A/N: A lot of this is largely unchanged from the original, so sorry if you read it last time, but there are new additions and I feel it flows a teeny bit better! Stick with me, once we get past 2016, you are in for a WILD ride.

Will had barely slept.

Shaken by JJ's unexplained breakdown in the middle of the night, and simultaneously trying to stay alert in case she woke up in a state again, he'd hardly managed more than a twenty minute catnap at best.

When the first light of the sun began to show across the sky outside his window, he gave in, carefully pulling himself out of the bed so as not to wake JJ, and heading out into the main living area.

The first thing he did was start brewing a jug of coffee on the machine in the corner of the kitchen. Once the machine was set, he retreated to the couch, flopping back onto it as he dragged a tired hand down his face.

He was so tired that, despite the fact his mind was going a million miles a minute, exhaustion soon got the better of him. As soon as his eyes drifted closed, he was asleep.

"Will"

He jerked awake at the sound of his name, turning his head immediately as he rubbed his eyes. Standing on the other side of the coffee table was JJ, looking extremely pale, her eyes shadowed by the dark circles that had seemingly developed overnight.

"Hey," he mumbled, pulling himself up so he was sitting. "How'd you sleep?"

"Uh, fine, I guess... look, I think I'm gonna go home," JJ said quietly. "There's some stuff I need to do, and-"

"Wait, wait... you're gonna just up and leave after what happened last night?" Will clarified.

"I'm not talking about last night," JJ shot back darkly.

"No, maybe you don't want to, but maybe you need to," Will pushed, starting to get a little frustrated. He knew JJ better than anyone, and he knew what she was like when things starting getting too tough; she would push it all down and refuse to deal with it unless she was forced to.

"Stop acting like I need a shrink," JJ huffed, turning on her heel and heading back for the bedroom. Will jumped up, following her at a quick pace.

"JJ, I'm not saying you need a shrink, I'm saying that avoiding this is not healthy. You were up in the middle of the night, vomiting, drenched head to toe in sweat, from what, a nightmare?" he exclaimed, his voice starting to rise.

"I didn't feel well before I fell asleep," JJ replied as she started searching for her clothes.

"You had a complete meltdown on that bathroom floor last night!" Will cried. "JJ... I don't get you sometimes, ok? I love you but my god, you frustrate the shit out of me sometimes. You're hurting, JJ, you have been all year, and I want to help you, but I don't know how because you won't help me to! You were so close to telling me what's going on with you last night, but now you're sealed up tighter than Fort Knox, and ugh, JJ, I don't think you understand how frustrating this it!"

Slamming her phone down on the bedside table, JJ whirled around, tears in her eyes again.

"You think you're frustrated? You think you're angry? Try having your mind wage a ten year battle with itself, try doing what I do everyday while dealing with all this shit... you don't understand, and you're never going to!"

Taken aback by JJ's harsh reply, Will frowned.

Ten years... but that meant...

"JJ... is this about Roz?" he asked quietly.

The reaction was almost instantaneous. Giving up, JJ slumped onto the edge of Will's bed, tears dripping down onto the front of her sweater as the full weight of what she was going through slowly began to dawn on Will.

"It's ten years, isn't it? Next week," he said softly, tentatively sitting down beside her. Burying her face in her hands, JJ nodded as heavy sobs escaped her body, shaking her shoulders from the effort of trying to stifle them.

"I get it, ok... anniversaries are hard. They suck, because it's just another reminder that they aren't there-"

"I was the one who found her Will," JJ sobbed, lifting her face to look directly at him. "I was the one who found her dead in the bathtub at six in the morning with her wrists slashed open and her blood all over the floor"

Will looked stunned to say the least. JJ was one of the strongest girls he'd ever known, one of the strongest people... and she'd been carrying this dark secret for ten years.

"JJ, you never told me that," he breathed, reaching out and gently taking her hands.

"I've never told anyone," JJ said through her tears, dropping her gaze and avoiding Will's eye contact. "Only my parents and my brother know"

Will didn't know what to say. He had always known about Rosaline's death, having been close to the Jareau family growing up. But this... this dark secret... he couldn't fathom how JJ had been holding onto it for ten years and wasn't falling apart at the seams because of it.

"I was so angry at her," JJ choked out, breaking the momentary silence. "I hated her for years... I couldn't sleep for weeks afterwards. I'd wake up screaming every night. I ended up sleeping in my parents' room with my mom for a couple of months so I would feel safe. But I didn't feel safe... I just felt broken, and scared, and... betrayed"

"You were ten years old," Will reminded her, his voice barely above a whisper. "Something like that would traumatise a grown adult, JJ... you were just a child"

"I can't get it out of my head," JJ sobbed. "That's what happened last night... I had a dream... a nightmare, about finding her. I haven't had one since I was eleven... but she's there in my head, every day"

"Did your parents ever get you counselling?" Will asked. JJ nodded.

"I saw a grief counsellor for a year... nothing since then," she said tearfully, wiping her nose on her sleeve as Will put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.

"You shouldn't keep things like this to yourself," he said softly. "It just eats you up inside... and you of all people need your mental game in check"

"Do you think she's proud of me?" JJ asked quietly, turning to look at Will with watery blue eyes.

Smiling, Will kissed her cheek, kissing away a stray tear.

"Every day"

JJ's been a bit... funny, on social media lately. Not her usual self. Is everything ok with her?

I can't really say for sure. I'm not a mind reader, and I don't monitor the girls 24/7. What I will say, however, is that I've noticed this happens around this time every year (usually not this noticeably though). I could be totally wrong, so don't take my word as gospel for this, BUT, I'm pretty sure I remember JJ saying something a few years ago about having a sister who passed away, so like... maybe this is around the time it happened? As someone who lost someone close to me at a younger age, anniversaries can be really hard, and I'm wondering if that's the reason we see a shift in JJ's personality around this time of year. She's not invincible, as awesome as she is, and as sad as it is that she's clearly going through some stuff, she always bounces back.

Do you think there's anything JJ needs to work on to remain in contention for an Olympic spot next year?

Um... not really. Haha. Just consistency. She's been tremendous with her DTY on vault, and she's never majorly missed a beam routine to date, and her floor is usually pretty good, but it's bars and the big beam errors she needs to work on. Obviously its early in the season, so she could come out at Worlds and be like 'hey guys, I've had it together for ages' and absolutely SLAY, which wouldn't surprise me, but yeah... if she wants to go to Rio, other than staying healthy, she's just got to hammer out the minor issues across her events, and get her new upgrades consistent.

What do the gymnasts do with their Olympic medals? I'd be locking mine away somewhere safe!

So would I, if only because I'd knock them over and drop them and the like. Someone actually asked all the most recent Olympic girls this, and I'm pretty sure all five of them have them out on display, which, you know, they're Olympic medals, they should be super proud of them! Compare that to Shannon Miller who keeps hers in a safe, but to be fair, Shannon has two small children running her world right now. I know for sure JJ displays hers, if only because Aly said in a recent interview that if JJ keeps winning at her current rate, her display shelf is "going to tip over" haha.

After opening her heart to Will, JJ had spent the rest of the afternoon feeling incredibly vulnerable. They'd spent the afternoon cuddled on the couch watching Netflix, before JJ had left in near silence to go home in the evening.

She'd walked through the front door and dropped her bag at her feet. Her parents were in the lounge room right by the front door, laughing at something on the TV. She was glad they were laughing. One of the worst days of the year for them was coming up… laughter was always the best medicine.

"Hey sweetie. Your mom and I are about to start dinner if you're hungry," Michael called out once he noticed JJ standing in the entryway.

Emotionally battered from the last 24 hours, all JJ could do was break down in tears yet again, too exhausted to keep up a brave front.

Stunned, both Michael and Sandy leapt up from their seats, approaching her quickly but calmly.

"What's the matter? Did something happen with you and Will?" Sandy asked as Michael went to his daughter's side and put a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"No… I keep… I keep thinking about Roz," JJ said tearfully. "I've started having the nightmares again"

Her heart tugging painfully, Sandy swallowed thickly, reaching out and pulling JJ into a tight hug as Michael wrapped his arms around both of them.

It was painful. It hurt, every day.

But they were all stronger than the pain. And get through it again, they would.

Together.