Getting Acquainted with the Neighbors
(Aqua Teen Hunger Force is owned and created by Dave Willis and Matt Maiellaro. I don't own the characters of the show, only my original characters, which is what this fanfiction is introducing. This story took place the first quarter of season 8.)
InThere's a place called Seattle, New Jersey, that is a magnet for all the weird and crazy stuff that is happening, even though South New Jersey is a trashcan fire part of the state. New Jersey.There are monsters of the week and C-list villains around every corner on Fairley Street, itwhich is also the home of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. They seemed to be having a surprisingly normal day, with Shake's face glued to the TV, Meatwad playing with his toys and Frylock doing his resources. Moving trucks could be heard outside, but Shake wasn't curious enough to investigate.
"Can it, Meatwad! I'm trying to watch my show!" demanded Shake, not taking his eyes off the television.
"That wasn't me. It must be the new neighbors moving in next door, the ones I'm not to supposed tell you about," Meatwad explained to his milkshake roommate.
"Your mouth is writing excuses that your ass can't check in," the middle-aged milkshake stated, not taking his eyes off the TV, only getting irritated by the noise. "And it won't save you when I bring down the thunder."
"Tough talk for a guy that sits on his ass all day," the ball of meat muttered under his breath. The timer went off in the kitchen, which alerted Shake, and soon asFrylock floated into the kitchen. He put ona pair of oven mitts on his French-fry-like hands to take a batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. When the lazy milkshake caught whiff of the baked goods, he got up from his chair to get some cookies for himself, but instead was met with a slap to the hand by a spatula when he tried to grab one. a piece.
"Ouch! What the hell was that for!?" exclaimed Shake, as herecoiling his hand back in pain.
" These cookies aren't meant for you!" stated Frylock, as he put the cookies on a piece oflarge plate and put them on the counter to cool down.
"Well, what pray tell are these cookies arefor?" his brother/roommate challenged.
Before Frylock could say anything, Meatwad chimed in with an answer. "For the new neighbors next door, I told you earlier."
"Meatwad! I told you not to tell him that!" scolded the floating box of French fries.
"And you should have known better than to trust me with a secret, because I don't know any better," the childlike meatball pointed out to his brother/father-figure/roommate.
"Oh, so nice you care more about complete strangers than your roommate you've known for years!" Shake stated sarcastically in his own abrasive, self-entitled way.
"I thought we were a family?" the naïve ball of meat pointed out innocently (also, obviously).
"Don't you dare say that I am in any way related to you, you mutated freak!" the entitled cup responded stridently, kicking Meatwad like a ball.
"This is why I didn't tell you about the new neighbors!" the scientist said as he glared at Shake for kicking Meatwad.
"Yeah, Meatwad! He did it because you would scare them off with your existence, like you always do!" Shake demeaned Meatwad, thinking Frylock was referring to him (which obviously wasn't true, since the idiot cup's brain was constantly doing narcissistic backflips).
"I was talking about you, dumbass, and the dumbass things you do is the reason we rarely get new neighbors or anyone on this block, except for Carl," corrected Frylock, still looking angrily at his roommate.
"It's not my fault people can't handle my awesomeness. After all, I am the master, it's in my name!" Shake proudly said. Frylock rolled his eyes at this and knew it was pointless arguing with Shake, since everything people say to him will go in one ear and out the other.
" Listen, our landlord Markula promised to extend our rent for a couple of months, if we make a first good impression with the new neighbors, and I don't need you screwing things up like you always do!" the responsible member of the group calmly explained, shooting another glare at his most troublesome roommate. at the end of his sentence.
"Well, I'm about to prove you wrong!" stated Shake as he headed out the door, probably going to greet the new neighbors. Frylock didn't have the chance to stop him.
"Damn it, Shake!" exclaimed the super genius French fry box. He then let out an exhausted sign and turned to Meatwad. "Looks like we are meeting the new neighbors earlier than intended. Come on, Meatwad, we are going to make sure Shake doesn't drive them away."
He wrapped the plate of cookies in plastic wrap and headed out the door, with Meatwad trailing behind him.
Meanwhile, next door to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force's house to the right, there were moving men helping bring inthe furniture and boxes into the house. There wasn't a lot of items, and the furniture looked like they were from an apartment. The new neighbors were two young women who looked like they were related to each other, like sisters, and appeared to be Caucasian. The oldest was very beautiful, with long brown hair that reached down to the top of h er tailbone. She was wearing a plain, red T-shirt, and light blue pants, both of which fit her nicely, and red shoes. The youngest was also pretty, wearing rectangle glasses, messy black hair in a ponytail that reached her shoulders, and an unzipped purple jacket with a hoodie. She was also wearing a yellow T-shirt with a green blotch on it, blue jeans, and white sneakers with one yellow strip.
"Please be careful with the cabinet, it's brand new," the oldest told the two men handling said cabinet.
"Will do, miss," one of the men reassured the woman.
"And if any of you drop any of my boxes, it will be your ass!" ordered the youngest girl to the other men handling her stuff.
"Maisie!" the older girl scolded her sister. known as Maisie.
"What? I got important shit in those boxes and I can't afford to have any of them to be destroyed. You know that, Samantha," Maisie pointed out. to her older sister, Samantha.
"I know, Maisie. But could you please try to be polite to the men that are moving our things, just until they are done?" Samantha asked, wanting her sister to show some restraint in her behavior. And speaking of that,Before Maisie could respond back, to her sistera large milkshake came barging in like he owned the place.
"WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD, BITCHES!" Shake yelled. Then, just because he could, he knocked over a stack of boxes.
"WHAT THE FUCK, SHITHEAD?! THOSE HAD MY SHIT IN IT!" screamed Maisie as she made sure her stuff didn't get destroyed. AndLo and behold it was okay, so she thenstarted to dig through the box and look for something to take care of this jackass.
" Well, you shouldn't have left it there. I'm the master of this neighborhood, and the master needs his path unobstructed," said the obnoxious milkshake, as a way of being the alpha male, asshole that he is. He didn't notice Maisie putting together a handgun-sized ray gun.
"Are you also the master of being a 40-year-old virgin, incel loser, with no friends?" Maisie asked, being the little smartass that she is. Before Shake could come up with a comeback, a ball of meat came rolling in.
"Oh burn! She got you good, Shake!" the ball of meat chimed in. beforeHe turned to the two women in front of him and causally added, "By the way, I'm Meatwad and I live next door, so that makes us neighbors. Who would you guys be?"
Before any of them could respond, Meatwad was kicked to the side by Shake.
"What did I tell you about talking to the neighbors, you imbecile!? Do you want to scare these hot babes away!?" Shake rudely interrogated the ball of meat. "And I was right in the middle of delivering a sick burn to this little runt who dared insult the master, and now I forgot about it and it's all your fault!"
Shake's little tirade was cut short when he felt electricity pulsing through his body. His eyes rolled in the back of his head and he passed out. It was revealed that it wasMaisie whoshot him, which shocked and impressed Meatwad.
"Damn, how did you do that and can you shoot him again?" Meatwad asked with a smile, enjoying seeing Shake get his comeuppance.
"Don't worry, I didn't kill him. I designed it to electrocute people who I deemed as a threat or an annoyance. But this guy right here was pissing me off with his constant talking and I wanted him to shut it. I set this on the lowest setting as a way to render him unconscious. I don't think that I destroyed anything important, which I know he doesn't use it," explained Maisie, then gestured to herself and her oldersister. "I'm Maisie by the way and this is my older sister, Samantha."
Frylock, who was still holding a plate of cookies, came in and saw Shake unconscious on the floor and Maisie holding a ray gun. He quickly put two and two together on what just happened and was not surprised at all. Samantha, who had been absorbing the situation and not saying anything, decided to speak up when she saw that the floating box of French fries looked like the most reasonable one of the group.
"Hello, you guys must be our neighbors. andSorry about your friend there, Maisie can be hostile at times," Samantha stated, trying to be cordial.
"It's okay, his dumb ass probably deserved it and he's still breathing, so no harm done," Frylock reassured her, after feeling his roommate's pulse to make sure he's still alive. Meatwad rolled up to Maisie and held up his fist for a fist bump, Maisie happily returned it, after learning she was in the clear. Frylock gave them a quick side glance, before handing Samantha the plate of cookies. "Anyway, I brought some cookies."
"Thanks, that's very sweet of you. Sorry, I haven't gotten your name," stated the young woman in her mid-twenties, grateful for the housewarming gift.
"My name is Frylock and these are my roommates, Meatwad and Shake. Your name is Samantha, from what I heard from your sister," the scientist introduced himself and his friends to the woman. He noticed Maisie holding a homemade ray gun. "I see that your sister is an inventor. I'm an inventor myself."
"Well, Maisie is a super genius and a super handful. But I still love her anyway," Samantha stated, earning her a middle finger from her little sister as she entered the kitchen to put the cookies on the counter. She came back out with brownies from a nice bakery and homemade potato salad in three small tableware.
"Anyway, here you go. I only had enough time to make enough potato salads for our new neighbors before you guys arrived, and I also bought these brownies from a nice bakery. I hope that's alright, I just wanted to make a nice impression on the neighbors," she explained further as she handed Frylock the brownies and the potato salads.
"That's very nice of you and we appreciate the kind gesture," Frylock stated as he took the welcome gift. At the same time, asCarl suddenly walked into the house.
"Alright freaks, leave these gorgeous ladies alone! I don't need you scaring them away!" stated Carl as he tried to shoo them away, the same time as Shake was regaining consciousness. "A dumpster just filled up, maybe see if you can find whatever it is you like in it."
"Hello, may I help you with something?" Samantha asked unamused, as she was getting a little tired of strangers barging into her house already. The fat, balding slob stopped in his tracks when this beautiful woman was talking to him, and he came up to her trying to act all charming.
"Hey there, just wanted to let you know not everyone on this street is a freak," he said, then put on a tough guy act to try to impress her. "Don't worry about the ones who are, like these guys here. I keep them in line."
"BACK OFF, TUBBS. I SAW THEM FIRST!" yelled a fully conscious Shake as he now gains consciousnessgot up and tried to shoo him away.
"Well, let's see you hold the line," Samantha chimed in, in a tone that meant she didn't buy the act Carl was putting on and trying to prevent a fight from happening in her new house.
"No matter how this pans out, I'll get a ton of views." Maisie put down her gun and had herpulled out her phone out, knowing her sister can handle creeps very well on her own. Then another stranger came through the front door looking like a bootleg version of the Toxic Avenger, striking a heroic pose. came in standing all heroic.
"Have no fear, The Virulent Vigilante is here!" the man heroically announced. He turned his attention to the four men in the room. "Why don't you four leave these lovely ladies alone?"
"Piss off, dicklick! I was here first!" Shake and Carl exclaimed at the same time, not wanting someone else tostepping into their turf. The mutant hero felt threatened and responded by puking on the floor, causing the two idiot jerks to back away. Carl got a little bit of it on his toes.
"Oh god, look at it! It's melting the floor!" Shake pointed out. which causeSamantha's eye started to twitch when she saw the puke melting her new floor, but then everybody noticed Carl's toes were beginning to melt to the bone, making him tocry out in pain. This caused Meatwad to yell "Damn!" and Frylock to yell "My God!"
" Whelp, I officially hate it here," Maisie simply concluded as she put her phone away. She decided to make Carl, whose screams of pain had died down, and make himdeal with this guy, like he claimed he would. "Well, tough guy, here's your chance to back up your tough talk or you can admit you're full of crap."
Carl was about to say something, but the young genius cut him off. "And before you come up with some bullshit excuse or use your injuries to get out of it, I will fix your toes."
T he hairy, balding man was bewildered on what she just said and what doesshe meant by that. he sawMaisie approached one of the boxes, opened it, and rummaged through it, until she found what she needed. It was a ray gun that had a hospital cross on it. She shot at Carl's feet, instantly healing his toes to their original form. This bewildered Frylock as well; even though he's a super genius himself, even he couldn't match that kind of skills. Carl realized this as well.
"What the hell fry man, you're super smart but you couldn't come up with something like that?" questioned the sport fanatic, but Maisie cut it short.
"Less talking, more punching that creep!" the young woman ordered.
Carl at that point wouldfelt like he had to do something, or he'd look like a punk. He came up to the mutant, who look scared, and said, "Hey freak, this is for melting my freaking toes!"
He punched him in the gut, which caused the Virulent Vigilante to fall down, clutching his stomach in pain. Everyone was surprised it was that easy, including Carl. was surprised by that.
"Oh god why?" groaned the wannabe hero. "I just wanted to get laid, that's why I let my weird-ass boss mutate me!"
Everybody went from shock to annoyance at the mutant man's pathetic nature. One of the moving men, who had been moving stuff and ignoring what was going on around, came up to Samantha.
"We loaded the last of your belongings, Dr. Higgins!" stated the moving man. He focused on the sad little man on the ground. "Do you want us to take care of this guy?"
"No, it's under control. But thanks anyway, and thanks for you guys loading our belongings in the house," Samantha stated. This signaled the other moving men to leave the house and avoid the rest of the chaos going on right now. and leave the house.
"So, you're a doctor?" TheFrylock causally asked, trying to make the situation less awkward. "That's pretty cool!"
" Yes, I'm just a veterinarian, nothing special. Me and Maisie moved here, because I was offered a new workplace with a better pay and hours," the doctor causally answered.
" Great! She's a lesbian!" Shake complained very loudly. He received a smack from Carl, which was a surprise to the Aqua Teens, since he's usually a misogynist pervert.
"She isn't a lesbian, dumbass! That means she knows a way around a body and can go both ways," stated Carl.
"She's not that kind of doctor, moron. She only works on animals. And by the look of this, you definitely fit that category," Maisie snarked causally as she looked through her phone. This earned her a laugh from Shake.
"She's got you there, tubs!" the milkshake jerkily said.
"Keep pushing it, cup, and I'll go ape on your ass!" threatened the fat man as he jabbed a finger to the cup's chest, because he isgrowing tired of Shake's BS for today.
"Why are you pissed at me? She said it first!" Shake said in his never-take-any-responsibility-for-his-actions attitude.
"Yeah, but I don't like you!" reinforced Carl, using his fist as a threatening method. Before anything could happen, the mutant decided to be less pathetic as possible.
"If you think you can keep me down, you're mistaken. I'm a superhero and it's gonna take more than that," the so-called hero moaned in pain, as he got to his feet. He stumbled slightly, clutching his stomach for a little bit, until he gained more ground. Maisie was getting tired of this stupidity.
"Just get the fuck out of here! You're just embarrassing yourself and you're justmelting shit in our new home!" the young scientist bluntly stated.
"No can do, little lady! You two need a man in your life, and maybe we could be more than just friends!" the Virulent Vigilante insisted.
" Not going to happen, get out!" Samantha stipulated, as she pointed to the open door as a sign to go away.
"Friends with benefits?" asked the mutant, not taking the hint to leave.
"Fuck no! Get the fuck out, you melting piece of shit!" demanded Maisie.
"Harem?"
"Take a god damn hint already, man! Just fucking leave already, they don't want you here!" Frylock exclaimed as he floated between the mutant and the new neighbors.
"Come on, I let myself get mutated so I could be a superhero and get laid! Like Superman, he gets plenty of ladies," whined the Virulent Vigilante.
"Boy, don't you be slandering Superman. He's a devoted husband to Lois Lane," Meatwad interjected.
"Spiderman?" Vigilante said.
"Marvel never lets him be happy, dude. Every girlfriend or wife he's had dies, leaves him, or has her memory erased. Disney just gets off on seeing Spiderman unhappy," Maisie pointed out.
Vigilante tried to say another name, but Frylock cut him off. "Look man, even if superheroes get men or women, the hero is either dysfunctional and ends up driving them away, they die, or they get rebooted and were never together. So being a superhero ain't gonna make you any more likely to get laid!"
"Plus, if you think any woman in her right mind would bang you, unless she gets turned on by having her face melt off while making out, you're outta luck," Shake chimed in.
"Seriously man, you are stupid," Carl added.
"B-b-but I…" The Mutant was about to make another protest, but a fed up Frylock used his eyebeam to levitate him and throw him out the door, making him tumble onto the street. When the mutant got to his feet, a semi-truck came by and ran him over, leaving no trace of his body behind.
"Well, that was anti-climactic," commented the young genius as she recorded the whole thing.
"You can say that again, girl! Shoot, that old boy is probably long gone now," stated Meatwad.
"Yep. God rest that poor bastard's soul as he rots in hell," Maisie bluntly said.
"Maisie! You don't speak about the dead like that!" Samantha scolded her sister.
"What!? That guy was starting to give off rapey vibes. You think people said not to speak badly about Ted Bundy?" her little sister pointed out. "He's kind of like that Markula dude, pervy as hell vampire."
Samantha decided to not further argue with her little sister, knowing it's a waste of time and energy to do that.
"Look, how about we help you out with unpacking? Just as a way to make up for inconveniencing you two like that," Frylock offered.
"Screw that! I refuse to do manual labor for a couple of strangers!" Shake bluntly stated, making his way out and giving the double middle fingers to the others.
"For once, I am with the cup on this. I have more important things to do," Carl agreed, joining the milkshake on leaving. They stopped in their tracks when they saw Maisie pointing the same shock gun from earlier on them, but this time it was set on high.
"Whoa, easy there, little lady! There's no need to do that!" stated the hairy slob as he walked backwards awayslowly with his hands up, feeling intimated by the young woman holding him at gun point. Before Maisie could make her move, Samantha snatched the gun out of her little sister's hands.
"Maisie there has been enough violence today," scolded the doctor. Maisie in return crossed her arms in a huff and mumbled, "You never let me have fun."
Frylock turned to Carl and Shake. "Seriously though, you two, the least you can do is help unpack after you just barged into their new house."
"Especially Big Gulp over there," the young genius chimed in, pointing to the giant milkshake, "because he knocked over boxes of my stuff."
"What is THAT supposed to mean?!" Shake demanded angrily, referring to the "Big Gulp" comment.
"You know what I mean," challenged Maisie. This caused the milkshake to confront her, but she looked unimpressed.
"Look here, you little bitch! I am not above hitting a little girl in front of her older sister, and if you think I…" He was cut off by some pepper spray to the face by Samantha, because he tried to raise his hand to her little sister.
"What the hell, you stupid bitch!?" yelled Shake as he rubbed at his eyes. However, Samantha sprayed him again for calling her a stupid bitch. This time his eyes swelled up, his eyes,but his dumbass male pride wouldn't let up. "Just for that I won't be having your potato salads or your store-bought brownies! You're a woman, you are supposed to cook something better..."
He couldn't finish his misogynistic little speech because he was greeted with a road kick to the face from Samantha. It appeared that she broke Shake's non-existing nose and he appear to befell unconscious. The older sister looked embarrassed on what she did once the anger disappeared. Meatwad and Maisie were impressed and found it funny, Carl was afraid of this woman's wrath, and Frylock was amazed by Samantha's form and found it a little hot.
"Damn! How'd you learn to do that?" asked the impressed floating box of French fries.
"I take kickboxing to relieve stress. It gives me an outlet for a lot of the frustration growing up with boozer parents," Samantha explained.
"Oh, sorry to hear that," stated Frylock.
"Don't be, child protective services did their jobs somehow. Thank God I took custody of Maisie when I hit 18," the straight woman pointed out. "But it's best not to dwell on the past and let's focus on unpacking."
"Sounds like a plan, big sis. I just want this day over and done with," the genius girl pointed out. wanting for this day to end.
Everybody (except Shake) chipped in to help unpack. Even Carl helped, but he wasn't allowed to handle the girls' personal belongings for obvious reasons. After a couple of hours, Samantha and a reluctant Maisie made some sandwiches for the boys for lunch. Around the same time, asShake regained consciousness and saw that everybody was eating.
"There better be one made for me!" challenged the drink cup.
"Sandwiches aren't for lazy bums," Maisie bluntly stated. Shake glared at her for that.
"I wasn't talking to you, you little skank…YOW!" The milkshake couldn't finish his little tirade because Maisie shot him with the stun gun again. The young genius noticed she forgot to set the stun setting from high to medium, and she let out an "Oops." This gave Carl the perfect moment to leave before anything else happened.
F rylock floated over to where his roommate was lying unconscious, and hemade sure that he still had a pulse. Once again, he did.
"Sorry about your friend again," Maisie apologized a second time, even though she wasn't really sorry.
" Don't worry about it. At least we get a break from him for the next 12 hours," stated Frylock, as he grabbed his unconscious roommate by his straw and dragged him back to their house.
"I call the recliner tonight as my bed and toilet," Meatwad declared as he headed out after his roommates.
Which leaveThe two sisters were finally alone in their new house, taking in what happened today. Afterwards the sisters cleaned everything up, Maisie claiming to fix the hole in the floor tomorrow. The sisters went to bed in separate and respected rooms, feeling like their new lives here were going to be a little interesting.
Maisie was sitting in a director's chair looking annoyed.
"I'm Maisie Higgins from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force fanfiction and I am here to tell you that sexual assault ain't a laughing matter, and we at Aqua Teen Hunger Force want you to know that we have compassion to those who have been or know someone who was a victim of SA, so BACK OFF, YOU FUCKING KARENS!" Maisie stated, then screamed the last part in anger.
(This is how the origin story went.)