I'm still in a particularly down mood the next day and my thoughts wander to the last time I truly felt happy before Edward. It had to be when my mom was still alive. I wonder what advice she would have for me now? I have a feeling she would tell me to follow my heart, but she too was once in the same situation as I was, being married off to strengthen her own kingdom's relationships. And I never once heard her complain. She always told me that Jasper and I were her greatest gifts.
I don't think she would be very proud of me throwing this pity party for myself like a child. I needed to be stronger, like her. I could do this. If Edward was strong enough to put me first, then I could be strong enough to put my people first. I was going to be a queen, after all, and I needed to start acting like it.
Angela helped me get dressed, before letting me know that Jacob had asked to meet me in the garden. She let it slip that someone had delivered my ring last night and he most likely wanted to give it to me. I didn't want to officially propose to me in the garden though, that place felt too intimate, and to be honest, I associated it with Edward. I didn't want to ruin that memory in any way.
I can feel the nerves threatening to bubble up and I straighten my back, forcing myself to walk with a confidence I didn't know I had. Jacob wasn't so bad, right? I would have to just make the best of my uncontrollable future.
He's waiting for me right at the entrance of the garden, sitting in the small bench to the right of the back door leading to the inside of the castle. There weren't any wildflowers here. Father made the gardeners remove anything that didn't look pristine enough from the front section. Luckily, he didn't even bother looking past the arch where mother and I had planted all of the colorful flowers I loved so much.
"Your highness," I curtsy before approaching him closer. "You wanted to see me?"
Jacob stands. "Yes, Isabella. I wanted to talk to you about our engagement."
"What about it?" I ask, my confident facade slipping.
"I know about how your father treats you," Jacob tells me, his brows furrowing. I freeze, not sure if he truly is talking about the full extent of my father's hold on me. There was something off about the way he said it but I chalked it up to me making things up on my head from the nerves and a certain someone still occupying my mind. "When we get married, you'll be able to get away from him," he grabs my hand, and I will myself to feel something but there was nothing but clammy palm.
He kneels down on one knee, holding out a blue velvet box with a ring that was much too big and gaudy for my taste. "Princess Isabella Swan, will you marry me, for the unity of our two kingdoms?" Jacob's smile was cocky and sure as he waited for my answer.
I knew this was coming. I had prepared myself for it. And yet, it still felt so wrong. But he was offering something I had wanted for years. Something Edward wasn't confident he could give me. My chance at escape.
There's a sudden movement behind him and I look up for a second, seeing a flash of bronze move against the wall of the castle, several yards away. My eyes lock onto his green ones. He was watching us the whole time.
I want him to say something. I want him to fight for me. For us. To storm in and break this whole thing up.
But instead, his eyes flash with so much emotion, I feel tears start to pool. It almost felt like he was finally saying goodbye to me, to the possibility of us, with just that one look. He smiles, so gently, looking resigned, trying to tell me that he was happy for me. That it was okay. That I would be okay. But I don't know if I would be.
Then he turns to walk back to the castle without a second glance, taking my whole heart with him.
"Isabella?" Jacob sounds impatient, still on his knee.
"Oh," I blink, trying to focus on his proposal. "Um, yes," I try to make my smile convincing.
He smiles too, standing up and slipping the ring on my finger. "Now that that's done. I'm meeting your father for dinner before I leave tonight." He walks off, not even bothering to ask if I would like to join.
In all the books I read, when the protagonist is about to get married, she's usually ecstatic, and yet I feel nothing. I want to go and chase after Edward but I knew I should keep my distance. A clean break would make this easier on me, and continuing to see him when I couldn't do anything hurt even more. The weight of the giant rock on my finger feels like an anchor and I want to just chuck it into the fountain.
I'm not sure how long I stayed out here but it was starting to get a little chillier when I finally decide to head back inside.
My steps are heavy and I want nothing more than to lock myself away in my room. I just about reached my door when someone grabs me from behind, pulling me inside and shutting the door. I try to scream but a hand is placed over my mouth, muffling the sound.
"Shhh, it's just me, Isabella," Jacob's voice is right next to my ear as he pushes me against my door. I feel myself relax for only a second before I immediately tense as I feel his hand that wasn't covering my mouth start to travel up my waist. I try to turn to push him off of me but he was too strong. Even pushing all of my strength against his chest, he wouldn't budge.
"Stop struggling, Isabella," Jacob's voice was dark, and unlike with Edward, I knew this meant I was far from safe.
"As your future husband, I say this is my right. And besides, your father has been giving me some pointers of how to…take care of you," he laughs, twisting me around and pushing me onto my bed.
No. How could this be happening? Jacob is supposed to be a better option not a worse nightmare.
I thrash against him as his body covers mine, pinning my legs down with his. I swing my fists against his back but he doesn't even flinch.
"Stop struggling, this was going to happen eventually. I just want something to tie me over until our wedding. Lord knows the servants at the palace are a one and done kind of deal but you…" he trails off, becoming more and more focused on getting my clothes off. He finally moves his hand from my mouth to undo the buttons on the front of my dress and I take the opportunity to start screaming like a banshee. I turn my body away from him as he rips the front of my dress apart in frustration and I try to crawl away while screaming for help.
"Shut up!" Jacob yells, absolutely furious as he delivers a blow to my face. The adrenaline and my survival instincts held off the pain for now but it would definitely be something I felt later.
It feels like a losing battle as Jacob easily pulls me back, painfully crushing my body with his and pushing my face into a pillow to muffle the screaming.
I had to keep fighting. I was not going to let him win.
Suddenly my door flies open and Jacob's weight is gone. I take my chance to scramble as far away as I can, my vision blurry from the tears. I crawl off the bed and hide on the other side, pressing myself into the corner between my bed and the wall. I grip my chest to try to calm myself from my panic attack but I am so far gone.
There's some yelling and a loud crash, but my mind is too foggy to know what's going on. I hear a slam somewhere and then it's quiet.
I feel a presence in front of me and I cower away, hiding my face in my knees.
"Bella?" A soft velvety voice pulls me out of my haze and I meet the pair of green eyes I loved.
Immediately I ache for comfort and I launch myself at him, crawling into his lap and holding onto him as if he was my lifeline.
A pair of strong arms wrap around my waist and he cradles me to his chest. This time, the touch feels safe, and I finally allow myself to relax, slumping into him.
His arms tighten around me and I feel his soft voice right in my ear, slowly but surely calming me down.
"You're safe, baby. He's gone. You're safe, I've got you." He continues to whisper reassurances but it does nothing to stop my hyperventilating.
"Please, love. I need you to breathe," Edward says, exaggerating his breathing, encouraging me to copy him. I try, taking large, shaky breaths, and exhaling in whimpers. I'm still attempting to wrap my head around what just happened.
"What do you need, Princess?" Edward asks, his lips against my hair.
"Just hold me. Please." I burrow myself deeper into his shirt, trying to make myself as small as possible.
Edward continues to rock me, and starts to hum something in my ear. A gorgeous melody I've never heard before. It almost lulls me to sleep, and after what's just happened, I want nothing more than to do just that. But I know I'm going to have to offer some kind of explanation and I need to know what happened with Jacob.
"Bella?" Edward finally asks. I don't know how long we've been sitting here. It feels like hours but I'm sure it hasn't been that long.
"Hmm?" I'm struggling to keep my eyes open, all of the fight having left my body.
"I'm going to move you onto the bed, alright? I need to get some ice for your face," he says.
I nod. Or at least, I try to, but the small movement is enough for him to register and he slips his hands under my knees, slowly standing and moving the couple of steps to my bed. He lays me down over my covers, but his entire face flares in anger when he takes in the state of my clothing. I lean against my pillows, not wanting to move, physically and emotionally exhausted.
My head is pounding and it feels like I'm floating. I'm aware of Edward moving around my room but I'm not registering anything that he's doing. I think he must leave at some point because somehow, Angela appears in front of me.
"Oh dear!" She gasps, taking in my state. I can't acknowledge her, frozen, staring at the wall, but she pulls something from my closet and changes me out of my ripped dress, into a nightgown.
How did everything change so quickly? I was sure that things couldn't get any worse. Although, did Jacob really do anything that terrible? Sure, he hit me, but so had my father. And we were going to do…that eventually, even though I thought we would wait until after we were married. And what had he mentioned about those other maids? Was that something he planned to continue after our wedding? The thought should have horrified me, but I was so numb in this moment, I couldn't find it in me to care.
The bed dips next to me, and I know Edward's back.
"Bella?" He says, trying to get my attention. When I don't respond, he presses something cold against my cheek, and takes one of my hands, linking our fingers together.
"How is she?" Another deep voice asks. It's Emmet.
"She hasn't really said anything," Edward says, keeping his voice low. "If I ever see that bastard again, I'm going to-"
"He left a few minutes ago," Emmet assures him. "He's gone."
"For now," Edward growls. "But what about in a few weeks? I'm supposed to just hand her over?"
"Do we have a choice?"
"No, you don't," I finally manage to get out.
"Princess," Edward sounds relieved that I've finally said something.
"You don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. But I'll be okay," I say. Even I don't believe myself.
"What happened?" Edward asks. Emmet hasn't left the room and made himself at home in the chair by the window which looks much too small for his large frame.
I glare at the heavy rock on my finger. "I-I don't know. After he proposed he left to go meet my father, so I stayed out there for a while and then I-" I choke back a sob, forcing myself to get it out. "I went back to my room and he was there. I didn't know what was happening and I didn't want him to do…" I press my hand over my mouth to stop my cries. "I tried to get him off me. But I couldn't."
Edward pulls me into his arms, keeping the ice pack he had on my cheek and I don't hesitate to lean into his shoulder. Whenever I'm with him, it's like my body is on autopilot, seeking him out. I take his hand, which looks red and bruised over the knuckles, gently running my fingers over it. "What did you do?"
"What needed to be done," is all he says, refusing to look at me.
"Emmet?" I turn to the man in the corner, hoping he would give me an explanation.
"I was in the hallway when I heard you screaming. I started off towards your room, but Edward was faster. We saw that piece of trash on top of you and he ripped him off of you," he says.
"So then how did this happen?" I ask, holding up Edward's hand.
"I may have punched him once...or five times," Edward admits. His voice is so small I almost don't catch the last bit.
"You what?" I turn to look at him in a panic. "You can't just punch a prince! Do you know what he could do to you?"
"I don't care," Edward stubbornly says.
"Well I do!"
"I don't think he's going to tell anyone," Emmet interrupts. "That prince of yours didn't even seem to think it was a big deal. Just shook it off and said he would see you at the wedding."
Not a big deal? How could Jacob just think what he did wasn't a big deal? That angered me more than anything. So this was something he considered normal? What was wrong with him?
I think Edward took my shaking as fear instead of rage because he was quick to assure me. "We can figure something out."
It wasn't his life to figure out. It was mine, and right now, even with the promises of Edward and Emmet, it all feels hopeless.