"Ted"
Based on the Episode Written by David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon
The following story is copyright © 2022 by Mark Moore.
Buffy was driving down her street at night on the way to her house. Tara was sitting in the passenger seat. Amy, Katrina, and Cordelia were sitting in the back seat.
Tara looked at Buffy. "Buffy."
"Huh?" Buffy asked.
"Should the new Alien have retconned Alien 3 instead of cloning Ripley?" Tara asked.
"Uuummm...yeah, probably."
"Are you okay, sweetie?" Tara asked.
"I'm sorry. I was just-"
"Thinking?"
"No, not thinking. Having a lot of happy non-thoughts. I love it when things are quiet around here."
Amy nodded. "Yeah, with Spike and Drusilla out of the way, we can just chill."
"So...we're pretty sure that there're not more Tarakan assassins coming our way?" Katrina asked.
Cordelia nodded. "Angel's sources say the contract's off."
"How is Angel?" Amy asked her.
Cordelia smiled. "Getting better."
"And you're loving playing nursemaid?" Katrina asked her.
"Oh, yeah!"
Buffy pulled into her driveway, parked her van, shut off the engine, and took the key out of the ignition. Everyone unfastened their seatbelts, unlocked and opened the doors, and got out. They closed the doors, walked over, and climbed the steps to the porch. Buffy reached up to put her house key in the door lock. When she pushed on it to insert it, the door just swung in.
Buffy stared in, concerned to find the door unlocked. "You guys wait here a second."
She slowly walked in and looked around. After a few seconds, she heard a glass fall and break in the kitchen.
"No!" her mother cried out from the kitchen.
Buffy rushed through the dining room to the kitchen door and pushed it open. There, she caught her mother locked in an embrace with and kissing a man.
"Mom!" Buffy exclaimed in surprise.
They broke off their kiss, and all three of them stared awkwardly at each other.
"Oh, my..." Buffy exhaled. "I'm sorry, I..." She exhaled again. "I heard-"
"Uh, I-I-I broke a wineglass. Y-Y-You're home early."
The man smiled. "Hi."
"Hi."
Joyce looked at the man. "Oh! Uh, this is my daughter, Buffy." She looked at Buffy. "Buffy, this is Ted."
Buffy just stared at him, unsure how to react.
Buffy's friends had been invited to stay for dinner. They and Buffy were sitting at the island.
Ted was cooking. He opened the oven and slid in a baking sheet full of mini pizzas. "Okay, here we go!"
At the kitchen door, Joyce emptied the dustpan full of broken glass into the trashcan.
Buffy looked at her. "So. All these late nights at the gallery recently, I gather, you were cataloging more than art."
"Well, I...I've been looking for the right moment to introduce you two. He's a wonderful man."
Buffy looked over her shoulder at Ted cooking. "How'd you meet?"
"Oh, he sells, uh, computer software. He redid my entire system at the gallery, freed up a lot of my time."
"To meet new people. And smooch them in my kitchen."
"You weren't supposed to see that."
Ted took the cast-iron pan from the stove, went over to the island with it, and scooped out several finished pizzas.
Tara smiled. "I like my new 9-gig hard drive."
Ted looked at her. "But you don't love it, 'cause, without the DMA upgrade, your computer's only half a rocket ship."
"Yeah, but who can afford the upgrades?" Tara asked him.
"Well, you can! I get the demos for free; I don't see why I shouldn't give 'em to you for the same price! Any friend of Buffy's..."
Tara squealed with delight. Katrina munched on one of the mini pizzas.
"What?" Ted asked in confusion.
"Oh, that's the sound she makes when she's speechless with geeker joy. This pizza rocks my taste buds. What's your secret?" Katrina asked him.
"Well, after you bake it, you fry it in herbs and olive oil, but you gotta use a cast-iron skillet." Ted knocked his pan. "No room for compromise there."
Amy looked at Ted. "Y'know, you should market these things."
Ted laughed at that and took the plate with the pizzas over to Buffy. "Hungry?"
"No, thanks."
"Buffy, I want to apologize. That wasn't how I wanted us to meet. I wanted it to be...perfect. I'm very fond of your mother; I guess that's pretty obvious." Ted gestured toward the picture of the two of them on the refrigerator. "I know you're the most important thing in her life, and, well, gosh, that makes you pretty important to me, too."
Joyce came over to stand next to Ted. "Buffy, I really want you to be okay with this."
Ted shook his head. "Beg to differ: we really want you to be okay with this."
They both smiled at Buffy.
"I'm okay."
"You are?" Joyce asked her.
"I am." Buffy smiled stiffly.
In the park, Buffy was fighting a vampire. She picked him up and threw him onto an empty picnic table. He crashed down onto it, and it collapsed underneath him. He shook off the blow as he got back up and came at Buffy again. She grabbed the metal lid from a trashcan while Giles looked on. She used it as a shield to block the vampire's punch and then hit him over the head with it. He fell to his knee but got back up. She hit him with it again, and he fell to his other knee and quickly got up again. She hit him a third time, and he staggered again.
"Buffy? I-I believe he's - he's, um..."
Buffy swung down with the lid from above onto the vampire's head. He just absorbed the blow and came at her with a punch. She blocked the swing with the lid again and swung it around onto his head from above again. Giles winced at what he was seeing. Buffy blocked another punch, then discarded the lid and kicked the vampire in the face.
"It-It's - It's staking time, really. Don't you think?" Giles asked her.
Buffy kicked the vampire again and followed up with a punch to the jaw. Giles sat down on a bench to wait, holding his bag in his lap. Buffy threw a right jab to the vampire's face. She followed up with a kick to his knee, making the vampire fall to the ground. She pulled a stake out of her jacket and cleanly jammed it into his chest, killing him.
Buffy looked around as she walked over to Giles. "Any others?"
"Well, for their sakes, I certainly hope not."
"What?" Buffy asked, surprised. "I kill vampires; that's my job."
"Well, true, true, although you don't usually beat them into quite such a bloody pulp beforehand. Everything all right?"
"Yeah! Fine!" Buffy walked around him, stepped up onto the bench, and sat on the backrest. "I killed a vampire here on Wednesday. Why are they hanging out at the park?"
"Well, they're...scattered, you know. Now their leaders are gone, with any luck dead. In times of crisis, they usually return to the easiest feeding grounds."
"Vampires are creeps."
"Yes, that's why one slays them."
"I mean...people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around, and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid fucking little mini pizzas, and everyone's like 'I like your mini pizzas', but I'm telling you, I am-"
"Uh, uh, Buffy! I-I believe the...subtext here is - is...rapidly becoming, uh, uh, text." Giles cleared his throat. "Are you sure there's nothing you want to share?"
"No. Forget it." Buffy looked around again. "Think there'll be any more? I-I can wait."
The next day, at Sunnydale High, Tara and Buffy were walking in a hall.
"So he's a good cook. Well, what does that really tell you about a person?" Buffy asked.
"You don't like him?" Tara asked.
"I don't know him. I-I mean, so far, all I see is someone who apparently has a good job, seems nice and polite, and my mother really likes him. I'm just saying there's something a little too clean about this clown."
They arrived at the vending machines.
"Buff, you're lacking evidence." Tara put her coins into the machine and selected a regular Coke.
"Okay, I admit it's weird. Seeing my mother frenching a guy is definitely a ticket to Therapyland, but it's more than that. I'm pretty good at sensing what's going on around me, and there is definitely something wrong with this...Ted."
Tara spotted Ted coming down the stairs behind Buffy. "Ted!"
"Of course, Ted. Who'd you think I was talking about?" Buffy asked her.
Tara grinned nervously. "Hi, Ted! Ted, who's here."
Ted smiled. "Hello, kids!"
Buffy turned quickly to face him. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm updating the software in the guidance office." Ted pulled several disks from his pocket and handed them to Tara. "Which reminds me, your upgrades."
Tara eagerly accepted the disks. "Oh, what a day! Thank you!"
Buffy gave Tara a look.
"Think nothing of it. Buffy, do you like miniature golf?"
Buffy shrugged. "It's okay."
"Well, your mother and I were thinking maybe, this Saturday, we could drag you out to the course, spend some time swinging the iron with the stuffy old people."
"Well, uh-"
"I'm making a picnic basket. With mini pizzas. And cookies!"
"You know what, I - I would love to, honestly, but, um, unfortunately, I have that thing on Saturday." Buffy looked to Tara for support.
"Ohhh, that thing. That thing."
Ted stared at them. "I detect a fib."
Buffy slumped her shoulders in defeat. "Fine."
Ted grinned. "Great!"
Buffy could only smile half-heartedly. Tara put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
In Ms. Calendar's classroom, she was gathering assignments from the desks.
Giles walked up to the door and stepped in. "Hello, Jenny."
"Rupert. Hi."
"Some of your, uh, textbooks were delivered to the library. Um, do you want me to, uh, hang on to them?"
"Yeah, that's fine. I'll send the kids by to pick 'em up."
"Right. Good." Giles turned around and started out of the room.
"Pretty flimsy excuse for coming by to see me."
Giles came back in. "You should have heard the ones I threw out." He smiled briefly. "I just...I wanted to, uh...see how you were doing."
"I'm doing pretty good, actually. I've stayed out of mortal danger for four whole weeks. I could get used to it."
Giles smiled at that.
"I'm still having trouble sleeping, though."
Giles stepped closer. "Oh, of course. Um...you - you - you need time."
"Or possibly space. Rupert, I know you're concerned. But having you constantly poking around, making little puppy-dog eyes at me, wondering if I'm okay..." Jenny sighed. "You make me feel bad that I don't feel better. I don't want that responsibility."
"Sorry." Giles looked down. "I certainly don't mean to make, um, 'dog eyes'...at you. I'm just-"
"Worried. I know."
"I shouldn't have bothered you." Giles turned and walked out of the room with his head hung down.
Jenny watched him go and sighed. She went back to collecting the papers.
That evening, in Angel's apartment, Cordelia was replacing the bandage on his right hand while he lay in his comfy chair.
Buffy was pacing back and forth, her arms crossed. "So Mom's like 'Do you think Ted will like this?' and 'This is Ted's favorite show' and 'Ted's teaching me computers' and 'Ted said the funniest thing', and I'm like 'That's really great, Mom', and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't wanna talk about Ted all the fucking time."
Angel looked up at her. "So...you gonna talk about something else at some point?"
Buffy sighed. "I'm sorry. I just have so much shit to deal with; I don't need some guy in my life."
Cordelia finished wrapping the bandage.
Angel handed her a piece of tape while looking at Buffy. "No, but maybe your mom does."
Cordelia took the tape and put it on the bandage.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Well, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom."
Angel chuckled. "Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is."
"Okay, so my mom needs a guy in her life. Does it have to be Ted?" Buffy asked.
"Do you have somebody else in mind? There's a guy out there that would satisfy you?" Cordelia asked her.
"My dad?" Buffy suggested.
Cordelia looked at her.
"Yeah, okay, that's not gonna happen. Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance. I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and be the dutiful daughter. Do I have to like him?" Buffy asked.
Angel shrugged and smiled at Cordelia. "Kiss me."
Cordelia smiled. "Gladly!" She leaned over him and kissed him lightly on the lips.
Cordelia got in his lap, and they kissed more passionately. Buffy awkwardly watched them and silently critiqued Cordelia's technique.
On Saturday, Buffy, her mom, and Ted went to the mini-golf course. The group walked up to the next hole, a five-par cuckoo clock.
Joyce looked at Ted. "That picnic was delicious. You know how rare it is to find a man that cooks?"
Buffy rolled her eyes.
"I know I've been looking a long time for one."
Ted looked at Buffy. "So, Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block, tryin' to get a date with you."
Buffy laughed. "Nah. I'm gay."
Ted frowned.
"Not that I exactly go out on dates, anyway. Tara and I mostly just hang out."
"Well, with all of that free time, I hope that means your grades will be picking up soon." Ted bent down to position his ball for his shot.
"My grades?" Buffy paced over to her mom. "How does he know about my grades?"
"I told him. He wants to know everything about you. He's concerned. That's a good thing."
Ted made his shot.
"Ooh, nice shot, Ted!" Joyce cheered.
At the next hole, with a castle, Buffy was ready to take her shot.
"Keep your eye on the ball. Watch those elbows!" Ted yelled.
Buffy swung a bit too hard, and the ball ricocheted off the castle and into the rough behind it.
"Oh! Bad luck, little lady!" Ted exclaimed.
Buffy started to walk to retrieve her ball for another try.
Joyce shook her head. "Oh, we won't count it."
Ted looked at her. "We won't?"
Buffy stopped and turned back to look at them.
"Well, it's just miniature golf."
"It is, but the rules are the rules. And what we teach her is what she takes out into the world when we're not there, whether it's at school or an unchaperoned party." Ted looked at Buffy. "I don't mean to overstep my bounds; this is between you and your mother; I just think right is right."
Joyce looked at Buffy. "He has a point."
"Fine. I'll just go hit my ball from the rough." Buffy went over to her ball behind the castle and picked it up. She stepped onto the green and, thinking no one saw her, dropped her ball into the hole. "Hey, how 'bout that?! Got a hole in two!"
"Beg to differ."
Buffy turned her head to see Ted standing next to the castle, where he could see.
Buffy shrugged. "Okay, so fine my score or whatever."
"I think you're missing the point here, little lady. Right is right; wrong is wrong. Why don't people see that?"
"It's just a game?" Buffy guessed.
"Right, it's just a game; do your own thing; well, I'm not wired that way." Ted started hitting his ankle with his club pretty hard. "And I am here to tell you it is not a game! It does count, and I don't stand for that kind of malarkey in my house!"
Buffy gave him a death stare. "Then I guess it's a good thing I'm not in your house."
"Do you want me to slap that smart-ass mouth of yours?" Ted threatened.
Buffy couldn't believe her ears. She noticed her mother come around the castle.
Ted followed her gaze. "Who's up for dessert? I made chocolate chip cookies!" He smiled.
Joyce opened the Ziploc bag of cookies. Buffy stared at them and couldn't believe Ted just threatened her.
"Yeah! I-I made, uh, too many, so you guys are gonna have to take some home!" Ted exclaimed.
Joyce had a cookie and was munching away. "Mm! Buffy, you've got to try one of these! They're really good! Mm!"
Ted offered her one with a smile. Buffy just kept looking at them in disbelief.
On Monday morning, at the Summers house, Buffy wandered into the kitchen.
Joyce got the orange juice from the refrigerator and brought it to the island. "Good morning, sunshine!"
"Hey."
Joyce set down the carton. "I've got juice; I've got sticky buns; oh, don't they smell good?!"
Buffy picked up part of a bun.
"Ted made them."
Buffy put it back down.
Joyce smiled. "What?"
"I'd just like to eat something around here that Ted didn't make."
"Oh, what kind of an attitude is that?" Joyce asked her.
Buffy sighed. "Look, Mom, I know you think he's great and all, but I-"
Joyce poured some juice. "Y'know, he went out of his way to be nice to you, and you couldn't say two words to him on Saturday." She poured another glass. "I do not expect you to love him right away, like I do, but I do expect you to treat him decently."
"You love him?" Buffy asked in surprise.
Joyce put down the juice carton. "I-I don't know." She sighed. "That just slipped out." She took the juice back to the fridge. "But I guess; I mean...it's not exactly like men beat down the door when you're a single-"
"When you're a single parent."
Joyce sighed. "Honey, look. I wouldn't have anything to do with anybody, if they didn't care about you. But he does! I don't understand why you can't see that!"
"He threatened me."
"What?" Joyce came back to the island.
"He threatened me. He said that he was gonna slap my face."
"He said no such thing! Honey, Ted told me what happened. He caught you cheating, didn't he?"
Buffy sighed. "Yeah, I dropped my ball in; put me in jail; but he totally wigged!"
"And he didn't say anything about it in front of the others, did he?"
"Uh, no, but I don't think that's the-"
"Well, I thought that that was pretty decent of him! Ted said we are just gonna have to give you time to come around. Oh, speaking of which, he's making dinner for us tonight, so I'd like you at home, please, promptly at six." Joyce pointed down for emphasis.
Buffy gave her mother a look and stalked out of the kitchen.
Tara and Buffy were walking across the quad at the school.
"What do you mean, check him out?" Tara asked.
"I mean investigate him. Find out his secrets; hack into his life."
"Buffy, it just seems like you want him to be corrupt or something."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "The guy lost his shit over mini-golf."
"So he's a little uptight. Last I heard, that's not a slaying offense."
Buffy looked at her girlfriend and frowned.
"Don't gimme the look, I'm on your side. I'm just saying there are some things in life you have to accept."
Buffy and Tara sat on a bench.
Buffy looked at Tara. "And I'm saying Ted ain't one of 'em. Tara, I'm not wrong here. Ted has a problem with me. He acts like I'm in the way or something. And Mom's been totally different since he's around."
"Different like happy?"
"Like Stepford. Will you help me?"
Tara put a hand on top of Buffy's hand. "You know I will. What do you want me to look for?"
"Let's start small. Can you find out where he works?"
Tara nodded.
Buffy walked into the office space of Lorrin Software, spotted Ted at his desk, and moved into the snack area to observe him. Another man had the desk next to Ted's. They were both talking with customers over their headsets.
"Yeah, i-i-it's a terrific product. No PC should be without it."
"No, Mrs. Lawnsdale, it is not an inexpensive piece of software. As a matter of fact, it's a very expensive one. Which removes the risk of crashing your whole system. Of course, if you prefer something cheap, I can always recommend..." Ted paused. "Trust me, you won't be sorry. Thank you very much."
Ted took off his headset and put it down. Buffy saw him get up and quickly crouched down and hid under the snack table. Ted walked over to the sales board and made another hack mark by his name.
"Goin' to lunch!" Ted walked out the door.
Buffy stood back up and watched him leave. She glanced over at his desk and then back at the sales board again.
"You're new, aren't ya?" The man showed up next to her and grabbed the coffee pot.
Buffy looked at him. "Oh..."
"I'm Neal." He poured a cup.
"I'm B..." Buffy paused. "Linda." She thought of her favorite singer. "Belinda. I'm just temping for the day." She looked at the board. "Wow, that guy's a salesman. I guess he's the one to beat around here."
"Nobody beats 'The Machine'. The guy's a genius. Knows everything about computers, never loses a client..." Neal paused. "If I sound bitter, I am." He took a sip of his coffee.
"Well, nobody likes an overachiever."
Neal chuckled.
"Uh, he's probably got ex-wives and - and families to support."
"He's just got a girlfriend. I'm amazed he let her clutter his desk."
He looked at Ted's desk, and Buffy followed his gaze. There was a single picture frame on it beside the computer and nothing else.
"Thank God he's taking off for the wedding."
Buffy was surprised. "The wedding?"
"Yeah, he's got it set for two months from now. Believe me, I am counting the days." Neal spotted his boss. "Uh-oh, the ueber-boss. Back to the salt mines." He walked off.
Buffy casually made her way to Ted's desk, looking around to see if anyone noticed her. She looked at the picture, and it struck her as familiar. She took it, opened up the back, and pulled it out. She noticed it was folded; she unfolded it and saw it was the picture of her and her mother from their refrigerator at home - with her own face folded back.
That evening, Buffy, Joyce, and Ted were seated at the dining room table for dinner. Ted was saying grace. Joyce had her eyes closed. Buffy just sat awkwardly and waited for Ted to finish.
"We thank you for what we are about to receive, and we ask that you bless this house and help the people in it to be more productive, more considerate, and more honest. Amen."
Joyce opened her eyes. "Amen."
Ted and Joyce laid their napkins in their laps. Joyce took up her fork and started in.
Ted looked at Buffy. "We missed you at church yesterday, Buffy."
Buffy looked at him. "I'm not religious."
"So I gathered. Don't worry, we'll fix that."
Buffy gave him a death stare.
"Well, another great day at work! How was school today, Buffy? Did you learn anything?" Ted asked.
"Quite a bit."
"Good for you! Well, Joycie, what do you think?"
"I think every home should have one of you. I wish I'd brought you home last month, so you could cook us Thanksgiving dinner. It's fantastic!" Joyce smiled and looked at Buffy. "Don't you think?"
Ted smiled at Buffy.
Buffy shrugged. "Looks good."
"Well, you know, little lady, it's not just for looks; it's for building strong bodies."
Buffy just sat there, staring at Ted.
Joyce looked at Buffy. "Honey?"
Buffy looked at the two of them. "Are you two engaged?"
Ted raised his head.
"Goodness, no! Whatever gave you that idea?" Joyce asked.
"Now, Joycie, let me handle this." Ted looked at Buffy. "Buffy, your mother and I are taking it one step at a time. And if things go the way I hope, maybe someday soon, I just might ask her to tie the knot. How would you feel about that?"
Buffy kept her mouth shut, greatly upset.
"It's okay to have feelings, Buffy, and it's okay to express them."
Buffy stared at him, resisting the urge to vomit. "I'd feel like killing myself." She meant it.
"Buffy!" Joyce exclaimed in shock.
Ted looked at Joyce. "No, no, I-I told her to be honest." He looked at Buffy. "Sweetheart, you should try and get used to me, 'cause you know what? I'm not going anywhere."
"Yeah, well, I am. In thirteen months, I'm gone."
Ted was confused. "What happens in thirteen months?"
Joyce stared at Buffy. "She turns eighteen."
Buffy nodded. "On January 19, 1999, I'll be out of your hair, and you two can live happily ever after."
"Is that really how you want it?" Joyce asked her.
"Yeah."
Joyce shook her head, upset. "Well, good luck to you, then."
Buffy stared at her mother. "May I be excused?"
"You can go to your room, young lady; that's where you can go."
Buffy got up and left the table without another word.
After climbing out her window and jumping down to the ground from her roof, which she hadn't done since moving to Sunnydale nine months earlier, Buffy went to the park and sat on a swing, tapping a stake in her hand, hoping some vampires would show up.
"Vampires..." Buffy paused for a bit. "Here, vampires..."
She sighed, frustrated that she couldn't work out her anger, and decided to head home.
Buffy climbed up to her window and crawled inside her room. Inside, she found Ted waiting in a chair for her to come home.
"What are you doing in here?" Buffy asked him, both surprised and angry.
"Your mother told you to go to your room, Buffy. You and I both know she didn't mean climb out a window and go gallivanting about town."
"First of all, this is my room; if you want to enter, come and knock on my door and wait for my permission." Buffy saw her Slayer stuff lying on her desk and got pissed. "Second, you've been going through my things?"
"Yes, I have."
"That's my personal property! How dare you?!" Buffy yelled, enraged.
"I don't see how it's any different from you snooping around my office, do you?" Ted raised her diary, which was open. "The horrible things that you wrote about me! And the lengthy descriptions of sick, depraved sex! What would your mother think of this?"
"It's none of your fucking business!" Buffy told him.
"Beg to differ, little lady. Everything you do is nothing but my business from now on."
"I think you better get out of here. Now!" Buffy ordered.
"Or what?" Ted stood up and stepped toward her, trying his best to intimidate her with his stature. "You'll slay me? I'm real. I'm not some goblin you made up in your little diary. Psychiatrists have a word for something like this: delusional." Ted held up her diary. "So, from now on, you'll do what I say, when I say, or I show this to your mother, and you'll spend your best dating years behind the wall of a mental institution. Your mother and I are going to be happy. You're not going to stand in the way. Sleep tight!" He started to walk away and opened the door to go out.
Buffy followed him and grabbed hold of his hand that had her diary. "That's mine, and you are not leaving this room with it!"
"Take your hand off me."
"No."
Ted slapped her hard, almost punching her, and made her hit the wall.
"Oh!" Buffy straightened back up to face him and gave him an evil grin. "I was so hoping you'd do that."
Buffy punched him squarely in the jaw, and he staggered back into the open door. He pushed himself upright and backhanded her in the face, making her fall against the side of her bed and onto the floor. He picked her up by the shirt collar, but she kicked him in the shin.
Joyce came to the door to see what all of the noise was about. She stared at the scene in horror. "Buffy! Stop that!"
Unheeding, Buffy elbowed Ted in the face.
"Stop it!" Joyce screamed.
Unheeding, Buffy kicked Ted in the chest, making him stagger backward, out into the hall, where Joyce had to quickly move out of the way.
Buffy followed Ted into the hall and punched him in the face again. Ted tripped down to the end of the hall before regaining his balance.
Buffy ran over to Ted and kicked him again, spinning him around and knocking him over. Ted fell down the stairs, tumbling to the bottom. When he hit the floor, his neck broke with an audible crack.
Joyce ran down the stairs after him. "Ted..." She kneeled next to him and tried to shake him awake. "Ted! Ted!"
Buffy slowly descended the stairs, staring silently, stunned at how far that she'd taken it.
Joyce took Ted's arm to feel for a pulse. When she didn't find one, she dropped his arm and looked up at Buffy in horror. "You killed him!"
Buffy stared down at Ted's unmoving body, not believing what just happened. "What?!" she finally blurted out.
Joyce stared at her daughter in horror for a moment longer, and then she ran away to pick up the phone.
Buffy slowly walked down the stairs, her eyes fixated on Ted's body.
"I'm at 1630 Revello Drive! My boyfriend is dead!" her mother cried.
Buffy stared into Ted's eyes as she stepped over his body. She saw no life in them.
"Yes, I'm pretty sure! There's no pulse!"
Buffy stared. Nothing from Ted.
"Yes, the front door will be open! He's at the bottom of the staircase!"
Buffy stared. Nothing from Ted.
"Please hurry!"
Buffy stared. Nothing from Ted.
"Ted?" Buffy asked weakly. "Say something."
Ted said nothing.
"Ted, you..." Buffy paused, nearly paralyzed. "Ted, you..." She paused again. "Ted, wake up."
Nothing from Ted.
Joyce ran over and unlocked and opened the front door.
Buffy looked at her mother in fear. "Mom, I-"
"Shut your goddamn mouth!" Joyce told her, upset. "Get out of my sight. I don't want to look at you."
Buffy walked outside and sat down on the porch steps, by the pillar. She sat there, stunned, scared.
Alone.
The police and medical personnel arrived within a few minutes. The EMS people went into the house first, followed by a uniformed officer. Buffy sat listlessly through the entire thing.
"He's over here!" her mother called.
Buffy was vaguely aware of the flashing lights from the patrol car and the ambulance. She heard radio chatter between the officer in the house and his partner in the patrol car, the latter of which got on the police radio. She didn't understand all of what they were saying, but she was able to piece together that Ted's death had been confirmed, and the coroner's office was being notified.
Soon, a hearse arrived. The driver and his partner got out and opened the back. They took a gurney and a body bag out and went into the house. Joyce, the EMS personnel, and the uniformed officer came out of the house and walked down the steps. The EMS personnel got into the ambulance and left.
The coroners wheeled Ted's body, zipped up in the body bag, out of the house on the gurney. Joyce watched as the coroners wheeled Ted's body away.
A police detective approached Joyce. "Ma'am, I'm Detective Stein. I'm sorry, but I need to ask you a few questions. Your relationship with the deceased?"
"We were, uh, seeing each other."
"Can you tell me what happened?"
"He fell. Down the stairs, he fell."
Buffy looked at her in surprise and realized her mother was covering for her.
"I see. Uh, did he slip? Do you know what made him fall?" Detective Stein asked.
"I hit him."
Detective Stein turned to look at Buffy sitting on the steps.
"I hit him."
The guilt that Buffy was feeling was unbearable. She had felt compelled to speak up. Her mother looked at her in dismay.
Detective Stein looked at Joyce. "Is this your daughter?"
There was a slight pause that did not go unnoticed by Buffy.
"Yes. Buffy."
"We're going to have to question her down at the station."
"Couldn't you do it here?" Joyce asked him.
"No, ma'am."
Joyce sighed. "All right." She looked at her daughter. "Buffy, get in the Jeep."
"Ma'am, we have to transport her ourselves." Detective Stein nodded at the two uniformed officers.
The two officers approached Buffy.
One of the officers looked at her. "Ms. Summers, please stand up, put your hands behind your back, and face the pillar."
Joyce looked at Detective Stein. "Is that really necessary?"
"Afraid so, ma'am."
Buffy stood up and did as ordered. A pair of handcuffs were fastened around her wrists. One of the officers took Buffy over to the patrol car. His partner opened the back door, and Buffy got into the back seat. The door was closed.
Soon, they were on their way.
The back door of the patrol car was opened. Buffy got out with assistance. She and the officers walked into the police station, Detective Stein and Joyce following.
Stein picked up a pen and notepad from his desk. "Please sit by my desk and wait, Ms. Summers."
Buffy was about to sit down when her mother did instead. The officers took Buffy to the interrogation room, Detective Stein leading the way.
They entered the interrogation room. Stein nodded to one of the officers, who took the handcuffs off Buffy's wrists. Buffy sat in a chair at the table. The officers left the room and closed the door. Stein sat across from Buffy.
Stein turned on a tape recorder, inserted a blank tape, cued it, and pressed Record. "Monday, December 8, 1997, 9:32 PM. Detective Paul Stein, homicide." He looked at Buffy. "Please state your full name for the record."
"Buffy Anne Summers."
"And your date of birth?"
"January 19, 1981."
"Oh, your birthday's coming up."
Buffy didn't say anything.
"Buffy. Is that your legal name?"
"What?" Buffy asked.
"Well, is it short for Elizabeth?"
Buffy stared at him in confusion. "No. It's just Buffy." She paused. "Buffy is short for Elizabeth?"
"Well, it's a pet form. It means 'God is my oath.'"
Buffy didn't say anything.
"Okay, start at the beginning. When did you meet Mr. Buchanan?"
"Am I under arrest?" Buffy asked him.
"No."
"Then why'd you bring me here in handcuffs?" Buffy asked him. "Why couldn't my mom drive me?"
"There are reasons for why we do things a certain way. That's not important. Now, when did you meet Mr. Buchanan?"
"Last Thursday evening. I'd just returned from the movies with my friends, and I came upon my mom and Ted in the kitchen."
"So you've known...you knew him for four days."
Buffy looked down to avoid eye contact with him. "Yes."
"What was your relationship like?"
"I...didn't want to have one with him."
"Why's that?"
"Because he's not my dad."
"It must be weird, huh? Seeing your mother date someone new?"
"Uh-huh."
"Is your mother widowed or divorced?"
"Divorced."
"When did that happen?"
"Last year."
"How did you handle that?"
Buffy froze in terror.
Stein moved on. "Was Mr. Buchanan attempting to have a relationship with you?"
"At first."
"What do you mean?"
Buffy was about to bring up the folded-up picture but then realized that would raise a lot more questions. "He...seemed nice, outgoing. He seemed like he wanted to be my friend. But he wasn't my dad, and I did the bare minimum during his attempts to bond with me. And I got the feeling that there was something off about him."
"Off? In what way?"
"We had gone to play mini-golf on Saturday. He caught me cheating and confronted me about it. He was really strict about following the rules. But this was just mini-golf, and he went insane."
"Did anyone else witness this?"
"No. My mom was there, but she didn't see or hear it. He was a total Two-Face."
"Did you tell your mom about it?"
"Yeah, this morning. She didn't believe me."
"What happened earlier this evening?"
"My mom wanted me home at six. Ted was cooking us dinner."
"How did that go?"
"Bad. We got into an argument."
"About what?"
"Ted being in our lives. He wanted to marry my mom in...someday. I said I was moving out when I turned eighteen. My mom sent me up to my room. I sneaked out through my bedroom window."
"Where'd you go?"
"To the park."
"To do what?"
Buffy hesitated. "To get away for a while and clear my head. I eventually came home and climbed back in through the window. He was in my room. And we got into an argument."
"About what?"
"He, um..." Buffy hesitated.
"Was this the first time that you two had had an argument?"
Buffy looked up. "No. He threatened me. He - He said that he would slap me."
"That was tonight."
"No. But he had my diary, and I-I tried to take it back, a-and that's when he hit me."
"Where?"
Buffy raised her hand to indicate her right cheek.
Detective Stein leaned over to have a look. "Well, it doesn't look like he hit you very hard."
Buffy was offended at the comment but restrained herself. "I don't bruise easily."
"So you've been hit before?"
"Yes."
"But Ted never hit you."
"I told you-"
"Before tonight. Ted never hit you before tonight?"
"Right."
"What happened next?"
"I hit him. He hit me again. I fell down. He picked me up. I kicked him and elbowed him. I kicked him again. We were out in the hall now. I punched and kicked him again. He fell down the stairs.
"Sounds like you did most of the hitting."
"What do you want? I-I told you what happened; I didn't mean to!" Buffy cried, desperately trying to convince herself more so than him.
"I believe you. Things get outta hand. He's a big guy." Stein wrote some notes on his pad.
Buffy could only watch.
Stein pressed Stop on the tape recorder and turned it off. He picked up his pad and stood up. "Wait here. I'm going to speak with your mother. Do you need anything? Water? Restroom?"
"No. Thank you."
"Okay, sit tight."
Stein left the room, leaving Buffy alone with her thoughts. She wondered what Stein was asking her mother and what she was telling him.
Eventually, the door opened. Stein was standing there. "You're free to go, Ms. Summers."
Buffy stood up and followed him. Her mother was still sitting by Detective Stein's desk. Buffy looked away from her in shame.
"If we have anymore questions, we'll be in touch."
"Thank you." Joyce stood up. "Let's go."
Buffy followed her mother out of the police station, her head hung low.
"What's going to happen?" Buffy asked her.
"Nothing...for now. They have to examine it further. I might have to get you a lawyer."
"I'm sorry."
"Save it." Joyce unlocked and opened the driver-side door of the Jeep and got in. She unlocked the passenger-side door for Buffy.
Buffy opened the door and got into the Jeep. She closed the door and locked it. She fastened her seatbelt. Joyce slammed her door shut, put the key in the ignition, started the Jeep, backed out of the parking space, and started driving toward home.
Buffy looked down sadly. She glanced over at her mother briefly, then out the side window.
When they got home, they went into the house. Joyce had left the lights on. Buffy stood in place, unsure what to do. She stared at the floor at the bottom of the stairs.
"Shower, then straight to bed."
Buffy silently walked upstairs. She went into the bathroom, turned the light on, closed the door, and stripped naked.
She got into the bathtub and took a shower, which lasted longer than necessary. She was in a daze and mostly just stood there, letting the warm water beat against her body.
She got out and toweled herself dry. She brushed her teeth. She realized she'd forgotten to get her pajamas, so she turned off the light, opened the door, and made a quick dash across the hall to her bedroom.
She closed the door and got into bed. She pulled the sheet and cover on top of her naked body and lay there, staring at the ceiling. She closed her eyes, wishing she could go to sleep, but her body was still full of adrenaline, and it was three hours before she finally fell asleep.
Buffy woke up the next morning, got out of bed, and got dressed. She didn't feel like dressing up, opting instead for a plain black T-shirt and blue jean overalls. She tied her hair back with a scrunchie. She didn't bother with makeup. She looked at herself in her full-length mirror. She stared long and hard at herself; she seemed child-like, but she knew she was anything but.
She opened the door, walked downstairs, and walked through the dining room and into the kitchen.
The kitchen was empty.
"Mom?" Buffy timidly called. "Where are you?"
There was no answer. Buffy searched the kitchen for a note but didn't find one. She guessed her mother had left for work very early. She hadn't even made breakfast.
They were out of breakfast cereal. Buffy opened the refrigerator and searched it. She found a package of pork cotto salami with peppers and ate all of the remaining slices. She threw the package in the trash, washed her hands, and peeked outside. The Jeep was still parked on the street. Buffy realized her mother hadn't left for work after all; she was just avoiding her.
Buffy decided to go to school. She went upstairs and back into her bedroom. She grabbed her keys off her dresser. She went through her usual weekday morning routine of checking to make sure the correct items were in her bookbag, and then she lugged it downstairs and walked through the dining room and into the kitchen. She left her mom a quick note, "Went to school", on the island.
She opened the door, went outside, closed the door, and locked it.
She walked over to her van, which was parked in the driveway. She unlocked and opened the driver-side door, got in, threw her bookbag on the passenger seat, closed and locked the door, fastened her seatbelt, put the key in the ignition, started the engine, put the van in Reverse, and back out onto the street. She put the van in Drive and started driving to school.
Buffy found it very weird to be doing all of these mundane things now. She had recently committed a horrific act of violence, and now those same hands and feet that had ended a man's life were operating her van to drive her to school like usual.
Buffy stared straight ahead. "Just another day, I guess."
Buffy parked her van in the student parking lot, got out, and made her way to the front entrance. She walked inside, and she noticed everyone seemed to be looking at her as she slowly made her way to the lounge. She realized word had gotten out and mentally chastised herself for not anticipating it.
She walked into the lounge. Tara and Amy were sitting on one couch, and Katrina and Cordelia were sitting on the other couch. Buffy climbed the steps up to the couches.
Tara stood up and immediately hugged Buffy tightly. "Are you okay, sweetie?"
Buffy hugged Tara tightly. "Physically. Mentally, I'm a fucking mess."
Tara gently kissed Buffy on the lips.
"So you heard what happened?" Buffy guessed.
Tara nodded. "Yeah."
Amy nodded. "Everyone has."
Buffy sighed. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."
"How come you're here?" Katrina asked her.
"I couldn't stay at home. Mom won't even look at me."
Tara and Buffy released each other and sat next to Amy, Buffy being in the middle.
"What happened?" Tara asked Buffy. "Unless you don't want to talk about it."
"We had a fight, and I lost my temper. I really let him have it."
Cordelia was confused. "The paper said he fell."
Buffy gave her a dark look. "He fell. Hard."
"What was he?" Amy asked her.
"What?" Buffy asked, confused.
"What was he? A-A demon? Some kind of dark god?" Amy asked.
Buffy looked at her a moment and then lowered her eyes in shame.
Amy realized in sudden horror what that meant. "Oh, shit."
Cordelia sighed. "Goddamn."
Tara tried to be optimistic. "But I'm sure it wasn't your fault. He started it."
Buffy looked at her sadly. "Yeah. That defense only works in six-year-old court, babe."
"Court? Wa-Wait. Are they charging you with something?" Katrina asked her.
Buffy shook her head. "I-I don't know. Not yet."
Tara looked at her sympathetically.
Buffy lowered her eyes again. "He was a person, and I killed him."
"Don't say that!" Cordelia yelled.
Buffy looked up at her. "Why not? Everyone else is. And it's the truth."
Tara put her left hand on top of Buffy's right hand. "It was an accident."
Buffy looked at her. "I'm the Slayer. I had no right to hit him like that."
Tara was on the verge of tears. "Look, Buffy, I don't know what happened, exactly. But I do know you. And I know you would never hurt anyone intentionally. Well, you know, unless-"
"Unless they were dating my mother?" Buffy guessed.
Tara had no response to that.
"I gotta go."
Tara kissed Buffy on the lips again. "Take care, hon."
Buffy got up and left at a quick pace. Her friends watched her go and looked at each other for what to do. They felt helpless to help her.
Buffy strode around a corner and into another hall. Ahead of her, Giles came out of a classroom and nodded to a man standing outside the door, then saw her coming.
"Buffy?" Giles asked.
Buffy stopped in her tracks but stayed to face him.
"Are you all right?" Giles asked her.
Buffy just looked at him in silence. She didn't want to be there.
"Oh, uh, stupid question, I'm sorry. Look, i-i-if there's anything you need, of course, just - just ask."
Buffy noticed the man guarding the door. "What's going on?" She walked toward the classroom.
"Oh, you needn't worry about that. They're just asking a few questions, your - your - your behavior and...um...uh..."
Buffy looked into the room through the door window and saw Detective Stein talking with two of her teachers, one of which was Ms. Calendar.
"Of course, I told them you, uh...I..."
Buffy quickly walked off.
Buffy realized the police had searched through her locker, because her items weren't as she had left them. She noticed people glancing at her in all of her classes, and none of her teachers called on her to answer any questions.
She was relieved when lunch came. She went to the cafeteria, waited in line, and grabbed a tray. She got her lunch and paid. As she walked to find a table, she realized everyone was looking at her. She went to the girls' restroom, went into a stall, locked the door, sat on the toilet, and ate her lunch alone.
She heard the restroom door open, followed by footsteps. She saw two pairs of legs stop in front of the sinks.
"Buffy? What about her?"
"Well, the chatter in the caf is that she totally murdered her mom's boyfriend."
"Neg!"
"Pos! She beat the shit out of him and kicked him down a flight of stairs!"
"Neg-ly!"
"Well, I heard from Blue, and she said that-"
"Buffy Summers, please report to the main office."
"Ooh, busted!" the girls exclaimed simultaneously.
Buffy stood up, unlocked and opened the door, and walked out of the stall. She saw Aphrodisia and Aura, two of Cordelia's friends. She dumped her trash in the trash can, set the tray on top of it, and left the restroom without a word.
Buffy walked into the main office.
A young woman with long brown hair looked at her. "Buffy Summers?"
"Yeah."
The woman offered Buffy her right hand. "Lilah Morgan, Wolfram & Hart. I'm your attorney."
Buffy thought the name of the law firm sounded familiar, but she couldn't place it and didn't particularly care at the moment. "Oh?"
"Yes, your mother contacted me last night. I drove up here overnight. I went to your house, but your mom told me that you'd gone to school."
Buffy didn't say anything.
"Let's go in here." Lilah opened the door of an unused office.
Buffy walked into the office. Lilah followed her and closed the door behind her. She went and sat behind the desk. Buffy sat in the chair in front of the desk.
Lilah set her briefcase on the desk and opened it. She took out a stapled group of papers and set them in front of Buffy. "The police faxed over the transcript of their interrogation. Please read it and verify its accuracy."
Buffy took a few minutes to read through the transcript. "Looks accurate."
Lilah took the papers and put them back into her briefcase. "I spoke with Detective Stein on his way out of the school. I informed him that any further questioning would not occur outside my presence."
Buffy kept her head lowered. "Am I going to jail?"
Lilah closed her briefcase. "Not if I can help it. I'm gonna work my ass off for you."
"How can my mom afford you?"
"We came to an arrangement. Don't concern yourself with it. Okay, so there's good news and bad news. The good news is you didn't confess to murder."
"I-I didn't-"
"Let me finish. The bad news is you described the fight in detail, which certainly makes it seem like you gave much more than you took. More good news: you're young, pretty, and white, which slightly lowers the odds of prosecution. More bad news: you have a history of violence. More good news: you're a local hero. More bad news: our great state's for-profit prison system is always in need of fresh meat. More good news: the local officials would probably rather classify this as an unintentional homicide to avoid bad press."
Buffy didn't say anything.
"If they end up charging you, would you be willing to accept a plea deal?"
"I-I dunno, I-I guess. Depends what it is."
"Okay."
"What happens next?" Buffy asked her.
"Well, I won't keep you now, but we need to schedule a time for us to sit down and go through the fight step by step, moment by moment, and examine your thought process in detail."
"My thought process?" Buffy asked. "My thought process was 'Got hit. Hit back. Got hit again. Hit back again.'"
"And again and again and again..." Lilah stared into Buffy's eyes. "Did you ever think to stop hitting him?"
Buffy hesitated.
"Whatever you tell me, I will keep in confidence, but I need to know."
"No. I didn't."
Lilah opened her briefcase and checked the transcript. "You said 'We were out in the hall now.' Elaborate on that."
"He staggered backward, out into the hall, after I kicked him in the chest. I followed him into the hall and punched him in the face. He tripped down to the end of the hall and regained his balance. I ran over to him and kicked him again, spinning him around and knocking him down the stairs."
Lilah stared at Buffy for a long moment in disbelief. "We're damn lucky that you were vague about that with the police. Don't you ever repeat this to anyone. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Is there anything else that I need to know?"
"No. That's it."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah. You can ask my mom. She'll confirm it."
"Your mom?" Lilah asked, shocked. "Your mother was there?!"
"Yeah. She came into my room. She saw most of the fight. She had yelled at me to stop. Twice." Buffy shook her head in shame. "I didn't listen."
"Your mother had told the police that she only saw him fall down the stairs."
"She was covering for me." Buffy swallowed. "I don't know why, but she did."
"A mother's first instinct is often to protect her child, no matter what they've done." Lilah paused in reflection. "Why did you decide to speak up?"
"The guilt. It was unbearable. I thought, if I accepted responsibility-"
"Some responsibility."
Buffy stared at her for a moment. "-it might make things easier."
"Has it?"
Buffy was on the verge of tears. "Fuck no."
Lilah checked the transcript. "You mentioned Mr. Buchanan had been reading your diary. The police will probably want to see it. Do not hand it over to them. I've already told your mother the same. We'll treat it as a Fifth Amendment issue."
"What does that mean?" Buffy asked her, confused.
"You have a constitutional right against self-incrimination."
"Oh."
"I would like to see the diary myself, if you don't mind."
Buffy hesitated.
"Is it bad?" Lilah guessed.
Buffy stared at her. "Very. I wrote such horrible things about him. I...I wished he was dead."
Lilah stared at her for a moment and then nodded.
Buffy sighed and then nodded. "Come by tomorrow."
"What time?" Lilah asked.
"Any."
"Don't you have school?"
Buffy shook her head. "It's been a shitty day. I don't think I can go through it again."
"It might be worth trying. Probably better than just languishing at home."
Buffy considered it. "Okay. Come by first thing tomorrow morning."
"Okay." Lilah put the transcript back into her briefcase and closed it. "I'm gonna be working on this. Your mother has my card. I'll be in touch. Call me if you need anything."
"Okay."
They stood up.
"Don't discuss what happened with anyone."
Buffy was suddenly scared.
Lilah sighed. "You told your friends, didn't you?"
"Yeah."
"Well, no more talking about it, got it?" Lilah asked her.
"Got it."
"We don't want your friends being questioned and your words being used against you." Lilah opened the door.
"Okay." Buffy walked out.
Lilah walked out and closed the door behind her. "It was nice to meet you, Buffy."
"Yeah. Same."
Lilah's cell phone rang. Lilah took it out and answered the call. Buffy headed for the door.
"Hello? Holland. Yeah, I just met with her."
Buffy left the office and didn't hear the rest of the conversation.
Buffy couldn't wait for the end of the school day to come. She thought back to Lilah calling her a local hero and guessed no one was willing to say anything to her, but that didn't stop them from staring at her. Also, Principal Snyder followed her between classes, keeping a close eye on her.
When she stopped by her locker after her last class, she found a note inside: "Hey, killer, how much do you charge? I need someone to off my girlfriend."
"Well, well, leaving for the day, are you, Ms. Summers?"
Buffy turned and looked at Snyder.
"Why don't you take the rest of the week off?"
"Why don't you stop following me around and instead try to find out who wrote this?" Buffy offered him the note.
Snyder took it and read it silently. "You can count on it."
Buffy slammed her locker shut and walked away.
As she passed by the A/V Club room, she saw Tara inside, sitting on the couch. Buffy opened the door and walked into the room.
Tara looked at her. "Hey, sweetie. How are you doing?"
Buffy shrugged. "Mom got me a lawyer. I met with her during lunch." She sat to Tara's left on the couch. "Also, some sick fuck left a note in my locker, wanting me to kill his girlfriend. I gave it to Snyder."
Tara was disgusted. "These fucking people. They're absolutely horrible when they have anonymity."
Buffy looked at the TV. A music video for the school's wrestling team was playing. It showcased various members (with their names appearing on the screen), in turn, in matches. It also showed the two wrestling coaches at the end, sitting on chairs and "observing". The song used for the video was "Head Like a Hole" by Nine Inch Nails.
Tara looked at the TV and then back at Buffy. "Oh, I'm making copies of some videos for the wrestling team to be sent out."
After that video was done, Tara changed tapes and started making copies of another music video. This one, using "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor, featured one member of the wrestling team running in a hoodie through downtown Sunnydale. He did various goofy things such as running right up to the camera and staring into it "threateningly" and showing off his "prowess" by shaking a vending machine. The video climaxed with him running up the steps to the local courthouse and jumping in triumph with his arms raised. Buffy silently wondered if she'd be seeing the inside of the courthouse before long. This was followed by a very long, very slow crawling text (to pad out the video until the song finished) informing viewers of the date, time, and location of the next match ("in the Razorbacks' lair"). Buffy recognized the wrestler as the guy that had stolen a single french fry off her tray earlier in the school year. She'd wanted to beat him up for it.
Buffy sighed. "I gotta get out of here."
Tara kissed Buffy on the lips. "Take care. I love you."
"I love you, too." Buffy stood up, walked over to the door, opened it, and walked out.
Tara watched her go, feeling helpless.
Later, Tara went to the library, sat at the table, and surfed the Internet for information about Ted Buchanan on her laptop in an attempt to help Buffy. Cordelia, Amy, and Katrina joined her at the table, curious to see if she could find anything. Giles was behind them in the cage, getting together some weapons.
"Do you really think finding dirt on Ted will help Buffy?" Amy asked Tara.
Tara shrugged. "It can't hurt."
Giles came out of the cage with his bag in one hand and the crossbow in the other.
Katrina looked at Tara. "But even if you find something, Buffy didn't know about it before she killed him. It can't be used to excuse her actions."
Tara nodded. "True, but it might dissuade the police from charging her or the D.A. from prosecuting her."
Giles set the bag on the table and put the crossbow in.
"What are you looking for?" Cordelia asked Tara.
Tara shrugged. "Anything. Uh, history of domestic violence, a criminal record..."
Giles went back into the cage for more weapons.
Cordelia was confused. "I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer. Shouldn't she have-"
"What, a license to kill?" Tara asked her.
"Well, not for fun. But she's like this supergirl. Shouldn't there be different rules for her?" Cordelia asked.
Tara shrugged. "Sure, in a fascist society."
"Right! Why can't we have one of those?" Cordelia asked.
Tara shook her head in distress. "Buffy's not going to jail. It's not fair."
Giles came back out of the cage. "Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself." He added an ax and other stuff to the bag. "She's taken a human life. The guilt, it-it's - it's pretty hard to bear, and it won't go away soon."
Cordelia looked at him. "I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time?"
"Yes. Do let's bring that up as often as possible." Giles headed back to the cage.
Amy looked at Giles. "So, Giles, you takin' over tonight?"
"Um, well, Buffy's not in any shape to patrol." Giles came back to the table. "The least I can do is pick up the slack. Someone has to." He added several crosses to the bag.
Tara looked at him. "Mr. Giles, you shouldn't go out there without the Slayer."
"Until Buffy regains her equilibrium, there is no Slayer."
Cordelia looked at him. "If you need help-"
"No, uh, Buffy needs your help more than I. You carry on investigating, see if you can find out as much about this Buchanan chap as possible." Giles took up the bag to go.
Tara looked at him. "Be careful."
"I-I will." Giles left the library.
Katrina looked at the other girls. "I don't care what he says. The Slayerettes are gonna step up and help out."
"Not to mention the extended line-up!" Harmony exclaimed, striding into the library.
Tara, Amy, Katrina, and Cordelia looked. Behind Harmony came Amber Grove, Lishanne Davis, Rhonda Kelley, Heidi Barrie, Emily Djiemanowicz, Laura Egler, Sheila Martini, and Callie Megan Anderson.
Amber stepped forward. "Buffy saved my life."
Lishanne nodded. "And she helped me get my voice back."
Rhonda stepped forward. "Whatever Buffy did...or didn't do, whatever she was thinking, I did worse."
Heidi stepped forward. "Me, too. It doesn't matter if we were possessed. We still remember committing that unspeakable act. So we know what Buffy's going through."
Emily stepped forward. "Everyone in this school is indebted to Buffy Summers."
Laura stepped forward. "Especially me. She was so kind to me when I was attacked. I don't care what anyone says. She has a pure soul."
Sheila shrugged. "Plus, y'know, I'm kinda looking to kick some ass."
Callie stepped forward. "We will put all of the skills that Buffy has taught us to good use in the days, weeks, or even months ahead. However long it takes."
Harmony smiled. "Slayer School's got this."
Tara, Amy, Katrina, and Cordelia grinned.
After driving aimlessly for a while to avoid it for as long as possible, Buffy finally decided to go home.
After parking her van, Buffy went into the backyard and opened the back door that led into the kitchen. Joyce was packing away a bunch of baking pans and bowls.
Buffy came in and stood at the door, fidgeting with her hands. "Can I help?"
"It's done. I've been meaning to clean out this junk for months."
Buffy stood in awkward silence for a moment as her mother continued to avoid eye contact with her.
"Do you, uh, have homework?" Joyce finally asked.
"I didn't mean to kill him." Buffy wasn't entirely sure about that, but she felt the need to say it.
"I don't wanna talk about this."
"Mom, please, you have to know-"
"I can't, not yet. Please, Buffy, just go to your room."
Buffy was about to burst into tears as she turned to go to her room.
"Fuck!" Tara pounded the table with her fist in frustration. "Ted's got no criminal record! Shit! This guy's like citizen of the year!"
Cordelia was sitting at the PC, doing her own research. She stood up, grabbed some printouts, and walked over to the other girls. "I hit pay dirt! I got some personal records, marriage certificates, and an address." She put the printouts on the table.
"How does that help us?" Amy asked her.
Cordelia grinned. "I haven't mentioned the best part." She tapped the top printout. "Ted had been married four times. Each time, his wife disappeared without a trace, but there was never any evidence of foul play."
Katrina grinned. "Well, let's check out his place and get our Slayer back on her feet before somebody else gets hurt."
Tara, Amy, and Katrina stood up. Tara impulsively hugged Cordelia tightly. They all headed out of the library, Cordelia grabbing the printouts on the way.
In the park, Giles was walking slowly past some bushes, weapons bag in hand, when he was startled and spun around, holding up a cross.
"Ah!" Giles exclaimed.
Jenny smiled. "Yeah, I get that reaction from men all the time."
"Jenny! What are you doing here?" Giles asked her.
"I saw your car back there. I wanted to apologize."
"Well, now is...not the best time to go ta-"
"No, no, please, please, lemme just - lemme get this out." Jenny sighed. "I was sooo...harsh the other day. I am so sorry. I mean...I know how badly you must feel about putting me in danger before, and-"
Giles looked past her. "Right in harm's view now."
A vampire came out of the bushes behind Jenny and growled at them. The vampire roared and attacked. Jenny screamed in fright and jumped aside, so the vampire crashed into Giles, grabbing him and pulling him to the ground with him.
Giles held his cross in the vampire's face and looked at Jenny. "My bag!"
She spotted it on the grass, several feet away. She ran to it, dug in it, and came up with a crossbow. Giles punched the vampire, jarring him enough to roll free. He pulled a stake from his coat, but the vampire knocked it away. Jenny stood, trying to take aim. Giles and the vampire continued to wrestle, constantly turning, so Jenny still didn't have a clear shot. At one point, the turning stopped, and Jenny decided it was time for her to shoot.
"Say good night, asshole!" Jenny exclaimed.
The vampire turned Giles around just as Jenny let the bolt fly, and it hit Giles in the lower left of his back.
"Ahhh!" Giles screamed in pain.
Jenny lowered the crossbow and looked at them, shocked by what happened. "Oh, shit!"
The vampire let go of Giles and stepped back. Giles grabbed the shaft of the bolt and bent over in pain.
"Oh, no!" Jenny bent down to the bag and searched frantically for another bolt.
The vampire laughed. "Nice shot, lady!"
Giles rent the bolt from his back and jammed it into the vampire's chest. Jenny found another bolt and stood back up to see Giles let go of the bolt. The vampire fell to the ground, dead.
Jenny stared in shock and relief at what she'd just seen, and then she kneeled next to Giles and helped him sit up straight on the ground. He took out a handkerchief and pressed it to his wound.
"Oh, God, I am so sorry!" Jenny apologized.
"I think I'm all right."
"No, you're just in shock."
"No, no, really, I, uh, I don't think it went in too deep. The...advantages of layers of tweed. Better than Kevlar." Giles lifted the handkerchief off his wound.
Jenny saw the blood and was squeamish. "Oh, okay, all right, we have to get you to the hospital."
"Yes, yes."
"C'mon." Jenny took his arm and pulled him up.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh!" Giles cried out in pain.
"Sorry! Sorry!" Jenny apologized.
"Let's move slowly, shall we?"
"Sorry! Okay..." Jenny went around to his other side and took his arm to help support him. "Okay..."
They started to limp away, and Jenny began to laugh.
"What? Wha-What is it?" Giles asked, confused.
"Some night, huh?" Jenny asked.
Giles smirked.
"Yeah, you really know how to woo a girl back, don't cha?" Jenny asked.
Giles laughed. "Ow! Ow!"
"Hospital."
"Yes."
Jenny looked at Giles, embraced him, and kissed him on the lips as they walked to her car.
Buffy was sitting at her desk in her room, trying to do her homework. She heard a noise.
"Mom?" Buffy called.
There was nothing but silence.
Buffy sighed. "The hell with this."
She got up and strode over to her window. She tried to lift the sash, but it was stuck in place.
Buffy looked at it and saw the problem. "She nailed it shut. Well, it's official, this day can't get any worse."
"Beg to differ."
Buffy spun around to see Ted standing there. "You died."
"That's right, little lady, you killed me. Do we have something to say about that? Are we sorry?"
"What are you?"
"I'm a salesman! That's what you should've remembered. No matter how you put him down..."
He grabbed her by the strap of her overalls and yanked her across the room. She fell into her desk chair-
-and woke up with a start. Buffy was sitting at her desk. She had fallen asleep while doing homework.
Buffy started crying. "Fuck..."
Buffy's phone rang. She stood up, walked over, picked up the handset, and answered the call.
"Hello?" Buffy asked.
"Hey, Buffy, it's me."
"Dad?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah. Your mother called me last night and told me what happened."
Buffy didn't say anything.
"Well, anyway, I just wanted to let you know I still love you, and I'm here to listen, if you wanna talk."
"Thank you."
"Dad, I wanna talk to her."
"Dawn, I'm not sure it's appropriate. We're having an adult discussion."
"I know what happened. I was listening in on you last night."
Hank sighed. "Dawn wants to talk to you. Just...be careful what you tell her."
"I will."
"I love you, Buffy."
"I love you, too, Dad."
"Hey, Buff."
"Hey, Dawnie."
"So...is it true? Did you really kill a guy?"
"Yeah. I really did. I wish it wasn't true, but it is."
"How did it happen?" Dawn asked.
"I...think you don't need to hear the graphic details. But, uh, I hit him. A lot. And, uh, he, uh, he f-fell to his death." Buffy put her fingers to her face and wiped away her tears, but they kept coming.
"Are you okay?" Dawn asked her.
"No. Not at all."
"Was it your fault?" Dawn asked her.
"I..." Buffy paused. "Let's not go there."
"Are you gonna go to jail?" Dawn asked.
"I don't know. Nothing's happened yet, but Mom got me a lawyer."
"I know. Dad recommended the law firm to her."
Buffy suddenly remembered where she'd heard the name Wolfram & Hart.
"Anyway, I just wanted to how you were doing."
"Thanks, Dawn, that means a lot."
"Well, um, I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Good night."
"Good night."
Dawn hung up. Buffy hung up as well and then returned to her desk, sat down, picked up her pencil, and tried to resume doing her homework.
Tara, Amy, Katrina, and Cordelia arrived at Ted's small workshop. Katrina looked in through the multi-paned window and saw the place was dark and empty. She broke one of the panes with a crowbar and used it to knock out the broken glass.
"Careful!" Tara cautioned.
Katrina reached in through the window and opened the door from inside. She looked in as Tara walked to stand in the doorway also, and they scanned around the place with their flashlights.
Slowly, they walked in with Amy and Cordelia right behind them.
Katrina shined her flashlight around. "Let's look around."
Tara looked over the paperwork that they had on Ted.
"I'll take the back." Cordelia walked away.
"I'll help you look." Amy went after her.
Katrina looked after them. "Check for evidence."
Tara and Katrina looked around in the front area. Eventually, Cordelia and Amy returned.
Amy shook her head. "Nothing interesting back here."
Cordelia looked down. "Ugh! This rug? It doesn't go with the rest of the decor."
Katrina looked down at the Oriental rug. She and Tara exchanged a look. Katrina stepped back off the rug and lifted it back. Underneath was a trap door.
"What do you think's under there?" Tara asked.
"Only one way to find out." Katrina opened the trap door.
There was a visible ladder and, beyond that, darkness.
Katrina pushed down the ladder, and it unfolded into the basement below. She climbed down the steps and reached up her hand to steady Cordelia as she followed. Tara climbed down behind them, and finally Amy climbed down.
Katrina found a switch on the wall and flipped it. The lights came on. They all looked around. The place was furnished as an apartment.
Cordelia shrugged. "Feels like home. If you're a psycho."
They continued looking around. Cordelia checked out some magazines on the coffee table. Tara found a window and pulled aside the curtains. There was just a wall on the other side of the glass.
Katrina found a closet door. "Whatcha got in the closet, Ted?" She opened the door and looked inside with her flashlight and couldn't believe her eyes. She quickly slammed the door shut, turned to the side, and vomited on the floor. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Let's go."
"But we need evidence!" Cordelia insisted.
"We got it."
Amy looked at Katrina. "What's in there, babe?"
"His first four wives."
Tara, Amy, and Cordelia started back up the stairs. Katrina turned off the light switch and followed them up.
Tara rang the doorbell at the Summers' house. Eventually, the door opened. Joyce was standing there.
"Tara."
"May I see Buffy?" Tara asked her.
Joyce stepped aside. "Yeah, sure. Come in."
"Thank you." Tara walked into the house.
Joyce closed and locked the door. "I'll get her."
"Wait."
Joyce looked at her.
"We did some checking. It turned out that Ted had previously been married four times. It turned out that he was holding them prisoner in a secret apartment beneath his workshop. When he got dissatisfied with one, he'd kill her and find another."
Joyce started.
"We led the police there, including Detective Stein. They're combing through the place right now." Tara paused and then sighed. "I realize this doesn't excuse Buffy's actions, but...I thought you'd like to know she probably saved your life."
Joyce stared at her in stunned silence for a while. "Thank you, Tara." She started to go.
"One more thing."
Joyce looked at her.
"Don't be too hard on her. Please. She's been hard enough on herself already, and she's pretty much ostracized at school."
"Good."
Tara was dismayed. "Please, Mrs. Summers, I beg you. Discipline her if you must, but don't hate her."
"I don't...I don't hate her. I still love my child." Joyce turned and walked upstairs.
Tara stood and waited. Soon, she heard pounding.
"Tara's here!"
Then she heard a door slam. Tara guessed Joyce had done the bare minimum of banging on Buffy's door, informing her of her visitor, and then retreating into her own bedroom before Buffy could open her own door, still unwilling to look at her.
Buffy walked down the stairs. "Hey."
"Hey. How are things?" Tara asked her.
Buffy shrugged. "My life is shit. My mom won't look at me. She doesn't even wanna talk about what happened. I guess I can't blame her. I can't imagine what she's thinking. It must be difficult having such a colossal fuck-up for a daughter." She paused. "On top of that, I recently woke up from a nightmare - a nightmare that I wish had been real."
"Let's sit and talk."
Buffy sat on the coffee table, facing Tara, who sat on the sofa.
"First, I want you to know the Slayerettes and all of Slayer School are gonna help Mr. Giles patrol for as long as you need to take time off."
"Thank you."
"Also, we did some checking. It turned out that Ted had previously been married four times. It turned out that he was holding them prisoner in a secret apartment beneath his workshop. When he got dissatisfied with one, he'd kill her and find another. Trina found their bodies in a closet."
Buffy was both surprised and not surprised at the same time.
"We led the police there, including Detective Stein. They're combing through the place right now." Tara paused and then smiled. "You were right about him. You probably saved your mom's life."
"Yeah, but I didn't know any of this when I..." Buffy fell silent.
Tara put a hand on Buffy's shoulder. "I know. But maybe...this new evidence will make them go easy on you."
"Do I deserve it?" Buffy asked her.
Tara stared at her love sadly.
"What the fuck is wrong with me?!" Buffy cried.
Tara smiled. "There's nothing wrong with you, sweetie."
"Then why am I in this situation?" Buffy asked her. "Most people go their entire lives without killing anyone."
"Well, I said that there was nothing wrong with you, but...you are different. You've always struck me as someone whose anger is very close to the surface. So that requires extra discipline. Extra care to not go over the edge."
"But I fell right over that edge. No, I gladly jumped over."
"Buffy-"
"Tara, I was angry. I was enraged. I didn't give a fuck. I wanted-"
"Shut up."
Buffy looked at Tara, stunned.
Tara felt ashamed for coming on too strong. "Sorry. I just don't want you confessing anything to me."
Buffy nodded in understanding. "Because you don't want to be put in a position to testify against me."
Tara nodded. "Whatever you believe, whatever your personal truth is, keep it to yourself. Process it. Accept it as part of who you are. But above all, learn to live with it."
Buffy gave her a dark look. "What if I can't?"
Tara was frightened. "Buffy, are you-"
"No. I haven't reached that point yet."
"If you feel yourself contemplating suicide, get help. I don't care from who. Just get help. Because your life is worth living, Buffy."
"Is it?"
"Yes! Goddess, yes!" Tara cried. "You are a light in this world, Buffy Summers! A light that may have dimmed somewhat, but I have no doubt that it'll shine brighter than ever! You inspire those around you! If you weren't loved, we wouldn't all be stepping in to help out. We are giving to the world a small measure of what you've given us. You are loved, Buffy. We all love you. I love you."
Buffy was close to tears as she contemplated this. "I don't deserve you!"
"Let me be the judge of that."
"I feel...irrevocably changed."
"No, you're the same Buffy."
"'The same Buffy.'" Buffy shuddered at that idea.
Tara was concerned. "Buffy, I-I promise...there's nothing wrong with you."
"There has to be! This just can't be me; it isn't me." Buffy started to cry. "Why do I feel like this?"
"Because you're not a psychopath."
"I murdered him! I wanted him dead!" Buffy met Tara's eyes, but only for a moment, then looked away.
Tara frowned. "Oh."
"Yeah. 'Oh.'"
Tara rubbed her knees nervously. "Oh, huh. Really. Goddamn."
"He was everything that I hated. It was partly his fault, but it was mostly mine. I just unleashed all of my pent-up rage on him, and then..." Buffy paused and looked Tara directly in the eyes. "Don't tell anyone, please."
"I won't."
Buffy started crying. "The way they would look at me...I just couldn't..."
"I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't do that."
"What do I do? Where do I go from here?" Buffy asked her.
"You take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day."
Buffy just stared at her tearfully.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Tara offered. "So you're not alone?"
Buffy choked on her words.
"I-It's okay if you do. A-And Buffy, it's okay if you don't. You're going through a really hard time, and you're-"
"What? Say it. I'm a murderer. What's okay about that?" Buffy asked her.
"It's not that simple."
"It is! It's wrong. I'm wrong. Tell me that I'm wrong, please..." Buffy started to cry profusely. "Please don't forgive me, please..." She sobbed uncontrollably. "Please don't..." She slid off the table, onto the floor, kneeling, putting her head in Tara's lap.
Tara put her hands comfortingly on Buffy's head and made a mental note to call her parents.
Buffy continued sobbing, muffled by Tara's jeans. "Please don't forgive me..."
Tara stroked Buffy's hair gently as she continued crying.