Chapter 46 - Campfire Stories
"And when the door opened…and I turned around…it daddy Elfo…and when he raised his hand…he slapped me…ON THE BUM-BUM!"
Bean, Luci and Koga all stared at Elfo with unexpressive looks. Elfo's stared at them, waiting for someone to react. Elfo's clears his throat. "ON THE BUM-BUM!" He repeated.
"Yeah, repeating it isn't going to make it scary, Elfo…" said Luci.
"What? It was scary to me!" said Elfo, frowning.
It was the dead of night, and the group sat somewhere in the forbidden forest with a roaring campfire in the middle. After chatting briefly, Luci thought they should all take turns telling scary stories. However…it seems as though it was off to a bad start.
"You know I had a feeling it was going to be something about your butt Elfo," said Bean, shaking her head.
"You know you're supposed to tell scary stories about monsters and ghosts. Not stories about getting spankings," Koga stated.
"Bum-bum slaps are scary! Ugh, nobody understands me!" Elfo whined as he crossed his arms and pouted.
"Well, it is funny, though," Luci laughed.
"Oh, Ha Ha! Laugh at my expense!" Elfo glared at Luci.
"I am! HAHAHAH!" Luci laughed some more.
"Ok, ok, enough of that," said Bean. "Alright, it's time for a real scary story." She clears her throat. "It was a dark and stormy night. I was fourteen years old at that time. I had woken up to the sound of thunder shaking the castle. I grabbed a light and strolled down the stone hallways, and when I did…I heard odd groans echoing against the walls. I slowly walked towards the sound of cries…and they were coming from a room in the castle. I opened the door…and…IT WAS MY DAD! BUCK NAKED!"
Elfo, Luci and Koga just stared at Bean. Bean looked at their blank expressions. Elfo frowned. "That's just disgusting…" He whispered.
Bean scowled. "OH COME ON! A NAKED ZOG? DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH TRAUMATIC THAT WAS? I still can't believe I even have a sex drive after seeing that!"
"Why exactly was he naked?" asked Luci.
"He had just got done having sex with Oona…" Bean crossed her arms and shivered.
Luci, Elfo and Koga shivered as well.
"Yeah…reptile sex is supposed to be quiet…but my dad isn't…"
"Ok…that was not a scary story…that was a nasty story…" said Koga. "None of that was terrifying. Although the thought of seeing a naked Zog is horrific, it's not a spooky story."
"Yeah, I expected you to come up with better stories," said Luci.
Elfo looks at Luci. "Well, what about you? You used to live in hell, so there must be tons of scary stories that you can tell us."
"As a matter of fact, I do!" said Luci, cracking his fingers. "This story is based on a dream I had living in hell. I had just come back from torturing two popes with the thought of other religions. I went to bed…and then started dreaming…"
Bean, Elfo and Koga listened with anticipation.
"I dreamed…I WAS AN ANGEL!" Luci cried. "I WAS FACE TO FACE WITH GOD! AND I WAS HAPPY AND JOLLY AND I EVERYONE WAS ALL SMILES AND-" Luci covered his face. "It was terrible…"
"You have got to be kidding me…" said Koga, facepalming.
"Aww, Luci, you would look cute with your little angel wings!" Bean smiled at her.
"Say that again! I dare you!" Luci glared at Bean.
"You guys are terrible at this…" said Koga. "The three of you didn't even tell scary stories. All you did was trauma dump your worse memories."
"Trauma dumping is a form of scary stories," said Elfo.
"Yeah Koga the Wanderer. Why don't you tell us a scary story then," said Luci.
"Fine…I will," said Koga. "Let's see…" He began to think. "This is a story that takes place when I first started my travels. I was doing pretty well. I took out bandit camps. I got paid for them; I slayed a few monsters, and my name was beginning to be known. One day, I found myself wandering through the wilderness. I noticed that it was one of the thickest parts of the woods. Tall trees, wildlife noises coming from all directions, and stepping in deer shit every ten seconds. But anyways…I stumbled upon a small wooden home. I thought to myself, This is a perfect place to rest! And so I got closer. But then I stopped. I listened to the sound of wilderness around me, only to realize everything was quiet. Usually…when wildlife in the forest goes quiet…that means there is something far more dangerous nearby. I was on guard as I approached the wooden home. The closer I got…, the heavier I felt. I began to feel lightheaded, and I was sweating beads. Then…the door to the wooden home opened. When it did…I felt an overwhelming pressure hit my body. My legs gave out, and I couldn't bring myself to stand. That's when I saw…"
Bean, Elfo and Luci were hooked. Their full attention was on Koga's every word.
"That's when I saw him…It was a man dressed in all-black armour. My body was shivering…I couldn't move because of how petrified I was. He said nothing…we just stared at each other for hours. He stepped out of the wooden house and walked forward. I swear I could hear the heaviness in his footsteps. And then…he just walked past me…and disappeared into the wilderness. That was the first time I ever felt such fear in my life. And to be honest, I've still gotten over it.."
Koga looks at the three of them. Bean held herself, Elfo looked a bit scared, and Luci stared blankly at Koga. "You know…you complain about us trauma dumping in our story, but then you go and do the same in yours. How does it feel to be a hypocrite, Koga?"
"What? That guy had to be a monster in human form! I don't know any human that could be that Intimidating and…and scare me like that…" Koga lowers his eyes to the fire. "I was so damn scared…"
"Well…I have to admit If someone like that is out there and scares you, then we should all be a bit terrified…" said Luci.
"Yeah…that's true…" said Elfo, twiddling his thumbs.
"I've always heard stories about black knights and how strong they can be. I guess it wasn't just all fairy tails…" said Bean.
"Ever since that day…I wasn't scared of anything thrown at me—no ogers, trolls, demons, nothing," said Koga. "And…that's the end…"
"Well, I'd say that's the best story told tonight," said Bean. The campfire was beginning to die out, and she got to her feet. "Well, boys, it's time for us to head back. I should've brought my booty flask with me."
Bean, Elfo, Luci and Koga all walked down the path back to Dreamland.
"You know this was nice. We should do this more often," said Elfo.
"Yeah, I had a lot of fun telling stories like that!" said Bean.
"We should do it like once every year to get that festive feeling," said Luci.
"Like a holiday?" Koga asked.
"Yeah, a holiday!" said Elfo, smiling. "But what should we call it?"
"Spooky month?" said Bean.
"Nah, it doesn't have that edge…" disagreed Koga.
"Scary, scary boo?" said Elfo.
"That just doesn't make any sense," said Bean, looking at Elfo confused.
"Oh, I got it! How about Halloween?" said Luci.
"Heey, that name sounds amazing!" said Bean excitedly.
Luci lets out an evil laugh. "Yes, the month where all the demons and ghouls of the night come out of the play!"
Elfo shivers. "You know what…I don't think I like this month anymore…"
"I think it sounds badass," said Bean, smirking. "Muhahahah!"
"Yeah, don't do that…Only I can.." said Luci, batting his eyes at Bean.
"MUAHHAHAHAHA!"
Luci laughed into the dead of the night.