STRETCH

"And now, we'll touch our toes."

"I can't feel my spine!"

The students of 1-A sat on rows of yoga mats. Before them was their yoga instructor, a wrinkled, lanky old woman. When she bent forward, nimbly touching her toes, then reaching over and putting her palms on the soles of her feet, the rest of 1-A mirrored her movements, regardless of their own bodies' opinions on the matter. A staccato of sharp cracks and pained groans filled the room.

"Can't… breathe…"

"Dunno what you're talking about, Fumi-chan. This is easy!"

Tokoyami glared at Dark Shadow, bending bonelessly next to him.

"And now, a knee to chest stretch."

Everyone brought a knee to their chest. Mineta groaned as his hip cracked. "Is this what being old is like? I think I need a hip replacement."

"Well, you already have the adult diaper thing going on," Jirou dryly pointed out.

Mineta tried glaring at her, but he couldn't stretch his neck far enough for eye contact. "Just you wait, when I'm not a perfect sphere of agony I'll make you pay."

"And now, a triceps stretch."

The instructor contorted until she had both arms completely behind her back. All eight of Shoji's arms bent back until he could grab his own feet.

"Are we sure Aizawa isn't trying to kill us?"

"What, this?" Ochako grinned as she patted her own back. "This is practically a vacation after twelve-hour sprints."

Shoji conceded that she might have a point, which was when the instructor called the next stretch.

"Now, the splits."

Every masculine member of the class blanched. Even the girls had the courtesy to wince on their behalf.

"No, please, I'm too young to die!"

"I haven't even gotten to use mine yet!"

"You were never going to anyways," Jirou shot back.

The instructor stretched. High-pitched whines came from every guy as their legs bent horizontally against the ground. Manly tears spilled forth, and their breaths came in ragged gasps.

"Is this far enough?" Izuku asked. His own legs were not simply flat, but curving upward until they nearly touched his head.

Narrowing her eyes at the challenge, the instructor bent her legs even further. Hoarse screams from every guy filled the room, while even the girls grit their teeth at the painful tension in their muscles. Todoroki had forsworn his oath against using fire to heat the area around his thighs, while Kaminari shocked himself into oblivion rather than endure the agony his legs put him through.

Seeing the instructor stretch further than him, Izuku bent his legs behind his head. Iida begged him to stop, and Ojiro even tried smacking him with his tail, but to no avail. By the time their stretch competition had concluded, everyone was such a convoluted a knot of human limbs that Alexander the Great would sooner cut them in half than attempt to untangle them.

Izuku contorted his spine until he made three perfect loops and said, "I am a pretzel now."

498

Now U.A.'s got more pretzels than Auntie Anne's.