Soon Duke brought back a steaming cup of coffee and a packaged cinnamon Danish that looked like it had seen better days. Audrey practically wolfed it down while sipping the hot liquid. She seemed a lot calmer when she was done.
"So, what's your story?" Duke prompted.
"Ah, right, I said I'd tell you, didn't I," Audrey hedged.
"You did," Duke agreed.
"All right, I'm trusting you not to go spreading this around. It's nobody's business."
"My lips are sealed."
"Right, so. So. I majored in computer science in college and joined the FBI. I worked in the cybercrimes department for a few years until there was an opening in the unit that investigates violent crimes against children. The average tenure in that department is one year and people coped by using alcohol and even illegal drugs. I saw marriages fall apart. I saw people fall apart. My coping mechanisms were coffee, cupcakes, and exhaustion. I'd work until I'd crash. You only dream when you're asleep. You don't dream when you're unconscious.
"I managed for two years until I fell apart. I immediately requested a transfer. My boss understood. He told me to take some time off first and then he'd find me a good position, not just the first one that was available in a field office in North Dakota. A few days ago he told me he was sending me to Haven, Maine, to track down a fugitive. No, I can't tell you what he'd wanted for. It seemed like an odd assignment, but you don't question the Bureau's wisdom. So I came here. And I'm still not sleeping. Two months isn't long enough. I'm considering quitting the Bureau after I find this guy.
"But tonight, I can't just go back to sleep. I need the coffee to keep me awake until I crash."
The pain in her voice was palpable. Duke was stunned. "I'm so sorry, Audrey. The work you were doing was heroic. But listen, I've studied meditation and I can help you to asleep calmly that hopefully won't lead to nightmares. Or . . . I could get into bed with you. Physical contact releases positive hormones. I swear I'm not hitting on you."
Audrey laughed bitterly. "And when mini-me makes an appearance you're swear it was involuntary, doesn't mean anything, and I shouldn't be bothered by it."
"No," Duke said flatly. "That's not going to happen."
"You can't control something that involuntary."
"I learned meditation in a Buddhist monestary in Nepal where I studied for a year. I also learned how to control my mind and my body. Maybe this sounds pretentious and unbelievable, but it's true. I don't know what else to say to convince you."
"Did you ever ask Nathan for forgiveness for having bullied him?"
At first Duke was thrown by what seemed to be a non sequitur but then he got it: she was asking if he was what Nathan said he was.
"Buddhism isn't a twelve-step program. It doesn't suggest that you ask people for forgiveness because words don't really do anything. It requires you to change as a person, be better."
"How would Nathan know you were better if you haven't apologized. You can't just tell someone, 'Guess what, I'm a better person now.' You have to demonstrate it."
"With actions. Nathan and I don't hang out or anything. He doesn't know what I'm like now."
"Well, apologizing would be a good first step toward reconciliation. You might be a Buddhist, but he's not."
"I . . . suppose I could do that. I can invite him to my restaurant-bar The Grey Gull and buy him a beer. But if he won't accept my apology, that's on him. I won't grovel."
"All right, you can get into bed with me. But no accidental groping either."
"I won't," Duke promised.
As Duke took off his shoes, Audrey added, "I don't know that I'll fall asleep either way, though, after having that coffee."
She doesn't know that the coffee I brought was more than half decaf, Duke thought, smirking to himself.
"But at least you'll be resting," he lied.
He climbed into bed and spooned Audrey, carefully putting his arm around her waist without accidentally brushing her breasts. He let his hand rest on the bed and not on her stomach. She didn't move it, but she covered it with her own. Duke forcefully expelled the idea from his mind that this felt good to him and focused on the tension in Audrey's body,
"Let's do a relaxation exercise. Listen to the sound of my voice. Listen to the tone. Listen to the words least of all. Let the sounds flow over you like a clear stream in the woods, peaceful and calm . . ."
Duke ran through a simple exercise of moving through one's body and relaxing each part from head to toe. About halfway through, Audrey fell asleep. He smiled to himself and followed her lead.