AN: Holy crap have I left my comfort zone when it comes to writing with this chapter and the previous one. I am just going to assume from the view-statistic that the last chapter was… well… something. I don't know what, but I've never had so many views on a chapter in such a short amount of time. But also don't hesitate to let me know what you think: good, bad or worse, I will accept it all and learn from it… I just, I don't know…
Moment of Clarity
"Lukas." Matthias tries saying again, but his voice cracks pathetically from the strain, making him sound absolutely terrified.
Lukas' eyes are glowing dangerously; unnaturally bright in the dim light of the room. He is wearing a high collared jacket, but there is a glimpse of glowing blue symbols creeping up his neck as a dangerous reminder of the spell that controls him. He does not seem to recognize Matthias at all as he stalks forwards one slow step at the time, like a predator stalking pray and just waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce. His hands are curled gently, almost as if he is ready to claw at his opponent rather than throw a punch like most people would do if they were unarmed and about to enter a fight. It strikes him as strange, but he has no time to dwell on it.
"Lukas, please" Matthias repeats louder. He fights to get his legs back into working order, but they wobble precariously underneath him. He holds his hands up in front of himself, useless as they are while still tied together. He should not look like a threat like this, but if Lukas is overwhelmed by his orders, then killing a defenseless opponent is not an issue for him.
The only things that can truly stop Lukas sits on the table several steps away and Matthias will never make it there in time. The Rat King proved that all too clear when he dove for the bags of ash to try stopping Lukas for himself.
Matthias' heart is beating a staccato in his chest as he watches Lukas approach. He lifts his hands on instinct to protect his face, even though he knows it will do noting to save him. The sleeve of his shirt is still hanging a little loose around his arm after the rough treatment and he can feel it slip down to his elbow, revealing the brand once again.
Maybe it is a stroke of luck, or maybe it is fate. Whatever it might be, Lukas hesitates in his steps; his gaze narrows in on the brand and he stops walking.
Matthias keeps his voice soft and careful. "Lukas? Can you hear me?"
The unnatural glow finally seems to fade from Lukas' eyes. He blinks, slowly becoming aware of himself. It almost looks as is he is waking up from a dream, seeming confused as he takes in his surroundings. The tense hold of his fingers eases up from their claw-like curl and he lifts them up before his eyes as if he is confused by them or their appearance.
Then he registers the blood on his hands and recoils, backtracking until he almost hits the dead body behind him. He looks at Matthias then around the room, taking notice of the three rats and their king that is lying on the floor. His eyes go wide, and his mouth drops open as if he cannot fathom what has just happened, even though he is the one that did it.
The room is truly a disaster. The first three rats were the lucky ones in the fight, their lives ending quickly and within seconds, not leaving much time for fear or suffering. The Rat King is a mess in comparison, and barely recognizable with his broken limbs and the bloodied mess that is all that remains of his face.
It is also obvious that Lukas is the one who did it. His hands are covered in blood, and there is much more spattered across his clothes.
Lukas' gaze snaps back to Matthias, then down at his hands and back again. He stumbles forward, his hands reaching out as if he wants to touch, but then he pulls back just as quick. "Did I?" He stutters, and Matthias has only once before heard such fear in his voice, and that was when he accidentally activated the bond between them. "Please tell me I did not hurt you."
"I'm fine," Matthias replies. "I'm not hurt."
Lukas keeps his distance; he stares at the brand and at the ropes looped tight around Matthias wrists, leaving red marks that will surely turn into some deep bruises in their own time. He does not look convinced by his assurance.
"This is all the Rat King's doing," Matthias quickly says, trying to gesture with his bound hands. He does not like the look in Lukas' eyes, like his explanation has no effect. He no longer looks like a predator but rather the prey and he is ready to make a run for it. "Please, you need to help get out of the ropes." He knows he sounds desperate, but if Lukas flees then he will have a true struggle on his hands to get free and find his way out of this castle alive.
Lukas stutters out a reply that makes absolutely no sense, and walks backs away even further, stepping over the dead body like that will make a proper barrier. He I pale as a sheet and refuses to look Matthias in they eye, his gaze flickering just about everywhere else. "I do not know if I can," He says eventually. "I do not trust myself not to hurt you."
"Please," Matthias begs. "I don't think you will hurt me. You came here to save me. I trust you."
His reassurances do nothing, and Lukas still looks much like a trapped animal. "You saw what I just did," Lukas whispers. "I did not just kill that man, I destroyed him" His voice rises in volume and he tears at his hair. "I did not even care either. I would have torn him limb from limb and scattered his remains across the city for all to see! That is not the actions of somebody worthy of trust from anybody."
"You didn't really do it just for the sake of being cruel. You did it to save me, and I think your instincts just got the better of you," Matthias replies carefully, keeping his eyes firmly trained on Lukas to show that he is not afraid of him in any way. "There is a difference even though you might not want to see that right now."
"I would do it again and I would do worse!" Lukas snarls and in an instant, he is in Matthias' face and baring his teeth. His throat is making a strange growling sound that sounds far more animal than human. "I will destroy anyone that dare touch you again!" He is tense as a bowstring, shaking with rage. There is a flicker of that unnatural blue glow in his eyes again.
Matthias presses his back against the wall on instinct at the sight of that glow. He knows that any wrong word or movement will set off the commands that will force Lukas to kill against his will. The tangled web of magic orders and instinct make his reactions hard to predict, but Matthias knows Lukas is fighting against them with everything he has got. He has seen Lukas' greatest fears with his own eyes in a dream. He knows what Lukas is fighting so hard not to lose, he can even feel it over the bond and now that they are so close together, the connection between them is strong.
It almost feels arrogant to think of himself as someone's greatest desire, but their connection leaves no doubt in Matthias' mind that it is what Lukas thinks of him. It is almost like he can hear Lukas' thoughts, feel the conflicting forces fighting for dominance, the King against Lukas. There is a voice he knows belongs to the King after hearing it in last night's nightmare, and it is a constant repetition of: 'Kill, Kill, KILL! The rebel scum must die.' It is forceful and hateful, but the other voice is stronger and that one is screaming 'protect!' and 'mine!' with a fury that is unmatched, like a blazing fire, all hot and consuming.
A strange calmness settles over him and he relaxes against the wall, letting out a breath that sounds almost like a laugh. He is facing a snarling beast, but he is not afraid.
The sudden change appears to startle Lukas as his brow creases in confusion. Likely, he was expecting Matthias to cower in fear. Most people probably would have done so if they found themselves in the same circumstances. "What are you doing?" he hisses.
Slowly Matthias reaches out for Lukas with his bound hands, carefully keeping eye-contact between them.
Lukas flinches back, almost as expected, but he does not move away, and more importantly for Matthias, he does not attack and Matthias carefully rests his fingertips against Lukas' cheek in the softest of caresses. Their skin buzzes when they touch, the brand growing warm on Matthias' arm and both of them shudder at the contact.
Their bond seems to calm and the two forces fighting for dominance over Lukas' will quiet down. Much like water quieting down after a storm, allowing for stirred up dirt and sediment to slowly settle on the bottom once more to leave clear water behind.
When Lukas looks up again, the unnatural glow is entirely gone from his eyes. He looks smaller somehow, almost fragile. He grabs Matthias arm, staring at the red markings like they have offended him, and he shudders again, seemingly shaking himself out of a stupor. "I?" he stutters to a stop again, then finally comes to his senses. "You could have gotten killed!" He snaps and there is a hysterical edge to his voice. "I could have killed you!"
"I didn't get killed," Matthias says calmly. "You didn't kill me, neither would you have." It is strange to be the calm party in a conversation. Usually he is the one unable to keep his temper and impatience in check, his mouth working faster than his mind. He smiles in a way he hopes is disarming and holds up his bound hands between them. "Do you think maybe you can cut these ropes now?"
The glare he receives in return is not an amused one, but Matthias already knows that the anger comes from a place of worry and does not take it to heart. Lukas does however let go of Matthias' arm and retreats a few steps.
"How is your control?" Matthias asks carefully, wanting to keep the conversation going, as talking leaves less room for overthinking. He already misses the contact between them, but he already knows the answer to the question.
"Surprisingly strong," Lukas replies flatly, "but I suspect you already knew that." His tone sounds accusing and Matthias cannot blame him.
"I had a feeling," Matthias says with half a smile. "I don't think I can get a read on you when you are under direct influence of the King, the bond just feels quiet then and it is not quiet right now."
"You cannot be sure of that," Lukas snaps. "I could just have easily blacked out and killed you instead."
Matthias just shrugs, something that must look absolutely ridiculous with his hands bound as they are.
With a huff of air, Lukas crouches down to search for the knife he used to remove the Rat King's eyes and tongue. His hands are shaking the entire time and when he finally finds it, he wipes some of the blood away before he begins the task of cutting away the ropes around Matthias' wrists at last, each motion careful as if he is scared of losing control of the knife.
"How did you know to come save me?" Matthias asks, not liking the silence.
"I felt your fear," Lukas replies. He pauses his cutting and runs a finger along the markings on Matthias' arm and making him shiver under the touch. "I hope nobody noticed my disappearance and though it strange, I did leave rather abruptly." He continues cutting very carefully, keeping his eyes carefully on the ropes, avoiding Matthias' eyes. "I thought I was going to lose you," he whispers.
"You didn't," Matthias says gently, wishing he could comfort Lukas further. There is only so much that words can do and saying the right thing at the right time is not really his specialty. Instead he has to stand there and wait with what must surely be a stupid expression, just staring at Lukas as he works. "You stopped when you noticed the markings on my arm. Do you think that the bond between us is stronger than the King's spell on you?"
Lukas makes a strange sound that Matthias cannot identify, and the first rope finally snaps.
"I cannot explain that," Lukas says quietly. "My mind felt clearer than it has in a very long time, but the bond should not work like that. You are the one that made the promise, I should not be affected by the deal that you struck with the fates." The knife clatters to the floor between them as it falls away from Lukas' shaking fingers. Apparently he does not want to hold on to it any longer than he has to. He continues to remove the rest of the ropes by hand, ever so carefully, and Matthias lets him. "I can still the pull of his orders, it is like an itch under my skin." His gaze turns vacant and his jaw tenses. "I am supposed to prepare the city for a siege. I should not be here."
"The King might not approve, but you are in a way preparing the city for a siege right now." Matthias says, and he cannot hold back a teasing grin from forming on his face, finally finding an opportunity to lighten the air a little. It is not much, but anything helps. "I am preparing for the siege, and you are helping me, it is just not what the King intended. It is his own fault if he did not specify."
Lukas makes another strange sound that Matthias cannot identify properly and he refuses to look up at him. Instead, he busies himself with the ropes that have finally come off Matthias's wrists, running his fingers along each deep grove left behind, checking for damage beyond bruising, and Matthias revels in the touch.
"I wish I could heal these for you," Lukas says quietly, lingering on one of the deeper groves and cradles Matthias' hands between his much smaller and more delicate ones. "Sadly, magic like that always has a price and usually not one worth paying."
"You can kiss it better," Matthias says cheekily, wondering briefly if he has gone mad. He should not be feeling this brave under the circumstances. They are within one of the King's most secret rooms, the door is still unlocked and they can be discovered at any time. There are four dead rats on the floor and their deaths were certainly not quiet. He should be terrified right now and wanting to get out of here as fast as his legs can possibly carry him, but instead he finds himself lingering at the scene of the crime, and flirting. He surely must be losing his mind, and he still has not made any attempt to get his hands back.
Lukas' presence is making him far bolder than he has any right to be considering the circumstances.
He is not surprised when the look Lukas gives him in return is one of surprised shock.
"Not the time for that?" Matthias asks lightly.
"Certainly not," Lukas replies, sharply, but there is not real heat behind his words. "It would not do you any good either." His fingers brushes over the bruises again and shake his head.
"I disagree," Matthias says. "I think it would make me feel much better."
To his surprise Lukas actually begins laughing. It is a quiet thing and he barely notices it at first, but he does feel a fond warmth from their bond.
"You are far to trusting," Lukas tells him, but he does not let go of Matthias' hands. He has eyed the marks upon his wrist at least three times and seem reluctant to let go. "You should not tempt fate like that."
"You seem to be in excellent control of yourself," Matthias says.
"I still believe you have been lucky to survive our encounters this far," Lukas replies, and it seems he finally has gathered enough resolve to push Matthias away from himself. "I cannot keep fighting against the King's for much longer, I will slip up soon enough, I know that for certain. More often than not, trying to find loopholes in his orders make me black out and lose time completely. I will wake up and come to my senses several hours after I was last aware, and more often than not I will find myself covered in blood that is not my own!" He takes a deep, shuddering breath. "The next time I lose myself, I might wake up and find you, dead at my feet and killed by my own hands."
Matthias is not going to let him get away that easy, especially not after that admission. He grasp Lukas' hands before they can separate, pulling him closer instead, until they are flush against each other. Despite always urging Matthias to keep his distance, Lukas has never resisted Matthias' touch, not really. He gives in, time and time again.
"You have better control than you think," Matthias reassures him gently as he wraps his arms carefully around Lukas. "I trust you, and I will keep telling you that exact thing until you no longer need to hear it. No matter how many times that might be."
Lukas melts in his embrace, resting his entire weight against Matthias. He is a shaking mess, his breathing stuttering as he allows Matthias to comfort him. He does not cling to Matthias, instead his hands and curled into careful fists that he keeps between both of their chests as if he is worried they might do something horrible against his will. "It is easier to stay in control when I am calm, but I find that rather challenging these days." He pauses again. "I gained something to lose the day I realized I was beginning to feel something for you. That makes it so much harder to focus on what should be important and I find myself distracted."
Matthias hums and rests his chin atop Lukas' hair, breathing in the scent of him. He thinks he might be catching a few notes of fresh pine an grass, and each inhale reminds Matthias of nature and of freedom. It is all buried underneath layers of sweat and blood sure, but still there. It suits him, to still carry a smell of what must be his home, even after so much time away from it; like it is something so fundamental it can never be changed.
They just stand there, quietly taking advantage of the time they have together before it can be torn away from them again.
"I can feel his commands even now," Lukas admits quietly and buries his face against Matthias' sternum. "No matter how much you are trying to distract me."
Matthias kisses the top of his head to distract and comfort him. It is still strange how Lukas can change so quickly from the snarling beast on the verge of killing everything in his proximity to the docile creature seeking comfort in his embrace, but Matthias is not going to complain. When they are this close, he can feel more nuances of Lukas' emotions bleed through their bond, and in return he tries to keep his own thoughts calm, hoping that it will help Lukas deal with his own turmoil without any further outside influence.
"Are you going to be okay?" Matthias whispers.
"I have to be," Lukas replies.
"We just have to keep it together for a few more days," Matthias says. "A few more days and you will be free."
Lukas does not try to argue against him and point out all the ways that they can still fail, but he pushes his hands gently against Matthias' chest in a silent demand that he wants to be released. "You should probably leave," he says, but Matthias can feel the reluctance as Lukas steps out his reach. "If there is anything you and your friends want to smuggle out of the guard district, then I suggest you do it sooner rather than later. When the King hears news of what happened here, he will order the district locked down. You will be hard pressed to find you way in here again, even with keys and uniforms."
Matthias just nods in understanding, there is nothing else for him to do.
It feels a little strange to walk over to the table that holds all the items that can harm and kill Lukas when he stands just a few footsteps away, watching it all when Matthias wants to do little more than burn down everything down to ashes so nobody can ever use it against him.
He picks up his keys first, hesitating a little before he pockets the copper one that is part of the reason the Rat King figured out there was something more going on between him and Lukas than there should. Then he picks up the pouches of ashes, followed by some of the foxglove and the last page the Rat King taunted him with, tucking it all carefully into a pocket. The rest of the foxglove and all of the pages he scatters across the table and down on the floor to hide the evidence of just how close the Rat King came to figuring out how to kill the King's most valuable weapon.
There is a strange sound from Lukas, and Matthias turns around to see him grimacing at the plant. His emotions are already taking a darker turn and Matthias can sense the King's will over their bond again, his voice growing louder, fraying the edges of Lukas' self control.
"So this really does work then?" Matthias asks.
Lukas does not reply, but his expression grows dark as his lips thins as if there is plenty he wants to say but cannot express it in any way.
"Right," Matthias says quietly, suddenly remembering that Lukas has never been able to talk about this sort of thing directly, and that is why he got the book to begin with. One way of telling Matthias everything that Lukas could not. "I am really sorry," he continues. "I really wish I did not have to do this." He gestures at the table and the offending foxglove.
"I still wish you could just kill me now and have it over with," Lukas says bitterly, through clenched teeth. "It would improve your chances drastically."
"No can do," Matthias returns quickly, his own temper flaring up a little at the words. He refuses to feel guilty about wanting to keep Lukas alive. He knows what causes the sudden resentment he feels over their bond and lifts up his sleeve and holds up his arm with the markings towards Lukas. "Even if this did not exist, hurting you in any way would be the absolute last resort I'd turn to!"
"My life is expendable," Lukas insists. "Or it was, until you tied your life to mine."
"Not to me!" Matthias returns immediately and all resemblance of calm within both of them is gone; killed, burned and thrown to the winds at the toss of a coin. It is probably not healthy at all, being so attached to one other person when there is so much else at stake and when both of them are so unwilling to cause the other any harm. They have other things they need to do elsewhere in the city, they both know that, but neither do either of them care. Not when there is a fire burning under their skins as they stare at each other.
"You should go," Lukas says, but it does not sound convincing. His face is cold, empty, he is even baring his teeth like an animal once more, but there is something else simmering underneath the surface.
Matthias considers it for a moment. He even looks at the door but his brain has other ideas it wants to follow through.
'Fuck it!' he thinks suddenly, mind made up. He is not going to let them go their separate ways like this, with so many things left unsaid. Damn the consequences.
He marches his way right into Lukas' space, grasp his face between his hands and kisses him thoroughly, crashing their lips together like his life depends on it. He clings to him desperately, expecting Lukas to push him away, but he never does.
He does the exact opposite in fact, pulling Matthias in closer, grabbing on the edges of his stolen chest plate and kisses him back just as urgently.
Their teeth clack together harshly, but Matthias does not care. He wants more, anything he can get. Inexperience makes him clumsy, but he is determined to make up for it with enthusiasm. Without any idea of where to put his hands, he lets them roam wherever he can reach, running them down Lukas' neck, his shoulder, down his back and up again.
Matthias' is not sure if it is humor that he feels over the bond when their noses knock against each other, but the feeling is fond rather than mocking, so he continues what he is doing, not feeling discouraged at all. There are other things taking priorities in his mind. He is kissing Lukas, nothing else matters and there is little he wants more. The whole castle could be burning down around them and he would not notice.
Lukas' fingers are in his hair, carefully carding through it and running fingers along his scalp. It feels amazing and Lukas is smiling against his lips and gently tilts their heads just slightly, changing everything for the better.
They fit together like this, Matthias realizes. Their noses no longer colliding, and they can get even closer.
He loves it.
Lukas' hands are gentle, still shaking a little as if he is afraid of something.
He runs his tongue along the seam of Matthias' lips and Matthias gasps in response, surprised.
Lukas takes the opportunity to lick into his mouth. Careful at first, allowing Matthias to catch up, then growing fiercer, which Matthias returns in kind, eager to learn. He is fine being clay, molded by Lukas's hands.
He never wants this to end. He clings to Lukas, bringing their bodies flush together. Their bond sings, urging them on, adding fuel to the fire. Matthias cannot separate all the impressions and figure out if they belong to himself or not, not that he cares either. They both feel the same, they both want each other, that is all that matters.
Lukas does not seem to mind his inexperience but seem equally desperate for contact.
Pretty soon, Matthias finds himself pressed against a wall, quite forcefully knocking the breath out of his lungs. Lukas releases him just long enough to gasp for air and then begins his onslaught anew, trapping him against the wall, pulling Matthias' face down do meet his.
Matthias feels powerful like this, being wanted by one of the most powerful men in the entire Kingdom and having his undivided attention. He can feel the possessive edge of Lukas' mind returning, claiming his as his own.
Teeth are nipping at his lower lip, and then suddenly, Lukas pushes himself away, looking away and breathing hard, suddenly realizing that things are quickly getting out of hand.
Matthias is standing there dazed, breathing equally hard and letting the wall cool down his heated skin. "Please don't stop," he whispers, breathless and weak.
"You need to go," Lukas gasps back. He still will not look up and this time he is serious, Matthias can feel his control slipping over the bond. His blood is burning and the spell is taking advantage, wanting to turn passion into violence. "I have to go." The growl is back in his voice, and he curls in on himself, fighting for control once more. "I have to report to the King. I am not even supposed to be in this room."
Matthias swallows thickly, biting down on his tongue. He does not want to go, but he can feel the change in Lukas. He makes his way to the door, and he does not look back. He cannot. If he do, he knows he will be unable to make himself leave at all.