Hey, didn't expect to see me back so soon, huh? Luckily my betas have been available a lot this month, so it allowed us to knock this out without too much of wait!
Surprisingly short chapter all things considered. Then again it feels like a lot of my climax chapters end up shorter than expected. Probably because there's no more buildup, all payoff. Also because I did decide to make the epilogue its own chapter, so there's one more chapter to go after this.
Thanks as always to my wonderful betas oddvector and Darkblaw! You guys are always awesome!
Scale 18: MONOCROW
The day after that particularly terrifying dream, Rindo had been so scared of falling asleep again that night. Not because he feared his love, though he was indeed afraid of his love's unbearable hunger, but because he feared that his love may no longer have been there at all. Rindo had devoured his love in his last dream, in a fit of his own weakness. Yes, his love's tattoos had consumed Rindo anyway, but was his love, himself, still...Or was he…
But the next time he dreamed, his love's arms embraced him from behind immediately, his face buried in the crook of Rindo's neck. The drain had already started.
His love…His love was safe after all. That's all that mattered. Still, terrible guilt boiled in Rindo's chest. "My love…I'm so sorry about last time…"
His love looked at him with curious eyes, head tilting to the side. "Why?"
"Why? B-Because I hurt you again!" said Rindo. "I don't know why I…"
"Because you needed me." He said it so simply, so purely. "Just like I always need you."
Rindo's legs turned rubbery. Was he already that weak from the drain? The only thing that kept him upright was his love's arms.
His love traced slow spirals over Rindo's heart, and that alone was enough to make Rindo's fatigued Soul swirl. "Always." His love's Soul curled around Rindo's while continuing to feed.
A Soul drain and a Soul twister. It was hard enough just to resist one, much less both. Rindo's legs finally gave way.
But his love caught him. Lifted him. Cradled him. Knelt down so Rindo could rest in his lap. "Because I love you."
"But…why do you…?" Rindo's heart burned as his love's palm gently but firmly pressed down on his chest. "When all I've done is…"
His love answered not with words but feelings. Obsessive adoration, profound loneliness, endless hunger…So effortlessly blurring into Rindo's own emotions...
Horribly intense emotions that would drive him to devour his love again if this kept up. No, Rindo had to…
But his love…wanted him to give into it? Wanted to be drained? Wanted to be devoured?
"Why…would you…?"
So they could blend even more. And blend and blend and blend...
He…He didn't…
…And blend and blend and blend…
…But he loved…
…And blend and blend and blend...
…Loved so much…
…And blend and blend and blend…
…Draining his love ravenously…
…And blend and blend and blend…
…But the vortex in his Soul…
…And blend and blend and blend...
…Twisting into a tempest…
…And blend and blend and blend...
…These feelings…
…And blend and blend and blend...
…Whose…
…And blend and blend and blend...
…
…And blend and blend and blend and blend and blend and blend and blend…
Rindo woke disoriented, yet oddly…content? That dream had been...
It had been so nice. None of the terror of being torn limb from limb, or the drawn-out agony of being drained. No, just letting himself fall apart in his love's Soul had been…
…Dangerous. So so dangerous. Even now Rindo struggled to separate his feelings from his love's. Surely Rindo wasn't the one who wanted to consume his love, while also being consumed by his love in turn. Surely Rindo wasn't the one who wanted their Souls to smear together to the point of no return. Surely Rindo wasn't the one who was so eager to let his own identity melt away for the sake of making the lonely hunger stop.
Yet all Rindo wanted to do was go back to sleep, even though he felt quite refreshed for once. Just so he could spend more time talking with his love. Just so he could spend more time blending with his love. Just so his love could finally…
...Better for Rindo to get up. Go do something. Take his mind off it. Not sink in deeper.
The sky outside his window was still dark as a body bag, but he could just faintly make out pink flickering up beyond the city skyline. Day would break soon. And with it, so would the dream, maybe. Hey, Rindo bet Shoka would be down for a crack-of-dawn snack run if he offered to pony up. Or Haruka, or Jazz. Just hearing someone's voice, anyone's voice, that wasn't his love's…
…Even though nothing could be as alluring as his love's voice, no matter what he did, or didn't, say…
He'd sleep more tonight, eventually. No more all-nighters, burning the midnight oil to stave off the frightful dreams. Those didn't really hold off his love for long anyway.
But right now, he needed to stay up. Just long enough for the tempest to die back down into a twister.
IIIIII
Life went on, with or without Rindo. Spring blossoms withered away under the summer heat. Summer…Had it really been a year since…since everything? Funny, a year seemed almost too short of a time period? But all it had taken for his life to change forever was one week. One day even, considering the time travel.
Wake up, go to work, try to avoid napping during work, end up napping anyway, be subjected to both drains and Soul twisters from his love until Rindo could finally force himself to wake back up, go back to work and hope no one noticed his dozing…
The other employees had to have noticed his naps though, right? Why did they tolerate him at this job when he had so much trouble staying awake and being productive? Renzo and Yuzuki and Masaru and Keiko and…
…And when had Rindo learned their names? He barely talked to his fellow employees at all at this job, besides the bare minimum. He probably chatted with the customers more than his coworkers…Mostly because it was too rude to turn down a customer conversation.
Customers brought their own kind of pain. So many singers, trapped in oblivious fervor as their Inner Noise grew around and within their Souls like a fungus. They thought it was so sweet and cute, how his love lived inside of Rindo's dreams and clung to Rindo's Soul at all times. Why, it sounded romantic even! Rindo was so lucky to have such a devoted, loving partner!
…They would know better soon enough. So Rindo stayed silent while nodding politely.
IIIIII
His love would start the blending as soon as Rindo sunk into sleep. And sometimes, on his more feeble nights, Rindo surrendered almost instantly. Letting his love slosh their Souls together for the whole night while they both fed off each other... It made him feel so warm, so at peace, so light, to simply let go of who he was and…
But most nights, Rindo ran and ran and ran while his love chased and chased and chased, almost fully armored in tattoos. But while Rindo was terrified, scrambling for escape, his love's tail wagged happily behind him the whole time. To him, this was just another adventure, just another game.
Sometimes Rindo woke up before his love captured him. Other times Rindo transformed into his own Noise form and fought back until he could wake. But more often than not…
His love easily overtaking him, draining him, crushing him, blending with him, weaving red tattoo strings through Rindo's chest and into his Soul, just to make sure that he and Rindo would always…would never…
Wasn't Rindo supposed to be able to control his dreams now? If anything, it felt like he was getting locked into his love's lucid dreams instead of the other way around…The dream becoming the dreamer, and the dreamer…
But that…that was the only time these days where his love would actually talk to him, instead of barks and whines. He would talk about his freezing emptiness, Rindo's sating warmth, and the all-consuming love that would eventually devour them both. The force of nature that Rindo feared so much. But if Rindo simply let his love eat that fear, the way his love ate his fear during the sync battles, then everything would…
It got harder and harder to understand anything he said the more they blended, though he understood the feelings themselves more clearly…Including the unbearable hunger.
He fed on his love in turn, trying to preserve his sense of self as much as abate the hunger.
Sometimes Rindo tried to ask for a break, just so he could focus on his love's voice for a little longer, just so he could murmur comforting things to his poor starving love, but…
"Just a few more moments…"
"Just a few more minutes…"
"Just a few more hours…"
Whenever Rindo was eventually excavated from such slumbers by his alarm, his head felt so foggy. Though he supposed he was grateful that his love let him return to reality at all. Perhaps he still had a shred of mercy, despite his neverending appetite. Or maybe he simply needed more time to siphon away Rindo's remaining strength before…
Rindo mostly went on autopilot when awake, which was surprisingly easy. The benefits of a simple life, he supposed. He barely felt connected to anything and yet his body knew exactly how to function without him. Knew how to work, tend to the Pale Noise, listen to music neither he or his love had been into before…
…Listening to his new friends. Not just to their joys, but also their worries. Rindo wondered why his friends talked to him about these things at all. He didn't have any groundbreaking advice for these Reaperly growing pains. But maybe that was exactly why they felt comfortable talking to him in particular? He didn't judge, or try to tell them what they should do. He simply listened and showed sympathy. Kinda like his own therapist, now that he thought about it.
…Or maybe they really did view him as a trusted friend? He knew so much about them now: their favorite music, their favorite foods, their least favorite Reaper sports…When had he learned so much about them all?
Haruka feared the dissolution of their old self once again, even though they had lost their previous egos several times now. Mihi wasn't hearing her old partner much now that their Souls were blending more. Jazz…
…Wait, the two of them had made up and had become friends again? When did that happen? Rindo couldn't…Actually, he did remember it, but only sorta?
Yeah, that's right. Jazz didn't want to lose any other relationships, even if she easily bickered with those she disagreed with. That was why she had come to the cafe herself to apologize to him for their argument the other day. Saying that even if she didn't believe in the persistence of the sung, that didn't mean that she could take away that coping mechanism from other people who did believe it, or just needed it in the moment to help process what happened. And he forgave her, gladly, and…
…And why did it feel like Rindo viewed everything through an increasing…filter? Like somehow the more he got involved with his new life, the less he felt attached to it? Almost like someone else within him was dictating these actions. But this wasn't his love's doing. His love didn't care about the outside world at all.
Seeing his life play out before him with less and less of his input…Rindo felt…He didn't know what he felt anymore, honestly. His heart was so sore all the time from his love's unending gnawing that it probably had well-worn teeth grooves in it. His body was so exhausted from lack of sleep that he could see his love's adoring gaze in every heavy blink. Like right now, he could…
Close your eyes. What do you see? That's my world without…
Rindo resurfaced from his brief drowsing. What was his love trying to say? Should Rindo sink into sleep just to…
His Soul…How much did any of Rindo's Soul belong to him anymore? The more time his love had to crumple and contort Rindo's Soul within the coils of his own, the less that he…
All this love and need, desiring and devouring, this never-ending pushing-and-pulling dance between them…
Pain in his heart yet again. his love missing Rindo yet again. Who would probably pull him in for more feeding and blending yet again.
But…But he didn't want to…
Rindo shook his head. What was he thinking? He needed to be there for his love, always. It was the least Rindo could do, after everything. To take care of his love, who wanted Rindo and nothing but Rindo. His love may not have been whole, but that made it all the more important to preserve all that was left.
Rindo just had to preserve himself too.
…Somehow…
He wished it could stop. But if the feeding ever stopped, then that meant that his love might just lose himself completely, and that meant that Rindo had failed him even more and…
…But wouldn't it be nice for both of them to just have peace? To move forward? Surely his love would want that too. He loved Rindo and wanted him to be happy. And wasn't it just part of the singing process to simply…become a new person after a while?
Rindo shoved away that belligerent part of him.
The pressure on his heart only grew worse.
IIIIII
Everyone was worried about Rindo.
Shoka said to take more days off and veg out playing some videogames or something. Ayano said that he should try eating more. Renzo said that business was slow right now, so he would give Rindo shorter shifts in the meantime. Haruka said to carry his partner's strength forward, so he could greet the future with new power. Mihi said to always believe in the partner that would never abandon him, even if they both changed over time. Jazz said that it was okay to hurt, and he could cry whenever he wanted, no matter what anyone else said.
Rindo felt so bad about making them worry all the time. He should have been able to hold himself together better. Their fretting…heh, well none of them could quite fret over him like…
Everyone's troubled words also strangely irritated him sometimes, even though he knew they meant well. Rindo, you should do this. Rindo, you should do that. Rindo, you should sleep more.
Rindo…Rindo…Rindo…He hated that name now, but…
Out of concern for his constant exhaustion, Ayano took him to Kaie to check his Soul.
But everything was normal, according to Kaie's scans. The disparate Soul patterns were integrating smoothly, as was natural for any new singer.
This only horrified Rindo. No, he was trying to save his love, not integrate him further! A full integration would mean…
Was this his love's doing? Was his persistent blending, night after night, starting to permanently mix them together? But how was Rindo supposed to stop it? He could only stay awake for so long.
Kaie said that Rindo should take some time off and get more rest. Ayano agreed.
Rindo couldn't disagree more. But he stayed quiet. Nothing he said mattered anyway.
IIIIII
At some point, Rindo couldn't even run anymore. As soon as he slipped into slumber, he would already be trapped in his love's arms and tattoos and the feeding and blending would begin. But as soon as his love's jaws caught him and his elongated fangs punctured his muscles…
The venom burned like love in his veins. Burned like singing. And eventually, the scorching venom would sizzle away the rest of Rindo's senses, and he would dream within the dream. Dreams of what once was. Dreams of what could have been. Dreams of such sharp focus that they felt more real than reality. Such ordinary dreams of himself and his love just being human. All swaddled in the smothering heat of his poisoned Soul. Only occasionally feeling his love's tattoos and Soul continue to tighten, burrow, seep…
Even if Rindo somehow forced himself to wake up, he would be pulled back down almost immediately. Sometimes he slept well into the afternoon because his love just wouldn't let him leave the bed.
Rindo was pretty sure that he had a life and things he had wanted to do today, but right now he couldn't remember what his body looked like at all. Every attempt to shift into something stable only resulted in his love spinning it apart until once again Rindo couldn't tell the difference between them. Not that Rindo hated the feeling, he kinda loved it even, this perfect warmth and perfect melding, well except it wasn't quite perfect because Rindo could still sorta remember who he was supposed to be, but that was wait wait that was wait wait wait he still wanted to be himself, stop stop don't—no difference—dissolve him completely—no difference—even if this felt so—no difference!—no stop stop no difference no he had to wake up, had to wake up, had to—NoDifferenceNoDifferenceDon'tRemindMeOfTheDifferenceBetween—
Okay, he was up. Geez, had he really slept until dinnertime? Ayano must be so disappointed in him. Right, Shoka. He had to meet Shoka and Jazz at Gyopao for gyoza or Kurukuru Wanko for soba or KURIYA for whatever Mihi loved to eat there. Alright he texted and went over and wow that car was just driving itself, huh? No wait, that must be one of those Noise-driven cars or something. Noise possessed weird stuff sometimes right? That's probably why the crossing light was a garbled orange mess instead of something actually readable.
So they went into the alley and sat down to read the menus, and man he couldn't read this either. Why did his eyes suck so bad? Wait, hadn't his eyes gotten fixed though? Did his eyes need more fixing? He turned to Shoka to ask where she got those reading glasses from and—
And he got that weird feeling that even though he was looking at Shoka, that wasn't who he was actually looking at, even though it looked just like Shoka. No, that wasn't Swallow at all. That was—
He was still dreaming.
Rindo tried to run, but all his love had to do was pull Rindo toward him with the red tattoo strings that connected both of them. He trembled as his love's arms closed around him. How long until his Soul and teeth closed around him again too?
And sure enough, tattoos seeped out from all over his love's skin, some lines binding and transforming his love's body, some lines coiling around Rindo, some lines writhing in the air aimlessly, until Rindo could barely tell what he was looking at anymore.
Could barely tell who he was looking at anymore.
Was…Was this really still his love?
Was this really still…that carefree boy who'd made fun of him for not being able to decide between ramen or curry, the morning before they'd ended up in the Game that had changed everything?
Snarls. But those growls soon simmered down to thoughtful whines. His head rested on top of Rindo's. "Are you…scared of me? When I'm like this?"
Rindo swallowed, shaking. What could he answer that wouldn't get him ripped apart?
Then his love's presence abruptly…vanished? Rindo felt nothing but empty air around him. But the red strings embedded in him were pulled taut? In all directions?
Rindo opened his eyes and saw himself surrounded by five of his love, each with a single red string leading to their hearts.
"Then choose the me that you want the most!" His love's voice was so chipper, so normal even. Even though he didn't see that version of his love anywhere in this crowd.
Choose the love that he wanted the most? Rindo carefully approached. Each of these loves were fully…
No, not human. Not at all. Though they all appeared normal at first, upon closer inspection Rindo saw that each of them was entirely made of finely-entwined tattoo lines.
Rindo started from the left. This love…wanted nothing more than to cuddle and take care of him. No devouring, though Rindo could sense him trying to blend their Souls together. But those attempts were clumsy, almost cute, and certainly not a threat to either of their egos. Though it was a bit of a struggle, Rindo eventually managed to wriggle out of his arms to check out the others, much to that cuddly love's disappointment.
This love…Very protective. He scooped Rindo up in his arms and rocked him, while growling at the cuddly one when he got too close. His agitation only grew as the others also drew closer, until he ran away with Rindo altogether. But the strings connecting them all only allowed him to go so far. When Rindo finally squirmed out of his hold, the protective love anxiously limped after him.
This love…ran away from him. Scared, yet fascinated by Rindo, staring from a distance. Bullied by the other loves for his fear, easily crowding him out whenever he was brave enough to approach. Rindo wanted to hug him, but that might have only made his fright worse. This cowardly love shook even from small pets, though he also smiled. He watched Rindo walk away regretfully.
This love…So bashful. He couldn't meet Rindo's gaze at all, and his face only got redder the closer Rindo got. Trying to sneak glances at Rindo when he wasn't looking, and sometimes being unable to pull away his eyes once he'd been caught. It made him fun to tease. But…there wasn't much else here, was there? Who was left?
This love…seemed more concerned than anything else. He invited Rindo to sit down and placed a hand on Rindo's back, telling him that it would be okay, over and over. This gentle care was comforting in its own way. Simple, even nostalgic...
So many different loves…
Rindo could feel them all stare at him expectantly.
Out of all these loves…
All these strings tugging on his heart…
How could he choose just one love? He loved all of them! Even…even the one that he feared the most, who must be watching from somewhere.
Somewhere…The blue lights in their eyes, the tattoos making up their otherwise human forms…He was watching from all of them, wasn't he? Right, because in the end, he was…
"You love all of us?" Rindo didn't know which one spoke, but it didn't matter. "Aww, we love all of you too!"
"...All of me?" asked Rindo. "Even though I'm always failing you?"
"Yup! All of you. Here, let me prove it."
The red strings yanked tightly on Rindo from all directions.
"W-Wait, what are you—"
"Making sure that you get all the love and attention you deserve!"
Body, heart, mind. Stretching, fraying, ripping. Trying to keep his chest clutched together as he tried to snap unbreakable strings. If…If this kept up, he'd—
Rindo's Soul tore in five different directions, and his perspective tore along with it. He was being hugged snugly while also being carried while also having his hand clenched fiercely while also having a hand rub his back while also having another hand clutch it. Five bites, five doses of venom.
"You're really not feeling good, are you buddy?"
"Rindo, look out!"
"Ain't no stopping us now!"
A quiet yet intense stare.
"It's okay, buddy, it's okay."
Disorienting. Overwhelming. Exhausting. Especially when they all started draining and blending with those different fragments of him too.
"I won't let anything separate us ever again!"
"I will always keep you safe, no matter what!"
"I-I might not be that brave, but I still love you."
"...You're so beautiful, you know that?"
"...I don't understand what any of this means, but I wouldn't have it any other way."
"See? Every bit of me loves every bit of you."
And Rindo didn't know if he sobbed out of joy or relief or fear or grief or guilt. All he knew was that his own tears might dissolve him long before all the different blendings did.
"Don't cry, buddy. We all love you so much."
All these sensations and emotions running together…
"Wouldn't it be nice, to just let go of all that pain?"
To…let go of…
The teeth…All over…As always…
But…letting go…wouldn't that mean…
But this felt…
The phonecall woke Rindo, barely. Maybe. Assuming this wasn't yet another dream. Maybe his love and all his different faces would be waiting just outside the door for him. Rindo…almost didn't mind the idea. The many loves, each holding a piece of his Soul snug to their chest even now…At least, that's what it felt like…
It was his day off, wasn't it? Right, he had the whole week off for rest. Then who would be calling him today? Probably Shoka, wondering where he was and what he was doing. Well, it was his day off, so if he just wanted to stay in this warm cocoon of covers and patiently wait for his love to take him under again…He could almost feel the warmth and weight of the covers morph into his love holding him close as always…
But, Rindo should check and make sure it wasn't something important. He stayed curled up under the blankets as he checked the text through slow blinks.
…Oh, it was Ayano? Everyone should come down to see the new Shinjuku Souls forming? Huh. Whoa, all work today had been canceled just for this? Just to watch?
That…sure sounded important. A once-in-a-lifetime event. His love would have to wait just a little bit longer to cuddle him more. So Rindo forced himself out of bed.
As expected, his love was not happy about that. Rindo felt not just an impatient weight on his heart, but his whole body. Like his love was leaning against his back the whole time, trying to press him back down to the floor and back down into sleep. So tired…All the time…
Moving was hard too. Like those red strings were still burrowed into his muscles and limiting his movements. Those strings that his love had so painstakingly woven and re-woven into him, night after night.
So hard to focus. Luckily his body knew the way to the Tocho enough to get to the towering double-spiked skyscraper on autopilot. So much of his life was on autopilot when he was awake, even the fun stuff. Like another person was living his life for him. Another person…
When did he become another person? No, he…Rindo still needed to…Needed to protect his love…Which sometimes meant not giving his love what he wanted…Not if he wanted himself and his love to last for all eternity…Instead of simply surrendering and…
Rindo joined his fellow coworkers up the sweeping viewing deck on the forty-fifth floor in the east tower, looked down through the wide glass to the streets crisscrossing like unchecked boxes, and…Oh wow, yeah.
All those aimless wisps of Soul were gathering into small clumps, coiling around each other, weaving together, melting until all the seams vanished. Then, when bonded together perfectly, they began to take the shape of a new person.
A new person…A new existence…
Those Souls slowly solidified and tuned down to the RG, where they walked and talked like they had existed for years instead of only moments. Family and friendships formed in instants. Silent streets now bustling, like there had never been a purifying Inversion in the first place.
Except, of course, there had been, and the people here now were not the people who existed before the Inversion. The whole point of an Inversion was a clean state, with the Souls mixed and rearranged into different patterns, different life. A purification…
None of the Reapers said anything, so Rindo didn't say anything either. It seemed almost sacrilegious to interrupt such an act of creation with petty questions of 'How' and 'Why'. Even his love, though weighing as heavily on him as ever, remained still and silent. Observing the outside world for once.
Rindo couldn't help but wonder if an Inversion had ever happened in Shibuya, or how often. Were he and his love…had they actually lived out fifteen or sixteen or now seventeen years of life? Or had they simply existed one day, memories fully fabricated?
There was no way of knowing, was there? Unless he somehow talked to Shibuya's Composer himself, which seemed pretty unlikely at this point.
If Rindo couldn't prove their existence either way...Then maybe memories didn't matter at all. Maybe the past had never mattered at all. But in the present, now that he was a Reaper, now that he was aware of how easily such things could happen…
Maybe it wasn't earned. but such knowledge, both beautiful and terrifying, made Rindo feel…stronger?
These eviscerated Souls, too weak to manifest into anything significant on their own, braiding together to support each other, and become a new, stronger, better Soul…
Rindo felt a sharp heat piercing his heart. His love.
The sharp heat spread. Burning. Paralyzing.
No, not just his love. His love's venom. Even though Rindo was awake. He…He was awake, right?
Go home.
Wait, had that been…
"I said go home." Oh, that had been someone else. Wasn't sure who. "We've all got the day off, so just relax. Looks like you really need it."
"Oh, okay…" Rindo mumbled.
Teeth, sinking into Rindo's heart. His body moving on its own. Red strings being put to use.
Yes. Go home.
His love…His love was talking to him outside of dreams now…Assuming that this wasn't…
Home. Home home home. Go.
Rindo tottered back home, as his love so keenly insisted. On newly alive streets, in this newly alive city, with all its newly alive citizens passing through him like the ghost he was. None of them mattered anyway, because they weren't…
…His love. Every heartbeat sent out more poison. This giddy fireball in his chest, cloaking his punctured heart in its overwhelming warmth…Rindo hadn't felt it since…
Home. Home. Go home.
Ayano's house. Was this home? Rindo supposed so. Neither Ayano or Shoka were there right now though. An empty home.
Stairs. Up. Bed.
Yeah, of course that's what his love wanted. Blending. What else would he want? Rindo remembered when his love used to enjoy other things too. Fashion, shopping, laughing. Now…
Go. Go. Bed.
Rindo headed up to his room, not bothering to turn on the lights, and closed the door. Then he collapsed onto his mattress, rolling up in the covers for a nice long rest.
Sleep.
His eyes sagged shut.
Dream.
He couldn't see his love, but already he could feel tattoos and heat curl around his skin, tiny teeth gnawing him all over. His love's eager, hopeful whimpering echoed in Rindo's ears. All of his senses being consumed by his love's mere presence.
Blend.
His tangled Soul blurring at the seams. So much desperate hunger. And for a while, that's all that he felt. Feeding while being fed upon...Could Rindo really do nothing for these starvation pangs?
All the teeth bit down at once, and Rindo felt a strong squeeze around his torso. Like his love's own ribcage had snapped open, only to clamp around Rindo. Trying to hold him even closer, trying to…
Trying to crush whatever barriers that were still keeping Rindo Rindo. So that his love's Soul could finally erode away every bone of Rindo's identity and dissolve Rindo once and for all.
…
…Did Rindo…Did Rindo want to…?
Rindo squirmed.
Everything tightened. The fangs sank deeper. More venom.
"No. Melt."
The tattoos and the teeth all over, searing.
"Melt. Melt. Melt."
His own heart, searing.
"MeltMeltMeltMelt."
Rindo really would melt at this rate. "My love…I…"
"…Stay…" His love's voice was suddenly so fragile. "Stay here…Please…" He shivered. "Cold. Void. Scared."
His love's shaking voice cracked Rindo's heart more than the outward pressure did. Was…Was there a fragment of his love left after all, amid all the maddening appetite? Because if there was, and Rindo could help him hold together for even a few more moments…
"Please…"
Rindo could feel his love's form was…changing? Softer, almost smoke-like in texture, though far more viscous and heavy than any vapor could be.
His love buried his face in the crook of Rindo's neck. It made Rindo's skin spark with static. "Scared, scared, scared..."
"I know, my love, I know," murmured Rindo. His body prickled all over, either from numbness or from the Noise static his love seemed to be emanating. "I'm…I'm scared too. I-I'm…" Now he was the one quaking. "I-I-I'm so scared. Of e-everything. A-All the time."
His love whined mournfully as he nuzzled Rindo's cheek in return. More static. "Love…Miss…"
"I miss you too. All the time. And I only miss you more every day." His love…His love…He missed his love so much…And he missed his love all the time because they weren't…
"Stay. Stay. Stay," his love whimpered into his ear. "C-Cold…Keep…L-Love…Warm…"
His love…His love was trying so hard to hold himself together. Even after losing so much of himself. Even as he continued to lose so much of himself, because of the endless hunger. An endless hunger that would prey upon what was left of his love until Rindo…
His love. His beautiful love. Rindo didn't need to see his love to know that he was beautiful. Far more beautiful than any mortal appearance could contain. Not even his original body had done his love justice. Not even his original Soul had done his love justice. A single Soul was far too small and limited to carry such a glorious…
…What had Rindo been doing all this time? This wasn't a fragment of what his love once was, this was…
Rindo could feel his very Soul softening, more freely mixing and curling into his love's. "It's alright, my love, it's alright. I'll stay."
"Stay?" His love's voice was so hopeful.
"Yeah. I'll stay here and keep you warm. Forever. Because I love you more than anything."
Rindo could feel his skin popping and crackling as his love sank into him.
"Love! Love! Love!"
Eager to eat him and encapsulate him completely.
Eaten? No, only taken further within. Wasn't that how Kaie once described Noise consuming someone?
"My love…" Rindo closed his useless eyes. "I'll…become your dreams…if you'll…become my…"
"LoveLoveLoveLoveLove—"
A sunrise or a sunset. Snuggled together in a car with no driver. They had been out shopping, and what a shopping trip it had been! Their whole car was filled to the brim with goodies. In fact, this whole parade of cars behind them was full of stuff just for them.
His love…So eager for more clothes and fashions and more everything that his appearance shifted from second to second. His love, finally free to be whatever he wanted to be at any moment, instead of confined to memories that didn't matter anymore. But his eyes remained as brilliantly blue as ever.
His love…So beautifully cufurreal…
Rindo sat in his love's lap, bundled up in his love's black-and-white coat, tattoo lines coiled around him and pulling him snug to his love's chest. Like the rest of his love, these tattoos weren't bound to a single Noise form now, or even a single body. Free to consume and become whatever they wanted.
Neither of them said anything, but neither of them needed to. Words were just a pointless distraction. Now they just perfectly knew what the other intended right away. Not even the sync had been this instant.
His love's fangs gleamed in his wide smile as he hugged Rindo closer, his tail rapidly thumping against the seat. His love was happy. So happy to have so many things, including his Rindo. Finally.
But he wanted more? More of what? They had bought out every store in Shinjuku. Not that Rindo was complaining. His love could have whatever he wanted.
His love nuzzled Rindo's hair and neck. The canine jaws mounted on his shoulders sank their teeth even further into Rindo's own.
Ah, of course. More of him. But hadn't Rindo already given him everything? What was even left?
Huh? They needed to…grow? So there would be more of both of them? That made sense, actually. The more Soul they consumed, the more they could convert that Soul into more of themselves. Some Noise-flavored food would be a nice supplement to that. Though at some point, to keep growing, they would eventually need…
More whole Souls, not just Noise fragments.
Wait, was Rindo's own Soul not enough for his love? Sure, the very nature of singing meant that it was inevitable, but were they to that point already?
The doors of their car twisted and transfigured into tattoo bird wings, and they started ascending, the trail of cars behind them soon following suit. The city below already looked so small, so insignificant.
Well, it may not be what Rindo wanted to hear, but his love deserved more Souls. His love deserved every single Soul in the world. To be every Soul in the world. His love deserved everything.
…But his love…wouldn't forget about Rindo, would he? Once his love had all the Souls in the world nestled in his own? What if he found a Soul that he liked better than Rindo's?
His love laughed at the very idea. Didn't he remember? They were the same person now. They had been the same person ever since they sang together. So he would never be replaced or forgotten because he was him, see?
Ah. So all the Souls in the world would be theirs to share. He got it now.
Irritation. The tattoos woven through Rindo's heart pulled taut and crumpled his heart into a tight ball.
…N-No? H-had he said something wrong?
His love's hold didn't relax, but his expression grew softer and sadder. He kissed Rindo's cheeks and forehead. He was sorry. His love knew how much Rindo'd been through. How hard he had tried at everything. How many impossible decisions he'd had to make. All by himself. Just for his love.
Rindo rested his cheek against his love's, nodding. Yeah. It had been so awful, being alone. Why had he fought against the blending for so long, when it was all he and his love really wanted? Just because he was…stubborn? Scared? Selfish even?
But now Rindo didn't have to do anything by himself anymore. The barriers were gone. All but one.
One? What could possibly be left? Rindo had—
…Ah. His name. That's all that was separating them at this point.
His love smiled, petting his hair.
Yeah. If he just gave up his name, then he would always be protected, cherished, happy. Just as he had always tried so hard to do for his love.
The sky darkened into the soft, inviting violet of a coming dawn or dusk.
There would be nothing to fear when his love could always keep him safe from literally everything.
Jagged shadows pierced with veins of yellow light…Ah, tattoos weaving into the sky. The world was a nest, just for them. No, an egg. An egg for both of them to melt in.
Now his love could make all the scary decisions for him. No more loneliness, anxiety, guilt…To just relax once and for all and melt into…what?
Did it matter?
…Did it? He couldn't…
He silently watched the tattoos grow higher and higher.
This warmth, this peace, this love…
This was all he needed.
He discarded his name, and all the awful weight attached to it, as the sky was sealed away. Now the only light was the myriad golden veins branched overhead.
He could feel the tattoos roiling underneath the jacket, could feel those tattoos consuming and replacing all the fibers of his muscles, could feel them affectionately pulling apart the wings stored in his back. His Noise becoming nourishment for his love's Noise, the two sets of tattoos twining together. He wondered what marvelous thing his love's tattoos would transform him into, what elaborate patterns his body would become when it was all done.
And now he felt so light, so perfect, so…endless…Had that single word been holding him back so much? He could already feel himself…dissolving? Unweaving? Growing?
He looked up to his love, also shimmering and distorting and unwinding in the dim pulsing light of the golden veins. His…His love…
His love smiled sweetly, even as he changed a little more after each pulse of light. It'll be okay. It'll be wonderful even. And no more names, remember? No more 'they'.
No more…But then what should he…
Don't call me anything but yourself, and I won't call you anything but myself either.
But then how would he tell him that he loved…
His partner, his other half, stayed patiently silent.
…
I love…myself?
…
I love…myself…
…
...And what I'll...
…
…
…
ζ here with another name note! Yuzuki Ushigome (牛米 優月) was intended for a nonbinary café worker. As with the other café workers, their name contains at least one kanji referring to gentleness or comfort. Ushigome (牛米) means 'cow' and 'rice', here referring to their Noise form as well as their enjoyment of working at a café, and Yuzuki (優月) means 'tenderness' and 'moon'. Of the three workers, Yuzuki Ushigome is the oldest and has actually changed their name to reflect their Noise form, while Renzo Amari is younger and thus still has a Player-like name as he navigates how they feel about becoming a Reaper. ζ out!
In various sources across Greek mythology, Cerberus is actually heavily linked with snakes as well as dogs. Almost all of Cerberus's early descriptions include things like a mane of snakes, or a snake tail, or having snakes in the fur or back, being venomous, etc. Some stories also give Cerberus as many as fifty or one hundred heads, not just three.
Though I find Hesiod's account the most interesting. According to him, Cerberus happily greeted whoever entered the underworld, like any dog would. But then consumed anyone who tried to escape.
So I drew off of that to make Fret's chaotic Noise form in the dreams. Or perhaps I should call him "his love" by this point? Hmm.
As for the epilogue, it'll be posted around...right now! That's right, my betas did the final chapter and the epilogue at the same time, so it's a double feature folks! If the epilogue isn't up by the rime you read this, then it should be up very soon!