Chapter 6: The Weight
The bunker was quiet. Its walls kept any outside noise out and so only the humming of the electrics filled the space.
Annie stood in the corner of her room, leaning against the sink. She stares at herself in the mirror before washing her face and putting on her clothes Sam had washed and neatly folded for her. Her wounds throbbed but she could move through the pain. She grabbed the stash of bandages and painkillers left at the foot of her bed and stuffed them in her bag.
Opening the door Annie stood in the dimly lit hallway. Her eyes darted down each corridor and to every door wondering if Sam or Dean were behind them.
She couldn't stay, not with them. She wasn't ready for any of this, she wasn't ready for whatever they wanted from her. She needed to be alone again. She was angry for letting them help her. She had been vulnerable; she was angry she'd put herself in that position.
Just as Annies fingers brushed the handle of the door she had earlier broken in through, she heard a voice.
"Leaving so soon?" Annie froze, her body tensed. As she slowly turns around, Castiel stands at the bottom of the stairs. His eyes studying her with a mixture of curiosity and concern.
"I didn't ask for your help" Annie whispers "I didn't ask for any of this".
Castiel takes a step forward up the stairs, one step at a time. His expression is gentle, but his eyes showed sadness. "No, you didn't ask for help, but you came here looking for it and we helped you because that's what we do."
"No, you possessed me or whatever that angel shit was you did to me" Annie snaps.
Castiel smiles "grace, it was grace. I left nothing behind you are still 100% you. Just healed". He takes another step closer to Annie "you've been through something, something painful and I don't mean the wounds I just patched up. I can feel it. You don't trust people; you don't trust us."
Annie chest tightened at his words, her emotions threatened to burst out, but she clams down hard. She couldn't let herself feel this, not now, not after everything.
"You don't know what you're talking about" Annie hisses, she fumbles with the door as she tries to leave "you're just an angel, what do you know about pain".
Castiel reaches out and places his hand on Annies "I know more than you might think. I know that people who've been hurt like you… they don't always know how to accept kindness. They don't trust, because they've been betrayed too many times. I know what it feels like to be alone".
Annie looks at him, frustration building in her chest "you don't get it, you don't understand. It's easier to be alone, it's safer. No one can hurt you when you're by yourself".
Castiel sighs "I don't think that's true" he says softly. Annie notices a note of sincerity in his voice. "You're running from something but running away doesn't change the past and it doesn't change what's ahead of you". He hesitates before continuing "Sam and Dean… they would never hurt you the way others have."
Annie, momentarily taken aback by the unwavering honesty in Castiel's eyes, struggles for words.
"I'm not saying they're perfect" Castiel continues "but they're trying. They care about you. I think you know that. Sam and Dean… they don't let just anyone in. They've been through more than you can imagine, and they've learned to protect themselves, to push people away too. But when they want to help someone, it means something."
Annie feels as if the wind has been taken from her. Castiel has somehow seen right through her, through the hurt, the fear and the vulnerability she had kept buried for so long. She felt cornered.
"Why should I believe you?" she finally asks, her voice quiet.
"Because the truth is, they need you. Whether you want to admit it or not, you've already made an impact on them. And that's why they won't give up on you."
"I can't do this" she whispers. She removes Castiel's hand from hers and pulls open the bunker door. Before leaving she turns back to Castiel one last time. "Thank you for saving me" she says and with that she steps into the night. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she was not entirely alone in the world.