A/N: Short but angsty

The days that had followed leading up to the opening of the World Championships had been what JJ could only liken to a hurricane of activity. Training, conditioning, strength training, recovery, all of which had followed the horrendous flight delay out of Houston that left them stuck in Beijing Airport for nearly twelve hours. They had finally made it to Nanning, and days later, had been able to go to the Guangxi Gymnasium for podium training.

Qualifications had passed in a blur. Inevitably, Madison Desch had been relegated to team alternate, as the other six girls had all shown stronger performances in training. The team had stormed through into the final with a comfortable lead over their closest competitor, the Chinese. Individually, Simone and JJ had qualified to the all-around, beam, and floor finals. Simone had also qualified to the vault final, and JJ, the bars final. Kyla had qualified to the bars final as well, and Mykayla Skinner had qualified behind Simone for the vault final. She had also finished top eight for floor, but due to the two per country rule, being the third American qualified, she was not put through to the final, as had been the case with JJ on vault.

After another day of training and the team final looming ahead, the girls had a couple of hours to kill. Hence, they were relaxing in Simone and Mykayla's room, talking and laughing easily amongst each other.

"Man, today was so hard. I swear Martha is trying to kill us. Death by gymnastics. What a way to go," Simone said dramatically, flopping down on her bed beside JJ. The girls laughed, JJ playfully prodding Simone's side with her finger nail.

"At least you would die as the reigning world all-around champion," Mykayla teased. "Don't have to worry about having lost the title alive"

"Everyone is expecting me to win. Honestly, if I don't win, I'm probably just gonna kill myself to save having to deal with it," Simone giggled as the girls laughed.

"Don't say that," JJ snapped, her voice suddenly firmer than before. Simone looked at her in surprise, before grinning and giving JJ a playful shove.

"It's just a joke, Jayje, lighten up a little," she laughed. JJ swatted her hand away, rising up from the bed. She hardly noticed when the laughter died away on the other girls' faces.

"Jayje, I'm just messing," Simone said quietly. "It's fine, ok? I won't say it again"

"You shouldn't joke about shit like that, ever!" JJ said sharply, throwing Simone a deathly look before turning on her heel and leaving the room, slamming the door behind her and leaving the other girls to stare at each other in bewildered confusion.

She walked along the silent corridor, a swirl of emotions bubbling in her chest. Half of her wanted to yell, the other half wanted to cry. She knew she was exhausted and that that was playing a part in her outburst, but she hated feeling like this. It had been nearly ten years for crying out loud… was every mention of suicide, joking or not, always going to be so painful?

For when Simone had said it, the pain had ripped through her chest like a knife. She knew Simone was only messing around, and she knew Simone couldn't possibly know what was in her past, but she couldn't help but be angry at her friend for making such a flippant comment in the first place.

She let herself into the room she was sharing with Kyla, intending to go for a shower and let the hot water dissolve her feelings with them.

But no sooner had the door clicked shut behind her than she began to cry, the tears coming in great gasping sobs as she fell back against the door and sunk to the floor. She pulled her knees up to her chest, pressing her fists against her eyes and willing herself to pull it together.

She knew it was fruitless. Nine years had passed and still it was as if it was only yesterday Roslyn had died. Each milestone, each achievement was just one more thing Roz was never going to share with her.

Roz would have been twenty seven this year… would she have been married? Engaged? Maybe she would have even had a baby by now. She would've been the first person JJ would have told when she had lost her virginity with Will. The first person she would have called, hugged, and cried with after making the Olympic team-

"JJ?"

The small voice on the other side of the door was unmistakably Simone's. JJ hastily wiped her cheeks, trying to pull herself together.

"It's fine, Simone, just go back to your room," she said shakily, trying to conceal her tears in her voice. There was a short silence, and then a rustle as Simone audibly sat down on the other side of the door.

"You're sitting on the floor inside the door. And you sound upset," Simone said quietly. "I just want to make sure you're ok… I'm sorry about what I said. I was just joking around-"

"That doesn't make it ok!" JJ snapped, her voice cracking again.

"No, I know, I just wanted you to know that I wasn't trying to be nasty," Simone replied.

JJ stayed silent, trying to control her tears as they sat there, divided by the door.

"JJ?" Simone asked quietly a few minutes later. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?" JJ said shakily, the tiniest hint of annoyance carrying in her voice.

"You told me on the way to Belgium last year that you had an older sister who died"

JJ remained silent, squeezing her eyes shut as more tears bubbled over.

"Did she… JJ… did she commit suicide?"

Simone's voice was barely above a whisper but JJ still heard it. And as the truth always seemed to do, it seemed to twist in her chest, pulling a horrible sob from deep within her. Within seconds, she was crying again, her breath coming in short gasps and taking away her ability to speak.

"Please open the door," Simone said, and JJ was surprised to hear tears in her voice. With shaking hands, she shuffled back from the door, before reaching up and turning the handle enough to unlatch the door.

In a flash, Simone was through it, a flurry of arms and legs as she fell to the ground before JJ and threw her arms around her.

"JJ, I'm so sorry," she breathed through tears. "I shouldn't have said it… if I had known… god, I'm so sorry"

"It's ok," JJ managed to choke out as she clutched at her friend for comfort.

"No, it's not, it's horrible that you and your family went through that and I shouldn't have made a joke about it," Simone said shakily, pulling back and gripping JJ's hands tightly.

"Please don't tell any of the others," JJ pleaded softly. "It's… I've never told anyone. I hate talking about it"

Simone nodded. "I promise," she said. She gave JJ a sad look, before leaning in and pulling her into another hug. "I'm so so sorry"

"I know," JJ breathed, her breathing evening out as she rested her head against Simone's shoulder. "It's ok"