Despite all these years, these regal robes never felt quite right to Hama. They were stiff and oozing an air of luxury with every stitch. The hair piece on her head felt heavy from bearing the weight of her burdens and she could never get used to the amount of makeup she wore nowadays. She felt fake…it all felt so fake…like this wasn't truly her…
Deep inside, she wished to tear it off and adorn the comforts of her old parka that she lost years ago.
And yet, the life she was living was what most women in the Fire Nation would kill for. A life of prosperity with servants at her beck and call to serve her every need.
Hama wouldn't deny the convenience was nice. Was she comfortable? By all means, yes. She had a full stomach, her needs were cared for and she slept in a bed with the warmest sheets made of pure silk.
The true question was…was she happy? Happiness is an emotion Hama sparsely felt ever since she was stolen away from her home in the South. Even after her escape, happiness wasn't the priority, revenge was…
She dryly chuckled to herself. Revenge….it was her obsession since the moment she found herself locked away in that cramped cell, swearing retribution against the nation that tore her away from her home, ruined the lives of her tribe and countless others…
The Fire Nation hurt her…and she wanted to hurt them back. Hama could've gone for the easy targets like villagers…but she desired a more personal kind of revenge. Targeting civilians would be easy…but it'd be unfulfilling. No…she desired to drive the dagger into the heart of the Nation itself, killing their leader would've sufficed and earned her some personal retribution in the process…
It was a dangerous task…but at the time she was blinded by the prospect of reprisal was too intense to ignore and she figured if she failed, she'd at least die trying to avenge her people.
To her surprise, getting inside the Fire Nation Palace wasn't the hard part. It just required a fancy dress and some makeup, but Azulon was known for plucking out concubines after the death of his old wife. Figures Azulon was still a man despite his position of power…
Still it was a window of opportunity and she slid right inside the palace walls without so much as a hitch.
No…the hard part was getting to Azulon himself and getting out in one piece. It was tempting to kill him the first night she slept with him, but it'd be too obvious and she didn't want to risk failure without the full moon.
The ideal plan around this was to bide her time and gain his trust so she could kill him. Hama recoiled inside anytime he touched her, but the prospect of revenge made it easier to put her personal feelings about Azulon aside. She was stand-offish with him despite her engagement and that seemed to somehow make him more interested much to her chagrin. Perhaps being surrounded by women who fell over heels for him made him eager a new reaction.
Over time they got closer…at first Hama was engaging purely to assess any weaknesses or potential kill-shots that she could've gotten away with…but over time she found herself hesitating. There were windows of opportunity she could've killed Azulon in private…yet she always found an excuse around it.
Hesitation was not what she expected to experience. It should've been easy…yet getting close to Azulon must've messed up her game because she ended up feeling…something towards him. It disgusted her inside and she tried to bury it, throw it out, but it wouldn't leave. It was like a stain she couldn't wash off and it infuriated her to no end….
Unfortunately Hama soon learned that indecision came at a heavy price as one day when she was feeding the turtle ducks, Azulon approached. She hadn't even noticed he was there until she felt his calloused hands on her shoulders. Bastard scared her and he had the smuggest smile on his face about it as he chuckled at her bewildered reaction.
"You're so easy to scare…" He sneered before glancing down at her,"Feeding the turtle ducks, hm? You seem awfully fond of those creatures…"
"They're cute…" She admitted as she fed some bread to an adult turtle duck by breaking off a piece.
The duck quaker before taking the bread, grateful as it swam away.
"Indeed they are…" He mused, yet his eyes were fixed on her.
Hama felt an uneasy feeling but brushed it off as she remained cordial with the tyrant. It wasn't the first time Azulon hung around her without seeking intimacy, it was a regular thing at that point.
"You know you're probably making the other concubines jealous hanging around me like this."
Azulon tsked, dismissively waving his hand,"Bah. Let them. Their opinions are of no concern to me. Besides..I need to talk to you anyway."
Hama freezed up, it was paranoia talking but there were times she pondered if he suspected her,"About?"
"About us…this thing we have between us," He started, almost as if trying to gather himself properly,"You know Hama, ever since I laid eyes on you there was something different about you. You weren't like all the others who groveled at my feet. Your mannerisms were a tad surprising but refreshing. You know you're one of the few people who treat me as a person rather than a figure to fear or worship."
Hama was silent, not certain how to react.
He sighed,"Hama, I don't talk about this with anyone else…but I trust you and I need to get this feeling off my chest. My wife died years ago when Ozai was born…and a part of me died with her." He clenched his fist.
"I'm sorry for your loss," She said cordially.
"Thank you…" Azulon said,"I…loved her, Hama. I felt so destroyed, I didn't think I could go on and yet I did, though it wasn't without its scars. My heart felt empty and in an effort to satiate the gaping hole her death left me, I sought intimacy to fill the void. It wasn't a perfect solution, more of a distraction from the pain. A warm body provided temporary relief in the moment before afterwards I felt empty and frustrated yet I resigned myself to this feeling…Until you came along."
"Azulon, I don't understand…" She trailed off, feeling a sense of uneasiness at his words, a pit forming in her stomach that threatened to swallow her whole.
The Fire Lord sneered,"Oh please, Hama, you're a clever woman. Can't you see the way my heart beats for you? The way you brighten my world?" He held her hands within his, his grip unyielding yet not hurting all the same.
Hama felt a wave of dread wash over. Of all things he could've said, this was without a doubt the last thing she wanted to hear. She knew Azulon was attached to her but she had been living in denial in hopes it was just lust…not this…
"Azulon, I…I don't know what to say…"
"Rendered you speechless have I? And to think I'm not even done yet…"
"What do you mean?"
Azulon reached into his robes before presenting an amber crescent hair piece,"Hama, be my Fire Lady."
To the water bender, all time seemed to stop in that moment. Azulon dropped the ultimate bombshell on her and she was left reeling.
The idea of marriage wasn't something Hama ever thought too deeply of. It was expected in the South for women to get married, though it was never her main priority. She simply figured she'd work on it when a man expressed enough interest to pursue a committed relationship.
After being captured, the idea of romance to her was nothing more than a passing 'what if' scenario. Falling in love simply hadn't aligned with her life circumstances or her ambitions.
Even if she dared to admit she felt something towards Azulon, his heinous actions towards her people made the idea of a union between them intolerable. Just the thought made her stomach turn.
Still she tried to politely decline the offering, of only for the sake of civility.
"Azulon, I am flattered by your proposal, however I am going to have to decline the offer. Surely there are more…compatible women for you to choose from."
Azulon's expression faltered for a moment at this rejection, as if he hadn't expected her refusal. His golden eyes narrowed at this refusal, as if someone dismissing his desires was unheard of.
It took a moment for Azulon to regain his composure, yet when he recomposed himself, his attitude took a disturbing turn, a small smirk crawling on his face. A sinister chuckle escaped his lips, sending chills down Hama's spine.
"Oh Hama…my dear Fire Lily…" He purred,"I believe you might've misunderstood me. Allow me to enlighten you…" Azulon's voice was sickeningly sweet yet the underlying threat and fury was there behind the veil of calmness,"It's not a request, Hama…I was simply trying to be polite but it seems you didn't quite get the memo that this was not a choice…"
Hama felt her blood run cold as the realization dawned on her. Then again, Azulon's prior words didn't exactly entail a 'yes or no' wasn't even a typical marriage proposal. She heard when Kanna told her Pakku wanted to marry her, he asked, 'Will you marry me'.
Azulon on the other hand, wasn't even pretending to give Hama the illusion of choice. His words lacked ambiguity. It was less of a marriage proposal and more of a demand if anything.
Hama cursed herself, her hesitation got her trapped and Azulon had found the perfect way to tie the noose around the neck over her fate. Hama knew he was probably already planning the ceremony on this point,and she had the feeling Azulon would drag kicking and screaming to the reception if he had to.
"Now let's try this again," Azulon started,"Will you be my Fire Lady?" He asked, as though she had a choice in the matter.
She swallowed a breath she didn't know she was holding before reluctantly nodding,"Yes, Azulon…I will…"
Azulon's smile widened at her acceptance,"I'm glad you see it my way, my dear…" He then adorned the hair piece onto her bun as his hands before embracing her in a hug. Even though his grip was gentle, Hama felt suffocating in his robes, her gaze averting as Azulon held her close, his clothes smelling like scorch and brimstone.
It felt like she was embracing the devil himself…and frankly she figured at this point, she may as well have been.
Wedding days were supposed to be the happiest days of a girl's life. Hama didn't share this sentimentality, at best feeling resigned about the whole event. She had been awoken early to prepare for the occasion, maids descended upon her like droves with makeup and hair products as she was thrown into a fitted white gown with fire nation symbols.
Despite the plethora of people around, Hama felt truly alone. The wedding consisted of upper class nobles, no doubt all of whom were a part of Azulon's inner circle.
Everyone's eyes were on her, she could hear their whispers of judgement though she kept her head held high despite the less than ideal circumstances. She couldn't show weakness before the public, it was shameful enough to be married off like this, she'd be damned if she let the Fire Nation know it. She dragged herself to the altar, each step further cementing her fate.
Azulon was dressed in a different uniform for the occasion, yet sharp as ever. His smile never waned, glancing at her with desire and affection, much to her chagrin. She forced herself to remain neutral despite the pit in her stomach.
As the priest began to recite the wedding vows, Hana's eyes glanced at her dress, a mixture of white, red and hints of gold. White was a peculiar color to a wedding for her, as in the South, they only wore white when it was time to bury the dead…
Then again, Hama figured her freedom was 'dying' today, so perhaps the color wasn't too far off from the occasion.
Her attention returned to the event at hand when the priest asked,"Lady Hama, do you take Azulon to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to cherish him, for better or worse, to poorer to richer and through sickness and health and until death do you part?"
Ironic given she had started this whole thing trying to kill Azulon…and now she was swearing to stay with him for life.
"I do," The words came out stiff and automatic, almost like she was a robot. Thankfully neither Azulon didn't notice or care, as he remained joyful over the occasion as though nothing was wrong in this world.
"You may now kiss the bride," The Priest proclaimed.
That was all the invitation Azulon needed as he leapt upon her, gripping her chin as he kissed her passionately. His lips were like hellfire, threatening to consume her whole. Hama closed her eyes in acceptance, returning the kiss reluctantly. Cheers and roars of excitement were heard from the audience, yet Hama tuned them out in favor of her own internal musings.
When the main event died down, they were allowed to feast. Hama had never seen so much food prepared in her entire life and it felt rather overwhelming. As she sat at the table with Azulon, she felt a particular gaze upon her. She turned her head and saw a young man at the table nearby.
He looked to be in his early mid-twenties, having a small bit of facial hair under his chin with long dark brown hair. He seemed a tad pudgy and looked uneasy. Beside him was a younger child, no older than six with long raven hair with a confused expression.
"Azulon, who are those two?" Hama inquired as she sipped on her drink. It tasted…a little sweet.
Azulon sipped from his chalice, seeing who she was talking to before smirking,"Oh them? Those are my children from my previous marriage. The eldest one's name is Iroh and the brat's name is Ozai."
"Why didn't I see them before around the palace?" She asked.
"Iroh was at college," He admitted,"I had to summon him in advance to get him to come to the wedding. And Ozai was at a private academy. I don't allow concubines to have access to the rooms where my children are situated…though I suppose that since your status has been elevated it won't be a big deal anymore as we're going to be a family…"
Hama felt uneasy at this comment. It was bad enough she was trapped in this marriage, now she was expected to fulfill the motherly role to Azulon's other spawn. Not to mention Iroh didn't seem to like her if his expression was anything to go off of.
"Azulon, are you certain your children are going to be OK with me? Your eldest son doesn't seem all too thrilled…"
Azulon tsked,"Give them time. Bare in mind I didn't exactly tell them I was seeing anyone so this marriage was quite the 'll get used to you one way or another," He promised before smirking,"And speaking of children…I was thinking perhaps we should try making one of our own."
Hama's heart dropped,"Azulon, you can't be serious…you already have two kids…"
"Another can't hurt," He mused,"Besides, we need to cement your position as my wife, know the Fire Nation is a tad skeptical about you, marrying concubines is a bit controversial so it'd help our reputations if you bore a child."
"But Azulon, I'm on birth control…" She reminded me. All the concubines were given birth control to avoid any..accidents when Azulon had his fun.
"Oh don't worry about that," He chuckled,"It'll wear off by the time we reach our chambers…"
"What do you mean? What did you do, Azulon?" She felt an edge of panic.
"I just put a little…something in your drink. It'll reverse the effects in no time…"
Hama froze up, staring at her drink with silent terror. Of course Azulon had something like that in storage. She'd be surprised, but then she'd be lying.
Azulon smirked as he took a bite out of his meal,"Oh Hama, don't be so blue…Think of this as a new chapter for the two of us. You allowed me to feel love for the first time in several years, Hama…and for that I must thank you. In return, I will give you the life that many women would kill for. Congratulations, my dear…you are now a part of the Royal Family. And you belong to me and me alone…" He purred as he turned his head to kiss her cheek, Hama's expression frozen with silent resignation.
Eventually the wedding ended…and soon enough, Hama found herself in Azulon's quarters. The inevitable was at hand…and Hama knew she made her choices long ago. She removed her regal attire and allowed Azulon to see her bare as he followed suit. They did their little 'dance' of passion and by the time the embers of excitement extinguished, Hama laid on her side.
Yet even in exhaustion she couldn't escape him, as Azulon wrapped his arms around her like a snake's coil, pulling her close against his chest as he nuzzled her. Hama didn't bother pushing him away, she knew from prior experience Azulon was like a rock and moving him was like trying to move a sleeping komodo rhino.
She sighed somberly, her body sore and her mind reeling with the realization of what she had just gotten herself into.
If Hama could've ran back in time…she would've told herself to kill Azulon the first chance she got…because now she was far too close in his vice grip, his poison seeping into her like a viper's venom.
Hama touched her stomach, already feeling the foreboding feeling of the life that'd soon be blossoming inside of her.
Hama never saw herself being a mother. Even before the Fire Nation attacked, she simply hadn't considered too deeply what motherhood would be like. She never saw herself as parent material. If it were up to her, she simply wouldn't have had a child…at least not with Azulon. Even though she felt…something towards him, raising the child of a tyrant wasn't exactly what she'd call ideal.
Unfortunately, Azulon had other ideas and Hama experienced all the ups and downs of pregnancy, from the sickness, the moodswings, the strange cravings for fire flakes. Honestly she didn't know why she liked some of the foods that in other circumstances she wouldn't have touched, but the baby seemed drawn to it.
The weight gain was…not pleasant. Hama prided herself in a lean figure so having this round stomach and struggling to do tasks she used to do with ease felt demeaning.
About the only solace was that Azulon was a 'doting' husband in that area and helped her get around. He even touched her stomach to feel for the baby and even spoke to their child with great enthusiasm and tending to her needs. The servants probably could've done it, but Azulon insisted he be involved despite his duties.
Almost made her forget that this wasn't really her choice, but regardless the moments did bring her some moments of happiness through the despair.
When it came time for the birth, the pain was unlike anything Hama ever physically experienced. She heard pregnancy hurt, but nothing could prepare her for the sheer agony of labour. Hours of pain, pushing and screaming. She said the nastiest thing to Azulon who merely held her hand and didn't bat an eye at her insults, as though he had done this before(oh wait, he had technically).
After what felt like an eternity, the baby finally arrived. Hama was exhausted by the end of it, her hair a mess and sweat dripping off of her. The baby cried upon being let out into the open and Hama watched as the nurses rushed to clean the baby before handing the child over to Azulon once all was said and done.
Azulon held the child, smiling as he let the newborn into her arms. He then said,"It's a boy, my fire lily…"
Hama heaved, glancing at the child. She tensed for a moment, the baby's eyes were mis-matched. One eye was gray like her own…the other way gold, just like Azulon. Perfect match.
"What was the name we agreed on if it was a boy?" She rasped, her memory was still foggy from the labour.
Azulon chuckled,"Horuma…" He mused,"You suggested we call him Horuma. Flame or blaze…Quite the fitting name for a Prince wouldn't you say?"
Hama nodded begrudgingly as she glanced at her son. She touched Horuma, gazing in awe as the baby held her finger. Despite caring for the infant, a part of her felt disgusted, she had spawned another heir to the throne, the exact opposite of what she set out to do.
And any hope of escape died with the birth of the baby…
"I love you so much dear…you did amazing…" Azulon praised as he kissed her. Hama let him kiss her, holding her son close.
Iroh and Ozai came into the room, the eldest son glancing at Hama with unease before masking it with a smile.
"Iroh, Ozai…say hi to your new baby brother, Horuma…" Azulon welcomed.
"Uh…Hi baby…" Iroh said. He loved babies normally, but his father lying with this stranger made everything tense. He still didn't get why Azulon liked Hama so much and something about her rubbed him the wrong way. Azulon was head over heels for her, yet Iroh wasn't sure the feeling was mutual…
Ozai glanced at the baby in confusion and jealousy. Azulon never paid much attention to him to begin with but now just having a random baby show up and have him be happy made Ozai's stomach turn.
The young prince narrowed his eyes before asking,"Father…were we not enough for you? Were me and Iroh not cutting it anymore so you had to get a new squishy baby?"
"Ozai," Azulon scowled,"Not another word. That is no way to speak to your family…"
"Sorry…" Ozai apologized, though it was clear he didn't mean it.
Azulon scoffed,"Show some respect will you? She just gave birth and you can't even act excited in front of your new baby brother. She's your mother now."
"Mother?" Iroh asked with offense,"Father, I know you're in love with this woman, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. She is not our mother. Our mother died years ago and you cannot just replace her with some random concubine you found on the street."
"Iroh…" Azulon chided in a warning tone,"You two, out."
"But-" Iroh started before falling in line at Azulon's glare. He sighed,"Come on, Ozai..since Father clearly wants to be with his new wife, we should take our leave…"
Ozai gave a glance before following his elder sibling.
Azulon sighed,"Please pay no mind to them. They're still adjusting to your presence…" He apologized,"My children will pay you respect in due time, I'll make sure of it…"
"It's fine," Hama admitted, she had bigger problems anyhow then some step-children not appreciating her presence. It's not like she wanted to be there, but she made her choices long ago…
And that's how she got here. Five years trapped in this gilded cage. Five years of being Azulon's wife. It was…not exactly the life she sought out for herself, but it was the life that the cards had given her due to her own inaction.
At this point Hama had come to terms with the fact her life wasn't going to be her own anymore. The wedding bells that chimed like a death knell over her sealed her fate, and if that somehow hadn't been the case, the baby most certainly cemented her destiny.
The Fire Lady's silver eyes glanced at the water, peering at her reflection. She hardly recognized herself at times…
She then saw…Horuma sitting beside her as he tugged on her sleeve. Hama wasn't sure how long the boy had been there, but he must've noticed her staring off into space as he called out to her,"Mommy, are you alright?"
Hama nodded,"I'm fine, sweetie. Mommy is just thinking…"
"You do that a lot, Mommy…I always see you out here…is something wrong?"
Hama shook her head,"I'm fine, Horuma. I'm just..fine…" She lied.
Horuma narrowed his mis-matched eyes. Even though he was five, he wasn't oblivious to his mother's dissatisfaction. Horuma saw Hama's grey eyes clouded with discontent. Even in family portraits Hama didn't smile, she simply kept a neutral expression.
Horuma recalled the few times he could remember Hama smiling was when he made her a gift out of arts and crafts. The other was when he waterbended for the first time…she was happy for a moment, amazed at the spectacle before her…
Only for her to become serious…and tell him in a firm voice to not do it again without permission.
He didn't understand why…Ozai and Iroh could show off their bending..yet he couldn't. Azulon thought he wasn't a bender and whilst he still loved Horuma, it was clear that in private he and Hama had issues regarding this.
"Mommy….do you love daddy?"
Hama tensed, struggling to find a good way to put this. She wanted to say no..that she hated him…But she recalled the times where he made her feel loved,made her feel cherished, the way he kissed her…touched her even…
The Water Bender glanced at her son,"Mommy and Daddy have some complicated feelings towards each other," She said in the most kid-friendly way imaginable,"We really do love each other…I just have some personal issues going on…"
It wasn't a lie…but it wasn't the full truth either.
That's what her life had become…a web of lies…truth and half-truths. This life she lived felt artificial…but it was the only life she really had anymore and it wasn't like she could leave. She couldn't abandon her son…and Azulon would no doubt hunt her to the ends of the Earth if she somehow got away…
"Mommy…can I show you tricks later?" He suggested in hopes it'd quell the tension."I came up with a new one earlier in the bath…"
"Of course my little munchkin…" She ushered before giving Horuma a hug,"Mommy would love to see your little tricks in private…."
Horuma seemed to be ecstatic at this news, clinging to his mother closely before running off. As Hama watched her son leave, she turned back to the water, her reflection gazing back at froze when a small drip caused ripples in the water, touching her face and feeling a small dampness trailing down her face.
Hama wiped her face with her sleeve as she regained her composure. She wouldn't cry…it was too late for tears anyway…