Sophie
In the quiet moments of dawn, as the first rays of sunlight painted our room in soft hues, I found myself contemplating my journey with music. Once a source of unbridled joy, singing had become a distant echo, overshadowed by the trials we faced. But now, as our lives gradually embraced light and laughter again, I felt a familiar stir within me—a longing to reclaim that part of myself.
I began to hum softly, tentative at first, testing the waters of my own resolve. The notes wove themselves into the fabric of our mornings, a gentle reminder of the melodies that had once defined our love. With each passing day, my confidence grew, and the songs that had been buried deep within my heart started to resurface.
Yet, doubts lingered. Was this resurgence of my passion a fleeting escape from our struggles, or was it a genuine rekindling of my love for music? As I sang, I questioned my motivations and the path I wished to tread. Was I ready to embrace music wholeheartedly again, or was it safer to let it remain a comforting backdrop to our lives?
I knew Ashe and Janna missed my singing, and I needed to bring back joy into my 4-year-old and 1-year-old's lives, so I will think of songs I could sing with them, classics like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" and "You Are My Sunshine." I imagined their eyes lighting up with each familiar tune, their laughter filling the room and intertwining with the melodies. It would be a small yet significant step toward reclaiming the harmony that had once filled our home.
With these thoughts warming my heart, I felt a renewed sense of purpose. Music would once again be the bridge that connected us, the rhythm that guided our days, and the joy that lifted our spirits. Together, we would sing our way through the challenges, weaving our own symphony of love and resilience.
I decided to go shopping, we needed food, Jaxon was with Ashe at school and I had Janna giving him a bit of a break. I prepared Janna for a fun day at the grocery store. She was a baby who loved everything—the bright colors, the different sounds, and the plethora of new faces. Her wide-eyed wonder was contagious, making even the mundane task of grocery shopping an adventure.
With Janna securely fastened in the cart, we set off to navigate the aisles together. Each section of the store offered a new opportunity to engage her curiosity. We started in the produce aisle, where I held up vibrant fruits and vegetables for her to inspect. Her tiny hands reached out to touch the smooth skin of an apple, and she giggled at the soft fuzz of a peach.
As we moved through the store, I narrated our journey to her, pointing out different items and their uses. "Look, Janna, these are tomatoes. We use them to make our favorite pasta sauce," I said, delighted by her attentive gaze. Every now and then, a fellow shopper would stop to admire her, and she would respond with a smile that could melt the coldest heart.
When we reached the dairy section, I picked out a carton of milk and a tub of yogurt, remembering how much Ashe and Josh loved their morning smoothies. Janna's eyes followed my every move, absorbing the experience with unspoken fascination. I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment, knowing that I was sharing these simple yet meaningful moments with her.
I handed Janna a small box of animal crackers. Her face lit up with pure excitement, and she clutched the box tightly, as if it were the most precious treasure. It was in these small, everyday activities that I found the essence of our bond—building memories that would last a lifetime.
In the pharmacy area, my eyes glanced at the pregnancy tests, a sudden wave of mixed emotions washed over me. Memories of discovering I was pregnant with Ashe and Janna came flooding back—moments filled with joy, uncertainty, and a profound sense of change. Standing there, I felt a pang of nostalgia and a flicker of curiosity.
I asked my one-year-old if I should get one, just to see if she was going to be a big sister. Janna looked up at me with her bright, curious eyes, as if trying to understand the weight of my question. She giggled, clapping her hands together, clearly more interested in the animal crackers than the potential life-changing news.
Taking her response as a sign, I reached out and picked up a test, placing it gently into our cart. The idea of expanding our family brought a mix of excitement and trepidation, but Janna's innocent joy was a comforting reminder that whatever the future held, we would face it together, with love and resilience as our guiding lights.
With our cart full and our spirits high, we headed towards the checkout, ready to face whatever awaited us at home.
After unpacking the groceries, I set Janna on the floor with a snack as I headed to the bathroom. I needed to know. The test sat on the counter, a small but significant object that held the potential to alter our lives in the most profound way. My heart raced as I followed the familiar steps, each movement deliberate and steady despite the nervous energy coursing through me.
As I waited for the results, I couldn't help but reflect on the journey that had brought us to this moment. The memories of Ashe and Janna's early days filled my mind—each milestone, each smile, each tear. Just as they had added immeasurable joy to our lives, the possibility of another child brought a sense of hopeful anticipation.
Time seemed to stretch on endlessly as I watched the test, the seconds ticking by with agonizing slowness. In that quiet space, I found myself praying for strength and clarity, whatever the outcome might be. My thoughts drifted to Janna, happily munching her snack in the living room, blissfully unaware of the monumental question being answered in the other room.
Finally, the moment of truth arrived. With a deep breath, I looked down at the test. There, clear and undeniable, was the result.
A smile spread across my face, and a tear slipped down my cheek as I absorbed the positive result. The emotions were overwhelming, a whirlwind of joy, fear, and hope. I took a moment to compose myself, allowing the reality of our growing family to fully sink in.
Returning to the living room, I scooped Janna into my arms, holding her close. "Guess what, sweetheart," I whispered, my voice trembling slightly. "You're going to be a big sister." She gazed at me with wide-eyed curiosity, giggling as she nestled into my embrace.
As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow through the windows, I felt an immense sense of gratitude. Our journey was about to take a new turn, and though there were uncertainties ahead, I knew we would face them together, united by the unbreakable bonds of love and family.
Jaxon came home with Ashe shortly after, their laughter filling the house with a joyous melody. I had planned the perfect surprise for Ashe and Josh, who would be arriving home soon. Janna was now wearing a shirt that proudly declared "Big Sister," her bright smile a perfect complement to the announcement.
The anticipation was palpable as we waited for Josh. Every sound from outside had my heart leaping with excitement, imagining his reaction to the news we had been preparing to share. The moments stretched on, each one brimming with unspoken words and hidden smiles.
As the clock ticked closer to Josh's usual arrival time, I gathered the kids in the living room, each of them sensing the special secret we were about to unveil. Janna, in her new shirt, toddled around, blissfully unaware of the significance of her attire, but her presence added to the warmth and love filling the room.
Finally, I heard the familiar sound of Josh's car pulling into the driveway. My heart raced with anticipation. The door opened, and Josh stepped inside, his eyes lighting up at the sight of our little gathering. Ashe, unable to contain her excitement, ran to her father, bursting with the news.
"Daddy, guess what!" Ashe exclaimed, her voice a blend of joy and excitement. "Janna's going to be a big sister!"
Josh's gaze turned to Janna, and then to me, his eyes widening with realization. A smile spread across his face, echoing the one that had adorned mine earlier. He crossed the room in a few strides, enveloping me and Janna in a warm embrace.
"Really?" he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
"Yes," I replied, my voice trembling with happiness. "Our family is growing."
As we stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, the future held a promise of new beginnings and endless possibilities. The sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden glow over us, and in that moment, I knew that we were ready to welcome this new chapter of our lives together.
However, amidst the joyous celebration, Jaxon seemed a bit pensive. It dawned on me that he might be feeling the weight of responsibility, as our security and protector, had more responsibility now. I needed to ease his mind. I walked over to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Jaxon," I said softly. "I know this is a big change for all of us, and I can see you're thinking a lot about it."
He looked up at me, his eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. "I just want to make sure everything is okay," he replied, his voice tinged with concern.
"Everything will be okay," I said, reassuring him, "because you are amazing at keeping our family safe. Jaxon, you are the best security we could ask for."
Jaxon's expression softened as he absorbed my words. A hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and I could see the tension in his shoulders ease. "Thanks, Sophie," he said quietly. "I'll do my best."
I knew Jaxon would take care of our new baby like he does our daughters; I am not worried. It is the day we lose Jaxon that I worry, we are not going to need him forever. I have no idea how long the threats will last. But for now, I wanted him to feel appreciated and valued. Jaxon nodded in my direction I knew he would do whatever it takes. He was the only one that lived with us Carter and Carmen only came when Josh or I left the house.
Janna, still toddling around in her special shirt, seemed to sense the excitement in the air. She giggled and clapped her hands, bringing smiles to all of our faces. Josh and I exchanged glances, feeling a profound sense of gratitude for the loving family we had created.
As the stars began to twinkle in the night sky, I took a moment to step outside and breathe in the cool evening air. The future felt bright and full of promise. With Josh by my side, the kids growing and thriving, and a new life on the way, I knew in my heart that everything would indeed be okay. Together, our family would face whatever came our way, united in love and strength.