Episode #3:
Because There's Someone He Likes
Suzie Yeung as Ranko
David Errigo Jr. as Ranma
Jason Griffith [credited as J. Griff] as Kenma
Fred Tatasciore as Genma
J. Michael Tatum as Soun
Laura Post as Kasumi
Stephanie Sheh as Nabiki
Valeria Rodriguez as Akane
Travis Willingham as Kuno
Josh Keaton as Dr. Tofu
Ted Lewis as Akimitsu
ADDITIONAL VOICES:
John Patneaude
JP Karliak
Abbey Veffer
Isaac Robinson-Smith
Kayleigh McKee
Kaiji Tang
Andrew Frankel
NOTE: As of this episode in the Japanese version, Toshio Furukawa returns as Kenma's voice.
Ranma opened his eyes, surprised to see that he was inside of a hot spring, with two goblin masks on the walls.
"...where AM I?" he muttered, wiping his brow. "Definitely don't remember being here."
Still, he wasn't gonna deny that the place was nicer than he was used to. He wasn't going to start questioning it any further.
…and then, there came a rumbling noise. The water's surface began to bubble and ripple.
Ranma looked around. "Wait, what's that?" he asked, his hackles up.
Out of the depths rose a massive 50-foot Tatewaki Kuno, clad in his robe and clutching a bouquet of flowers. "Ranma Saotome…" he rumbled.
Ranma's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "K-k…KUNO?!" he exclaimed.
The giant Kuno held out his tremendous bouquet. "I…LOVE…YOU….!" he bellowed.
"You idiot, LOOK at me!" exclaimed Ranko. "I'm a b—"
…and then she looked down at herself. She wasn't a he anymore.
"WHAT THE—THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" Ranko screamed. "THIS IS HOT WATER, I SHOULD BE A GUY!"
"GO OUT WITH ME…" rumbled Kuno as he reached for the pink-haired girl, who immediately began swimming for her life.
"DAMMIT, I'M A BOY!" she screamed, before she was raised into the air.
"I…LOVE YOU…" bellowed Kuno as he moved her closer to his face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" screamed Ranma as his eyes shot open, and he woke up in his futon. He was breathing heavily, and sweating something fierce. A bit on edge after that, he quickly felt his chest to see if he was still a guy. Much to his relief, he was NOT in his female form.
But the idea of Kuno declaring his love for Ranko still sent shivers down his spine.
That morning, it was a little like yesterday…but quicker, at least.
"AKANE TENDO, LET'S GO ON A DATE!"
"SAOTOMES, STEP AWAY FROM HER NOW!"
Akane rolled her eyes. "I am SO sick of this…" she groused, as she wound up her right arm.
KER-POWZA!
Again, she knocked them all flying like bowling pins. "TAKE. THE FUCKING. HINT!" she screamed.
And last but not least, along came Kuno. "ATTAAAAACK!" he bellowed.
Without thinking, both Ranma and Akane leapt into the air, and delivered a debilitating double-kick that knocked Kuno on his ass.
"Hey, don't fight my battles for me!" Akane insisted.
"Get real!" Ranma retorted. "I just happen to hate Kuno as much as you!"
Swear to Kami, if I end up bein' late, I'm gonna ram that wooden stick right up his ass…
Shortly afterwards, in the nurse's office, Kuno reawakened to see Nabiki standing nearby.
"And thus, Kuno falls again," she remarked. "Something tells me you're starting to enjoy the pain."
"Ah, my darling ponytailed girl..." Kuno mumbled. "I shall never let you go..."
And then he passed out again.
Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "'Ponytailed girl'?" she asked.
Then, Kuno was awake again. "No, Akane! You are mistaken, it is YOU I love!" he mumbled, as he clasped Nabiki's hand.
The brunette girl took a nearby tin and bopped him in the head with it. "There, that oughta shake the cobwebs off," Nabiki muttered.
"...that hurt, you know," Kuno stated very matter-of-factly.
"Well, pain is an excellent motivator," Nabiki replied. "Besides, is dating girls all you ever think about?"
"Alas, I have no such plans to date you," Kuno told her.
"And you have no idea how happy that makes me," Nabiki responded.
SUBSEQUENTLY…
Nabiki was back at her desk, sipping from a box of milk when she felt something being plopped onto the desk. Looking up, she saw it was a blonde, blue-eyed doll in a pink dress.
"Ummm…what is this?" she asked.
"It is a cute little dolly," Kuno responded, his tone flat.
"Nobody told you I only take cash or cards?" asked Nabiki, presenting a piece of paper. "No checks, though…" she crumpled the paper into a ball. "They bounce."
Throwing it down, she watched as the paper ball ricocheted off the floor, ceiling and walls before it broke through a window.
"And when did I say it was for YOU?" Kuno inquired as Nabiki went back to her milk. "It's for the…adorable girl with the braid!" he added, his face red.
FPOOOOO! Nabiki immediately spat the milk out, right in Kuno's face. "DAMMIT, perfectly good soy milk lost, because of you!"
Kuno's eyebrows twitched as he glanced back at her. "...so sweet and voluble, your discourse..." he responded dryly.
Immediately, Nabiki slammed a stack of photos on the table. "Set of 5 for ¥3000. You interested?" she asked, shifting into shrewd businesswoman mode.
Kuno snapped one up, his hands trembling. "This…this…this is my girl with the braid!" he exclaimed, stunned as his eyes roved over the photos. "She's so...so…unguarded!"
Nabiki smirked. She had him. "Kinda like a boy, am I right~?" she asked.
ONE FINANCIAL TRANSACTION LATER…
"You are some kinda shameless, y'know that?" Nabiki replied as she pocketed the cash. "I mean, most guys would feel pretty shit about switching off Akane the way you did."
Kuno raised a brow. "Who said I switched off?" he replied.
Nabiki was actually shocked. Last time she'd felt this way was Chapter 1.
"You're not going to cheat on her, are you?" she inquired. Just because she's a cold business woman, doesn't mean she isn't protective of her baby sister.
"Don't be so vulgar," Kuno retorted. "Akane, so powerful and lovely...the ponytailed girl is a sporty beauty...I could not part with either of them. Both so dear I can sacrifice NEITHER! My heart cries out for the chance to be with them simultaneously!"
"So in other words…" Nabiki said as she put down some photos of Akane. "...you're wanting to two-time this girl!"
Of course, she wouldn't let that keep her from getting rich. "Set of 5 for ¥4000."
Kuno's hands trembled. "You cold, heartless succubus!" he exclaimed.
"Hey, at least what I do is justifiable," Nabiki retorted as she pocketed the dough again. "What's your excuse, rich boy?"
A LITTLE BIT LATER…
"Hey, Ranma, Kuno wants to see you," said Nabiki.
Ranma looked disgusted. "...what's he want now?" he asked.
And moments later, he found himself staring at the doll in his hands.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Ranma screamed.
"THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW!" Kuno shot back. "As that money-craving witch said, the fastest way to get your dollie to the ponytailed girl is to give it to Ranma. So talk, whelp—what is your connection to my pink-haired angel?!"
"Forget her, why don'cha?" Ranma asked as he tossed the doll into Kuno's arms. "Besides…if I got any say-so, I'd bet you'll NEVER see her again."
Kuno's jaw dropped. "What is that supposed to mean?!" he blurted.
Ranma began to walk away. "You should just accept that the both of you are from two different worlds," he said, leaving Kuno behind.
Damn, that sounded cool and mysterious! he smiled as he turned a corner…
CHAPOTEO!
…only to get splashed with cold water.
"Well? What did you MEAN by that, Saotome?" Kuno shouted as he ran around a corner…but saw no Ranma, just a puddle.
"He's awful fast when he's running away…" muttered Kuno as he used his bokken and slashed through a nearby tree…
…which subsequently fell over, landing on his head and slamming him into the ground like a tent peg.
Out of the leaves plopped Ranko, landing on her tush. Upon seeing the object of his affections, Kuno subsequently tunneled further into the ground, only to pop up right beside her, seconds later, covered in dirt clumps.
"My love!" he exclaimed. "The ponytailed girl!"
Within seconds, he'd wrapped her in a massive bear-hug. "I shall never let you go!"
As Ranko tried to pull herself free, she suddenly felt the all-too familiar sting of boiling hot water being poured on her head. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" she shrieked before turning back to Ranma.
The culprit was Nabiki, who clutched the kettle with oven mitts. "I'm sorry, Ranma, was that too hot?" she asked nonchalantly.
"...what tipped you off, the screaming in pain or the third-degree burns?" Kenma responded flatly.
"Ranma, you say?" Kuno asked, before looking back at the black-haired boy.
"Take yer stinkin' paws off me," Ranma hissed. "YA IDIOT!"
POW! BONK! KLUNK!
Within seconds, Kuno was face-down on the ground, and Ranma was dusting his hands off.
"Have ya finally gotten the point?" he asked. "See ya."
But Kuno pushed himself back up to his feet. "HOLD IT!" he bellowed. "I will NOT be fooled by some cheap party tricks!"
Ranma was befuddled by this guy's stupidity. "...you mean you don't get it…?"
Kenma leaned over. "...y'know, I don't think he gets it," he replied.
Nabiki shrugged. "Looks like we gotta spell it out for 'im." she said before gesturing to him with a finger. "C'mere, Kuno-baby."
As Tatewaki approached, Nabiki began her explanation. "Here's the thing...you know that girl with the braid?" she asked. "Well...her body and soul both belong to Ranma. You know what that means, don't you?"
Kenma face-faulted at that. "She couldn't have picked a worse way to phrase that..." he muttered.
Immediately, Kuno's rage spewed forth like a volcanic eruption.
"...TYRANT!" Furious, he swung at Ranma, who dodged and leapt into a nearby tree.
"Y'know, I don't think you've got it yet!" Ranma called down.
"SILENCE, WRETCH!" bellowed Kuno. "I understand all too clearly..."
IMAGINATION SEQUENCE
In a bedroom, Ranko fell backwards onto a pillow after being slapped across the face. "Ohhh~!" she cried out.
Looming over her was Ranma...or rather, Kuno's mental picture. He had sharklike teeth, beady little eyes, and a pair of red horns poking from his hair.
"Heh-heh! Just be quiet an' do as you're told!" he hissed.
"Y-y-y-yes, Master...!" Ranko whimpered.
"You're NOTHIN', y'hear? Just MINE!" Ranma cackled evilly. "Here I co-o-ome!" he called out as he sprang onto Ranko, glomping her.
"Oh! Oh, please...Mother!" Ranko exclaimed, as in the foreground, a flower's pistil fell off the stem, signifying that she had been "deflowered".
END OF SEQUENCE.
"...how terrible..." Kuno whimpered as he covered his eyes to wipe his tears. But then, he turned to glare at Ranma. "YOU…ENEMY OF WOMEN! ENSLAVER!"
"Oh, for the love of—" Ranma exclaimed, as he dodged another bokken swing.
"I WILL DESTROY YOU AND FREE HER!" Kuno roared, whirling his blade as he came in for another attack.
Ranma somersaulted away and landed on his feet. "OK, then if I beat you, you'll forget about the braid-haired girl?" he said.
"Silence your wretched tongue, lest I cut it from your mouth and render you silent!" Kuno declared as he charged again.
Ranma leapt onto the bokken, and kicked Kuno in the chest, knocking him backwards…and knocking free some photos stored in his robe.
Snagging them out of the air, Ranma took a look—and was surprised to see that they were of his girl form.
"WHAT THE—?!" he exclaimed.
"GOTCHA!" Kuno exclaimed as he swung downward, sniping Ranma from the side.
"BIG BRO!" Kenma exclaimed. As much as I'd like to jump in and help, this is his fight. And he'd never forgive me if I interfered…warrior's honor and all that.
And so, Kenma could only watch while Kuno continued to attack Ranma.
"That was a lucky shot, Kuno!" Ranma said while ducking and dodging the rapid strikes. "Better enjoy it, cause' you're not gonna get another!"
"Talk is cheap," scowled Kuno as he continued his assault. "Let your attacks speak for you!"
And he struck again, prompting Ranma to stumble back, and tuck into a rolling position, which brought him into proximity with Akane.
"...how long have you been watching?" he asked.
"Never mind that," replied Akane. "What's important is that when Kuno battles a male opponent, he's very skilled!"
"Probably because every other male he fights is a chump," Ranma muttered.
"I mean it, Ranma. If you joke around, you could get seriously hurt!" Akane insisted.
Ranma nodded in response. "Uh-huh…and for the record, blue panties aren't a good choice for you," he replied.
KICK!
"DRY UP AND DIE FOR ALL I CARE!" Akane yelled, punting him away into the air.
"Playtime is over," declared Kuno, as Ranma plummeted closer to him. And so, he began jabbing and striking as quickly as he could, while Ranma weaved and darted around the attacks.
The air pressure from those combined strikes, however, blew all the leaves off a tree and reduced a nearby stone podium to rubble!
Geez…and I was trying to fight THIS idiot? Akane thought, covering her face. The only chance I'd have of him fighting me seriously is if I disguised myself…as a boy.
She decided to file that tidbit away for later, as she jumped away from the crumbling podium.
"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" called Ranma.
"FACE FRONT, DUMMY!" Akane shouted.
"Fool! You let your guard down!" Kuno declared. "AND THUS, I STRIKE THE FINAL BLOW!"
Quick as a whip, Ranma caught the bokken in his hands, and put his foot to Kuno's face, before bringing it down to his chest slowly.
As Ranma jumped away, the wannabe samurai collapsed to the ground, out like a light.
Akane went over, and flipped Kuno onto his back. It was then that she saw his face and chest were marked with footprints.
"Wow…I think you hit every one of his weak points," she commented.
"Turns out he was pretty easy to beat," commented Ranma.
"That was awesome!" Kenma exclaimed. "I really thought he had you in that last stretch!"
"Yeah, I thought so, too," responded Ranma. "But that little nick on my side? Pffft, that was nothing!"
"Are you sure?" asked Akane as she went over.
"I told you, I don't even feel—" Ranma began.
POINK.
"YAAAAAAAGH!" screamed Ranma as he clutched his side in pain.
"GEEZ! Don't pretend it's nothing when it literally makes you cry!" exclaimed Akane. "You seemed distracted earlier…what got your focus thrown?"
And then, she took notice of the contents of his back pocket. She took the photos...which were of her, no less.
"Wh-where did you...!? WHAT were you doing with these photos of me?" Akane exclaimed. "I'm afraid to even ask!"
"They ain't mine, dummy!" Ranma retorted. "I snatched 'em off of Kuno!"
Akane's eyes widened, but furrowed as she turned to her sister. "Oooo...NABIKI!" she glowered.
"Can't blame a girl for tryin' to make a little cash~" the brunette responded playfully. "Is it so wrong to have a side hustle?"
"Maybe if it's benefiting off of ME!" Akane fumed.
"All those pictures are so boring," shrugged Ranma. "I just don't see the appeal, y'know?"
Kenma sighed. Foot-in-Mouth syndrome strikes again…
"If we compare the both of us, you haven't got even HALF my sex appeal," Ranma commented.
What happened next…Ranma definitely had coming to him.
AFTER SCHOOL, AT DR. TOFU'S CLINIC...
Dr. Tofu looked over his patient. "...you're in very bad shape..." he muttered. Turns out the patient he meant was Ranma, whose body had practically been twisted into a pretzel.
"...aside from this nasty bokuto strike, you're also riddled with contusions and dislocations..." he mused, before turning to Akane and Kenma. "This is brutal! What sort of thug did this?"
Now Akane looked REALLY embarrassed.
Kenma just looked away. "The answer may surprise you," he replied.
"Well, uh...it was..." stammered Akane.
Just then, Ranma let off a wheezing gasp. "It…it was…"
"Hang on, I think he's got something to say," Kenma advised.
So Dr. Tofu leaned over.
"It…it was…a tom…boy…" wheezed Ranma.
Then Akane tipped the bed over, making Ranma fall on the floor. "YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, AND—" she started.
And then she regained her mental facilities, realizing Dr. Tofu was watching her.
"...you did this, Akane?" he asked.
Akane looked down, embarrassed. "Er…well, that is…" she began.
So what's with the sweet and innocent act? Ranma thought.
"In hindsight, it DOES make sense!" Dr. Tofu laughed as he pulled Ranma up. "The way you dislocated THIS joint in particular…definitely your signature touch!"
KRAK!
"EEEEEYAAAAAAAAAGH!" Ranma screamed in agony.
But Dr. Tofu didn't seem to notice. "So you're Ranma, right?" he asked, driving his fist into his back.
KRUNCH!
"MOTHERF—" Ranma cried out.
"Y'know, I heard you were supposed to be Akane's fiance," the doctor continued, jabbing him in the neck.
"We NEVER decided that! Our stupid parents did!" Akane remarked.
"Yes, it is a bit early," said Dr. Tofu. "After all, I think Akane has eyes for another…and you ARE still just kids. Barely even begun to live, in fact!"
Akane looked down, bummed. "...I guess so…"
Then she snapped to attention. "Wait, another? Who told you about Akimitsu?" she blurted.
Dr. Tofu rubbed his chin. "...I never mentioned anyone by name, Akane…" he replied.
As Akane blushed beet red again, Kenma was torn between laughing at Akane's accidental confession and being concerned about the pain Ranma's "procedure" was giving him.
"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA? DO I LOOK LIKE PIZZA DOUGH TO YOU?!" screamed Ranma as he shot upright. "BE GENTLE, WOULDJA? THAT HURT!"
"Hurt? Where?" asked Dr. Tofu as he checked over Ranma. The boy was about to speak up, but he rotated his arm a few times and was surprised to see he wasn't even hurting anymore.
"Dr. Tofu is very good at his job," responded Akane.
As the trio were leaving the office, Dr. Tofu called to Ranma. "A moment of your time, please?" he asked.
Ranma took a few steps back. "What's up, doc?" he asked.
"Regardless of whether you're engaged or not…" Dr. Tofu began.
"Trust me, we aren't," Ranma replied. "She's somebody else's girl."
"...still, do try to get along with Akane," finished the doctor.
Ranma shrugged. "It's not like I try to start the fights, y'know?" he asked. "She blows her stack over every little thing! If I didn't know better, I'd think she has it out for me!"
"Still, she's a very sweet girl," insisted Dr. Tofu.
"Really?" asked Ranma, genuinely bewildered.
"Well, no need to sound so surprised!" Dr. Tofu replied.
"Look, saying it is one thing," Kenma replied. "But showing it is another altogether."
"In other words, I'll believe it when I see it," Ranma added.
Dr. Tofu gave Ranma a little pat on the lower back. "You'll understand soon enough," he replied.
And so, the trio headed back home.
"What'd you two talk about?" asked Akane.
"Nothing major," Kenma replied.
"Just sympathizin' with me for being saddled with a crazed lunatic like yourself," Ranma continued.
But this time, Akane didn't lose her cool. "...I see…" she said, her tone flat as she turned away.
Ranma was, to say the least, bewildered. "Hey…can'tcha take a joke?" he asked, tugging Akane's hair bow back. "Now you're acting like a real girl…sissy."
Akane's brow furrowed. "Who's a sissy?" she spat. "You want some more of what I gave you earlier?"
Ranma's lips curled into a smirk. "Oh-kay then! There's the Akane I know," he remarked. "I almost didn't recognize you without a glare in your eyes!"
Akane clenched her fists. "What is WRONG with you?!" she snapped, swinging her bag at him, which he dodged.
"Whup! Strike one!" Ranma called.
She swung again. "Get back here!"
"You're too slow~!" Ranma taunted.
At that very moment, in his office, Dr. Tofu watched the clock.
"In five…four…three…two…one!" he chirruped.
As if on cue, Ranma's legs immediately gave out and he flopped to the ground, like a marionette without any puppeteer.
Kenma darted over, and was at his side in a matter of seconds. "Big bro! What happened?" he asked.
"M-my legs…" Ranma said, before he got an idea of what could've happened.
Why, that lousy—he must've done something when he patted me…struck a pressure point or somethin'!
"Alright…I guess I don't have a choice…" said Akane as she went over and picked Ranma up on her back.
"What are you DOING?" asked Ranma.
"Piggyback ride," Akane responded. "Your legs aren't working, are they?"
"What?!" sputtered Ranma. "You think a man will put up with this humiliation?!"
"I know what the fat man says, but the fat man ain't here!" Kenma retorted. "Now quit being such a Vegeta and accept the help, okay?"
"For-get it!" Ranma declared. "It's so embarrassing for a man to—"
SPLOOSH!
"BWAAAAK! That's cold!" Ranko squawked.
"There," replied Akane. "It's not a problem if we're both girls, right?"
And with that, the long walk home continued.
She's a very sweet girl, huh? …I guess so.
But will I understand one day? …probably not.
The next morning, Ranma and Genma were sparring in the yard while Kenma was reading. [When questioned on why he wasn't taking part, Kenma explained in two parts: one, because it wouldn't be a good fight if it was two against one, and 2, because he'd been sparring and training Akane last night.]
"Ranma, Mr. Saotome, Breakfast is ready!" Kasumi called.
"Oh, thanks for the heads-up, Kasumi!" replied Genma, as he and Ranma plummeted into the pond.
Shortly afterwards, everyone was around the breakfast table…eating breakfast, clearly.
Starting today, I have a part-time job, read Genma's sign.
"A job? Doing what, working in a zoo?" Ranko asked as she wrung out her shirt.
Nabiki gave a little snicker at that.
Genma twirled the sign to show his response. Wrong!
"Mr. Saotome, pass the soy sauce?" Nabiki asked.
"So, Ranma, working out, eh?" asked Soun as he came up the hallway, brushing his teeth. "That's the spirit, lad. Always keep your body in peak physical—"
Of course, when he saw Ranko's tits hanging out, he damn near choked on his toothbrush.
"Mornin', Mister Tendo," waved Ranko casually.
Kenma put his comic to the side. "Hey, big bro!" he called.
Ranko glanced up. "...yeah?"
Kenma gave a thumbs-up, his face maintaining a calm expression. "...nice tits," he responded.
Appealing to Ranko's pride really did help.
"Thanks, Ken!" she beamed, seconds before…
KA-SPLOOSH!
"You are unbelievable!" Akane fumed, dumping the kettle on Ranko's head. "Haven't you got any feminine modesty?"
"Yeah, sure, feminine modesty would be great…" Ranma retorted. "...IF I WAS A GIRL!"
"Oh, Akane? On your way home from school…" said Kasumi. "...could you stop by Dr. Tofu's? I borrowed a book from him and I need it returned."
The book was titled…Human Pressure Points? Definitely doesn't look like Kasumi's usual reading fare…unless she borrowed that book for a reason.
"...sorry, I can't," replied Akane. "Today's not very good for me."
Ranma glanced over at Kenma, and they both shared a quizzical expression.
"Really?" asked Kasumi. "Well, I suppose I'll have to."
"Why not, Akane?" asked Ranma. "I mean, it's the perfect opportunity."
"Hm?" Kasumi murmured.
At once, Akane stood up. "C'mon, we're gonna be late!" she said as she ran off, tugging Ranma along by the ponytail.
"Ow, ow, friggin' ow!" Ranma yelled. "Shit, I didn't even finish breakfast!"
Kenma emptied his plate's contents into his mouth, and slid his shoes on as he raced off behind them.
Outside, the old lady was spooning out water, and as they passed by, Ranma got splashed. Of course, Akane was so caught up in her rush that she didn't even notice.
"Hey Akane, you might wanna check what you're carryin'," said Kenma.
"You, be quiet," Akane ordered as she continued running. Once they got to school, Akane pinned Ranko against the fence, frustrated.
"Why can't you just keep your big mouth shut, huh?" Akane fumed.
"Why for?" inquired Ranko.
"Because that whole thing with Dr. Tofu—" Akane began, before she noticed that Ranma was now a she instead of a he.
"I did say to check," said Kenma. "But you didn't wanna listen."
"Wait, when did—" blurted Akane, bewildered.
"Three blocks back, old lady with the water bucket," Kenma stated as Akane opened Ranko's shirt and saw two round breasts.
Of course, at that moment, they both noticed that they now had company—namely, most of the Hentai Horde gathering around and eyeballing Ranko's exposed chest.
"Hey! I ain't puttin' on a free show!" called Ranko.
Akane got in front and put her fists up. "Alright, who wants the first spanking?" she asked.
One of the karate club members stepped up. "That won't be necessary," he replied. "For Akane Tendo, we have decided that we shall no longer challenge you. Instead—we shall swallow our pride and give our approval of your engagement to Ranma, for he defeated the seemingly invincible Kuno!"
"That is an inexcusable falsehood!" Kuno bellowed from nearby. "The great Tatewaki Kuno does not admit defeat!"
Of course, when everyone saw him, they were absolutely bewildered. He looked more like he could pass for a mummy.
"You lost, Kuno," remarked Aki. "Suck it up and accept it, quit being a baby."
"He was the strongest fighter at Furinkan High…!" wheezed one boy.
"And the biggest pervert!" another one added.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PERVERT?!" Kuno roared.
"Might as well own up to your title," snickered Aki, seconds before blocking Kuno's bokken with his baseball bat—luckily it was made of metal. "Oooh, feisty today, aren't we?"
"You would be wise to curb your flippant ways, varlet," Kuno scowled. "For Akane Tendo shall yet be mine!"
"She's. Not. Interested," called Aki. "Take the frickin' hint! No means no!"
"Foolish you!" the blustering swordsman mocked. "In time she will learn to love me, and me alone."
"No, I won't!" Akane called.
"That's your problem, Kuno," said Aki. "You've got this whole issue with considering others' feelings. Which is to say…you don't."
"Bah! I care not for the feelings of insignificant worms such as yourself," snorted Kuno. "Does the lion concern himself with the feelings of sheep? Does the wolf lose sleep over the pigs he consumes?"
"It's not my feelings, it's Akane's!" Aki shot back. "On and on you go about this stupid feudal-era crap, making these declarations about how you can only date Akane if you beat her. Have you ever tried, I dunno, asking her out—like a sane person?!"
"No, he didn't!" Akane answered for Kuno, knowing he would lie about it.
"Figures," Aki shrugged as he released his bat.
"Oh?" asked Kuno. "Giving up, are we?"
"Hardly," replied Aki. "One, you're not worth the effort…and Akane can fight her own battles. Last thing she needs is me trying to whomp you on her behalf…besides, she can whomp you just fine on her own."
"This is why you're my only guy friend in the school!" Akane waved at Aki.
Aki gave a thumbs-up as he backed off, while the other boys turned and left.
"Give Ranma our regards!" one boy called. "He's a lucky, lucky man!"
Ranko rolled her eyes. "Lucky is NOT the word…" she muttered.
Shortly afterwards, the day passed by pretty slowly. In PE, Ranma grabbed onto the high bar and swung on it a few times before he jumped off and landed on his feet.
Everyone applauded him, especially Kenma, who whistled and hooted a couple of times as well. Being a bit vain, Ranma allowed himself to bask in the applause. After all, it wasn't every day he received this sort of adulation. What sort of red-blooded youngster wouldn't wanna soak it all in?
"Man, Ranma's pretty damn good," commented Daisuke.
"I heard he and Kenma went to China to study acrobatics," responded his friend, Hiroshi.
"Kenpo, not acrobatics!" Ranma corrected as he sat down next to them.
Aki, meanwhile, wasn't really paying much attention to the conversation. Rather, he was more focused on watching Akane and the other girls playing softball.
"So, Saotome…I hear you and Akane have gotten…close," said Hiroshi.
"Well, you misheard," Ranma replied. "She's more like the bratty little sister I never asked for!"
"C'mon! She's really cute!" Daisuke insisted.
"To Aki, maybe," replied Kenma. "But the real action's with Nabiki."
Daisuke and Hiroshi glanced at each other…then they scooted over to Kenma.
"How'd you manage to snag the Ice Queen of Nerima?" they asked.
"Fellas, fellas…" Kenma chastised. "I don't kiss and tell."
Immediately, the two brunettes began to genuflect. "YOU ARE A GOD!" they exclaimed.
"Now, now! No need for a fuss, fellas!" Kenma blushed, eating up the attention.
"A GOD, WE SAY!" the duo continued.
Kenma looked around. "...alright, I guess a little fuss is fine~" he grinned.
"Honestly, I just don't get the big deal," commented Ranma. "I mean, it'd be fine if a handful of guys liked Akane…but almost the entire male population? Just sayin' it now, she ain't that hot. She's…uh…what's the word?"
"Tepid?" Kenma suggested.
"Yeah, tepid!" Ranma replied.
KRAK!
"HEADS UP!" called the girls' softball coach. Someone just hit a long ball, which planted itself…
WHOMP!
…directly into Ranma's right cheek.
"Ow!" he exclaimed.
"What happened to all that Kenpo you were talking about?" Daisuke asked, seeing the impact.
"Yeah, shouldn't you have sensed it coming?" Hiroshi asked as well.
"So I was distracted by something else, sue me!" Ranma snapped.
AND SO, AFTER SCHOOL…
Ranma, Kenma and Akane were walking home.
"Um…does it still hurt?" asked Akane.
Ranma had a massive bandage on his right cheek. "...barely," he lied.
"Well, I said I was sorry 30 times," replied Akane. "I'd rather not go for 31."
"Hang on, guys," said Kenma, pointing off to the side. "You see what I see?"
In the middle of the road was Genma in his panda form, sweeping.
"Hey, Pop." Ranma greeted his father. "What are you doin' out here in the street?"
Shortly afterwards, the group was inside, and Dr. Tofu poured some tea for them.
"So my new hire is your father?" he inquired. "You three don't look much alike."
"A fact I am most thankful for," Kenma nodded.
"By the way, what happened to your face?" Dr. Tofu asked.
"...a little accident in PE class, is all," shrugged Ranma.
"Y'know, I've got an ointment to clear that up nicely," said Dr. Tofu. "Just one second, I'll go get it."
As he went off, his telephone rang. Genma went over and picked it up.
…of course, he wasn't in his human form. You see the problem here, right?
AAAAAAARGH, I FORGOT—PANDAS CAN'T TALK! his sign read.
"Then why did you pick it up…?" remarked Kenma. "Moron."
Akane snatched the phone from Genma. "Hello, how can I help you today?" she asked.
…
"...oh, sure," responded Akane, her voice growing somewhat heavier. "Understood. OK, bye." She placed the phone back on the holster. "I'm gonna head home."
"Something wrong?" asked Ranma.
"No, it's nothing," replied Akane.
"So then why are you rushin' off?" asked Ranma. "I figured you'd wanna stay with Doc—"
Akane grabbed him out of the room and slammed him against the wall.
"...stop it," she said. "There's already another person he likes, okay?"
Ranma raised a brow.
"That was her on the phone," explained Akane. "She said she's coming right over."
And then, the front door slid open. "Hello…good afternoon!" called a raspy old voice.
"Whoa-ho!" remarked Ranma. "I gotta say…"
Hobbling in came an old woman.
"Your boy Doc Tofu has got some taste, doesn't he?" Ranma commented.
"THAT IS NOT HER!" Akane screeched.
ELSEWHERE, AT THE SHOPPING PLAZA…
"You're leaving already, Kasumi?" asked the antique store owner.
"I'm just going to stop by the chiropractor and return a book," responded Kasumi. "But thank you for the oil lamp—I just need to clean it up and it'll be a spiffy conversation piece!"
"Hope you enjoy it!" the store owner responded with a wave.
This will be important later, kids. Remember it!
"...so he's in love with Kasumi?" asked Ranma.
"Yeah, how do you know?" asked Kenma as he climbed off Ranma's shoulder.
"...how did you—" started Akane.
"Turned into a fly," replied Kenma.
Akane sighed. "I've seen the way he gets around Kasumi," said Akane. "He loses all sense of himself and becomes a ditzy danger to himself and everyone around him. If he sees her, hears her voice, or any mention of her name, it's like his brain shuts off completely and he's going on autopilot."
Back in the office, Dr. Tofu peeled off the bandage and looked at the massive imprint on Ranma's cheek.
"Hmm…looks like Akane hit this one," he responded. "The depth and angle of the stitches are a dead giveaway."
"Whoa, you can tell just by the impact?" Ranma asked in surprise.
"C'mon!" Akane shouted. "Is it my fault you weren't paying attention?!"
"Sure, blame the guy who wasn't paying attention to the foul ball," Kenma remarked dryly.
"...I was just kidding, actually," Dr. Tofu responded, sheepish.
And now Akane felt even MORE embarrassed.
"B-but there's nothing wrong with being active!" Dr. Tofu insisted, trying to play clean-up. "It just means you're healthy!"
"...if you say so…" gulped Akane.
"Or just sexless," Ranma muttered.
"For once, pull your foot from your mouth," Kenma insisted.
"Hello?" called a familiar voice as the door opened.
The second Kasumi stepped into the room, Dr. Tofu's glasses fogged up, and he immediately gave Ranma's neck a sudden, sharp twist.
KRAK.
Kenma winced. "Damn…that must've been some BIG lettuce the foley guys broke for that one…"
"Did I hear a wet snap just now?" the eldest Tendo daughter inquired as she came in.
"Oh, hi, Kasumi," said Dr. Tofu, completely checked out of reality.
"I thought I heard something like celery cracking," mused Kasumi before she looked over. "...are you okay, Ranma?" she asked.
"Oh, he's been one of my regulars as of late," said Dr. Tofu, patting Genma on the shoulder. "Isn't that right, Ranma?"
The panda held up another sign. I'M HIS FATHER, STUPID!
"So what brings you by?" asked Dr. Tofu.
"I just wanted to return this book I borrowed," said Kasumi. "Plus I made something for you."
She reached into her bag and gave the doctor a plate. "As congratulations on your engagement."
Akane's eyes shot wide open. Engagement?
"Older Sister says what now?" Kenma asked in shock and awe at this announcement.
"I didn't tell you?" asked Kasumi, pulling out a picture of a dark-haired girl who resembled her. "Dr. Tofu is engaged to a young woman around my age. I suppose we look a bit similar, which would explain his…well, erratic behavior. I guess he's just excited for his big day!"
"Yeah, so excited he mucked up my perfectly-good neck," responded Ranma.
"I'll put on some tea." the good doctor said as he shambled into the other room.
"Alright, old man, go…keep him from setting anything on fire," Kenma said.
Genma stumbled off behind the man, as Kasumi watched them go.
"...he's certainly an interesting fellow, isn't he?" she asked.
"Yeah," Akane replied. "...interesting is definitely A word to describe him…"
A LITTLE LATER, BACK AT THE DOJO…
Ranma was off icing his sore neck, while Kenma was outside in the yard. Peering behind a corner, he saw Akane finishing up on one of her usual "blowing-off-steam" exercises.
Clearly she was reeling from today's events.
Kenma pulled out a piece of paper, a pen, and wrote something down. Folding it into an airplane, he wound up and tossed it, letting it fly until it landed in Akane's hair.
With that done, he sprayed himself with water, then used his monkey tail to pull himself onto the roof.
As soon as Akane got the note, she unfolded it and read it.
Take a little time and cool off.
After all, you can't train if your head isn't clear.
And a fighter with an unclear head is a fighter who ends up dead…or at least knocked on their ass.
—Kenma
Akane sighed as she cracked her knuckles. It was going to be another long night…
NEXT UP:
A blast from Ranma's past, and a significant change to the timeline that not even Kenma could've foreseen! Plus, Kasumi might just get her very own B-plot!
Wanna know how it turns out? Then you know what to do.
Please read and review, and NO scammers/bots/etc. asking to do commissions. We know who you are.
In the meantime, we'll probably try to focus on the other stories, which are also in major need of updates…and reviews, to go with 'em, comprende?
OMAKE
Kenma: Hey Ranko, you ever think it's weird you have natural pink hair?
Ranko: Huh? You know, I never thought about that before. But it just feels right.
Nabiki: Yeah, makes you stand out more.
Ranko: Plus, if I had red hair, it would match my red shirt too much.
Kenma: It just makes sense!