MISTLETOE

Mineta prowled through the hallways. Clumps of mistletoe hung from every lightbulb, doorway, and ceiling panel, and all the exits were sealed shut with purple spheres.

"Come on, come out," Mineta crooned. "There's nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide!"

He strolled up to the women's restroom. He leered up at the bathroom sign and said, "This sign can't stop me because I can't read!"

From inside the restroom, he heard Tsuyu say, "But you can read."

"Hah! Gotcha!" Mineta threw the door open. On the sink, a voice recorder said again, "But you can read."

Mineta shook his head. "Clever girl."

Mineta tiptoed over to the girls' dorms. He searched through the rooms one at a time, ignoring their unguarded dressers in favor of more tantalizing prey.

At the end of the hallway, he saw a curvaceous figure and a head of long, black hair standing underneath a mountain of mistletoe. Salivating, Mineta rushed forward and said, "You're under mistletoe, you have to kiss!"

Mineta whirled the figure around and froze. The black wig slid off, revealing a head of curly green hair. Izuku's eyes glowed as he stared down at Mineta.

"Indeed. It is a holiday tradition to press lips together while standing underneath mistletoe leaves. Initiating . Please standby."

Izuku's mouth opened and grew. Inside, barbed metal teeth spun around like a blender. Izuku's arms clamped around Mineta, who screamed and clawed at Izuku's chest as the spinning teeth drew closer and closer.

Mineta leapt awake just before the teeth reached him. Sweating buckets and gasping for air, Mineta looked around the stacks of mistletoe boxes in his room and chuckled nervously. "Whew. Just a bad dream. I should get these hung up."

He opened the door. A clump of mistletoe hung overhead, and Izuku stood beneath it.

"We are standing under mistletoe," Izuku said. "You know what that means."

Mineta screamed and bolted up out of bed. He groaned and rubbed his head. "Was that a dream-ception? I gotta lay off the eggnog."

He turned around. Green eyes glowed in the dark, lighting up a bough of mistletoe overhead.

Class 1-A gathered around the hospital bed. Mineta had an enormous lump on his head, and the heartbeat monitor struggled to keep pace with Mineta's pulse.

"Poor guy," Ojiro said. "I wonder what he was doing with all that mistletoe?"

"He should've asked for help," Sato said. "I can carry stuff."

"Wonder what kind of dream he's having," Kaminari said. "Can you even dream in a coma?"

Jirou gave the heart monitor the stink-eye. "If I had to guess, we're better not knowing."

As the class let out mirthful chuckles and groans of disgust, Izuku looked down at Mineta. "Diagnosis indicates he it either in a cranial trauma-induced coma, or he has cancer. Medical texts indicate that a kiss can wake patients. Initiating ."

Mineta leapt up in bed and shot away from Izuku. "No more kisses! I can't take anymore!"

Jirou shook her head. "Told you."

500

Mineta's my 'push in case you're out of ideas' button. How did that happen?