Ch 4 Metamorphosis
Discovery is a concept often associated with youth. Whether its breaking down the decrepit superstitions of the past or reveling in the sensationist wonders of the flesh, the word has a positive, almost naive the end of the status quo and beginning of something wondrous, its reeks of the insipid and downright foolish idealism which has sicken me since childhood.
Yet here I was experiencing the phenomenon for myself.
Reeling from my battle with that oversized gerbil, some time had passed, yet my wounds stubbornly lingered. Though not life-threatening, the numerous gashes and craters etched into my body remained a persistent reminder of the fight—a problem that demanded attention.
The things I would do for an overpowered perk like High-Speed Regeneration…
Recovery aside, the healing process was coming along quite nicely. Since my victory and subsequent meal, I had emerged a lot stronger, my senses and reflexes far sharper than they ever were before. From the gentle scattering of sand carried by the howling wind, to the distant roars and footsteps of my brethren, I was one with my surroundings, a single blimp in the vastness of nature.
I could eat other Hollows.
The realization hit me like a bombshell: I no longer needed to consume human-like souls. Instead, I could prey on my own kind. Admittedly, I was still devouring what were once human beings, but somehow, it felt less unsettling. After all, in the face of a harsh reality, what harm was there in a little self-indulgent delusion?
Maybe I was more in tune with youth than I thought.
Ethics aside, there was a pragmatic advantage to this choice. Eating other Hollows was far more lucrative and fulfilling than regular spirits. For every Hollow consumed, I could gain the energy of dozens if not a hundred regulars. Sure it was a lot more dangerous, but nothing that a few well-placed strikes in quick succession couldn't handle.
Sigh
Glancing at my current meal, a bear shaped Hollow, a tinge of regret washed over me. Technically speaking, the beast was a hodgepodge of Human souls condensed into an animal form. While not a real bear in any sense, consuming anything which appeared similar to the great beast felt uncomfortable. As a loner, bears were my official mascot; cool solitary creatures which lived isolated from the backstabbing and cruel ways of the pack. Besides, who wouldn't want to hibernate during winter?
Why couldn't I be a bear in my next life…
Sinking my teeth in the still-warm flesh, my misgivings soon evaporate, feelings of apprehension swiftly turning to relief as the addicting feeling of power flows into me. It was funny in a way how similar to the living world the afterlife was. Just like how the living were encouraged to "eat" and consume their peers in a never-ending cycle of betrayal and self-betterment, us Hollows were the same, our minds and lives dedicated to a perpetual quest that had no end besides death.
Truly this world is rotten.
Quickly finishing the last of the carcass, I find a small alcove to brood, my thoughts occupied.
So much had happened in the time following my escape. I had grown in power, yes, but there was something else that had captured my attention. Deep inside of me, I could feel that something was changing, something which for all my efforts I could not put to words. It was a foreign feeling that stirred a sense of excitement throughout my body, one that spoke to the very depths of my soul itself as numerous voices emerged from its opaque depths
Unfamiliar, yet somehow comforting, they all gave the same single message.
"JOIN US"
At the first the voices were far and few in between, scattering whispers- the type of distraction anyone could easily shrug off. After all, I wasn't about to listen to any unfamiliar voice no matter how comforting it appeared. A lifetime of social rejection had ensured that.
Still what was alarming was the fact that with each passing meal, the voices seemed to grow louder, becoming more and more frequent. What was once a glancing annoyance had become something else entirely, whispers over the span of months transforming into desperate pleas.
Ahh … it seems like I'm truly turning into a monster.
The realization stung far more deeply than I had expected. I had come to terms with the fact that I wasn't some harmless ghost, but accepting that I was being slowly dragged into an inescapable abyss was another matter entirely. Watching my humanity and sanity erode, piece by piece, right before my eyes, left me feeling utterly powerless—a uniquely depressing experience.
rumble* gurgle*
This stomach of mine … I should go hunting soon.
Grrrgle
"Alright, alright," I muttered to myself, irritation creeping into my voice. As if the relentless voices weren't enough, with their arrival my insatiable hunger had surged to unbearable levels as well.
Without warning, an old memory from elementary school suddenly emerges.
It's a cold winter afternoon and with snow piling outside, the entire class has huddled indoors. As the teacher drones on about some long forgotten topic, a hungry boy's stomach betrays him.
"Grrrglllle!"
Concidententally, that day my classmates shouted in glee at the discovery of a new species of frog. Croaking from its belly instead of mouth, thus was the stomach croaking frog- Froggy-gaya christened.
Who knew my 5th grade class would be full of aspiring zoologists?
4.1
The air hung heavy as I laid in wait amidst the ashen sands, faint flickers of moonlight piercing sporadically through the dense canopy above. My eyes remained locked on my newest target—a large, crocodile-shaped Hollow which lumbered drunkenly.
Every muscle in my body tensed with anticipation, coiling tighter and tighter as if preparing to spring into down, I could feel it: this meal would mark the beginning of something monumental, a turning point that would change everything.
Carefully, I begin to suppress any energy radiating from my body, shutting down each leaking pore one by one. Before long, I am practically invisible, detectable only by the most vigilant of eyes.
Perhaps, I was a ninja in my past life. Hehe, how cool would that be- I could already imagine Komachi praising me.
Umm, that's pretty cool Gomi-chan but could you activate those ninja powers later tonight? Komachi's friends are coming over.
The crocodile, still none the wiser, continues to approach, quickly dissipating my happy thoughts. Slinking my body even lower into the sand, time seems to slow down, our bodies only a few meters apart.
As if sensing something is wrong, the crocodile suddenly stops, its sickly yellow eyes gleaming with unspoken malice in the near-total darkness.
"... I know you're here little mouse. I can smell the sweet musk of your delectable fear." it purrs, " Come out and I promise not to hurt you…"
I get that you're excited but could you not talk like a total pervert?
Pressing my paws lower into the loose coarse sand, I quickly pump in as much energy as possible. My presence already detected,there wasn't really any point in remaining subtle.
With a swift motion, I scooped up a handful of sand and hurled it with all my strength. Within seconds, the propelled cloud of fine grains explodes, reaching the crocodile's eyes and nostrils.
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggh"
Thrashing wildly, the crocodile howls, its jaw snapping aimlessly into the empty air.
Idiot.
Darting forward, before the crocodile can regain its bearings, I quickly slip underneath to its exposed underbelly. Smooth and unblemished, unlike the battle scarred tissue surrounding it, the entire section was lightly armored, vulnerable to any attack.
Focusing my energy once more into my claws, I plunged them into the exposed, tender section. Piercing through like a hot knife through butter, my mind already desensitized to violence, pushes forward, tearing through soft flesh and sinew.
It takes less than a minute for everything to be over.
Wheezing its last breaths, the beast collapses on its side with a loud thud. As the dust settles, out seeps the familiar ruby ichor of blood, staining the once alabaster ground.
Victory.
Once cherished, the concept now rang hollow. Victory… in what sense? The number of times I had eaten others? The number of souls I had consumed?The thought, which once would have made me recoil in disgust, had quietly become something I accepted—perhaps even celebrated at times.
At this point, who was Hachiman Hikigaya? Was I still the fourteen-year-old boy whose spirit had shattered long before his body? Or was I an undead monster, tethered to this world only by spite and the weight of my countless regrets? At the end of the day, who was I?
It was ironic, really—how the desire to see my adorable little sister again was the same force pushing me further and further away from her.
The road to hell truly was paved with good intentions.
Howl*
Forcing me to present, I let out a dry chuckle, the weight of my legs feeling oddly heavy as I stumble toward the dead carcass.
Chew *Crunch * Smack
Tearing into the still-warm flesh, I let my instincts take over. Forcing down each bite, my body offers little resistance, happily accepting the intoxicating rush of power and relief pouring through. For while everything appears to tone down, my depressed brooding, the endless ache to eat, even the schizophrenic voices in my head seem to be absent if only for a second.
Before I can even take a second to appreciate my newfound peace it starts.
Without warning a searing pain ripples through, every nerve and joint of mine feeling as if I'm on fire. Convulsing uncontrollably as I gag, vomiting whatever is left of my meal, an unfathomable heat burns agonizingly in my core. The voices, which seconds ago had been silent, take this time to repay a visit, erupting in a glass-shattering chorus.
"JOIN US!"
Collapsing onto my knees, my claws desperately dig into the sand, looking for something- anything to anchor on. My vision blurs, oscillating between the familiar scene of dunes and an incomprehensible void.
And then they appear.
At the edges of my perception they frolicked, faint shadowy figures flickering around like annoying gnats. Dripping with malice, they laugh, their forms becoming sharper and more defined as the pain intensifies.
Circling around me, their gleaming eyes and twisted grins brim with malice.
"Poor, poor, Hikigaya. All alone with no one to hear his cries."
"Thought you could devour us and get away with it?"
"Look at you now, little predator," one jeers, leaning closer, its undiscernible features practically touching me. "You're no better than us. Just another desperate poor soul in a dark unforgiving world."
Their laughter reverberates, echoing around like some horrific symphony of bitterness and hatred. Averting my gaze, I soon find they're everywhere; hovering above me, crouching beside my head, underneath my belly, their translucent hands brushing almost gently against my skin.
"It's your turn now" they hiss gleefully, their demented smiles sending shivers down my spine.
My claws thrash at their bodies, desperately trying anything to keep them at bay but to no avail. Unfazed, the shadows continue to grow bolder, their forms solidifying, merging into each other.
Slowly the shadows come together into one figure, far larger and more imposing which towers over me. Wearing a chalk white mask with a prominent beak-like nose, lifeless crimson eyes stare down, as if mocking my every being.
"You can't escape us," the large figure rumbles, its voice a low, menacing growl. "We are you now."
The heat in my core intensifies, threatening to tear me apart. My body trembles, my mind slowly fracturing the weight of their persistent whispers.
"No!" I manage to rasp out.
The giant laughs again, a cruel, unrelenting sound that fills the void. As it does so hundreds of shadowy hands reach for me, cold and unforgiving, as they drag me into the darkness with them.
As I am pulled into the abyss, my mind turns to one thing that keeps me going, the one thing that tethers me to my humanity.
"Komachi…"
And then there is nothing as the darkness claims me.
4.2
Darkness.
The onyx abyss stretched as far as the eye could see, an infinite void spanning in every direction. Devouring every light and sound, I floated or perhaps sank aimlessly, adrift alone in an endless ocean.
Where was up? Where was down? Left or right?
It was cold, unbearably so. The icy shroud of nothingness loomed over me, a watchful specter that had enveloped everything, chilling my bones to the core.
As it scraped against my consciousness, a strange thought emerged.
Who was I?
The simple question now felt impossible to answer.
For what felt like an eternity, the question lingers unanswered, a uncomfortable reality suspended in time. Here I was: an amorphous sludge that swayed without rhyme or reason. I had no memories of mine, no sense of self, no aspirations, nothing.
And then, like shards of glass piercing through the void, they come.
Starting as fragments of emotions at first, a stream of memories pour out, gradually increasing in clarity as they transform into full on images and scenes.
Each was vivid yet broken, like pieces of a shattered puzzle that refused to fit together. They flickered through my mind like flashing lights, unrelenting and arbitrary—a ceaseless torrent of raw, unfiltered regret.
A mother sobbing in the rain as a small casket disappeared into the damp earth.
A trembling hand gripping a knife, crimson blood dripping from its tip.
A soldier clutching the image of a young woman as he gasped his last breaths, his comrades beside him dead or dying.
All carried with them an overwhelming sense of despair, anger, and bitterness. Holding the weight of unrealized dreams and untold sorrows, they felt too vivid, too painful to be fake, and yet I couldn't help but feel that they weren't my own.
Like a raging tsunami, the scenes repeated relentlessly, threatening to swallow and sweep me away in a tide of emotions.
As they did so, I could feel myself slowly fading away, faltering in the face of such an insurmountable force. Afterall it would be so easy to give in, to just let go and drift along, to let the current take me wherever.
"What's the harm?" a little voice in the back of my mind whispers comfortingly. "Why not just give up? A little break won't hurt?"
By now the cold was overpowering, a blizzard which only seemed to be growing stronger with time. The last embers of mental resistance by now had started to flicker and fade, pulverizing by the ongoing tide.
But then, I heard it.
A single voice.
"Onii-chan!"
It was a faint, barely audible thing but it was enough to make me freeze. The void flickered, and for the first time, I felt something other than coldness.
Warmth.
Komachi...
The name sounded foreign yet felt somehow familiar as fleeting images of a young cute looking girl flashed before my eyes.
Yes … I remember now.
Komachi, happily exclaiming to me she had found a new Nee-san candidate.
Komachi, cheekily grinning as she poked fun at my lack of presence.
Komachi, criticizing my twisted personality as I read to her my school book report.
The scenes start to coalesce soon turning into a cascade of wonderful memories.
Warmth spreads through me, small but undeniable, and the little voice screams in terror.
"No!" it shrieks, "You cannot—"
But its protests fall on deaf ears as more memories began to surface, each one stronger than the last.
Komachi's laughter. Komachi's smile. Komachi's hugs.
The warmth grows, a blazing inferno pushing back against the cold, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, I feel alive.
"You are nothing!" the voice howls in an attempt to change the tide "You cannot win!"
I continuing pressing on, each step shattering the void like glass. Cracks spread around me, and before long, a blinding pure light begins to seep in.
"RAAAAAHHHH!"
The voice lets out one final scream as its disintegrating into nothing.
…
Opening my eyes once more, the dunes of Hueco Mundo appear miniscule as I tower over them. Basking in the iridescent glow of the moonlight, the now quaint little things, seem like nothing more than mere specks in an endless ocean of sand and misery.
And yet, part of me feels almost excited to see them again, urging me to passionately set out and explore the vast landscape before me, to move forward ceaselessly with rose-tinted eyes full of hope.
No, that was the insidious whispering of youth speaking.
For loners, youth was our Achilles' heel—the bane of our quiet, solitude-filled lives. In the afterlife, it proved even more detrimental, poisoning the hearts of men with hollow platitudes and delusions of glory. Countless fell victim to its allure, their dreams leading them not to triumph, but to their own ruin—cut down by ignorance and stupidity. Much like the living world, to dabble in excesses of youth was to invite death as you lie to yourself.
I had already experienced the consequences firsthand.
Enjoying the absence of the nagging voices for the first time in months, I take a minute to appreciate the oddly calm situation. Gathering every bit of spite, anger and disgust inside me, I pour it all into a single definite roar.
It was to be the hammer that would fall down from the void and crush those fools who glorified youth.
"Adolescence, GO SCREW YOURSELF!"
Ha … truly the afterlife is terrible as expected.
A/N: And done! Woah, it's been around a year since the last update and a lot of things have happened. First, I want to apologize for taking so long. Writing the process of Hikigaya turning into a Gillian and asserting his sense of self, definitely was a challenge for me. Honestly speaking there were many times when I simply didn't want to write just because of this roadblock. Flash-forward and here I am trying to finish as much as possible before going back to college.
Moving onto the story, this chapter turned out to be a lot more introspective and darker than I anticipated. Writing Hikigaya's transformation, I wanted to ensure that the process was consistent with Bleach lore while staying faithful to Hikigaya's character. In the future, I am considering making Hikigaya eventually reach Vasto Lorde, but I can't really think of any methods beyond him constantly eating a boatload of Adjuchas. If you have any ideas feel free to PM me or leave a comment—I'd love to hear your thoughts!
As always feedback is greatly appreciated. If you liked this story and haven't done so already, consider checking out my other works. Have a happy 2025 everyone! See you until next time!