Chapter 14: To Capture His Gaze
Men create gods in their own image.
—Xenophanes
As I walked out of the council room, I noticed Horikita leaning against the opposite wall. Her eyes met mine as I exited, and she pushed off the wall.
"Ayanokōji-kun, there's something I need to ask you."
"Sorry, would you mind talking while you accompany me to Keyaki Mall? I want to purchase something."
Horikita appeared slightly taken aback at my request, but she hastily schooled her expression. "That's fine with me. It won't take long, anyway."
"Could you lend me private points? 150,000 private points, to be exact."
Taking a right through another corridor, we descended the stairs. Our footsteps echoed throughout the building, and Horikita continuously searched my face for any sign of a response. Soon, we departed the main faculty building. Keyaki Mall was only a few blocks away.
"Why would I do that?"
"Well… I just… here." Horikita showed me the screen of her phone. It showed a conversation between 'Unknown' and Horikita, who had received 100,000 points from student ID 68656C706572. This was the expense that she had used on that day that Kikyō was nearly expelled. I took note of the lone letter in the sea of digits. I noticed that if you translated it to hexadecimal, it would be 'Helper'.
"I want to know who this is, and Chabashira-sensei told me that the information costs 500,000 points."
"I see."
"So… would you be willing to? Aren't you curious about who helped save Kushida-san as well?"
"I don't see why I should do that, though. I don't particularly care about charging you interest because I'm too rich."
Horikita made a noise of disapproval, clicking her tongue. "You're our leading strategist. Do you really mean to not purchase this information?"
"As far as I'm concerned, they're helping us, aren't they?"
"We should know who is helping us to ascertain whether or not they might become a threat in the future," Horikita argued.
"Wow, you sure are paranoid, aren't you?"
Fed up with my remarks, the black-haired girl jabbed my ribs with her elbow. "If you don't stop joking around, I will pull out my compass and stab you right this moment."
"Compass? You use a compass to assault people?" That was scary to imagine. Even I would have difficulty against such an immensely skilled opponent who was wielding such a terrifying weapon of mass destruction.
"I can and will if you keep provoking me." Apparently, Horikita was serious. We rounded the corner and finally entered Keyaki Mall.
"Okay, okay. Sorry about that. But I'm too poor. I don't have enough money to lend you private points."
Horikita glared at me. She seemed desperate to know the owner of the student ID.
"Do you really think that this person has only altruistic intentions? Trusting someone like this… its ridiculous! You're the leader of the Strategy Committee, you can't be that stupid. We need to find out who this is."
"Fine, I'll agree if you owe me five—no, ten favors."
"Huh?" Horikita's intense gaze morphed into a glare, her gradient red eyes narrowing. "What do you mean by that? Do you intend to do lewd, perverted things with my body?"
As a person of the opposite sex, she was probably concerned about me, a boy, who might misuse the favor for… other purposes.
"Nah, Kikyō's hotter."
Horikita had had enough. She briskly reached into her bag and pulled out her compass, and I flinched backward. "Help, help, she's stabbing me!"
My shouts drew the attention of several onlookers, and Horikita glowered at me, grabbing me by the wrist with her other hand and dragging me into an abandoned passageway. She shoved me against the wall.
"You…"
Horikita meant to continue her onslaught, but—
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"
—There was now someone else in the corridor. Horikita relented and stepped away from me.
"Matsushita-san… this isn't what it looks like…" she gritted her teeth in frustration.
"Horikita-san, were you just assaulting Ayanokōji-kun?" Chiaki placed a hand to her mouth, faux-shocked. "How could you do such a thing?"
"You were stalking us, weren't you?" I asked.
"Ehh? Why would you bite the hand of your savior, Ayanokōji-kun?"
I decided to help Horikita instead of Chiaki, out of some sense of pity. Now, the tables had turned on Chiaki.
I had felt her presence from several blocks away, always lingering near the back of my mind. So this was what she did in her free time, huh?
"Is this true, Matsushita-san?" In true Horikita fashion, she now allied with me, her former enemy, in an attempt to take down the brown-haired girl who had been stalking us. The speed at which she could switch sides astounded me.
"N-No, it's not true at all…"
"Well, looks like we have a stalker-chan on our hands. That's your nickname from now on. I'm telling Satō and Mori, of course."
"No!" Chiaki grabbed my hand with both of hers. "Kiyotaka-kun, please don't."
As amusing as this was, there was an end to torture. Besides, I also wanted to purchase some things from a store in Keyaki Mall.
"Fine, I won't."
She breathed a sigh of relief. "I knew you'd come around, Ayanokōji-kun. So, what are you here for?"
"Horikita was pestering me," I ignored the black-haired girl's glare, "I was also planning to go around shopping for a bit."
"If you don't mind, could I accompany you to shopping afterward? Just the two of us?" She was essentially telling Horikita to leave.
"You can do that if you wish. I don't have business with him anymore."
"Then it's fine with me," I agreed. Horikita turned on her heel and left swiftly.
Chiaki and I made our way to Keyaki Electronics.
"Stay outside for just a minute, I'll be back soon."
Chiaki agreed. I wandered around and added a few things to my shopping cart. Later, I located the printer, which, thankfully, was devoid of people using it. A peculiar student wearing a hat and sunglasses walked up to me.
"I trust that everything is going well, Ayanokōji-sama. Here are the items you requested.
He handed me a brown paper bag. After I took a peek inside and confirmed the items were there, I responded.
"I'll forward you the payment now. Don't be so obvious next time you come out. Just wear something normal. Otherwise, you'll jeopardize my grandiose, magnificent plans."
"I-I understand, Ayanokōji-sama." Sotomura hurried off to some other corner of the store, probably to buy some other tech gadgets. Soon later, I purchased the items in my bag and left the store as well.
"You're out, finally. I was waiting for you," Chiaki greeted me.
"It sounds like we're on a date."
The brown-haired girl turned away, the tips of her ears turning red. "You know that's not what I meant."
"Relax, I was just kidding."
"Your jokes aren't funny," she tossed over her shoulder, as we began walking. "By the way, what'd you buy?"
"Just a keyboard cover and some other stuff for my laptop, nothing fancy."
"Always good to protect your laptop."
"Anyway, what did you want to do?"
"Hm?" Chiaki slowed down so that we were now walking side by side. "I was planning to get some boba and then follow you because you wanted to buy some things.
"Boba?"
"Boba tea," she paused. "You can't tell me you've never had it before."
However, my silence was enough of a confession, and she frowned. I couldn't tell whether it was out of displeasure or pity, or both.
"We're going to get you some boba."
Just as she finished that sentence, we arrived at the small stand, which was rather popular. There were several students there, so we had to wait before they took our order.
"Oh, hey, Ayanokōji-kun!" A familiar, pink-haired girl waved at us. She had just obtained her drink, which seemed to consist of some black pearls and milk tea.
"Hello, Ichinose-san!" Chiaki waved back, as Ichinose came over to us in the line. What'd you get?"
"Just some Taro milk tea," she replied easily. "What are you guys planning to get?"
"Kiyotaka-kun here has never had boba before. Can you imagine that?"
Ichinose narrowed her eyes, and then turned to me, her face in shock, as I shook my head, confirming it. Apparently, this was some rite of passing for girls, who acted like boba tea was a substitute for water.
"Order him a large classic!"
"That's exactly what I was thinking," Chiaki high-fived Ichinose.
"You're going to drain my pockets of points," I cried. I was a Class D student!
However, they ignored me.
Ichinose stayed with us even after I had received my drink. She leaned in, whispering loudly.
"What are you two doing here, by the way? Could you two be on a date?"
Chiaki nearly choked on her drink, and she coughed, spluttering. "W-What're you talking about? No, we weren't on a date. In fact, Kiyotaka-kun came here with Horikita-san first."
"Are you two-timing us?" Ichinose sidled up to me, rubbing her shoulder against mine in a teasing manner. "Taking advantage of so many girls, aren't you, Aya-no-kō-ji-kun?" she taunted, accentuating each syllable.
"No, I'm not," she pouted at my nonchalant response, "I'm just here to buy some things from the Keyaki Department Store. She's tagging along because I didn't have the heart to turn her down."
Chiaki clutched her heart comically, falling down and slumping in her seat. "Kiyotaka-kun is so cruel."
Ichinose let out a giggle, which she covered with her hand. "Either way, I'm here to shop for some clothes, so we can all go together!"
After we had finished our drinks and tossed them in the trash, we set out toward the Keyaki Department Store. Ichinose was on my right, and Chiaki was on my left.
However, as we made our way through the small crowd, a clothing shop drew the two girls' attention, and we ended up making a stop there.
It was a medium-sized store, with a few students inside. There was a men's section and a women's section, although most customers seemed to be shopping in the latter section. An employee politely greeted us as we entered.
Ichinose and Chiaki immediately made their way toward the women's section, where they began to scan through outfits.
Not knowing what to do, I simply accompanied them. Here and there, they would ask my opinion, and I would respond with what I thought, but they seemed dissatisfied.
"Ayanokōji-kun, could you sit on that bench over there?" Ichinose pointed to the comfortable-looking, black bench. "I'm going to try on a few outfits and you have to let me know what you think."
"Hey, that's a good idea, I'll do the same," Chiaki agreed. There seemed to be some kind of invisible tension between them.
With the two of them pointing toward the seat, I had no choice but to obey. The bench didn't dip as I sat on it, but the cushioning remained adequate. They went into the female changing rooms.
After a few minutes, they both came out. Chiaki was wearing a blue summer dress that complimented her figure and eyes, whereas Ichinose had donned a cute, off-shoulder top and skirt that accentuated her hips and bountiful bust.
"Hey, Ayanokōji-kun, rate us out of ten."
The lighting was slightly dim, so I couldn't confirm it, but I thought that there were light tints of pink on their cheeks. It made sense for them to be embarrassed, but they were the ones who had placed themselves in this situation in the first place.
"Nine out of ten for Chiaki… 9.5 out of ten for Ichinose." My brown-haired classmate pouted at that, while Ichinose had a pleased smile on her face. They both returned to the changing rooms.
This contest continued for several hours. In the end, Ichinose won, the score being ten times to Chiaki's nine.
However, I couldn't claim that the judging was completely impartial… it might have been influenced by certain attributes of each individual. Sometimes, everyone had to work with the specific hand of cards they were dealt. Genetics played a large part in that kind of… thing.
However, the tables soon flipped on me. They scanned me up and down with their judging eyes. "Kiyotaka-kun, you should buy some clothes as well. You always wear basic shirts…"
"I'm poor, though."
Despite my protests, they dragged me to the men's section, where they started picking out certain clothes for me. After a few minutes, the two girls shoved me into the changing rooms with several items of apparel in hand. The first outfit was a dark sweater and jeans.
"I approve. Ten out of ten."
"Same here."
Every outfit I tried on was rated either a ten or a nine out of ten, and I wondered if there was some bias going on there. Eventually, they settled on three outfits for me to purchase, and we went toward the cashier counter.
Finally, with our shopping bags in hand, we made our way toward the Keyaki Department Store.
The store was the size of several football fields, several magnitudes larger than that of the convenience store near the student dormitories. The store contained everything from decorative home furniture to household appliances to apparel and even food. I started to peruse the isles, while the two of them simply followed me around.
"Ayanokōji-kun, what are you looking for?"
"A wishing well."
"A what?"
Just as they were questioning me, I found it.
It was around the size of a phone and made of some metal material, perhaps iron or stainless steel. There were ridges carved into the sides to simulate the look of a well. The depth was enough so that I could use it.
"Aww, it's cute!" Ichinose examined it closely, and Chiaki did the same.
"It's just decoration for my room. There's one other thing I need, though."
I found it after a few more minutes of browsing through the aisles.
It was a blank sketchbook. I didn't know what I wanted to do with it. The purpose of a sketchbook was to draw.
Perhaps I wished that I would have come up with something to do about it after I had found the item, but there wasn't anything that came to mind. I didn't know how to draw mindlessly; I didn't know how to draw at all.
The two of them caught me staring at the item. "What's wrong, Ayanokōji-kun?"
"No, it's nothing." I placed the item into my shopping basket.
"Let's go."
-o-o-o-
The three of us exited Keyaki Mall. What a day of shopping that was. Kiyotaka-kun and Ichinose-san had purchased the most amount of things.
That left me skeptical about Kiyotaka-kun's private point balance. Those clothes that Ichinose-san and I had recommended to him weren't cheap, and he had paid without blinking.
Well, Ichinose-san had recommended the cheaper version of those clothes, but I had insisted on more expensive ones that were of higher quality. Sure enough, Ayanokōji-kun had no issue purchasing them, even though he was a Class D student.
Maybe he couldn't tell, but the clothing store that we had shopped at was not cheap by any means.
"P-Please stop…" a feminine voice whispered.
"But can't you see? I love you! Please, we're meant to be! You read all of my love letters, right?!"
The voices were muted but grew louder as we approached an alleyway between two stores. I didn't recognize her at first, but the pink hair gave it away. It was my classmate, Sakura-san!
And the older man that was way too close to her for comfort… He was sexually assaulting her. One hand was on her body, the other one inside his black pants…
"Matsushita, can you call for security? Ichinose, call the school administration, please. I'm going to record this as evidence." Kiyotaka-kun took out his phone.
Was he being serious?! He was going to record instead of helping her? I immediately opened my mouth to protest, but his next words silenced me—
"The only way we can make sure that he gets put in jail and never returns is to record his actions. That way, he won't do a thing like this ever again."
"Please. Just trust me." He bore my harsh gaze, his golden eyes unflinching.
What Kiyotaka-kun was proposing was… cold. And logical.
If we saved Sakura-san right now, then the offender would be let off with a slap on the wrist. He would continue to hound her and harass her until she dropped out of school.
If we… waited a bit, then there would be enough evidence to put him away forever. The law was evidence-based, not prevention-based. Otherwise, there would be a lot of false cases.
"The law is designed to punish those after the act."
I suddenly remembered those words from my father. All of those lessons… he wanted me to be a lawyer.
What would a lawyer do?
Probably the exact same thing that Kiyotaka-kun was doing right now.
Letting her be assaulted like that wasn't right in the slightest.
Was there any other solution to this? Morally, I didn't want to do this…
"If he ever gets out of prison, he'll be shunned from all jobs," Kiyotaka-kun spoke coldly, but I could tell he was inwardly filled with rage. He was trying to hold back for my sake.
"He'll be an outcast, living the rest of his days alone. That will atone for his sin."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, clenching my fists. One, two, three.
I stepped out of the alleyway.
With trembling, white fingers, I clenched my phone and called security. Seconds later, Ichinose did the same.
It was disgusting, revolting. I hated myself for turning my back on it, but… it was the only thing I could do.
What if Sakura-san became scarred forever? What if she was driven to that point? That couldn't happen, right?
Surely, Kiyotaka-kun wouldn't let that happen. Kiyotaka-kun wouldn't let that happen. He was a good person, right?
I swallowed, my throat dry. Everything was unsettling. My bangs were matted to my forehead with sweat. My head pounded, and I felt dizzy trying to think about everything. There was no way I could calmly think about it.
But Kiyotaka-kun was a good person. I knew that. He was always courteous and even if he didn't show it on his face, he cared about us. He hung out with us a lot and also hung out with kind people like Kushida and Hirata. The Student Council had personally scouted him and recruited him.
He wouldn't let it get to that point. But, in the back of my mind, a small voice whispered that he might.
No, he wouldn't. I tried to deny it.
Remember those hands?
Goosebumps rose up all over my body.
I remembered them. It was the night that I had seen him with Kushida. The dark, wispy hands which extended out of fingers, which extended out of more hands…
I thought that they were just a hallucination, a figment of my imagination. And they were. That kind of thing didn't exist in the real world, it was impossible. It remained only in fiction.
But…
The overwhelming sense of control. It felt like they could orchestrate an entire army of puppets across the school, perhaps even beyond that.
No, that was ridiculous. We were still teenagers, that was impossible. And yet…
Always, he was in perfect control. For him, there were no accidents. If he was doing this, who was to say he wouldn't let it get to that point?
An overpowering sense of disgust welled up within me, and I slid against the wall to the ground. Was Kiyotaka-kun a disgusting person?
We were already carrying out his plan though. By extension, were we terrible people too?
My stomach churned, and I felt like throwing up, but something was stuck in my throat.
My eyes burned. I tasted blood on my lip.
Ichinose, watching me, was unable to do anything. Her eyes were rife with panic, and she clutched at me with quivering hands. She wasn't even speaking, maybe she couldn't speak.
What was she doing? Had she come to the same conclusion as me? Or something different? Was she trying to fight me?
She was breathing heavily. No, that was me. That was my breath.
Security finally picked up. I swallowed.
I just had to be strong. I tried to keep my voice steady as I talked to them about the situation.
After a few minutes of conversing with security, I finished my call.
Ichinose pulled me up off the ground with her hands, even though there was no strength in her body.
I summoned the strength to look inside the alley.
Kiyotaka-kun had just finished recording. He placed the phone in his pocket.
The man stared at him, eyes wide and trembling. He had finally realized that Ayanokōji-kun was recording.
"With this recording, you're done. You will never work for SIVCAMERA or any other store ever again; you will be jailed for the rest of your life."
The boy's voice was firm, unyielding. He stated it in a cold anger, like it was a fact. I felt better watching him do this.
Maybe it was sadistic, but it felt good to watch someone else's panic and desperation. Watching this… my own feelings from before had disappeared. I wasn't a sadist, but that was how I felt in the moment.
"B-But I love her! And she loves me!" Hysterically wailing, the man came toward us, his fists raised in a fighting motion; Ichinose-san and I jumped backward.
In frenzied haste, he swung at Kiyotaka-kun.
Everything happened so quickly. I couldn't tear my gaze from the scene, as if some supernatural force was making me watch.
My brown-haired classmate deftly ducked the wild swing. It was the precise movement of a trained martial artist, a blur to the naked eye.
He extended his arms and then landed two strikes. The first one was to the mouth, delivered with such brutality that the man's teeth chipped and cracked, some flying out of his mouth. Blood filled the area.
The second one was to the man's right abdomen. It was precisely to the liver. Even someone like me, who had trained often, could never imagine landing such an accurate attack.
He crumpled to the ground, howling in pain.
It all happened so quickly that it took me a second to process it. Kiyotaka-kun had demonstrated an incredible amount of fighting prowess in mere moments.
Just a few minutes later, security arrived and apprehended the man. During that time, I tried to talk to Sakura, but she was unresponsive. She had fainted.
Afterward, there was a questioning from the campus police about what had happened. My brown-haired classmate turned over the footage from his phone.
After answering a few questions, they determined that we were innocent, and let us go. And that was it.
The man's blood was stained on Kiyotaka-kun's right-hand glove. That was right, he was wearing gloves. I had just noticed it.
Where had he gotten them from? He hadn't purchased them during our shopping trip…
But it wasn't the time for such things. Ichinose-san and I were both quiet. Kiyotaka-kun glanced at both of us.
"I'll stay with Sakura and security until she wakes up. Hopefully, she'll be fine."
-o-o-o-
As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting hues of orange and pink across the sky, the air was filled with the scent of freshly cut grass and blooming flowers. The weathered, wooden park bench had a rough texture beneath my hands.
A pond shimmered in the fading light, reflecting the vibrant colors of the sky. Ducks glided gracefully across the water, leaving ripples in their wake, while nearby, children laughed and played on the playground.
Was what we had done right? My fingers curled around the edge of the bench as I agonized over my actions, swinging my legs back and forth.
After leaving the scene, I hadn't returned to my apartment. I didn't have an appetite for dinner, either. I felt too disgusted with myself to do anything, so I just found a bench and sat here.
Logically, it was correct. If we hadn't recorded the offender, then there was no guarantee that he would be put in jail. If he "hadn't gotten far", then he might have just been let off with a slap on the wrist. We had been stuck between a rock and a hard wall.
But I knew it wasn't right. No one should have to watch their classmate get assaulted like this; no one should let that happen.
What about Kiyotaka-kun? He had made the decision to record instead of helping; Ichinose and I had only followed it in the heat of the moment… did that mean he was a bad person? I bit my lip, trying to think.
"Hey, Chiaki."
A quiet voice.
Shocked out of my thoughts, I nearly stood up from the bench until I realized who had called out.
"Oh, it's just you, Kiyotaka-kun."
"May I?" He gestured to the bench.
Well, there was no way I could decline, right?
"Sure." Once I obliged, he took a seat on the wooden bench beside me.
His posture looked tense, however. His amber eyes were downcast, the wind sweeping lightly through his brown hair.
Sensing that he wasn't going to say anything, I decided to speak first.
"How are you doing? It must have been hard."
I stole a glance at his face, trying to decipher if he felt any guilt at what he had done—allowing Sakura-san to suffer from the actions of the predator.
However, if he felt anything at all, his expression never gave it away. It was always that blank face.
"I feel… I'm sorry, Chiaki."
His voice was heavy with remorse, even if his face didn't show it.
"I… I just did what I thought was right. I didn't mean to… you know. Hurt Sakura."
"It's okay if you don't want anything to do with me anymore," he took a deep, shuddering breath. "I can understand that. I'm prepared for that."
His head hung low as if it was the most natural position. This boy, he was suffering.
I had read the situation wrong entirely. The feeling of guilt emanating from him was palpable.
Suddenly, as if I had an epiphany, I understood what had really happened.
The truth was that Kiyotaka-kun had taken it upon himself to bear the responsibility of putting the offender away for good, and, in turn, suffered the consequences of his actions. He had stood up for both me and Ichinose-san, stomaching the situation so that the offender would go to prison.
He was someone rational and logical, and he did what he thought was best. Even though he seemed infallible, even though he didn't show any emotion with his facial expressions, he still had emotions.
I felt a sudden urge to comfort him, but I restrained myself, not knowing how he'd react to it.
Guilt bloomed in the back of my mind; I had mistakenly called Ayanokōji-kun a bad person. He wasn't a bad person at all, why would I even think that?
"Kiyotaka-kun, it's fine, you did what you had to."
Kiyotaka-kun refused to meet my eyes, instead staring off into the distance. He didn't reply to what I was saying, or even give any indication that it had happened.
I had seen it described before. The "thousand-yard stare."
That blank, emotionless expression, behind which was the sorrow—the guilt was consuming him. I had to stop it.
Shifting over to his side on the bench, I pressed my shoulder against his. But he didn't react to the physical contact at all.
"Kiyotaka-kun."
I wrapped one arm around his shoulders. He still didn't move.
"Kiyotaka-kun!" I urged.
Finally, he came back to me, blinking quickly. His beautiful face, illuminated by the golden light of the setting sun, turned to me, confused.
I had no idea how I could read his blank facial expressions, but I could. For the first time, I felt like I could really do it.
I could feel his emotion, or at least what he wanted to convey. That guilt and remorse for what he had done.
But it wasn't his fault.
"You did the best thing possible in the situation," I insisted. "Neither Ichinose-san nor I would be able to make that kind of decision."
It was the truth. Neither of us had the strength.
But Kiytotaka-kun was there, and he did have the strength. He had already made a hard choice; did he have to continue suffering for it?
No, I decided. That was a ridiculous notion.
I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his warm body.
Confusion was present on his handsome face, and I couldn't help but giggle. After a brief moment, he returned the embrace. His scent wafted over me in the close proximity, a hint of warmth that lingered in the air. That same warmth rapidly blossomed in my chest.
I reveled in his embrace. His body felt like a big, warm pillow in my arms, with my hands resting tenderly on his large back. I felt strange and hot as if my heart was jumping out of my chest.
Somehow, in some way, I wished for this moment to never end.
No, I wanted a thousand of these same moments with him. Finally, I realized what this irrational feeling in my chest was. As a girl growing up with overprotective parents, I had never experienced it myself.
Kiyotaka-kun. I didn't know what his feelings were regarding me, but I desperately wanted them to be positive.
No, I wouldn't make a move, not just yet. I needed to test him, this handsome, breathtaking boy, extraordinary in both character and ability.
"Helper" was either Ichinose-san or someone under her direct guidance. I would not let "Helper" from Class B manipulate him or our class.
An exceptional person like Kiyotaka-kun needed an exceptional partner. I was only fit for the role.
-o-o-o-
I was weak.
I couldn't believe what had happened in front of our eyes, and I had done nothing.
But Ayanokōji-kun had done something logical, even if it was slightly unnerving. I didn't want to allow it, but I did.
I didn't know why. I hoped Sakura-san was okay.
I didn't know her well, considering we were from different classes, but I couldn't help but care for someone who had been hurt, both emotionally and physically.
Ayanokōji-kun… why are you so rational?
Perhaps it was the objectively right thing to do, once again, but… no one wanted to see someone else get assaulted like that.
Was he someone without feelings, a cold, logical machine? He never made any facial expressions, and his voice was always in that monotone. It was hard to know.
There was a knock on my door. "Coming!" I shouted, hoping they could hear me, as I padded over in my slippers to receive my guest.
"Oh, Ayanokōji-kun! Why don't you come in?" I invited him over to the couch.
"Ichinose, in case you're wondering, Sakura has woken up, and she is feeling a lot better now."
"That's great! Do you know why the man assaulted her? Was it random?"
The golden-eyed boy shook his head, his brown bangs moving from side to side slightly. "No. She explained why to me, but I didn't want to betray her trust. I'll just say that he was obsessed with her, and sending her daily love letters. She went to put a stop to it, but it resulted in this."
Why would someone be obsessed with her? Did he know her outside of class?
There was no way for him to get in contact with her, though? So he had to know her outside of school.
No, No. It was better to stop analyzing this because Sakura-san didn't want other people prying into her life.
"I understand, Ayanokōji-kun."
"There's also one other thing. I met with Okitani, and he declined the alliance that you proposed." The boy seemed strangely sad about the alliance not going through.
I rubbed the back of my neck, giggling a bit at his reaction. "It's fine, Ayanokōji-kun. I expected a rejection, anyway, since I didn't propose anything specific."
"Oh, okay."
"Here, just wait a minute while I go brew some tea."
Ayanokōji-kun was strangely quiet for a few minutes, as I began brewing some tea for him.
When I returned, I saw him sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees. His chin was placed on his hands, his eyes downcast on his lap.
"Hey… about earlier… do you think I did the right thing, Ichinose? Am I a bad person?"
Although his facial expression was the same, there was a deep regret in his eyes. The beginnings of tears were forming, or perhaps that was a trick of the light. It was a kind of tortured, aching beauty.
I couldn't tell, but this handsome boy surprised me. Normally, Ayanokōji-kun was so powerful, so strong, with a position as a student council vice president… but this… this was something that only I could see, and no one else.
I retracted my statement wholeheartedly. He wasn't a cold, logical machine that had no care for emotions. He had his vulnerable moments, just like everyone else.
He wasn't invincible. He must have been thinking all day about his actions, and how guilty he was.
I was wrong. Why did I think he was cold like that? No, that was impossible. No one could ever be that cold. Even Ayanokōji-kun understood human warmth.
"No, you aren't Ayanokōji-kun. You absolutely did the right thing," I stated firmly; it was fact.
"But I let her get assaulted." At the end of his sentence, though his voice didn't tremble, his words signified that it did. His voice wasn't capable of trembling in the first place.
"If you didn't do that and tried to stop it immediately, the police wouldn't have enough evidence to put that man away for life." I grabbed his left hand to stress my point.
He was cold to the touch; I hoped my hands could warm him and pull him out of his sorrow.
Ayanokōji-kun had done the right thing, undoubtedly, undisputedly. Anyone could see that.
He had done the right thing. He wasn't a bad person.
The incident with Chihiro-chan had displayed his inner sense of empathy although he didn't show it on his face, and this one only confirmed it.
Ayanokōji-kun was an exceptional person.
My thumb swept over the lines on the palm of his hand; they were as smooth and silky, contrasting with the violence that he had so fearlessly displayed earlier.
We were so close to each other, now. Our shoulders were connected by some static friction, our knees bumping together every now and then. Even though I could tell that he didn't wear any cologne, his scent was unique, reminding me of vanilla flowers and rosewood.
I blew a breath into our intertwined hands, warming them. Surprised, he raised his head to look at me. His deep wells of golden, downcast on his lap, were so haunted, so full of guilt and sorrow like something had happened even before Sakura-san's incident. He was hollow. I found myself wishing to take all of that away. I only wanted him to look at me.
"Look at me," I commanded.
His beautiful eyes, shaded by his lashes, blinked once before he raised his head. Our breaths intermingled in the cool air of the room.
"It wasn't your fault, Ayanokōji-kun."
"But I—"
I pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him. I was surprised at both my own boldness and the softness of his lips. "No buts. Please, understand me. It wasn't your fault. The actions that you took today were correct."
Unable to resist any longer, I moved closer and wrapped my arms around him. He allowed me to do so, as I drew him into my body, one hand on the hollow of his shoulder blade, the other on the back of his head, my slender fingers tangling in his brown locks of hair. I hoped he could feel my heartbeat, just as I could hear his.
"Sometimes, the end results justify the means," I murmured, my lips brushing against his hair. I wasn't a fan of the saying, but Ayanokōji-kun was correct here. The ends justified the means.
"…Thank you, Ichinose."
The words, muffled by my clothing, were nearly inaudible. But I heard it anyway.
"No problem, Ayanokōji-kun. Any time." I meant it.
In the lingering silence, I enjoyed the feeling of his body in my arms, his scent, and the way he rested on my chest. He felt like a warm blanket on a chilly day, his very presence comforting.
"Can we call each other by our first names?" I asked gently. Matsushita had called him by his first name today, and that bothered me.
For a moment, very briefly, I was afraid that he would decline, from the lack of motion in his body.
However, he nodded in response. I couldn't help but smile. He had helped me so much; first with Chihiro-chan, then with the student council and the S-System. He had a heart of gold.
Somehow, watching him suffering like this, a foreign feeling was burning up in my chest, that same feeling that I had after the incident with Chihiro-chan; and yet, it was different.
Just what was this?
That feeling… it was tight, but holding him like this… honestly, I couldn't tell if it intensified or dulled.
Wanting more somehow, I held him closer to my chest. Could he feel my heartbeat? If he did, he gave no indication of it. It was like I was lulling him to sleep. My warmth seeped into his body, ridding him of his terrible hollowness.
I would take away this boy's pain. I didn't want him to suffer anymore; I didn't want him to suffer at all.
No one else could take away his deep-seated anguish that I glimpsed in his eyes. Not Kushida, not Kiryūin. Not even Matsushita or Horikita. Not any of the girls in his class. Not anyone in the rest of our grade, not anyone in the school.
My chest felt as though it was engulfed in flames.
But only I could do it. I was sure of it.
And when I did, he would only gaze at me.
-o-o-o-
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Next Chapter: February 15th
-thann