Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Oshi No Koi
The door creaked open and Ai stepped into her apartment carrying two large, brown paper bags filled with very carefully chosen gifts.
She felt very proud that she didn't need to get help to choose them out.
Sensei was really great but she had her own pride too. She was a famous idol and a budding actress, she knew people and had connections. It was time she acted like it!
'Oi. Why are you making me out to be the bad guy here?' Imaginary Uzumaki sensei said exasperated and Ai bit back her giggles imagining the man's reaction.
Nearly everything was almost done in time for their birthdays and she still had a couple of days to spare.
She slipped off her shoes at the door and sighed, her gaze sweeping over the apartment she had called home.
Not for much longer, though. Ai wasn't sure how to feel about the move. This was her first real home, and the thought of leaving it behind left a knot in her chest. She had taken so much pride in securing it, and now, the idea of letting go felt bittersweet.
"Ahh... another long day." she muttered to herself, pushing the door closed behind her. Her hat, a stylish beret, was the first thing she removed when she dropped the bags, tossing it lightly onto the couch.
Life had gotten so busy lately. Filming for a commercial was definitely no easier than a TV show, despite what she had once believed.
In fact, it felt like they valued perfection even more because it was so short. Every second had to count, every frame had to be flawless. It was a whole different kind of pressure, quick, intense, and unforgiving.
And she had 2 of them back to back as well.
As much as she liked the attention and she did, there were moments like this, when she wished she could just pause for a second.
"It feels like everyone wants a piece of me lately." Ai murmured, moving into the kitchen with the bags, a hint of exhaustion in her voice betraying her nature. She set the bags down on the counter, then leaned against it.
'When I was younger, the thought of turning down opportunities would've shocked me.' A slight giggle followed the thought as she carefully stood on her tiptoes and lifted the bags high enough to tuck them into the back of a cabinet. "There we go… good luck finding those."
Her sneakers hit the floor with a soft thud, and she paused, pondering what to do next. Miyako had taken the twins out for some fresh air, so she didn't need to worry about them for now.
She turned around, gazing at her empty apartment.
In Ai's mind, a tumbleweed rolled by.
'Well, it's nothing I'm not used to.'
Moments later, Ai Hoshino found herself sprawled on her couch, lazily scrolling through her phone.
'2 p.m. Practice isn't for another two hours.' She glanced at the clock, then back at the screen. With no one to fake a smile for, her expression was completely bland.
Still curiosity tugged at her. She typed her name into the search bar, Ai Hoshino and waited as the results loaded. The first few links were the same as always, fan pages, interviews, more pictures of her smiling or posing cutely.
She swiped through them all.
Endless stream of posts, pictures, messages, comments, most of them glowing with praise, gorgeous, talented, perfect. It was the same over and over again. And while her lips twitched slightly they still stayed frowning.
Her thumbs paused as her eyes landed on something different, something she hadn't come across in a while.
"Wow, she's definitely cuter than most guests, but I guess that's kinda the main thing, right? Seemed like she was just there to smile and look pretty, not much else going on in that noggin. But hey, at least she's a very expensive cookie cutter."
"Uwaaa~ calm down passive aggressive kun." Her starry eyes widened, that stung more than she thought it would.
She scrolled down, reading the comments, noting the surprising number of agreements. Was that the sentiment? Sato san hadn't said anything but maybe he didn't know either? It was a rather niche station after all.
She didn't know how to respond. It had been her first radio appearance, and she had been a bit nervous, still adjusting, so she fell back on her smile. But even that didn't seem to earn her any leniency.
"No substance, huh?" Her eyes narrowed in thought and a smile played on her lips. She didn't feel angry, sad or disappointed. In fact-
'Finally, a new way to improve.' She had been feeling a bit stagnant and this unintentional advice was just what she needed.
Of course had Ichigo Saitou been present, goosebumps would have crawled up his entire body and one word would have echoed in his mind.
Scary.
Her phone had buzzed in a particular ringtone that most would call obnoxious but her eyes lit up like lanterns knowing exactly who it was.
"You really pick the best times huh, sensei?"
However the content of the message was…
Ai jumped to her feet with wide eyes, her fingers typing instinctively.
Uzumaki Sensei: Hey Ai, I know this may sound weird but I need some tips.
Ai: YES!
"Hey! Keep it quiet over there!" A voice came from nearby her apartment but the idol couldn't care less.
Uzumaki Sensei: What? Yes? What are you agreeing to exactly?
Ai: For years I have dreamed of this day. The day you would come before me begging for a morsel of my help. For too long I have stayed in your shadow, learning your ways like a good sponge, mastering your fatherly teachings but no longer. With this I have usurped your role and power! I have become the master of my own destiny!
There was no reply and a heavily breathing, widely smiling Ai added another line.
Ai: Now change my name on your phone to Ai sensei!
Uzumaki Sensei: That was beautiful.
Ai's eyes widened. He agreed with her? Was the sky falling? She had to check.
Ai: Really?
Uzumaki Sensei: Yep. Do you do poetry or something? You have a way with words.
Ai paused, twirling a lock of her hair, a little confused by his casual response. But still, she powered through.
Ai: No, no. It's just that my work allows me to be a bit more creative in how I think, Sensei.
Uzumaki Sensei: That's nice.
Ai wiped the bead of sweat forming on her forehead, staring at the screen, waiting for him to reply. But nothing came.
Ai: Sensei, are you all right?
Uzumaki Sensei: Oh,sorry. I was just looking for something. Do you know where the block button is? Wait, I found it.
Uzumaki Sensei: Has blocked you, deleted you from his contacts, and removed all memories associated with you from his brain.
"Wah?!"
Exactly three minutes later.
Naruto squinted his eyes at the ancient computer as he pressed a slow, cautious finger toward the power button, as if fearing it might explode at any moment.
He blinked. The screen flickered on, then off. On again, only to sputter and release a puff of smoke.
"I don't think…that's supposed to happen," Naruto muttered, stepping back hoping the dinosaur didn't explode. It had come with the house and it was clear he wouldn't be able to use it.
Zmmm zmmm.
"She doesn't give up huh?" Naruto opened up his phone, raising an eyebrow at the numerous messages. 102 unread messages and it was growing.
Diaper Girl: Sensei, it was just a joke! Please don't force amnesia me out of your mind. I don't even know where you live yet!
Diaper Girl: Actually sensei, I'm too cute for you to forget even if you lose all your memories. You're stuck with me forever.
Diaper Girl: Sensei, I swear I'll never joke again. I'm not lying!
Diaper Girl: Sensei, I'm a very powerful woman. If you don't unblock me I'll do something! I swear!
Diaper Girl: Sensei don't you want to meet Aqua and Ruby?! You can't if you block me forever! I won't let you!
Diaper Girl: Sensei, are you really mad? Sorry…
Diaper Girl: Sensei, do you really want to block me? You know I have the power and time to send you 30000 emojis in a row, right? Think carefully.
Diaper Girl: I can still be useful! See? I send memes!
Diaper Girl: Sensei, please come back and no more rage quitting!
"This girl is insane." Despite saying that though, Naruto couldn't deny the smile on his face at the cute antics.
Ai who was in the middle of typing a very strongly worded essay about why she should be unblocked was surprised to see Uzumaki sensei respond back.
Quickly deleting it with some regret she eagerly read his response.
Uzumaki Sensei: You shouldn't tease someone who comes to you for help ya know?
Ai: Hai Sensei!
Uzumaki Sensei: Be a bit more serious at times too, okay?
Ai: Hai, Sensei!
Uzumaki Sensei: Pigs can fly and fish can walk.
Ai: Hai sensei!
Ai: Wait no!
Uzumaki Sensei: Yep.
Uzumaki Sensei: You're hopeless like I thought. How did you survive until now, Ai? Anyway I need some tips.
"He gave up on me!" Ai's shoulder dropped knowing the man was writing her off completely.
But she could salvage this.
Ai: What do you need, sensei? This Ai will provide it immediately.
Uzumaki Sensei: You're young right?
Ai paused in amazement, staring dumbfounded. Who was this person and where was her sensei?
Ai: That was super creepy, sensei. Please never send a message like that again. As a woman, I almost instinctively blocked you.
Uzumaki Sensei: You're exaggerating.
Ai: I'm really not Sensei. On a scale of 1 to 10 on a creepy meter, that's a 30 to life prison sentence.
Uzumaki Sensei: Was it really that bad?
Ai: Trust me sensei. Have I ever led you astray?
The 5 seconds of silence gave her his answer as the woman's shoulders dropped. She knew it.
Ai: You're doubting me!
Uzumaki Sensei: No, I'm not. Why would you think that?
Ai: Sensei stop lying! You type way too fast so the gap was very noticeable. Even just now you typed way too fast.
The next 5 seconds of silence was even more comical.
Ai: Sensei!
Uzumaki Sensei: Anyway, will you give me some tips or not?
"You completely avoided the topic!"
Ai: Sure sensei what did you need?
Uzumaki Sensei: You remember that thing we talked about a couple days while we went out?
A soft redness crept in her cheeks but she quickly blinked it away not even paying it any mind.
Ai: Thing? What thing?
Uzumaki Sensei: You're some kind of human goldfish aren't you?
"Brat!" The bellow of a much larger being, accompanied by a massive paw slamming down onto the jeep, was enough to halt Naruto's foot from pressing the gas pedal.
He sighed, rubbing his forehead in frustration, and slowly rolled down the window, counting to ten. Why, oh why was this fox always like this?
A large crimson slit eye immediately filled the empty space and Naruto looked at the only reason he was even entertaining this idea.
"Kurama? What now?"
"You're leaving me with your brats again?! We were supposed to be planning how to get back at this Chinesa man!"
"First, it's Chinese," Naruto grumbled tiredly, rubbing his temples wondering why he had to deal with an adult baby. "Second, we use names in this house, and third, I'm doing this because of all your constant complaining! Now, shrink down!"
With a puff of smoke, Naruto was now faced with an angry, yet oddly intrigued fox perched on his dashboard.
"Explain!" came the squeaky, demanding voice.
Naruto opened his mouth to respond, but then quickly shut it. A thought flickered in his mind.
'If I tell him the truth, he'll never let me leave…'
An idea formed, and with a smirk, he decided to twist the facts just enough to keep the fox off his back.
"Kurama." Naruto began, trying to sound serious, "we can't hurt him-"
"WHAT?!"
"-physically." The fox calmed quickly giving him a "go on mortal" look.
Sighing in annoyance, Naruto continued and by the time he was done the fox was looking quite pleased with himself, sitting on his butt stroking his Imaginary beard.
"I see, so you haven't lost that fire in you. Only a mad man could think of something like this. I approve and you say I can help right?"
Naruto rolled his eyes but nodded.
"Good. I had been hoping we could sync up and deal with him like the good old days but this is far better. You may proceed. Call me when you're ready."
The fox then proceeded to jump out of the car, skipping as he hummed a tune under his breath.
All while Naruto was watching in the rear view mirror chuckling.
"Best prank ever."
Unfortunately for him he was about to be the victim of an unintentional prank himself.
"That will be ¥365,000, Mr. Uzumaki!" the sales clerk said with a wide smile, clearly thrilled about the fat commission she was about to earn from his purchase.
Naruto could practically see the dollar signs in her eyes.
He sighed, digging his hand into his pocket and pulling out the thick wad of bills. "Why do I always get stuck paying so much just to keep that damn fox quiet?" he muttered under his breath, casting a glare at the counter, to the boxes, as he reluctantly handed over the money.
Day and night he just would not shut up about Jackie Chan and how he dishonored them somehow. Honestly Naruto regretted even telling him in the first place.
As the clerk finished ringing him up, and began packing his boxes into a cart, but Naruto simply shook his head and with one swift motion, he grabbed all the "heavy boxes" and began walking toward the door, ignoring the stunned look from the clerk.
However, as he passed the wall near the exit, something caught his eye, something that sent a small wave of shock through him.
Naruto stopped in his tracks.
His head turned slightly towards the large poster.
"A-Ai?" He asked in question and the clerk, still recovering from the display of strength, blinked in disbelief.
"You don't know who that is sir? That's Ai Hoshino! She's a famous idol from the group B-Komachi! This photo is from when she was a fashion model! Everyone nearly went crazy when they heard it but she never did another shot so-"
"Right…" Naruto responded, as the woman continued yapping in his ears. He just couldn't stop looking. It was that surprising.
It was a modest swimsuit all things considered. A white off shoulder one piece ruffle that barely showed any cleavage but-
She actually looked like an….adult with responsibilities?
Naruto's mind blew as an array of memories bombarded him.
Sensei, my kids are so cute-
Sensei, maybe we can have a playdate with our kids-
Sensei me and your kids are going to preschool soon-
Shouldn't their mom be dealing with that?
SHE'S CONFUSED TOO SENSEI! SEND HELP!
My kids-
My kids-
?!
Naruto dragged a hand over his face, his cheeks burning with shame and embarrassment. And to think he'd called himself a ninja.
'Idiot.'
He could be wrong, but his instincts told him otherwise. Did she really leave him thinking she was her own children's sibling? Either she was playing the long game to mess with him, or his guess had been way off.
'I hope I'm wrong, or else-' As Naruto walked out of the store, he shivered, dreading the reaction of that crazy little ankle-biter. She'd never let him live it down.
In no time at all, Naruto made it back home and had the boxes unpacked all over the floor. His room was a mess of cables, manuals, and various components, but luckily it was finally over.
The sound of the final plug sliding into place made him smile. He stood up, stretching his arms as he glanced around the room, taking in the chaos of the newly unpacked tech.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a little furry head poking inside the doorway.
"Not yet, Kurama," Naruto said, raising a hand to shoo off the impatient fox.
"Okay, okay. Just checking!"
With the fox out of the way, Naruto turned back to the desk. He clicked the power button and watched as the screen blinked to life.
"Finally." Slipping into the chair, Naruto began clicking through all the startup prompts while pulling out his phone.
He hesitated for a minute remembering what he saw at the store before clearing his mind.
Naruto: Okay Ai, I was able to get everything. Are you sure these will help with editing?
Diaper Girl: Wow! Did you fly there Sensei? That was quick. Also yes! I got this advice from someone very wise in these things!
Naruto: Alright then, I'll take it from here but thank you again.
Diaper Girl: Wait sensei! Is our promise still on?
Naruto: Yes Ai.
Naruto: We will be coming to the party. Luckily it's when I have time to. Though if you wanted to invite me you should have said so earlier.
Diaper Girl: I wanted to but you always seem so busy so…anyway Ruby and Aqua will be excited to finally play with more kids!
Diaper Girl: Now Sensei, prepare yourself, for this journey will no doubt be the most perilous you have ever been on!
Naruto: Right…
Diaper Girl: Don't underestimate the internet. It's a vicious place no one understands even now.
Naruto: Oh? You sound quite experienced in this sort of thing? Any advice for me Ai sensei?
…
Naruto: Ai? Are you there?
….
Diaper Girl: Sorry sensei but I think it's best you don't call me that anymore. I got way too excited and bumped my knee. It hurts a lot sensei. I'm actually crying a bit.
Naruto: Ah. Are you okay?
….
Diaper Girl: No but if you call me Ai sensei again, I will be.
Diaper Girl: Sensei?
….
Naruto: Sorry, I just had to change something.
Starry Eyed Goldfish: Oh that's okay sensei. Now I do have some advice. Since you're just starting out, you're going to need a pretty good hook.
Naruto: Hook?
Starry Eyed Goldfish: Something that makes you different from everyone else around you! No one is going to care about new, old, experienced or otherwise. First impressions are everything! They can make and break you before you even get off the ground floor! If the first glance doesn't catch eyes then the second and third won't either!
Naruto: Wow.
Starry Eyed Goldfish: There's more! Keep it short, concise and impactful. No one is invested in you yet so they won't have any interest in sticking around for long. You have to feed the hunger inside them so they want to come back for more. That they are willing to drop whatever hobby they have now to pay attention to you and only you.
…
Starry Eyed Goldfish: Ehehe. How was that sensei?
Naruto: Ai…
Starry Eyed Goldfish: Sensei~ Do not hold back any praise~
Naruto: What site are you reading from this time?
There was 15 seconds of silence.
Starry Eyed Goldfish: I hate you sensei.
"Psst. Uncle Kurama, what's Daddy doing? Why is he just... there in the middle?" The tiny tailed beast sighed, fiddling with the camera in his hands, grumbling inwardly about how he'd gotten roped into this situation. He'd get that brat back for this. He even used his very own children to keep Kurama quiet!
And people called him an animal!
'Damn these opposable thumbs!'
He glanced over at the blonde man, who was balanced upside down on a single finger in a nondescript orange gi. His face was concealed by a mask, eyes closed, and his body utterly still, resembling a statue.
"He's meditating, brat."
"But... why?" Himawari blinked, her face full of innocent confusion.
"Because he thinks he's gotten weak from not being able to train properly in this world."
Boruto, who had been lounging on the other side, tilted his head as well. "Weak? But... isn't Dad the strongest ever?"
Kurama's eyes widened at the question, then he snorted. So, the boy knew all along? He let out a low chuckle.
"Even the strongest have to train to stay sharp, kid." Kurama explained, turning the camera to focus on Naruto's meditative form. "He's just trying to get back into the swing of things, that's all."
Himawari gasped. "So, he's not weak... but he thinks he is?"
"Not exactly. He's just stretching his limbs." Kurama said with a sigh. It was obvious a toddler wouldn't understand such a concept.
"Maybe... if he played with me more, he wouldn't feel so weak!" Himawari chirped, her expression brightening.
'Ugh these brats are hopeless.'
Before the conversation could continue, Naruto's soft exhale and the sound of something puncturing the ground brought an abrupt end to it.
'Dramatic. Even a chunin could have dodged that.' Though maybe not like that.
"Huh? Uncle Kurama, when did that kunai get-"
The sound echoed again, and a second kunai punctured the ground swiftly.
Himawari fell silent, her pointing hand falling. Her eyes, wide in surprise, flicked from the kunai now embedded in the dojo floor to her father, still suspended in the air, balanced on one finger, floating effortlessly.
Did he…move?
Two more came right after without stopping.
Then four.
Then eight.
Then Sixteen.
Thirty-two.
Sixty-four.
One hundred and twenty-eight.
The kunai fell faster now, filling the air with glinting steel, each one aimed with deadly intent but with the smallest shift and push of his weight, a slight tilt of his posture to the left or right, he avoided every strike.
The sound of metal slamming into the earth echoed in the dojo, growing louder with each passing moment.
Yet not a movement was wasted. Each kunai missed by a hair's breadth, his body swaying, his finger not even shifting from its place at times.
And not a piece of fabric was knicked.
And when the ground around him was littered with hundreds of kunai, Naruto exhaled, pushing himself up once and his finger landed on the hilt of a singular kunai, its sharp point trembling slightly beneath him, sinking into the ground.
For a moment, time stood still and the barrage ceased.
His feet still raised in midair, slowly descended, one settling firmly against the handle of a kunai, allowing his covered face to show along with the kunai caught in his lips dropping to his free hand.
Kurama simply glanced at the floor wondering who was going to clean all that shit up as the two mind blown toddlers gaped beside him.
The tailed beast could only roll his eyes as the second wave of Kunai fell only for them to be deflected this time. It was like watching a movie in slow motion for him.
Boring. When would this brat finish warming up so he could start recording?
Also how on earth would this solve their problem exactly? Stupid ningen.
Little did he know-
1 Day Later.
Late at night, as usual, a ruby eyed little monster was on her defense spree.
She sat in the living room, phone in hand, her pink-ruby eyes narrowed in rage. The six-star in her left eye glinted as she read through the latest flood of online hate directed at her mother, Ai.
"'She's just a pretty face who can't do anything on her own.'" Ruby muttered under her breath, her small fingers flying over the screen. "'She doesn't even deserve the fame.' Ugh, they're all so dumb. Faithless Otaku Trash."
She paused for a second, biting her lip. Some comments weren't even that bad, but Ruby wasn't going to let it slide. She jabbed at the keys, her response quick and sharp.
"Overrated?!" Ruby scoffed, eyes twitching.
Making sure her explicit responses were nice and juicy, Ruby began moving on to the next post religiously, her power as a Twitter user reaching its maximum.
However, she was momentarily distracted when another shared video caught her attention.
Real Life Master Shredder Found?! The Peak of Humanity Reveals Itself!
"Uh?" Confused, the toddler clicked the link, which led her to a YouTube video titled Combat Basics.
'20 million views in 7 hours, but it's only one minute long?! Must be something special.' she thought, her eyes locking onto the image of a blonde, masked man kneeling in the middle of a ring, surrounded by four others dressed like stereotypical ninjas in black with some kind of symbol on their backs.
Then, he began to rise slowly, the four following suit and one of the greatest things she would ever witness would unfold before her very eyes.
70 seconds later the Spiral Dojo would welcome a new life long subscriber.
Yes, I committed to the bit but in my defense I imagined a rather funny scene and wanted it to happen. I wont let it take away from the plot.