Chapter 39: Snowball Fighters

Now here's a parody of the episode: Snowball Effect

It was the first week of winter in Royal Woods and it snowed overnight. Patchy Drizzle was outside reporting the news.

"Yes, it seems Old Man Winter paid us a visit late last night. And he brought with him not a pillow, or a sheet, but a blanket. A blanket of snow. Schools have been closed for the day and local residents have taken notice."

At the Loud House, Lincoln in his winter clothes opens the front door. "Hooray for snow days!"

Charles comes out wearing snow boots. Kids are seen outside making snowmen and other things such as the Statue of Liberty, a dollar bill, and an igloo. Lena comes out and sees it's snowing.

"What's this? Drops of rain frozen into ice crystals? I shall harness their energy and rule the world!" She laughs evilly but a bunch of snow from the roof falls onto her.

Leni is outside making a snowman. She adds a scarf and sunglasses to it.

"Now that's what I call a fashionable snowman." Suddenly, she gets hit in the head with a snowball.

"Hey!" She turns around and sees Lincoln whistling and looking innocent. "Thanks a lot Lincoln. While you were standing there whistling, someone threw a snowball at me!"

"Oh really Leni? Did the snowball look like this?" Lincoln took out another snowball and threw it in Leni's face.

"Yeah." Leni replied. Lincoln laughs.

"Lincoln, this is serious! I think someone's after me! I gotta leave town!"

"Leni, I threw the snowball." Lincoln stated. "We're having a snowball fight. Don't you get it?"

"Oh." Leni realized. "I totes wanna play!"

"Well first, you have to make a snowball."

"Right." Leni begins to make one. "This is gonna be good."

Leni made a cube instead. She tried again but made a triangle. She tried again and made...a double helix.

"Uh Linky, can you help me make a snowball?"

"Sure sis." He made one and gave it to Leni.

"Thanks, Linky." She threw it at him and he fell on his back.

"Leni, how could you?"

"It's a snowball fight, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

Now Lincoln and Leni went to war. Inside the house, Lori was relaxing by the fireplace. "Ah, yes. Warm fire, cozy slippers, and a hot cup of cocoa with a lemon wedge." The lemon juice squirted into Lori's eye and she dropped her cup of cocoa, spilling it. "Why do I even bother?"

Lori heard the sounds of construction tools. She opened the door and saw her younger siblings making snow forts. "Would you two please keep it down?"

"Lori, you're just in time to enlist in my army!" Lincoln said. "Join me and together we'll defeat the fashion menace!"

Lincoln points at Leni.

"That's me!" Leni said.

"I can start you off as a buck private." Lincoln said. "But with hard work, perhaps you can rise through the ranks and become a regular private."

"Thanks but no thanks, Major Doofus." Lori replied. "You and General Ditz will have to fight without me."

Lori snickers. "Got 'em both." She sees a snowball flying at her and ducks. The snowball puts it out the fire. Lori growls in annoyance and goes back inside.

"Leni, you fool!" Lincoln yelled. "This was over before it started! I will now consider your unconditional surren-" Leni hits him with a snowball. "-der."

Leni laughs.

"So that's how she wants it to go down."

Then Lisa and Lynn come outside.

"Hey, we heard you guys were having a snowball fight." Lynn said. "We want in."

"Ok, Lynn you can be on my side." Leni said.

"Sweet." Lynn joins Leni.

"Then Lisa's on my side." Lincoln said.

"Certainly Lincoln." Lisa said joining Lincoln. "I brought out the heavy artillery." She takes out her snowball gun.

"Alright, can I use that?" Lisa hands the gun to her brother. He loads the gun. "Eat snowballs!"

Lincoln fires snowballs at Leni and Lynn. They duck. After Lincoln finishes, Leni comes back up.

"Hah! You missed us!" Lincoln fires more snowballs but this time they went into Leni's mouth. Leni ended up swallowing them all. Lincoln stopped. But just when Leni thought it was over, Lincoln reloaded the gun and fired more snowballs into Leni's mouth until her face was all bloated and her mouth was full of snowballs.

"Score one for the boys back home!" Lincoln announced.

Leni ran inside the house. She was trying to say something to Lori but her mouth was full.

"Oh Leni, what is it? Are you playing a game of charades? Um…"

Leni swallowed. "I was trying to tell you that I was choking on snow but the snow turned into water and I drank all the water, now I'm better."

"Fascinating."

"Now I have to pee." Leni ran to the bathroom.

Soon, the other siblings gathered outside for the snowball fight. Lana, Luna, and Lucy joined Lincoln's team and Luan, Lola and Lily were on Leni's team. Lori came out.

"Hey, have one of you seen my-" She saw Lynn wearing her earmuffs. "Lynn, those are mine!"

Lynn threw a snowball towards Lori but Lori ducked and it put out another fire.

"Lynn! You asked for it!" Lori was about to throw a snowball at her.

"Yay! Lori's on our side!" Lana cheered.

"I most certainly am not."

"Then that means she's on our side!" Luan said.

"No, I'm not on that side either. I'm on nobody's side! Snowball fights are for immature people and I won't stoop to your level. If you guys want to knock each other's brains out, kindly leave me out of it."

Lori goes back inside. She hears Leni outside. "Come on guys, let's knock each other's brains out."

Lori imagines Lincoln getting his brain knocked out. "Now there's something I'd literally like to see." She went to the front window. But instead of fighting, she saw her siblings shaking hands. "What the-"

She went outside. "What are you guys doing? You're supposed to be knocking each other's brains out!"

"We signed a peace treaty Lori." Lincoln explained. Leni held out the peace treaty. "You were right. Fighting is immature."

"No, I mislead you. It's immature for adults. Gimme that peace treaty." Lori ripped up the paper. "There. Let the war continue."

"Lori, that wasn't the peace treaty." Lincoln said. "That was a copy of the treaty."

Lori looked unamused. "Look, you guys are giving up too easily. Now Leni, pretend I'm Lincoln."

"Then who am I?"

"..You're Leni."

"Can I be you?" Lynn asked.

"No!" Lori said. "Wait, why?"

"Cause you're the oldest.

"Would you butt out?"

"Hey, you like can't talk to Lori like that, Lori." Leni said.

"I'm Lincoln and you're Leni." Lori made a snowball and threw it at Leni. "Now What are you gonna do?"

Leni wiped the snow off and threw it back at Lori. "Leni, why didn't you hit Lincoln?"

"You said you were Lincoln, Lincoln."

"She's literally right." Lynn said doing an impression of Lori.

"Oh boy." Lori said annoyed. "I can see where this is going. Let's just say for all intents and purposes that I, Lori, am now part of this war. Now-"

"If you're part of this war, then where's your fort?" Lana asked.

"I don't have one. Ok? Now-"

"You've gotta have a fort sis." Luna said.

"Forts win wars Lori." Lincoln said.

"Fine. You wanna fort?" She builds a small one out of snow. "There. There's your fort. Now-"

"That fort's too small Lori." Lola said.

"It's ok Lola. It's just a demonstration. Now-"

"She's right eldest sibling." Lisa stated. "That wouldn't protect a specimen of your size. It's downright puny."

"Trust me, it's fine."

Leni threw a snowball at her.

"See? It is too small." Lola said.

Lori wipes the snow off. "Not if I crouch down. I mean, you didn't even give me a chance to crouch down." She crouches down. "See? Down here, I'm perfectly-"

Leni threw a snowball at her.

"Exposed." Lucy said.

"Would you please-"

Leni threw another snowball at Lori.

"-stop throwing-"

Leni threw another one.

"-snowballs!"

Pause, then Leni threw another snowball. Lori growled and threw a snowball. The kids ducked and the snowball hit Mr. Grouse, who was going on a walk. He fell backwards.

"Lori returned fire!" Lincoln said.

"Then it's war!" Leni said.

The siblings went to make a new fort.

"No, wait! I was just giving a demonstration!" Lori said and crouched down behind her fort.

The kids threw a bunch of snowballs at Lori, covering her in snow. She looked like a snowman and even had a top hat. Angered, Lori pops out. "Alright, you guys asked for it!"

Lori threw a snowball at Lincoln.

"I got him! I really got him!" Lori said happily. "In your face Lincoln! Wow. I've literally never felt so alive."

Lynn laughs. "She got you good Lincoln."

Then Lynn got hit with a snowball. A bunch of snowballs were thrown.

"Take cover!" The siblings ducked. Lori was throwing snowballs like a lunatic.

"Oh yeah."

"Guys, I think Lori's taking this too seriously." Leni said.

"Ya think?" Lola replied.

"I've had enough snowball fights for one day." Lucy said.

The others agreed.

"Let's move onto plan B." Lincoln and his sisters left. Lori continued throwing snowballs but then got tired.

"What's going on? The snowballs have stopped falling. I better take advantage of this momentary ceasefire." She checks her fort. "What's this? My left flank is exposed. That athletic jock will run right through me! I'll just fix that right now."

Lori adds more snow to the fort and pats it down. "Wait, that makes my north wall a weak spot." She adds more snow to her north side.

"But if they attack from the rear, I'm a goner!" She gasps. "But what about the possibility of an aerial attack?"

Lori starts digging more snow onto her fort. Soon, her fort is now tall and massive. Lori is seen hiding in her fort. "I guess that oughta do it. Fort Lori is now impenetrable." She laughs. "Now where are those twerps?"

Some snow falls onto her.

"The first shot has been fired!" Lori throws a snowball. More snow falls on her.

"Take this Leni!" She throws another snowball. More snow falls on her. She throws more snowballs. "Taste my frozen fury!"

It turns out the snow is falling from a tall tree. Lori continues throwing snowballs. "Victory is mine! I've got you now!"

Inside the Loud House, the siblings are gathered in the living room drinking hot cocoa and watching the news.

"Did you guys hear something?" Lincoln asked.

"Nope." They replied.