"I Was Made to Love You"
Based on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Episode "I Was Made to Love You" Written by Jane Espenson and the Angel Episodes "Reprise" and "Epiphany" Written by Tim Minear
Author's note: I feel the structure of this chapter requires a bit of an explanation. Considering most readers know what's coming next, you might be confused regarding how this chapter ends.
Over the past few days, I've had a discussion in r/buffy regarding the continuity between "I Was Made to Love You" and "The Body". I've come to the conclusion that, while the two episodes were initially meant to occur on the same day (same clothing, references by Katrina and April to it being "early" in the former episode), somewhere along the way, someone(s) fucked it up by having the scenes toward the end of "I Was Made to Love You" lit as if they occurred at night, which was then immediately followed by the daylight opening scene of "The Body" tacked on at the end of the episode as an audience hook.
I wouldn't mind fixing that simple error if not for the Angel material. There are numerous references to Friday (including Friday night). Since this chapter would have to end on Buffy material (to lead directly into "The Body"), that would place Dawn in school on a Saturday. So I've decided to move "The Body" to the following week, chronologically. Speaking of chronology, all four of these episodes originally aired in late February, but they're meant to occur in late March or early April, since they're set during spring break.
The following story is copyright © 2024 by Mark Moore.
In the Summers' living room, Joyce was wearing a black evening gown with large flowers on it. She was spinning around. Buffy and Dawn were sitting on the sofa, watching.
"I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again?" Buffy requested.
Joyce spun again. Buffy smiled.
Dawn smiled. "Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more."
Joyce spun again, then smiled at them.
"Now, could you go the other way?" Buffy requested.
Joyce started to spin, then stopped and looked at them. "You're messing with me!"
Dawn laughed.
Buffy smiled. "We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it."
"Was that five or four and a half?" Dawn asked Buffy.
Joyce held out her arms. "So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?"
Dawn smiled. "I like it."
"You sure? I mean it's not too mom-ish?"
"Oh. That was why I liked it."
Joyce looked disappointed.
"You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all."
Joyce looked relieved.
"It's sexy. It screams 'Randy sex kitten, buy me one drink, and I'll'..." Buffy paused. "Oh, wait, that's not really good either."
Dawn shook her head in agreement.
"Oh, God. What time is it?" Joyce asked.
Buffy checked her watch. "4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Now, tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are."
"Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny?" Dawn asked.
She and Buffy exchanged an amused look.
"No! He works for a publishing house. He's a nice, normal guy, okay?" Joyce insisted.
Buffy looked at her in amusement. "I think I've heard of those."
"He came to the gallery...my first day back, when I was, you know, kinda shaky, starting over. And he asked a question about these antique cameos." Joyce sighed. "And I was so lost, because...Carol had been doing the ordering while I was sick. Well, it turned out that he didn't know anything about them either, so we had a lot to talk about."
Dawn smiled. "So what's the plan for tonight?"
Joyce smiled. "Dinner and then a movie." She frowned. "Or maybe it was...a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because...you know, then we could talk about the movie."
Buffy nodded.
"Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and - and then, you know, what's the point of any of it?" Joyce asked.
Dawn shook her head.
"Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think...that it should be one with candles and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic or...sorta let him set the pace?"
Buffy stood up and walked across to the other end of the sofa. "Don't second-guess yourself, Mom. Trust your instincts."
"You sure the dress is okay?" Joyce asked, nervous.
Dawn put on a thoughtful look. "Hmm. Spin again. Really fast this time."
Joyce gave them an amused-scolding look.
Tara and Amy were walking along the UC Sunnydale campus.
A young woman approached. She was wearing a very short, very tight, pink-flowered dress. She had long, straight blonde hair. She walked up to them with a big smile. "Hi."
Amy and Tara looked at each other, then at her.
Amy thought she recognized her. "Hi."
"I'm looking for Warren. Do you know where Warren is? And if you do, could you tell me?"
"Um, I-I don't think we know a Warren." Tara looked at Amy.
Amy shook her head.
"Well, alrighty, no harm in asking. Thanks!" She walked off with a smile.
Tara and Amy watched her go up to a guy sitting on a bench, reading the newspaper.
"Hi, do you know Warren? I need to find him."
"Uh, sorry."
Tara and Amy resumed walking.
That night, in a UC Sunnydale dorm, a party was going on. Gloria was standing by the punch bowl. Buffy and Tara were dancing together. Harmony and Amy were standing together, drinking beer.
"Are you having fun?" Tara asked Buffy.
"You know, I am."
"Where's Trina?" Harmony asked Amy.
Amy scanned the room. "I dunno. She said she'd be here."
The song ended. Buffy and Tara stopped dancing.
"I'm gonna get a beer. You want one?" Tara asked.
"Yes. Thank you."
Tara walked off. Buffy spotted Gloria still standing by the punch bowl, talking to someone. The other person left, and Gloria looked around, looking uncomfortable. Buffy walked over and leaned against a nearby pillar.
Gloria looked around more and noticed Buffy. "Buffy."
"Hey." Buffy walked over to her. "And again with the non-medical clothing."
"Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants."
Buffy just looked at her.
Gloria frowned. "Damn, that sounded so funny in my head."
Buffy laughed a little.
"You having a good time?" Gloria asked.
"Yeah, I am. I was dancing earlier, and, you know, my friends are here, so..." Buffy trailed off. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"I am now."
The woman that Tara and Amy had talked with before entered the room.
Harmony noticed her. "Omigod, is that Britney Spears?"
Amy looked. "I thought it might be her, but then I thought there's no fucking way."
The woman looked around the room. "Warren?"
Katrina was sitting on a lawn chair. Warren came over to her.
"Hi, did you get me a drink?" Katrina asked him.
"We gotta go; she's gonna see me." Warren grabbed Katrina's hand and pulled her up.
"She who? What's up, Warren?"
"It doesn't matter. Come on." He pulled her away.
The woman approached Amy and Harmony, still with her big smile. "I heard that Warren was here. Is Warren here?"
"Um, Warren who?" Harmony asked.
"He's...Warren. And he's looking for me. He lost me." She walked away.
Buffy and Tara approached the other Slayerettes, each holding an open bottle of beer.
The woman went over to some other random people. "Is Warren here?"
"It's that girl again. Is she still looking for Warren?" Tara asked.
Amy and Harmony nodded.
"Weird, it's been like that all day." Tara took a sip of beer.
Amy frowned. "There's something strange about her. She talks funny."
The woman walked over to still more random people. "Have you guys seen Warren?"
Tara felt sorry for her. "I just hope she finds him."
Harmony smiled. "Somehow, I don't think a girl that looks like that's gonna be lonely for too long."
Buffy smiled. "Definitely not."
Buffy grinned and nodded, then noticed Tara, who frowned and folded her arms.
"Oh, not me; I-I was just saying...a pretty girl like that, there's always someone lurking around, looking for some action."
Tara was mollified. Buffy was a little embarrassed and gulped her beer.
The woman was talking to another girl. "Have you seen Warren?"
"No, sorry." The girl walked off.
Buffy walked over to the woman. "Excuse me, who are you?"
"I'm April. I'm looking for my fella."
"April. Uh-huh. Has anyone ever told you that you bear a remarkable resemblance to-"
"Britney Spears. I know. I'm familiar with her entire discography. Would you like to hear a song? Perhaps '...Baby One More Time'? That's Warren's favorite."
"Uh, maybe later. Um...April? You seem a tad...obsessed with finding this Warren. Are you sure he wants to be found?"
"Why wouldn't he?"
"Because...as I said...you're obsessed." Buffy grinned and shrugged. "So..."
April looked angry. She grabbed Buffy by the front of her shirt and lifted her over her head.
"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Buffy yelled.
Everyone in the area was staring at April and Buffy. April threw her through a window, which shattered. Everyone stared.
"Buffy!" Tara yelled.
April and all of the other partygoers watched as Buffy got up, broken glass falling all around her.
Buffy stood outside the dorm and looked in through the now-glassless window. "Fucking hell! You threw me through a window!"
April just looked at her.
"What's that about?" Buffy prodded.
"You do not make those suggestions about my boyfriend. Warren would not abandon me."
April turned away from the window. The onlookers moved back a bit. She began to walk off.
Buffy intercepted her. "Excuse me. Hi. Um, uh, maybe you and I could talk-"
"Do you know my boyfriend?"
"Okay. I think you need to take a second and stop looking for your boyfriend."
April grabbed Buffy by the upper arms and flung her backwards. She flew back several yards and landed on the floor in pain, grabbing her arm.
"I have to find him."
April walked over to where Buffy was sitting up, clutching her arm in pain.
"If I hurt you just now, I'm sorry. And I hope that your boyfriend will take good care of you."
April walked off as Gloria, Harmony, Amy, and Tara rushed over to Buffy. Buffy pouted sadly as she watched April leave.
Gunn was checking the back of Stephanie's head. "I don't see anything."
Wesley was sitting in a wheelchair next to them. "Not a trace."
Cordelia looked at Francine. "When she goes back to school, the other kids will never even notice that there was a third eye growing back there." She patted Stephanie's head. "And this should come back in before you know it."
"What?" Francine asked.
"The hair? The...I meant the hair...that was in...in the back...there. Not the third eye! Because that won't come back." Cordelia looked at Wesley. "Right?"
"No reason it should." Wesley handed Stephanie a sucker. "The curative charm seems to have worked...like a charm, really."
"We can't thank you."
Wesley smiled. "Oh, don't give it another thought."
Gunn smiled. "It's what we do."
Cordelia smiled. "Kind of a mission."
"No, I mean we can't thank you...and we can't pay you either." Francine held up a piece of paper. "This bill is ridiculous."
Cordelia took it. "What do you mean? We didn't even charge you for the mandrake."
"My husband says it's outrageous."
"Does he? And just what would your husband consider to be a fair price for the removal of the third eye from the back of your child's head, Mrs. Sharp?" Wesley asked.
"Well...nothing. Steve says that, since it's impossible to be bitten by a demon and have a...third eye grow in the back of one's head, that obviously you people are running some sort of scam, and you won't squeeze one red cent out of us." Francine grabbed her daughter's hand. "Come on, Stephanie."
"Scam? The back of your kid's head was blinking!" Cordelia exclaimed.
"No, let her go. Clearly, it's easier for the Sharps to cast us as con artists rather than to accept the grim reality that Skilosh spawn nearly hatched full-grown out of their child's skull."
"Gee, wonder why?" Gunn quipped.
"Great. So, while they're indulging their denial, we have bills to pay!" Cordelia exclaimed.
"You know, she's right." Gunn went and grabbed his coat.
"Perhaps, given time, the Sharps will come 'round."
"Right! Because that's what people do. They come 'round."
"Where are you going?" Cordelia asked Gunn.
"I think I'll see what's happening in the neighborhood. Got a feeling I do more good there than sitting around here with you two."
Wesley looked at him. "Things'll pick up. They're bound to."
Cordelia nodded. "Yeah. It's LA. The evil's probably just tied up in traffic or something."
"Well, you let me know when it gets here, right?" Gunn asked.
Angel followed Kate around the police station. "Blood sacrifices, Black Masses, totems. I don't know what it means, but it's happening all over town. I mean...it could be a raising, but, you know...I-I really don't know. I mean the prayers, the rituals, I think they're too generic for that, you know, boilerplate. They could be preparing the way for something."
"Maybe they're just trying to make it rain. Why is this so important to you?" Kate asked.
Angel followed her back to her desk. "Because it's important to them."
"Oh, right! And therefore it must be stopped."
"Kate, look, I need your help. I don't have the resources-"
"My help? You need my help?"
"Yeah." Angel sighed. "At the very least, they're butchering animals without a permit. You can get them on that."
"No, I can't. I can't get them on anything, Angel. I'm on desk duty pending a hearing on Friday."
"Hearing?"
"You remember Atkinson? The captain at the two-three?" Kate asked. "He's blaming me for granting access to some lunatic who broke into his office and beat the ever-holy shit out of him. He's filed a formal complaint."
"He was raising zombie cops and setting them loose on the streets."
Kate laughed. "And I'm sure, once I explain that to Internal Affairs, this will all just go away. And they've just been looking for an excuse..." Kate paused. "And you know what they say about me. I am a cop. That is all I've ever..." She paused. "I can't take a suspension..." She was on the verge of tears. "I would just..."
Angel watched her pace for a moment. "I'm sorry."
"Are you? I think I am done helping you now." Kate walked off.
In a student lounge in the dorm, Buffy was pacing, still holding her arm. The Slayerettes were sitting in various chairs.
Tara looked at Buffy. "Well, at least, she didn't do too much damage."
"So what do you guys think she is?" Buffy asked. "I mean...this may sound nuts, but I kinda got the impression that she was a-"
"Robot."
Buffy looked at Tara in surprise. Everyone else nodded in complete agreement.
Amy nodded. "Oh, yeah, robot."
"Yeah, I was gonna say robot. What do you think she wants?" Buffy asked.
Tara shrugged. "Warren, whoever that is."
Amy looked at Buffy. "It's gotta be the guy that built her."
"Tara, can you track down this guy with only a first name?" Buffy asked.
Tara frowned. "I'm out of practice, but Jenny can, given enough time. I'll e-mail her. She can get a list of the Sunnydale students named Warren tonight, but...then we'll have to call them or go to their dorms, so we probably can't start narrowing it down 'til tomorrow."
Buffy frowned.
Harmony frowned. "She could do a lot of damage by then."
Amy looked at Buffy. "She was looking for this Warren, but it didn't sound like she wanted to hurt him. She said he's her boyfriend."
"Okay. We'll track down Warren tomorrow. Tonight, I better go rescue Giles. He's been watching Dawn while our mom's out on her date, and I have a feeling there's only so much he can take."
Tara smiled. "Oh, Giles and Dawnie? I bet they ended up having a blast."
Angel walked into Cordy's and over to Cordelia. He sat down next to her. "We need to talk."
"Then you should have booked in advance. I don't think we can get you on stage tonight."
"I'm not here to sing."
"Oh, is that what we're calling it now?"
"Something's coming."
"Really? I thought it was just the complimentary nachos bringing in the morally ambiguous crowd."
Angel turned and saw the place was packed with humans in business attire. "Lawyers. You've read them. You've seen it. You know what's coming."
Cordelia sighed. "Yeah..."
"Is it bad?"
"Definitely. It's coming Friday. And it's got all their legal briefs in a twist about it."
"What?"
"Well, every seventy-five years, your friends over at Wolfram & Hart have this review. I think the general angst isn't so much about the review but more about the reviewer."
"What is it?"
"Senior partner."
"I need more information."
"What you need more of is tether. Because you're about at the end of yours. You can't prevent 'it' from passing into our world on Friday."
"What is 'it', and how do I stop it?"
"I don't know, and you don't."
"Can it be killed?"
"Most anything that can manifest in order to move in this dimension can be killed." Cordelia sighed. "Home office. I picked it up from a half-dozen of them tonight."
"What does it mean?"
Cordelia stared at him for a long moment. "Come with me."
Buffy and Giles were standing in the Summers' foyer, by the open door.
"Dear God, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her."
Buffy nodded, grinning. "What'd she make you do?"
"Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance...then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys."
Buffy laughed. "I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but, if it makes you feel any better, my 'fun time Buffy party night' involved a robot throwing me through a window, so if you wanna trade..."
"A robot? Sounds interesting."
"We're gonna work on it in the morning. I mean...unless you wanna stay for a while, and then you and I could-"
Joyce arrived behind Giles, entering the house with a big smile. "Who wants to hear everything?"
"-listen to my mom talk about boys."
"Right, must go. See you tomorrow. Bye, Joyce." Giles quickly left.
"Bye, Rupert." Joyce closed the door behind Giles, turned, and gave Buffy a big smile. "God, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be."
Buffy smiled. "I don't know. I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss."
Joyce smiled and walked past Buffy to put her purse down.
"It all looked pretty tame to me."
"Well, I suppose, by your standards, it could seem pretty..." Joyce paused. "Oh, dear."
"What?"
"I left my bra in his car."
Buffy laughed, surprised and uncomfortable. "Mother!"
"I'm joking."
Buffy sighed. "Good God, that's horrible. Don't do that."
"I left it in the restaurant."
Buffy put her hands over her ears and started running up the stairs. "No more! No more! No more!"
"On the dessert cart!" Joyce yelled up the stairs at her.
"I can't hear you!"
Cordelia and Angel walked down a street. They saw a homeless person pushing a loaded-down shopping cart.
"So what's the big plan, Angel? Destroy the Senior Partners, smash Wolfram & Hart once and for all?" Cordelia asked.
"Something like that."
"Hmmm, now, tell me: just what do you think that would accomplish? In the end, I mean."
"It'll be...the end."
"Well, the end of you, certainly. But I meant in the larger sense."
"In the larger sense, I really don't give a shit."
Cordelia looked at him. "Now, I don't think that's true. Be honest. You got the tiniest bit of shit left to give. Otherwise, you wouldn't be going on this Kamikaze mission. Now, let me see, there was something...in a sacred prophecy, some oblique reference to you. Something you're supposed to prevent. Now, what was that?"
"The apocalypse."
"Yes, the apocalypse, of course. Another one of those. Well, it's true. They do have one scheduled. And I imagine, if you were to prevent it, you would save a great many people. Well, you should do that then. Absolutely. I wasn't thinking." Cordelia paused. "Of course, all those people you save from that apocalypse would then have the next one to look forward to, but, hey, it's always something, isn't it?"
"They're not gonna win."
"Well...no. Of course, they aren't. They have no intention of doing anything so prosaic as 'winning'."
Angel turned his head to look at her. "Then why do they fight?"
"For them, there is no fight. Which is why winning doesn't enter into it. They...go on...no matter what. Their firm has always been here. In one form or another. The Inquisition. The Khmer Rouge. They were there when the very first caveman clubbed his neighbor. See, they're in the hearts and minds of every single living being. And that...sweetie...is what's making things so difficult for you. See, the world doesn't work in spite of evil, Angel. It works with it. It works because of it." Cordelia gestured at their surroundings. "This is the home office."
"This isn't..." Angel paused. "You're wrong."
"I wish to God that I was, but the visions never lie."
They watched as some people started yelling at each other. They saw a prostitute and a potential customer having a verbal disagreement and a woman yelling at a girl. They passed a homeless man with a brown-bagged bottle under his arm.
"You see, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there, why, they wouldn't be people." Cordelia looked at her love. "They'd all be angels."
The next morning, at the Magic Box, Buffy, Tara, Amy, Harmony, and Jenny sat around the table. Giles stood next to it. Jenny was using her laptop computer.
"And you're certain she was a robot?" Giles asked Buffy.
"Absolutely."
Tara nodded. "Well, she practically had 'Genuine Molded Plastic' stamped on her ass."
Buffy smiled.
Amy looked at Jenny. "She was looking for someone named Warren."
Buffy looked at Amy. "Jenny's already checked the Sunnydale enrollment."
"And got nothin'. I found one Warren, but he moved out of the country a year ago. I'm checking nearby schools."
"Is there something the rest of us could be doing?" Giles asked.
"What can we do?" Harmony asked.
"Oh, do you have any books on robots?" Tara asked Giles.
"Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before - no, I'm lying. I haven't got shit; I just like to see Harmony squirm."
Harmony gave him a dirty look and a fake laugh. "Funny."
"Hey! I think I found him. A Warren Mears. He went to Sunnydale High with you guys, and then he went to Caltech. I've got a local address where his folks still live." Jenny wrote it down.
Tara thought for a moment. "He's probably home for spring break."
"Well, I'll go talk to him." Buffy took the paper from Jenny.
"No, no, no, no, no, wait, we don't know what you're walking into." Giles looked behind him and noticed a customer standing by the counter. "Uh, we have no idea what his motive is for building this thing."
"Um...don't you think she's just a sexbot?" Tara asked Giles.
Disturbed, Giles walked off to help the customer. Tara smiled to herself.
Jenny turned her attention back to the computer.
"Why would anyone do that, if they could have a real live person?" Harmony asked.
Tara thought about it. "Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person."
Buffy frowned. "Oh, come on. The guy's just a big wedge of sleaze; don't make excuses for him."
"I'm not; I'm just saying...people get lonely, and maybe having someone around, even someone you made up...maybe it's easier."
Harmony frowned. "But it's so weird. I mean...everyone wants a nice, normal person to share with, but this guy, if he couldn't find that, I guess it's...kinda sad."
At Warren's house, Warren was stuffing piles of clothing into a bag.
Katrina watched. "But we just got here. If you don't wanna be here, why didn't you just stay in Pasadena? Or we could have gone to my sister's."
Warren walked around the room, gathering up more stuff. "Katrina, I don't wanna hear about your sister's place again."
"Why the rush? It's really early."
Warren continued packing in silence.
"Warren. Is something going on you don't want me to see?"
"Katrina, um, let's just go!" Warren grabbed the bag and Katrina's hand.
Katrina pulled her hand away from him. "Don't ever do that again."
Warren walked over to the door. "You need to get me outta here."
Katrina followed him. "No, I need to stop babysitting you and meet up with my actual friends."
"But I don't have my own car."
Katrina folded her arms. "Not my fucking problem."
Warren opened the door to discover Buffy standing on the step with her fist upraised to knock.
Buffy frowned in surprise. "I have to talk to you."
"Buffy?" Katrina asked.
"Hey, Trina. Amy's been trying to get a hold of you."
"Is this about her?" Warren asked Buffy.
"Yes."
"Her who?" Katrina asked. "Warren, something's going on here. Strange girl-"
"Katrina, please be quiet, okay, this is important. Wait in the kitchen."
"You're keeping secrets from me."
"Trina, shut up."
"That's it. Fuck it, Warren. I'm gone." Katrina walked out, past Buffy, and away.
"No, Katrina!"
"No, get the hell away from me!" Katrina yelled back.
"Ahhh..."
Buffy shrugged and walked inside. "My name is Buffy Summers. We were at Sunnydale High together. Do you know who I am?"
"Yes, I know. Um, April, did she hurt someone?"
"Not yet."
"She's looking for me. You know, uh, she followed me here."
"Okay, kind of figured that out."
"No, no, there's more. Uh, there's something you need to know about her."
"I know."
"No, wait, this is important."
"Believe me, I-I worked it out."
"No, this is something, uh, that you can't possibly know."
Buffy folded her arms and nodded to him to continue.
Warren took a deep breath. "She's a robot."
Buffy looked at him, expecting more. "Uh-huh."
At the Magic Box, Dawn and Tara were walking from the back of the store toward the front.
"A robot? Really? What is she like?" Dawn asked.
"She actually looked like Britney Spears...or so I've heard."
Dawn grinned. "Ooh!"
"Buffy's busy tracking down the guy that made her, so I'll drop you off at school, and, if she's not finished, then I'll pick you up as well."
Buffy sat on the sofa while Warren paced.
"So you have girl troubles. They're not talking to you, you're not gettin' dates...you start thinking 'Hey, this isn't fair.'"
"Yeah, I mean I felt like I deserved to have someone. You know, I mean everyone deserves to have someone."
"So, naturally, you turned to manufacturing."
"Kinda."
"And how long did it take to build yourself that little toy?"
"Oh, no, she's not a toy. I mean I know what you're thinking, but she's more than that."
"I'm sure she has many exciting labor-saving attachments."
"No, I made her to love me. I mean she cares about what I care about, and she wants to be with me. She listens to me and supports me. I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend."
"A girlfriend. Are you saying...?" Buffy paused. "Are you in love with her?"
"I really thought I would be. I mean she's perfect. I don't know, I...I guess it was too easy. And predictable. You know, she got boring."
Buffy rolled her eyes.
"She was exactly what I wanted, and I didn't want her." Warren laughed crazily. "I thought I was going crazy."
"Really? You?"
"Then something happened." Warren sat next to her. "Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool. You know, she was always givin' me a hard time, real...unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets, and..." Warren paused, looking at Buffy. "Anyway." He shrugged. "I fell in love with Katrina."
Buffy suspected she was getting a skewed version of the actual story but let it slide. "Swell. Romance and magnetic trains. But first you decided to take April out of the box, play with her for five minutes, and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her, tell her to go away?"
"Kinda."
"And she got mad. She didn't go, huh?"
"Okay, I didn't really dump her as much as I, uh, went out and, uh, didn't come back."
Buffy stared.
"I left her. I...left her in my dorm room."
Buffy got angry. "You left her in your dorm room?!"
"Well, I figured I could just kinda get away until her batteries gave out. Which should have been days ago."
"Did you even tell her?"
"I didn't need to tell her anything. I mean her batteries were supposed to run down. Really, they should be completely dead by now."
"So why aren't they?"
"I don't - I don't know. I mean maybe...uh, she must be recharging them somehow."
"Warren, this is important. Is she dangerous?"
"She's only programmed to be in love."
"Then she's dangerous. Do you have any idea how to find her?"
"Well, she's looking for me, so my guess is she's probably pretty close."
Buffy and Warren were walking along the street.
"April! April, are you there?! If the batteries are still working, and she hears my voice, then...she'll answer."
"She's voice-activated?" Buffy asked.
"Well, I made it so that, if she heard me, and she didn't answer, it causes this kind of feedback."
"Wait, if you call her, and she doesn't answer, it hurts her?"
He looked embarrassed.
Buffy shook her head. "You're one creepy fucking little dweeb, Warren."
"April!"
"Warren!" April yelled.
Buffy and Warren stopped walking.
Warren nodded. "April."
April was standing there in front of them, in a playground. "Where have you been? I couldn't find you."
Warren moved toward April.
"Warren, honey, what's going on? Why did you go away? Is it a game?"
"No. No, this isn't a game."
"Did I do something wrong? I waited a long time, and you never came back. A long time. I made you five sweaters."
"That's great, you could go back and get them. So you could wait there, and-"
"Warren!" Buffy yelled angrily.
He looked back at her.
"You have to tell her. And do it right."
Warren looked nervously at April.
"What is she saying, Warren? What do you need to tell me?"
"April, I made a mistake."
April laughed. "You can't make mistakes."
"No, I did. I thought that I made you everything that I wanted, but it wasn't really what I wanted. I'm sorry, bu-but it's over."
April smiled. "But...I can be whatever you want. I love you. I'll do whatever you want. Would you like a neck rub?" She moved forward, reaching for Warren's neck.
He fended her off. "No, hey, no. See, I-I know that you love me, but the truth is I can't love you."
April frowned.
"I mean it's not your fault, but...I don't love you." Warren's face looked fearful. "I love her!" He quickly moved out of the way.
April growled.
"She growls? You made her so she growls?" Buffy asked Warren in disbelief.
"Well..."
April grabbed Buffy and flung her away. She landed on some grass and got up as April approached. April went over to a see-saw and lifted one end of it. She brought her arm down on the middle of the board, so it snapped in half. Buffy was alarmed. April swung the piece of wood at Buffy, who grabbed it. They grappled. Buffy kicked April in the stomach, and she stumbled back, grabbing the bench to steady herself. Buffy swung the piece of wood, but April got out of the way, and it slammed down on a bench. Buffy swung again and hit April in the stomach, tearing away her dress and exposing machinery in her stomach. April's inner workings sparked. Buffy swung the wood at April again, and April grabbed it, pulled it out of Buffy's hands, tossed it away, and punched Buffy. Buffy flew backward and landed on her back, turned it into a backflip, and got up. She ducked a punch and landed one on April. Buffy and April continued exchanging punches and head-butts. Buffy kicked April, who fell down in the sand next to a swing set. Buffy grabbed the chains holding a swing up and used them to hold her up while she kicked April in the face, then hit her with the swing itself. April grabbed Buffy by the throat and lifted her off the ground as Buffy struggled and gasped for air.
"You took my man. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to..." April paused. "I can't...can't crush! So...tired."
She let go of Buffy, who coughed and gasped.
April stared at her own hand. "Warren? Where are you? What's happening to me?"
Her hand slowly dropped to her side. There was a sound like machinery powering down. Buffy stared.
A little later, Buffy and April were sitting on the swings, side by side. April was leaning against the chain as it was the only thing holding her up.
"Can you cry?" Buffy asked her. "Sometimes, I feel better when I cry. But...there might be rust issues."
"Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry."
Buffy frowned. "Oh."
"I rechecked everything. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girlfriend."
"I'm sure you were."
"I'm only supposed to love him. If I can't do that, what am I for? What do I exist for?"
"I don't know." Buffy shook her head. "It isn't fair. He wasn't fair to you."
April looked around, moving only her eyes. "It's getting dark."
Buffy looked around, too. It looked as sunny as ever.
"It's so early to be dark."
"Yeah."
"What if he comes back, and he can't find me in the dark?" April asked.
"I'm here. I'll make sure that he finds you."
April smiled. "Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently this time, he'll come back. He's going to take me home, and things will be right again. When things are sad...you just have to be patient. Because..." April's speech began to slow. "Because every...cloud has a silver lining. And...when life...gives you lemons...make...lemonade."
"Clouds and lemonade, huh?"
"Yes. And..." April slowed down even further. "And...things are...always...darkest...before..."
She stopped, frozen with a small smile on her face. Her eyes stayed open. Buffy looked at her with a frown, then looked down pensively. Buffy turned away, then turned back, still sitting on the swing next to April.
Kate was sitting before the review board.
A man looked at her. "If you have anything to offer in your defense, Detective Lockley, anything at all, now would be the time."
Kate remained silent.
"For God's sakes, Kate, say something."
"What am I supposed to say, Lieu? They've dredged out every ugly detail of the last year. Spill it out on the table as if nothing had a context, and I'm supposed to explain? I was doing my job."
"Actually what it appears you've been doing, detective, is isolating yourself. You've withdrawn from the stabilizing influence of your fellow officers, developed this morbid fascination for cases of a bizarre and macabre nature, and even you can't seem to give an explanation to why. Now, your father, he was a respected veteran of this department. And you were the one that discovered his body after he was murdered, is that right?" a man asked.
"Yes."
"And the case was never solved?"
"No arrests have ever been made."
A woman looked at Kate. "That must be very frustrating for you."
"I dealt with it."
"Did you? You took no personal time off after his death. You went right back on the job."
"That is none of your business."
A man looked at her. "It becomes our business when it affects performance."
The woman nodded. "It is very important when you suffer a loss of this nature to take the proper time to grieve. So we understand. We want you to know we're not judging you."
"No, you're only firing me."
The man stared at her. "You stopped being a part of the force a long time ago."
"What am I supposed to do?"
The woman didn't look sympathetic. "We will, of course, make available to you psychological counseling at the city's expense as part of your severance."
Kate took a deep breath and let it out. "You people have no idea what the fuck's going on in this city."
"Is this the part where you start to talk about monsters?" the man asked her.
Kate didn't answer.
"We'll need your gun and your badge."
Kate swallowed, opened her briefcase, took her gun and badge from her briefcase, and closed it. She got up and went to lay her gun and badge on the table in front of the man. Kate slowly walked to the door.
"I'm just glad your father's not around to see this."
Kate paused, then opened the door and left the room, closing the door behind her.
Buffy brought April to Katrina's house. Amy was there. Katrina examined April in her bedroom. Amy and Buffy sat on the bed nearby, watching.
"Can you fix her?" Buffy asked Katrina.
"Yeah. Damage isn't extensive. Bit of wiring. And the skin can be shimmed."
"Shimmed? Is that even a real word? Do you have any idea what you're talking about?" Buffy asked her.
"Yeah, I do." Katrina smiled. "Scary, isn't it? I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack."
"And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there." Buffy paused, thoughtful. "And she wasn't crazed."
Katrina was skeptical. "Yeah?"
"She devoted everything to making this one person happy. And then it was like, with him gone, there was just...no reason for her to exist anymore."
"Robots are the strangest people."
"No...people are the strangest people."
Katrina smiled and walked over to them. "Agreed." She looked at Amy, sitting to her right. "I've been thinking. I'm gonna move back home."
"What?" Amy asked. "What about school?"
"I'll transfer to UC Sunnydale."
"But what about Caltech?" Amy asked her.
"I don't feel comfortable on the same campus as Warren."
Buffy nodded. "He claimed to be in love with you."
Katrina laughed despite herself. "Oh, that guy's delusional."
"Are you sure about this, sweetie?" Amy asked Katrina.
Katrina nodded, smiling. "UC Sunnydale's a good school, and, besides, I'd rather be here with you."
Amy smiled and kissed Katrina on the lips. "Are you coming back right away?"
"Well...yes, but it's too late in the semester to transfer. I'm moving back right away, but I'm gonna finish the semester at Caltech, driving back and forth for my classes daily."
Amy was surprised. "That's quite a commitment."
"You're worth it." Katrina kissed Amy on the lips.
Kate walked into her apartment, carrying a box with the stuff from her desk. She put the box down, took off her jacket, and poured herself a stiff drink. She saw the shelves holding her trophies and plaques and went to knock them off while trying to hold back tears. She picked up a photo of her dad and started to cry.
In Montclair, New Jersey, Caridad walked back into the lobby of the building where she had just shot her latest soda commercial. Jodie was waiting for her.
Jodie stood up. "How'd it go?"
Caridad smiled. "Great."
"Listen, I got an offer while you were in your shoot. Kmart. Photo shoot for their circular."
"Cool."
"I turned them down."
"What? Why?"
Jodie opened the door. "Too low. I told them to call back with a better offer."
Caridad walked outside, and Jodie followed.
"Are you sure that was a good idea?" Caridad asked. "There's probably a lot of people that would be willing to do it for whatever they offered."
"Maybe, but I believe you're worth the extra money."
Caridad smiled. "Yeah?"
"Know your own worth, Caridad."
They crossed the street and entered a parking lot.
Jodie's cell phone rang. Caridad walked ahead to Jodie's car and waited.
"Hello?" Jodie paused. "Yes." She paused again. "Yes." She paused again. "That's acceptable." She paused again. "Very good." She paused again. "Have a good day." She ended the call.
Caridad looked at her.
Jodie smiled. "Told ya."
Caridad grinned.
That evening, the phone rang at Angel Investigations.
Cordelia picked it up. "Good evening. Angel Investigations. We help the helpless. How can we help you?"
"It's me."
"What is it, Wesley?"
"It's just...I'm not really feeling that great. Uh, I'm thinking maybe I'm not coming in tomorrow."
"No big deal. It's not like they're beating down the door. No, you should stay home, spend time with Virginia."
Wesley paused. "Yes. Uh, and you. You should get out yourself. You're young, single. It's a Friday night. There must be someone you can call."
"Uh, no, because then I'd actually have to have some friends. I don't."
Wesley swallowed. "That's not true."
Cordelia paused. "You don't count."
"Thank you."
"You know what I mean."
"What about Anne? Faith?"
"Anne's always busy, and Faith's idea of a good time is fighting the undead."
"Things are gonna get better, Cordelia...for all of us. You'll see."
"I'll call you tomorrow. See how you're feeling."
"That'd be nice."
"Good night, Wesley."
"Night."
Cordelia hung up the phone. She stood up, collected her things, and went to shut off the light in the lobby. Cordelia was on her way out the door when the phone rang again.
Cordelia turned back around. "Oh, God damn it, Wesley. Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah, all right?" She picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Ms. Chase?"
"Oh. Mrs. Sharp!"
"We were hoping you were still in the office."
"The back of your daughter's head is still okay, right? Because it's not like we offer a money-back guarantee. But then, you never paid us, did you?"
"I will. I have the money, if you're willing to come and get it."
"You do? Right now?"
"Is that a problem?"
No, that's great! Um, you're on my way home, give or take...thirty miles."
"Do you take a personal check?"
"Personal check, uh...normally not, but - but - but fine. Um, will you give me the address again?"
"6051 Philip Avenue."
Cordelia turned on the desk light and scribbled the address down on the pad laying there. "Uh-huh...okay. Great, I'll see you soon." She hung up the phone.
Kate opened the door to her bathroom cabinet and took out a bottle of pills. She walked into the living room grabbed the nearly-empty bottle of whisky from the coffee table. Kate sat on the floor, opened the bottle, and started taking pills.
Kate pulled the phone down to the floor, picked up the handset, and dialed Angel Investigations. She set the empty bottle of booze next to the phone and the bottle of pills beside it. White pills were spilled out on the floor.
"Hi, you've reached Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless. Leave a message, and we'll get right back to you."
Cordelia's message was followed by a beep.
"You did it, didn't you? You bastard..." Kate was leaning her head back on the seat of a chair, holding the phone so she could speak into it but with the other end resting on top of her forehead instead of against her ear. "You made me trust you. You made me believe. No, it wasn't you." Kate lay back on the floor, knocking over the bottle. "It was me, right? I couldn't take the heat. That's what they're gonna say. Then you're gonna feel all bad...or you won't care. But then - then I won't care either. I won't feel a thing." She abruptly dropped the handset.
Kate began to cough. She was standing in the shower. Angel was holding her under the spray of water.
"All right. Cough. All right. That's it. Come on." Angel held her against him as she coughed, resting his face against the top of her head for a moment.
Kate, dressed in dry clothes but hair still wet, looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, then turned to face Angel, standing behind her in the open doorway.
"Thanks. Now, get out." Kate walked past him.
A taxi pulled up in front of the Sharps' house, and Cordelia got out. Cordelia saw the house was completely dark and stopped on the sidewalk. She looked at the taxi pulling away, then back at the house. The door to the house was partly ajar, and, after some knocking, Cordelia peeked into the house.
"Hello? Mrs. Sharp?" Cordelia inched her way in. "Anybody home? Cordelia Chase here. Um, I hope you haven't gone to bed already. Took me a little longer to get here than I expected. Hope that doesn't mean you changed your mind about paying your bill, which I-I just happened to bring along with me." She paused. "Hello?"
She took a few steps deeper into the house and looked in through the doorway into the kitchen to see the Sharps' bodies laying on the floor there. Cordelia upped a hand to her head as she got a blurry vision of her trying to leave the house but encountering a Skilosh demon instead. Cordelia took a deep breath, got up, and hurried to the door - only to recoil from the sight of a Skilosh demon standing right there, blocking her way.
"That was helpful!" Cordelia yelled.
The Skilosh growled as it jumped at her, knocking her out.
Cordelia, sitting back against the wall in the Sharps' house, slowly came to. Touching the back of her head, she got on all fours.
"Human."
Cordelia let out a startled yell and looked up.
"Destroyer of our spawn."
"Destroyer of your..." Cordelia paused, confused. "Have we met?"
"The others. You will make them come to us."
"Huh? What others?"
"Three are responsible. Three must pay."
"Look, I think you must have me confused with someone else. I haven't destroyed anyone's spawn. Promise."
Two more Skilosh came in and spoke to the first one in Skilosh. As the first Skilosh turned around, Cordelia got to see the back of its head for the first time.
"Hey! You've got a third eye in the back of your head just like that little girl did...before...we...destroyed your spawn."
"We've located the wheel-ed one. Where is the other?"
"Wheel-ed one?"
Wesley and Virginia were sitting in a booth together in Helen's Kitchen. Faith walked over to them.
"And that's the important thing."
"But you couldn't have done it metaphorically? You know, in with a stern word? You had to do it in the actual I'm-standing-up-now-and-popping-six-stitches way?" Virginia asked him.
Faith set a tea tray on the table, lifted the kettle, and began to pour them some tea.
Virginia looked at Faith. "Thanks." She looked at Wesley. "I guess...before all this happened, I never really considered just how dangerous your work was."
"Well, of course, what I do is dangerous. You forgetting how we met? You were strapped to a sacrificial altar while the goddess Yeska was called forth from the nether regions to consume you."
"But I grew up with all that sort of shit. Creepy crawlies and scary monsters, I can handle. But guns? Kind of makes it all a little too real, you know?" Virginia asked.
"The gun was fired by a zombie, if it makes you feel any better."
"You know, strangely, it doesn't." Virginia carefully scooted closer and laid her head on Wesley's chest.
Wesley kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair. Faith picked up a pair of tongs and added a sugar cube to each of their cups.
"Does it always seem like it's a battle worth fighting?" Virginia asked Wesley.
"Some less than others."
"Collectively, I mean. Most people, they don't even acknowledge the evil, let alone try to fight it. And they don't have to wrap themselves in bandages to keep their insides from falling out."
"That's true."
"I don't suppose you'd ever consider...maybe giving it up...for something else?" Virginia asked Wesley.
"Could you be with someone who would?"
"I don't know." Virginia paused. "But sometimes I feel like I should be wrapped in bandages...to keep my insides from falling out."
Faith picked up her tray and walked away.
The Skilosh at the Sharps' house was talking to the two others, and Cordelia made an attempt to back away while its back was turned - only to have it spin around and growl at her.
"I'm guessing 'Hey! Look behind you!' is really not gonna work, is it?"
"Two more have been destroyed."
"What? Oh, no! Wesley, Gunn, you - you killed them? You horrible, ugly, three-eyed-"
"Three must pay."
"Oh! Two of you have been destroyed." Cordelia breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay..." She frowned. "Oh. That's bad..."
The Skilosh stared at her.
"I'm sorry?"
"More must rise."
The other two Skilosh grabbed a hold of Cordelia.
"Oh. Oh, no. Hey! Hey, hey. Wait a second. Guys!"
"More must rise!"
"No, no. No more must rise. Honest."
An ugly, three-pronged tongue started to protrude out of the demon's mouth as he leaned closer to Cordelia. Cordelia suddenly bit down on the demon's tongue. It screamed in pain. She bit its tongue off, then spat it in his face. Then she head-butted it.
Gunn walked into the Hyperion. The light turned on, and Gunn spun around to face Angel, who was holding an ax.
"Gunn! What are you doing here?"
"I was passing by. Saw the lights was on. Besides, I work here." Gunn paused. "I saw you turn off the lights and hiding. What's up with that?"
"There was a demon attack at Wesley's home. I saved him. I thought perhaps I'd been followed."
"Demon attack?"
"Skilosh, I'm afraid."
"As in the back-of-the-head type demon? I thought we got rid of that."
"You did. Which is why I believe you're being targeted for retribution by the tribe."
"Where's Cordy?"
"I don't know. Not here."
"You checked her pad?"
"I stopped by there earlier."
"You enjoying your visit to 1973?" Gunn picked up a memo pad. "I meant her message pad."
"Oh, right. That's a good idea." Angel picked up a pencil. "Oh, here, use this. You can make a rubbing of the impressions she left. See what the last thing was that she wrote."
"Or we could just read the carbon."
Angel dropped the pencil back on the desk. "Or you can do that."
"Directions. Looks like she wrote that down tonight."
"Let's go."
Angel was driving down the road, checking his side mirror from time to time.
Gunn was sitting in the passenger seat. "What is it?"
"I don't know. Nothing, I guess."
A Skilosh demon dropped out of a tree, into the car. Gunn jumped up in his seat and kicked it off. The demon rolled off the back of the car, and Angel swerved the car and stopped in the middle of the road. Angel stared into the side mirror as the Skilosh slowly picked itself back up and was joined by two more of its kind.
"Angel?" Gunn looked back and saw the demons. "We should probably go."
Angel kept staring in the mirror.
"Yo, Angel!"
Angel got out of the car. "You go ahead."
"What?"
"Just go! I'll handle this. If we don't take them out, they'll flank us once we get to the house." Angel pulled the ax out from the back seat. "And then I'll meet you there."
Gunn gave him a look.
"I'll be there. Just get to Cordelia. That's all that matters."
Gunn jumped into the driver's seat. The car peeled out of there.
Gunn ran into the Sharps' house and saw Cordelia, covered in blood, standing in the living room, surrounded by the decapitated bodies of the demons laying on the floor. Various pieces of furniture were broken, and table legs were run through the demons' chests.
Cordelia grinned. "Gunn! Hi! 'Bout time you showed up!"
Gunn smiled. "I came to rescue you."
"I knew you would!"
Angel entered the house and hurried over to her. He looked pretty beaten up and had some blood dripping from his nose, but he was smiling at her.
"Angel..." Cordelia paused. "Hi."
"Hi." Angel paused. "You okay?"
"No."
Angel's smile melted away into worry. "You're not?"
"No. You really hurt my feelings." Cordelia walked away.
Kate and Angel were sitting side by side outside in the garden court of the Hyperion.
"I feel like such an idiot."
"A lot of that going around."
"I just couldn't..." Kate paused. "My whole life has been about being a cop. If I'm not part of the force, it's like nothing I do means anything."
"It doesn't."
"Doesn't what?"
"Mean anything. In the greater scheme or the big picture, nothing we do matters. There's no grand plan, no big win."
"You seem kind of chipper about that."
"Well, I guess I kinda...worked it out. If there is no great, glorious end to all this, if...nothing we do matters,...then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do, now, today. I fought for so long. For redemption, for a reward...finally just to beat the other guy, but...I never got it."
"And now you do?"
"Not all of it. All I wanna do is help. I wanna help, because...I don't think people should suffer...as they do. Because, if there is no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness...is the greatest thing in the world."
"Yikes. Well, I'm pretty much convinced, since I'm alive to be convinced."
"You know you don't have to be a cop to be-"
"I'm okay." Kate paused. "Anyway, I'm not headed towards another pillathon. I'm very grateful. I never thought you'd come for me, but...I got cut a huge break, and I believe...I don't know what I believe, but I...have...faith. I think maybe we're not alone in this."
"Why?"
"Because I never invited you in."
Cordelia was sitting behind the desk. She looked up and saw Angel and Kate walking in. Gunn walked up behind her, and they both stared at Angel standing there.
"I'm sorry."
Cordelia frowned. "I have a bit of bad news. Wesley just called. He quit."
"What?" Angel asked. "Why?"
"True love. He'd rather be in a safe occupation, so Virginia won't worry about him."
Angel was silent for a moment. "I can understand that."
No one said anything for a while.
"I wanna work for you."
Everyone looked at Kate.
"You wanna work for me?" Angel asked her.
"Yeah. I do."
"Why?"
"Because I think I can help." Kate paused. "I might not be able to replace Wesley, but I know these streets, and I'm good at doing research."
Angel gave her a small smile. "You're definitely right about that."
"No."
Everyone turned to look at Cordelia.
"No. No. No! Ahh!" Cordelia reached up to her head as she was hit with a vision. "The usual big scary rising up in a housing project in Topanga, and...why is it that I am not on the floor this time?"
Angel was standing behind her. "I got you."
Cordelia looked back at him and smiled. "Let's go."
Angel, Cordelia, Kate, and Gunn turned to head out the door.