A/N: This one was tricky to write but I got there in the end!
Standing silently in the entrance to the kitchen, JJ felt helpless as she watched her dad where he stood in front of the coffee machine. He was humming softly to himself, tinkering around as if their world hadn't been completely uprooted. Even as she watched him, even as she took in how thin he had become, it was hard to believe that underneath his skin, the monster was lurking, waiting to pull him further away from the man everyone had always known him to be until he was taken away from them completely.
For three days, she had stayed in bed, feeling as though the weight of the world had settled on her chest. Rising only to use the bathroom, and eat when her mom pestered her, she had spent the majority of her time since that devastating revelation simply sleeping it all away. Except it wasn't going away. And every day that she tried to push it away was just one less day she had to cherish the time they had left.
Upstairs, her phone sat untouched on her bedside table, her notifications flooded with messages. No-one apart from Nick yet knew the tragedy that had struck her family, but her radio silence from everyone had obviously sparked some level of concern. Every single message remained unopened, her phone completely ignored since her dad had brought her home.
Forcing herself to move, she slowly made her way across the kitchen, her body exhausted with shock and grief. As she approached, the sound of her feet shuffling across the tiles made her dad turn, his tired face breaking into a sad smile as he saw her coming towards him.
"Thought we were gonna have to call in a removalist team to get you out of that bed," Michael chuckled, throwing her his usual cheeky look as he took a sip from his coffee.
JJ stared at him, her mind unable to process everything at once. In her chest, she could feel the lump of emotion growing bigger and bigger with every second. Realising she wasn't going to be able to vocalise anything at all, she instead moved forward, throwing her arms around her dad's midsection. Michael stumbled back slightly, surprised at the sudden gesture. Carefully setting his mug down on the counter, he wrapped his arms around her, giving her a gentle squeeze. The touch was all it took for JJ to break down yet again, the tears spilling down her pale cheeks.
"Don't cry, JJ," Michael said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I know it's horrible... I know... but I don't want you to be so upset"
"How can I not?" JJ sobbed. "You're... you don't even look that sick"
Letting out a heavy sigh, Michael leaned back, prompting JJ to lift her head so she could look him in the eyes. "I know. That's the deceiving part. Apart from being a little on the thin side lately, I don't look as sick as I am. But I'm in pain, JJ. I'm struggling more and more every day to eat... I want to take these good days and make the most of them, because I don't know how many of them I have left"
JJ sniffed, her gaze dropping as Michael gently tipped her chin back up. "JJ, I know it's awful. But I don't want this to stop you from achieving any of those big, beautiful goals you have for your future. You've got an amazing life ahead of you, peanut... don't let this get in the way"
Pulling her back in, he hugged her tightly, both of them savouring that they still had time to share with the other, even if they didn't know how long it was for.
Later that evening, darkness shrouded her, as it had for three days with no end in sight. Curtains had stayed drawn, lights had stayed off, and she had stayed resolutely under the covers. Gym was at the back of her mind... in fact, everything was.
"JJ, dinner's ready if you're hungry," came her mother's voice from the slightly open door. JJ ignored her, keeping her back to the door. She wasn't hungry. She hadn't been hungry in days.
The mattress shifted, indicating to JJ that her mom had sat down on the edge of the bed. She burrowed tighter into the ball she had curled into, pulling the blankets higher towards her chin.
"You can't spend the rest of your life hiding from it," Sandy said softly, reaching out and squeezing JJ's shoulder. JJ automatically shied away from the touch. "Have you spoken to Will?"
"No," JJ whispered.
"Looks like he wants to talk to you," Sandy pushed gently as JJ's phone buzzed with yet another message. Glancing down at the newest message, she looked pointedly at her daughter. "He seems worried"
"How are you so ok with this?" JJ breathed suddenly, tears beginning to spill from her eyes as she pushed herself up to face her mom. "How?"
"I'm not," Sandy replied firmly. "I'm not, JJ. But you know what? There's nothing we can do to change that. All we have now is the time we have left... and we have to make the most of it. If it means putting up a brave face when you feel like your world is falling apart, then so be it"
JJ listened, squeezing her eyes shut against the tears as her mom's perspective came pouring out, all cards on the table.
"I've loved your father for 34 years... for 34 years, he's been the rock at the center of my world. We've had a wonderful life, with its ups and downs... we married young, settled down, built a life... a family. One of our children may not still be here, but the two that are have made us prouder than we could care to imagine. I can't believe this is how our life together is going to end, but there's nothing I can do to make a difference in that. It's awful, and it hurts, but we have to just take it head on. We might have six months, we might have four, we might have a year... in the end, all that matters is that we have always grabbed life by the horns and made the most of everything we had. But we have to remember that we're not in this alone... this is a battle we fight together"
JJ took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. Her mom may have spoken of Michael being the rock of the family... but right now, for JJ, her mom was the strongest person she knew. She couldn't imagine facing the same situation with Will and being as calm and collected as her mom was right now.
"Don't push everyone away," Sandy said softly. "You're going to need all the support you can get this year with everything going on"
"I don't want to think about the Olympics," JJ breathed.
"Then don't think about them. Think about gymnastics. Just take it one step at a time," Sandy said, reaching out and gently rubbing JJ's back.
"Dad wants me to keep going," JJ replied softly. "I'm not sure right now what I want to do... part of me wants to throw in the towel now, but something is stopping me"
"Because, deep down, I think you still want to do gymnastics. You're just experiencing an emotional shock"
JJ fell into a tense silence, chewing the nail on her thumb as her mom watched her closely.
"We don't want to pressure you into something you're not feeling capable of handling... but the day he was diagnosed... your dad took the news very well, and you want to know why?"
JJ shrugged.
"He knew he was going home to watch you compete in qualifications at Worlds. To him, nothing matters more, nothing makes him happier, than seeing you perform well in the sport you've trained your whole life. And it's not out of being a pushy gym parent... it just gives him so much joy to watch you compete"
JJ let out a heavy breath. She knew that her gymnastics was one of the things her father was always most passionate about. As well as that, it was becoming clearer that both of her parents were right; somewhere, deep inside, that passionate flame to go back to the Olympics was still burning.
"I'll think about it," she said slowly. "I do still love gymnastics... and maybe it'll give Dad something to take his mind off... everything else"
Managing a smile, Sandy wrapped her arms around JJ, giving her a warm hug of the type only a mother could give. They stayed there for a while, trying to let everything sink in, until they were interrupted by a gentle knock at the door.
Lifting her face from her mom's shoulder, JJ was surprised to see Will standing in the doorway, his face written all over with concern.
"I'll leave you guys alone," Sandy said softly, rising from the bed. Giving JJ a reassuring smile, she made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her and leaving the two of them alone in the darkness of JJ's room.
Will took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair as he came to sit beside her on the bed. "Sorry for just showing up, but... I had to see if you were ok. The only thing stopping me from... I don't know, calling the police, was that your parents would've called me if something had happened to you... JJ, what's going on? You haven't answered any of my messages, you've been ignoring my calls... I've been really worried about you," he said gently.
Right now was her chance to tell him, but she felt like she was tongue tied. It seemed so easy to just open her mouth and say it, but suddenly, it was nearly impossible to force the words out of her mouth.
"Is everything alright?" Will asked, bringing a hand up to rest gently on her upper arm.
The dam broke and she started to cry, her hands shaking as she brought them up to her face. Will responded in the only way he knew how; gathering her into a tight hug and letting her cry into his chest.
"My dad's dying," she sobbed, her voice muffled by his shirt. "They've given him six months"
Will felt like his stomach had dropped through the floor; he held JJ tighter, tipping his chin down and pressing a comforting kiss to the top of her head. What did you say to someone who was losing their father to cancer?
"That's so fucked, JJ... babe... I'm so sorry," he said quietly, rocking her slightly from side to side as her sobs quietened down a little. Despite all the sadness she was feeling, she was emotionally exhausted. There was no energy left in her to cry, and so she settled for staying still in his arms, allowing the comfort and strength of his embrace to wash over her. She was so drained that she barely registered when Will pulled them both to lay down, cradling her against his chest and stroking her hair.
After some time of this, when he was sure JJ had calmed down, Will spoke up. "How are you holding up?"
JJ sniffed, focusing her gaze on his T-shirt as she spoke. "I don't know. My mom and dad are pretty calm. Upset, but calm. I just... I don't know. It's a lot to process," she explained in a small voice. Flicking her eyes up to Will's, she took a deep breath. "I thought about quitting gymnastics"
"Are you going to?" Will asked calmly.
"I seriously considered it... but I had a talk with my mom just before you got here, and it made me realise... gymnastics has been the one constant in my life. Through all the bad shit that's ever happened, I've always had a safe place in that gym, I've always had someone to turn to in Nick... and it makes my dad happy," JJ rambled. "Up until this afternoon, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but now I think... I'm going to keep going. Because my dad needs something to keep his spirits up, he needs something to look forward to... and I think I'd miss it too much if I quit now"
"I think you'll find you hold onto it even more this year than you ever had before," Will said knowingly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
As she relaxed into his hold, JJ managed her first real smile in days. Life was throwing some pretty hard curveballs. Shit was going to get tough, she knew that.
But gymnastics had always been her crutch. And she was going to continue to allow it that role in her life, because there were still dreams to make a reality, there was still room to improve, and there were still a million smiles to make appear on her father's face.