Just a bit of silliness inspired by some fandom discussions about the infamous patchwork pants.

# # #

Johnny and Roy left the lawyer's office, and Johnny wasn't feeling much better about their chances of beating the theft charges than he had before the meeting.

"That went well," Roy commented dryly.

"We're screwed," Johnny answered with a groan, "We're screwed. They're gonna throw us in jail, throw away the key, we're gonna lose our jobs, you're gonna lose your family—"

"Johnny," Roy broke in, "Nothing's happened yet. They're still investigating. We know we didn't do anything wrong. We've just gotta stay calm and let the process play out."

"Right," Johnny huffed, running a hand through his hair.

They started down the hallway to the elevator, and Roy pressed the button. Johnny could sense Roy's eyes on him. "What?"

"Nothing," Roy answered, eyeing Johnny up and down. After a beat he spoke again. "Well, maybe one thing."

Johnny huffed irritably. "Okay, shoot."

Roy paused for a long moment. "Did you get dressed in the dark today?"

Johnny was baffled and slightly offended. "What do you mean by that?"

Roy gestured toward Johnny's pants without a word, and Johnny looked down before looking back at Roy. "What's wrong with my pants?!"

The elevator arrived before Roy could answer, and both men stepped on, joining a few other people for the ride down. After the elevator door closed, Johnny picked up where he left off. "I'll have you know these pants are the latest thing."

"Is that right?" Roy replied mildly.

"That's right," Johnny shot back, "See, I knew I needed to look sharp for this meeting, right? So, I go to the same department store I always go to. There's this chick that works in menswear. Let me tell you, she's incredible, Roy."

"Uh huh."

"Anyway, I start looking around, and she's not there. So, I ask some other chick. I tell her I'm meeting with this lawyer. Didn't tell her why, of course."

"Of course."

The elevator stopped. A couple of people got off, a couple more people got on. Johnny ignored them and continued. "So anyway, she takes me over to the pants, picks out a few pairs for me to try on. Now, I'll admit these are some pants I normally wouldn't try, but I figure she knows what she's talking about, right?"

"I'm sorry I asked," Roy muttered.

"I hated the first couple of pairs," Johnny continued, choosing to ignore Roy's comment, "One pair was this ridiculous…uh, I forget what she called them. Some kind of check pattern."

"Houndstooth," a woman piped up.

"Yeah, that's it!" Johnny nodded, turning his attention back to Roy, "Houndstooth. So, I tried on another pair. Plaid. Then I tried on these."

Roy regarded him skeptically. "Those were better than the plaid?"

"That's what she said," Johnny replied cheerfully, "She told me I looked great in them. So, I bought them. And asked for her phone number."

Roy rolled his eyes. "Right. Did she give it to you?"

"Nah, she said she had a boyfriend," Johnny told him as the elevator doors opened and they stepped off.

"And you were convinced those pants were the way to make a good impression."

Roy's tone gave Johnny pause. He'd been so excited when he bought the pants, even though he hadn't succeeded in getting the girl's phone number. She wouldn't have told him he looked good in them if he didn't, would she?

Would she?

"She said I looked good in them, Roy," Johnny replied, trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Roy.

Roy merely looked at him. "Johnny, I think she was just trying to make a sale. You know all those salesgirls work on commission, right?"

Johnny's heart sank. "No, guess I didn't."

Roy's expression changed to one of amusement. "Bring those pants to the station next shift. We'll give them a proper burial."

Johnny couldn't help feeling a little down about the whole thing. Not only had he been duped by the salesgirl, he'd made a fool out of himself and Roy in front of the lawyer.

Still, he had to admit he kind of liked the pants. Sure, they weren't something he would normally wear, but they were different. Unique.

"Actually, Roy, I think I'm keeping the pants," he told Roy, "I kinda dig 'em."

Roy shook his head. "As long as you don't wear them if we have to go to court."

Johnny froze. "What do you mean?"

Roy let out a huff. "Never mind. Come on. I'll buy you lunch. You and your ridiculous pants."

Johnny relaxed and fell into step beside Roy. "You know, I can probably get you a discount if you want a pair of your own."

"I think I'll pass," Roy told him.

Once Johnny returned home, he changed clothes, pausing for a moment before putting the patchwork pants back on the hanger. Were they really that bad?

No, they weren't, Johnny decided as he hung them in his closet. And he'd find another time to wear those pants. Maybe on a date with that salesgirl if he ever managed to get her number.

That is, if he managed to stay out of jail.