A/N: I'm almost completely pain free after a seven month battle with crippling sciatica!
Keys jangling as the front door opened pulled JJ from the fitful sleep she'd been in and out of all afternoon. She stared blearily over at her bedside clock, somehow able to register that it was just after 3:30pm, meaning that the person coming home could only be her mom.
"JJ? I'm home!" Sandy's voice hollered from the ground floor.
"In my room," JJ called back, rubbing her eyes as she pulled herself up to sitting with considerable effort. Gentle footsteps made their way up the stairs, drawing considerably closer until her mom appeared in the doorway.
"Hey, have you been up here all day?" Sandy asked, her brow furrowing as she looked JJ up and down with concern. "You need to eat Jayje, your body needs fuel and energy to heal properly"
"I ate, Mackenzie came over for a bit and brought food," JJ replied. "How was your day?"
Sandy sighed, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and smoothing down the front of her skirt. "Well, I sprung a pop quiz on my sophomores"
"You're the worst English teacher," JJ said with a smirk, making her mother laugh.
"No, after lunch I had to put Kyle Andersen in detention, and apparently that makes you the worst teacher on the planet. But coming from a snot nosed little freshman, that comment doesn't really sting that much"
JJ grinned, tipping her head back against her headboard.
"How about you though? Have you spoken to Will?"
JJ's smile slid off her face, her gaze dropping to her lap as she shook her head.
"I don't even... what did you guys even fight about? You haven't spoken in three days, it can't have been good"
"I got upset with him because he doesn't understand why I want to go straight back to training once my leg is healed. He sees me as this tiny little breakable princess and he wants to protect me all the time and I can't deal with it. I just... I got so frustrated. I was frustrated, and when he questioned why I want to go back, I just snapped"
Sighing, Sandy let a hand rest on the top of JJ's cast. "You've got to communicate with him hon. I know you were frustrated after you came home from the hospital, that's perfectly ok. You're so used to being up and active all the time, no-one was surprised you were a little out of joint after the accident. But men aren't mind readers. Hell, your dad and I have been married thirty years and sometimes I still think I'm going to have to tattoo my feelings across my face to get him to understand"
JJ let out a heavy breath, turning to look at her mom.
"I know it's not nice to fight. And I know sometimes it's really confusing and you can't really understand what you were fighting about in the first place. But you have to communicate with each other"
"I know," JJ mumbled. "I just... it wasn't even that in the end... before I told him to leave, he said he doesn't understand what I'm chasing. That I've already been to the Olympics once, so why am I risking injury by chasing it again? And... I kind of wondered if maybe he's right"
Sandy stared sadly at her daughter. "Honey, I don't think Will could ever fully understand it, but I also think he didn't really know what he was saying. People say odd things when they're upset"
"But what if he's right?"
"JJ, you are the only one that can decide what you want to do. I know it's not what you want to hear, but we can't give you the answer. I mean, if you want to talk to someone who might be able to give you some clarity, maybe you should talk to Nick?"
JJ sighed, slouching further down on the bed. Sandy gave her a small smile, leaning over and kissing her forehead.
"I'm gonna go and start dinner, ok? Don't stress too much about everything. It'll work itself out in the end"
"Nick?"
Hearing the familiar voice, Nick wheeled around from his spot at the edge of the trampolines to find JJ standing in the entryway. It was the following afternoon, and with her dad out of work early for the afternoon, she had asked him to drive her to the gym, wanting to follow her mother's advice of talking to her coach.
"Hey kiddo... what's up?" he asked curiously, stepping down from the platform and walking towards her.
"Can we talk?" she asked quietly. Concerned, but without hesitation, Nick nodded, leading her over to the deserted office and ushering her inside. He immediately pulled out his chair for her, helping her sit down and prop her leg up on another chair. When he was sure she was settled, he took a seat on the edge of his desk, folding his arms across his chest as he waited to see what she was going to say. An unsure silence prefaced their conversation, with JJ visibly trying to find the right words before she spoke.
"I... I don't know if I want to do this anymore," she finally said softly, avoiding Nick's gaze for fear of his reaction. A heavy silence fell in the room, and she found herself staring at the floor. She didn't want to look up. Nick's face would be nothing but sadness.
"But... why?" he finally asked, and the confusion in his voice sent a stab of guilt through JJ's stomach.
JJ shrugged. "I don't know"
"You don't know why you don't know if you want to do gymnastics anymore?" Nick queried, frowning as he looked across at the young athlete.
JJ shook her head, still refusing to look up at her coach. She could feel a lump forming in her throat, and had to quickly swallow it back. She didn't want to cry. Not now.
"JJ, look at me," Nick said gently, moving a little closer and grabbing Elliott's chair so he could sit at eye level with her.
Taking a deep breath to fight her cracking composure, JJ lifted her face to look at Nick. She was surprised to see concern written all over his face; she'd expected hurt, disappointment... maybe even a little anger.
"What's brought this on?" her coach continued in a soft voice. "Because a couple of weeks ago, I vividly remember you lying out there with a broken leg, gung-ho that you were going to Worlds"
JJ bit her lip, clenching her hands together as she looked down at the floor again. "Will and I... we had this fight, and... he said that... he doesn't understand why I'm still doing this. That I've been to the Olympics and won medals, I've had the highest success... so he doesn't understand why I'm still chasing it"
Nick frowned. "JJ, when have you ever let what anyone else thinks define what you do? You don't even listen to me some days, why would you let what Will says dictate what you're doing in this sport?"
JJ shook her head, looking up at Nick again. "No, it's not that... it's that, on some level... I think he's right"
Stunned was the only word JJ could have used to describe the expression gracing Nick's face after that.
"I don't know why I'm still chasing this... and I can't keep going like this, because I'm going to lose motivation and burn out," she continued, her voice now a little stronger.
Sighing, Nick leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and fixing his gaze directly on the young woman before him.
"JJ... all that stuff you've ever heard about how to succeed in high level sports, you've got to have a reason?" he said firmly. "Forget about it. It's all bullshit"
"But-"
Nick shook his head, pushing back so he was standing up straight in front of her. "You know, ever since you were about eight, all you ever told me was that you wanted an Olympic gold medal. You wanted that medal so badly, JJ, and you got it and then some. That was the only thing besides your love of gymnastics that propelled you to the Games. Already having two gold medals doesn't mean you're not allowed to want more. Look at Michael Phelps"
JJ sighed heavily. "I know"
"Hey, look at me," Nick said softly as her gaze drifted back to the floor. "Do you love gymnastics?"
JJ nodded.
"Do you enjoy training at the elite level and competing for your country?"
JJ nodded again.
Nick smiled. "Then that's all that matters kiddo. If you enjoy this sport and you want to keep working back to the Olympics, then that's good enough for you, and it's good enough for me. You don't need some divine God given reason to be doing what you're doing. Maybe, someday in the future, you'll find something that gives you that extra upwards push to keep going, but right now, all that matters is if you're having fun, and no-one else is allowed to have a say in that, ok?"
Nodding, JJ managed a small smile. "Yeah"
"I'm not forcing you to stay if you really don't want to, alright, if you actually want to leave it right now, then that's up to you. I just want you to understand that you don't need a reason to be in this sport, and you don't owe anyone an explanation if it's what you want"
"I'm not going to quit," JJ said quietly, looking up at Nick with a smile, the resolve stiffening in her chest.
Nick seemed to visibly relax, a smile crossing his face as he straightened up a little.
"That's what I like to hear," he said, his smile changing into his usual goofy grin.
"I think... what Will said scared me... especially since I've been kinda anxious ever since I broke my leg," JJ admitted.
"That's understandable," Nick said gently. "But I don't want you to worry about the leg, ok? It's going to heal and you'll be back in training before you know it"
JJ nodded, reaching for her crutches as she made to stand up. "I should probably get back to my dad, he's waiting outside"
Nick reached out, helping JJ to her feet. Once she was balanced, she turned and made her way towards the office door.
"Hey JJ?"
Looking back over her shoulder, JJ looked questioningly at her coach.
"Do me a favour... when you see Will next, tell him to pull his head out of his ass"
JJ burst out laughing, nodding in agreement as Nick opened the door for her.
"I'll see you in a few weeks, no more broken bones, otherwise Classics isn't going to happen," he teased.
"I promise," JJ said with a grin, giving her coach one final wave before making her way back out to where her dad was waiting in the car.