Chapter 9

Kagome was hyperaware of Inuyasha's movements at the counter behind her. Not that the silence between them was awkward, but it was palpable. The lack of conversation was loud with what Kagome had said, what wasn't said, and whatever Inuyasha planned to say.

She hadn't expected the love confession to come pouring out of her mouth. But in the moment, what other choice did she have? It was the best way to convince Inuyasha she wants him for her mate. Was it ridiculous that her filterless mouth echoed the thuds of her heart shouting love when she'd only known him for five-ish hours? Probably? But she tried not to think about it. Because regardless how juvenile she felt falling head over heels for someone so soon, it was the truth. Some facts of life are dumb, crazy, or just completely unbelievable—like how much Kagome loves her mate.

Yet, Inuyasha's belief that he didn't deserve her, wasn't good enough for her, because he's hanyou?

God, that was breaking her heart.

Ever since that truth hit her, she'd been awash in a wave of vicarious pain. And anger. She was achingly pissed that others had treated her mate so poorly that he believed he was undeserving of her love.

The sky is blue. Kagome is Inuyasha's mate. And Inuyasha isn't worth love. From Inuyasha's perspective, those three statements were equally accurate.

The silence was deafening to Kagome because she didn't realize she had a battle ahead of her. It was one thing to think she'd need to persistently convince him she could make him happy. It was a whole other thing to change his entire belief system.

Kagome's eyes crinkled under her focus of slicing small crosses into each chestnut before lining them up on a sheet pan, which she found in his oven's warming drawer. The large, muscular wall of Inuyasha's back faced her. He stood perpendicular to Kagome at the other counter, preparing their hot chocolates. Every time her head turned to peek at him, she mentally chastised herself and forced her attention back to the chestnuts. A wedge of withheld tears lodged in her throat, a lump of something uncomfortable and vulnerable that she kept trying to swallow around.

She wanted to hug him but didn't know how he'd feel about it, so she didn't. Even though she really, really wanted to hold him. She wished a hug could be enough evidence that she loved him and he was worth it.

Kagome was antsy because she was nervous about whatever Inuyasha wanted to tell her. Of course she was curious about what he had to say, the things he wanted her to know about being a half-demon's mate. But she had a sense of foreboding like a sixth sense, telling her that there was likely nothing good about to come from Inuyasha's storytelling.

Between what Sango had told Kagome about hanyous and Inuyasha's comment that she shouldn't want him because he's hanyou, Kagome considered that Inuyasha believed he'd be doing her a favour by trying to change her mind about him. Telling her about his life wasn't to ensure she'd make an informed decision; it was to provide her the evidence of why she shouldn't want him. Inuyasha wanted her to change her mind.

Kagome stopped slicing when she realized there was a good chance he would try to prevent the two of them being together. That made her indignantly angry. She had given him a love confession and he was going to respond by trying to convince her she shouldn't want him because he's hanyou.

She stifled a frustrated sigh as irritation shook hands with panic.

Oh God, he's not gonna go through with it, is he? Inuyasha's not going to mate her. Because he thinks he's not good enough for her. And he's gonna go into detail with what he thinks of as evidence to prove it.

Her mind grabbed her roughly by the mental shoulders to remind her that she word-vomited a love confession and Inuyasha had responded, I've been waiting my whole goddamn life for you. Which was lovely. The memory of his words had the largest species of butterfly flapping wildly in her stomach. Kagome clung to his statement like it was the only proof Inuyasha did want her, like it was the only shred of evidence that he was torn over letting her go or mating her.

As if her mind released her roughly from Inuyasha's words, Kagome felt like she was falling. Her thoughts spun and whirled until she found herself lamenting that while his words were heart-poundingly sweet to hear, they didn't quite hit the same as the ol' tried-and-true, I love you too.

The fact she became hung up on this was beyond ridiculous. Kagome's cheeks ballooned with a vexed exhale that she decided at the last minute to release silently through her nose.

Just because he didn't say it back doesn't mean he doesn't care about her. They're just words. Him accepting her as his mate and agreeing to complete the mating bond would be more a symbol of commitment than three silly little monosyllabic words.

Yet, she feared he wouldn't complete the bond because he thought she'd be better off without him.

Kagome stabbed the remaining chestnuts with Inuyasha's pathetically-dull paring knife as a form of catharsis. She was a tumbleweed of frustration, joy, anger, irritation, love, and worry. It was a weird combination of things to feel all at once, like a mismatched meal with conflicting flavours. She wished he hadn't ominously planted this seed of doubt in her mind about whatever he needed to tell her.

"You good over there?"

It was the first thing Inuyasha had said since admitting he thought loving Kagome could be the easiest thing in the world.

In the gap that followed his admission, Kagome held her breath, thinking he might complete the sentiment with an "I love you" or "I'm in love with you", but instead, he had blushed and averted his gaze when he realized what he said aloud. Then he distracted himself with scooping heaping tablespoons of hot chocolate powder into the mugs Kagome put on the counter.

Kagome had been so overwhelmed and dumbfounded by the silence that she turned her attention to the chestnuts, grateful for the distraction. She had to bite her lip not to act on the itching compulsion to goad him into saying anything else. It was loud in her head, the desire to fish for emotional sentiments that he may or may not have. At least Inuyasha kept his cutting boards on the counter and his knife block was within reach. Distraction, distraction, distraction.

He was clearly embarrassed, hence his silence up until now. But Kagome was honestly a little scared that maybe he hadn't meant to say it. Like maybe he just got caught up in the moment and regretted that a sweet sentiment came pouring out. But it isn't that he loves her, is in love with her, present tense. No—Inuyasha spoke in future tense, when Kagome wasn't even certain Inuyasha was committed to a future with her.

"Kagome?"

She startled. Right—he'd said something just a few seconds ago.

"Yeah?" She let go of the paring knife to rest her palms on the counter and tucked her lips over her teeth. She didn't turn to face him.

"You okay?"

She considered that very simple question for a moment before she answered. "Yeah—why wouldn't I be?"

He snorted a laugh. "That's an obvious no." She listened to the shuffle of his clothes as he turned. "Should I be worried you have a knife?"

She huffed a curt chuckle. His attempt at levity was enough to encourage her to face him. "What makes you say—?"

An eyebrow lifted. "I know angry-chopping when I hear it."

"I'm not chopping," she retorted, like his verb choice was the thing she took issue with.

He flicked his eyes up. "Fine. Angry knife-use, then."

She snorted and rested a hip against the counter. "I'm not angry." At least I don't think I'm angry... Frustrated maybe. Feeling a little pathetic and annoyed with myself for—Oh, okay, yeah, maybe I am kinda angry...

"What's goin' on?" He stepped towards her and his gaze was warm on her face, making the blush on her cheeks all she could notice for a few seconds.

Initially, Kagome didn't plan on answering him—at least not honestly. The last thing he needed was Kagome making him self-conscious when she was just being dumb, feeling badly that she said I love you and he didn't say it back. There was clearly enough going on that bogged him down that Kagome didn't need to pile her issues onto his.

But then his fingers were under her chin lifting her gaze, and the heat of his palm was scorching her side as his hand rounded her waist. Kagome swallowed loudly. Then she decided she didn't have to be transparent but could at least be translucent with him if she expected him to be open and honest with her. It was only fair.

"I'm worried," she answered, her voice breathy and close to breaking. She cleared her throat.

He took a small step towards her, his socked toes bumping her bare ones. "What're you worried about?"

She took a courageous lungful of air. Okay, maybe she was bad at being translucent. "I'm worried you're going to tell me whatever it is you want to tell me, and then I'm going to tell you that none of it matters and I still want you, but then you're not going to let me."

Inuyasha was silent for a breath. He looked like he was connecting the dots of her run-on sentence. His head cocked. "I'm not gonna let you?"

She nodded.

"Let you what?"

"Love you," she answered in a small, embarrassed voice, her eyes falling closed since his fingers beneath her chin wouldn't let her look away. "Be with you. Mate you." She took another deep breath, forcing the words out. "I'm worried you've already made up your mind that you're better off alone, even though you're not, and that no matter what I say to you you're not going to believe me and there won't be—" She stopped.

A heavy pause lingered before Inuyasha shuffled on his feet, encouraging Kagome to do the same.

"Won't be...?" he prodded.

She swallowed. "I can't shake the suspicion that there won't be an us. I'm scared you're not going to go through with this because you've somehow convinced yourself it's in my best interests not to."

Inuyasha's hand beneath her chin dropped to the counter. His hold on her was loose with just the one hand resting above her hip. His eyes turned away from her thoughtfully as he worried his lip.

"Because isn't that your whole reason for wanting to tell me all this stuff about what I should expect as your mate? You wanna convince me that it's a bad idea? That I'm making a mistake? If you already feel that way, how the hell am I supposed to convince you otherwise?"

"Kagome..." he sighed heavily, his eyes pacing the counter.

"Am I wrong?

"No," he said gruffly, "no, you're not wrong." A silence landed between them as heavy as a bowling ball and as thick as fog that needed the defrost on full blast. He sighed, his fingers indenting Kagome's waist. "Mating isn't like any other type of relationship, Kagome. It's permanent."

"I know that," she argued, her eyes narrowing at him, trying to see his underlying meaning.

"If you and me complete the bond? There's no goin' back on that. We can't break up. We can't get divorced. We're tied together until death comes for us both."

Okay, ominous...

She raised her chin to look up at him, willing her voice not to waver. "I know mating is a lifelong, permanent, irreversible thing, Inuyasha. A bond that can't be severed—I'm not ignorant about that. What's your point?"

He rolled his eyes. "My point is, if you mate me, you're stuck with me."

"Yeah, and you're stuck with me."

"I won't be the one stuck with you," he argued, his tone escalating. "I'm not the one who'd live to regret it."

"And I will?" She sighed loudly, her fingertips finding his forearms. There was an inflating balloon of anger in her chest threatening to overtake her patience. Kagome hated the flicker of hurt in her words. "Is that what you're so worried about? That I'm going to regret mating you?"

He snorted self-effacingly. "I know you'll regret it, Kagome. What I'm worried about, is that you're gonna resent me and then hate me for it and that I won't be able to...to..."

"Inuyasha, you don't know that. Obviously, I don't have a crystal ball to guarantee we'll be happy together forever, but I can tell you for certain that I'm not going into a relationship with you ignorant. No relationship is perfect, Inuyasha; I'm not expecting things to be good between us without both of us putting the work in."

Inuyasha looked like he grew even more frustrated as Kagome's argument sunk in. "Of course you're ignorant," he retaliated, stepping away from her. "You don't have a goddamn clue the mistake you'd be making goin' through with this! You just think you want me 'cause you don't know any better. Kagome, you have no idea how much your life's gonna change 'cause I'm half-demon, how much worse bein' with me will—"

"You can't possibly believe that." Her forehead ached from the depth of her frown as she watched him turn away from her, his fists on the countertop. When he didn't respond, Kagome swallowed, trying to erode this aggravating lump in her throat. She crossed her arms, her biceps like sticks in the wide opening of Inuyasha's t-shirt. "Did me telling you how I feel about you mean nothing? I know that I want you, Inuyasha, regardless whatever knowledge you think I'm lacking to make an informed decision. You don't get to tell me how I'm allowed to feel or not to feel, or to tell me what I want or shouldn't want!

"I am well aware being with you means my life will change, but that will be because I'll have a mate. I imagine things change for a person pretty dramatically when they go from being single to suddenly merging their life with someone else's." She followed him to the other counter and stared up at him expectantly. She busied her fingers with the ties on her pajama pants. "Change isn't a bad thing, Inuyasha. I'll admit that I can't guarantee a happily ever after for us, but you also can't deny the possibility that it could happen if you choose to be with me."

He leered at her over his shoulder before turning back around to pour steaming water into their cups from the electric kettle. "Change can't be trusted," he spat. "Change just likes to get my hopes up—like maybe there could be somethin' different this time, but no—shit's always the same. Why the hell would I ever assume that this could be any different? After over a century of this bullshit, I know not to get my hopes up anymore."

Kagome hesitantly touched Inuyasha's bicep. His skin was burning. "You have a history of being disappointed."

He paused just as he was returning the kettle to its base. "Yeah," he admitted faintly.

"I don't plan to disappoint you," she whispered. Kagome stepped towards him and wrapped her arms around his middle, burrowing her face between his shoulder blades. She felt his body tense and muscles pull beneath her cheek. "How can I convince you I'm different?"

His head drooped, which wasn't promising. "You can't."

Kagome tightened her embrace. "But I want to."

"Why?" The word was an incredulous scoff under his breath. "Why won't you just drop this?"

"Because you're meant to be with me. Because I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy." Kagome huffed a self-deprecating laugh. "Because I'm stubborn." Because I love you.

"No shit?" Inuyasha turned around to cast her a facetious smirk. As he rotated, her arms glided across the fabric of his shirt at the waist.

Kagome loosed a small laugh in the back of her throat and bumped him with her shoulder. Her hands settled above his hips. When his arms slowly slithered around her back, Kagome felt hopeful enough to say, "Can I ask you something, Inuyasha?"

"I guess."

"Do you want to be with me?"

"Kagome," he sighed, looking away, "haven't you been list—?"

"Pretend your worries don't exist for a second," she said loudly, talking over him. "Don't think about the future or freak out about what could happen between us. How do you feel about me right now? In this moment, do you want to be with me?"

"Yeah, obviously, but that's not—"

"So be with me," she interrupted. "I want to be with you, Inuyasha, and you want to be with me, so why can't you mate me? Why won't you?"

She wrapped him tighter when she felt his hold loosen. "'Cause I know I'm just foolin' myself today by thinkin' you'll still be happy with me tomorrow."

Kagome growled with frustration, pushing away from him until their touch was no longer an embrace but simply her palms on his chest. "No, you're an idiot today for denying yourself an opportunity for happiness because you're scared of tomorrow!"

"Of course I'm fuckin' scared!" he yelled. The heat of his amber stare startled Kagome more than the guttural edge to his words. "I don't want the woman I love to hate me! I don't want the person I'm supposed to be with to grow to resent me for ruining her life!"

"The only way you'll ruin my life is if you don't give us a chance to even be together, Inuyasha!"

The balloon in Kagome's chest popped. She wanted to think it would have deflated with his admission but she was too upset to focus on that. Anger and overwhelmed frustration flooded her system. Tears trudged down her cheeks. As Inuyasha's head recoiled so he could look at her better, Kagome crashed her head into his chest, smooshing her face into the material of his t-shirt. She breathed in the warmth of her exhales. "I'm sorry," she mumbled into the fabric as it muffled her words and caught her tears.

"You haven't done anythin'," he answered faintly after a moment, his palm tracing the length of her spine. He sounded flustered. Confused. "You don't gotta apologize."

She squeezed him tightly. "Not for me," she said around her slowing tears. "I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you that's made you believe you don't deserve your mate."

His palm found her jaw to lift her away from the hiding place she'd made between his pectorals. Her teary eyes reluctantly rose to meet his weary gaze as his thumb traced the hinge of her jaw. "The easiest way to protect you from misery is to keep you away from me, but, selfishly, I don't wanna do that."

Kagome leaned her forehead against his chest. "I don't want you to do that either."

She felt the reluctance of his embrace as his arms circled her biceps, pinning her to him. Things were silent between them for a while before Inuyasha exhaled softly and Kagome heard him lick his lips. "I've been hospitalized twenty-seven times over the course of my life 'cause of demon attacks." Her head snapped up to look at him, her eyes wide and lips a thin, hard line. "Anti-hanyou racism happens all the time, and the offenders are rarely caught or punished for hate crimes 'cause the world is made for full demons and humans. Hanyous are just the inbetweeners, a byproduct of two worlds that were forced together," he said bitterly. "So the demons who hate humans hate hanyous, and those demons like to take their anger out on us. Problem is, they expect me to roll over and take it but I can fight as good as any of 'em. Unfortunately," he sighed, "that means I've been out-numbered and punished for it." With a snort, he added, "many times."

Kagome blinked rapidly. "But...don't...doesn't your demon blood heal—?"

"It does," he cut in, his voice tight like an elastic band. "But twenty-seven times I apparently needed medical intervention or else I wouldn't've—" He didn't finish the sentence and Kagome didn't think she could stomach it if he did. "Demons show their hate through violence and humans do it through xenophobic actions and systemic discrimination 'cause humans are experts as passive aggression."

He chewed on his bottom lip before continuing, his gaze halfway across the apartment. "D'you know that the premiums for health insurance are more for me just 'cause I'm hanyou?" He snorted, saying, "It's like those stupid insurance companies just know I'll be makin' more claims 'cause of all the hate crimes. And then I often have to fuckin' battle a new job to even get medical benefits or insurance coverage."

Kagome's brow drew more and more ridged until the creases were taut and uncomfortable. "But...that's illegal. They can't blatantly—"

"Which is why I've had two hanyou rights lawyers and three hanyou rights commission case managers in my lifetime," he said by way of answer. "I get a solstice card every year from my lawyer 'cause of how closely I've worked with her in the past few years to dispute insurance claim denials, wrongful premium increases and financial harassment. She's an ol' pro at seeking out punitive damages for assault on my behalf, too." The way he said that last bit with a crude laugh as he looked around his apartment made Kagome's stomach feel hollow.

That was something that stuck out to Kagome when she'd been looking around his place while he disappeared to get groceries. Inuyasha may not have much stuff but he had nice stuff. It had made her wonder if he'd acquired some generational wealth, or worked some high-paying jobs, or if he was just good at saving over his lifetime. Turns out Inuyasha was just a target and he had a lawyer who was good at her job.

His arms tightened around Kagome. "I don't stick around jobs a super long time 'cause eventually it's just easier to change insurance providers or because I'm worried I'm gonna do somethin' reckless if I keep gettin' provoked by the same asshole coworkers who are openly anti-hanyou."

"Inuyasha..."

"The discrimination at my current job is shitty but manageable," he remarked with a snort. "I've had tons of different jobs in different industries, but menial jobs like workin' at the gym as a trainer...there's less corporate bullshit or formalities in that kinda environment. The issues at Shikon Fitness aren't bad compared to other jobs I've had."

"All discrimination is wrong," Kagome said with a scowl, "regardless how small it seems in comparison."

Inuyasha snorted. "Bein' stuck with part time hours is better than bein' assaulted or harassed."

Kagome made a face and stepped closer to Inuyasha until their stomachs touched. "You couldn't apply for full time?" She knew that wasn't the point, but she couldn't help but ask.

Inuyasha sighed crustily. "No matter how many times I apply, I'm not hired on full time. The jobs are always offered to newbies or other part timers, even though I've been around longer. So I'm stuck with part time hours or pickin' up shifts and classes where I can. Part time means I don't get first stab at shift sign-up so I get less hours of work which means I get less pay.

"From talkin' with Miroku, I've learned my benefits package isn't as good as some of the other trainers, and I seem to get held to different time off standards, too. But, otherwise, I haven't been physically assaulted at this job and it's easy enough to avoid the clients or coworkers who hate hanyous, so..." He shrugged.

"I'm sorry." Kagome hated that she didn't know what else to say.

"That's why I hate goin' to the solstice party. These people, for the most part, don't like me, they don't want me there; yet, I still go 'cause Miroku practically begs me to and the Head of HR says it'll make me look like a team player—like I could give a shit." Inuyasha scoffed. "Corporate's new Head of HR does shit-all except promise things'll change. She likes to think she's pretty woke so she goes outta her way to advocate for me, which drives me fuckin' insane, especially when the owner has no interest in changin' shit to accommodate one hanyou."

"At least she recognizes—" Kagome stopped when Inuyasha chuckled gruffly and disingenuously.

"The special treatment just makes me feel all that much more targeted," he griped. "People lay it on thick, Kagome, whether they hate me or they're tryin' too hard to compensate, like they're wearin' more cologne to cover up the fact they stink."

Kagome cupped his cheek. "We don't have to go next year," she said quietly, looking up at him and wishing he'd look at her. "If you're still at the gym this time next year, then next solstice we could start our own traditions, you know? Some things just for us that we can look forward to every year."

That got his attention. His eyes laboured back to hers in a slow crawl. He stared at her like she wore a glamour or something, like he wasn't really sure what he was looking at but the visual was blurred and he needed to squint to see it better. "We?"

"Yes, we. Because we are a we now, Inuyasha, regardless how stubbornly you're fighting me on it. I can't change anything about workplaces or coworkers being shitty, but I can give you a happy, supportive place to come home to where you can kick your feet up and complain loudly about how much everyone and everything sucks."

He flushed and snapped his head so he looked away from her again. "Kagome...you-you're missin' the point."

"Which is?"

"I have shitty health insurance and benefits and inconsistent income. I won't be able to take care of—"

"I have my own coverage at work and I can make my own income," she interrupted. "While I appreciate how sweet you are for thinking about that, it's not remotely a deal breaker for me." She offered him a gentle smile that creased one side of her face more than the other. "What else?"

He frowned at her. Then he snorted at her. "You're not gonna comment on how many times in our future you're probably gonna get a call that I've been hospitalized 'cause a bunch of assholes just decided for shits and giggles they wanted to beat me within an inch of my life?"

Kagome flinched. Then she exploded. "What am I supposed to say to that? I feel sick about it, Inuyasha! How do you expect me to respond? Forbid you from leaving the house ever again? Make you carry pepper spray or demon repellant? Follow you around with a baseball bat to protect you?" He actually laughed a little at that one.

"Listen," she sighed, her shoulders falling with the heavy breath. She cradled his jaw in her hands. "Yes, learning about this is upsetting, and I'm angry and upset for you, Inuyasha. But I can't fix any of this tonight. I can't do anything in this moment except be angry on your behalf and do everything in my power to make tonight a good solstice and a happy memory for you, as if that could be enough to compensate for all the other shit you've told me."

She hugged him firmly. "Nothing has changed for me, Inuyasha. If anything, I want to be with you more. Maybe it's naive of me or maybe it is just downright ignorance, but I want to take care of you," she said with a blush. "I want to be there for you on the bad days to show you that yes, shitty people and demons exist, but so do I, and I only want happiness and good things for you, and I will do everything in my power to give that to you.

"I can fight alongside you in the years and decades to come to try and make this world a better place for hanyous, or you and me can just keep our heads down and say fuck all of them and live in our own bubble. None of this is ideal, Inuyasha. I wish none of this happened to you. I wish this wasn't the kind of life forced upon hanyous—it's not right and it's not fair. I don't want to be scared for you every time you'll leave the house, but that fear of what if is not enough of a reason for me to walk away from a future with you."

She sighed, lacing their fingers. "I know you're scared, Inuyasha. I know you've been disappointed constantly and all I'm giving you is my word when you've known me for a whopping six hours. I know you're worried about me because your life has been marked with violence because of things you can't help. But all the bad or ugly things that have happened, or could happen, doesn't mean we shouldn't try anyway. I don't want you to choose not to be with me because you're more scared of what if than you are of not having me in your life."

Inuyasha's cheeks were pink as he adamantly refused to look at Kagome. "Obviously, I'm gonna worry about you constantly—especially if you're threatenin' to beat up demons with a baseball bat, you dummy." He scoffed a laugh. "Signin' up to be a hanyou's mate is just askin' for trouble and openin' yourself up to risk," he said hurriedly, his timbre thick with irritation and unease. "But you're still gonna resent me and—"

"I could never resent you for being victimized, Inuyasha! Do you really think that poorly of me?"

"Not about that shit, Kagome!" he backtracked. "It's not the demons preyin' on me that's gonna make you grow to resent me—it's the other stuff! The social stuff. The xenophobia. The lifetime of bein' subjected to small things that add up and end up hurtin' more than the hate crimes."

His voice rose to the point Kagome winced as he shouted. "It's the stares, Kagome! The jeers, the comments, the denial of services, the subtle and direct ways I'm encouraged or asked to fuckin' leave. And that's nothin' compared to the loud mouth assholes who think they're doin' their community a favour by gettin' in my face and cursin' me out for just existing. The way I'm fuckin' looked at or talked to like my presence alone is gonna corrupt or murder their kids!

"Just you wait until we're out and humans can't cross the street fast enough to get away from me. Or we're takin' public transit and people would rather stand than sit next to me in the only fuckin' open seat left. Or I try to take you somewhere nice for your birthday and my reservation request is denied or we're turned away at the door.

"How the fuck is that any life for you? You think I want you to get the comments and looks by extension? You think that's the sorta life I want for my mate? You deserve so much more than that, Kagome! You deserve nice shit and to be treated with respect—"

"And you don't?"

"I don't get any say in that! I can't help how—"

"Jesus!" Kagome cried, her arms warding herself away from Inuyasha as she injected space between them. She began to pace the kitchen. "You seriously believe all this, don't you? People have treated you like a monster and you've allowed that to become part of your identity!"

"How the fuck else am I supposed to live my life, Kagome? You think it's easy for me—?"

"Oh my god—of course I don't think any of this is easy! This is a nightmare, and I'm outraged, and I want to punch all these people in their stupid, racist faces! But I'm mad at them for you, Inuyasha! I'm so unbelievably, fucking mad that you have been shown so much hatred that you've ingested it to the point your pores seep with it. I don't care that I'll get vicariously mistreated by racist assholes, because the point is that you deserve respect, Inuyasha—just as much as I do!"

"You should care!" he roared, running a ragged hand through his hair.

"Well—I don't!" she shot back. "All I care about is that you give me a legitimate reason for walking away from me, from this bond between us. Because blaming people being assholes? That's not a good enough reason for me! I will choose you because I love you, you incredibly insufferable man, but I would just as happily choose you to spite them!"

"I can't let the woman I love be treated like shit because she chose me!" The pain in his voice had fresh tears lining Kagome's eyes. His arms fell to his sides as he retreated until he bumped into the counter. "I either make humans uncomfortable or angry, that's it! That's all I'm fuckin' good for, and that's the only kinda life bein' with me will grant you! I can't let you—"

"You don't get to choose for me!" she snapped, balling her hands into fists. "You don't get to decide that my skin isn't thick enough to support you through all of this! I get to choose my path, my life, and the people I wish to spend it with!

"In case you've never noticed in almost one hundred and thirty years, but the world is pretty misogynistic, Inuyasha! You don't think I don't already have experience or exposure to inappropriate or rude remarks or jeers? I wanted to be a doctor," she spat with a sarcastic, self-deprecating laugh, "but I couldn't even last a full year in the program because of how much misogyny I had to wade through, so I changed gears and pursued a more feminine direction like animal medicine.

"Do I wish people were less disgusting and less perverted and less inclined to be gigantic asshats towards women? One billion percent, yes! But I can't change them. I can't change how some people intrinsically believe women are inferior in the same way I can't change the demons who see hanyous the same way or the humans who are comfortable living in bigoted ignorance. I can only change myself or my attitude to learn to ignore them or fight back."

She angrily wiped tears from beneath her eyes with the back of her hand. "If you refuse to mate me, Inuyasha, don't use me as your excuse, because that's bullshit!"

"It's not that I don't want to mate you!"

"Then what's your problem?"

"You shouldn't want me!"

"Well, tough shit, Inuyasha, because I do want you!"

"Why?" he yelled, taking a step towards her. "Why the fuck would you wanna get shackled down to me? Have you even heard a single fucking thing I've told you about my life? I don't have anythin' good to give you, Kagome!"

"Does my happiness really mean shit-all to you?" she yelled back at him, stepping towards him until only a few feet stood between them. "Has it never once occurred to you that I want to be with you because I like you, because being with you makes me happy? Even though it's gonna sound crazy because we've argued, like, sixty percent of the time, I have had more fun with you tonight than I've ever had with another guy. I've never enjoyed myself so much. Even arguing with you over stupid, dumb things makes me happy, Inuyasha!"

She charged towards him to squeeze his hand between both of hers. He scowled at her down his nose as if he couldn't believe she had closed the distance between them. "We can't control how other people behave, Inuyasha," she hissed in a tight, whispered voice. "We have absolutely no say in how other people choose to treat us or act around us. All we can do is be true to ourselves and act and respond in accordance with our values and preferences." She cupped his cheek when he tried to look away. Kagome let the next few tears fall from her eyes when he made eye contact, like her crying could get through to him in a way her words couldn't. "Please don't walk away from this because of them. Please don't give up a chance for happiness on the odd chance it doesn't work out." She pushed up on her toes to kiss him. Kagome couldn't have cared less that her tears ended up on his cheeks. "Be my mate, Inuyasha," she cried when their lips parted. "Don't walk away from me."

Kagome had never heard such a pained sigh as the exhale Inuyasha just laboured out over several seconds. It was like his body purged the air from his lungs and blood. His voice was a strained whisper. "If we have kids one day, you know this'll be their life too, right? They'd be quarter demon and subjected to the same shit as me. You'd really risk subjecting our kids to a cursed life?"

Kagome sputtered an ungraceful laugh as her forehead met his. "First off, things could be better by then, you don't know. And the existence of hate is never a good enough reason to avoid love. Maybe our kids will just be the most resilient people I'll ever meet. Maybe they'll change the world. Just because we don't know doesn't mean we need to act based on fear."

"Roughly once a month, I'll transform into a human, and I'm fucking miserable, Kagome. I'm weak and vulnerable and I don't have my demon senses, and I fuckin' hate it. It's the biggest secret you'll ever have to keep in order to keep me safe—if demons find out when I'm human—"

"I would never tell anyone about that. And I don't care if you're miserable to be around, Inuyasha. I can appreciate why that would be an uncomfortable night for you, all things considered. I wouldn't not be with you because of that."

He looked like he thought about that for a second. His hands seemed shy as they found her hips. "If we complete the bond, our lifeforces will become joined, and I don't know that I'm willin' to spend the rest of my days worrying that someone's gonna hurt me, which will hurt you."

"And I'm not super keen on the fact that you could be hurt at all, Inuyasha." Her red-rimmed eyes darted between his. "It's still not good enough of a reason not to be with you."

He stared her down. "Your business might be impacted cause of me. Your clinic could lose clients if people discover you have a hanyou mate."

"Then it's a good thing I don't discuss my personal life at work."

"We might never be able to sit down to eat at your favourite restaurant to celebrate a special occasion."

"Good thing I prefer ordering takeaway, then, to eat at home with my own cutlery."

He snorted, then under his breath he grumbled, "We're gonna fight about this constantly." After a pause, his voice became a ghost of tension that had a shiver crawling down Kagome's spine. "You're gonna hate me, Kagome, and resent me, and it's gonna drive a wedge between us and be the reason you try to leave me and then hate me even more when you realize you can't."

She cupped his cheek and skated her thumb across his flushed skin. "I've been arguing with you since we met, Inuyasha. I know you haven't known me very long, but fun fact, I'm outrageously stubborn and headstrong about the things that I want, and I've been told I'm annoyingly happy and optimistic. I'm not going into this relationship expecting an easy ride. Sometimes it's the difficult things that are the most worth it. Let me make you happy," she said against his lips.

"Kagome..." His eyes bounced back and forth between hers.

"Let me make you happy, Inuyasha," she repeated, their lips cresting. "Please. Let me prove to you that this is worth it. Mate me. I want a future with you, regardless what that looks like." She kissed him, pulling away just long enough to add as a whisper, "As long as we're together, we can overcome whatever life chooses to throw at us. I promise you that."

Inuyasha deepened their next kiss until he broke away too soon. Kagome opened her mouth to complain at him before his palms were on her cheeks and he was frowning at her. "Why are you so willing to turn a blind eye to all the awful shit that happens to me? That will happen to you?"

"I'm not disregarding it or ignoring it, Inuyasha," she argued gently. "My heart breaks for you. I wanna go all protective mama bear and hurt the people and demons who have hurt you. But I can't do all that.

"In the moment someone says something hurtful, I will stand up for you and run interference for any discrimination we face. But I mostly just want to love you. I want to show you love and appreciation and joy and kindness in a world that sounds like its barely shown you any. I'm your mate, Inuyasha, your other half. I wouldn't be yours if the universe didn't give me to skills or tools to complement and help you. Together, we can love and together, we can thrive, and if people and demons want to harbour on hate and misery then let them. Let the world be miserable, Inuyasha, because you'll have me to come home to, and my arms and my kisses and my bed and my love to bandage and remedy all the awful shit that's out there. I'm just asking for you to give us a chance. Give me a chance. Give happiness a chance."

He huffed a laugh before kissing her gently. His palms ran the length of her hair, her face. "You really are a stubborn, insufferable woman, aren't you?"

"Yep," she said around a small peck, "because the universe knew I'd be yours. Couldn't be mated to a miserable doormat now, could you?"

"No, but you could be."

She snorted dismissively. "You're hardly a doormat, Inuyasha."

He snorted back at her. "Yeah, but I got the miserable part down pat."

Kagome trilled a soft laugh before cupping his cheek and leading his lips to hers. "Yeah, but you have me now. Aren't there songs and poems about that? Misery loving company? Don't make me beg, Inuyasha. I'm not thrilled with the idea, but I will get on my knees and beg you to be with me if I have to. Complete the bond with me, sweetheart. Choose to be with me."

Inuyasha turned them so Kagome was pressed up against the counter, the solid heat of his body crushing into her. He could have had more than two hands for how stoutly he caressed her face, her arms, her waist, her hips. His voice nearly cracked as he said, "You really think I could let you go?"

Kagome chuffed a laugh as a surprised tear escaped. Inuyasha wiped it away with his thumb. "I think your self-preservation instincts considered it."

He kissed another tear away. "Good thing you're stubborn then."

"Good thing."

Inuyasha sighed, his eyes firm on her face like he was watching and guarding for more tears that needed his immediate response. When no more tears made an appearance, he kissed her cheek. "Grab your room temperature cup of chocolate and come with me."

Kagome giggled and cuddled up against him, marveling at the fit of his large body against hers. "Where are we going with our tepid chocolates?"

"I thought she wanted to mate with me?"

Kagome looked up at him as her cheeks slowly burgeoned with pink heat. "S-she does."

"Then I gotta walk my girl through the steps to complete our bond."

Kagome squealed as her arms circled his neck. "You mean it?"

He laughed as she tried to bounce in their embrace, their bodies juddering together with her efforts. When he pulled away and stroked her face with the softest, loveliest touch that had Kagome's heart singing, Inuyasha smiled. "Yeah, Kagome. I mean it."