A/N: I'd have some tissues ready.
It had to be the longest twelve minutes of her life.
The nervous laughter that murmured through the room every now and then from someone or another did absolutely nothing to dissipate the tension that was hanging in the air like a thick fog.
In their red, white and blue Team USA warm-ups, JJ, Aly, Maddie, Laurie, Simone, and Maggie were all sitting in one row along the far side of the room. Over to their left, some of the coaches and a few of the other girls were sitting in near silence; Ashton was anxiously scrolling through her phone.
On their other side, Nick and Mihai were sitting quite calmly beside Aimee and Maggie. The two men were chatting quietly, and it was almost bizarre to JJ how calm they were. But then again, they had experienced this four years ago, and it wasn't nearly as nerve wracking to be the coach as it was to be the athlete trying to make their dreams come true.
As she was swallowing thickly to try and quell the nausea in her throat, Aly reached over and took her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.
"Don't forget to breathe," she said with a little chuckle. JJ looked up, giving her a small smile. Part of her was glad to see that Aly looked as nervous as she did; Aly was probably guaranteed a spot on the team, and yet, everyone in the room knew nothing was a given until all the cards were on the table.
Looking up at the clock on the wall, JJ let out a heavy breath.
7:53.
"God, I don't remember, was it this painful in 2012?" Will groaned, shifting in his seat once again. The lights had come up on the entire arena, and everyone was chatting anxiously as they awaited the moment in which the Olympic team was announced.
"I wanted to barf. Mom just about cut off Dad's circulation to his fingers, she was holding onto him that tightly," Jason replied. Glancing down at his phone, which had started buzzing in his hand, he chuckled. "Speak of the devil"
Answering the call, he put it on speaker, the volume just loud enough for the Jareau clan to hear as they all leaned into a huddle.
"Hey Mom, you're on speaker with all of us"
"Hey, how's everyone hanging in there?"
"Nervous as all hell. Only about five minutes to go according to the timer on the jumbotron," Jason replied. "How's Dad?"
"He's awake and he's watching, but he's exhausted. I think he wants them to hurry up so he can get some rest"
Jason and Nandy both laughed. "Sounds like Dad," Jason chuckled. "You saw JJ's floor routine, right?"
"Oh my god, yes, it was the best I've ever seen her do it. I would've cried about it too"
"Did they show the final scores on the TV?"
"No… I mean, it's Trials, they don't really matter do they?"
"Well no, but… JJ finished less than a tenth behind Simone"
"No way!"
"Yep. To think if she'd nailed that vault landing on Friday night, she'd have the guaranteed spot"
"That's crazy"
"Mom, I'm gonna go, they're starting to gear up for something and it's getting loud in here, but I'll talk to you later"
As Jason ended the call, Will sat back in his seat, jiggling his leg anxiously. He had watched the 2012 Trials live… but he didn't remember them being this nerve-wracking.
When the door to the holding room opened after nearly twenty minutes of anxious murmuring and near silence, everyone in the room fell completely and totally silent.
Terin Humphrey and Steve Rybacki walked in first, stepping off to the side as Marta came in and smiled at the girls, a rough piece of paper clutched in her hands.
"Wonderful competition girls, you have all competed beautifully and should be very proud," she said warmly.
JJ closed her eyes, unable to watch Marta's body language. Seconds to go. And sure enough, ever straight to the point, Marta dove straight in.
"The girls on the team are Simone Biles, Laurie Hernandez, Jennifer Jareau, Madison Kocian, and Aly Raisman. The alternates are Gabby Douglas, Ragan Smith, and Mykayla Skinner"
The shift in the room was incredible. JJ couldn't help it, breaking down into tears of relief, while Ashton Locklear burst into tears of utter devastation. Excited half squeals escaped from both Laurie and Simone, while Madison looked utterly stunned.
"Congratulations girls," Marta said with a smile. "Very well deserved"
Moments later, the girls who hadn't made the cut were being ushered out of the room with their coaches, while the girls who had were finally letting out the breaths they had been holding since the end of the competition.
"I knew you were going to be on the team," Nick chuckled as he approached JJ and pulled her into a hug. "I just didn't want to freak you out"
"I kinda knew too… I just didn't want to get my hopes up in case I completely fell apart," JJ said, her bright eyes shining in the low light of the room.
"Girls, we need to get you into your Olympic warm-ups for the official announcement, so if you could please change quickly. And, I know this is a wonderful moment, and very emotional, but could we please try to keep the tears to a minimum at least while you're being presented to the crowd and photographed. You all looked like Christmas was cancelled in 2012"
Tension broken, the girls all laughed at Marta's comment. JJ looked pointedly at Aly, who had been the perpetrator of the ugly crying at the team announcement four years ago.
Ten minutes, eight sets of blue warm-ups, and eight beautiful patriotic flower bunches, the girls were being led out to the floor of the arena in complete and total darkness, the only light being the one on the floor, where Steve Penny was standing. They were stopped at the edge of the athlete entrance, an attempt to try and keep them concealed from the crowd just a little bit longer.
"Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the president and CEO of USA Gymnastics, Steve Penny!"
"I'm startin' to feel sick," Will said quietly to Jason as Steve walked to the edge of the floor.
"Only gets worse the more names they call out," Jason advised.
As the crowd cheered excitedly, Steve raised his microphone to his mouth.
"Good evening! What an amazing night of gymnastics we've had here in San Jose!"
Through the darkness, the girls were all led to stand at the edge of the floor, by the stairs, awaiting their cue to go up.
"It's now my great pleasure to introduce to you the five ladies who will represent the United States of America in Rio de Janiero!" Looking up, Steve smiled. "Three time World Champion, Simone Biles!"
The lights shifted, putting a huge spotlight on the floor as Simone ascended the stairs and ran out with a wave to the screaming crowd, tears of joy and relief glistening on her cheeks.
"Making her first Olympic team… Laurie Hernandez!"
With all the energy of an excited first year senior, Laurie ran out to join Simone, the two embracing tightly as they stood beneath the heavy lights of the arena. Laurie's smile was lighting up the arena all on its own.
"Returning to the Olympic Games, 2012 Olympic gold medallist, Jennifer Jareau!"
Collectively, JJ's group of supporters all leapt out of their seats, cheering ecstatically as she ran out to join her Olympic teammates. Simone was the first to reach her, her tears starting to break through her stronghold as the two wrapped each other into a tight hug.
Back home in Pennsylvania, Sandy burst into tears the moment JJ's name left Steve's lips.
"She did it Michael, she's going to Rio," she sobbed, squeezing her husband's hand and leaning over to press a loving kiss to his cheek. "Our baby girl did it again"
So tired he could barely keep his eyes open, Michael managed the strongest smile he'd mustered in weeks, topping it off with a squeeze of Sandy's hand. It was enough for Sandy to know that he had understood. He was happy, and he was proud as he could be.
"The reigning World champion on bars… Madison Kocian!"
By the time Maddie joined them on the floor, Laurie was struggling to keep it together, her joy and emotion at making the team just seconds away from exploding through. Sensing this, JJ kept a tight arm around her younger teammate's shoulders to keep her grounded long enough to get through the photos.
"And the second member of the Fierce Five, 2012 Olympic gold medallist, Aly Raisman!"
The crowd was now nothing but a deafening roar as Aly jogged out to join the four of them waiting on the floor. After hugging the younger three tightly, she reached JJ, who let go of Laurie just long enough for Aly to pull her into a purely bone crushing hug.
Up in the stands, Will was struggling himself to keep it together. He was so unbelievably proud of JJ, and had underestimated by far just how emotional the team announcement would be. His beautiful girl was an Olympian again.
"They will be joined by the three replacement athletes. Please welcome Mykayla Skinner, Ragan Smith, and Gabby Douglas!"
The three alternates joined them, all looking crestfallen; the vast majority of alternates would never end up stepping foot on the Olympic stage. Nonetheless, they still looked somewhat happy to have made it as far as they did. There were more hugs, and the beginnings of tears. As Aly moved to hug Gabby, JJ turned and pulled Laurie into another tight hug. Laurie clutched at her, and JJ knew immediately she had lost her grip and dissolved into tears.
"These are your Olympic team members for 2016!"
Confetti and streamers fell from the ceiling, sending them into a complete flurry of red, white, and blue.
"We're going to Rio, Laurie," JJ said through a burning smile. She wanted to cry as well, but that was nothing new. She'd been on the cusp all day.
"I can't believe it," Laurie sobbed as JJ pulled away and placed her free hand on her teammate's shoulder. "I did it"
JJ beamed, giving Laurie one more quick squeeze before they joined the mingling group.
After a few team photos, and a rousing chant of 'U-S-A!' the eight girls were led from the floor to mingle on the arena floor, where all the national team staff, the remaining girls who hadn't made the team, a number of media reporters and even the odd celebrity or two, were all waiting around as the music played loudly and the crowd continued to cheer.
Aly quickly found JJ in the craziness, pulling her over to where Andrea Joyce was waiting to speak with them. It took a few moments before they were ready in front of the NBC camera, but once they were, it went live almost instantly.
"After the year of personal adversity she's had, many people were ready to count her out of the Olympic picture, but if there's anything Jennifer Jareau proved tonight, it's that she's not done until she says she is, JJ, just how emotional is this moment for you tonight?"
"It's unbelievable," JJ said, reaching up to wipe away a few stray tears from beneath her eye. "This year has been the hardest year of my life… most people probably know that my dad is really sick, he's dying from cancer…"
Losing her composure, she was unable to speak further as she dissolved into tears, prompting Aly to wrap her arms around her and hold her tight.
"JJ's goal tonight was to go out there and make her dad really proud of her, and I know she's done that, she would've done that if she finished dead last and didn't make the team, but to have made the team in his honour, it's a really special moment, we're all really proud of her," Aly continued without missing a beat.
"Aly, you always say that the less you think, the better you compete, but clearly when you came out of that room, a lot going on in your head, can you describe what this is like?"
"Ah, it doesn't sink in at all, I'm just so excited, and obviously words can't describe how much it means to me to make a second Olympic team, when we were trying these warm-ups on I was like 'JJ, I can't believe we actually did it!'. I mean, we both came back to the sport after London, and this was our goal, and hopefully we can bring Team USA to another gold medal together, we're just so excited"
"Congratulations girls. JJ, I know myself and many others will be keeping you and your family in our thoughts, and in the meantime, we'll see you both in Rio"
"Thank you," Aly gushed, watching as Andrea walked off to find Simone, before giving JJ a tight and comforting hug.
"Thank you for that," JJ choked out; she hated to think what it would have looked like if she'd been interviewed alone and broken down like that.
"I know you made him proud," she whispered as JJ sobbed on her shoulder. "Why don't we go find Nick so you can get to the airport? I think there's a more important place you need to be right now"
Managing a nod, JJ straightened up, allowing Aly to lead her around the floor in search of her coach.
The pit of dread in her stomach had settled in even further.
"JJ, I need you to come with me, we're setting up a press event with all five girls on the team, the others are already heading over to the conference room," Steve said, holding out an arm to direct JJ down the hallway. She had barely located Nick when Steve had come around and rounded up all five girls on the team, leading them towards a conference room in the belly of the arena. As they had reached the main hallway, she had tried to break free, but a throng of journalists and photographers were milling through, also heading in the same direction, and JJ felt like she was being swept along with the crowd.
"I can't do media, Steve, I'm changing my flight," JJ said thickly. "I have to go home"
"Just half an hour, it puts on a good front for the team. You, Aly and Simone are the most known athletes, I need all of you there," Steve said, his voice much firmer. "You're coming with me"
"Steve," Nick called from behind JJ, his frown intensifying as Steve commandingly put a hand on JJ's shoulder and began steering her towards the conference room.
"Please don't," JJ said stiffly, shrugging out of Steve's grasp as they turned the corner into a room that was absolutely packed with reporters. The other four girls were standing near the foot of the steps of a dais, waiting to be told to take their seats.
"Just half an hour, twenty minutes even-"
"Steve, I can't, I'm changing my flight and I'm going home tonight-"
"I need you to do this JJ-"
"No Steve, I don't care what you need, I'm going home to see my dying father!" JJ snapped, the tears starting to flood down her cheeks again. "I'm not doing media because my dad is dying, I don't even know if I'm going to make it home in time! I told you I couldn't and you wouldn't listen to me! I'm going home!"
Steve stepped back, shocked at JJ's outburst as Nick wrapped an arm around her and quickly bundled her out of the room before the cameras could start clicking.
Duffels over their shoulders, it was with their comfiest clothes thrown on that Nick and JJ left the arena through one of the side doors about twenty minutes later. JJ had her hood pulled up to hide her face, the tears still slowly trickling down her face now that they had started again.
"Jayje, wait here," Nick said softly a few feet away from the door. She didn't argue, stopping where she stood as he walked off ahead of her.
A crowd of eager gymnastics fans had gathered near the walkway to the door, obviously knowing it was where the gymnasts would be leaving for the night. With a somber expression, Nick approached them.
"Guys, I'm about to walk past here with JJ so we can get a car to the airport, I'm gonna ask you to please pretend we're not here, ok? JJ's going through some really tough stuff right now and she's a bit upset, so please, no asking for photos or autographs or anything like that, just pretend she's not even here"
Even though the kids' faces fell, they nodded, watching as he walked back to get JJ and then calmly led her to the curb with a protective arm around her shoulder.
It was time to go home…
… and start saying goodbye.