"Real Me"
Based on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Episode "Real Me" Written by David Fury and the Angel Episode "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" Written by Tim Minear
The following story is copyright © 2024 by Mark Moore.
Buffy opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk. Buffy sniffed the milk and put it on the counter. Joyce was drinking coffee, and Dawn opened a cabinet to get out a box of cereal. Buffy picked up a banana from a bowl of fruit and turned away. Joyce poured milk into her coffee cup. Dawn opened the cereal box and sat down. Buffy returned with a bowl, which she placed on the counter, moving the milk carton aside. She turned away again, peeling the banana. Dawn took Buffy's bowl and poured cereal into it. Dawn turned away from the table as Buffy returned with a knife, prepared to slice the banana into her bowl, but found the bowl missing. She saw it sitting at Dawn's spot, full of cereal, and made an irritated face. Dawn returned with a spoon, wearing an innocent expression. Buffy turned away to get another bowl, and Dawn picked up the carton of milk. She emptied it into her bowl and sat down to eat. Buffy returned with another bowl, reached across Dawn for the cereal box, poured cereal into her bowl, picked up the milk carton, and found it empty. Dawn continued eating, pretending not to notice.
"So, Buffy, what are your plans today?" Joyce asked.
Buffy continued giving Dawn a dirty look for a moment, then looked away. "Oh, actually, I need to meet Giles at the magic shop for supplies for my new-and-improved training sessions."
"Oh, that's great."
Buffy walked to the fridge, opened it, grabbed a package of bologna, opened it, and started eating the slices. "Oh, yeah, I'm actually-"
"You can take Dawn shopping for back-to-school supplies."
Dawn put down her spoon and turned around, preparing to argue.
"What?" Buffy asked.
"Mom, I-I thought you were taking me."
"Well, honey, I've got the Gurion showing tonight, and there's so much to do to get the gallery ready." Joyce turned to leave the kitchen.
"No, but, see, Mom-" Buffy ran after Joyce. "-that doesn't really work for me. We're just going to the magic shop. No school supplies there."
Dawn ran into the living room. "Yeah, Mom, I'm not going to Hogwarts." She giggled at her own joke until she noticed Buffy looking annoyed and confused. "Jesus, crack a book sometime."
"Look, I'm sure Giles doesn't mind, and you can take your sister to the mall afterwards."
"Actually, he does mind. This is supposed to be quality Watcher/Slayer time. I told you, she completely ruined my training yesterday."
"Did not!"
"Oh, you know you did, too."
"Buffy. I realize the importance of your new Slayer thing, but I could really use your help."
The two girls both sighed and rolled their eyes in annoyance. They glared at each other.
Buffy sighed and headed for the front door. "C'mon, kid."
Dawn was annoyed. "I'm not a kid." She walked after Buffy.
Buffy unlocked and opened the door. She walked outside. Dawn followed her, locking and closing the door behind her.
"Are you mad at me?" Dawn asked.
"Oh, no, not at all. I'm plotting your death - but in a happy way." Buffy smiled sweetly at her sister.
Suddenly, a bright red 1987 BMW 325i convertible came to a stop on the street. A horn honked.
"Buffy!" Giles called.
Dawn walked down the steps and over to the car. "Fuck. Off. Giles, is this your new ride?"
Giles grinned. "It's the bomb, isn't it?"
Buffy joined Dawn at the car. "Wow, someone's having a midlife crisis."
"Hop in. I'll give you two a lift."
"You're not gonna take no for an answer, are you?" Buffy asked him.
Giles sat patiently and waited.
Buffy sighed, opened the passenger door, and got in. She closed and locked the door and fastened her seatbelt.
Dawn, by contrast, hopped into the back seat, toppling over in the process. "Ugh! I'm okay! I'm okay!"
Buffy rolled her eyes.
Inside Cordelia's apartment, Cordelia was in her kitchen, setting two cups and a tall glass on a tray. She looked into the living room.
Wesley was holding a black-and-white photograph of a 1920s hotel building. "The Hyperion Hotel. It appears to be abandoned."
Angel looked at it. "Sixty-eight rooms, sixty-eight vacancies."
Wesley handed the picture to Angel. "California Spanish, Deco influence - I'd say built in the late 1920s."
"That'd be my guess. It's just west of here in what used to be the heart of Hollywood. No telling how long it's been empty."
Cordelia walked out of her kitchen, carrying the tray, and set it down on the table.
"From the look of it...years."
"Hmm."
Cordelia handed Wesley a cup. "English breakfast tea." She set the other cup on the table. "Coffee." She handed the tall glass to Angel. "O-pos."
Wesley sat down. "Do we suspect its current condition is due to more than just the tourist trade drying up?"
"Yeah." Angel looked at the dark liquid in his glass.
"Something the matter?" Cordelia asked him.
"I, um, I-I think it's gone bad. It's starting to coagulate." Angel set the glass down.
"Huh?" Cordelia picked it up to take a closer look at it. "No. That's cinnamon."
She handed it back to Angel, who gave her a look.
"What, I can't try something?"
"Uh, what's the interest?" Wesley asked Angel.
"I need you two to look into the history of it. Find out who owns it now and why they are letting it stay empty like that."
"Who's the client?" Wesley asked.
"There is no client." Angel started to leave. "I'll check back with you later to see what you found out."
Cordelia sat down. "Cryptic much?"
"Angel, this is more than just a sudden interest in real estate."
Angel put on his jacket. "You'll have to access police files. Focus on cold cases, homicides, unsolved missing persons. Start at the beginning, take it up to the present day."
"You believe whatever made this place its home did so for some time."
"Probably right up to the end."
Cordelia and Wesley looked at each other as Angel walked out the door.
On the way to the magic shop, classical music played on the radio. Dawn reached between Giles and Buffy to change the radio station.
"Dawn, will you stop fiddling with the radio and sit down?" Giles requested, annoyed.
Dawn sat back, exasperated.
Buffy studied a piece of paper. "There's a lot of books on this list. Any of them come on tape? You know, read by Cameron Diaz or someone cute like that?"
"You're entering a new realm here, Buffy. One for which I myself am not entirely prepared. Are you ready for this commitment?"
"I'm just kidding!"
The car engine raced as Giles tried to shift.
"Blast!" Giles yelled.
"You put it in neutral, huh?"
"I'm just not used to this automatic transmission. I-I loathe this sitting here, not contributing."
Dawn was surprised.
"No, i-it's not working out."
"Giles, are you breaking up with your car?" Buffy asked.
"Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty!" Giles gave her a sour look. "I-I-I don't know, I just...I was so at loose ends, I-I found myself searching for...some way of feeling more-"
"Shallow?"
"Perhaps, as I am to act as your Watcher again, a modicum of respect might be in order."
"Do I have to?"
"I'm serious, Buffy, there's going to be far less time for the sort of flighty, frivolous-"
Dawn pointed. "Hey, there's Amy and Tara!"
Buffy and Giles looked and saw the two women walking on the sidewalk near the Magic Box, Tara's scooter parked nearby.
"Ooh, they haven't seen my new car." Giles pulled over.
Buffy rolled her eyes at him.
Amy smiled. "Hey, Giles, sharp wheels!"
Tara smiled. "The rest of the car's nice, too."
Everyone got out of the car.
Giles smiled. "Handles like a dream."
"Where are you guys heading?" Dawn asked.
Amy nodded. "Magic shop. We have some charms on back order. Tara gave me a lift."
Tara smiled and gave Dawn a little wave. "Hey, Dawn."
Dawn and Tara walked side by side - with Giles ahead of them and Buffy and Amy in the lead.
Dawn looked at Tara. "How'd karate go last night?"
Tara looked at Dawn. "Oh, you were asleep when we came home last night, so you don't know. I got my black belt."
Dawn grinned. "Cool! So you're, like, a master."
"Black belt means you've mastered the basics. I'm only shodan, a first-degree black belt. But that does mean I'm moving to the black belt class, which meets on different nights than the kyū class."
Dawn looked at Buffy with a teasing smile. "Awww, did someone not make it?"
Buffy frowned without looking at her. "Hey, I'm first kyū, which is right behind Tara. I'll be joining her soon enough."
Everyone came to a stop. Tara and Dawn peered in the windows of the magic shop.
Tara looked at the others. "Shop's kinda dark. Maybe it's closed."
Giles looked at the windows. "That's odd."
Everyone else was bemused and walked toward the magic shop.
Giles opened the door and walked in. It was dark, and the furniture was overturned. Giles and Buffy walked in slowly, followed by the others, all looking around.
Buffy looked at Giles. "Well, I think 'odd' just got upped to 'bad'."
"Hello? Anyone here?" Giles called.
"Mr. Bogarty?" Tara called.
Amy advanced farther into the store. She tripped over something and fell to the floor.
"Amy?" Buffy asked.
Tara walked forward.
"I'm fine, I-I just tripped over..." Amy sat up and saw the body.
He was laying face-up, and she could see vampire bite marks on his neck.
"Mr. Bogarty."
Dawn was behind Buffy and Giles. "Wha-What is it; is he okay?" She tried to move forward.
Buffy pushed her back. "It's nothing you need to see, Dawn; go wait outside." She hustled her toward the door with a hand on Dawn's elbow.
"I don't wanna wait outside!" Dawn yelled.
"Dawn!" Buffy yelled.
"Ow, that hurt!" Dawn yelled.
Buffy pushed her out the door, onto the street.
"You're hurting me. I'm telling."
"Look, I don't have time for this. Just do as I say and wait." Buffy started off, then turned back. "Here." She went back inside and shut the door.
Dawn sighed in annoyance, walked around a little, then went back and peered between the blinds. Inside the shop, she could see Buffy, Tara, and Amy standing around as Giles kneeled beside the body.
"Whatcha doin'?"
Dawn turned with a gasp. A scruffy older man was standing there, unshaven, his tie loose.
"What are you doing here? You can't loiter. There's no loitering."
He advanced on Dawn as she backed up, scared.
"That's why I'm a cat. Quiet. See, cat's in the cupboard..." He made scratching gestures with his hands. "...but they find you there, anyway, and it hurts."
Dawn had backed up against a van. She looked around, scared.
The guy sobbed. "Please, make it stop." Then he got angry. "Shut up, shut up, they'll hear you!"
"Buff-"
The guy put his finger on her lips. Dawn shrieked. Then, abruptly, the man turned and ran away. Dawn sat on the ground, leaning against the building.
The door to the magic shop opened, and Tara walked out. She closed the door behind her.
Tara looked around. "Dawn?" She walked out a little farther, looking around. "Dawn?" She looked down and saw Dawn. "Dawn. You okay?"
"Is...Is that guy dead in there?"
Tara nodded. "Yeah." She sat down next to Dawn. "They're gonna be a little while longer. Are you okay?"
Dawn nodded. They sat silently for a few moments.
"Do you wanna thumb-wrestle?" Tara asked her.
Dawn nodded again. "Okay."
They locked their hands together and began to thumb-wrestle.
Giles reached over and closed Mr. Bogarty's eyes.
Buffy looked from the body to Giles. "Judging by the bite-fest, I'd say it was more than one vampire."
Giles stood up. "I make it four at least."
"Looks like someone's put together a new fang club." Buffy walked to the counter.
Amy was behind it, holding a book. "Well, I've cross-checked the inventory list, and things are definitely missing." She put the inventory book on the counter. "Mostly books. Including A Treatise on the Mythology and Methodology of the Vampire Slayer."
Buffy pulled out her list as Giles picked up the inventory book.
"Oh, shit! Was that the only copy?" Buffy asked.
"Come on, Buffy, this could be very serious. Whoever's leading this pack of vampires appears to be interested in learning more about you. Perhaps searching for weaknesses or..." Giles paused. "Good Lord."
"What?" Buffy asked.
"Well, I had no idea the profit margins on a shop like this were so high."
Buffy and Amy exchanged a look.
"Look at this! Uh, low overhead, out-of-state orders, international..." Giles paused. "It's no wonder there's never any trouble attracting new owners." He looked around. "A place like this is a virtual-"
"Deathtrap?" Buffy finished.
"What? Well, uh, yes, there is that. But, uh, still..." Giles put the book down and looked around some more. "Location, pedestrian traffic..."
"So what's the next step?" Amy asked.
Giles still gazed around. "Buffy, you should begin looking for their lair straight away."
"I'll ask Tara to help me patrol. Amy, wanna join in?"
"Wait, aren't you forgetting something?" Amy asked her.
"Impressive square footage..." Giles walked off.
Buffy gave Amy a questioning look.
"Dawn."
Buffy was annoyed. "Oh, fuck. I gotta drop my sister back home." Her eyes widened. "My mother's gonna kill me."
Giles walked back over to them. "I bet the death rate keeps the rent down."
Buffy opened the door and walked outside. She closed the door behind her.
"Tara, can I borrow your scooter?" Buffy asked. "I need to take Dawn home before we go searching for the vampire lair."
"I wanna come!" Dawn told Buffy.
"No!" Buffy and Tara yelled.
Dawn pouted. She and Tara stood up. Tara took her keys out of her pocket and offered them to Buffy.
"The hotel officially closed its doors on December 16th, 1979. On that morning, the concierge, Roland Meeks, made his morning wake-up calls with a twelve-gauge shotgun, room to room. It's been empty ever since." Wesley sat down at the table, next to Cordelia.
Cordelia was sitting in front of her laptop. "According to city records, it was declared a protected historical landmark. The property management company that owns it has been trying to unload it for ten years. No buyers."
"Mmm, no wonder. Even a cursory inspection of these records indicates a storied legacy of murder and mayhem dating back to the hotel's construction in '28, when a roofer leapt to his death, taking two coworkers with him."
"Yeah, that's all really interesting. What are we doing?"
"Doing?"
"Yes! You did notice that Angel neglected to tell us the, for instance, point of all this."
"Uh...well...I mean...clearly, he has us compiling incidents...uh, arranging data, organizing information in such a way that-"
Cordelia raised her eyebrows at him.
"Yes, I-I did notice that, the no-point thing. Frankly, I haven't the slightest idea what to do with all this."
Cordelia looked through some old photographs and noticed something in one of them.
"We could make a collage...or a mobile."
"Wesley!" Cordelia showed him the photo. "Look who was staying here in '52."
Wesley spotted Angel in the background of the picture. "Well. Now, we know one thing for certain. Angel had a personal connection to this place."
"So...why didn't he just tell us?"
Wesley paused. "Perhaps he was ashamed to."
Later, Dawn was sitting on her bed, holding her diary. She overheard her mother and sister arguing in Joyce's bedroom.
Joyce walked back and forth, getting dressed and putting on jewelry. "So not only didn't you take your sister shopping for school supplies, you brought her to a murder scene."
"No, I didn't bring her to it; it...just...sorta came upon us. It's not like she saw the body or anything."
"Oh, well, that makes it all right then, doesn't it?"
"No, that is not what I meant."
"I asked one favor of you, Buffy. To look after your sister. And now you want to unload her, so you and Tara can go out."
"To patrol. I'm working; it's not like I wanna go to the club."
"I have to be at the pre-show reception in half an hour. Who's gonna watch Dawn?"
"I don't need anyone to watch me!" Dawn called from her room.
"Yes, you do!" Joyce yelled.
"Why does she?" Buffy asked her. "She's only two years younger than I was when I started slaying vampires."
"I want her to be normal."
Buffy frowned at her, hurt.
"You know what I mean." Joyce walked into the bathroom.
Buffy followed her. "Wait. So what you're saying is, if I can get an 'acceptable' babysitter here before you leave, I can go patrol and perhaps prevent a few deaths? How fucking generous of you, Mom. I'm sure the wound-be victims will appreciate it."
"Babysitter? I'm fourteen! I'm old enough to be a babysitter!" Dawn yelled.
"She has a point, Mom."
Joyce gave Buffy a stern look.
Buffy sighed. "You're infantilizing her, but fine. I'll find a babysitter for my teenage sister, so people don't get killed tonight."
"And who are you gonna get on such short notice?"
"I can take care of myself!" Dawn yelled.
"Sandy?" Buffy suggested. "She has a younger sister."
Joyce frowned. "I really don't feel comfortable with that."
Buffy gave her a dirty look. "Wow."
"Anyone else?" Joyce asked.
Cordelia and Wesley were sitting on the floor in front of a bunch of folders laid out by year. They looked through a series of black-and-white photos of the bellhop being led away in handcuffs. The last photo was identical to the one in a newspaper clipping held by Wesley with the heading of "Bellhop Arrested for Murder".
"Frank Gillnitz. He worked as a bellman the year that Angel was in residence; we put him in '52."
"But he wasn't executed until '54. Shouldn't we put him there?" Cordelia asked.
"He wasn't executed until '54, but the crime that he committed, the murder of the salesman and the storing of the body in the hotel meat locker, that occurred in '52."
"It's kind of like a puzzle. The 'who died horribly, because Angel fucked up fifty years ago?' game." Cordelia picked up another newspaper clipping with a photo of a woman named Judy Kovacs and a headline that read "Search Called Off - Fugitive Woman Believed Dead". "So where do we put her?"
"When did she die?"
Cordelia read the clipping. "Um, it doesn't say. Just that she was being tracked by federal authorities for bank robbery, she checked into the Hyperion in '52, and was never heard from again."
"'52?"
"'52."
Wesley put the news clipping down on the 1952 folder.
The doorbell rang. Dawn walked up to the front door. She unlocked and opened the door. Harmony stood there, holding a pizza box. Amy was behind her, holding three VHS tapes.
Harmony smiled. "Hey, Dawn."
Dawn smiled. "Hey."
"Got a large supreme."
"Cool!"
Amy smiled. "I rented Showgirls-"
"Shhh! Mom's upstairs!" Dawn whispered.
"Oh, gotcha." Amy handed her the tape. "Uh, I got Saved by the Bell." She handed her a tape of The Cool Surface. "Lois & Clark."
Dawn took the last tape, Embrace of the Vampire. "And this must be Who's the Boss?."
Amy grinned. "Yup."
Dawn stepped aside. Harmony and Amy walked in. Dawn closed and locked the door as Joyce walked downstairs, putting on a jacket.
"Harmony, Amy, thanks for doing this."
Harmony grinned. "Total non-sweat."
"Again, thanks for coming. Oh, uh, here is my card. If you have any problems, you just call me on the cell phone." Joyce gave Amy her card.
Amy smiled. "Have fun."
"Dawn, be good." Joyce kissed Dawn goodbye.
Joyce unlocked and opened the door and left. Dawn, smiling at Amy and Harmony, shut the door and locked it.
Cordelia was on the phone with Angel.
"A Thesulac demon claimed this place even before they started building it."
Cordelia consulted the demon database on her laptop.
"I thought, if I had you trace the events, we could track it and find out where it went, but it's still here. All right, I want you and Wesley down here ASAP. And page Gunn; we're gonna need all the muscle we can get when we raise this thing."
"Raise it?" Cordelia asked.
"We have to force it to become corporeal in order to kill it."
"Right. Thesulac. You'll want me to research the raising ritual."
"Already done it." Angel ended the call.
Wesley was kneeling nearby, studying the clippings. "I can sense it. There is a pattern here. Some force was residing at the Hyperion over the last decades, affecting staff and residents. I just fear there is no real way to-"
Cordelia stepped up next to him. "A Thesulac."
Wesley stared at her.
"Paranoia demon. Whispers to its victims, feeds on their innate insecurities."
Wesley was speechless.
Cordelia gave him a big grin. "Angel wants us down at the Hyperion. We're gonna raise the fucker."
That evening, Jenny and Giles were eating dinner while sitting on the couch. Jenny had one hand on her fork and the other hand on her laptop.
"So what do you think?" Giles asked. "Is it feasible?"
Jenny looked at him. "Are you serious about this, Rupe?"
"Yes."
Jenny nodded. "It's feasible. My projections are quite good."
"I really want to do this, and I want you there beside him."
Jenny showed him her engagement ring. "Of course, I will be - when I'm not busy with school."
Giles grinned. "Thank you. I'll make the call first thing tomorrow morning."
Jenny grinned as Giles kissed her on the lips.
Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn walked into the lobby.
Angel looked at them. "Let's do this."
Cordelia sprinkled some powder on a landing of the steps leading up.
Wesley picked up the open book. "We call thee forth, Thesulac of the netherworld; we command you: leave our minds and join us on this, the physical plane." He held out a hand to where Gunn was fiddling with a backpack and snapped his fingers. "Orb of Ramjerin."
"'Orb of Ramjerin, please' makes it happen."
Wesley dropped his hands. "Please! And do be careful. Ancient conjuring orbs are notoriously fragile."
Gunn tossed the orb to Wesley, and Wesley had to drop the book and crouch down to catch it.
"Angel!" Wesley yelled.
"Guys, don't listen to it, all right? Whatever it's whispering to you, just ignore it."
Cordelia looked at him. "They were like this all the way over here in the car."
"Oh."
Wesley held up the now-glowing orb. "We invoke thee by the power of the orb of priests of Ramjerin. What was once in our thoughts, be now in our midst."
The air above the stair landing began to shiver and bulge.
The demon manifested before them with a scream.
"Watch his tentacles."
Cordelia looked at Angel. "Excuse me?"
"Tentacles!" Wesley yelled.
"Oh."
Thesulac looked at Angel. "I don't remember ordering take-out, but I like what you brung me. Not as delectable as the last one, perhaps, but full of tasty paranoia just the same." He laughed, then indicated Wesley. "Especially that one!"
Wesley looked over at Cordelia and Angel. "What did he mean by that?"
Angel stared at the demon. "You had your last meal here a long time ago. You should have gotten out when you had the chance."
Thesulac drifted closer to Angel. "Got out? Now, why would I wanna do that? When the room service in this hotel is still excellent. Has been for fifty years. Paranoia here...is like fine wine."
"It gets better with age."
The demon grinned in his face.
"You're still feeding. Gunn!" Angel yelled.
Gunn aimed his crossbow and pinned one of Thesulac's tentacles to the banister of the stairs. The Thesulac wrapped one of his other tentacles around Gunn's hand holding the crossbow and tossed him against the wall. Gunn dropped to the floor and looked back up at the demon. Cordelia and Wesley ran in different directions, and, while the demon was distracted, Angel jumped into a forward roll, grabbing a hold of one of the demon's other tentacles.
Angel rolled back to his feet with it in his grip. "The kitchen is closed."
He shoved the end of the tentacle against the exposed wires in the fuse box. There was an explosion of sparks, and blue electricity ran up the tentacle and wrapped around the demon. All four of them stood and stared as the Thesulac hung in the air, screaming.
After a while, there was an explosion of white light, and the Thesulac was gone.
"What did he mean, 'especially that one'?" Wesley asked Angel.
Angel headed up the stairs as the others watched from below.
Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn were sitting at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Angel.
"I've been accused of a great many things in my time, but paranoid has never been one of them."
Gunn shook his head and looked over at Cordelia.
"Unless people been saying it behind my back."
Angel came down the stairs. The others stood up.
"You all right, man?" Gunn asked.
"Yeah."
"We finished?" Cordelia asked.
"I think so."
"Good. Because I, for one, will be glad to see the last of this place. Gives me the heebie-jeebies."
"No lie. Plus it kind of got an odor to it. You notice that?" Gunn asked.
"Seventy years of violence, mayhem, and paranoia - bad vibes." Cordelia shuddered.
"We're moving in."
"I mean...a few throw pillows; what's not to love?" Cordelia asked, forcing herself to grin.
"Angel, surely, you, more than anyone, must appreciate how, for the better part of the last century, this place has been host not only to a malevolent demonic presence but the very worst faces of humanity!" Wesley exclaimed. "This is a house of evil."
Angel looked around the hotel. "Not anymore."
Wesley took a look around, himself, then leaned in closer to Angel. "Angel...you don't...find me...especially paranoid, do you?"
"Not especially."
"Oh, thank God! I was worried."
Buffy and Tara walked through the graveyard.
"So then my mom goes off on me about how I'm supposed to watch out for Dawn and make sure that she's shielded from something that might upset her."
"Like dead shopkeepers."
"She didn't see him! A foot, maybe. A dead foot, which is bad, okay, but, hello, I see dead stuff all the time, and you don't see Mom shielding me."
"True." Tara sighed. "Poor Dawn, though. She was pretty shaken up."
Buffy nodded. "Well, sure. Bloody death and shit. She'll be okay."
"It's just...I-I think it's tough for her, not being able to...well, allowed to, you know, help."
"Help?"
"Us. The Slayer circle."
"Well, I don't really need more...a-and I think Dawn's a little young."
"I-I know, you're right. It's just hard. That outsider feeling. We all just have this really tight bond. It's - It's hard to break into that."
"Maybe I can talk to the rest of the group, and we can do something, some kind of Slayerette initiation."
Tara smiled. "Something like that would be nice for Dawn. I do worry about her sometimes."
Buffy forced a smile. "You don't have to. She's got big sister Buffy happily looking out for her."
Tara sighed. "What's the deal, Buffy? You seem really tense."
Buffy shrugged. "Yeah, there's a new vampire gang in town."
Tara shook her head. "That's not what I mean. You're on Dawn's ass a lot."
"I guess. It's just..." Buffy sighed. "I don't know, it...I know it's always been this way. She's the baby. But since she moved in, it's just really getting to me. She's always around."
"Well, yeah. You're, like, her idol, Buffy."
"Her idol? I don't think so, unless you like to spill things on your idol's new leather pants and-"
"You know what I mean. You have superpowers...and college."
"And a pesky life-or-death job that I can't quit or even take a break from."
"She doesn't get the sacrifices. She's a kid."
Buffy sighed. "And that's what irritates the fuck out of me. She gets to be a kid, and she acts like it's the biggest burden in the world. Sometimes, I would like to just curl up in Mom's lap and not worry about the fate of the world. I'd like to be the one who's protected, who's waited on-"
"-hand and foot, getting her own way. Always the favorite."
Amy and Harmony rolled their eyes and tried to tune out Dawn's ramblings and concentrate on Elizabeth Berkley's breasts.
"Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. It's like...nobody cares enough to find out. I mean...does anyone ever ask me what I want to do with my life? Or what my opinion is on stuff? Or what restaurant to order in from? No. No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a Slayer. People wouldn't be so crazy about her if they had to live in the same house with her every single day. Everybody cares what she thinks. Just 'cause she can do backflips and shit. Like that's such a crucial job skill in the real world. Plus Mom lets her get away with everything. 'Your sister's saving the world.' I could so save the world if somebody handed me superpowers...but I'd think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones, which Buffy doesn't even. If this town wasn't so lame, I bet they wouldn't even be that impressed, because, like, killing things with wood? Oh, scary vampires, they die from a splinter. I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me too much. I think it's 'cause he's just so...old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word 'newfangled' one time. So he's gotta be pretty far gone. Amy, you and Tara are the awesomest people. You do spells and stuff, which is so much cooler than slaying." Dawn paused to eat from her bowl of chocolate ice cream.
Amy sighed. "You nut. Your mom loves you both equally."
Harmony looked at Dawn. "I find money usually helps tip the scale. Slip Joyce a ten or a twenty once in a while. Then we'll see who's the favorite."
"Where am I gonna get money?" Dawn asked her.
Harmony laughed, embarrassed. "Oops, sorry, I forgot."
Suddenly, something smashed in the window. Dawn shrieked. Amy and Harmony got up and went to see what it was.
Amy picked up a rock with a note tied around it. She untied the string, handed the rock to Harmony, and read the note: "'Slayer, come out and die.'"
The note was written in large letters. The "i" in "die" was dotted with a smiley face.
"I'm waiting for you, Buffy!" Sunday yelled.
Amy went over to the hole in the window and peeked out. She saw Sunday, surrounded by four guys, who carried weapons.
Sunday was annoyed. "I know you're in there!"
Amy rolled her eyes, walked over to the front door, unlocked it, and opened it. Harmony walked over to the door. Dawn stood up and walked over as well.
"What do you want, Sunday?" Amy asked.
Sunday walked up to the front door. "I want Buffy!"
"She's not here."
"What do you mean, she's not in there? She has to be. I'm calling her out!" Sunday yelled.
Amy was unimpressed. "Then I bet she'll be really sorry she missed your call. 'Fraid you and your buddies are gonna have to come back and be killed by Buffy later."
Sunday looked at her scornfully. "They're not my buddies. They're my minions."
Amy checked out the minions. "Is that what those circus freaks are?"
"Uh-huh." Sunday paused. "I mean...shut up! We're gonna kill the Slayer."
Amy was skeptical, then she started laughing.
"What's so funny?!" Sunday asked.
"Well, it's just that Buffy mopped the floor with your last gang."
"Stop laughing!" Sunday tried to attack her, but she couldn't go past the doorway.
Dawn ducked behind Harmony.
Harmony started laughing. "I just - I just can't picture anyone pathetic enough to be following..." She looked at the minions and pretended to be shocked. "Is that Brad Konig? Huh! Hey, Brad, who'd have thought, when you were beating up kids in gym class, you'd end up Sunday's lapdog?"
Brad gave her a dirty look. "Fuck you, Kendall."
Sunday smiled at Harmony. "You should know all about being somebody's lapdog. I hear you were a good little puppy for Dracula."
Amy and Dawn were insulted on Harmony's behalf.
Harmony was angry. "You heard wrong."
Sunday laughed. "Don't feel bad. I hear that mind-control thing he does works really well on weak-minded followers. You didn't stand a chance."
"Shut up!" Dawn yelled, still behind Harmony.
"Dawn, I'm handling this." Amy looked at Sunday. "Shut up, Sunday!"
"Make me."
"'Fraid I don't feel like it. You're ruining movie night."
Sunday laughed. "You're fucking scared!"
"Oh, yeah? Come inside and say that!" Dawn blurted.
"Dawn, no!" Harmony yelled.
Sunday bared her fangs and lunged at Amy, shoving her to the floor as Dawn shrieked. Sunday was on top of Amy, holding her down as she struggled. Dawn shrieked and pushed past Harmony to run up the stairs. The minions rushed to the door but couldn't enter. They snarled. Harmony turned and ran into the dining room. Sunday punched Amy in the face a few times. Harmony picked up a lamp. Sunday bent to bite Amy as Harmony ran up with the lamp. Sunday straightened up and backhanded Harmony, breaking the lamp and sending Harmony flying. Amy kicked Sunday in the stomach, and she flew backward out the front door, crashing into the minions. They all fell down the porch stairs. Amy and Harmony rushed to close the door and lean against it, looking out at the vampires.
"This isn't over, Amy! I'll be back!" Sunday vowed.
"And we'll be ready for you!" Amy looked at Harmony. "Buffy is not going to be happy about this."
Harmony shook her head in agreement.
Buffy was laughing hysterically. So was Tara. Amy and Harmony weren't laughing. They were in the kitchen, and Amy and Harmony had filled Buffy in on most of what had happened.
Harmony nodded. "Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Buffy cleared throat and stopped laughing. "It's just..." She started laughing again.
Amy looked at Buffy seriously. "Uh, Buffy, there's actually a more serious side to all this."
"I sure hope so, 'cause I'm having trouble breathing." Buffy giggled, then stopped and took a deep breath. "What is it?"
"She can enter your house any time she wants."
"What?"
"How?" Tara asked.
Amy fidgeted. "Uh, yeah, actually, she - Harmony - kind of happened to sort of get an invite."
"You guys can't invite her in. I mean...only someone who lives here can-" Buffy realized what that meant.
Amy nodded.
Buffy frowned. "Where is she?"
"In her room. Look, I think she's still pretty freaked out."
"Dawn!" Buffy started to stomp out.
Amy stopped her. "Buff, it was an accident. She didn't mean it."
"Oh, well, that just makes it okay then, doesn't it?" Buffy stomped out of the kitchen.
"No, but, believe me, nobody feels worse than her right now!" Amy called after her.
Buffy laid out a huge array of stakes and crosses on her bed as Tara watched.
"That's a lot of weapons for somebody you weren't sweating twenty minutes ago."
"Well, that was before Dawn gave Sunday a backstage pass to kill us all in our sleep."
Amy walked into the room. "Buff, I did the uninvitation spell. All better."
Dawn stood in the hallway, listening in.
"No. Not all better. I mean...it's not like Dawn doesn't know all the rules. Especially the biggie! Numero one-oh. 'Do not invite bloodsucking dead people into our house.'"
Dawn rolled her eyes.
Tara sighed. "People slip, Buffy."
"Dawn knew exactly what Sunday was, and she rolled out the welcome mat for her."
Amy frowned. "She's just a kid."
Dawn rolled her eyes.
"You know, I was just a kid when I met my first vampire, but, somehow, I still managed to remember the rules."
Tara stared at her. "You had to. It was your job."
Buffy put on a jacket. "No. No, it was common sense. But nobody expects even that much from Dawn, do they? No, she has to be protected and coddled from the big, bad world. Well, you know what? We are doing nothing but turning her into a little idiot who is going to get us all killed."
Dawn frowned. Tara and Amy were displeased, but they didn't argue anymore. Dawn turned and walked away.
Buffy sighed. "She just has to be more careful. Now, I can't be there to protect her twenty-four hours per day. I-I just can't."
Dawn got a stake from her desk drawer in her bedroom, ran downstairs, and passed by Harmony, who was eating a slice of pizza in the kitchen.
"Hey! Don't!" Harmony yelled.
Dawn unlocked and opened the back door and ran out.
Harmony stood up and followed. "Dawn!"
Dawn stopped a few feet outside the door and put her hands to her face, trying not to cry. Harmony grabbed her shoulder, startling her.
"What do you think you're doing?" Harmony asked her.
"Leave me alone."
"I will after you come back inside the house." Harmony grabbed Dawn and started shoving her back toward the door.
"Let go of me!" Dawn broke free.
"No, it's not safe out here!"
Dawn shrieked as a vampire stepped from behind a bush.
"You got that right."
He hit Harmony, sending her flying back inside, where she fell on the kitchen floor. He grabbed Dawn and passed her to the other minions, who herded her away, shrieking. He followed the other minions.
Tara, Amy, and Buffy entered the kitchen and found Harmony on the floor.
"Harmony!" Amy yelled.
Tara and Amy kneeled to lift Harmony up. Buffy went to look out the door.
Harmony groaned. "Oh, vampires took..." She paused. "They took her...Dawn."
"Dawn? Wha-What about Dawn?" Buffy asked her.
"She ran out..." Harmony paused. "They took her..." She paused again. "Vampires..."
"Oh, God. Oh, God. Uh, take care of Harmony." Buffy ran out.
"Buffy!" Tara yelled.
In the mansion, Dawn was chained to the wall with her wrists at head height by the vampire, who then walked away. She listened in on the conversation going on in the next room.
"All right, once again, nice work, minionators. I'm really, really proud of you guys. Ah, Mort. I trust you made our guest...comfortable?"
"You told me to chain her to a wall."
Yeah, I know, I'm being, you know, sarcastic or whatever? Anyway...I'm feeling really good about this new plan, people. I think it's a winner."
"When do we eat the girl?"
"We don't. Not yet."
"Why not?"
"Because! That's not the plan!" Sunday sighed. "Do I have to go over the plan again? We use the sister as bait. We send Buffy a note-"
"More notes?"
"We send Buffy a note, telling her that, if she wants to see her sister again, she has to come alone to a place we choose. She comes, we jump her, we kill her."
"So it doesn't really matter if we're actually holding the Slayer's sister; just as long as she thinks we are, she'll walk into the trap."
"I guess."
"So it won't make any difference if we eat the girl now."
"We're not eating the girl."
"Why not?"
"'Cause! That's not the plan."
Dawn wasn't sure what to make of that.
A short while later, after sending her minions outside, Sunday walked into the room and started venting to Dawn.
"They don't respect me. They pretend they do, but, deep down, they think I'm nothing. I mean...I'm the one who put this group together. Me! But they treat me like I don't even matter. Do you have any idea what that feels like?" Sunday asked her.
"A little."
"They have no idea how much pressure I'm under. I have to make all the hard decisions. And it's hard!"
Dawn gasped, seeing Mort leading the other minions in.
Sunday turned. "Excuse me, I didn't hear anybody knock."
"We've been talking it over, and we decided we don't like this plan."
"Oh, really? You have a plan you like better?" Sunday asked him, angry.
"We're gonna feed on the girl and kill you."
Dawn was scared.
"Maybe not in that order."
"I don't think I like your attitude, Mort." Sunday looked at the others. "Kill him for me."
The other minions didn't move. Mort smirked.
"All right. You're all on my list."
Mort advanced toward her. Sunday assumed a fighting stance. He grabbed her by the throat. Dawn watched fearfully as another minion walked toward her.
"Touch me, and my sister's gonna kill you."
He smirked and reached out one finger. He poked her in the shoulder and laughed. The other minions laughed, too. Suddenly, the point of a stake shot through him from behind. He stopped laughing and fell to the floor, dead. Mort let go of Sunday, and they both turned, as did the other minions, who were holding weapons.
Buffy smiled. "Can't say she didn't warn him."
Sunday looked at Mort. "And you didn't like the plan." She looked at Buffy. "So, Slayer, you found me."
Buffy stared at her. "I recommended this place to you, Sunday, you halfwit."
"I'm the halfwit? Um, excuse me, but look who's fallen into my-"
Another minion attacked Buffy with a large ax. She ducked his swing and staked him. As he fell, Buffy grabbed the ax from him, Brad attacked, and Buffy chopped off his head.
"-trap."
Buffy looked at Sunday. "Look at you, all puffed up and mighty, thinking you're the new Big Bad. It's, uh...well, let's face it, it's adorable."
Sunday grinned. "Congratulations, you passed!"
"What?" Buffy asked, dumbfounded.
"I was testing you. See, there's no way that I'm gonna actually kill my own kind, but I can make sure you have what it takes."
"You don't seriously expect me to believe that."
"There comes a time in every woman's life when she realizes she needs to take the next step. I've taken it. I've found the real me...and I like her."
Buffy had moved closer to her during this speech until their faces were inches apart.
"Hope you'll be very happy together. In the meantime, save Slayer training for the professionals."
Mort was moving around behind Buffy.
Dawn saw him. "Buffy, watch out!"
Buffy turned and swung the ax, but Mort knocked it out of her grasp and knocked her down. Mort swung at Buffy; she punched him, grabbed a large stick, and hit him with it. He punched her. She ducked a few more punches and landed one on him. Dawn struggled against her chains. Buffy kicked Mort a few times, he hit her a few times, and she went down. He picked her up and threw her. She got up, and they exchanged more punches and kicks. Mort grabbed Buffy by the neck and lifted her off the ground. She looked around and noticed the stick laying nearby. She shoved Mort away, landed on the ground, grabbed the stick, and stabbed him through the heart with it. He died.
Buffy let go of the stick and strode toward Dawn, picking up the ax along the way. "You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home." She struck at the chains with the ax.
"Yeah, well...I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me."
Buffy continued striking at the chains. "Fine. I'll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night, that you got Harmony hurt, invited a vampire in, got kidnapped..."
Buffy and Dawn entered the kitchen, moving quietly, looking around guiltily. Just as Buffy closed the back door, Joyce came into the kitchen.
"Sorry it ran so late. Everything, uh, go okay?"
Buffy and Dawn looked at each other.
Buffy looked at her mother. "Yeah. Yeah, you know...I got the vamps, and we watched some TV."
Joyce smiled. "Well, I know at least one of us who's supposed to be in bed by now."
Dawn obediently kissed Joyce and exited.
"Night."
"So how was the exhibit?"
Joyce opened the fridge. "Oh, it was fantastic."
Dawn looked back at them as she walked toward the stairs.
The next day, at the Magic Box, Dawn was sitting at a table, writing in her diary: "Buffy probably would've gotten in way more trouble than me, anyway. But I guess it was pretty okay of her not to say anything to Mom. Harmony's gonna be okay, and Tara and Amy weren't mad at me. So stuff mostly worked out."
Buffy was leaning against the counter. "Giles, are you sure about this?"
Giles stood up behind the counter. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer...and have you ever run a store before?"
"I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don't return." Giles came out from behind the counter. "It'll give me focus. Increase my resources. And it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours."
He, Jenny, and Buffy walked toward the back.
"There is even some space for you to train in the back. You ready to train?" Giles asked.
"You betcha."
Giles opened the door to the back room as Buffy watched. Giles held the door for Buffy.
Buffy entered, looking around. "Oh, my God. Look at this place!"
She saw a punching bag hanging from the ceiling, a vault horse atop a set of mats, a stationary bike, a short pedestal, and a scarecrow/dummy. The pedestal was about two feet high and four square inches. There was a mini fridge. Against the far wall, there was a set of weights. Symbols were painted on the floor and walls.
Buffy gasped. "Boy, you've really thought this through. Thank you." She looked at Giles. "Thank you...so much."
Giles removed his glasses. "It's just a start; you need a proper space to train, so-"
"I love it."
Giles gave a small smile.
Buffy walked farther into the room. "It must have been so much work."
Jenny smiled. "Everyone pitched in. It's our gift to you."
"I-It's all great."
Giles put his glasses back on. "Well, you've earned it. Truly."
"Thank you guys so much. You're like my...fairy godmother and Santa Claus and Q all wrapped up into one."
Giles was confused.
Buffy noticed. "Q from Bond, not Star Trek."
In Huntsville, Alabama, a fourteen-year-old girl with short red hair named Violet Day was sitting in a chair and playing a bit of Mozart's "Misericordias Domini, K. 222" on her violin.
Suddenly, the door opened.
"Break's over."
Violet looked over at her Watcher. "That wasn't fifteen minutes."
"You callin' me a liar?" Mike Martin asked.
"N-No, sir." Violet bent over and quickly put her violin and bow back in their cases. Then she stood up and followed him out of the room.
They walked down a short hallway and entered the training room.
Mike sat in his chair. "Pick up the knife, stand fifteen feet away, and hit the target."
Violet walked over to the table and picked up the throwing knife. She walked over to the "15" tape on the floor and prepared herself.
"The vampire's not gonna wait for you. Throw!"
Violet threw the knife. It hit the outermost circle on the target.
Mike made a note in his journal. "Again."
Violet walked over to retrieve the knife. "When...?" She paused.
"You got somethin' to say?" Mike asked.
Violet looked at him. "When do I get to see a vampire?"
"When you're good 'n' ready."
"Do you maybe have some pictures or somethin', so I can see what it is I'm fightin'?" Violet asked.
"They look just like us. That's what makes 'em scary." Mike paused for a moment and flipped to another page in his journal. "C'm'ere."
Violet walked over to him. Mike showed her a Polaroid taped to a page in his journal. There was a blurry figure in the picture. Violet moved her head close to the picture. She saw what she guessed might be fangs in the figure's mouth.
Mike flipped back to his notes. "Again."
Violet walked over to the tape.
Buffy, wearing a tank top and pants, her eyes closed, leaned over the pedestal with both of her hands on it.
Giles walked in a circle around Buffy, staring at her. "There is nothing but you. You are the center. And within you, there is the core of your being...of what you are. Find it. Breathe into it. Focus inward. Let the world fall away...fall away...fall away..."
She opened her eyes. Buffy leaned forward and went into a handstand, balancing on her hands on the pedestal. Giles was still walking circles around Buffy. Buffy, eyes closed again, began to remove one hand from the pedestal. Buffy brought one arm out, parallel to the floor, so she was balancing on the other hand. Giles still walked around her, watching. Buffy felt very peaceful.
Dawn was bored. She noticed a large, flat crystal with three smaller crystals standing on end atop it. Dawn tried to balance a fourth crystal on top of the three standing ones, but she was clumsy, and all of the crystals fell over with a clunk. Buffy's eyes popped open; she lost her concentration and crashed to the floor with a cry. Giles started toward her in alarm and saw she was all right. He then looked at Dawn, pulling off his glasses in an angry motion.
Dawn looked down at Buffy. "Can we go now?"
Buffy looked at her, annoyed.