Chapter 22: The Great Dog Race
Parody of the Spongebob episode: The Great Snail Race. Enjoy.
It's morning. Lincoln and Charles are sleeping until he is woken up by his new Ace Savvy alarm clock.
"Wake up! It's time to deal out crime!" Said a voice of Ace Savvy.
Lincoln shut his alarm off. "Good morning Charles."
Charles yawns and stretches. Lincoln gets dressed and goes outside. "Good morning world. World?"
At Mr. Grouse's house, a delivery man comes to deliver something to him. He rings the doorbell. Grouse answers.
"Talk to me." Mr. Grouse said.
"Special delivery sir." The delivery man replied.
Mr. Grouse was happy to see his special delivery as he signed his name on a clipboard. "Aha! I can't believe it's finally here!"
"Here you go." The delivery man handed him his pet cage.
"Oh thank you. Thank you. Thank you." Mr. Grouse took the cage and handed the clipboard to the delivery man.
"No, thank you Mr...Gross." The man said reading his name on the clipboard.
"That's Grouse!" Mr. Grouse corrected and went back inside.
"Hmm. I wonder what Mr. Grouse got." Lincoln said. Charles came out too. Leni overheard and came out.
Mr. Grouse came back out and walked out with his new pet dog. She was a purebred.
"Hey. Check out Mr. Grouse's new dog." Leni pointed out.
Lincoln, Leni, and Charles walked over to Grouse and his pet.
"Wow. Fancy." Lincoln said. "So that's what came in the mail. Looks like Charles has a new little playmate."
"Pfft! Dream on Loud." Grouse scoffed. "I wouldn't let Samantha play with that mongrel mutt. She's a purebred."
"Wow. A dog made out of bread." Leni commented.
"No. Purebred means she's of the highest pedigree." Mr. Grouse corrected. "See? She even has her own papers. So if you'll excuse us, Samantha has to start her training."
"Training?" Lincoln questioned.
"For the Royal Woods Dog Race. Samantha will be winning this Sunday."
"Sunday?" Leni questioned.
"Well, I guess I can't enter Charles in that." Lincoln said. "Sunday's laundry day."
"No Lincoln, you can't enter Charles because he's a mutt!" Mr. Grouse stated.
We see a closeup of Charles looking like a dirty hillbilly.
"Gee, you're right. Charles's no- Hey! What makes you think Charles couldn't win that race?"
"Papers." Mr. Grouse said as he held the paper in front of Lincoln. Lincoln backed away. Leni looked at the paper.
"Hmm. Property of Mr...Grease."
"That's Gross. I mean-Grouse!" The old man corrected. "Come on Samantha."
He walked off with his pet.
"You know what?" Lincoln said. "I'm starting to get the idea Mr. Grouse thinks his dog is better than mine."
"No." Leni said.
"Leni, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Lincoln asked his sister.
"Yeah. I should get a dog and enter it in that race and beat Mr. Grouse." Leni then ran off to get herself a pet.
Lincoln turned to Charles. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Charles was thinking about watching TV.
"No. No. No." Lincoln said. "I'm thinking about entering you in that race and beating Mr. Grouse's dog." He ran off and came back dressed in a coach's outfit. "Looks like we're gonna start our training now ladies." Lincoln laughs. "I call you a lady to humiliate and demean you. It's a motivational tool we coaches use."
Lynn then came outside and thought about something. "I don't know why but I think I'm going to kick Lincoln's butt tomorrow."
Lincoln gets to work on helping Charles win the race. He is making a protein shake for him. "Turkey powder for muscle mass. Raw eggs cause they're cliche. And nails for toughness." He mixed all those ingredients into a blender.
"Arf?" Charles asked.
"Well, of course I expect you to eat this." Lincoln said. "It's scientifically designed to help you win tomorrow. Charles?"
Charles had already left the kitchen. Lincoln keep the time on his stopwatch. "Wow. Pretty good time."
Just then, Leni came in. "Hey Linky, check out my new pet."
Lincoln saw Leni's pet was a mannequin doll that looked similar to Leni. "Uh, Leni, your pet is a doll."
"Yeah thanks. I know. She's got nerves of steel. See ya at the big race." Leni leaves.
"Boy, the competition's getting tough." Lincoln said.
Lincoln went up to Charles who was watching TV. "Alright Charles, we are gonna start some serious training right now!"
He got out Charles leash and dragged him away with it. Now they were outside the house.
"Alright Charles, let's start with some sprints." Lincoln suggested. "On your mark, get set, go!" He started his watch. "Go Charles go! Come on! It's all yours Charles!"
Lincoln noticed that Charles was gone. "Charles?"
The dog was back inside watching TV.
Lincoln walked up to him. "Come on Charles, the big race is tomorrow. You gotta start training if you want to win."
Mr. Grouse looked through the window. "Don't waste your breath Lincoln. That mongrel of yours doesn't stand a chance against Samantha."
Leni shows up with her doll. "Excuse me, but you two like seem to be forgetting who the real winner will be. My pet."
"Uh, that's a doll." Mr. Grouse mentioned.
"Yeah thanks I know. She's got nerves of steel."
Mr. Grouse turned back to Lincoln. "Like I said, don't even bother showing up tomorrow."
Mr. Grouse left.
"My pet has Mr. Grouse really scared, huh Lincoln?" Leni said.
"Sorry Leni, me and Charles have some serious work to do." Lincoln said as he carried Charles and walked off.
"You can run but you can't hide, Lincoln Loud!"
Lincoln goes outside with Charles. "Alright Charles, no more fooling around. Time to get serious!"
And so the training began. Charles had to run laps, jump over hurdles, use Lynn's punching bag, do some more running while Lincoln rode his bike, use the toilet, take a bath, eat his food faster, and do some more running. He did all this as Lincoln was ordering him around. The dog eventually got tired by the next day. He was now dragging the white haired boy in a wagon as they headed off to the race.
"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" Lincoln yelled in a megaphone. "Come on Charles! We're gonna be late for the big race!"
They arrived at a stadium. Inside, there were a lot of people.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen." Said the announcer. "And welcome to our live coverage of this year's annual spring classic, the 102nd Running of the Dog. And what a beautiful day for this sport of kings, of which I am a huge fan. Seriously, I'm just a fan. I was on my way to my seat, the door was open."
"Hey?! What are you doing?!" Shouted the real announcer.
The guy ran off as the real announcer took his seat. "Sorry about that folks. Let's go down to the field to join the mayor for the pregame ceremony."
We see the mayor down at the field. He speaks in a microphone. "And now, for the lighting of the Torch of Good Sportsmanship, please join me in welcoming dog racing's first ever champion, Lightning Larry Luciano!"
The crowd cheers and a band plays. Out comes a old dog with a torch attached to his back. He is moving very slowly.
"Would ya look at that folks?" Said the announcer. "Lightning Larry Luciano, a living legend, slowly making his way center stage. And what a proud moment for this sport. The crowd is going absolutely nuts...for Larry."
Larry continues to walk slowly.
"He's almost there. Ah, yes, any minute now."
Two hours later
"He's almost a quarter of the way there." The announcer said tiredly.
The band is now getting tired of playing. The mayor checks the time and decides to bring Larry to the stage himself. He lights the torch.
"The torch is lit! Let the games begin!"
The crowd cheers. Mr. Grouse, Lincoln, and Leni are at the starting line with their pets.
"Well Loud, I must admit I didn't think that mongrel mutt of yours would find the finish line." Mr. Grouse taunted. "Congratulations."
"Save it for the loser circle Mr. Grouse." Lincoln replied. "Charles happens to be in the best shape of his life."
Charles wheezes.
"I'll alert the paramedics." Mr. Grouse said.
"Good one Mr. Grouse!" Leni complimented.
An official showed up. "You guys ready?"
"Ah! A burglar!" Leni yelled.
"No Leni, that's the official." Lincoln stated.
"We're ready to start here folks." Said the official.
Mr. Grouse was having a chat with Samantha. "Okay Samantha, let's show these common, garden variety dogs what superior breeding is all about."
"Arf." Samantha replied.
Lincoln chatted with Charles. "Alright Charles, listen up, the competition is going to be fierce. You're the underdog. Everybody's already counting you out. Now get out there and win so we can rub it in Mr. Grouse's wrinkly face."
"Arf." Charles replied.
Leni chats with her mannequin doll. "This is what we've been training for Ms. Cutie. This is why we're here."
"On your mark, get set, go!" The official waved his flag, starting the race.
Samantha is the first one to take the lead as Charles and Ms. Cutie are left behind.
"And they're off!" Said the announcer. "Number six Samantha, rockets out of the starting blocks, leaving the other two competitors in the dust!"
"What?!" Lincoln exclaimed.
"Go Samantha! You've got it baby!" Mr. Grouse cheered.
Lincoln went up to Charles, who was laying on the ground. "What are ya doing Charles? The race has started! You let Samantha take the lead!"
Samantha is getting further away.
"Let's go Charles! Start moving!" Lincoln yelled. "You're blowing everything we trained for! Blowing it!"
"It's ok Ms. Cutie." Leni told her doll. "You totes go when you feel like it."
Lincoln continued yelling at his dog. "Charles, are you listening to me?! Get off your furry butt right now! Don't gimme that look! I said now mister! Get going Charles! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!"
Charles eventually starts moving, but very slowly.
"And there goes number seven out of the starting gate." The announcer said. "Oh, hang on folks. He doesn't look so good."
Charles is wheezing hard as he continues to race off.
"Not good enough Charles, not good enough! Faster!" Lincoln yelled as he jumped up and down.
Charles tries to go faster.
"I don't like the look of this." Said the announcer.
Lincoln yells more. "Come on Charles! It's a race! A race! Have you heard of em?!"
"That coach is pushing that dog too hard." Said the announcer.
Lincoln yells louder. "Faster Charles! Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!"
Charles's is struggling so hard that his left ear explodes.
"Huh?"
The crowd gasps.
"Ooh! Looks like number seven has a blowout!" The announcer stated.
Charles's right ear explodes.
"Oops. Make that two folks."
Lincoln was surprised. "Uhh, Charles?"
Charles's fur falls off.
"Now his fur is falling out." The announcer stated. "Oh, and the poor creature's still going for it."
Lincoln got worried. "Um, Charles, you can stop now!"
Charles is now going off course.
"He's out of control!" The announcer mentioned.
The dog runs into the wall, making sparks.
"You can take a break now if you want to, Charles!" Lincoln told him.
Charles spins on the track.
"He's spinning out of control!" The announcer stated.
The crowd gasps.
"He's headed straight for the wall!"
Charles runs into the wall and creates a hole. The crowd gasps but then they cheer.
"NOOOO!" Lincoln yelled. "Hold on Charles, I'm coming!"
Lincoln runs onto the track.
"Whoa. One of the coaches seems to have raced onto the track." The announcer noted. "That is an automatic disqualification. Looks like number seven has this race all wrapped up, ladies and gentlemen."
Samantha is almost at the finish line.
"Come on Samantha, it's all you baby!" Mr. Grouse encouraged.
Lincoln picks up and Charles and tears up. "Oh Charles! I'm sorry! Why didn't you just say I was pushing you too hard?!"
"Arf." Charles replied.
"You did? Oh Charles, why didn't you tell me I wasn't listening?!"
Charles barked.
"You did?"
Lincoln cries more. Samantha comes close to crossing the finish line but she hears Lincoln's crying. She sees Charles and goes over to him.
Mr. Grouse is surprised by this. "What?"
Charles got up and ran to Samantha. Lincoln was surprised.
"Charles?"
Charles and Samantha looked at each with lovestruck eyes.
"Oh."
The crowd is touched by this. "Aww."
The announcer is touched by this scene too. "My, oh, my. Folks, I have never seen anything quite like this. It seems Samantha, the leader, just went back to comfort Charles."
Mr. Grouse walks over to Lincoln and the dogs.
"Looks like you and I are in laws, eh Grouse?" Lincoln said.
"But that's impossible. If Samantha didn't win, then who-"
Ms. Cutie is at the finish line.
"And the winner is Ms. Cutie!" The announcer said.
Leni cries in happiness as the crowd cheers. Samantha and Charles walk away.
"I can't believe it." Mr. Grouse said disappointed. "My purebred, which cost $1700, lost to a doll."
Leni walks over with the trophy she won. "Don't worry Mr. Grouse, I know how much you wanted to win, so I had the trophy engraved to you."
"Wow. Thanks Leni."
He takes the trophy and reads the engraving. "The 1st place Dog Racing Cup presented to..Mr. Goose?! Will I ever win?"
Mr. Grouse, Lincoln, and Leni all laugh. Suddenly, Lynn comes out of nowhere and kicks Lincoln into the air.
"That's for yesterday Lincoln!"