Shadow Over Hellmouth Chapter 76: First Impressions, a buffy: the vampire slayer fanfic

"First Impressions"

Based on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Episode "The Replacement" Written by Jane Espenson and the Angel Episode "First Impressions" Written by Shawn Ryan

Dawn finished her breakfast of Reese's Puffs cereal and took her bowl and spoon to the sink.

"You ready for your first day of high school?" Joyce asked her.

"I would be if I was actually attending high school."

Joyce sighed. "Let's go." She headed toward the back door.

Dawn picked up her bookbag and followed her. "Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your mom drop you off at school?"

"Fine. Feel free to wake up early to get picked up by the school bus and spend more time than necessary heading to school along with a bunch of loud kids."

Dawn considered that. "Maybe the mom-mobile isn't so bad."

Dawn went from one class to another throughout the school day. She hadn't made any friends. No one was interested in talking with her.

In art class, her final class of the day, Dawn was sitting and not paying much attention as the students stood up one at a time and introduced themselves.

A girl with short blonde hair stood up. "I'm Sharon Rockford. I have an older brother. I like to dance. Um...let's see..." She paused. "Oh, my brother knew a girl that died when she choked on her boyfriend's tongue."

The class - including Dawn - laughed.

The art teacher, Ms. Matza, who had shoulder-length reddish-brown hair, smiled awkwardly. "Um, thank you, Sharon."

Sharon sat down.

A short girl with short black hair stood up. "Hi, my name's Melinda Mason. I'm an only child. I like playing computer games." She paused for a moment, then awkwardly sat back down.

A girl with shoulder-length brown hair stood up. "I'm Janice Penshaw. I'm an only child. My parents are divorced. I live with my mom. I like boys and partying." She sat down.

A girl with long brown hair stood up. "Um...I'm Amanda Hagan. I'm an only child. I like performing in swing choir and playing Dungeons & Dragons." She quickly sat back down.

A girl with long blonde hair stood up. "I'm Kirstie Garner. I have an annoying little brother. I meet every challenge and excel at everything that I set out to do. I'm currently reading Anals of History."

The class - including Dawn - laughed.

Ms. Matza cleared her throat. "Thank you, Kirstie. Next?"

"Vote for me for class president!" Kirstie sat down.

A black girl with shoulder-length black hair stood up. "Hey, I'm Lisa Kelly. I like playing Checkers and reading novels." She sat down.

There was silence for a while.

"You wanna say anything?" Ms. Matza asked Dawn.

"Huh? Oh." Dawn stood up. "I'm Dawn Summers. I'm from L.A.; I just moved here...not by choice. My parents are divorced. I live with my mom and older sister, except she just started college and moved back into her dorm at UC Sunnydale. Not my mom, my older sister. My mom owns a gallery for, like, old stuff. Uh, I love to dance. I like music. I love Britney Spears. I'm into finger painting and macaroni art." She quickly sat back down.

"Thank you, Dawn. All right, today, we'll do an overview of the various art styles..."

Dawn tried to avoid making eye contact with anyone, but she noticed some of the girls smiling at her.

After class, Dawn stopped at her locker.

Sharon stopped at her own locker, which was near Dawn's, and opened it. "So...you like Britney, huh?"

"Yuh-huh." Dawn opened her locker and took out a couple books. "Is what you said true? About that girl that died?"

Sharon shrugged. "So my brother claims." She closed her locker.

Dawn closed her locker. The two of them started walking toward the front entrance.

"Move it, weirdo!" Kirstie yelled.

Dawn and Sharon stopped and looked. Kirstie was trying to get around Amanda, who was tripping and stumbling through the hallway.

Amanda suddenly turned on Kirstie, enraged, and let out a primal scream. Kirstie backed away in fright.

"Do not fuck with me!" Amanda yelled. "I will fucking end you!"

"Fucking freak!" Kirstie turned and ran away.

"O...kaaay." Dawn resumed walking.

Sharon resumed walking. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, okay. See ya." Dawn walked outside.

Joyce was waiting in the Jeep nearby. Dawn walked over, opened the passenger door, got in, and closed and locked the door.

Joyce smiled. "So how was your first day?"

Dawn shrugged and smiled. "Not too bad, actually. I made some friends."

That night, Buffy and Tara were sitting on the floor in their dorm room, watching TV - except Buffy wasn't; she had a World History book in her lap and was studying it. Miss Kitty Fantastico was laying on Tara's lap, and Tara was rubbing her tummy. On the TV, one Asian guy screamed, and a bunch of other Asian guys performed kung fu on each other.

Tara laughed, then noticed Buffy wasn't paying attention. "Hey, sweetie, how's that book?"

"I'm fine."

Tara leaned over and placed her palms on the book pages.

"Heyyy. I'm enjoying the studying."

"Who are you lately? Give it up and watch the movie."

"I guess it has been a long day with the Crusades. I can take a little break from the violence for some-" Buffy looked up at the TV. "Ooh, fighting."

"Incompetently-dubbed kung fu. Our most valuable Chinese import." Tara rubbed Buffy's shoulders. "Just relax."

Buffy smiled. "Mm...mm. That feels good."

On the screen, the fighting continued.

Buffy frowned. "Oh, give me a break! This is all wrong. See, first, you would get the big guy with a flying kick. Then you would take out all the little ones, bam, ba-see, now with the flying kick. From a dead stop! What's powering it, raw enthusiasm?"

Tara laughed. "Hey, Buff, maybe you oughta leave the work behind sometimes. You're not always on Slayer duty, you know."

"I mean, you know, you can't blame me for being critical. You're the same way when we watch a-a movie about witches. You're all like 'What's that, a cauldron? Who uses a cauldron anymore?'"

Tara laughed. "Okay, you have a point."

The next day, at the Hyperion, Cordelia was dusting by the stairs. "Oh, this place is never gonna get clean."

Wesley was behind the receiving desk. "Buck up. It's just a little dust."

"This isn't mere dust. This is 'son of dust'. This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust." Cordelia stopped dusting. "I give up."

"Very well. We'll just move our offices back to your living room."

Cordelia started dusting again. "And I'm dusting."

The front door opened.

Gunn walked into the lobby. "Where's Angel?"

Cordelia frowned at him. "I believe the word is 'Hello'?"

"Yeah? 'Cause I thought 'Where is Angel?' summed it up. We got work to do."

"He's still sleeping."

"Sleeping? It's 3:30 in the afternoon. I've been up since dawn!"

Cordelia walked to stand next to Wesley. "Sort of missing the whole 'creature of the night' angle, isn't he?"

"I knew I said four o'clock."

"You had an appointment?" Wesley asked him.

"He didn't brief you?" Gunn sighed. "Angel promised to back me up. We're meeting a snitch downtown. This guy has a line on Deevak."

"Deevak?" Wesley asked.

"Demon. He set up camp in my neighborhood. He put two of my men in the hospital last night. So could one of you go in there and knock on his coffin?"

Cordelia frowned. "He doesn't use a coffin. And maybe you've never heard the expression, 'let sleeping vampires lie'? He'll rise on his own. He always does. Maybe we can help?"

"You two? I find Deevak, I'm gonna need more than C3PO and Stick Figure Barbie backing me up. No offense."

Wesley frowned. "Very little taken."

"Deevak is a badass. I'm gonna need the serious muscle."

The door opened.

David Nabbit stepped in, wearing his blue silk cape and swinging a sword. "Demons of the underworld beware: your time on the surface is drawing nigh!"

Cordelia smiled. "David, hi!"

Nabbit ran up to them. "I got here as quick as I could."

Cordelia stared at him. "We paged you two days ago."

"I was in Kuala Lumpur. Hostile takeover." Nabbit whipped his sword up at Gunn. "Ah, identify yourself, traveler. Are you also a fellow demon killer?"

Gunn batted the sword away. "Who is this guy?"

Wesley gestured. "David Nabbit, meet Charles Gunn. Gunn, Nabbit."

"Ha, pleasure's all mine." Nabbit offered his hand.

Gunn stared at him.

Nabbit lowered his hand and looked at Cordelia. "So,...where is Angel?"

"Actually, he's still kind of sleeping."

"At 3:30? I've been up since dawn!"

Angel came down the stairs. "Sorry I'm late."

Nabbit picked up his sword. "Ah! I stand ready to fight the good fight, sir! What do you need?"

"Financial advice."

Nabbit blinked. "Okay. Good."

"We're making this hotel our new base of operations. Right now, we're leasing it for six months with an option to buy."

"And how much are you willing to put down?"

Cordelia smiled. "Nothing...would be good."

Nabbit shrugged. "Oh. That's easy. You could look into seller financing, take over the owner's payments, and skip the bank completely, or you could make a play for a preservation grant. Offer to restore the original décor and get the city and the feds to give you a tax break and a loan at a sweetheart rate. Or you could apply for an FHA and get a PMI in lieu of a down payment."

"Is anybody else getting warm?" Cordelia asked.

Nabbit looked at her.

"Do that 'tax breaks', FHA, and PMI part again."

Nabbit looked from Cordelia to Angel and back a couple times. "I-I'll have my money guy run up some numbers for you."

"Thanks."

Nabbit nodded, then ran up the stairs to the doors. He stopped and turned with a big smile on his face. "Is this demon-fighting cool or what, huh?" He left.

Angel went to pour himself a cup of coffee.

Gunn looked at him. "What are you doing, man? We need to move on this."

"Relax. We'll make it."

"Relax? Every time you ask me for a favor, I'm right there. First time I need your help, you snoozing the afternoon away. What's up with that?"

Angel handed Cordelia his car keys. "Cordy, you're driving."

"Me? Drive your car?" Cordelia asked in surprise.

Angel nodded.

Cordelia grinned. "So cool."

"Wesley, we're gonna need some bribe money, some cash in the box."

"Hey, wait a minute."

Angel looked at Gunn. "I thought you wanna move on this?"

"Which is why we're not taking these two. They'll slow us up."

Angel grabbed his coat. "We go up against Deevak, we're gonna need the entire team." He looked at Cordelia. "Pick me up in the back, in the shade."

Gunn stood there, shaking his head, as Angel walked out the back and Cordelia and Wesley headed for the front doors.

Wesley smiled. "Shotgun."

At the Magic Box, Giles was surrounded by boxes, looking at one. "'Miscellaneous curses'." He laughed and picked up something from the box. "Brilliant. Be lucky if I don't curse my hands off at the wrist."

He picked up the box, turned, and was confronted by a demon.

"Oh!" Giles exclaimed.

The demon raised his stick. "The Slayer is not here."

Giles grabbed something out of the box and held it up toward the demon. "Rabbit's foot, no, wait..." He tossed it aside and looked in the box for something else.

The demon brushed the box out of Giles' hands. Giles gasped and held up a wooden statue about 1.5 feet high.

"That is a fertility god."

Giles looked at it in dismay.

"Feeble man, you are not going to distract me-"

Giles hit him in the head with the statue. He reeled backward. Giles hit him with the statue a few more times, then the demon shoved Giles, and he fell into a pile of boxes.

The demon pointed the stick at Giles. "You are not the Slayer."

Giles rolled over and looked up at him.

"You do not concern me." The demon turned and walked out, his black cape flowing behind him.

Giles watched, stunned, then let his head drop back onto the floor with a groan.

Cordelia pulled Angel's car up in a parking garage, and Cordelia and Wesley got out, followed by Angel and Gunn.

Gunn looked around. "We're too late. He split."

Cordelia smiled sarcastically. "Maybe he heard what a pleasant person you were to be around."

Angel looked around. "There."

A short black kid slowly peeked out from behind a van. "One of you Gunn?"

"That's me. You Jameel?"

Jameel came out from behind the van. Angel threw an envelope at him, and he caught it.

"Here's the money."

Jameel threw it at Gunn's feet. "Keep it. I changed my mind."

Gunn picked up the money. "You don't want this, your choice. But you're gonna tell me where to find Deevak."

"Hey, man, the only reason why I showed is 'cause I know you got a rep, and I ain't looking to make no new enemies. But on this Deevak situation, I just can't help you. He'll know it was me. Demon's got eyes and ears all over the place, not to mention teeth! There's a good chance that he had some vamps tail me over."

Gunn looked around. "I don't see none."

"Good. I'm just here to pay my respects and be off the streets before sundown like my momma taught me."

"You want to make it home at all, you're gonna start telling me what you know."

"Look, man, I'm sorry. But Deevak scares me a lot more than you do."

Gunn handed the envelope to Angel, then whipped around and knocked Jameel down.

"Gunn!" Cordelia yelled.

"Hey!" Angel yelled.

Gunn kicked the fallen Jameel. "Are you scared of me now?"

Angel stepped between them. "What are you doing?"

"What I got to do. I got people dying!"

"Man, I didn't do anything!" Jameel yelled.

Gunn pushed past Angel and pulled Jameel up. "You think I care? Survival of the fittest, bro. And right now, you ain't looking too fit." Gunn pulled his fist back to hit a cowering Jameel.

Angel caught it. "Easy."

"Let go, man. This is my case."

"It was. Now, it's mine."

They stared at each other, then a door opened, and three vampires rushed in.

"Angel!" Wesley yelled.

"Oh, man. See, I told you I was being watched!" Jameel pulled himself free and ran away.

The others turned to confront the vampires. The three guys took one vampire each while Cordelia danced around with stake in hand, swinging at the backs of the fighting vampires. On her second try, she staked Wesley's vampire just as it was about to jump on a downed Wesley, then gave him a hand up. Angel and Gunn continued to fight their vampires, both doing about equally well. Cordelia staked the two vampires.

The four heroes sat down, leaning back against Angel's car.

Cordelia sighed. "I'm so sick of this shit."

Angel tried lifting his arm. "I can't lift my arm all the way."

Gunn winced. "That vamp did a number on my ribs."

Wesley groaned. "I'm afraid I threw my back out again." He pulled a smashed pager out of his back pocket. "Ack, lovely!" He dropped it.

Cordelia noticed something. "Ack! Grease stains! All over my new outfit."

Angel and Gunn looked at her.

"Okay, so maybe my pain isn't physical, but do you have any idea of the dry cleaning bill I'm looking at?"

Gunn sighed. "We're still no closer to finding Deevak."

"Probably for the best."

"How you figure?" Gunn asked Wesley.

"Well, we're hardly prepared to face a demon of Deevak's caliber in our current condition."

"You ready to pack it in? Only reason I called you was because you all supposed to be the demon experts."

Angel looked at them. "Wesley's right. Three vamps, we should have been able to take them all a lot easier and faster than we did. We need to regroup."

Gunn got up. "Maybe the rest of you need a little down time. I'm gonna track down Jameel and make him talk."

"When you do find him, you may wanna be a little more Guy Pierce in L.A. Confidential and less Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs?" Cordelia suggested.

"I haven't bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed at the Oscars for Malcolm X. Later." Gunn left.

"That was quite a performance."

Cordelia looked at Wesley. "I know! Talk about being wound up too tight."

"No. I-I mean Denzel."

"Oh. Well, he is always great."

"What about you?" Wesley asked Angel.

"Who doesn't love Denzel?"

"No! I mean...what you said before. It's true. I've never seen you have so much trouble with a simple vampire before."

"Off day. Let's go."

Giles stood, holding the statue, making hitting motions. "Like this...and this...and this..." He moved across the magic shop floor.

Buffy and Tara sat on the floor with books in their laps.

Buffy frowned. "That thing's pretty heavy."

Tara looked at her. "That's Carmenta, goddess of childbirth. She's got some nice heft to her."

"How badly did you hurt him?" Buffy asked Giles.

"Well, hurt, uh...maybe not...hurt."

Tara smiled in encouragement. "Well, I-I'm sure he was startled."

"Uh, yes, yes, I'd imagine it gave him, uh, rather a turn."

Buffy grinned. "He ran away, huh?"

"Um, sort of more...uh...turned and swept out majestically, I suppose. He said I didn't concern him."

"So a mythic triumph over a completely indifferent foe?" Buffy surmised.

Giles felt insulted. "Well, I'm not dead or unconscious, so I say bravo for me."

Tara held up a book. "Some good demons in this one. See if your guy's in here."

Giles walked over to take the book, then sat down at the table.

Buffy smiled. "So you bought the magic shop, and you were attacked before it opened."

Tara stood up and hefted the statue. "Owning this place does seem kinda dangerous." She took a few experimental swings.

Giles looked up from the book. "Toth."

"What?" Tara asked, confused.

Buffy looked at her. "He called you a toth. It's a British expression. It means, like, moron."

"No, Toth is the name of the demon." Giles saw Tara swinging the statue. "Be careful with that."

Tara put the statue down carefully.

"Ancient demon. Very strong. Last survivor of the Tothric clan. It also says that, for a demon, he's unusually sophisticated."

"Sophisticated. So I should discuss men's fashions with him before I chop his head off?" Buffy asked.

Giles felt exasperated. "They're referring to the fact that he does not fight bare-handed. He uses tools, devices. Oh, he's also supposed to be very focused. And since he mentioned the Slayer, I think we know what the focus is."

"He mentioned Buffy?" Tara asked.

"Yes, and I believe I know his objective. Um, uh, the rod device; it's called a ferula-gemina. It splits one person in half, distilling personality traits into two separate bodies. As near as I can tell, Toth is attempting to split the Slayer into two different entities."

"Two Buffys?" Buffy asked.

"Yes. One with all the qualities inherent in Buffy Summers and the other one with everything that belongs to the Slayer alone - the, uh, the - the strength, the, uh, speed, the heritage."

"How would that work as far as my soul goes?" Buffy asked him.

"I'm sorry?"

"Well, would it be split in two among the two Buffys, or would only one of the Buffys get it?"

Giles was stumped. "I'm not sure."

"And my brain?" Buffy asked. "Is it duplicated? And which Buffy gets it?"

"I...honestly haven't the slightest idea how that would work."

"Well, let's not find out. I still don't get the original plan. I mean...why do it?" Buffy asked. "The Slayer half would be like Slayer concentrate, pretty unkillable."

"But the two halves can't exist without each other. Kill the weaker Buffy half, and the Slayer half dies."

"Where do we find him?" Tara asked.

Giles consulted the book. "Well, there's no mention of the types of places he might frequent, but..." He closed the book and stood up. "I have an idea." He walked around. "He had a very specific olfactory presence."

"Some demon rituals involve anointing with oils. Was it sort of...sandalwoody?" Tara asked him.

"Um...not even remotely. But he was very, um...distinctive. I believe we'll find him in the city dump. Um, would you ladies like to ride in my new car?" Giles offered.

Buffy stood up. "Thanks, but I gotta stop at the house for some weapons. We'll meet you at the dump."

She and Tara started walking away.

Buffy leaned over to Tara's ear. "Ultimate driving machine, my ass."

Tara giggled.

In her bedroom, at home, Buffy picked up an ax. Tara sat on the bed.

Buffy moved toward the bed, where she put the ax in a bag with some other weapons. "Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z. From ax to...zee other ax."

Tara was tense.

Buffy walked over to her. "Relax. Another day, another demon."

"Right. It'll be okay."

"Hey." Buffy leaned down to kiss her.

Their lips met, their tongues clashed, and the kiss went on for quite a while. Then they heard choking, gagging noises. Dawn was standing in the doorway, pretending to gag. Buffy and Tara stopped smooching, annoyed.

"My friend Sharon's older brother knows a girl who died, because she choked on her boyfriend's tongue."

Buffy stared at her. "Well, fortunately for me, I don't have a boyfriend. Go away, Dawn."

Tara was amused.

"I'm not in your room. I'm in the hallway. The hallway doesn't belong to you."

Joyce came out of the room across the hall.

Buffy moved toward the door. "Get out of here."

"Mom, I can stand in the hallway, right?" Dawn asked.

"She's watching us like a big freak!" Buffy yelled.

Joyce sighed, then put a hand to her forehead. "This must be my 'two teenage girls in the house' headache. I thought it felt familiar."

"Good work, Dawn. You gave her a headache."

"I did not! Did I give you a headache, Mom? I'm sure part of it is Buffy's."

"But part of it is Dawn's."

"It's so nice you've learned to share. You girls sort this out yourselves. It's good for you." Joyce walked away.

Buffy was annoyed.

Dawn smiled smugly. "She didn't say I couldn't stand here."

Buffy smiled smugly. "Hmm." She shut the door in Dawn's face.

"Ow!" Dawn yelled.

Cordelia pulled up to the Hyperion with Angel beside her in the convertible. "Home sweet hotel."

"Just bring the car back tomorrow."

"You sure you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need to get some sleep." Angel got out.

"That seems to be all you've been doing lately. Not that I'm judging!"

"Good night."

"Sleep tight!" Cordelia looked away from him in concern. "Don't let the bed bugs bite."

Buffy and Tara walked through the city dump cautiously.

Buffy carried her large ax. "The city dump. Where smells go to relax and be themselves."

"People say they're recycling." Tara shook her head. "They're not recycling."

Buffy patted her on the shoulder.

They turned a corner and saw Toth standing there. He pointed his stick at them. Fire flashed out of it, and they ducked just in time.

"Take cover!" Tara yelled.

Toth fired again.

"Watch out!" Tara tackled Buffy to the ground.

The blast hit a pile of trash.

"I will not miss again, Slayer." Toth raised his rod.

Buffy and Tara dove away in opposite directions. Toth fired at Buffy and missed. Tara jumped on Toth from behind, making him drop the rod. He threw Tara off. Tara punched him a few times, then Toth head-butted her and flung her aside. Buffy came up and kicked Toth a few times, then punched him a few times, then he picked her up and body-slammed her. She kicked up as he approached, catching him on the chin. She got up, landed a few more kicks and punches, and Toth went down.

"Sword!" Buffy yelled.

Tara grabbed the sword from the bag of weapons and threw it to her. She caught it and stabbed Toth. He screamed and died. Buffy stood up, panting.

Giles ran up to them, holding a sword. "Where is he-" He looked at the body. "Oh."

Buffy and Tara looked at each other and smiled.

Cordelia walked into her living room, carrying a book and a cup of Earl Grey tea. "Jesus, Dennis, it's like a meat locker in here. Don't tell me you turned down the thermostat again."

The thermostat moved from 50 to 75.

Cordelia curled up in a chair. "Thank you. What is it with ghosts and cold rooms?"

She got hit by a vision.

"Oh, what...Oh, no!"

She got hit by the second part of it; she saw a blurry image of Gunn fighting something that she couldn't see.

Cordelia dropped to the floor and held up one hand. "Dennis, phone!"

The cordless phone flew into her hand.

After trying the Hyperion and getting no response from Angel, she tried Wesley.

Cordelia paced. "Wesley? Where are you? Are you there? Wesley? Ugh! Where are you guys? God. I don't know what I should do. I had a vision. It's Gunn. He's in trouble. I-I think it's bad. Oh, God, where are you guys? I don't know what to..." She came to a decision. "Okay, I'm going over there. When you get this message, get Angel and meet me at Gunn's, okay?" She hung up the phone, grabbed her purse, headed for the door, then stopped. "I need a weapon." She took an ax out of the closet and shoved it in her purse. "Okay. I'm gonna die." She headed for the door. "I'm gonna die."

Cordelia pulled Angel's convertible up in front of Gunn's place. Cordelia jumped out and ran in.

Ax in hand, Cordelia headed down a dimly-lit corridor. "Gunn?"

She heard the sound of weapons clashing coming from the laundry room. She saw Gunn fighting someone with quarterstaffs through the window in the door. She ran in and hit the other guy over the head from behind with the ax.

The guy held his head. "Ow!"

Gunn ripped the ax out of Cordelia's hand. "Are you crazy? What the hell are you doing?"

"Saving you from a killer demon!" Cordelia yelled.

There was the sound of laughter. Cordelia turned around and saw the rest of Gunn's gang sitting there, watching.

"Not a demon?" Cordelia guessed.

Gunn shook his head.

"I didn't just save your life?"

Cordelia bandaged the head of the guy that she just attacked. "Okay. There you go. Good as new."

"I think you cracked my skull."

"Well, that's new, right?"

Gunn headed towards the door.

"Hey, wait a minute. Where are you going?" Cordelia asked him.

"Walking you to your car. You're going home."

Cordelia picked up her ax and purse and hurried after him. "You know you can't just dismiss me like that. I know what I'm talking about."

"Oh, you mean like you knew Joey was a demon?"

"That was an honest mistake. I was just trying to help you."

"Thanks for the help. Always enhances a guy's rep when some skinny, white beauty queen comes to his rescue - in front of his crew!"

"Whether you wanna believe it or not, you are in big-time danger. I'm vision girl. I saw you. You were at the end of your world, fighting for your life. You were so scared!"

"See, now I know you're tripping, 'cause I don't get scared."

"Well, I do! The things I've seen, sometimes they get downright terrifying. And right now, I am scared for you!"

"Hey, be scared for me all you want, just do it back at your place."

"I'm not leaving your side until I know you're safe."

They stepped out through the front doorway of the building.

"I'm not in the market for a sidekick, so hightail it back on home."

"No."

"Thanks for coming. Buckle up. Drive safe." Gunn paused and looked around. "So where's your car?"

Cordelia froze. "Oh, shit."

Cordelia was sitting in the passenger seat in Gunn's pickup truck. "Angel is not gonna be happy. Do you know what he's gonna do to me when he finds out I let his car get stolen? What are the chances that a vampire has full insurance with a low deductible?"

"I'll find the car."

"And how exactly are you gonna do that?"

"I know a couple of guys in this part of town that jack vintage cars. We'll run down the list until we find Angel's ride."

"And then what? You're just gonna ask them to give it back?"

"I'll say please."

"Ooh! I forgot. You'll use your famous charm. Like you did this afternoon with that pigeon stool."

"It's stool pigeon. And you don't have a clue why I do the things I do!"

"Paging Mr. Rationalization!"

"Paging Ms. About-to-Be-Thrown-Out-of-a-Moving-Vehicle."

"Be as rude as you want. I'm not going anywhere until I know you're safe!"

"Me, rude? You're the one that showed up at my place, attacked my boy, then decided to hijack my life. The way I figure it, I find your car for you, you give me my freedom back."

"That's not the way it works! You need protection!"

"And how exactly do you plan on protecting me? With some weak-ass ladysmith battle ax?"

"Ask Joey and his cracked skull just how weak-ass it is." Cordelia dug in her purse. "Besides, I've also got this!" She held up a red bottle. "Mace!"

"Mace?"

"Little squirt, squirt, right in the eye?"

"You're expecting me to be jumped by a couple of purse-snatching demons?"

"Well, it'll just have to do, because...I'm your protector whether you like it or not."

"Well, something better attack me soon, 'cause I know I can't take much more of this." Gunn turned on the radio.

"Been spending most their lives
Living in the gansta's paradise.
Been spending most their lives
Living in the gansta's paradise.
Keep spending most our lives
Living in the gansta's paradise.
Keep spending most our lives
Living in the gansta's paradise."

Cordelia felt something - a dim memory - but couldn't recall it. She looked at Gunn.

Gunn looked at her, irritated. "What?"

Cordelia stared at him for a moment longer. "Nothing." She looked away.

Gunn and Cordelia walked into a car yard.

Cordelia checked the cars. "It isn't here."

"They wouldn't keep it here on the lot. New acquisitions are in the garage."

"Getting the full makeover, I bet."

A door opened behind them.

A guy came out. "What are you looking for?"

Gunn looked at him. "Plymouth Belvedere convertible."

"Give me a few days. I'll see what I can do."

"Cordelia, meet Henry."

"New to the neighborhood?" Henry asked her.

"Someone stole my friend's car tonight."

"Wasn't me. Convertible, you said?" Henry asked Gunn.

"Yeah."

"Desmond's your man. He can't pass up old convertibles. You should talk to him."

Gunn looked at Cordelia. "Come on."

"You won't find him at his shop. Tito's having a party. Everyone's invited. Desmond'll be there."

"Where'd you jack these cars from?" Gunn asked Henry.

"Around."

"They look like neighborhood cars to me."

"Oh, I help you out, and now you want to start something."

"Look, I told you: you wanna jack Beemers in Brentwood, be my guest. But leave the neighborhood cars alone."

"Yeah, well, business is business. You should think about minding your own."

"Things don't change, I might have to put you out of business." Gunn stared at him for a moment. "Let's go."

He and Cordelia left.

Gunn and Cordelia approached a house with rap music playing inside. Three guys walked out of the house.

"Gunn. What are you doing here?" one of them asked.

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

The guy looked at his buddies. "I-I'll catch up with you guys later."

They left.

"You're supposed to be cruising the garment district."

"Things were dead down there, man."

"Oh, so you figured you earned yourself a little party?"

"Come on. It's just a little fun."

"No, it's you not obeying orders. We got two men down; you want to make it a third? Get the hell back home. I've got a few things to take care of in here, then you and I are gonna have a little chat. Go!"

He went.

"Jesus, short enough leash, or do you just go all warm and tingly on the whole power-trip thing?" Cordelia asked Gunn.

"Some people need discipline to survive. Now, when we get inside, shut up and stick close to me."

"Hold on there, generalissimo. I'm not one of your toy soldiers you can just boss around!"

"I don't even want you here."

"Too bad! I am here. And I don't take orders. Well, except from Angel, and at least he usually asks nicely. And besides, I don't need you to tell me how to behave at a party. Trust me, I know how to blend!"

Cordelia looked at Gunn. "Okay, not exactly blending. Maybe I just shut up and stick close to you."

"Hey, stranger!" a black girl called.

Gunn looked at her and smiled. "Hey, girl. You're looking good, Veronica."

"I've missed you down at the store lately. Work's so boring when you don't stop by."

"I've just been kind of busy, you know?"

"Who's your friend?"

"Who, me? I'm no friend. I mean I'm just here on business. I'm a working girl." Cordelia realized how that sounded. "That came out wrong. I mean, obviously, I'm not a 'working girl'. Not that I couldn't be if I wanted to; of course, I could." She paused. "God, that sounded stuck-up, didn't it? I didn't mean to imply that I could be a working girl, and you couldn't. Far from it. You'd make a great..." She paused again. "Could you just point me to the hor d'oeuvres?"

"This is Cordelia. We're looking for Desmond. You seen him?" Gunn asked Veronica.

"Oh. He's around here somewhere."

"Cool. Thanks. I'll catch you later."

"You better. I don't want you forgetting about us down here."

"Never."

Cordelia followed Gunn deeper into the house. Gunn greeted some guys on the way.

"Are you friends with, like, every criminal in town?" Cordelia asked Gunn.

"See, there you go, assuming those brothers are criminals."

"Aren't they?"

"You mean like your friend, David Nabbit? You think he became a billionaire by being a good citizen?"

"Actually, he did. He made his first millions developing software that lets blind people surf the Web. Plus, he set up a foundation that donates twenty-billion per year to countless charitable causes."

"Well, you let me know when some of that coin trickles down to these parts. There he is."

"Who? Car-thief guy?"

"One and the same. Desmond!"

"G-man. Can I get you a brew?"

"You can give me the Plymouth you stole from my place tonight."

"What makes you think I'm the guy?"

"Don't play with me, and I won't play with you."

"Hey, I had no idea-"

Gunn turned at the sound of girls screaming. Three vampires were hitting their way through the crowd towards Gunn. Cordelia tried to hit one with her ax, but he just batted her aside. Two vampires held Gunn while the other punched him in the ribs. Cordelia smashed a popcorn bowl on the hitter's head but again just got batted out of the way. Veronica rushed to help Gunn, but a vampire threw her into some glass shelves. She landed on the floor and pulled a piece of glass out of the side of her neck. The other guys at the party started in on the vampires while Cordelia tried to help Veronica.

"What's happening?" Veronica asked.

"Um...you're bleeding. I'm gonna take care of you. Just try to relax, okay?" Cordelia went to get a towel and pressed it against the neck wound. "Okay. Try to sit up, okay? Come on. Easy."

Cordelia helped Veronica to sit up, leaning against the sofa behind her, ignoring the fight still going on.

"Here we go. Okay. You're gonna be okay, okay?" Cordelia looked at the bloody towel. "You're gonna be okay."

The last vampire finally jumped head-first out the window, and Cordelia heard a car squealing away. Gunn turned and saw Cordelia and Veronica.

Cordelia looked at Gunn. "She needs a doctor now!"

Gunn kicked the door to the emergency room open, carrying Veronica, with Cordelia still pressing the towel against her neck.

"She needs a doctor! Where is a doctor?" Gunn asked.

"This way. Dr. Thomas!" a nurse yelled.

"What happened?" Dr. Thomas asked.

They put Veronica on a gurney.

Cordelia looked at Dr. Thomas. "A piece of broken glass went into her neck. She pulled it out before I could stop her. It looked like it may have clipped her artery. I applied pressure to the wound, slowed the bleeding. Her pulse has been weakening. She passed out on the way over here."

"She gonna be all right?" Gunn asked Dr. Thomas.

"Please step outside and let us take care of her."

"Is she gonna be all right?!" Gunn yelled.

"Your friend probably saved her life, but we still got some work to do, so let us do it, please." The doctor put her hand on the towel.

Cordelia took hers away and took a hold of Gunn's arm. "Come on, Gunn, she's in good hands. Gunn."

He let her lead him out, never taking his eyes from Veronica's bloody neck.

Cordelia rolled up her bloodstained sleeves and walked down a hospital corridor, looking for Gunn. She saw him standing alone in a waiting room with his head resting against the wall. He hit the wall and began to pace.

Gunn saw Cordelia. "She almost died."

"But she didn't."

"No thanks to me."

"It's not your fault."

"I let my guard down, and she's the one-" Gunn hit the wall hard. "The vamps was coming after me, not her!"

"Take it easy."

"I can't take it easy. I can never take it easy. Not for one second, all right? The minute I forget that, someone like Alonna pays the price."

"Alonna?"

Gunn looked at her, then shook his head and continued to pace. "Veronica. I can't stop. I can't ever stop."

Cordelia looked at him as Desmond tried to sneak into the elevator in the corridor behind her.

Cordelia pointed a finger at him without turning around. "Don't you move a muscle!" She turned around and went to confront him. "Where...the fuck...is my car?"

Cordelia and Gunn walked into a garage. Angel's car was there.

"There is a god!" Cordelia looked up. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Great. You drive it out of here; I follow you home."

"Just as soon as I find the keys."

"You don't have the keys?"

"Well, I-I kind of left them in the car when I went in to save you. I thought you were in danger. Every second counted."

"You know, I got to tell you: you are one high-maintenance chick."

Cordelia hopped into the car. "The keys are here." She started looking through the car. "Somewhere."

"You are killing me!"

"Can't you...you know...hot-wire it?"

"Just because I know some car thieves don't mean I am one."

"Hey, instead of being high-moral-ground boy, why don't you help me find them?"

Deevak rattled some keys. "Looking for these?"

Cordelia and Gunn looked and saw Deevak and four vampires.

Gunn looked at Cordelia. "Go."

"Not a chance."

"Go!"

"I'm not leaving you!"

"How touching. A woman willing to die with her man."

"Oh, no. He's not my man. He-He's just a friend. And...about the 'willing to die' part-"

"You must be Deevak. They told me you was ugly, but...damn."

"And you're the big bad Gunn."

Gunn stretched his hand back towards Cordelia, but she only batted it away.

"Heard you were looking for me." Deevak grabbed Gunn by the throat and lifted him up.

"Hey!" Cordelia yelled.

"You found me."

Cordelia pulled out her ax and hit Deevak, but he caught her wrist in his other hand.

"How does it feel to finally meet up with someone even nastier than you? Uh, not good by the sound of it."

"Stop it! You're killing him!" Cordelia yelled.

Deevak morphed into Jameel. "Survival of the fittest, bro, and, right now, you're not looking too fit."

Cordelia dug the mace out of her purse and sprayed it in Jameel's eyes. Jameel let go of them.

Cordelia looked at Gunn. "Gunn."

Jameel morphed back into Deevak.

Cordelia stared at him. "Oh, my God."

Cordelia and Gunn got up and backed away as Angel and Wesley, on a motorcycle, came sliding in sideways under the garage door, knocking one of the vampires down. The vampire picked himself back up and grinned as Angel took off the pink helmet. Angel looked at the helmet in his hands, back at the vampire, grinned, and smashed the helmet in its face.

Angel and Wesley fought the vampires. Gunn tried to fight Deevak, but Deevak blocked every punch that he threw. Cordelia tried to hit one of the vampires with her ax but got pinned up against the side of a car by it. She kneed him in the balls and then chopped his head off, then got out of the way of another vampire trying to bash her head in with a crowbar.

"I call this decap with a twist, no sugar." Cordelia chopped his head off.

Deevak attacked Gunn, and Gunn barely managed to avoid the demon's wild swings. One of Deevak's hands connected, knocking Gunn down.

"Cordy, ax!" Angel yelled.

She threw him the ax, and he caught it as he jumped off a car's hood into a summersault, burying the ax in Deevak's forehead on the way down. Deevak dropped next to Gunn. Angel reached out a hand and pulled Gunn to his feet.

Angel was pushing his car out of the garage, then jumped into it, trying to start it by popping the clutch.

Wesley ran out after him. "Angel! Angel, look. I found your keys." He held up the gunked-up keys. "Unfortunately, this substance doesn't appear to be coming off."

Angel looked at it. "What's that?"

"Demon blood...or demon puss...or possibly both." Wesley tried to get Angel to take the keys off the pen that he was holding them up with.

Angel backed away. "Easy. Anyone know how to hot-wire a car?"

Gunn walked up past Cordelia, rubbing his throat. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Well, you finally saved my life. I guess I should say thanks."

"Yes, you should, and no...I didn't."

"What?"

"Deevak wasn't the danger my vision was warning me about."

"He wasn't?"

"No."

"Then what was?"

"I'm looking at it. It's you, Charles. You're the danger."

"Excuse me?"

"It's how you live your life. You don't just face danger, you create it. You're on a self-destruct mission - unless you get some help."

Gunn laughed. "I ain't buying none of this Dionne Warwick shit."

"You know it's true. You need some serious saving. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me."

"Oh, is that right?"

"Well, yeah. Better just plan on having me in your life for a while. At least until you find some peace."

"Could be a while."

"That's okay. Helping people, that's what me and my friends do."

Gunn opened the door to his pickup. "Well, lucky me." He got in.

"Hey. How about that thank you?"

Gunn looked at her, Cordelia raised her eyebrows at him, Gunn gave her a slightly sheepish smile, and Cordelia smiled back. He closed the door and drove off. Angel and Wesley came to stand next to Cordelia.