In the fantasy I've been waiting for every day
Since reading the book, Mikan found her thoughts increasingly consumed by the idea of her wedding night. Now equipped with knowledge she had never had before, she couldn't stop her imagination from wandering. Her cheeks often flushed pink as vivid, unbidden images crept into her mind. In the privacy of her room, her hands would unconsciously twist a strand of her hair, and her gaze would drift out the window, lost in thoughts she couldn't quite articulate.
At the tea rooms with the girls, Mikan struggled to keep her composure. The conversations were lively, often veering toward her upcoming nuptials, and Mikan worked tirelessly to steer them toward safer topics—flowers, menus, or the guest list. But inevitably, someone would giggle and bring up the wedding night, and Mikan's carefully crafted facade would falter for a split second. She forced herself to laugh along with them, masking the nervous flutter that now lived in her chest.
The hardest moments, however, were during her weekly meetings with Natsume. Sitting across from him in the serene glass palace of the garden, Mikan found herself more self-conscious than ever before. His piercing gaze, which she had once thought stern and indifferent, now seemed to carry a weight that made her heart race. She didn't know if it was her own heightened awareness or if something in him had subtly shifted, but the air between them felt heavier, more charged.
Her shyness during these encounters was entirely foreign to her. For years, she had met with Natsume without so much as a flutter of nerves. Their conversations had always been polite, efficient, and devoid of deeper sentiment. Now, however, she found herself second-guessing every word, every gesture. She carefully maintained her posture and adhered to the strict etiquette ingrained in her since childhood, ensuring that no one—not even Natsume—would notice the turmoil brewing within her.
And yet, there were moments when her mind betrayed her, conjuring images from the book as she observed the way he stirred his tea or the faint smirk that played on his lips when he made a dry comment. She would quickly chastise herself, refocusing on the conversation at hand, but the warmth in her cheeks lingered long after.
The days crept closer to the wedding, and with each passing moment, Mikan felt the dual pull of excitement and apprehension. Her life was about to change irrevocably, and while she had no doubts about her path, the unknown that awaited her still made her pulse quicken.
The morning of the wedding dawned with a quiet stillness, the kind that seemed to hold its breath before the chaos of a grand event. The sun had just begun to rise, casting a soft golden light through the windows of the Marquis' mansion. Mikan awoke to the sound of soft footsteps and hushed whispers outside her door, the household already abuzz with preparations.
Her personal maid, Rika, entered the room with a gentle smile, carrying a silver tray with tea and light pastries.
"Good morning, my lady," Rika said softly, setting the tray down on a small table by the window. "Today is the day."
Mikan sat up in bed, her heart fluttering at the words. She had known this day was coming, had prepared for it meticulously, yet the weight of it all now settled fully on her shoulders. She offered Rika a small smile and took the tea, the warmth of the cup grounding her as she sipped.
The morning moved swiftly from there. A team of attendants arrived to prepare her, their chatter blending into a harmonious hum as they set to work. Her bath was drawn with rose petals and scented oils, the water warm and calming against her skin. Afterward, Mikan was dressed in a delicate robe while her hair was arranged in an intricate updo, adorned with pearls and fine gold pins.
As she sat before the mirror, the first of her two wedding dresses was brought in—a vision of white silk and lace that shimmered faintly in the morning light. It was the dress she would wear for the ceremony, designed to symbolize purity and elegance. The gown's fitted bodice and long train were adorned with delicate floral embroidery, a masterpiece crafted over months by the finest seamstresses in the kingdom.
"Do you feel nervous, my lady?" Rika asked as she adjusted the final pin in Mikan's hair.
Mikan hesitated for a moment before shaking her head lightly. "No, not nervous," she said, though her voice was soft. "Everything has been so carefully planned... I only hope I can meet everyone's expectations."
Rika placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "You will, my lady. And more than that, you will be a wonderful duchess. The entire kingdom knows it."
Mikan nodded, her gaze drifting back to her reflection. She looked every bit the part of a bride, her face calm and poised, though her heart beat faster with each passing moment.
A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts, and one of the attendants stepped in to announce that the carriage to the cathedral would soon be ready. The final flurry of preparations began, her veil carefully draped and her gloves slipped on with precision.
As she rose to her feet, fully dressed, Mikan felt the gravity of the day settle over her. This was the moment she had been groomed for, the culmination of years of preparation. Taking a deep breath, she straightened her posture and allowed herself to be guided toward the grand entrance of the mansion, where her uncle waited to escort her to the ceremony.
The morning light was brighter now, spilling over the courtyard as the carriage awaited her. The sounds of the bustling staff faded into the background as Mikan stepped outside, her dress shimmering in the sunlight.
The grand cathedral stood like a sentinel of history, its tall spires reaching for the heavens as sunlight glinted off the intricate stained glass windows. As the carriage rolled through the bustling streets of the capital, Mikan gazed out of the window, her gloved hands folded neatly in her lap. Crowds had gathered to witness the procession, cheering and throwing petals in celebration. The sound of their joyous voices filled the air, though Mikan remained calm, her training helping her mask the whirlwind of emotions within.
Beside her, the Marquis Yukihira sat with quiet dignity, his hand resting lightly on hers in a rare display of affection. "This is your day, Mikan," he said, his voice firm yet warm. "The entire kingdom celebrates not just your union, but the future you will shape as Duchess."
Mikan offered him a small, composed smile, her response measured. "Thank you, Uncle. I will do my best to uphold the family's honor."
The carriage came to a smooth stop in front of the cathedral steps, where a line of guards and attendants awaited her arrival. The Marquis stepped out first, extending his hand to help Mikan descend. The crowd erupted into cheers as she appeared, the light catching the delicate embroidery of her gown, making it shimmer like frost in the morning sun.
The cathedral's doors opened, revealing the long aisle that stretched toward the altar, lined with towering arrangements of white lilies and roses. Natsume stood at the far end, his figure poised and statuesque in a tailored ceremonial suit of deep crimson and gold. He looked every bit the future Duke, his expression calm yet unreadable.
Mikan took a deep breath as her uncle linked his arm with hers, guiding her up the steps and into the grand space. The sound of the organ filled the air, a majestic melody that resonated through the high vaulted ceilings. As she walked down the aisle, all eyes were on her, the weight of tradition and expectation palpable in the air.
Her gaze briefly met Natsume's as she approached, his crimson eyes reflecting something she couldn't quite decipher. Yet there was a mutual understanding between them, a shared resolve to fulfill the roles they had been raised to embody.
The ceremony began, the priest's voice echoing through the cathedral as vows were exchanged. Each word was steeped in tradition, the promises binding them not just to one another but to their duties as stewards of the duchy.
When it was time to place the rings, Natsume's hands were steady as he slipped the band onto Mikan's finger. She followed suit, her movements deliberate and precise, her mind focused on the gravity of the moment.
Finally, the priest declared them husband and wife. Natsume turned to Mikan, his expression softening ever so slightly. With deliberate care, he reached up and lifted the delicate veil from her face, revealing her features to the gathered witnesses. His crimson eyes lingered on hers for a brief moment, a subtle acknowledgment passing between them. Then, he leaned in, his lips brushing hers in a brief, chaste kiss that sealed their union before the kingdom. The cathedral erupted in applause, the sound reverberating through its hallowed halls.
As the applause resounded around them, Mikan and Natsume turned to face the crowd, their hands joined in a symbol of unity. The sea of nobles and dignitaries rose from their seats, bowing respectfully as the couple began their walk down the aisle.
Mikan kept her posture graceful and composed, the weight of her gown a reminder of the significance of this moment. She could feel Natsume's steady presence beside her, his hand warm against hers. Though they spoke no words, their shared purpose felt unspoken but clear — this was the beginning of their partnership, a role they had both been preparing for their entire lives.
As they exited the cathedral, the jubilant crowd outside greeted them with cheers and more flower petals, creating a cascade of white and pastel colors that swirled in the light breeze. The bells continued their celebratory chime, their deep, resonant tones carrying far across the capital.
The carriage awaited them at the bottom of the grand steps, and the footmen opened the door as they approached. Natsume helped Mikan step inside before following her, the cheers of the crowd growing faint as the doors closed behind them.
For the first time that day, they were alone. The sound of the carriage wheels rolling across the cobblestones filled the space as they made their way to the reception at the Hyuga estate.
Mikan glanced at Natsume, unsure if she should break the silence. He seemed as composed as ever, his gaze focused out the window. After a moment, he turned his head slightly, catching her eyes.
"You handled the ceremony well," he said simply, his tone neutral but not unkind.
"Thank you," Mikan replied, her voice equally measured. "It was a significant moment."
He gave a faint nod, his crimson eyes softening just slightly. "It was. From here on, the responsibilities will only grow."
"I am ready," she said, her words steady with conviction.
Their conversation was brief, but it carried the weight of mutual understanding. As the carriage turned onto the estate's grounds, the grandeur of the Hyuga manor came into view. Guests were already arriving, their carriages lining the path to the sprawling gardens where the reception was set to take place.
The sight was breathtaking — rows of tables draped in fine linens, adorned with floral arrangements and gold-trimmed tableware. Musicians played soft melodies, and the smell of fresh blooms mingled with the warm afternoon air.
Mikan took a deep breath as the carriage came to a stop. Natsume stepped out first, offering her his hand to descend. They stood together for a moment, taking in the spectacle of the celebration that awaited them.
"Shall we?" Natsume asked, his voice low.
Mikan nodded, slipping her hand into the crook of his arm as they walked toward the waiting crowd, ready to embrace the roles they had been destined to fulfill.
The carriage slowed as it pulled into the grand Hyuga manor, its polished stone façade glinting in the sunlight. Servants stood ready to receive the couple, bowing as the carriage door opened. Natsume stepped out first, extending a hand to help Mikan descend. The applause from the crowd outside faded as they entered the manor, leaving behind the lively commotion of the arriving guests.
Inside, the atmosphere was calm yet bustling with preparation. A steward approached, bowing deeply. "Your Grace, My Lady, your chambers are ready for you to change into your reception attire."
Natsume gave a curt nod, and the two were escorted down separate hallways. Mikan's attendant, Rika, waited for her in a lavishly adorned suite.
"The second dress is ready, my lady," Rika said, motioning toward the elegant gown displayed on a mannequin. It was a breathtaking piece, crafted in a softer ivory than her ceremonial dress, with intricate embroidery of gold threads and pearls that shimmered in the light. The design was lighter and more fluid, allowing for movement during the festivities.
Mikan let out a small breath as Rika helped her out of the first gown and into the second. The fabric hugged her frame delicately, and when Rika adjusted the final clasp at the back, Mikan turned to face the full-length mirror.
"You look stunning, my lady," Rika said with a proud smile.
Mikan offered a soft nod, her expression composed despite the whirlwind of emotions swirling within her. "Thank you, Rika."
Meanwhile, Natsume was in his own chamber, assisted by his valet. His new suit was white with gold accents, the tailored fit emphasizing his stature. Gold embroidery traced the cuffs and lapels, and a ceremonial sash completed the look. He glanced at himself in the mirror briefly, then signaled to the valet that he was ready.
Once dressed, both Mikan and Natsume were escorted separately to the grand ballroom. They met at the top of the sweeping staircase, where applause erupted from the gathered guests below.
As Mikan and Natsume descended the grand staircase, the applause swelled to a crescendo, echoing throughout the ballroom. Mikan's gaze swept over the elegantly dressed guests below, their faces a mixture of admiration and excitement. Among the crowd, her eyes naturally gravitated to the familiar figures of her closest friends.
Hotaru stood with her usual composed demeanor, offering Mikan the faintest of approving nods. Anna was beside her, her face lighting up with a warm smile, and next to them was Princess Nonoko, radiant in a gown that symbolized her royal status. Her tiara gleamed under the golden chandeliers, a subtle reminder of her elevated position in the kingdom.
When their eyes met, Nonoko gave Mikan a knowing smile, the kind that spoke volumes without words. There was pride in her expression, not just for Mikan as a friend but also for the role she now officially assumed as Duchess Hyuga. It was a silent acknowledgment of the alliance between them, an unspoken promise of continued support in both friendship and shared purpose.
Mikan dipped her head slightly in deference to the princess, a gesture that blended respect and camaraderie. Nonoko's smile widened, a flicker of warmth breaking through the regal exterior she maintained in public.
By her side, Natsume's expression remained neutral, though his posture reflected the poise expected of a duke. As they reached the bottom of the staircase, they were greeted by the head steward, who bowed deeply and announced their arrival to the assembled guests.
"His Grace, the Duke of Hyuga, and Her Grace, the Duchess of Hyuga."
The room erupted in another round of applause, and Mikan, with Natsume at her side, stepped forward to officially greet the room, her heart steady despite the magnitude of the moment.
The grand ballroom buzzed with life as the newlyweds moved gracefully through the room, greeting guests who had gathered to celebrate their union. Mikan maintained a serene smile, her every movement a picture of elegance and composure. Beside her, Natsume carried himself with quiet authority, offering polite nods and the occasional word to the guests.
After an hour of mingling, the couple was guided to the head table at the front of the ballroom, positioned beneath a grand floral arch adorned with roses and golden ivy. As they sat, the first course of the evening was announced, and a symphony of silverware and soft conversation filled the room.
Mikan's eyes wandered across the ballroom as the guests enjoyed their meals. She couldn't help but find her gaze returning to her friends. Hotaru, Anna, and Princess Nonoko were seated together at a nearby table, engaged in conversation. Hotaru occasionally glanced Mikan's way, her sharp eyes taking in every detail, while Anna offered her a cheerful wave when their eyes met. Princess Nonoko, ever the picture of poise, raised her glass in a subtle toast, her gaze steady and encouraging.
The meal progressed with grandeur, each course a masterpiece of culinary art. As dessert was served—an intricate confection of sugared flowers and spun gold—a steward approached the head table to announce the next event of the evening.
"The first dance, Your Graces," he said with a bow.
Mikan turned to Natsume, her heart fluttering ever so slightly. He stood and offered her his hand, his expression as calm as ever, though his crimson eyes held a glimmer of something softer.
Taking his hand, Mikan allowed herself to be led to the center of the ballroom. The music began—a gentle waltz played by a string quartet positioned on a balcony above. Natsume placed a hand lightly on her waist, guiding her into the first steps.
The world around them seemed to blur as they moved in perfect rhythm, the swish of her gown and the polished click of his shoes blending seamlessly with the melody. Though their words were few, their movements spoke volumes, a quiet harmony forged over years of shared responsibilities and unspoken understanding.
As the dance concluded, the guests erupted into applause, the sound echoing warmly through the grand space. Other couples began to join them on the floor, but for a fleeting moment, Mikan and Natsume remained at the center, their gazes briefly meeting in mutual acknowledgment.
The evening unfolded into a blur of dances, laughter, and toasts. Despite the formalities, Mikan found moments of joy in the company of her friends, who took turns sneaking her away for brief conversations.
As the clock struck midnight, signaling the final hours of the reception, Mikan felt the weight of the day settling on her shoulders. Yet, beneath the exhaustion was a quiet sense of accomplishment. The day had been a success, her first steps as Duchess taken with grace and resolve.
At last, Natsume returned to her side, his presence grounding her amid the grandeur. "Are you ready to leave?" he asked, his voice low enough to be heard only by her.
Mikan nodded, her smile soft but genuine. Together, they bid farewell to the guests before slipping away into the quiet night, leaving the glow of the ballroom behind.
As the last of the guests slowly departed, the grand ballroom began to empty, the echo of laughter and music fading into the distance. Mikan's smile lingered, though there was an undeniable tension in the air. The day had been full of celebrations, but now, the evening stretched before her with a quiet anticipation that only grew with each passing moment.
Natsume, ever composed, guided Mikan toward a private suite prepared for the evening. Their hands, which had remained formally clasped throughout the reception, were now free, though the space between them seemed to widen with every step they took.
The room was dimly lit by candles, the soft flickering light casting gentle shadows on the walls. Mikan stood by the door for a moment, her heart pounding in her chest, though she tried to maintain her calm. She had been trained for this day—trained for all that it entailed—but now, as she stood on the threshold of this new chapter, it all felt infinitely more real.
Rika, the maid who had been by her side throughout the day, stepped forward from the corner of the room. She had been waiting to help Mikan prepare for the night, ensuring that everything was in place. Mikan had given the maid a polite nod earlier, but now, she couldn't help but feel the weight of the moment.
"Your Grace, I will prepare your bath and attire for the evening," Rika said, her tone soft and respectful.
Mikan nodded. "Thank you, Rika. I will be ready in a moment."
As the maid went about her work, Mikan made her way to the attached bathroom, her gaze flickering to the ornate mirror. For a moment, she didn't recognize the woman staring back at her—the Duchess of Hyuga, the wife of Natsume Hyuga. She had spent years preparing for this moment, but now that it had arrived, she was uncertain about how to proceed. There was a curious sense of calm that had settled over her, but beneath it, a quiet tremor of nervousness remained.
Rika helped her undress, the soft rustle of fabric filling the air as the delicate wedding gown was carefully removed. Mikan stepped into the steaming bath prepared for her, the warm water soothing her tense muscles. As she sank into the tub, her thoughts drifted again to the wedding day, to the ceremony, to the kiss shared with Natsume.
Yet, her mind kept returning to the book she had read, the one her uncle had given her. The information she had learned seemed both distant and vivid now—moments from the pages flashing before her eyes, filling her with a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty. She couldn't help but wonder if it would all come to life tonight.
Rika returned after a while, assisting Mikan as she dried and changed into a soft, silk nightgown. The gown was simple yet elegant, just as expected for the wedding night. Mikan's fingers brushed over the delicate fabric, feeling the coolness of the silk against her skin. She looked down at her hands, her nerves returning in small waves.
"I'm ready," she said quietly, her voice almost a whisper.
Rika smiled, though there was a slight sadness in her eyes as she began to leave the room.
"If you need anything, Your Grace, I will be just outside."
Mikan nodded, though she didn't know what she would need, if anything.
Alone now, she turned back to the large bed draped with silks and satin, the soft glow of the candles casting a romantic, yet haunting, atmosphere over the room. As the clock ticked away in the distance, Mikan could hear the faint sounds of the wind outside, the quiet hum of the night. The anticipation in her chest was palpable. Soon, Natsume would come to join her.
When he did, she would be his wife in more than just name. She would be bound to him, their roles as Duke and Duchess a reflection of their duties to the realm, to their people. But beneath the titles, they were still just two people, stepping into the unknown.
The door creaked softly, announcing the arrival of Natsume. He entered the room with the same measured calm he always carried, his gaze briefly flicking over Mikan as he closed the door behind him. The soft light from the candles illuminated his features, casting his sharp profile in a golden glow. His expression was unreadable, but there was a tension in his posture, a quiet energy that hinted at the significance of this moment.
Mikan sat up slightly on the bed, smoothing the silk of her nightgown nervously as she watched him. He was dressed in a formal black suit, his jacket was unbuttoned and the collar unfastened, his posture slightly more relaxed yet still dignified.
"Good evening," he said, his voice steady but carrying an undertone of something deeper, something unspoken.
Mikan nodded, her heart fluttering at the sound of his voice, even though it was something she had heard countless times before. There was a quiet intimacy in the air, an unspoken understanding that tonight marked the beginning of their married life.
"You look beautiful," he added after a brief silence, his eyes briefly flicking over her form. It was a comment that seemed to have little to do with the woman she had been moments ago, dressed in her wedding gown, and more to do with the woman who now sat before him, vulnerable yet dignified in her simplicity.
"Thank you," Mikan replied softly, though the words felt almost foreign on her tongue. She had been complimented countless times during the wedding, but in this intimate moment, it felt different, more profound.
There was a long pause between them, a silence filled with the weight of the night, and neither seemed to know what to say next. Mikan could feel her hands trembling slightly, and her mind raced back to the lessons of the book. She had read everything, absorbed the information, but this was real—this was happening.
Natsume stepped closer, his footsteps soundless on the soft carpet. He stopped just a few feet away, his gaze shifting to hers. Mikan could feel the space between them closing, and for a moment, she wondered if this was the moment he would speak again, or if they would remain here in this fragile stillness.
Slowly, Natsume reached forward, his fingers brushing lightly against the strands of her hair. His touch was gentle, almost hesitant.
"I never expected this day to come so quickly," he said quietly, almost to himself. "But now, I don't know what to do either."
His words were simple, but they carried a weight of vulnerability that Mikan wasn't used to hearing from him. Natsume, always the composed, distant figure, was admitting something that she hadn't expected. Perhaps, in his own way, he was as uncertain about this night as she was.
Mikan smiled softly, a small, reassuring gesture. "We'll figure it out," she said, her voice steady despite the uncertainty swirling inside her. "Together."
At her words, Natsume gave a slight nod, the tension in his shoulders relaxing just a fraction. He walked over to Mikan, sitting down next to her on the bed, his movements slow and deliberate. There was a moment of quiet between them, where neither spoke, neither moved, as if they were both savoring this strange new intimacy that had settled between them.
Finally, Natsume turned to face her, his eyes softening slightly. "I'm not sure what the future holds for us," he said, his voice sincere. "But I do know one thing: I'll do my best to make it work."
Mikan's heart fluttered at his words. She had expected something more formal, more detached, but instead, he had given her a glimpse into his own thoughts, his own uncertainties.
"I believe you," she whispered, her voice filled with quiet warmth.
And with that, the distance between them seemed to vanish completely. Their eyes locked, and in that moment, all the hesitation, all the uncertainty, melted away. There was only the now, only the two of them, bound by the promises they had made and the future they would build together.
Natsume moved closer, his hand gently cupping her face, his thumb brushing against her skin in a tender motion. Slowly, as if to savor the moment, he leaned in, his lips meeting hers in a kiss that was soft, hesitant at first, but growing more certain as it continued.
The kiss deepened gradually, and Mikan found herself responding to him, her body relaxing into the closeness. The weight of the evening, the anticipation of the day, and the finality of the vows they had just exchanged seemed to dissolve in the warmth of the moment. For a brief second, all the formalities of their roles, the duty they both carried, melted away, leaving only the shared connection between them.
When they finally pulled apart, both of them were a little breathless. Mikan's heart raced, but it wasn't from fear or nervousness. It was something different—a flutter, a new sensation that she couldn't fully place.
Natsume smiled softly, his fingers brushing a stray lock of Mikan's hair behind her ear before his hand lingered, gently cupping her cheek. He leaned in, kissing her once more, this time with more confidence, as if the uncertainty had dissolved. Mikan placed her hands gently against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, while he intertwined his fingers with hers, holding her hand close to his heart.
They pulled apart, and Natsume carefully helped Mikan lie in the center of the bed, her back resting against the soft mattress. For a few moments, they simply gazed at each other, the silence between them comfortable yet charged with unspoken emotions. Then, as if drawn together by an invisible force, they kissed again, their hands tentatively exploring, each touch gentle and filled with curiosity.
Natsume's hand moved slowly down to Mikan's right breast, which he touched tenderly. She felt her cheeks flush and looked away, embarrassed. Natsume noticed her discomfort and whispered softly that if he hurt her, she should tell him right away. Mikan looked at Natsume again before nodding.
He continued to gently touch her, his hands lingering for a moment before he stood up to remove his shirt. He glanced back at Mikan, who, with a slightly shy expression, began to lift the hem of her nightgown. He offered her a reassuring smile, silently encouraging her. Noticing her difficulty with the neckline, he moved closer, carefully placing a hand beneath her back to support her as she sat up, helping her slip out of the garment with tenderness.
The two of them lay down again, Mikan now stripped of all her clothes. She placed her hands on her face, hiding the blush that was appearing. Natsume contemplated her body for a few seconds, before removing both her hands from her face and holding them tightly with his own. He gently kissed her forehead, before rising again to undress completely. After all, if they were both naked, would they be less embarrassed?
Once undressed, he returned to his position above Mikan, still seemingly trying to avoid his gaze. He softly caressed her cheek, trying to reassure her as best as he could. He then delicately took Mikan's legs, spreading them a little wider so that he could get between them. Mikan raised her eyes to Natsume's, nodding to indicate that she was ready.
Natsume positioned himself, carefully moving his pelvis against her. Mikan remained silent, simply observing what he was doing. Once he was fully inside her, Natsume sighed. He glanced at Mikan, who seemed to be fine, smiling at him. She lifted her pelvis slightly, as if to indicate that he should move, which he soon did.
The breathing of both accelerated, progressively following the movement of their pelvises. Mikan wrapped her arms around Natsume's neck, her face buried in his neck. Memories of the book came flooding back, and she couldn't help but let a smile appear on her lips. It was better than she had hoped, after all.
For Mikan, everything else seemed to melt away, leaving only the comforting warmth of Natsume's embrace. In that moment, there was a sense of quiet certainty—a promise of a fresh start and the unspoken assurance that, together, they would navigate whatever the future held.