DIABEETUS

"Sato, are you sure that-"

Sato swallowed a handful of sugar pills and washed it down with Mountain Dew. He lit a dozen candy cigars and huffed sugar vapor until they shrank to stubs.

"-it's safe consuming that much sugar, also your lungs-"

Sato filled a syringe with maple syrup, tied a cord around his arm, and pumped his veins full of Canada.

"-will get damaged from the sugar crystals and where did you get those-"

Sato squeezed droplets of honey directly into his eyeballs and blinked the viscous liquid under his eyelids.

"-needles that can't be sanitary also what the-"

Sato put in his mouth a golden caramel orb, with a red star printed on the center. Distending his jaw like a snake, Sato swallowed, and the orb made his throat bulge as it descended.

"-heck is wrong with you Sato, you're going to get yourself-"

Sato's hair turned gold, and a radiant aura surrounded him. His muscles bulged, and his clothes tore themselves asunder from the sheer manliness radiating off of him.

"-killed," Aizawa finished weakly.

Sato pointed both hands towards the test dummy. White light coalesced between his palms. "Ka… me… ha… me…"

"This better not take an entire drabble to charge up."

"HAAAAAAA!"

The heart monitor next to Sato's bed beeped. Sato blearily opened his eyes and asked, "Ugh… where am I?"

"You're at the hospital.

"Oh. Did I destroy the test dummy at least?"

"You sure did. You also destroyed the League of Villains, seven invasive species, the national debt, an alien invasion, Ohio, and world hunger."

"Sweet. Hey, you mind scratching my elbow? I can't quite reach it."

"Look down."

"What, is there something on my-"

Sato's words died in his throat. A tangle of syringes and tubes jutted out from the bottom of his neck. Beyond his neckline, nothing remained of his body.

While Sato quietly freaked out, Aizawa said, "Did you really think you could channel unlimited power through your fragile meat suit?" He pointed both hands at his head and shouted, "Think, Sato, think!"

"So I blew up?"

"All that sugar went to your thighs."

"My… thighs?"

"And then you blew up."

"So how am I going to be a hero? I'm just a head!"

On cue, the nurses wheeled in a mechanical body. Sato's eyes lit up.

"It's sugar powered," Aizawa said. "Be sure to thank Midoriya-san."

The moment the doctors attached his head, Sato went straight for the vending machine. He punched through it and scarfed down every candy bar.

"Sato, wait, we need to test it first."

"What do you think I'm doing?" The robo-suit lit up, and Sato's hair turned gold again. "Ka… me… ha… me…"

"Sato no!"

"HAAAAAAAA!"

A beam of light tore through the hospital room, zapping cancer, the MLA, inflation, and Ohio again before disappearing into space.

Aizawa peeked out from behind his scarf. "Huh… I expected you to-"

Sato's body vibrated erratically, then blew apart in a deafening, caramel-scented blast.

"-explode."

498

Doctor: Sato, I'm afraid you have Type III diabetes. Yeah, you somehow added Type I and Type II together. Also, you have syphilis.

Sato: but I get another cool robot body

Doctor, sighing: Yes, you get another cool robot body.

Sato: sweet

Doctor: WAIT!

KABOOM