-Birds

It was a typical Monday morning. Sarah Lee groaned as her alarm clock rang it's monotone beat. After hitting the snooze, she rolled around in her blankets for another ten minutes before she finally shuffled out and into her bathroom.

Quickly she splashed some water on her face. She didn't recognize the lifeless reflection before her. Her skin was pale and not a blemish in sight. However, her eyes looked empty and dull. 31 years old. 5 ' 4" ft tall. She had straight thick black locks of hair framing her face and all the way down to her mid back.

Why did she feel so hollow inside? Her mom was proud of her. She had moved out and was fully independent. She went to church every Sunday and volunteered as a greeter. However, she felt just so numb.

Putting on a bathrobe, she shuffled into another room. She put on a bathrobe and shuffled across her wooden floor. It was currently 8:15am. Preparing her arduous commute, she sat down in another room and powered on her work laptop. She had a wonderful telework government job as a SQL coder in Databricks. She made well over 6 figures. Her boss gave her an "achieved excellence" this year. Though she received the same rating consecutively for the past 3 years.

It was mid February and the air outside was fridged. Staring outside her window, she spotted a few birds chirping loudly on a branch. She knew she was blessed with her job and home, but she couldn't help though to feeling a longing for something more. The birds reminded her of a past memory…

An 8 year old girl, was drawing excitedly in her art class. This time she drew a picture of a beautiful bird. After class was dismissed, she hurriedly ran up to her mom to show her the drawing. Her mom took a quick glance at it and stated, "Looks wonderful" and then immediately returned to talking on her phone. Feeling a bit neglected, Sarah asked "Mom, you didn't even look at the back of the portrait? I drew…" However, her Mom merely tightened her grip on Sarah's and replied " Sarah, can't you see I'm in the middle of a call. Can this wait? I'm on the phone with your father." The light girl sighed in defeat. She noticed her mom's voice raise another octave. She guessed her mom and dad were going through another argument again.

Once they arrived at the car, Sarah knew the proper procedure. She sat in the backseat quickly and didn't make a fuss. Her mom started the car and finally finished her phone call. Her mom asked "Sarah, did you want to say something from before?" Sarah replied back" No, it was nothing. I forgot about it already." Turning her portrait over, Sarah drift into a light sleep. Her last thoughts were "None of it matters, nothing I do matters."

"Sarah…Sarah…are you here?"

Snapping out of her thoughts, Sarah quickly replied " Yes, I'm here. Sorry Rob" There was a team's chat going on with her co-workers. They were discussing how to build a query on a new database.

After 2 meetings and finishing a SQL coding assignment last week, Sarah was finally finished with her work. It was already 4pm…though she made sure to leave her computer on until the evening.

Happily, Sarah skipped into her tiny kitchen. It wasn't very large. It had at most 2-3 feet of space that she could walk in. Her fridge was directly across from her dishwasher. Her kitchen was so tiny that if she decided to load dishes in the washer, she wouldn't be able to open her fridge door at the same time. Regardless, this was her safe haven.

She loved to cook! It was the only practical means of still expressing her creativity since she didn't have time to draw anymore. This week, she would be making jap chae (It was a Korean sweet noodle dish with beef, carrots, spinach, mushrooms, and eggs mixed in). She couldn't wait to get started. 4 hours later she had finished her creation.

She had piles of dishes everywhere. There were multiple mixing bowls balanced precariously on the edge of her tiny marble kitchen counter. Her stove top was crammed as she used a sauce pan, wok, and pot to finish cooking. Who knew jap chae could take so long. Guess she should have read the recipe fully before committing to cutting the carrots and red peppers.

4 hours later, she took a big bite of the meal she had made. "Hmmm" Sarah thought as she slurped up her sweet potato noodle, "I should have used a bit more soy sauce." Regardless, she was proud that she probably had enough for an entire week. She took 3-4 Tupper wear containers and filled it to the brim with noodles. Bringing a small bowl of noodles to her small living room table, she stared at each of the 3 other empty chairs. Staring longingly at her chair…wishing someone was there to enjoy this meal with her.

After a quick shower and brushing her teeth. Sarah had long ago given up on the stack of dishes and pots in her sink. She could always deal with it tomorrow.

It was already 11pm and Sarah was ready to jump into bed. Her bedroom walls were filled with acrylic paintings. She had actually accumulated a whopping amount of 20 paintings. It all started with a wine and paint night with friends that quickly escalated into an addiction. Just in her bedroom alone, she had 6 paintings.

Here she felt safe, warm, and could indulge herself in her creativity. Before she drifted off to sleep her hand reached out to the left side of her bed. Originally searching for another pillow, she left her hand pawing on the empty left side of her bed. If she felt so safe and content…Why did she feel so alone?