackled madly and praised her for the lewd suggestion about Sakumo. Hinata would blush, and remind her that letting him think she was attracted to his father was probably not the best way to get him to fall in love with her. Sakura would laugh, and stammer that she was sure he knew she was only teasing—not that she was trying to make him love her or anything. Then they would go for sake and something fried and fattening.

What would Naruto be doing if he was the one she was stuck with? She definitely didn't think she would be able to pretend to be his wife. Living so close to Kakashi wasn't so bad, but Naruto would drive her insane. She did miss him, though. More than almost anyone else, actually. Stupid, cheerful blonde idiot.

"Yo."

She snorted when she glanced up at him. His hair was sweaty and sticking up behind the pink headband at odd angles. There was sawdust stuck to his left temple and a smudge of wood stain on his forearm. "You look ridiculous." She stood up and hooked a finger around the pink headband, slipping it off his head and laughing again when the hair hardly moved. He didn't push her hands away when she combed through it, shaking it loose and wiping away the sawdust. "There. That's better."

"Thanks."

Their eyes lingered on one another long enough for it to be awkward so she coughed softly and allowed her gaze to wander. "It's kind of weird being here."

"You come early some days." His voice was soft, a question with no pressure to respond.

"I want to be here, just not… now." She scrunched her face, this was difficult to explain. "Does that make sense at all?"

His hands fidgeted in his pockets, the movement catching her eye. "Yeah... Any particular attachment to the swing?"

She turned to look at it, the corner of her mouth tugging at the memory. "Naruto was always over here. Alone. Now I'm alone and missing him more than I thought I would. I guess that's why." After a moment's hesitation, she sat in it again.

"Not Sasuke?"

Her brows climbed up her forehead before she scoffed, and laughed, a little embarrassed. "I guess I'm used to him not being around. As far as he goes, I'm glad we're here. I'm sure I would have caved, forgiven him again and probably stupidly accepted whatever he would have deigned to give me, even though I'd already pretty much decided he wasn't what I wanted anymore. But I do miss Naruto." Her heart ached as she whispered, "He was my brother."

"Hm." He shifted his weight, looking around the empty schoolyard. "The swing is your memorial stone." She watched him move out of the corner of her eye, a smile twitching her face in surprise when he started pushing her. They were quiet for a while. She thought about what he'd said. He had always spent an inordinate amount of time at the memorial stone before the war remembering his lost friends. On the swing, Sakura felt vaguely close to her missing friends the way he felt close to Rin and Obito talking to that rock.

Hm. It made her feel a little better that he understood.

There was a nice breeze. She inhaled sunshine and damp earth and sweet late spring florals.

"We were in a cave." He spoke so softly, she wasn't certain he actually wanted her to hear. "It collapsed and he threw me out of the way of the falling rocks. They crushed half of his body." Ah, Obito. "He gave me the eye that wasn't buried. My eye had been lost in a fight earlier on that mission. Called it a present for making Jōnin." He huffed and she couldn't make out the emotion behind it. It almost sounded amused, or maybe annoyed.

"How old were you?" She knew the answer but he didn't need to know that.

"Nine." He pushed her a few times before he spoke again. "Naruto always reminded me of him. Loud and obnoxious, idealistic…" He huffed again and this time it was decidedly amused. "Absolutely certain he would be Hokage."

That drew a small laugh from her. "I guess our teams were pretty similar."

"Yeah… two polar opposite orphans and a plucky girl with a happy homelife in the middle of a confusing juvenile love triangle."

They were so similar. Naruto was even his sensei's son. Thinking about it like that, it almost seemed cruel. What had Hiruzen been thinking? Instead of asking, she focused on what he had said. "I have noticed Rin seems a bit enamored with Kakashi-kun."

"Hm, yes. I didn't really ever notice or care until it was too late."

Obito had been in love with her then. That certainly explained some things about the war, but how did that connect to a hatred for Kakashi? Was it just a rivalry turned sour like Naruto and Sasuke? "What happened to her?"

He didn't answer for so long she decided to change the subject. When she opened her mouth to ask about how his day had been, he finally spoke. "She was kidnapped on a mission a year after Obito. They put the Three-tailed beast inside her and sent her home. I intercepted her. She…" His weighty sigh somehow said it all, but he finished the story anyway. "They caught up to us and attacked me to keep me from interfering. She jumped in front of my chidori to spare the village a tailed beast rampage."

Her chest seized. It was somehow even worse than she imagined. She thought back over the years she had known him, to every time he'd used the lightning attack. He had to use his Sharingan. The ghosts of his slain teammates must have tormented him through every fight. She wondered if he was relieved he no longer had the reminder or sad.

Then she thought about Naruto and Sasuke. Unlike Kakashi, Sasuke would have been happy to kill her. He had tried often enough. Naruto would probably keep her in his arms long after she was gone and never forgive himself. "I think if it were me, I'd rather die by the hand of someone I loved than at the feet of an enemy. I doubt she had time to consider what it would mean for you, though." How cruel it was, how it would haunt him the rest of his life.

The swing slowed to a stop and she looked up to find him gripping the ropes, a far away look in his eyes. Several different things occurred to her to say, but she kept silent. Sighing, she leant her head against the rope and watched as the other mothers began arriving. Eventually the children appeared and Kakashi-kun ran up to meet them, surrounded by his friends as always.

Kakashi held out his hand for her, pulling her to her feet and not letting go. Something of their previous conversation must still have shown on her face because the kid ignored whatever Rin was trying to tell him in favor of her. "Are you alright, Me-chan?"

Taking a breath, she pasted on a smile. "I'm fine, Kakashi-kun. Are you ready to go home?"

There was a pebble beside his shoe and he glanced down, kicking it off across the yard. "Actually I…" His ears burned and he glanced back at a positively beaming Gai, rushing the rest so she almost couldn't understand. "I lost a challenge to Gai and now I owe him ramen."

Oh. She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing at the look of utter disgust on his face. "Well, don't be too late. Your dad should be home later tonight."

He begrudgingly nodded, accepting the ryō Kakashi handed him before following his friends out and on to the street.

"I guess we're on our own for dinner and training tonight." Kakashi tugged her along after them. "We can still have that eggplant, right?"

Sakura reached for another bite of the simmering eggplant as she hummed in delight.

"That good, huh?" Leaning around her, Kakashi grabbed her hand, directing her chopsticks towards his mouth. He pointedly ignored her eyes on his exposed face but unlike every other time he ate, he left it sitting just below his bottom lip. She had seen his face several times, though admittedly never for very long. "Hmm, that is good."

She scoffed. "Don't act so surprised. You know I've gotten better."

Taking a step away to lean against the counter, he rested his chin on his shoulder and smirked. "Ume is a good teacher."

She gave him a funny look, somewhere between amused and mildly embarrassed, her eyes lingering on his lips and partially bared teeth before darting up to meet his eyes for a second, and then back to the pan in front of her. The definitely perfect height counter he was leaning upon, and her suddenly rosy cheeks reminded him of the older woman's 'advice.' He clenched his jaw, trying to banish images of her making him feel very very appreciated.

"Yes… she is."

She didn't seem to be able to look at him and Kakashi felt positively lecherous. Gods, you're so disgusting.

He keenly felt the absence of the kid as a buffer between them.

Oh, perfect.

He cleared his throat. "I learned to cook out of necessity, mostly from books. The kid… him doing this with you and your grandmother because he wants to is a nice change."

Her lips curled in a small smile he couldn't help but mirror. "Yeah. He really enjoys learning new things."

"I'm glad that he actually gets to enjoy it, this time. I don't think I've enjoyed learning something since… well since I invented the chidori, but that only lasted as long as it took to realize I couldn't use it."

She glanced up at him and he thought she might have looked sad, but she turned away before he could really tell. "Have you ever been able to use healing chakra?"

He blinked at the abrupt subject change, taking a moment to think. "I can, but it's not really something I ever tried to get good at. Rin was going to be a medical nin, that was her thing. Then after Minato-sensei died I… Well, I didn't really care for a long time. And for the last few years I've had you." She was frowning deeply as she waited for the rice cooker to finish, nodding along. "Why do you ask?"

"Kakashi-kun asked me if I would teach him. I was thinking we could start next week when he'll be done with school for the summer."

Hm. Protecting his friends had been a driving part of Kakashi's personality at various points in his life, not always manifesting in healthy ways. Throwing himself on every proverbial sword could be seen as protecting his teammates, or deranged and suicidal. He had preferred to think of it as doggedly altruistic.

The kid's interest probably had something to do with his father's recent brushes with death.

"Considering he's already learned everything most of the Academy teachers will teach him, he probably needs something new to learn. You're a great teacher, or that's what Tsunade said, anyways."

Her face lit up at the praise as she scooped out their rice, handing it to him. "Well, I learned from the best. Gosh I miss the hospital, actually. I've gotten great at getting tough stains out of little boy pants but I'd kill for a complicated surgery."

He snorted. "Almost kill, you mean?" She rolled her eyes. "I can injure myself if you'd like."

"No thanks." They carried their food to the table and sat down next to one another. "It would be my luck that you'd cut an artery on accident and bleed out before you even get my attention. Then I'd have no choice but to marry Sakumo."

This time he knew she was teasing him. It still made him feel unreasonably indignant. And with his mask down, she could tell. Her cackling laugh made the tickling thing beneath his ribs spread out, warming his whole chest. He did not want to consider what it meant, the feeling or his annoyance with Sakumo. So he ignored it while they ate.

He continued to ignore it after dinner as they sparred. She may have been spending the better part of her days doing laundry and helping old women, but she hadn't let a thing slip. Without the kid there, they focused on one another and did not hold back. After thirty minutes, one electric burn, and at least two new craters in the field, they had devolved to hand to hand, rolling in the dirt, grappling. He was more technically skilled but she had her immense chakra-fueled strength.

Lying half on top of her, his weight pressed down on the back of her head and shoulders. Pink hair tickled his face. His nose was practically pressed to the back of her neck, her scent clouding his senses. It was doing nothing for that feeling he was trying to ignore. One arm hooked around hers, the other wound around her neck pressing a kunai against her slick skin. He really thought he had her pinned. He smirked. "Ready to yield?"

"In your dreams." One of her legs reared back and struck the ground with staggering ferocity. His whole center of gravity shifted. Where she'd been pinned beneath him, now they were both bouncing into the air. The sudden movement stunned him enough that she was able to slip free. He started to get to his feet but she was faster. Propelling herself up and over his back, she winked at him as her face appeared between his legs. Small but powerful hands had wound around his hips, jerking him backwards and down. He landed hard onto his shoulders.

Groaning, Kakashi stared up at her victorious grin from between his legs.

"Yield?"

"Hm…" He considered his position; his hips on her lap, his head between her knees. He'd seen the damage those legs could do. Still… Pushing his palms into the ground beside his head, he leavered himself over and into a crouch in a flash. He snatched one of her ankles. His calloused thumb dug into her muscle as he yanked her along until she was beneath him again. She screeched her indignation but he wasted no time. This time he made sure to pin her legs too. They were twisted up. He wasn't entirely sure where he ended and she began, but he knew he was on top. He grit his words out as he strained to keep her down. "How about you?"

She made a face, her chest heaving against his side as she wriggled. Her angry huff blew across his face, stirring his loose, far too long hair. How long does it have to be until it's sexy?

"Oh, dammit I yield."

He relaxed, unwinding himself from her and flopping back on the ground. "We're getting too good at going against each other. I think we need a new third."

She rolled onto her side to face him, her mussed pink hair sticking to her blotchy red face. "Too bad we don't want to advertise that we're actually shinobi." Her lips pursed in thought. "Maybe Minato and Kushina would be interested in sparring the next time they're here."

A nostalgic sigh escaped him. "Maybe. I'm sure he'd like a rematch once he perfects the Flying Raijin."

"Do you think I could take him?"

He nearly choked while holding in a laugh. "No. No way." She huffed and flopped back too, the tips of her fingers brushing the side of his hand. "You saw how fast he is. I was genuinely surprised I caught him. He won't fall for that trick twice."

She snorted. "Well, I can kick your butt."

Dropping his head to the side to watch her, he scoffed at the self satisfied look on her face. "I'm pretty sure I just beat you."

"Only because I didn't think I needed to pin you down. Here—" She sat up and patted her thigh. "Get over here how I had you. We'll see if you can get away this time."

His face slid into a sly grin. "If you wanted a close up view of my ass for your imagination you just had to ask." He rolled over helpfully, earning an embarrassed squawk and a narrowly dodged swat. He felt rare happy laughter bubbling up but a flare of chakra and a clearing of a throat stopped it before it could escape.

"Sakumo! You're back. Welcome home." Sakura allowed the other man to help her to her feet.

He had a solemn, tired expression, but he still managed the barest hint of a smile for her. Kakashi soured. "Where is my son?"

"He should be home soon. He went for ramen with his friends. Is everything alright, Sakumo-san? Would you like me to go find him?"

He shook his head. "No." Tipping his head back to stare at the darkening sky, he sighed and it sounded like the whole world was weighing him down. "Let him have his fun." He sighed as Kakashi rolled to his feet. "Hiruzen tried to convince me to allow him to graduate after I gave him my mission report. He seemed displeased with my answer. Danzō, he's on the council, was there too. I didn't like the way he looked when I refused. He didn't say anything, but I can tell he'll be in Hiruzen's ear."

Kakashi sucked his teeth. Danzō. Of course he would have something to say about this. He was going to be a thorn in more than one of their plans. Obviously coming to the same conclusion, Sakura folded her arms with an annoyed huff. "I don't understand why he cares so much about one kid."

Sakumo slid his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "Well, he's going to need every soldier he can get. He doesn't see a little boy, Ayame-san, he sees a weapon."

She knew that, but it didn't stop her staring angrily out into the night. Because he wanted to remind her that they would protect the kid together—and definitely not to because he felt any need to claim her in front of Sakumo—Kakashi stepped closer to her, sliding a hand around her waist to rest on her hip. It was hard to tell in the rapidly dimming light, but he thought a faint blush touched her cheeks as she glared at nothing.

"Honestly there isn't much else the Academy sensei's can teach him. I don't want him to sit bored for another year or two." One hand dug through his loose hair. "But as soon as he graduates he'll be a Genin and it won't be up to me how he progresses after that. If his new sensei says he's ready, the Hokage will be happy to push him through the Chunin exam." He sighed. "I know how talented and intelligent he is, but by this time next year we'll be at war. Probably sooner. I… do not know what the answer is."

Kakashi chewed the inside of his cheek as he remembered the short year he was a Genin. Minato had gotten him early, Obito and Rin not graduating until they were almost nine. He had taken the usual Genin ranked missions, as well as several more advanced, tagging along with Minato on reconnaissance missions as the war kicked off. He was already a Chunin when Obito and Rin were added to their team and the three of them were thrust into the thick of it.

Sakumo was right, the kid would probably go nuts if he was held back at the Academy. "He has asked Ayame to teach him medical ninjutsu. They were going to start next week." The other man gave her a curious look but did not interrupt. "You could always pull him from the Academy and teach him at home like some of the other clans do. He can take the graduation exams when you think he's ready."

Sakumo's brows furrowed in thought. "That's a good idea, actually. I'll discuss it with him and tell the Hokage. But since he's actively trying to get those clans to make more use of the Academy I don't know how much he'll appreciate it."