A/N: RIO IS COMING

The summer air was heavy and warm, but as she sat on a bench overlooking the lake, JJ found it quite comfortable. After the stuffiness of the gym all day, she was glad to be outside getting some fresh air.

"You're not thinking about throwing yourself in are you?"

Looking around, JJ smirked as Will sidled up to the bench. "No… but I might now that you're here," she teased. Will put a hand over his heart, feigning shock.

"Now that's just mean," he chuckled, jumping up onto the bench to sit beside her. Settling onto the wooden planks, he reached over and took JJ's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. JJ smiled, shuffling a little closer and resting her head on his shoulder.

A silence fell between them, broken only by the chirping of birds, and the gentle splashes of water as the ducks dove for food on the lake. It was so peaceful that, even under the staggering pressure of the Olympic Games, and the grief she was pushing further away every day, she felt immensely calm.

There was so much she wanted to say, but she felt like she was never going to find the words to be able to express it. But sitting there, clear mind, clear heart… maybe… just maybe, she'd find some of those words.

"Are you ok?" Will asked softly, tipping his face towards her.

"Yeah," JJ breathed, lacing her fingers through Will's.

Lifting his free hand, Will tipped JJ's chin up so that she was looking straight at him. "Are you ok?" he repeated.

With his eyes directly on her, JJ didn't have the heart to lie. Taking a deep breath, she dropped her gaze again "I… I feel like there's something wrong with me"

Sitting up straighter, Will frowned. "Why?"

JJ sighed. "Because… my dad just died… and I'm here… training for the Olympics… laughing and actually enjoying myself with the girls… but I feel like I shouldn't be"

"JJ, everyone grieves differently. You of all people are probably going to have delayed grief… because you've worked your whole life for this moment and you're not about to throw it away… especially when this was all your dad wanted for you from the moment you decided you wanted to go back to the Olympics. Being here, training and working hard, and actually enjoying it, is not a sin, JJ. Actually? It's probably good for you… because you cope best in hard times when you have something to focus on," Will said gently, breaking his hold on her hand to lift his arm around her shoulders.

"He's the first thing I think about when I wake up every day, and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep… but I feel… bad… because… I'm not as upset as I think I should be right now"

Pulling her close, Will pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

"You're here… living out the life he wanted you to live. Your dad wouldn't want you to bury yourself in a bed in a heap of tears… but by that right, if that's what you wanted to do, no-one would stop you"

Leaning back slightly, he smiled down at her.

"You're a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for, beautiful. You are here, carrying out this dream that's lived with you since you were a kid, through all the shitty stuff that's happened, and that's exactly what your dad would want you to do"

Pulling her back in once more, he rubbed her back as he tried to offer her the reassurance he knew she was searching for so desperately.

"There's plenty of time in the world for tears. Right now… just enjoy this experience… live every moment to the fullest… and go out there and do it for your dad"

Some hours later, she was lying wide awake in bed. Talking with Will earlier had helped lift some of the weight off of her chest, even if it hadn't gone away entirely.

Aly was fast asleep across the room, sprawled on her stomach with her long brown hair going every which direction. Hoping to be that way in just a few minutes, JJ set her phone down on the table behind her bed, rolling over onto her side and snuggling beneath her sleeping bag.

She had just made a post on her Instagram… something that she hoped would help her in the coming weeks of her life, and something she hoped would help other people experiencing the same struggles.

The picture had been a picture of a black support ribbon – the ribbon for grief support.

jenniferjareau94
Grief is something everyone is going to experience at some point in their lifetime. It's confusing, it's hard, and sometimes, it's a little messy. This last week at camp has been both very easy and very hard. For once, the gymnastics is the easy part. The hard part has been what I now know is my delayed grief about losing my dad. Losing my dad was and still is so painful, something I never thought I would experience at this stage of my life, yet here I am. But with so much going on, I've thrown myself in head first, and I've been…. Ok. Not an emotional wreck like people expect me to be, but not my usual self either.

Everyone grieves differently. You might cry for three weeks straight after losing a loved one, or you might march on with life as normal until you come home from work a month later and collapse in tears after dropping your keys in the dish on the hall table. It's ok. I know that now. It's ok to be ok, and it's ok to not be ok. Either way, you do what you need to do to take care of yourself, because your health and happiness has to come first.

So right now, I'm… tentatively ok. Maybe in a week I won't be as ok, but with the Olympics to focus on, I'm charging forward with my life because that's exactly what my dad wanted. I know, in the end, it's all going to work out.

Thank you all so much for the lovely messages of support. We appreciate them a lot, and I'll certainly keep them in my mind as I go out to represent the USA in two weeks time.

Maybe… just maybe… she would be ok.