Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, the Characters, or any Game, Movie, or TV Show content that are mentioned in this FanFiction story. They belong to their respective owners, and I honor and respect their great works.
It's a bright sunny day in the Land of Fairytales, and Devon, Shrek, and Donkey walk out of a giant field of corn plants and sunflowers, arriving at the city-state of Duloc, just outside it's entrance parking lot where horses, wagons, and carriages stood parked.
"That's it. That's it, right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it." Donkey says
"So, that's Lord Farquaad's castle." Devon says
"Uh-huh. That's the place." Donkey says
The Keyblade Wielder, Ogre, and Donkey gaze up at the tall structure that was Duloc Castle as a flock of birds fly past it. The castle was a rectangular shaped building, disproportionately giant compared to the walled city below it with four smaller towers on top of each corner, and a few windows on its sides, inspired by the rectangular keep of the French castle, Château de Loches. Carved into the stone above the Duloc Entrance was the same stylized 'F' on a shield.
"Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?" Shrek asks leaning over towards Devon on his right with his hands at his waist
Shrek and Devon laugh, but Donkey doesn't get the joke, looking up at the castle with a questioning expression. The ogre and young teen continue walking through the parking lot.
"Hey, wait. Wait up, guys." Donkey says running to catch up
Ahead of the trio, a man and woman run through the city's entrance. Infront of the gate was a series of blue ropes hung in a maze for crowd control. A mascot wearing a giant head resembling Farquaad stands at the end of the line. Shrek, Devon, and Donkey exchange looks.
"Hey, you!" Shrek says
The mascot screams at the sight of the Ogre and begins running through the roped path to get to the front gate.
"Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just... I just..." Shrek says
Shrek sighs in frustration and begins pushing his way through the ropes. The mascot runs into a wall and knocks himself out. The trio looks down at him, then turn to each other with Shrek shaking his head and Devon shrugging his shoulders. Shrek and Devon push through the entrance's turnstile, but Donkey gets caught in it. He tries to push his way through, but spins over on the turnstile two times before landing flat on his stomach with his legs spread out. Donkey sheepishly smiles and Shrek sighs in annoyance.
Moving on, Devon, Shrek, and Donkey enter the main street of the city square, which was deserted, and they take a look around. The trees and grass were neatly cut and the many rows of houses all looked exactly the same, sharing a Germanic-style with white paint and blue accents. Chirpy music quietly plays from a set of loudspeakers. They look over at two horses on their right, a brown one and a white one, strapped to four blue carriages, acting as a tour vehicle of some kind.
"It's quiet." Shrek says
"Too quiet." Devon says
The trio look to their left and see a gift shop called 'Ye Olde Souvenir Shoppee' in yellow text, which sold nothing but wooden and cloth dolls in Lord Farquaad's likeness.
"Where is everybody?" Shrek says shrugging his shoulders
"Hey, look at this!" Donkey says
Donkey runs over to a box marked 'Information' and pulls a lever attached to it on the right. A ticking sound is heard, like a bomb ready to explode, and Donkey runs and retreats behind Shrek and Devon. The speed of the ticking increases, going faster and faster, while the trio brace themselves for what comes next. Soon, the box doors open up and folk music plays. Inside are wooden, animatronic Duloc dolls, standing in a model replica of Duloc. The male dolls had brown pageboy hair, wearing a blue hat, red vests, dull blue tunics, pants, and brown shoes, and the female dolls had golden ponytail hair, wearing blue dresses and a cyan colored tunic. Six herald dolls stood at the top of the model Duloc Castle blowing trumpets, while six dolls, four male and two females in-between, stood down below on the castle ramparts, holding a long red flag in their hands. On the box's left-side was a Judge doll holding a scroll in its hands, along with twelve Jury dolls, four along each row, and one Prisoner doll locked up in a tower, wearing a black-and-white stripe jumpsuit. Each of the dolls had blue eyes and blush marks on their cheeks, only the female dolls had lipstick on their mouths. Together, they all started to sing.
Duloc Dolls:
Welcome to Duloc, such a perfect town
The Judge doll slides up and opens the scroll in its hands, which says 'Rules'.
Duloc Dolls:
Here we have some rules, let us lay them down
Next, the dolls shook hands with each other.
Duloc Dolls:
Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine
Duloc is perfect place
The dolls bend down to wipe their shoes with their hands, then turn away for a moment, revealing their posteriors, before looking back over their right-side.
Duloc Dolls:
Please keep off of the grass
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
Duloc is, Duloc is
Duloc is a perfect place.
The box doors close as the song ends. Suddenly a hidden camera takes a sepia tone photo of Devon, Shrek, and Donkey's picture, each sharing a dumbfounded expression, currently on their faces.
"Wow! Let's do that again!" Donkey says running to pull the lever again
"No! Donkey!" Devon says
"No! No! No, no, no! No." Shrek says quickly grabbing Donkey by his tail and pulling him back
"Once was enough, thank you." Devon says
The trio soon hear a trumpet fanfare sounding off from afar further down the street towards the castle and head over to investigate. A voice sounds from the distance. It was Lord Farquaad making an announcement.
"Brave knights! You are the best and brightest in all the land, and today one of you shall prove himself better and brighter than all the rest." Farquaad says
Devon, Shrek and Donkey walk down a tunnel, following the sound of Farquaad's voice. As they do, Donkey hums the Duloc theme song.
"All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom." Shrek says turning to Donkey on his right, pointing at him with his right index finger
"Sorry about that." Donkey apologizes
The trio soon enter a stadium-like arena, where Farquaad was giving his speech. Duloc Knights were gathered in the center as a large crowd of citizens watched on from the stands around them. Horses, kegs of beer, arrow targets, and other equipment were scattered about. And Lord Farquaad himself was atop a high up balcony, flanked by two guards, addressing the knights below him. Devon, Shrek, and Donkey step out onto the arena, but weren't noticed.
"That champion shall have the honor... No, no, the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make." Farquaad says
The Keyblade Wielder, ogre, and donkey look around at the crowd as they cheer, noticing a man holding up a cue card up to the crowd that reads 'Applause'.
"Let the tournament begin!" Farquaad says spreading his arms out and raising them up
Shrek marches onward through the Duloc Knights, who back away in disgust upon noticing him. The crowd gasps and goes quiet.
"What is that? Oh! It's hideous!" Farquaad says in disgust
"Oh, that's not very nice." Shrek says
Shrek glances back at Donkey on his right, then back at Farquaad.
"It's just a donkey." Shrek says
"Huh?" Donkey says tilting his head slightly in confusion
"Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the Ogre will be named champion! Have at him!" Farquaad says raising his right index finger before pointing at Shrek with the same finger
The Duloc Knights draw their swords, spears, maces, and poleaxes, slowly approaching Shrek as he, Devon, and Donkey back away, the crowd cheering them on.
"Get him!" Man #1 shouts
"Ooookay... This escalated very quickly." Devon says
"Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now." Shrek says
The Ogre bumps into a table behind him, noticing mugs of ale.
"Go ahead! Get him!" Woman #1 shouts
"Can't we just settle this over a pint?" Shrek asks holding up a mug in his right-hand
"Kill the beast!" Man #2 shouts
"No? All right then." Shrek says
Shrek drinks the ale in one gulp.
"Come on!" Shrek says
(Bad Reputation, by Joan Jett - Starts)
Shrek takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of ale behind him. The ale inside rushes out, knocking the knights down and wetting the ground into mud. Shrek slides past the knights and grabs a spear, using it like a hockey stick to knock one off his feet. Devon and Donkey faced two knights infront of them, then the Keyblade Wielder glances up at large beer barrel behind them over his right-shoulder.
"Donkey, come on!" Devon says looking down at Donkey on his right
Joan Jett:
I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Devon and Donkey hop up onto the beer barrel, which breaks free of its ropes and begins to roll. Together, they manage to roll over two knights into the mud and rolls over another group of knights running after Shrek.
Joan Jett:
Living in the past, it's a new generation
Devon jumps off the barrel with a backward somersault, while Donkey continued rolling, and he dive kicks a knight with his right-leg extended. Three knights run toward him, but the Keyblade Wielder kicks them away with three right spinning split kicks. Two knights approach Devon with their swords in their hands. The young teen decides to bring out his own weapon and summons his Keyblade: Soul Calibur. This caught the eyes of the crowd, who gasped in awe, and Lord Farquaad himself, who leaned forward in interest. The two knights charge at Devon and swing their swords at him. Devon blocks both swords on his left and right, switching back and forth between the knights as he parried their attacks, then knocks the swords out of their grip and kicks them away with a jumping split kick.
Joan Jett:
A girl can do what she wants to do
And that's what I'm gonna do
Shrek hops over a set of ropes set up like a wrestling ring as two knights chase after him and uses the ropes to launch himself forward at the knights, knocking them over with his arms in a Double Clothesline move.
Joan Jett:
An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
Next, the Ogre jump kicks a knight with a Rough Ryder, grabbing his head with his legs and pulling him to the ground, then body slams another with a Diving Crossbody. Donkey watches excitedly from the side, half his body leaning over the ropes.
Joan Jett:
Oh, no (no, no, no, no, no, no)
A knight comes up behind Shrek with his spear ready to attack. The crowd gasps, but before the knight can make a move, Devon blocks his spear with Soul Calibur, waving his right index finger at him with a smirk.
Joan Jett:
Not me (me, me, me, me, me, me)
Shrek comes around and grabs the knight in a full-nelson hold.
"Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!" Donkey says
Shrek brings the knight over to Donkey, who leans on the ropes and headbutts the knight.
Joan Jett:
An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
The Ogre climbs up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd, who were now starting to cheer for him and his companions. Shrek stands on top of the ropes and beckons on the crowd's cheers.
"Ha! Ha ha ha ha! Yeah!" Shrek laughs triumphantly
Joan Jett:
An' I'm only doin' good when I'm havin' fun
An' I don't have to please no one
A knight tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but fails to catch him as he turns in time to see him and jumps on him with a Diving Seated Senton.
Joan Jett:
An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
"The chair! Give him the chair!" Woman #2 shouts
Shrek smacks a knight lying on the ground with a wooden folding chair, while Devon dispatches two more knights with ease with a butterfly kick, and a jumping reverse roundhouse kick. Farquaad was watching everything, and he rests his head on his right-hand, shaking his head at the incompetence of his knights.
Joan Jett:
Oh, no (no, no, no, no, no, no)
Not me (me, me, me, me, me, me)
Shrek grabs a knight and throws him against the ropes, then knocks him down with a dropkick. Moving on to the other knights, Shrek lifts one upside-down and drops him over with a Vertical Suplex, grabs another knight in an ankle lock, and drops another knight upside-down with a Tombstone Piledriver.
Joan Jett:
Oh, no (no, no, no, no, no, no)
Not me (me, me, me, me, me, me)
Not me (no, no, no, no, no, no, me, me, me, me, me, me)
Finally, the Ogre picks up the last knight, spinning him over his head with a Spinning Gorilla Press, then throws him against the post of the wrestling ring.
Joan Jett:
Not me
Donkey kicks the knight's helmet with his hind legs, and a ding sound marks the end of the match.
(Bad Reputation by Joan Jett - Ends)
Finally, all the knights are down, and the audience goes wild. Devon, Shrek, and Donkey regroup in the center of the arena as the crowd cheers them on. Devon spins Soul Calibur three times in his right-hand and hefts onto his right-shoulder proudly, while Shrek interacts with the crowd.
"Oh, yeah! Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha ha ha ha ha!" Shrek says flexing his muscles and waving to the crowd with his right-hand
Having seen enough, Farquaad motions his right-hand to the soldiers around him, who aim their crossbows at Shrek and Donkey. The crowd gasps and goes silent. Shrek stops laughing, Donkey looks around nervously, and Devon took up a defensive stance. The guard flanking Farquaad on his left leans in closer to him.
"Shall I give the order, sir?" The guard asks
"No, I have a better idea." Farquaad says holding his right-hand out to the guard
After saying that, Farquaad makes an announcement to the crowd.
"People of Duloc! I give you, our champions!" Farquaad says raising his hands and gesturing to Devon, Shrek, and Donkey
"What?" Devon and Shrek say in unison
The crowd cheers and a fanfare plays. The Keyblade Wielder, Ogre, and Donkey looked around at the crowd and shared dumbfounded glances with each other, then turn their attention to Lord Farquaad as he speaks to them.
"Congratulations, Ogre. You and your companions have won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest." Farquaad says
"Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back." Shrek says pointing to himself with his left thumb
"Your swamp?" Farquaad asks raising his right-eyebrow
"Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures!" Shrek says pointing to himself with his right thumb before pointing up at Farquaad with his right index finger
"Indeed. All right, Ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back." Farquaad says
"Exactly the way it was?" Shrek asks raising his right-eyebrow
"Down to the last slime-covered toadstool." Farquaad says
"And the squatters?" Shrek asks
"As good as gone." Farquaad says
Shrek glances at the soldiers still aiming their crossbows and then turns back to Lord Farquaad.
"What kind of quest?" Shrek asks raising his left-eyebrow, listening intently
Author's Note: Here's a little chapter to help kick things into gear. Devon, Shrek, and Donkey arrive at Duloc, where they meet the pint-sized tyrannical ruler himself, Lord Farquaad, who sends his knights to fight them. However, Devon and Shrek manage to defeat the knights of Duloc in a fight of wrestling and Keyblades. Impressed by their abilities, Lord Farquaad makes a deal with Shrek. A noble quest for the return of his swamp. And good news, the next chapter is just about finished, and I'll be posting it soon in the next couple days. Next up: Rescue at the Dragon's Keep, where our heroes meet the two hottest, sexiest female characters of the Shrek franchise. Oops... Heh heh... Did I say that? Anyways... Let me know what you guys think. No flames please. Hope you guys like and don't forget to review!