DENTIST

"Open wide, please," the dentist said.

Tsuyu opened her mouth. The dentist looked inside, froze for a moment, then set his tools down. "Frog Quirk, right? Well, you don't have any cavities."

"I told them this was unnecessary, kero."

The dentist's next patient dutifully opened their mouth, and he tried scraping off the tartar. It refused to budge.

"Be right back. I have just the thing."

He came back in, lugging an enormous angle-grinder. "Now hold still, it would get really messy if I slipped."

One set of immaculately-polished teeth later, the dentist visited his next patient. "Sir, please remove your mask."

"You won't like it if I do."

"Young man, I've seen plenty of people in my long tenure as a dentist. There's nothing you have that could possibly-"

The dentist blinked. The young man was gone, two hours had slipped away, and trails of dried blood ran from his eyes. The computer screen flickered oddly, but the next appointment was penned in. The dentist shrugged and moved on.

"Take these shades, so you're not blinded by the light."

"Mon ami, I think you might need it more than I do, Monsieur Dentist."

Aoyama's teeth glittered like a mouthful of fireworks. It took three layers of glasses before the dentist could see his gleaming rows of perfect teeth.

In the next room, the dentist found a patient with an avian mutation. "Sorry, another one? I already told off my assistants for making that one girl wait."

"Actually, I do have teeth. See?"

Tokoyami opened his beak. The dentist went pale and gulped loudly. "Right, uh, guess you have some goose DNA somewhere."

"Is that a problem?" Tokoyami asked darkly.

"Nope! Not at all, I'll get right on it, please don't eat my fingers."

In the next room, the dentist openly gaped at the fillings glimmering in Momo's mouth. "Are those solid platinum?"

"With pink diamonds fitted around the gums," Momo said around a mouthful of tools. The dentist wept at the idea that the girl had more net worth in her mouth than he would make in ten lifetimes.

Loud explosions came from the next room. Bakugo stood tall over the charred dentist chair, shouting, "I'll never submit to your brain scanners!"

The dentist pinched a nerve, and Bakugo collapsed like a puppet. "Work quickly, and bill U.A. for the damages."

When he stuck a tool in the next patient's mouth, they bit down. Chewed. And swallowed.

"That was very tasty," Izuku said. "May I have more?"

The dentist fed Izuku all the tools he had wanted to throw away. From the next room, an assistant stormed out. "I quit," she said. "And so did Molly and Angelica. Good luck with that one."

Dismayed, the dentist stepped inside. Mineta's face fell. "Aww man, I get some ugly old dude? Why can't I have a hot chick for a dentist?"

The dentist spun up a drill. "Oh no. Looks like we are out of anesthetic. Now open wide."

499

This chapter is brought to you by your local dentist, reminding you to floss your teeth, make regular appointments for cleaning, and don't use an angle grinder to remove plaque.