I didn't know before, it just comes automatic
The warm rays of the late afternoon sun streamed through the tall arched windows, casting golden patterns on the polished wooden floor of the drawing room. The delicate clinking of porcelain cups blended harmoniously with the soft hum of conversation and the occasional peal of feminine laughter.
Mikan Yukihira stood gracefully near the center of the room, the picture of poise and refinement. Her gown, a delicate shade of powder blue, flowed elegantly around her, adorned with fine embroidery that spoke of impeccable taste. Her gloved hands rested lightly on the back of a carved mahogany chair as she observed the gathered ladies, her serene expression betraying none of the turbulence within.
This was her domain, the tea salon that had become the most sought-after gathering among the noblewomen of Alice. Here, wives and daughters of nobles convened under the guise of leisure, discussing fashion trends, court gossip, and the latest innovations in cosmetics. But beneath the surface, the conversations often veered toward more subversive topics—ones that could not be uttered outside these gilded walls.
"Have you seen the latest Parisian designs, Lady Imai?" inquired Anna Umenomiya, a soft-spoken beauty whose delicate features seemed to glow in the sunlight. She sat with perfect posture, her hands folded neatly over her lap.
Hotaru Imai, seated beside her, barely glanced up from the teacup she held with a steady hand. Her dark eyes, sharp and calculating, took in the room before she replied. "I have, though I find the current fascination with feathers rather impractical. One strong gust of wind, and half of your coiffure would be in disarray."
The room broke into gentle laughter, but Mikan's attention was already elsewhere. Her gaze flickered to the figure at the head of the table, the one whose presence subtly commanded the room.
Princess Nonoko, the oldest daughter of King Alicio, was seated with effortless grace. Her gown, while modest compared to the finery of the other ladies, seemed to accentuate her authority rather than diminish it. With an air of quiet confidence, she lifted her cup, taking in the chatter of her companions as though she were surveying her kingdom.
But there was no mistaking the tension behind her composed demeanor. Rumors had been swirling in the court—whispers of opposition to her claim to the throne, murmurs of a rival faction eager to see the crown passed to a male heir.
"Mikan," the princess said suddenly, her voice clear and measured. All conversation ceased as the room turned to look at Mikan.
Mikan stepped forward with practiced ease, her heart steady despite the sudden attention. "Your Highness?"
Nonoko's lips curved into a faint smile. "I was just remarking on how splendidly you've hosted us yet again. Truly, there is no other gathering quite like this one in all of Alice."
The ladies murmured their agreement, but there was an undercurrent to the princess's words that only a few in the room could discern. Mikan dipped her head slightly, offering a modest smile. "You are too kind, Your Highness. It is an honor to provide a space for such a distinguished company."
Hotaru set her teacup down with a deliberate clink, breaking the silence that had settled. "And yet, one must wonder how long such gatherings can remain undisturbed."
Nonoko's gaze sharpened, and the faint smile she had worn moments ago disappeared. A stillness fell over the room, the lighthearted atmosphere vanishing like morning mist.
It was Mikan who spoke next, her voice soft yet firm. "Perhaps we should discuss such matters after tea. For now, let us enjoy the respite this moment offers."
The tension eased slightly, though Mikan knew it would return soon enough. These women, dressed in silk and lace, sipping tea from dainty cups, were not just nobles indulging in idle chatter. They were conspirators, bound together by their loyalty to the princess and their shared belief in her right to the throne.
And Mikan Yukihira, despite her outward grace and composure, was among the most devoted of them all.
As the tea settled and the conversation lightened, the chatter shifted toward more personal matters, as it often did among the noblewomen. The women exchanged knowing glances, their voices lowering as they began to speak of a subject that had been on the lips of many in the kingdom for months: Mikan's wedding.
"Speaking of grand occasions," Anna began, her voice sweet yet laced with a hint of mischief, "I hear your wedding is fast approaching, Lady Yukihira. Three months, is it not?"
Mikan felt a faint blush rise to her cheeks, but she quickly masked it with a serene smile. "Indeed, the preparations are well underway," she replied, her tone polite but distant, as though the topic were something she had little interest in.
Princess Nonoko, who had been silent since, now spoke up, her tone thoughtful. "You must be looking forward to it, Mikan. A wedding to Natsume Hyuga, duke to the prestigious Hyuga Duchy... It is the union of two great houses. Surely it will be a day to remember."
Mikan's fingers tightened around her teacup, but her expression remained composed. "Of course," she said smoothly, "I am honored by the union and grateful for the future it promises. The Hyuga family has long been one of the kingdom's most respected."
Hotaru, who had been quiet until now, tilted her head, her dark eyes gleaming with curiosity. "But are you excited, Lady Yukihira?"
The question hung in the air, drawing the attention of every woman present. Mikan felt a brief moment of discomfort, though she quickly suppressed it.
"I am honored, yes," she repeated, her voice steady, "but one cannot deny that the expectations surrounding such an event are quite demanding."
Anna chuckled softly, but there was an edge to her words. "You speak as if you have no choice in the matter. But surely, you have known since childhood that this would be your path, Lady Yukihira."
Mikan's smile remained, but there was a fleeting shadow in her eyes. "I have always known," she said, her tone tinged with something that could almost be described as resignation. "It is a duty I will fulfill, as my mother did before me, and as my future husband expects of me."
Nonoko leaned forward slightly, her eyes sharp as she studied Mikan's face. "And what of your heart, Mikan? Does it align with this arranged union?"
Mikan's gaze flickered for a moment, before she met the princess's piercing eyes. "My heart," she said softly, "is with the future of the kingdom, and with the women who will one day shape it."
There was a brief silence, and the other women seemed to sense the weight of Mikan's words. The tea salon, usually filled with lighthearted chatter, now felt more like a quiet council of political minds, all bound by unspoken alliances.
Hotaru, ever perceptive, was the first to break the silence. "You are right, Lady Yukihira. We are all playing our parts, whether we wish to or not. But I trust you will continue to play your part in a way that helps shape the kingdom for the better."
Mikan glanced at her, her gaze softening. "I will, Lady Imai. I will."
Nonoko's lips curled into a faint smile. "Your dedication is inspiring, Mikan. Perhaps that is why I trust you so much. You may be bound by duty, but you still possess the strength to see beyond it."
For a fleeting moment, Mikan felt a surge of gratitude toward the princess. Despite the heavy expectations placed on her, she knew that her loyalty to Nonoko and her cause was unwavering.
"As for the wedding itself," Anna continued, her voice taking on a playful tone, "will you be wearing the traditional gown, or have you chosen something more modern?"
Mikan chuckled softly, the tension momentarily lifting. "I believe I will go with something traditional. It would be unthinkable to stray from custom when so many eyes will be upon us."
"Indeed," Anna agreed, "but one can still add their own touch, can't they?"
The conversation drifted back to the lighter topics of wedding planning, but Mikan found her mind elsewhere. The wedding, the union of two great houses, was indeed a matter of honor.
But as the days drew closer, she could not shake the feeling that her future—no matter how gilded—was already beginning to feel suffocating.
Would her duty ever allow her the freedom she so desperately longed for?
A few days later, Mikan arrived at the familiar Glass Palace nestled within the expansive garden. The building, with its gleaming windows and intricate ironwork, always felt like a sanctuary, a place where she could momentarily escape the world outside. Today, however, the weight of the future seemed to hang in the air more heavily than usual.
As she stepped inside, she saw Natsume already waiting by the large glass windows, his back to the garden. His poised figure stood in sharp contrast to the relaxed beauty of the surrounding greenery. His dark, tailored attire spoke of the formality that came with his station, a constant reminder of the life he was born into and the responsibilities he carried as heir to the Hyuga Duchy.
"Mikan," Natsume greeted, his voice as steady and impassive as always. His gaze met hers, though it was clear his mind was preoccupied with something else—likely the many affairs of the duchy that needed attention.
"Hyuga," Mikan replied in kind, her tone polite and composed. There was no need for pleasantries beyond the usual formality. They were well-acquainted by now, having known each other since childhood, and the words felt as rehearsed as the steps in a dance neither of them had ever questioned.
The table before them was set with delicate pastries and porcelain teacups, a quiet ritual in their weekly meetings. The soft clink of porcelain filled the silence as they each took their seat, the familiar routine easing the tension of the moment.
"So," Natsume began, breaking the silence, "how has the week been for you? The wedding preparations are progressing smoothly?"
"Of course," Mikan replied, picking up a delicate pastry. "Everything is as planned. The invitations were sent out, and the final details are being arranged."
Natsume nodded, taking a sip from his teacup. "Good. The duchy is quite eager to see the union between our families come to fruition. We'll have to make sure everything goes perfectly."
Mikan smiled politely, keeping her responses neutral. She had no need to question the preparations or their inevitable union—such things were already settled. For both of them, this was a matter of course, a continuation of long-established expectations.
"I met with some of the other families this week," Mikan continued, shifting the topic slightly.
"The upcoming social season is already taking shape. There's talk of a new fashion trend from the capital."
"Always fashion," Natsume commented dryly, a slight hint of amusement in his tone. "Perhaps we should consider how the wedding will reflect the latest trends as well."
Mikan nodded. "I believe our wedding will be the talk of the season." She sipped her tea, her gaze momentarily drifting to the window where the sunlight filtered through the glass, casting delicate shadows across the floor.
"It should be," Natsume agreed, "a memorable event. A symbol of the strength of our families."
There was a pause as the two of them ate in silence, the weight of their shared responsibilities settling between them. Neither one of them spoke of their personal lives outside of these meetings, nor did they need to. Their roles were clear, and their obligations took precedence over any sentimentality.
"We'll need to focus on the logistics of the ceremony soon," Natsume said after a moment. "There's also the matter of the post-wedding arrangements for the duchy."
Mikan smiled slightly, a flicker of amusement in her eyes. "Always business. It seems we will have plenty to keep us occupied until the day arrives."
Natsume didn't respond to that, but his eyes softened, the briefest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It was rare to see such an expression from him, but in moments like this, when the formalities were stripped away, they could briefly share the understanding that their lives were inexorably tied together, and both had grown accustomed to the weight of their futures.
"We've done well so far," Mikan said, setting down her teacup. "The future is... manageable. It's what we've been trained for."
"Indeed," Natsume replied, his voice steady. "There's no room for failure."
The conversation drifted, as it always did, toward the matter of their future roles. They spoke of the duchy, of the people they would one day rule over, and of the duties they would fulfill. Neither of them asked anything of the other beyond the bare essentials. There was no room for deeper conversation, not when both were so entrenched in the responsibilities laid before them.
When their tea was finished, Natsume stood, his movements deliberate and precise. "I will see you next week, Mikan," he said, his voice as calm as ever.
Mikan nodded, rising to her feet. "Until then, Hyuga."
With that, the meeting concluded as it always did—orderly, composed, and without any sentiment beyond the formal exchange of words. As he departed, Mikan lingered in the glasspalace for a moment longer, the sound of her own footsteps the only sound in the empty space.
The air was cool, the setting serene, but there was something bittersweet in the silence that followed him. Yet Mikan knew, as always, that the path she walked was one she had chosen long ago.
A few weeks later, the crisp air of autumn settled into the kingdom, and Mikan's wedding drew ever closer. Preparations were in full swing, and among the many tasks ahead, today was a significant one: the fitting of her wedding gowns.
The bridal boutique was a luxurious space tucked away in the heart of the capital. Its polished wooden floors gleamed under the soft golden light streaming through the tall windows, and the scent of fresh flowers lingered in the air. Mannequins dressed in delicate wedding gowns stood like statues, their elegance almost overwhelming in their stillness.
As Mikan entered, she was greeted by the seamstress with a deep bow. "Lady Yukihira, everything is prepared for you," the woman said, motioning to the three gowns standing on separate pedestals. "Please, take your time."
Mikan smiled politely and nodded, her mind focused on the task at hand. Today was not about personal enjoyment—it was another step in the grand preparations for her wedding, a marriage of tradition and duty. The dresses before her were not creations for her own desires, but for the occasion that awaited.
Rika, her maid, helped her out of her coat and escorted her into the fitting room. The three gowns stood waiting, each one more grand than the last. The first was a striking design in white satin, adorned with intricate lace and pearl details. The second was an ivory gown with a high lace collar and long, flowing sleeves, evoking a sense of regality. The third was the most extravagant—a silken ivory creation with layers of tulle and embroidered flowers that seemed to shimmer with every movement.
Mikan studied the gowns in silence. It was not often that she was given the opportunity to choose such extravagant garments, but she was not about to entertain any illusions. These gowns were not for her, but for the roles she was expected to play throughout the day of her wedding. They were part of a grand spectacle, and she would wear them as required.
"I'll try them all," she said, her voice steady.
One by one, the seamstress and her assistants helped her into each gown, making adjustments along the way. The first gown, with its white satin and intricate lace, fit her perfectly. It was beautiful—elegant and poised—but it felt like a dress for a ceremonial role, nothing more. As she turned to admire herself in the mirror, she thought of the grand procession that would take place in this gown: the moment she would walk down the aisle, the eyes of the entire court upon her. There would be no room for personal sentiment; it was simply the symbol of a marriage.
Next, Mikan slipped into the second gown, the ivory creation with the lace collar and flowing sleeves. The design was more classic, evoking the noble women of old. This gown was meant for the evening reception, when the guests would gather for speeches and dancing. It was beautiful in its restraint, a reminder of the expectations of her role.
Finally, the last gown was revealed: a stunning creation of silken ivory, its layers of tulle and embroidered flowers giving it an almost ethereal quality. Mikan slipped into the gown, and for a brief moment, she allowed herself to appreciate its beauty. It was the most extravagant of the three.
As she stood in front of the mirror, her reflection in all three gowns felt like a succession of roles she would play on her wedding day.
Rika and the seamstress stood by, awaiting her judgment. "Which one do you prefer, Lady Yukihira?" the seamstress asked.
Mikan studied her reflection once more, then turned to the others. "I will take these two," she decided.
The seamstress smiled, clearly relieved that her work was appreciated. "Of course, Lady Yukihira. They are perfectly suited to your wedding."
Mikan nodded. "They will do well," she said, her voice calm and measured. The wedding would be a grand affair, with all the pomp and circumstance that was expected. These gowns, each one chosen with care, would help her fulfill her role with grace and dignity.
As she changed back into her own clothes, she felt the weight of the gowns settle in her mind. It wasn't about which one she liked the most, but which one was the most fitting for each moment of the day. Her wedding would not be about her desires—it would be about tradition, status, and duty. The gowns were simply a reflection of that reality.
The fitting was soon over, and the gowns were carefully packed away for the upcoming event. As Mikan left the boutique, the crisp autumn air greeted her, and for a moment, she allowed herself a brief sense of freedom in the outside world. But even then, her thoughts turned to the wedding and the life that awaited her once it was all done.
Upon returning to the Marquis' mansion, the familiar warmth of the grand estate wrapped itself around Mikan. She had just finished the wedding gown fitting, the weight of the upcoming nuptials still hanging heavy in her thoughts. She was lost in her own musings when a servant appeared at her side, respectfully informing her that her uncle, the Marquis, wished to see her in his office.
Without hesitation, Mikan made her way through the corridors of the mansion, the polished floors echoing with her footsteps. She had always been close to her uncle, and though he was a man of few words, there was a quiet strength in his presence that had guided her since childhood.
Arriving at the office, Mikan paused briefly to gather her composure before gently knocking on the door.
"Come in," a calm voice answered from inside.
Mikan entered, stepping lightly into the room. Her uncle, as always, was seated at his desk, his glasses perched delicately on his nose as he examined documents with meticulous care. He glanced up when he heard the door open, and a soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
"Mikan," he greeted her warmly, setting the papers aside. "The wedding draws near, doesn't it?"
Mikan nodded, returning his smile with one of her own. "Yes, it does. The preparations are nearly finished."
Her uncle studied her for a moment before speaking again, his voice carrying a touch of gravity. "There is one last thing you must learn before your wedding. One last piece of knowledge to carry with you as you take on your new role."
Mikan raised an eyebrow, curious but obedient. Her uncle had always been a man of wisdom, and she trusted his guidance implicitly. She had learned so much from him over the years, from the ways of nobility to the more delicate aspects of managing the estate. But she had a feeling this lesson would be different.
He rose from his desk and walked over to a shelf lined with books. His fingers traced along the spines as he scanned the collection before pulling out a particular book, its cover worn from years of use. The book was thick, bound in deep maroon leather, and the edges were gilded, hinting at its importance.
Her uncle turned back to her, the book in his hands. He held it out toward her with a knowing expression.
"Take this," he said, his voice steady. "It is an important guide, one that will prepare you for the responsibilities that lie ahead. I suggest you read it thoroughly before your wedding. It contains many lessons that will be invaluable to you as you assume your role as a duchess."
Mikan took the book from him, her fingers grazing the smooth surface. She could sense the weight of it—both literally and metaphorically. It was more than just a book; it was a symbol of the legacy she was about to inherit, and the duties she would soon carry.
She looked up at her uncle, meeting his gaze. "Thank you," she said softly. "I will make sure to read it carefully."
Her uncle nodded approvingly and smiled again, though this time, there was a quiet pride in his eyes. "You have always been diligent, Mikan. And with your marriage to Natsume, the two of you will make an excellent pair."
Mikan's heart warmed at his words, but she quickly masked any personal sentiment with the calm composure she had been taught to uphold. "I will do my best to live up to the expectations placed upon me."
Her uncle stepped closer, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. His expression softened, and for a moment, Mikan saw the affection he had always kept hidden behind his stern exterior.
"You will be a wonderful duchess, Mikan. I am certain of it," he said, his voice full of quiet reassurance.
Mikan felt a wave of gratitude wash over her at his words. Though her path was set, though the future seemed so firmly dictated by the expectations of her family and society, there was a comfort in knowing that her uncle believed in her. She straightened her back, feeling the weight of the book in her hands once more.
"I will make sure to be ready," she replied with quiet resolve.
Her uncle smiled once again, this time with a rare hint of warmth. "I know you will. Now, go and take some rest. There is much to be done, but you have time before the wedding. Make sure you are prepared in mind and spirit."
Mikan nodded and turned to leave the office, the book now carefully clutched in her arms. As she walked down the corridor, she couldn't help but wonder what the book contained, and what new responsibilities awaited her as she prepared to step into her new life as a duchess.
When she returned to her room, she felt the weight of the day settle on her shoulders. She was exhausted but knew there was still much to be done. Her wedding was fast approaching, and the world around her seemed to be moving forward at a pace that almost felt out of her control.
After a quick dinner, she retired to the luxurious bath, letting the warm water wash away the fatigue that clung to her skin. The steam rose, curling around her as she leaned back, allowing the moment of solitude to calm her mind.
Once she finished, she changed into her nightgown and made her way to her bed, the book still sitting on the nightstand, almost calling to her. She glanced at it for a moment before finally reaching out to open it. The soft crack of its spine echoed in the quiet room as she flipped through the thick pages.
The book was unlike anything Mikan had ever read before. At first glance, it seemed like a guide for young women, but the further she went into its pages, the more she realized it contained knowledge she had never been privy to.
Mikan's fingers trembled slightly as she read the words that described, in meticulous detail, the workings of a woman's body—subjects that had been completely shielded from her throughout her life. Menstruation, sexual relations, pregnancy, and motherhood were all discussed openly, with a frankness that felt almost scandalous in its clarity.
It was rare for a woman of noble birth to have access to such information, let alone for it to be so readily available in a book. The knowledge was typically reserved for men, or for those with less distinguished backgrounds, and women like her—who were carefully prepared for marriage and the role of a dutiful wife—were expected to remain ignorant of the more intimate aspects of life.
Mikan felt a strange mixture of emotions as she absorbed the contents of the book. Embarrassment, curiosity, and a deep sense of unease all tangled within her. It was one thing to know that such things existed, but to read about them so openly, to see them explained in such detail— it was like crossing an invisible boundary she hadn't even known existed.
She paused, turning the pages slowly as she read further. There was something deeply private about this knowledge, something that felt almost forbidden. Yet, there was also a sense of relief, as if the veil of ignorance she had worn for so long was finally being lifted.
As Mikan continued to read, she found herself lost in the pages, her mind racing with the implications of it all. This knowledge, this book—it had the power to shape the woman she was becoming, to define her role in the future she was about to step into. But more than that, it forced her to confront a side of life she had never considered, a side she would soon be expected to understand intimately.
With a sigh, Mikan closed the book for the night, the weight of its contents settling heavily in her chest. She placed it carefully on her bedside table, but the thoughts it had stirred lingered in her mind, refusing to leave.
As she lay back on her pillow, her eyes wandered to the ceiling, lost in thought. The lessons she had learned today were only the beginning. There would be more to come, and soon, she would have to face it all—no longer a girl, but a woman, stepping into her new life as a duchess, wife, and mother-to-be.
For now, though, she let the silence of the night envelop her, hoping for a restful sleep before the inevitable day ahead.
Mikan had finished reading the book in three nights. Each evening, as the house grew quiet and the weight of her upcoming responsibilities pressed on her, she returned to its pages, her curiosity outweighing her hesitation. By the time she reached the final chapter, she felt as though she had unlocked a hidden world—one that had always been just out of reach.
She had learned so much that she could hardly believe it. All that time spent in ignorance now made sense; the gaps in her understanding of herself and the world around her were slowly being filled. The section on menstruation, while familiar, had surprised her with its depth. She had endured her monthly cycles for years, yet she had never truly understood their purpose beyond the vague reassurances of her governess. Now, she could see the intricate role they played in a woman's body, their connection to life and motherhood.
The chapters on pregnancy and motherhood, however, had been the most moving. Mikan had read them with wide eyes and a growing sense of awe. The descriptions of how life began and grew within a woman were both terrifying and beautiful. She found herself feeling both daunted and inspired by the sheer magnitude of it all. The thought of one day carrying a child of her own was one she hadn't dwelled on before, but now it lingered in the back of her mind, a quiet and profound possibility.
Yet it was the section on sexual relations that lingered with her most of all. Mikan could barely think of it without her cheeks growing warm. She had never been exposed to such explicit information, and the frankness of the text had caught her entirely off guard. Each sentence she read seemed to reveal something new, something she hadn't even considered. She had never imagined there were so many facets to such an intimate act.
Her blush deepened as she recalled certain passages that described, in surprising detail, the nature of physical intimacy. There had been explanations of how to connect with one's husband, the importance of mutual understanding, and, most shockingly, various positions that couples might explore. Mikan had set the book down more than once, her hands trembling slightly as she tried to compose herself. The words felt scandalous, yet she couldn't stop reading.
During the day, the knowledge stayed with her, unbidden thoughts flitting through her mind at the most inconvenient moments. A word or a phrase would resurface, and suddenly her cheeks would turn a delicate shade of pink, much to her own frustration. She couldn't confide in anyone about it—not even her closest companions. The book was meant to prepare her for marriage, and she knew she must keep its contents private.
Still, she couldn't help but wonder if other young women had been as unprepared as she had been, stepping into their marriages with only half the understanding they needed. Now, she felt she carried a secret, one that set her apart even from her peers. The knowledge was empowering, even as it left her flustered, and she resolved to approach her new role with the grace and dignity expected of her.
Even as she tried to focus on her wedding preparations and her usual routine, Mikan found her thoughts drifting back to the book. It had planted seeds of curiosity and awareness within her—seeds she couldn't ignore, no matter how hard she tried.