Whispers on The Wind
Matthias cannot stop himself from snorting loudly at Lukas' words. 'It has been a while.' The understatement of a century.
He crosses his arms over his chest and gives Lukas a proper glare, feeling annoyance burning in his gut and heating his blood and skin. "What are you even doing here?" He snaps angrily, hoping that his voice sounds sharp enough to at least put Lukas a little bit on edge, but Lukas looks completely unfazed and maybe even amused at his reaction, and it only makes Matthias angrier. "You could at least have the decency to pretend to feel guilty about just showing up only when it suits you and without an explanation."
"Or don't," Matthias mutters angrily after a few moments without response. There is a lump forming in his throat that makes the words stick in his mouth, all bitter and foul. "After all, you're just the pawn under the thumb of our evil king, just trying to help the common people when you can." Matthias spits out his words, incapable of keeping the venom out of his voice. "You just got a shit way of helping us though. Giving advice one moment, killing one of our leaders the next, and then you save a random rebel a second later again. I am getting tired of this whole dance, never knowing whether I should kill you or thank you. So, let's just skip to the point of this whole conversation and make this easier for the both of us. Why are you here?"
"You have every right to be angry with me," Lukas replies calmly, barely lifting an eyebrow at the harsh words, "but I have my reasons for returning. I have tracked your group for a few days now."
"Then you know everything we have gone through the past few days!" Matthias interrupted angrily before Lukas has the chance to continue. "You know about the ambush."
Lukas does not reply, and his face remains calm in a way that confirms Matthias' accusations.
Matthias' mind begins working even harder as he realizes just how deep the betrayal goes. Lukas is a commander for forces in the north, he should have known there was an assault team moving in on the caravan long before they ever found the rebels. He would have known they were getting close, probably days before it happened.
Matthias feels the fury building higher underneath his skin in response, making his cheeks burn hot, even through the biting wind and snow. Before the rebellion, he was the kind of person who always wore his heart on a sleeve and spoke his mind without hesitance, sometimes to the annoyance of people around him. Only after meeting Lukas and hiding secrets from his friends and loved ones for weeks on end has he learned to bottle away his emotion and keep his tongue in check. The pressure has been building for a long time, and realizing Lukas knew about the ambush beforehand is the last straw.
He wants desperately to punch something, throw something and maybe just scream into the darkness of the night to let it all out, but he cannot do that without waking the entire camp.
"You knew they were coming for us," Matthias snarls. "You knew and yet you didn't warm me!" I thought you wanted us to win this rebellion, but you let the soldiers slaughter us back in the forest and rip to shred what little hope many of us had left." He is breathing harshly, and his voice is louder than it should be. "Our numbers are already too few and our resources dwindling. We lose people every single day, and not in battle where we can at least chip away the numbers of our enemies, no! We lose them to cold and starvation instead. Winter is already killing us, and you could not even give us a warning that there were soldiers on our asses!"
He is breathing harshly at the end of his outburst and his arms are shaking with the urge to punch something, to get the pent-up rage out of his system physically when words are not nearly enough.
Lukas steps forward, hands slightly raised as if he wants to argue back, but not a single sound makes it past his lips as he opens his mouth. Instead, a blue light shines dimly on his arms through the fabric of his tunic. It is the same pattern Lukas showed him the last time they saw each other, the magical marks that somehow show the King's punishments.
"Figures," Matthias huffs angrily, glaring at Lukas and the glowing marks.
They stand like that for a moment in silence until Matthias sighs in defeat, realizing Lukas will not take the first step on his own. "Fine, if you cannot defend your own actions, then tell me what you came for." He crosses his arms over his chest, still fuming but knowing he could learn something from listening.
"I really wish I was able to talk to you without restrain, but it is not under my control," Lukas says, and Matthias is unable to read anything from the tone of his voice. "I overheard the conversation between you and your companions, and I know of your plan to take you small team to the Capital and that you plan to take the mountain pass to get there." He pauses and waits for Matthias to nod sharply as a signal for him to continue.
"You do know that the path you have chosen is a dangerous one. That road is perfectly safe in the summer month, but it is an infamous death-trap during winter and have lured many an experienced traveler to their death. The roads are slick with ice all the way up the mountain, and the only thing not covered in snow are the sharp peaks of rock that will slice you open when you eventually slip or miss a step. If the ice does not get you, the wolves usually do. They are viciously hungry at this time of year when food is in short supply and the path is too narrow to allow an easy escape."
"Thank you for stating the obvious," Matthias mutters darkly. "I was not at all feeling horrible enough about this situation before you showed up. Are you trying to make me change my mind about going? Because I won't." He is angry and annoyed, and Lukas is doing nothing to improve his mood.
Lukas sighs and looks away, almost as if he is feeling disappointed or maybe even guilty. "I just want to make sure that you are being careful about this decision of yours," he says, and there is a strange note in his voice that Matthias has not heard before.
"As if you really care about us," Matthias snaps harshly. "You just want us to win so that you can get free from those magic bindings and be free to go find your brother like you really want to do. You're just using us for your own selfish agenda." He breathes raggedy and his chest heaves. It feels good to finally vent and let out some of those emotions he has bottled up for so long. He knows he can never tell anybody about his run-ins with Lukas or he will be accused as a traitor, and very likely killed for it. Most of the rebels have seen Lukas in action against them and how he murdered Brynjar in cold blood. He had not even known how much those thoughts had weighed him down until he finally let it out.
Lukas has the nerve to smile at Matthias' rant. "Secret weight heavy on your heart," he says calmly, and it only serves to fuel Matthias' annoyance. "You might not believe me, but that is a good thing. The inability to tell lies easily is the sign of a good man. I am glad to see that you find it no easy task to keep a secret."
"With how many opinions you have about my secrets, what do you feel about your own?" Matthias snaps at him.
"If I felt the weight of the secrets that I keep, I would have crumbled a long time ago," Lukas says coldly, and Matthias feels dread settle in his stomach as Lukas blatantly admits he does not see himself as a good man. "You should not ask questions you do not wish to know the answer to," Lukas continues sharply. "You knew the answer before you asked. You should not be surprised."
"You could always lie, you know," Matthias replies weakly, the anger in him fading. He shivers on the spot and rubs his arms to get some warmth back into his limbs after the ice bath that was Lukas' honesty.
"Yes, I could," Lukas agrees, "but I see no reason why I should. You already have enough difficulties listening to my advice already, it would not be wise of me to give you any further reason to distrust me."
Matthias feels the cold settle deeper in his gut and shudders. The have been several moments in the past when he believed there was something good in Lukas, making him redeemable, but then he turned around to say or do something that makes Matthias doubt that he even has a shred of humanity in him at all. At moments like this it is really hard to remind himself that he has Lukas to thank that the rebels are alive, and that he personally made sure that Matthias died not die from his infected wound. Lukas sat by his bedside and even sang to him, there has to be something in him that cares.
Matthias swallows thickly and clears his throat in a weak attempt to chase away the uncomfortable silence. "Let's get back to the real subject again," he says, realizing only then that his voice sounds strange. "You say this road is so dangerous, are you here to make me change my mind and drag my friend somewhere else when we have already agreed?" There is still some bitterness in his voice, the last traces of anger.
A tiny smirk flickers at the corner of Lukas' mouth, but it disappears just as quickly. "No, I just wanted to confirm that you were willing to risk the mountain pass in winter, and to make sure you are aware of the dangers that road brings."
Matthias' forehead crinkles in thought as he realizes Lukas is dancing around the subject, pushing Matthias to ask more questions too, which he does. "What if I had told you that we were planning to take the long way round the mountains instead? What would you do then? You did after all make it very clear that we're facing jagged rocks, hungry wolves and whatnot." He hates this game of words. It would be so much easier if Lukas could just say straight out what he wanted.
"Then I would have to revise my plans," Lukas replies lightly. "Maybe play down the dangers of the mountains and tell you it is the forest that is full of wolves. That would be a lie of course, because that is usually the safest travel route south. That is of course when it is not full of soldiers and spies making their way north. It is a lot easier to track someone on that road and remain unseen."
"Great," Matthias sighs. "Exactly what I need, more vague hints. I don't know if you caught on, but I used to be a farmer and occasional hunter, never a scholar. I was not meant to go over every word somebody says to make sure I catch every hidden meaning." He is frustrated enough that he wants to tear his hair out. "You told me the last time we met that you couldn't tell me anything of the King's plans, but it sure sound like you're saying there are soldiers waiting for us on the forest path and that it would really be the smarter choice to take the mountain pass to avoid getting caught?"
Matthias actually receives a wry smile in return for that. "A spider can weave intricate webs, but sometimes there are cracks big enough for and insect to make its way through." He goes quiet and seems to think long and careful about what to say next.
"I guess it you compare yourself to the insect in this example?" Matthias says flatly. "Making the king and his orders the spider." The fight has left him by now and he is just shivering in the cold without the fury to keep him warm. His teeth are clattering together, and his fingers turning numb as he listens to the wind howling around his ears.
After far too many moments of silence, Lukas seems to have found his words again, though when he speaks again it is slow and careful. "There is an up-and-coming captain from the Capital, following his own path to higher ranks rather than follow the orders of his king and commanding officer." Lukas gives Matthias a look, hoping for him to catch more hidden meanings it may seem. "The Capital and surrounding towns all have noticeboards with the faces of certain rebel-leaders decorating them. He hopes that if he captures a rebel leader to bring back to the King for questioning, then he can look forward to a promotion and a fine retirement in a few years time."
Matthias keeps quiet, letting Lukas speak, but he shivers at the mention of noticeboards and posters everywhere. Those will make it far more difficult to get into the city by any legal means, and it was not a risk he mentioned for the others when he came up with the plan.
"After the crushing loss outside of Aeston, this captain sought to join an assault team chasing down rebels in the north." Lukas grimaces and tenses his jaw as the markings on his skin glow brighter through his clothes, warning him that he is treading on dangerous grounds when it comes to his orders. "A fortnight ago, he split from the company with a group of men loyal to himself, all of them highly trained trackers and spies. It left the assault team with fewer men than originally planned, and they were less equipped to deal with the rebels."
"Were you supposed to be with the assault team?" Matthias asks carefully, realizing he might not get an answer, judging from the markings on Lukas' skin, which do glow brighter as Lukas opens his mouth to answer but clenches his jaw tight immediately after, still quiet. "You were," Matthias states grimly, interpreting the silence as a yes and realizing that the enemy attack could have been far worse than it was. Had Lukas been on the battlefield with a company more of highly trained soldiers, the battlefield would have looked far more different, and not in a good way.
"When the King finds out I did not lead his troops through the attack he will punish me severely," Lukas forces out through gritted teeth. "He will weave his net of orders even tighter. That is if he does not finally realize that I am more a hindrance than an asset and have me locked away or killed. It would probably be easier for everybody if you killed me right now, before he gets a chance to put further orders on me."
"No," Matthias replies quickly before even thinking, "absolutely not". He wants to break that line of conversation as quickly as possible, not even willing to consider that path of action. "Gods, how could you even say that." He gives Lukas a wounded look, but Lukas does not look fazed, he looks dead serious. Matthias swallows thickly, feeling uncomfortable. "Let's talk about something else, like how did you weasel out of the particular order to be with your attack team?"
Lukas is kind enough to let the subject rest, but there is a flicker of disappointment on his face, which Matthias chooses to ignore. "It just so happens that part of my job is to make sure there are no deserters among the King's men," Lukas says dryly. "It is a rule he placed upon me years ago, but an order none the less. A traitorous captain leaving in the middle of the night was worth chasing down. True, the King might have preferred me to follow him at a more opportune time and not the eave of battle, but how could I possibly know I was needed the following day?" There is sarcasm lacing Lukas' every word, and Matthias almost laughs.
"That was bold of you," Matthias says, genuinely impressed. He would have thought the King was clever enough to phrase his orders in a way to avoid such a simple loophole existing, with a conflicting order from years earlier. "This captain you mentioned," he continues, "he is really looking for me though, isn't he? I know that there are posters with my face out there, you showed them to me after Griven, it's just been so long I forgot they even existed."
"You are one of the more renowned rebels, which is true," Lukas replies. "There is also Torleif and your friend the smith. There are also a few others the Capital know by name, but their rewards are not high enough that they would dare to go against the orders of their commander to track them down on their own. Your capture on the other hand is sure to earn the captain and his men a quick promotion. That is of course if he actually manages to capture you, return to the Capitol and convince the King that they did not abandon the company that died horribly in their absence." Lukas' tone is flat, and he shows no signs of grief for the lives lost. "He does not know I never participated in that battle walked away unscathed, and for all he knows, they are the only survivors. Now that your group has split away from the rest, it is the perfect opportunity for him to track you down. Lucky for you, this weather has forced him wait for a better opportunity."
"And if we should decide to follow the safe route around the mountains, then he will have plenty of opportunities for an easy capture along the way," Matthias finishes gravely. He shudders at the thought of enemy soldiers hiding somewhere in the forest, following their every step without him or any of the others having noticed.
Lukas nods in confirmation. "Your group might also be short on time," he says. "I will eventually have to make my way back to the Capital and give the King a report of what happened. He will demand to know how I failed in my mission yet again and why the rebels are still alive when he wanted them all wiped out. If he asks the right questions, then I will have no choice but to answer him. So, you need to be aware that if I get to the capital before you, there is a chance the King might know of your plans, and he will be ruthless in response. If I get to keep my life at all, there is a small chance I will have any sense of freedom ever again."
Lukas takes a short break, but Matthias has no words for him.
"You will also have to make sure to arrive before the captain does. He will make sure that men loyal to him will be looking for you and you will have ha hard time getting into the city without the guards arresting you, or the citizens fighting to turn you in for the reward. He knows your face now and knows that the scared boy on those old posters look nothing the man and leader you have become since then."
Lukas' eyes glint mischievously, and Matthias clears his throat loudly, trying to ignore the flaming in his cheeks at the words. "I feel really guilty for yelling at you now," Matthias says. "I am actually beginning to believe for real that you want us rebels to win and that you're not just messing with us."
Lukas looks like he wants to interrupt, but Matthias holds up a hand, signaling for him to keep quiet a just little while longer. "I know, I know. You could still be lying, blah, blah. You are not to be trusted, yadda, yadda, but the evidence is beginning to pile up in your favor at last, no matter how much you warn me against yourself."
Matthias stands perfectly frozen in place, waiting to see what Lukas will do next and even holding his breath for seconds as a time before letting it out again in a white fog. He catches himself thinking that Lukas looks so much smaller than before. His skin is so pale, and as Lukas steps closer to the faint glow of the torch, Matthias can see the hint of dark circles underneath his eyes. There is also a faint crease on his forehead that one would most often see on somebody suppressing severe pain. He looks exhausted and even vulnerable, and it is a shocking thing for Matthias to realize.
The Lukas in Matthias' mind is so powerful and untouchable and it is strange to see him like this.
With their faces only centimeters apart, Matthias feels as if Lukas is mentally taking him apart, piece by piece and trying to figure out how he works, and he looks curious about what he sees.
Time seems to stand still for a long time, and Matthias swallows around a lump that seems to be forming in his throat. He coughs carefully, hoping to cut through the building tension. "You know, when you look at me like that, it almost makes me worder if you're about to kiss me." He is aiming for a light and humorous, trying to hide his anxiety and the razing pulse underneath his skin. When the silence lingers on for a few seconds without response he averts his gaze and quickly says: "That or turn me into a pile of ash at the snap of your fingers."
Matthias bites his tongue to keep from saying anything more foolish as he waits for Lukas to break the silence this time, cursing himself the whole time for the inability to keep his mouth shut.
Eventually Lukas does sigh, and he appears to shrink even further in on himself, Matthias can see it from the corner of his vision. "I have dragged out this conversation longer than I should have," he mutters quietly. "I should take my leave."
"Don't just walk away from me like that!" Matthias snaps in a panic as he whirls back to face Lukas, and his voice sounds shrill even to his won ears, bad enough that he winces. "There is more you want to say, I can see it! What is even the point of holding back anything now? To me it seems obvious that you're heading down a path where you're gonna end up trapped. I'm the only ally you've got, but I can't help you if you don't talk to me."
A bitter smile creeps up on Lukas' face. "That is all very true," he says. "You are my only ally, yet I can feel the ashes you have started carrying with you since last I saw you."
It feels like an accusation, and Matthias automatically reaches for the pouch he recently added to his belt, feeling his heart skip a few beats. He had not really expected Lukas to notice them at all, it did sound like superstition from Eir, and he feels a little guilty for having armed himself specifically against Lukas.
"Do not misunderstand," Lukas continues firmly, ignoring Matthias' unease. "It is good that you have taken precautions, should the worst come to pass. You are still missing a few components to be truly protected, but you are well on your way." He turns silent for a few seconds, apparently considering his words. "I am not used to depending on others, and I no longer make a habit of asking others for help."
"You're not asking though, I'm offering," Matthias says quietly.
Lukas considers for a long few moments more before he resigns. "This might be the last chance I have to speak with you with my will being my own," he says slowly. "Maybe I will ask you that favor."
"Anything," Matthias agrees quickly. The words are easy leaving his mouth, and he means them, with every fiber of his being, but he regrets them when he sees the face Lukas makes in return. It looks like his thoughts suddenly are far away, his eyes closed, and brows furrowed with pain of memories long past. Matthias hates himself for having put that expression on his face, and he does not like the new direction of the conversation.
"You should be careful with your promises," Lukas says. "That is the exact word that got me into to all of this trouble those many years ago. I told you already that I do not wish to die in this war, not unless I absolutely have to, but I am beginning to accept that it might be inevitable." He licks his lips in an uncharacteristic show of nerves. "My greatest regret is that I have not been able see my brother again since the day I made my promise, if only to make sure he is safe. I know he is alive, but that is only because the magic put on would break if he was to die."
Lukas suddenly yanks up one of the sleeves of his tunic to show off more of his glowing markings, the proof that his brother is still alive. "I can only assume that he is being kept safe somewhere I cannot get to him. Probably under the protection of guards that are to make sure he remains unharmed unless the King orders otherwise. All I want is for him to be found and freed. If I die in this war, then I cannot do that for myself."
A single tear rolls down Lukas' cheek and freezes before it hits the ground.
Matthias has to fight himself to keep from lifting his hand to dry the traces of tears away. A creature like Lukas that is so unused to kindness is not likely to appreciate touch from someone he sought out as a last resort, so he keeps to his word. "Tell me exactly what the favor is then, and I'll decide afterwards if it is something I'm willing and capable to do."
"If I die," Lukas begins gravely, voice thick with suppressed emotions. "If I die and you defeat the King, I would like for you to find my brother and have him released. It should be a matter of asking the right people or sending a letter. When the King and I are both dead, there is no reason to keep him locked up. At least that is what I hope." There are more unshed tears gathering in Lukas' eyes, and he harshly brushes them away. "I would like to face my possible death with at least the hope that my brother will not have to suffer any more from my actions and that he will be free to make his own way in the future."
Matthias quickly finds the courage to grab one of Lukas' hands, keeping him from pulling away and locking gaze. Lukas' skin is freezing cold, only natural with how lightly he is dressed in the howling wind, but there is a strange warmth emanating from the blue markings. "Lukas," he says gravely. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to save your brother should you not be able to. Look at me, look at my face, see that I am telling you the truth." Lukas averts his eyes, but Matthias is not done yet. "I have had many doubts about you and about all the things I have done just because you told me to, but this is a task I will take on without hesitation."
Lukas smiles sadly at that, and he gently uses his own free hand to pry away Matthias' fingers from his arm. "You have no idea what that means to me," he says quietly. "You should go back to your group now, get some rest, you are going to need it tomorrow. You all have a long and dangerous road ahead, and there is little I can do to aid you out there."
Matthias can only stare as Lukas turns away and disappears in the whirling snow within seconds, hating the defeated posture he reads on Lukas' shoulders. His guts are in an uproar, his heart beating madly and his mind screaming at him to run after Lukas and find a way to end his suffering.
After several long seconds he swallows heavily, accepting that Lukas will not return tonight. He finally turns back to where he came from where the campfire is his only guide back. He uses the time walking back thinking back on the conversation he just had. The rapid changes in Lukas over the past few minutes have left him uneasy and sad, but finally, the doubts have left him about Lukas' intentions. There is no trick to make Matthias and the rebels do what he wants for his own personal gain, it is all just hope that Matthias might want to do a selfless thing and save somebody that never asked to be part of this mess or had the choice to avoid it.
The sudden urge to protect Lukas from everything cruel in life is scaring the life out of him. He already has enough on his plate leading the sabotage-group to the Capital, he should think about them and the mission, not just this one man. Lukas is too dangerous and a distraction that can cost them everything.
Matthias furiously wipes away a few frustrated tears that are forcing their way out heaves after breath as he forces down the emotions that are suddenly threatening to tear him apart. He needs to get himself back under control, the lines of his thought too dangerous to consider. He has finally returned to the fire and prepares to wake the next person in line for guard duty.
When he lays down, he prays for sleep to take him quickly so he will not have to spend the rest of the night agonizing over his conversation with Lukas and face the dangerous crossing on little to no rest.