A/N: Oh man.
What did you think of JJ's performance at Trials? Do you think she deserves that spot on the team?
I'm answering your second question first and saying absolutely. She went out there and fought tooth and nail for her spot on the team, and honestly? She's had that spot all quad so long as she was healthy. She's fantastic. Her performances at Trials... wow. She finished less than a tenth behind Simone in the all-around rankings, so Rio is going to be VERY interesting indeed. I have to give the girl serious props for competing the way she did with everything that was going on at home, and while that could be a hindrance in Rio, she proved to Marta last year that she can handle the pressure when everything's falling apart back home, and clearly Marta knows she will go and get the job done, or she wouldn't have put her on the team.
Now that Simone is definitely going to Rio, I'm almost certain she's going to win the all-around. Who do you think are the best bets for silver and bronze?
A year ago, I 100% would have agreed with that sentiment, even with the knowledge that anything can happen in gymnastics. But, I have to recind that right now... yes, Simone is a heavy favourite and will probably knock it out and take home gold, but there's someone who, surprisingly, is likely to give Simone a serious challenge for that gold medal, and that someone is Jennifer Jareau. If you'd told me during London that she would become an all-around threat for Rio, I'd have laughed in your face. But she has done some serious upgrading and improving, and I wouldn't be surprised if she comes insanely close to Simone in all-around rankings. As for silver and bronze, well, silver will go to the second American, which at this rate, knowing Simone will be in the all-around, is most likely going to be JJ, and if it's not JJ, it'll be Aly Raisman. As for bronze, there's about ten who could possibly factor in. Shang Chunsong, Ellie Black, Ellie Downie, Aliya Mustafina, Angelina Melnikova... just to name a few. Bronze will come down to who has the day of their life, basically.
Now that we know the US team (YAY!), which medals do you think they will take home in Rio?
They could very easily take home eleven of eleven possible medals, but I think it's safer to say they're almost certain to take home ten. One from the team, two in the all-around, vault, beam, and floor, and one on bars. The ONLY question mark is JJ on bars. Madison is in that final regardless, but the eleventh medal will just depend on JJ's performance on the event. She can do it, but bars are where she unravels pretty quickly if it's not 100% on, so we'll have to see. But if she does manage... well, home girl might very likely win six medals in Rio. Like, holy crap, amiright?
She had been dreading arriving at camp. Surely by now, all the girls were aware of what had happened, and being inundated with sympathy was something she didn't think she could handle.
But, much to her relief, there'd been no drama, no hysterics, no performance. As she had walked along the wooden path outside the dorms, Aly just behind her, the other six girls had wordlessly approached and each given her a tight hug, expressing all the sympathy they needed to without ever saying a word. For that reason, she had held it together, despite feeling like an exhausted wreck.
Later that evening, they had all settled in. Simone and Laurie were being their usual energetic and loud selves after being assured by JJ that being happy and bubbly wasn't going to upset her. With sunset drifting across the ranch, the girls were now sitting down to the first of their carefully prepared meals of the Olympic training camp.
Wordlessly moving along the buffet as she pushed her empty plate along the slider, Simone and Laurie chatting behind her, JJ looked miserably at all the food before her. Boiled vegetables in lemon juice, chicken or beef, a pasta option, among other things. It all looked delicious, but at the same time, she wasn't very hungry.
A light tap on her upper arm made her turn to find Rhonda Faehn, the senior vice president of USA Gymnastics, looking at her with a gentle smile. Without a word, Rhonda pulled JJ into a warm hug, a gesture that was completely genuine, and one that JJ appreciated immensely.
"How are you holding up?" she asked softly as she pulled away, her demeanour so reassuring that JJ immediately felt more relaxed than she had all week.
"I'm ok," JJ breathed, partially avoiding Rhonda's gaze. She knew from the silence that followed that Rhonda hadn't bought her response at all, but moments later, she was thankful that she didn't question it.
"You're stronger than a lot of people give you credit for JJ. If you need anything over the next few weeks, don't hesitate to come to me, ok?" Rhonda said gently, placing a hand on JJ's shoulder.
Nodding, JJ lifted her eyes, managing a tiny smile.
"You better grab something to eat... Marta's already a little concerned about you. If you don't eat, it might send her into the first ever showing of her grandma mode," Rhonda said lightly, half grinning as she spoke.
JJ wanted to laugh at the idea of Marta fussing over her, but she didn't have the energy. Instead, she just nodded again, turning back towards the buffet to grab some food as Rhonda slowly turned and went to rejoin the coaches at the back of the dining hall.
Settling on a spoonful of the vegetables, two pieces of chicken, and a bread roll, JJ headed back over to the table where all the other girls had already sat down and started eating. They were talking loudly, animatedly... exactly as she wished she had the energy to do. Seating herself down at the very end of the table, one seat away from Madison, she stared down at her plate. She still wasn't hungry, but heaving a heavy sigh, she picked up her fork and speared a piece of carrot.
As she lifted it to her mouth, she noticed out of the corner of her eye that someone had shuffled down the table to sit across from her. When she looked up, expecting Aly or Simone, she was surprised to find Mykayla sitting diagonally across from her.
"Hope you don't mind," Mykayla said softly, casting JJ a warm smile. "Just didn't want you sitting alone"
JJ felt a curious mixture of emotions bubbling in her chest. First and foremost was frustration... just three days ago, she had seen a tweet that Mykayla had retweeted. It was from someone who had photoshopped Mykayla over JJ on the official Olympic team photo, clearly thinking Mykayla deserved the spot more. And judging from her response, Mykayla at least partially agreed.
"You'd rather I wasn't here altogether though," JJ muttered darkly, pulling the carrot off her fork with her teeth and chewing it slowly. Mykayla sighed, nodding in understanding.
"It was stupid... to share that photo. Even if everything in your life was... as normal right now... I'd still feel just as bad. After everything you've been through, JJ... you deserve that spot a thousand times more than I do. As much as it pains me to admit that, because I want this as much as anyone... but you really do. Deserve it more, I meam"
Swallowing the mouthful of food, JJ studied Mykayla, maybe hoping to decipher if she was lying. But as far as she could tell... the younger girl was being totally genuine.
"Thank you," she said quietly.
"You know... I know you're feeling shitty right now... but you shouldn't isolate yourself from the girls. They're your team... they're here to support you, and they'll get you through this"
JJ looked down the table, where Simone was trying to balance a carrot on her nose amidst hysterical laughter.
She cracked the smallest of smiles.
"Yeah... I know they will... I just need a little bit of time to let it all sink in... we only had the funeral yesterday," JJ replied, fighting to keep her voice level.
Mykayla nodded. She might not have lost her dad, but clearly she understood JJ's loss to some sort of degree.
"Well... in the meantime, maybe you'd like this video my cousin sent me of her pug the other day. I couldn't stop laughing, I nearly wet myself"
Intrigued, JJ leaned over as Mykayla opened the video on her phone and pressed play.
Moments later, she couldn't stop the laughter that was escaping her as the two of them sat there watching the antics of the little pug.
And for a moment... she felt like, just maybe, everything would be ok.
Their first training session the next morning was just as intense as she had ever expected. Eager to throw herself into her routines, she had shut herself down, going through the motions of her skills one by one. Coaches had come up to her, offering their condolences, and adding their positive affirmations about how much strength she was showing by being at the camp.
But barely half an hour into training, before she even knew what was happening, she cracked, tears spilling over and cascading down her cheeks as she looked up to find Nick hurriedly approaching her.
"JJ?"
"I can't do this," she gasped, a sob immediately following her words. "Everyone keeps telling me how brave and strong I am, and I'm not! Why should I have to be brave and strong when all this fucked up shit keeps happening to me? Why am I not allowed to be sad about this?"
"JJ-"
"Why can't I ever catch a goddamn fucking break? I just want to be happy, I just want to be left alone to do what I need to do and I can't because everyone is hovering around me like I'm made of fucking glass!"
"JJ," Nick said softly, looping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her off the floor as the others stared in bewilderment. "Come on, let's go outside"
"Don't touch me!" JJ yelled, angrily shoving him away. Overwhelmed with tears, she stormed towards the entrance in a hysterical flood and let herself out into the Texas heat.
"I knew that was coming," Nick said softly as everyone stared at him in shock. "She'll be alright. She just needs to let it out. I'll bring her back in when she's calmed down"
Bowing his head, he made his way out of the gym, exiting into the blistering sunshine. At first, he found the area in front of the gym deserted. He looked over towards the dorms, wondering if she had decided to explode in the privacy of her room, but as he turned his head back towards the parking lot, he spotted her out of the corner of his eye. She was sitting on top of a large rock over near a little patch of trees, her knees pulled up to her chest, her shoulders heaving with sobs.
Hesitantly, he walked over to her, his feet crunching the gravel as he approached. He came to a stop a few feet behind her, not wanting to encroach on the space she so clearly needed.
"I'm not gonna ask if you're ok, because I know you're not," he said gently, putting his hands in his pockets. "But I want you to know that no-one is forcing you to be happy if you're not"
"Yes they are," JJ spat through tears. "If I walk out at the Olympics with anything less than a smile on my face, USAG is gonna hand my ass to me because competing for them and winning medals for them is the greatest thing in the world apparently"
"JJ, if you don't want to go to the Olympics, we don't have to go. No-one is making you do this. If you want to throw in the towel and go home, we'll do that"
"I have to go," JJ sobbed, angrily wiping away her tears. "I made the team… it's what he wanted"
"But is it what you want? Because I told you way back when this nightmare began that if you had a change of heart, we would stop. I never wanted you to force your way through this for anyone's sake other than your own," Nick said sadly, his heart seeming to tear in two as he watched the young woman who was practically his own daughter breaking apart before him.
"I want to," JJ cried, the sobs coming with a vengeance like no other. "I want to, but it's taking everything I have, and I don't know if I can do it anymore. Everyone keeps telling me I'm so brave and I'm so strong, and I don't feel like I am at all, I feel like I'm on the verge of a fucking breakdown because my world has been torn to shreds all year and I feel like I can't breathe anymore!"
She was fast becoming hysterical and Nick knew he needed to get her to calm down. She was never going to be able to come to a rational decision if he didn't. Moving around in front of her, he kneeled down so he could see eye to eye, before taking her hands in his.
"JJ, I know you don't feel it, but what everyone's saying is true. Being strong doesn't mean smiling and acting like everything is fine. Being strong is being brave enough to admit that no, everything is not ok, but you're not going to let that stop you anyway. In all my life, JJ, I don't think I've ever met anyone who has struck me as quite as extraordinary as you. I don't know a single person who could stand there and take as much pain and heartbreak as you have dealt with in such a short life and yet still find it in you to smile, and love, see the good in the world, and dare to dream as big as you have"
JJ hiccoughed, prompting Nick to reach up and brush some of the tears from her cheeks.
"You are allowed to be sad. I said this to you when Ros died, and it still stands today. Bottling it all up inside and pretending you're ok does no good for anyone, least of all yourself. If you need to cry, then you cry. If you need to come out here and scream at some birds while throwing rocks into the lake, then you go for it. No-one is going to stop you from doing what you need to do to keep yourself from completely losing the plot. But I want you to promise me something, JJ, and I mean this with every ounce of sincerity I have"
JJ locked her gaze with his, her blue eyes suddenly shining ever so bright beneath the veil of tears.
"If you genuinely don't want to do this, we won't do it. We'll pack our things and go home and Marta can sub in Ragan. Because I agree with you that this organisation has pretty fucked priorities and if competing in Rio is only going to add to your pain, I don't want you to put yourself through it unless you feel the end goal is worth it. So between now and the opening ceremony, if you genuinely have a change of heart, you tell me straightaway. I don't care if Marta gets upset about it or if anyone else has an opinion, if you are unhappy, if you decide that this just isn't going to work, we will go home"
JJ nodded, her face crumpling as a fresh wave of tears folded over her. Struggling to keep his composure in check, Nick reached up, pulling her into a tight hug as she sobbed on his shoulder.
"I'm going to leave you alone for a little while so you can have some time to process and mull things over. I'll come back in about half an hour. If you decide you're done, we'll go to the dorms and pack our things, no questions asked. If you want to go to Rio, we'll go back inside and keep putting in the work. The decision is entirely yours, and I don't want you to let anything or anyone else have a say in what's best for you, ok?"
Nodding, JJ pulled away. Nick got to his feet, giving her a sad smile as he slowly started to walk back towards the gym. He didn't know what decision JJ was going to come to, but he knew that no matter what it was, he would stand by her side and make sure she was supported with whatever choice she made.
Before Nick even had the chance to come back to her, JJ was letting herself back into the gym. It was a flurry of activity, but even so, she felt like all eyes were on her.
Keeping her head down, she didn't utter a word as she rejoined Nick over by the uneven bars, where he was standing beside Mihai watching Aly go through her routine. He broke away as she grabbed her grips bag, carefully approaching her with a gentle look in his eyes.
"I'm ok," she said before he could speak.
"You're not ok, but I know what you mean," Nick said gently. "What did you decide?"
JJ turned to face him, her eyes suddenly steely with determination despite the redness and puffiness that remained.
"Let's go to Rio"