You Can't Run Forver

by SpringfieldResident1974

This is a rewrite of a story whose titled I've since forgotten...but follows my personal faves, Fletcher and Holly. I borrowed some cannon...Roger is at Holly's following his "car accident" and Holly does have Meg...but other than that it is just another universe where nothing ever goes right...or so it seems for Holly.

"Fletcher, this isn't what you think" Holly Lindsey yelled into the darkness from her front door, wearing only the satin pajama top she had gone to bed in. "Fletcher, come back" She begged, her voice cracking as she did.

"Oh let him go." The deep baritone voice said from behind her. "He was never in your league anyway."

Holly leaned heavily against the door jam attempting to compose herself. When he touched her, she pulled away violently. "Don't," She said between clenched teeth. "Don't touch me, Roger." She pulled further away.

"Come on Holly, you know you wanted me in your bed. You know I'd be making love to you right now had that buffoon had better timing." The grin on his face made her ill. Despite her shaking hand she reached out and slapped him. Roger's fingers went to his tingly cheek while Holly recoiled, afraid of what he would do. What he did surprised her. He reached out and pulled her into him. His dark brown eyes searched hers before he ground his lips into hers. She couldn't breathe, he couldn't stop. He wanted her, he wanted her back. They had planned to be married before Alexandra and Fletcher ruined it for them. Finally Holly maneuvered her hands to his chest and pushed him away, putting space between them.

"Get out." She demanded. "Don't you ever touch me again."

"Come on Holly." He begged, breathlessly.

"I said get out Roger. You're completely healed from your accident, obviously." She shook her head. "How was I so stupid to not listen to Ed, and Blake, and Fletcher" The anguish in her voice was palpable as she said his name. "They all told me, let's go to Cedars. Fletcher warned me what would happen if you stayed. Blake wanted to hire a nurse. How could I be so stupid?" She hit her own forehead with clenched fists.

"You're not stupid Holly, you were simply doing what your heart told you to, and your heart told you and is telling me that you want me. You want me in your life, in your home, and in your bed." His grin had returned. "If you hadn't, I'd have never been permitted to stay for so long."

Holly cocked her head and glowered at the man she shared a grown daughter with. "I allowed you to stay all these weeks, Roger, not because of some chemical need, but because no one else in Springfield would take you in. Now, for the last time, get out!" She screamed. When he didn't move she did. "Fine, you stay here, I'm going to go find Fletcher." She spun out of his near grasp only to have him catch her with his finger tips.

"Holly, it's late, or early I guess depending on how you look at it. Go back to bed…" He gripped her tighter "alone. Get some sleep. I don't want you driving around in the middle of the night."

"You almost sound sincere, Roger. What is your endgame? Do you hope that I will just agree to your demands, that maybe I will ask you to crawl into bed with me?"

"Is that an offer?"

Holly successfully yanked herself from his grasp. She grabbed the phone with a free hand. "This is the last time I am telling you Roger, get out of my house or I will call the police." She held the phone in front of her as if she were yielding a knife.

"Alright Holly you win, but I want to ask you something first."

Holly dropped her guard and waited.

"Can you honestly say that you feel nothing for me? That the past few weeks that I spent on your couch meant nothing to you? Can you?"

"Roger" she inhaled deeply and exhaled quickly. "We share a daughter so yes, we will always be connected, but that is as far as it goes. What you did tonight to me and to Fletcher is beyond the pale, even for you." Her finger was wagging now as it did when she was anxious to make a point. "What did you think was going to happen? Did you think you could have me, and that I'd reach over to my night stand and that I would flip Fletcher's photo over? Even you can't be that obtuse."

Roger laid a hand on his chest. "I'm simply a man in love, Holly and I thought if I could remind you how good we were together, if I could show you how good we were together that you'd come back to me."

"Getting me into bed wasn't going to do that, Roger. I love Fletcher, I am in love with Fletcher and this,tonight has made me realize that more than ever now if you will excuse me, I need to go find him and explain."

The sun was just rising when Holly returned home. Her search for Fletcher had been fruitless. Slowly she shoved her key into the lock and pushed the door open. She half expected to see him sitting on the couch waiting for her, but the house was eerily quiet. "Hello" she called out despite herself, and as expected there was no answer. She threw her keys onto the sofa table behind the couch, and pushed the play button on her answering machine. A robotic voice greeted her "You have no new messages. You have no saved messages." She needed a shower. She needed to get to the Journal. Certainly Fletcher would be at work. She picked up the phone and dialed the number by heart. "Come on, come on" She willed as the phone rang.

"Springfield Journal, Fletcher Reade speaking."

"Fletcher, Thank God, it's Holly…." but she was cut off.

"Got ya, didn't I? My desk, much like my copy, is empty. So while I'm out chasing down the latest news story, how about you leave me a message at the sound of the beep."

Holly, with anger threw the phone, ricocheting it off the wall. She grabbed her keys and headed to the Journal. Not waiting for the elevator she had climbed the six flights of stairs on foot, thus arriving in the bullpen out of breath but with enough energy to shove the door open, banging it off the wall as she did. With the sound reverberating off the walls the conversations dulled, and all eyes turned to her.

"Has anyone seen Fletcher?" She asked, taking in deep breaths of air as she did. Her question was met with shrugs, and shaken heads. "Well, as soon as he gets here you tell him I want to see him in my office."

As she had with the bullpen door she shoved her door open, only to grab it before it hit the wall so that she could slam it. Behind her desk she sank heavily into the leather chair where she had spent many hours debating storylines with Fletcher and the team. Her hand grazed the top of her desk as her mind wandered to that winter night a few months prior. She had just come from Alexandra Spauldings where she had learned that Roger had slept with his ex-wife. Mad at the world, and interrupted by Fletcher the pair cleared her desk in a momentary lapse of judgment and had made love for the first time. Holly leaned back and closed her eyes. The irony not lost on her, she had gotten together with Fletcher because of Roger, and now would lose him over the same.

A knock on the door broke her reverie. Holly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and told the visitor to come in.

"Hey Holly." It was Nick Spaulding, one of Fletcher's friends, and a reporter at the Journal.

"Good morning Nick, what can I do for you?" Holly asked suspiciously.

"I just wanted to drop off my editorials for you" He held the paper work up as if for proof. "Are you alright? I don't mean to be rude, but you look a little green."

Holly leaned heavily back into her chair. She nervously tapped a pencil off of her left hand. "Have you seen Fletcher?" She asked.

Nick thought for a moment as he took a seat in the chair across from Holly's desk. "Not today now that I think of it. In fact" Nick flicked his wrist and looked at his watch. "I'm surprised you're here before he is. Fletch is usually here before the morning cleaning crew"

Holly let out an audible sigh, and Nick narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong, Holly?"

"I'm just a little tired." She confessed. "Listen, if you see Fletcher can you please tell him…tell him what…no…don't tell him anything. Just tell me where he is when you do, , please."

"Now I know something is wrong. That sounds kind of ominous."

A fake half smile crossed her lips. "Everything will be fine, Nick. I just need to speak to Fletcher. Thank you for the editorials. You had better get back to work now."

Nick saluted her. "You're the boss."

Holly pretended to work for the remainder of the morning, but found she couldn't focus on anything. She wanted, no needed, to talk to Fletcher, to explain to him that what he saw wasn't what it was. Through the glass panel of her door she looked at his empty desk. "Where are you?" She said to the empty room. She jumped when her phone rang.

"Holly Lindsey, Springfield Journal" Her tone was even despite her shaking hands.

"Holly, it's Roger."

She rolled her eyes. Her instinct was to slam the phone down, to throw everything from the top of her desk, but she didn't. "What do you want, Roger? No, wait, I don't care. Don't call me, don't come see me, don't even walk on the same side of the street as me, Roger. I'm hanging up now."

"Holly, don't you dare" He yelled, but quickly lowered his voice. "Did you find Fletcher?"

"Why do you care?" Holly asked, raising hers. "Damn it Roger, why must you interfere with my happiness? We are done, over, I do not love you anymore." She felt hot tears spring to her eyes.

"I'm well aware Holly, you told me as much last night, but that is not why I am calling."

"Then why are you, Roger? Spit it out."

"Because I know where Fletcher is."

Holly jumped from her seat. "Where is he, Roger?"

"He is sitting in his crumpled up clothes from last night, on a bar stool at the Lakeland Country Club. From the looks of him he's been here for a while."

"I'm on my way." She exclaimed. "And Roger, don't you dare say a word to him, are we clear?"

"Crystal Holly, Crystal."

She hung up the phone and grabbed her purse. When she hit the bull pen she announced that she was leaving and wasn't sure when she'd be back to no one in particular. She would need to call Nick later and make sure that he took care of what she was missing. The drive to the country club was uneventful. She pulled into valet parking and didn't even bother to turn off her car. "Ma'am" the attendant called after her, but she was already sprinting to the door. She raced through the main dining room and into the less formal bar area where a sprinkling of businessmen were having their breakfast before beginning their busy days. She looked around for either Roger or Fletcher, finally spying the latter.

When she reached him she was breathless. "Fletcher, I've been looking for you everywhere."

With bloodshot eyes he looked at her. "Roger," he slurred and unsteadily pointed, "is over there."

Holly wrapped her arms around him from behind. "I don't care where Roger is. I was looking for you."

"Well you found me, Red. Now go away."

Holly sank to the stool beside his, always making sure to have a hand on him. "Fletcher, I'm not going to do that."

He shoved her hand off of him. "Fine, if you won't go, then I will" He stood unsteadily on his feet as Holly mirrored his posture. "Fletcher, you can't even stand up on your own." She assured him, reaching out to steady him.

"I said I'm leaving," Fletcher slurred, shoving her out of the way. Holly reached out to grab the bar, but fell backwards.

From the far side of the room Roger saw what had happened and rushed to Holly's side as Fletcher wobbled on unsteady feet, seemingly unaware of what he had done. "You bastard." Roger's fist made contact with Fletcher's cheek spraying a spatter of blood onto Roger's cuff. Afterward he kneeled down and took Holly's head in his hands. "Holly," he said gently. "Can you hear me?" to no avail, she was unconscious. "Someone call an ambulance," Roger cried.

"Not before I call the cops," the bartender announced.

Roger gently laid Holly's head back down and stood. He leaned over the bar and grabbed the collared shirt of the bartender and yanked it forward. "Call an ambulance you idiot. If you don't and something happens to her I will make sure that you never mix another drink again." With a shove he let him go. He spun around to attend to Holly only to find Fletcher on his knees begging for signs of life.

"Red, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you" He babbled. "I didn't mean to do it."

"Get off of her" Roger spat, pulling him up by the back of his shirt. Fletcher came to a standing position before Roger flung him back onto a bar stool. "I told her you were no better than the rest of us. Look at you" Roger indicated with a flourish of his hand. "It's not even blood mary hour and you are sitting at the bar drunk"

"I'm not drunk" Fletcher tried to prove his point by poking Roger in the chest with an outstretched finger but missed. Roger grabbed the unbuttoned lapel of his shirt and yanked him upwards. "What, ya gonna hit me again? Go ahead." Fletcher taunted.

Before Roger could respond he heard the crackle of a radio indicating that the ambulance had arrived. He shoved Fletcher with slight force, before turning his attention back to Holly. "She's over here" He called out, stepping aside when two young emt's pushed the gurney in.

The younger of the two pulled out a stethoscope and began attending to Holly. The older one began asking questions. "What happened? Does anyone know if she has a medical condition that caused her to pass out?"

"No you idiot, he pushed her," Roger remarked, pointing a finger in Fletcher's direction. As he did Frank Cooper, a member of the Springfield police department walked in. "I want him arrested." Roger said.

"Hold your horses there Thorpe." Never a fan of Roger's, Frank wasted little time in showing his disdain. He noted that Holly was being attended to. "Is she going to be alright?" He asked.

"Her vital signs are good, but she has a nasty bump on her head. We're going to transport her to Cedars."

"Alright, I will get a statement from her at the hospital." Frank then turned his attention back to Fletcher and Roger. "Which one of you wants to tell me what happened here?" The pair began talking at the same time, waving their hands at each other. Frank placed two fingers in his mouth and whistled. "Enough. One at a time, and Roger since you don't smell like a distillery I will allow you to start."

With his elbow Roger nudged Fletcher out of the way. "I came to the club for breakfast. I was sitting at that table over there" He indicated with his hand. "While I was dining I saw that Holly came in. She approached Fletcher who became awfully agitated and ultimately he pushed her with such force that she fell and hit her head."

"If you were over there, why is that the bartender reported that you punched Fletcher who was over here at the bar?"

Roger rolled his eyes. "When Fletcher shoved her I came over to offer my aid. He became belligerent with me so I lost my temper and punched him." Roger shrugged as if it were just another day in the office.

"We're ready to move her now" The EMT told Frank.

"I'd like to go with her," Roger said, swooping to Holly's side.

"You're not going anywhere Thorpe." Frank advised him.

"Ah, let him go. Holly won't mind him being there. Hell, she may even ask him to climb up on her hospital bed, finish what they weren't able to last night."

"Shut up Reade," Roger sneered.

"Why I will even be a gentleman, I won't even press charges for assault and battery"

"Frank, you do to him and to me what you want, but in the meantime I'm going to go be with Holly" Roger didn't wait for a response. He turned and followed the EMTs who were carefully pushing the gurney that held Holly out of the bar. Frank watched helplessly as he went.

"Damn it. Alright Fletcher, let's go. We will meet them at Cedars."

"Why do I have to go?"

"Because I need to get a blood alcohol level on you, and I need to see if Thorpe's story matches Holly's when I can finally speak to her. Now lets go"

Fletcher stumbled from his stool and followed Frank with a wavering gate. "Oh come on man" Frank mumbled before taking Fletcher's upper arm so as to guide him towards the door. When he put him in the back of the car he added "Don't you dare throw up in here. Do you understand me?"

At Cedars Holly was taken immediately to a small room in the back of the ER. She groaned when the EMT's transferred her. She was starting to become aware of voices around her, one she recognized, but she felt as if she were clawing her way through sand to get to it. She felt fingers touch her eye lid and saw a blinding bright light move back and forth across her field of vision. With her own hand she tried to bat it away.

"There you are." That voice, she knew that voice.

"Ed, where am I?" She asked slightly confused.

"You're at Cedars. You hit your head. We're going to run some tests to make sure there is no lasting damage."

"Hit my head?" She tried to sit up, but Ed put a hand on her shoulder. "Try not to move. I haven't cleared you just yet." He moved a finger left to right and watched as her eyes followed it without command. "Good, good." Ed hummed. "Ok, I think we can clear the neck." He smiled. She felt the head of the bed being raised.

"You said I hit my head? Was I in an accident?"

"You fell. Don't you remember what happened?"

"No, I don't. Was I alone? Where is Roger?

"Roger? Why do you want him?" Ed was perplexed.

"Oh Ed, can't you get over the bad blood between the two of you? It's been years."

Ed furrowed his brow. "Alright. I think we're going to get that CT scan now." Ed reached over the head of her bed and pushed a button, summoning a nurse. "How does your head feel, Holly? Any nausea?" He asked in an official capacity.

"It hurts Ed" She winced as if to corroborate the statement when she reached a hand up and touched the large bump on it. "Now, can you please go get Roger for me. I'm sure he is worried sick." Ed made some notes in the chart. "Holly, you were brought here by ambulance. I'm not sure that even Fletcher is aware that you are here."

It was Holly's turn to furrow her brow. "Fletcher? Why would Fletcher be here? Did I have this accident at the Journal?"

Before Ed could answer, a nurse appeared in the doorway. "Dr. Bauer, you called?" She said meekly.

"Ah yes, Evie, thank you. Miss. Lindsey needs to be taken to radiology for a CT scan. I'd like someone to accompany her, but first I'd like these labs to be drawn. Please page me when they are back and Miss. Lindsey is done with her testing."

In the waiting room Frank sat between Roger and Fletcher who continued to snipe at each other. "Would you two give it a rest." He asked as he shoved out of his chair. He went to the nurses station "Excuse me, but do you know much longer it will be until I can see Miss. Lindsey. I have quite a few questions for her." Just then Ed came through the doors.

"Ed" Frank called out when he saw him.

"Hello Frank, Elaine isn't here is she?" Ed asked, scanning the room.

"No, Frick and Frack over there." Ed followed his pointed thumb. "What's going on?" He asked.

"Well, it seems that Fletcher and Roger had some kind of confrontation at the country club and Holly got caught in the middle of it." Ed's face twisted with anger. "What did you do to her this time, Roger?" Ed approached Roger who came to a standing position.

"I assure you good doctor, it wasn't me. It was that overgrown paper boy over there. After all, my own ribs are still healing from my own accident."

"Fletcher hurt her?" Ed asked Frank. "It looks that way Ed, but I'd like to get some clarification from Holly before we proceed."

"I sent Holly to radiology for some tests." He sneered in Roger's direction "But what I can tell you is that she is conscious, and asking for him"

"Of course she is." Fletcher grumbled.

"Ed, when do you think she can talk with me?" Frank asked, checking his watch, having already spent far too much time on this one particular incident.

"Well, that's a bit harder to answer. She doesn't remember what happened. In fact I'm not sure she even remembers what day it is to be honest. Now this could be temporary, or it could be a trauma response that is permanent. After the terror Roger put her through, it is possible that any abuse she suffers at his hands will be blocked."

"This is hard to swallow, Ed, but by all accounts Thorpe had nothing to do with Holly's injury. Frank shook his head and threw his hands up in disgust. "Alright." He went to Roger and Fletcher respectively. "Alright you two, it looks like Holly will be indisposed to me for a while longer. I should charge you with public drunkenness at the very least, put you in the drunk tank until you fully sober up." He wagged a finger at Fletcher "and you, why I'd like to charge you with being a public nuisance as well as assault but I'm not going to do that, yet."

"Why bother, Holly would just bail him out anyway" Fletcher grumbled.

"Shut up Fletcher." Ed warned.

"Thank you Ed. Now, you two, don't think this is over. Far from it. In fact, Ed, I am going to need a blood sample from Fletcher, in the event that Holly would wish to press charges. As for you two, for now I'm going to put a hold on any charges" He pointed at the two men. "But if you two cause any more public spectacles I will haul you to the police station and hold you until the second coming. Do you understand me?" When neither man spoke Frank raised his voice "Do you understand me?'

"Clearly" Roger said. "Now Ed, I'd like to go see Holly."

"She's having tests done, Roger."

"I don't care. Take me to her room then, I will wait."

"Fine, let's go. Fletcher, you too." Ed said.

Fletcher begrudgingly followed Ed and Roger. "You're in here, Fletcher, I will be right back. You, come with me" He indicated to Roger. Roger followed him through the corridor. "You can wait for Holly here, but when she gets back I suggest you don't upset her. Do you understand me?"

"I do." Roger said quietly.

"Alright, you come with me" Ed indicated to Fletcher.

The pair walked to a cubicle next to where Holly would return. Ed pulled the curtain closed for privacy. Fletcher collapsed on the gurney. "What in the hell is going on Fletcher?" His professional demeanor was gone.

"She's sleeping with Roger so after I drove around all night I went to the club to get drunk. I had succeeded too but then they showed up." He held up a finger "Separately of course, after all you of all people know what appearances mean to Red, in public that is." Fletcher crossed his arms over his chest.

"Fletcher, I don't believe it. Holly and Roger were over months ago. Why on Earth would you think that she had gone back to him. Weren't you two talking about moving in together?"

"No, we never made it that far. I have Ben to consider so it was just a series of over nights, and stolen mornings when Ben was at school. How could I have been so stupid, Ed?"

"I'm still trying to ascertain that myself. Roll up your sleeves." Fletcher complied, spying the rubber band, and blood vial that Ed had pulled from a drawer as he talked. "Tell me exactly why you think Holly is involved with Roger. This is going to pinch."

Fletcher yelped when Ed stuck the needle into his being. "That hurt." He complained.

"That is generally why we have a nurse do them. Now tell me why you think Roger is sleeping with Holly and why it is that you felt the need to shove her so violently that she wound up in my ER."

Fletcher held a piece of gauze over the crook of his arm where Ed had drawn blood. "I walked in on them Ed. I mean you know Roger has been there since his accident, well, I now know that he was doing a bit more than sleeping in the guest room."

"You walked in on Roger and Holly having sex?" Ed was incredulous. "And it's Holly, not Roger, who is here as a patient?"

Before Fletcher could answer, the nurse Ed had dispatched for Holly's tests cleared her throat. "Excuse me, Dr. Bauer."

"Yes Evie?"

"Miss Lindsey's blood work is back, and she needs to be brought down from CT."

"Thank you Evie, please let Miss Lindsey know I will be with her as soon as I have reviewed her tests." When she had left, Ed turned his attention back to Fletcher. "I'm really sorry Fletch, but I know first hand what it's like to be in the middle of Holly and Roger."

"I bet you do"

"I'm going to get a nurse to come give you an IV, rehydrate you and let you get some sleep, but Fletcher, promise me you won't do this again. I still care for Holly, but she isn't worth this. Trust me."

"Thanks Ed." Fletcher said before closing his eyes, allowing an uneasy sleep to come over him.

Next door in Holly's cubical Roger was pacing the floor when an orderly pushed Holly's bed back into the room. "Oh thank God!" He exclaimed.

"It's just a bump on my head," Holly assured him.

"This is all my fault. I should have never called you to the club." Roger sounded nervous. "If I had just left well enough alone you wouldn't be here."

Holly reached out and took his hand in hers, confusing him. "Honey, this isn't your fault. It was an accident."

"An accident? Fletcher pushed you. Don't you remember?"

"Roger, Fletcher Reade and I may be playful adversaries, but he wouldn't intentionally harm me. Now help me find my clothes, I want to get dressed and go home."

"He can't do that Holly" It was Ed. "I've reviewed your CT and blood work. You have a concussion for starters. I'd like to keep you overnight for observation, and I'd like you to consult with another department while you're here."

"Is she really going to be alright?" Roger asked, rather relieved.

"No thanks to you, yes." Roger began to quibble, but Holly laid a hand on him. "Enough, please." She said wordlessly, causing him to retreat.

"If I am alright, then I will be going home." Holly sat up in the bed and threw her legs over the edge. "Roger, fetch my things." She commanded.

"Holly, I can not release you…."

Holly now held up her hand. "Then I'm leaving against your not so sound medical advice."

"Listen to me." Ed raised his voice, and his hand as if he were ready to strike her. He quickly laid it down, and sighed. "I can't send you home alone. You need to be observed carefully for twenty four hours, and then I'd like to repeat your blood work."

"Ed, this is ridiculous, I am fine. I have a little headache, but I'm fine. Roger can take a day or so off from the station, and I'm sure Fletcher will forgive me a little time off."

Ed locked eyes with Roger who quickly looked away. "Alright, I give up. Roger. Do you promise to stay with Holly for the next 24 to 48 hours. Do not leave her for more than 15 minutes?"

"Of course, I'd do anything for Holly. You know that."

"Good, then I will go ahead and release her." He tapped the chart on the end of the bed "Holly, I do need you to come back tomorrow. I really would like to have one of the tests repeated."

"Fine, fine. Where do I sign?" Holly asked. Reluctantly Ed handed her the chart, showing her where to sign her discharge papers. "I'm going to give you some privacy so you can get dressed." Roger, will you come with me?" Ed asked.

In the hall Ed pushed Roger against a wall. "Listen to me you son of a bitch, I don't know what possesses that woman to keep returning to your bed, but as long as she has you will treat her right. Do you understand me? If any additional harm comes to her you will have to answer to me."

"Easy there doctor, you wouldn't want to injure those hands again." Roger chuckled. "And you can relax. I have no intention of hurting Holly. I will be out of her hair in 48 hours, I promise."

Ed released him then. "You had better be." He turned to walk away but Roger stopped him. "Ed, I do have a question." Ed turned back to him and raised an eyebrow. "What is with the memory loss? She seems to have no recollection of what happened between her and me, or her and Fletcher. What is going on?"

"She has a concussion, the rest I am not at liberty to discuss with you, now if you'll excuse me, I have to go help the people who want to be helped today." Ed stormed up the hall while Roger watched. When Holly appeared, he plastered a fake smile on his face.

"I'm ready," She smiled.

"Are you sure? Ed would be happy to tear up those discharge papers and keep you overnight" Roger offered.

"I'm fine. I have a slight headache, that's all. I want to go home and cuddle on the couch, or more if you can take the day off."

While Roger longed to hear those words he knew that as soon as Holly's concussion passed that she would regret them. Still, he smiled, and took her hand and guided her out of the hospital to his car. When they returned to the house he had once called home, and had most recently himself convolessed in he sighed. He helped Holly from the car and into the house, not explaining why he needed her keys to open the door as he no longer had one to call his own.

"Can I make you some tea? Are you hungry?" He asked nervously.

"No, I'm not hungry." She shrugged. Something about the moment seemed off to her, but she couldn't put her finger on why.

"Well, how about you put some cozy pajamas on and spend the day in bed. Be a lady of leisure" Roger suggested.

She went to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I have a better idea." She started to pull his tie from its collar. "Why don't you take off this boorish suit you insist on wearing all day and I will climb out of mine and we can spend the day in bed together"

Roger took her wrists and pushed her arms away from him. "Ed said you need to rest. In fact, I think I should sleep on the couch or in the guest room tonight."

"What is wrong with you?" Holly pouted, never knowing Roger to turn down a roll in the sack with her. "Did we have a fight or something before this happened?" That made the most sense to her the way he was now acting. Perhaps that's why it felt wrong to be here with him now.

"No honey, we didn't have a fight. In fact, we have never been clearer about where our relationship stands."

"Then what is it?"

"Ed wants you to rest. He said you have a concussion. In fact, he wants you to go back to Cedars in the morning, remember? Once you are given a clean bill of health, we can return to our normal routine." Roger realized he was being a wordsmith, but felt it necessary to avoid stressing her out, or forcing a return of her memory, thus forcing him out and away from being able to keep an eye on her.

"Ed is just being over zealous," Holly argued.

"And so am I. Now, I want you in bed within the next ten minutes. I will make you some tea and cinnamon toast. I remember that you used to love that when you were sick."

"Ok, you win, I do have a headache and an upset stomach." she admitted.

"See, I'm right. Now go on, get into bed." Roger didn't move a muscle until he heard the bedroom door close.

Much to Roger's relief, Holly rested for the majority of the day. He checked on her frequently, but made no attempt at joining her in her bed. He wasn't sure where this sudden attack of consciousness came from, but he was respecting unsaid boundaries until such a time when they could be broken, but only when Holly was back to herself he decided.

Throughout the day Roger kept busy with work from WSPR that he had messengered over, but by nightfall Holly, who had spent the majority of the day resting had grown restless. As night fell she exited her bedroom and found Roger mindlessly changing channels on the television. She reached out and gently massaged his shoulders. "That feels good" He responded, forgetting for a moment the reason he was there.

"I can make you feel even more relaxed if you let me" She whispered into his ear.

Immediately Roger's jaw clenched. He made a show of checking his watch. "I think I'm going to turn in. Is there anything you need before I go to bed?" He asked.

Holly stood, rebuffed. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Yes. An explanation"

"Excuse me?"

"An explanation, Roger. An explanation as to why you are acting the way you are. I remember a time when you didn't need an engraved invitation to take me to bed."

"I still don't," Roger growled.

"Then what is it?" Holly winced, and touched her head. Immediately Roger went to her and took her in his arms. "That." He said calmly. "You need to rest, not to exert yourself. Now, I know you've spent the day resting, but I think I need to put you to bed, alone, and I will sleep in the guest room." Gently he laid his lips on her temple. He inhaled her scent as he laid a peck of a kiss on her. "Tomorrow we will go see Ed, and I promise everything will go back to the way it's supposed to be" Of course that caused him greater pain than what Holly was feeling.

The next morning Roger was up with the sun. He went to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. As he was filling the pot with water he heard Holly rushing from her room and into the bathroom. He dropped the pot in the sink, splashing water all over himself when he heard her retching from the other side of the door. He didn't even bother to shut off the faucet as he ran to her side. He joined her on her knees touching her back gently. "I'm sorry" she whispered when she was done.

"You have a concussion, Ed warned me this could happen. Make sure you tell him it did when you see him this morning."

A few hours later Roger, with his hand on the small of Holly's back guided her into Cedars. "Why don't you go sit down and I will let them know you're here." He indicated. As Holly sat he went to the station where Lillian Raines was standing. "Hello Lillian" He said cordially, as if they were friends.

Lillian frowned "Hello Roger, how can I help you?" She was professional, but icy.

"Ed wanted to see Holly this morning."

"Yes he did." Lillian walked around her desk, ignoring Roger as she went. "Good morning, Holly. How are you feeling today?"

Holly looked sideways to Roger, but answered Lillian. "I've got a headache, and I was sick this morning."

"Well, that is to be expected given your condition." Lillian answered. "Alright, follow me, we'll get you ready for your exam."

Roger stepped aside. "I'll be right here when you are done."

Holly followed Lillian into the cinder block exam room just off the emergency room. "I'm going to have you change into this gown Holly." Lillian handed her what was tantamount to a paper towel with zip ties. She studied it curiously. "I need to put a gown on to have my concussion checked?" Lillian smiled and pat her knee. "I'm just following the doctor's orders. Go ahead and get changed, I'm sure they will be with you soon"

When Holly returned she looked positively ashen to Roger. "How did it go? What did Ed say?" He asked, almost expecting her to say she had gotten her memory back and that she knew he was as much to blame for this as Fletcher.

"We need to talk," Holly said, pulling him by the hand, though she didn't know where.

"Holly, stop, what is it? What did Ed say?" They were standing in a windowed tunnel, one that led to the parking garage. "Holly? What is it?" His tone and temperament were uneven, but he was worried.

"It wasn't Ed. It was Margaret." She said tearfully.

"Margaret?" The name didn't ring a bell with him, and wouldn't as he'd have no need to know Margaret Sedjwick, OB/GYN.

"Roger, I'm…" She stopped talking and glanced to the ground when a group of rowdy interns came near. After they were gone she laid both hands on Roger's chest. "Holly, what is it?" He was concerned. "Did Ed or this Margaret person find something more than a concussion?"

"You could say that." She said cryptically.

"Well?"

"Let's go home, we can talk there."

"Holly…"

"Daddy, Mom…" Roger and Holly looked up and spied their daughter, Blake, formerly known as Christina approaching them. "Well, this is odd. I'd say a surprise, but seeing the two of you together, is odd. Is there a breaking story that the paper and television station are covering?" She looked around. "Where is Fletcher?"

"No honey, it's not a news story. We're here for an appointment" Holly answered.

"An appointment? Daddy, I thought you were given the all clear after your car crash."

"It's not for me, Chrissy, it's for your Mom."

"Mom? What happened? And Daddy, why are you with her instead of Fletcher?"

"Why do you keep asking where Fletcher is, Blake? Ed asked me that yesterday when I was brought in. We are colleagues, nothing more. That little indiscretion in January has long been forgotten and forgiven, right Roger?"

Blake looked between her parents. "What's going on here?" She asked.

"Your Mom has a concussion."

"A concussion, Mom, what happened?" Blake was frantic.

Roger reached out to steady his daughter. "Chrissy, it's a long story" He sighed "One that I do not wish to share."

Blake threw Roger arms off of her. "Why do I think you wrote the first word of said story, Daddy?" The name Daddy was clipped, letting Roger know she was displeased. "OK, so if you won't tell me what happened, at least tell me why you are playing nursemaid instead of Fletcher."

"That is also a long story, Chrissy, but the end is that your mother has a concussion and she is experiencing a lapse in memory."

Her finger wagged. "Right Daddy, just like you did after your car accident. What is wrong with you two? Why are your brains not wired like everyone else's?" She waved her whole hand now. "Alright, so Mom needs a babysitter then?"

"Ed wanted to keep her overnight for observation but she refused so that was the next best option." He looked over at Holly who was still looking rather unwell "but I don't want to leave her like that" He indicated to her.

"Well you will be. I will take care of my mother. I'm sure you have work you can do at the station"

Roger flicked his wrist and checked his watch. "I do, but I will be over as soon as I am done."

Blake held a hand up indicating that he should stop. "No you won't. I will look after her Daddy. You have done enough. I don't know what you've done, but it's enough."

Roger's shoulder slumped. He knew his daughter was right. He had no legitimate claim on Holly, and once she came to her senses she would remember that and he'd be out on the street again anyway. "Alright, you're right. Just do me a favor, call me if she gets worse would you please."

"Daddy, I've got this. Besides, I hope that Mom calls Fletcher and gets us both off the hook." Roger mumbled something incoherent then. "What was that?" Blake asked, not expecting an answer.

"Nothing, Chrissy. Just take good care of your mother."

After much cajoling, Blake was able to get Holly safely home. Holly immediately rushed to the answering machine, hoping that he, meaning Roger, had called her. "Mom, why don't you sit down and rest. Better yet, why don't you go lie down. I will make you some tea and toast. Daddy didn't mention that you ate today, and you are looking a little pale."

"I'm not hungry Blake." Holly waved her off, but sank into the familiar fabric of her overstuffed couch. "Did your father say when he would be back? I can't believe he went to work." She pushed herself off of the couch.

"How about you go lie down then Mother?" Blake asked, ignoring Holly's inquiry on Roger.

"I'm not tired either, Blake. What I need is to speak to your father." She put two fingers to her temple, grimacing in pain.

Blake rushed to her side. "Mom, you are not alright. Come sit down." Blake guided her mother to the couch. "There, that's better. Now why not let me get you some tea."

"Honey, I know you mean well, but I really need to speak to your father." She was insistent.

"Why Mom? What can you possibly have to say to Daddy" Her concern gave way to annoyance.

"What I need to discuss with Roger is personal, and private. I don't intrude on you and Ross, now why should you intrude on your father and me?"

"Mom, what is the last thing you remember before your erm, accident?""

Holly hadn't really thought about it before but wouldn't be able to answer as there was a rather obnoxious knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Blake fumed. She peered through the glass panels. "Oh come on." She pulled open the door angrily. "What do you want?"

"Hello to you, too wicked stepmother." It was Dinah Marler, Blake's grown step daughter at the threshold.

"I asked what you wanted Dinah." Her contempt was obvious.

"I'm looking for Roger."

"He's not here. Why don't you try him at WSPR."

Holly approached cautiously from behind. "Dinah, hello"

Her lips formed a thin line. "Holly. I'm looking for Roger. Where is he?" She asked tartly.

"Why are you looking for Roger?" Holly asked in equal measure.

Dinah eyed her with suspicion. "Because he is my fiance Holly, and I'm a little tired of your Florence Nightingale act. It's time for him to come home. Now are you going to tell me where he is or do I have to storm this quaint little cottage and find him myself?"

"Fiance?" Holly stammered. She could hear blood rushing in her ears. She felt unsteady on her feet. She reached backwards for anything to steady herself with.

"Dinah, Dad is at work. Call him there, from your house. My mother is not feeling up for visitors."

"I can see that. Holly, you look positively dreadful." He put her arm over her nose and mouth. "Please tell me you don't have something contagious."

"You should go, Dinah." Blake advised her. "Call Daddy and when you do, tell him to call me." Slowly Dinah backed out of the door, her arm covering her mouth and nose. Blake slammed the door just as she cleared it.

Holly was now sitting on the arm of the couch. She rubbed her temples with the forefingers of both of her hands. She flinched when she felt Blake's hand on her back. "Come on Mom, why don't you go lie down?" Blake asked quietly.

"We've been over this, I'm not tired, I'm confused. What did Dinah mean, fiance."

Blake sat on the couch, her cheek leaning against her mothers back. "Mom, Daddy was in a car accident a few weeks ago. Much like you, he lost his memory. He spent an entire night clawing his way back here. He was under the impression that you two were still an item. You and Fletcher found him on the front porch, bloody and battered. He convinced you to let him stay here. You were as Dinah suggested nursing him back to health.. In fact, I thought you still were until I found the two of you at Cedars." Blake sighed, her weight shifting when Holly pushed herself upwards. "Mom?"

"I can't keep doing this. Someone needs to tell me why everything keeps including Fletcher and someone is you, and you need to tell me now."

"Mom, why don't you tell me. Tell me what you last remember."

Holly paced the space while Blake anxiously followed her movements like a spectator at a tennis match. "We were in bed, your father and me." She pressed her fingers into her temple. "We had an argument." The memory, while hazy, was the most vivid she had. Before she could continue she was interrupted again by a knock on the door.

"What now?" Blake exclaimed. She pulled the open "What?" She greeted..

"Is Holly here? I wanted to talk to her about the incident yesterday." The uninvited visitor was none other than Frank Cooper.

"Yes, she is, come to Frank." Blake stopped away from the door, allowing Frank entry.

"I'm sorry to stop by unannounced, but I thought you'd like to know that I'm not pressing charges against Fletcher or Roger, Holly."

Blake wrapped her arms around herself. "Wait, wait, what am I missing here? Charges for what, Frank?"

Frank looked towards Holly who seemed equally confused. "There was an incident at the country club yesterday. Fletcher had a bit too much to drink and during an incident with your father shoved your mother. Causing her to hit her head. Roger then slugged Fletcher. It could have been a lot worse, but after I interviewed the eye witnesses I'm convinced that it was more an error in judgement than anything."

"An error in judgement? You just wait until I get my hands on Fletcher Reade." Blake pointed a finger in Frank's chest. Frank took a hold of Blake's hand, gently shoving it away. "Actually that is why I stopped by. I tried to tell Fletcher in person, so I stopped by the Journal but no one has seen him all day so I was hoping that he was here."

Blake twisted her head towards Holly who looked even more confused. "No, he's not here Frank, and I think you shouldn't be here either."

Frank nodded his head when he spied the distress on Holly's face. "Sure, I'm sorry to have intruded. I just thought Holly would want to be informed."

"Thank you Frank, I will have her call you if she has any questions." Blake showed him to the door which she leaned heavily on when she closed it. "Mom…"

"Blake, I can't." Blake half expected Holly to retreat, but instead she sank into the love seat. Blake silently went to the couch and waited. When Holly was ready she was the first to speak. "None of this makes any sense to me, Blake."

"I'm sure not Mom, but if you'd like, I can help fill in the blanks."

"No," She said emphatically. "I want to speak to Roger, and this time you're not going to stop me." Blake, having no other choice, complied with her mothers demand driving her to WSPR. When they arrived Holly jumped from the car before Blake even had it in park. Moments later she shoved past Roger's latest secretary, slamming the door to his office open. Unfortunately, Roger wasn't alone. He was sitting in his chair, arms wrapped around Dinah. He pulled away from her long enough to admonish the intruder.

"I said I didn't want to be disturbed, Scarlet"

"Well it's a good thing I'm not Scarlet then." Holly replied.

"What the hell?" Dinah asked, as Roger pushed her off of him. Using the back of his hand to wipe her lipstick off of his lips. "Holly, what are you doing here?" He asked, but didn't wait for a response. Gently, he took Dinah's upper arms in his hands. "Dinah…" She didn't let him finish. She pulled out of his grasp, eyes narrowed, and lips clenched. "Fine" She poked a pointed finger into his chest. "Let me tell you something though, Roger. You had better be home in time for dinner tonight or else. Do you hear me? If you're not, the engagement is off." He gave her a half grin. "I hear you loud and clear, and I promise, not only will I be home for dinner but I will bring flowers and champagne. Let me walk you out." He put a hand on the small of her back and helped her to the door. He poked his head out. "Scarlet, no more interruptions, or you will be looking for another job tomorrow."

He crossed his arms over his chest and turned to face Holly. "To say this is a surprise is an understatement. You should be at home, preferably in bed. How did you get past Chrissy anyway?"

"She brought me actually, and she will take me home. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

Roger reached out and held the door closed with his hand. "Holly, you didn't come all this way to leave. What's going on?"

"I had something that I thought you should know, but when I saw you with Dinah I realized that. Again, I'm sorry, I won't bother you again."

He lowered his hand and gently took her shoulders in them. "You are never a bother Holly and I hope you remember that soon. I also hope that you remember that no matter what, no matter who we're with, I will always be there for you."

The next morning Holly woke to the screaming of her alarm, and a pounding head. When she tried to sit up she felt dizzy. She covered her eyes with one arm, while she reached across her nightstand fumbling for the phone. By muscle memory she dialed the Journal.

"Springfield Journal, this is Fletcher Reade…" this time she waited, just to make sure. "I got you didn't I? Like my copy, my desk is empty but if you leave a message I will be sure to get back to you soon."

"Fletcher, it's Holly. I have an awful headache, and am dizzy. So so very dizzy." She groaned. "I'm not going to be in today. I'd say call me if you need me, but please don't. I feel awful. In fact, I wouldn't count on me until Monday. By then I should feel better." She hung up the phone and buried her head under the covers until she felt the need to vomit. Only that got her out of bed.

On Monday, Holly woke clear headed, her memory with the exception of the argument she had with Fletcher had completely returned. Her stomach however was doing an impression of the Titanic as it sank. After she dressed for work, she would make some herbal tea and then would go see Fletcher.

The Journal was busy when she arrived. Nick McHenry stood in the middle of the chaos, pencil clamped between his lips passing out folders that contained the daily assignments. Holly leaned on a pillar watching quietly. "Alright everyone, we have a lot to get done today. We have exactly four hours until we go to print. Make sure that I have your copy before then. Thank you" Nick yelled over the din.

"Or they can deliver them to the publisher." Holly called out from behind.

"Holly, I didn't see you there. I'm sorry if I overstepped. I just wasn't sure if you or Fletcher were going to show up today."

Holly checked her watch. "Fletcher isn't here yet? He's always the first one in."

"No, he isn't, in fact, I'm surprised you are" He put the pencil behind his ear and averted his eyes. "May I speak freely, Holly?" He asked.

"Of course." Holly said.

Nick looked around, took her arm and led her into her office where he closed the door behind them. Out of habit, Holly went behind her desk and sank into her familiar chair. She noted the pile of envelopes, and the blinking red light on her phone, reminding her that she had missed this space for the past three days.

"Holly, I know that things have been tense with Roger hanging out at your house, and I don't want to know what's happening now, but when you and Fletcher both decide to go MIA for days at a time, that puts me in a bad spot. I'm not a partner, nor am I an editor. What I do have is the respect of the staff, which is the only reason we were able to go to print…"

She cut him off then. "Wait, Nick, Fletcher hasn't been here either? I called and left him a message telling him I wouldn't be here until today. I can't believe that he took off too."

"Well he did."

"Apparently. Nick, thank you. I appreciate all you've done to keep us afloat. I will make sure your paycheck reflects your hard work and dedication."

"Holly stop. This isn't about money. This is about you and Fletcher having little regard for me and the staff here. Now I'm sorry, but Holly, I'm your friend, and Fletcher's friend and I can't sit by and watch the two of you allow your personal lives to affect this paper. There are people who rely on you to show up, to get payroll out, and to make sure the editorials are edited."

Suddenly Holly felt like a small child being admonished by her parents. "You're right Nick. I'm sorry, but there is an explanation…"

He held a hand up. "Holly, I don't want the reason. I've said my peace. Now I'm going back to work."

When Nick was gone Holly picked up the phone and dialed Fletcher's home number. On the fourth ring the machine picked up. "You've reached Fletcher, and Ben. Please leave the shortest message possible and one of us will get back to you when and if we're home."

Holly sighed. "Fletcher, it's Holly, if you're screening could you please pick up. I really need to talk to you." she paused, giving him ample opportunity to answer, but he never did. "Alright, listen, I really need to talk to you. Could you please come by the house tonight? It's rather important."

That night Holly paced the floor, jumping when she heard a knock on the door. She rushed towards it only to open it to a stranger. "Are you Holly Lindsey?" the young man asked.

"I am, and you are?"

"I've got a delivery for you." He handed her a large manilla envelope. He didn't wait for the customary tip. Instead, he turned and headed back into the darkness from which he came.

Holly turned the envelope over in her hand. The label was typewritten, on a typewriter she ascertained by the font. There was no return address. She pulled the prongs of the closure back and pulled the flap upward. Inside was a plain typewritten letter addressed to her.

Dear Holly,

Forgive my cowardice in writing instead of appearing in the flesh.

Unlike the Dodger I have never before laid hands on a woman causing anything but pleasure. In your case, I caused you pain. For that I am terribly sorry. I am equally sorry that I made you choose between him and me. It is quite obvious that the two of you need time and space to rekindle the romance that I came between.

"You didn't come between it Fletcher, damn it" She swore out loud as she continued to read.

In an attempt to right this wrong for you, and for me, I have decided to take some time off from the Journal. I trust that between you and Nick that you will keep her running. I have requested that my attorney send you my power of attorney just in case the unexpected occurs during my absence.

Oh Holly, how I wished for a different outcome here. I imagined us growing old together. I imagined us sitting on the front porch, watching Ben's children scampering through the front yard, me yelling at them to keep the noise down, and you batting me with your free hand reminding me that they are only children.

Holly didn't finish reading. She rushed to the phone and dialed Fletcher's home number. When the machine picked up she slammed the phone into its cradle. Next she grabbed her keys and drove to his house on the other side of town. Her tires squealed on the driveway as she pulled to a halt. She took the stairs in pairs before she hit the covered porch. The house was dark, still she banged on the door. "He isn't home" A voice from next door called from an upstairs window. Holly turned towards it.

"Do you know when he left?" Holly asked, shielding her eyes against the street light.

The silhouette shrugged. "He just asked me to keep an eye on the place. To grab the paper and the mail."

"Did he say how long he will be gone?"

"Look lady, I'm trying to get my kid to sleep. I just told you he isn't home." The window slammed shut.

She laid a hand on the door remembering then that she had the key. Her hands shook as she put it in the hole. Flipping the switch bathed the kitchen in a harsh overhead glow. It looked like it always did. Fletcher's computer sat idle in the corner. There were dishes on the sideboard. A towel was thrown over the back of the chair. Out of habit she folded it and laid it over the sink. She opened the refrigerator. It was empty, cleared out of even the week old pizza that Ben would have eaten for breakfast had it been there. "Oh Fletcher." She sighed. "Where are you? I have to talk to you." She closed the refrigerator, and shut off the light.

Holly went home, drew the shades and took to her bed, much like she had when she and Roger had broken up years before. By the third day of her wandering her small house with no contact with the outside world, Blake came calling. "Mother, where are you?" Holly heard her voice at the front door. She had given her daughter a key for emergencies years before. She knew there was no escaping her when she heard Blake's footsteps heading for her bedroom door. Slowly, Holly stretched forward, gathering a red and black checkered robe that belonged to Fletcher from the floor. She was synching the sash when Blake threw the door open.

"Mom, where have you been?"

"In bed, sleeping." Holly replied tartly.

"It's two o'clock in the afternoon." By now Holly turned and faced her daughter whose face softened from anger to concern. "Are you sick? Mom, you look terrible. I have never seen you so pale." Blake went to her lying the back of her hand on her mothers forehead. "You don't have a fever."

"I'm fine honey." But she wasn't. She hadn't eaten all day, and getting out of bed caused her to become dizzy. She reached out, grabbing on to the headboard of her bed for stability.

"No you're not, Mother. I'm calling Ed."

"Please don't." Holly asked, sitting on the bed.

"Have you been drinking?" Blake asked, remembering the last tie she found her mother in that state. "Did you take pills again?"

"I'm sober as a judge, Blake." Holy assured her.

"Alright, then I'm calling Ed. This has to be a delayed reaction to your concussion." Blake left the room, a wobbly Holly on her heels. "Blake, put the phone down. Ed can't do anything about this." Blake's eyes narrowed as she continued to press the buttons on the phone.

"Blake, put down the phone." Holly demanded, but Blake put it to her ear. "I'd like to speak to Dr. Bauer please. No, not Rick, Ed." She continued to stare at Holly. "His step daughter, Blake Marler. It's about my mother."

"Blake, hang up the phone." Holly was more emphatic. Blake put her hand over the mouthpiece. "Not until you tell me what is going on mother. If you haven't been drinking, and you don't have the flu then Ed needs to make a house call and check your head."

Holly stamped her foot. "Hang up the phone, Blake. Ed can't do a thing about this." Her brown eyes flashed with anger. "Yes, I'm still holding," Blake said defiantly.

"Alright Blake, you win. I didn't want to tell you this way, but I know exactly what is wrong with me."

Blake shrugged. "So tell me."

"I'm pregnant." Holly finally admitted and Blake dropped the phone. It screeched when it hit the floor. It was Blake's turn to feel dizzy. "I found out after my accident. That's what I needed to talk to your father about."

Blake now felt nauseated. "Daddy? Oh my God, Mom. Does he know? Does Fletcher know? Obviously Fletcher knows. That's why you two were fighting." Holly waited as Blake continued to ramble. "No, wait, Daddy, he doesn't know or he would have told me, and DInah, Dinah would have moved out.. Oh my God Mom, what were you thinking? Obviously, you weren't otherwise you wouldn't have been sleeping with two different men while not protecting yourself. Honestly Mother, I'm surprised at you. At your age too!"

Holly sank into a dining chair, "Young lady, that is quite enough. First of all, you have no reason or right to judge me at all. Save that for your father. Second of all, I am still your mother and while you may not like it you need to respect it."

"I'm sorry Mom, I'm just shocked. I had no idea that you and Daddy had started up again" she tsk'd "and now I feel sorry for Dinah of all people. Great. I suppose I will have to let her move back in with Ross and me. Great. Just when I got the foul stench of her perfume and French cigarettes out the upholstery."

"Chrissy…."

"No, no it's not your fault Mom. It's mine. I shouldn't have let Daddy stay here after his accident. I should have hired him a nurse, or I should have stayed and cared for him, but no Ross wouldn't let me. " She threw her hand up in the air.

"Christina…"

"Well, maybe I will just tell Ross that Dinah can't come home either. Then we will be even."

"Christina Blake" Holly snapped a third time. "This baby isn't your fathers, it's Fletcher's."

It was Blake's turn to sink into a chair. "Mom?"

Holly shook her head. "Have you heard a word I've said?"

"Yes, you're pregnant."

"And the baby is Fletchers." Holly added for clarity.

"Oh Mom. Pregnant? No wonder you look like the bride of Dracula. Is Fletcher taking good care of you? Obviously he is. He won't let you go into the Journal or you wouldn't have been home in bed. Not that it makes any sense that you haven't called me, your only daughter. Oh wait, I get it, Fletcher doesn't want Daddy anywhere near you, good choice. What did Daddy say when you told him? No wait, we covered that, you didn't tell him. Ok, ok. So I should probably do that for you. Keep Daddy as far away from this as possible." Blake stared at her, "Mom, you haven't said a word."

"You haven't given me a chance honey."

"I'm sorry, I'm just in shock."

"You're not the only one." Holly spent the next half hour explaining to Blake what had transpired since Roger's accident through her own. When she was done she felt surprisingly grounded, whereas Blake took on the shell shocked look.

"Oh Mom, what are you going to do?"

"Well, for starters I'm going to get myself back to work. I can only imagine NIck's reaction when he got the message that he was in charge again."

"Mom, I don't give a hoot about work. What I do care about is your health. What are you planning to do?"

"To do?" Holly asked quizzically.

"Please don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind, Mother. Fletcher assaulted you then ran away. What do you want to do?"

"I think I want some cinnamon toast and tea."

"I'll make it" Blake slammed pots and pans that she didn't even need to express her annoyance.

In the weeks following Blake's visit, and Holly's return to work people stopped asking about Fletcher's absence, which allowed Holly to stop pretending that he was simply away on assignment. She and Nick had forged a good working relationship that was satisfactory to them both. As an unspoken rule they didn't discuss Fletcher. It wasn't until Holly was in an unlike position that she needed to address his absence once and for all.

Holly shifted her weight on the paper covered exam table after a routine appointment with Margaret Sedjwick who was making notes in her chart. Already disconnected from the pregnancy Holly was already anxiously thinking about the staff meeting she had planned at the Journal upon her return.

"Alright Holly, it appears as though everything is progressing as it should, but I'd like you to meet me across the hall once you're dressed, please." Margaret stood and washed her hands.

Feeling she detected a tone Holly couldn't help but be curious. "Is something wrong Margaret? I know I haven't been an A patient, but I am doing as instructed. I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I'm swallowing those horse pills that you call vitamins every morning. If everything is progressing can this wait until I see you next month?"

"Unfortunately not, Holly. Now go ahead and get dressed. I will see you in a few minutes."

When the door clicked shut Holly shimmied off the exam table. She lay a hand on her lower abdomen. She struggled to remember how many weeks she was to be registering, she had yet to feel movement. When had she felt Blake kick for the first time? She certainly was a bit old to be having a baby. Perhaps that is what Margaret wanted to discuss, time was of the essence if she had any thoughts of terminating. She shook the idea out of her head and pulled her clothes over her body with shaking hands. When she had re-assembled the majority of her outfit she went across the hall and knocked on the door. "Come in," Margaret called mutely from the other side. She smiled when she saw Holly, indicating that Holly should sit.

"Thank you for stopping Holly. I know you're busy, but this is important." Holly felt a lump form in her throat. "You are twelve weeks along now, at the end of your first trimester and now that the risk of miscarriage has diminished it's time we discuss prenatal testing that I recommend to women of your advanced maternal age." Dr. Sedgwick reached over her desk handing Holly a pile of pamphlets. "What I would like you to do is discuss them with the baby's father"

Baby's father. He didn't even know she was pregnant much less that there would be a baby, Holly thought.

"The first option is a non-invasive blood test. It's fairly accurate, and incurs no risk to you or the fetus. The second, and third options in my opinion are more reliable, but do carry greater risks. The second option, what we call a CVS test carries the risk of infection, but limited risk of miscarriage. While the third, the most reliable, an amnio carries both the risk of infection and miscarriage."

Holly stared at the pamphlets as Dr. Sedgwick pointed each option out.

"The blood test can be performed at your convenience at any time. The CVS within two weeks, and the amnio within the next four weeks. These tests of course are optional, but I will say time is of the essence should you decide to proceed with them. Now Holly, I don't want you to worry. I don't believe there is anything to worry about. Just have this same discussion with the father, and then call the office when you've made a decision. In the meantime, keep taking your vitamins, and I will see you at your next appointment which will include another ultrasound." Dr. Sedgwick stood then, indicating the appointment was over.

All the way back to the Journal Holly could think of Fletcher and how she needed him. They had never discussed having children, in fact, Fletcher told her he couldn't have children due to a previous vasectomy, so birth control was never discussed either. Now here she was alone, and having a baby that may or may not have a genetic defect. She was so engrossed in thought she didn't hear the noise in the bull pen, or the people working in. Her purse was thrown on the couch and her briefcase fell to the floor as she walked around her desk where she put her head in her hands. She didn't like it, but she knew what she had to do. She picked up the phone and dialed the number in her head by memory.

The phone rang three times in her ear before the connection was made. "Roger Thorpe, WSPR" He said.

She heard the voice, but couldn't quite speak.

"Last chance or I'm hanging up. I'm too busy for prank calls" Roger spat into the phone.

She swallowed and then spoke. "Roger…"

On the other end of town Roger pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it for a moment before replacing it on his ear. "Holly? Is that you?" He asked quietly.

"Roger, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." She said weakly. "I'll let you go."

"No, no, don't do that. Holly, what's wrong?" Roger asked, pulling himself closer to his desk.

"Roger, I need you." She told him, almost breaking into tears.

"I'm on my way. Where are you?" Roger asked, jumping up from his desk ready to come to her rescue.

Holly sniffed, her nose already running. "I'm fine Roger, but I need your help."

"Alright, take a breath. Tell me what it is you need." He answered, trying to calm his own breathing.

"I need you to find Fletcher for me."

Roger rolled his eyes. "Find that gin soaked, ink stained paper boy, come on Holly. He's probably down at Harry's playing pool. What happened? You two have a fight or something?"

Holly's hand gripped the receiver. She wanted to slam it down, to forget the whole thing, but she needed his help. She had to tell him everything. "Roger, I'm pregnant." She could hear the sharp intake of his breath.

"Pregnant, well, that's not what I was expecting, forgive the pun." He laughed at his own joke. "I guess Fletcher wasn't either. So what happened Holly? You tell him you're pregnant and he heads out on some bender?" Like Blake he rambled. "Boy, if you had come to me and told me you were pregnant with my baby, oh Holly, I'd be over the moon." He paused. "Give him some time, he'll come around and when he does, he will have lassoed the celestial body."

"That's lovely Roger, but this is more serious than clearing his head, or being shocked. No one has seen him in two months. Could you please call in some favors from your agency buddies, please? Roger, I really need you."

"Alright Holly, I will put some feelers out and will call you when something comes of them."

"Thank you Roger, I appreciate it."

He smiled, unseen. He would go to the ends of the Earth for her. "No need to thank me, I owe you one. Heck, I owe you more than one. I will be in touch soon. Oh, and in case I didn't tell you, congratulations."

When she hung up Nick knocked on the door, poking his head in. "Hey boss, are you ready for that staff meeting?" He asked with a smile. Holly waved at him. "I'll be right there" she sounded congested, but wiped the tears from her eyes and put on an appearance. Her mind was elsewhere, but she had promised NIck that she'd show up.

A few days later Holly sat at the table in her dining room finally looking over the pamphlets Dr. Sedgwick had given her. As she sipped her tea, a knock on the door startled her. She didn't have to open it before recognizing her visitor.

"Roger, this is a…well, what can I do for you?"

"Do you mind if I come in? I'm getting rather damp" It was then that Holly noticed a light misty rain had begun to fall. She moved back to allow Roger to gain entry. "I'm sorry I didn't call first, but I really didn't want to tell you what I found out about Fletcher over the phone."

A sense of dread washed over Holly. Visions of him being mugged and left for dead, plane crashes, or indigenous tribes turning him into the Wicker Man danced in her head simultaneously. "What did you find?" She finally was able to ask.

"We traced him and the kid as far as New York."

"Ben," Holly whispered. "His name is Ben." She closed her eyes, remembering the young man who had come to mean so much to her. She felt guilty thinking that she had forgotten him in all of this.

"Alright, we traced him and Ben to New York. He has left the boy, Ben, in the care of one Julia Stoddard."

"His maternal grandmother." Holly informed him.

"Got it. Grandma has since enrolled him in some private school while Fletcher has gone underground."

"What does that mean?" Holly crumbled into the chair she had recently vacated.

"It means, Holly, that he isn't leaving a paper trail. He hasn't secured foreign or domestic travel by air, nor has he used any of his credit or atm cards. He's a ghost."

Holly swept her hand across the table in frustration causing her tea and pamphlets she was reading scattered across the floor. Roger leapt forward, but the damage was done. Tea soaked, and glass covered paper littered the floor. "Leave it" Holly growled, but he peeled a pamphlet from the floor. His eyes were drawn to the titles. While he wasn't intimately aware of the procedures he knew what an amniocentesis was utilized for. "I said leave it" Holly banged her hand on the table.

"Holly" HIs voice was soft. "Is there a, uhm, is there something wrong with your pregnancy?"

Holly traced a wood grain line on the table, her knee tucked into her chest. "Everything seems to be progressing normally." Holly mimicked Dr. Sedgwick. "But I am of a certain age. A little old to be having a baby."

"This is why the sudden urgency to find Fletcher?" It was as much a question as a statement.

"He should be here. He should be reassuring me, helping me make the right decision. Hell…" She started sobbing "I don't even know if he would want this baby."

Roger tiptoed closer to her, leaving just enough space between them so their bodies didn't touch. "Do you?" He asked, risking it all.

The air in Holly's throat caught with an audible gasp. She hadn't considered if she really wanted the child. Everything happened so fast. Dr. Sedgwick alluded that termination was an option but no one had ever asked her what she really wanted. Blake came close, but never posed the question directly. "I'm a terrible mother, just ask your darling Chrissy." Holly spat. "I am not maternal. I put myself above everyone and everything else." She rubbed the skin of her temples with her trembling hands. "To be honest I haven't thought of a baby. I know I'm pregnant, I accept that, but a baby?" He closed the space, they were skin to skin, cheek to cheek. Their breathing in synch. She squeezed hot tears from her eyes as she pressed them tightly together and in a whisper said "Yes, I want this baby."

Roger pulled away "I'm going with you then."

"Going with me?" She wiped the dampness from her cheeks as Roger picked up the broken glass and wet pamphlets. "Yes, I am going with you when you have this test, this amniocentesis."

"Roger, don't be ridiculous." She was chuckling at first, but now was laughing uncontrollably, a testament to her frayed nerves. "I will call Blake, or maybe even Ed."

"Right, try to pass this kid off as his too why don't you." The snarky remark was a throwback to when Holly was married to Ed, but fathered their daughter with him.

"Ouch…"

"I know, a sore subject. But Holly, you can't ask Chrissy. She hates needles and while I'm not intimately knowledgeable about this test, I do know it involves a needle."

His comment still stung, but Holly wasn't as angry as shocked that after twenty-five years that it was still at the forefront of his mind. "Roger, I can say with all honesty that you would be the last person whom I'd ask to come with me, but should that become the case I will call you."

Roger shrugged then looked at his watch. "It's my fault that Fletcher isn't here with you, so please, let me help where I can." He sounded sincere, or perhaps a little wistful as he said it. "Now, I need to go before Dinah sends a private detective to hunt me down. She wasn't sure why, but there was a pang of jealousy at the mention of Dinah's name. "Please make sure you call me when you need me, and I will call you if there is any word on Fletcher."

Two weeks later they were together again, riding a laminate paneled elevator to the third floor of Cedars Hospital. Roger had been correct, their darling daughter both hated needles and would be out of town for this particular need of Holly's. The pair rode in silence, during the short ride. It wasn't until the door chimed and the doors opened that Holly spoke, her nervousness evident in her voice. "Her office is at the end of the hall."

Once called to the exam room, Holly stopped at the door. "Roger, are you coming with me?"

He looked surprised. "Uhm, sure." He laid down the magazine that he was pretending to read and followed her. Once in the exam room he averted his eyes as cross cut images of breasts, and female anatomy dotted the wall. "This is as mythical as the women's restroom," he commented nervously.

"Roger, if you want to wait outside, it's ok" Holly offered, but the door swung open after a soft knock.

"Holly, right on time." Dr. Sedgwick said with a smile in her voice "Oh I didn't realize your partner was here." She extended a hand to Roger. "I'm Margaret Sedgwick, and you are?"

Roger blushed and Holly answered. "This is Roger Thorpe."

"Well Mr. Thorpe, welcome. I'm glad you were able to make it today. We will begin by performing an ultrasound, and then we will proceed with the amniocentesis. After the procedure I want you to go straight home and to take it easy for twenty four hours. No lifting, no exercise, and no sexual intercourse. Now I see you signed the appropriate paperwork giving consent to be treated. Do either of you have any questions?" Her head bobbed between the pair. "Alright then, Holly, if you'd like to go to the changing area, you know the drill. Everything off from waist down."

When Holly returned, Roger sat at her head, again not knowing where or with what to lock his eyes with and he absolutely attempted to drone out Dr. Sedgwick's description of the procedure. His Chrissy had certainly gotten her aversion to needles from him. "Alright, are you ready?" He heard her ask after what seemed like an eternity. Holly's hand brushed his. He took that as a cue that it was time to hold it all while not looking at her.

"There you are." He heard Dr. Sedgwick say, and then heard Holly gasp bringing his eyes upward. There on what appeared to be an old black and white television screen was a bouncy image. "Do you see that Holly? There is the heartbeat." While Roger couldn't discern what he was looking at he took her word that the black pulsing spot was indeed a heart. "And there is the spine, and the head…." Roger stared in awe as Dr. Sedgwick pointed out additional anatomy.

"Did you have one of these with Chrissy?" His head was cocked to the side. "This is amazing. Look at that, I think those are feet!"

"Actually those are the baby's hands and arms, Mr. Thorpe," Roger blushed. Holly rescued him by squeezing his hand. "When I was pregnant with Blake we didn't have this technology. In fact, not only did the rabbit have to die, but he had to be kept on ice until he made it to the lab for review" It always made her feel slightly guilty that she had tried to pass their daughter off as Ed Bauers. The irony not being lost on her that again, another man was there holding her hand instead of the child's father.

"Alright Holly, I believe we are ready to begin unless you have any questions." Holly shook her head no, lying her hand beneath her head for comfort. Dr. Sedgwick nodded at her nurse. "You're going to feel a little sting, and a little chill when we administer the anesthetic but after that, you will only feel pressure. Are you ready?" Again, Holly shook her head, this time in the affirmative.

After the procedure Margaret went over Holly's aftercare instructions. Unlike before Roger clung to every word. "You'll call me if there are any signs of infection or bleeding." Margaret asked as much as stated.

"Yes, doctor, I won't leave her side for twenty four hours." Roger assured her, causing Holly to glance at him sideways. In the car she asked "You won't leave my side for twenty four hours huh? How are you proposing to explain that to your betrothed?" Again, Holly wasn't sure why she was so acrimonious to the idea of Roger remarrying, and getting completely out of her life, but she was.

"Dinah is in California. She won't be back until Monday." He drove slowly so as to not jostle his precious cargo. "I am going to put you on the couch, where you will stay until bedtime, and then I plan to tuck you into bed."

"I will tuck myself into bed, alone, thank you very much. I haven't forgotten the last time you tucked me in. What was it you laced my tea with anyway?" She was certain he'd tell her nothing. After all, she had been simply exhausted that night.

"My sleeping pill." He admitted sheepishly. He continued to navigate the streets of Springfield.

"You drugged me?" Her voice rose an octave. "Roger, how dare you."

"Holly, I wanted you to relax, and I wanted to make love to you again. I thought…" His voice trailed off. He reached for her but she pulled away.

"You thought what, Roger?" Her face reddened with anger.

"I thought that if you just let your guard down that things could be different." He smacked the steering wheel before turning onto River Road, the mile long road that Holly lived on, the road that hugged the river that he had purposefully driven his car into so she could take care of him.

"So you thought if I was under the influence and that I allowed you to…to….to, rape me again that I'd fall into your arms? Is that it? Why I'd see Fletcher and tell him that one with you made me realize what a fool I had been, that I wasn't really in love with him, that instead i wanted to rekindle a romance with the man who raped me, faked his own death not once but twice, and who flew into his daughters wedding wearing a mask. Right Roger" She hoarsely laughed.

Roger steered the car into the driveway. "Holly, I've said I'm sorry and I mean it. I wasn't thinking clearly then. All I knew was that I wanted you back and my judgement was clouded."

"Try storming." She responded angrily not realizing she was home.

"Let me get you inside, get you settled and then I will call…" He ran his hand through his hair. "Someone to take care of you. Would you like me to do that?"

"Who are you going to call Roger? Blake is out of town, she won't be back until morning. Oh wait, I know, how about Ed. That will go over well."

"Alright, then let's try this. Let me take you inside, get you comfortable and then I will stay out of your way. You won't even know I'm here." He laid his hand on her knee, this time she let him. "Holly, I am sorry. Fletcher should be the one with you, not me."

She didn't speak to him as she shoved the car door open and slowly made her way to the porch. The anesthetic Dr. Sedgwick had given her had started to wear off. She grimaced, causing Roger to fly to her side. "Are you alright? Are you cramping?" He asked with great concern, causing her to forget that she was angry at him. She held onto the banister as she climbed the two short steps to the porch. "no, just a little tender. I think I'm going to go lie down."

Holly stayed in the confines of her room under the down comforter of her bed until dusk came. Roger gently knocked on her door, not opening it until she gave him permission. "I had some dinner delivered. Are you hungry?" He asked quietly.

"I think so," She smiled. He entered, and helped her ease out of the bed. "What did you order?"

"The blue plate special, it's from Company. Bea's Pot Roast, with potatoes and green beans. I hope that's alright" He looked hopeful.

"That sounds wonderful. Thank you Roger. I'm sorry about earlier." She leaned on him as he walked her to the living room. "Thank you," she told him" As she took a spot on the couch. He smiled as he went to the kitchen to plate her food. "How are you feeling?" He asked from the other room. "I'm a little sore, but I'm ok," She assured him. "Would you like to watch a movie while we eat?" She asked him. It was something the pair had done a thousand times when Roger lived with her years before. He grinned as he thought of titles.

He snapped his fingers "How about The Spy Who Loved Me?"

Holly belly laughed but regretted that immediately. She rubbed the tender spot on her abdomen. "How about we stay away from both spy and romance movies. Why don't we watch some Wheel of Fortune and then whatever sitcoms are one instead?"

The following morning Roger woke to Holly standing over him with a cup of coffee in her hands. "Good morning," She smiled.

Roger stretched, his back and neck aching from sleeping on the couch. "Good morning. How are you feeling?" He reached for the cup she was handing him.

"Pretty good. I haven't had morning sickness in weeks."

"No side effects from the amnio?" He sipped from the cup, his nose wrinkling. Dinah had him used to the French press now.

"None. I feel really good. I'm going to get a shower and head into work"

He leaned forward and placed his cup on the coffee table before he slowly stood, allowing his stiff muscles to relax. He reached out and took Holly's elbows in his hands. "I know I'm no replacement for Fletcher" His head swiveled "And don't take this the wrong way, I hate the guy. I think he is a child in a grown man's body. He smells of gin and newspaper ink, and that stupid hat he insists on wearing" He pulled her closer to him "But Holly, I am so sorry that it was me who drove him away."

"Roger," She said, laying her head on his chest. She inhaled the smell of him. Even wearing a day old aftershave he smelled like she remembered. "Shh" He told her. "Let me finish. I know I'm no replacement for Fletcher, but I will be there whenever you need me. All you have to do is pick up the phone"

Holly lifted her head, ready to ask him why this sounded like a good-bye, but before she could speak, Roger kissed her. As he did, a rock came flying through a glass pane of the door. "Don't move, you are in bare feet" He commanded as he rushed towards the front door. Outside he jumped off the porch looking for any one who may have thrown the rock.. "Hey, where are you?" He called out, but there was no response. A large vehicle drove by, but there was no other movement. When he went back inside, he found Holly with a broom already sweeping up the glass and rock.

"Did you see anyone?" She asked. He shook his head. "No, but a school bus went by. I imagine it was just kids fooling around." Holly nodded in agreement. "Probably. I will have to call a repairman to fix the door, but first I need to shower and head to the Journal."

Two weeks later Holly sat behind her desk when Nick knocked on the open door. Grateful for the interruption she looked up, and stretched her back. "Mind if I come in?" Nick asked when she acknowledged him.

"Of course. Make yourself at home" Holly smiled, and laid a hand on her swollen stomach. "What can I do for you?" Nick took a seat across from her desk. He absently traced the shape of her name plate. "You look nervous. What's wrong?" Holly asked, suddenly apprehensive herself. "Do you have news on Fletcher?"

Nick's head snapped to attention. "No, I'm sorry, I don't. Uhm, this is delicate. I uhm, hate to ask you this…"

"But…" Holly said appreciatively.

"There are some murmurs going around the newsroom but no one is brave enough to say anything."

"Speak Nick, you are a journalist. Give me words."

"Alright, fine, at the risk of human resources coming to tell me to clean out my desk, Holly, are you pregnant?"

She attempted to flatten her shirt over her stomach, but even she knew it was fruitless. She had needed maternity clothes for the better part of a week, but had made due with untucked shirts, and elastic waistbands but obviously that wasn't working. "I am." She admitted. "I have a little over five months to go."

Nick broke out into a wide smile. "Well, that's wonderful Holly. Why have you been keeping it a secret?"

"Well, I'm waiting for some test results, and with Fletcher gone I just didn't quite know how to tell everyone."

It was then that Nick thought he had solved the equation. "Is Roger pleased?"

"Roger?" Holly was taken aback by the question.

"This is indelicate, but now it makes sense why Fletcher left the way he did.. I mean, I know how Alexandra reacted when she found out Melinda was pregnant by Roger."

Holly's face turned a bright crimson. "You may be Fletcher's friend, Nick, but I am still your boss. Now I suggest you go back to your desk and remember your place otherwise you will need to find another media outlet to work for."

Nick stood and raised his hands in contrition. "Holly, I didn't mean to upset you, but…"

"But you did, now kindly get out of my office." Nick complied, turning on his heel. "Oh and Nick, tell the staff if they have a question about my condition or anything else involving me that they need to address it directly and not through the company gossip mill. Do you understand me?"

Nick saluted her flippantly. "Yes ma'am, I'm sorry I asked."

When Nick left Holly flopped back into her chair. When the phone rang she picked it up angrily. "Holly Lindsey, what do you need?"

There was a pause followed by a greeting. "Hello Holly, I seem to have caught you at a bad time" It was Margaret Sedjwick.

"Margaret, no, you didn't." Holly flipped through her calendar, she didn't see an appointment on her schedule. "I'm sorry, did I miss an appointment? I don't have one on my calendar."

"No, you don't have another appointment until next week I believe. I was actually calling because your amnio results are in."

Holly's blood ran cold. If she didn't have an appointment for another week, but Margaret was calling now, something must be wrong. "I see" Her voice cracked. "Is there anything wrong?" She inhaled and held it.

"Quite the contrary, Holly, otherwise I wouldn't have called. I am pleased to report that you have a genetically healthy baby…well, I guess I should ask if you and Mr. Thorpe would like to know the gender?"

There it was again, someone else who assumed that Roger was the father. "Mr. Thorpe doesn't get a vote in this Margaret. He isn't the father." She said dryly. "However I do, and yes, I would like to know." Her hope was that once she knew the gender of her child that she would be better able to relate to it."

"Well, it is my pleasure to tell you that you are having a little girl. Congratulations Holly. Do you have any questions for me?"

"No, thank you."

"Alright, well then, I will see you next week. As always, if you have any concerns just give me a call."

Holly hung up the phone and leaned back in her chair, lying a hand on her belly, over the little girl she had yet to feel beneath. "Another girl huh." She said out loud. "Well, isn't this something? I know I haven't been the most attentive, but that's because I'm not good at the Mom thing. Ask your sister, she will tell you. That's right, you have a big sister. So big that I honestly thought the next baby in my life would be hers." Holly sighed. "Well, not to worry, I'm older and wiser now and I know what not to do. See, I was never a good mother to your sister. It wasn't that I didn't want to be, I just didn't know how to be. Things were quite a mess when she was born too, but I promise they won't be that way for you. I promise." Her brow furrowed. How could she make promises to her unborn daughter when she wasn't so convinced herself? "A girl, I've got to call Blake." She laughed.

Blake seemed like she had been crying when she answered. "Honey, it's Mom, what's wrong?"

Blake wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "I'm fine, mother."

Blake only called her Mother when she was upset with her and as far as Holly knew she hadn't done anything to upset her recently. "Did you and Ross have a fight?" Holly pried.

"No mother, Ross and I are fine."

She hated to play twenty questions, but with Blake that was the only way. "Is it Dinah? Please tell me she hasn't been causing trouble for you and Ross again."

Blake mumbled. "Getting Dinah out of my life will be a blessing."

"Is it your father then?"

"If you want to know about Daddy, why don't you call him?"

"Ok" Holly drew it out. She heard Blake sigh. "I'm sorry, Mom" She was Mom again. Something had snapped in Blake's thoughts. No longer the enemy crossing the front line, perhaps soon she would tell her what was troubling her. "I know I called you, but I'm willing to listen to your troubles, Honey."

"Wait a minute, you never call me in the middle of the day. What's wrong Mom? Oh no, did something happen to the baby? Here I am brooding over something that may never happen and you needed me. I am just as bad as Dinah. I am still a selfish brat."

"Woah, easy, Blake. Everything is fine with me and your little sister."

"Sister? Mom?"

Holly's face broke into a smile. "I was calling you because Dr. Sedgwick called me with the amnio results. Genetically the baby, as Margaret put it, is a perfect specimen and a little baby girl."

"A sister, oh Mom, that's wonderful. I can't wait to meet her. We are going to have a lot to talk about this sister and me. I will have to make up a hand book for her."

"Alright, I get it, I'm not Mom of the year" Holly feigned disappointment. "But I am hoping that now that I am older and wiser that I have a better handle on this motherhood thing" Her second line started buzzing and then her third. "Honey I am sorry to have bothered you but I need to go."

That night at home, Holly sat at her table making a comprehensive list of all things baby that she would need. She sighed when she wrote the word NAME on her paper. She wished Fletcher were here. He'd be making suggestions that were both practical and off the wall. Then when they decided on the perfect moniker he'd sweep her up in his arms and talk to her tummy, bestowing their baby with her name. Her reverie was short and broken when there was a knock on her door. She looked at the clock on her wall and frowned. While it wasn't late, it was dark and it was customary to call before just showing up. Slowly she went to the door and pulled back the shade. When she looked out Roger raised a hand in a hello. She pulled the door open, bracing herself against the chill.

"I should have called first" He read her mind.

"That is customary" She retorted.

"Do you mind if I come in?" She backed away and swept her hand as a way of reply. "Thank you" He said, stepping inside. "I have some news," He said quietly.

"Regarding Fletcher?" She asked tentatively.

"Why don't we sit down?" He suggested, guiding her to the couch. He held her hand as they did but jumped up immediately

"Roger, what is going on? You are jumpier than a caged tiger at the zoo. Is there news about Fletcher?"

"No, I'm afraid not." He sat gently on the edge of the couch before popping to his feet before pacing in a very un-Roger like way.

Her hand flew to her mouth. "Not Blake. Please tell me it's not Blake. She was so upset when I talked to her earlier."

Roger stopped pacing. "Chrissy? What? No, she's fine, save her unfortunate marital mate."

"You are starting to make me angry. Spit it out or get out, Roger, there is the door" The anger part was true, but the getting out was a bluff. She needed to know what caused this angst in him.

"Alright, alright" He continued to bounce. "I know I promised that I'd be here if you needed anything, and you can still call me, any time but …" He locked eyes with her. "Holly, Dinah and I are getting married."

Holly began to laugh. "I know, you've been engaged for months now which may actually be a record for you. Roger, I thought something was wrong."

"You didn't let me finish." He finally sat down and put a hand on her knee. "Holly, we're getting married tomorrow and we will be leaving Springfield tomorrow night." He looked her in the eye. "I told Chrissy this morning. I asked her not to tell you because I wanted to do it myself."

Holly pulled away from him. "You're leaving?" She was stunned. While they had both left Springfield they both came back because of their daughter. "Well, that was unexpected."

"I know, and I'm sorry Holly, but Dinah bought a television station in California and wants me to run it"

"You have a television station here to run, the one you fired me from if you recall." She crossed her arms over her chest "And Dinah, she is young enough to be, well, you know how young she is."

"I can see I've hurt you." Roger offered as if it would matter.

"Hurt me? Roger, I stopped letting you hurt me a long time ago. Now Blake, she is another story."

"Chrissy will see that this is for the best, and I will only be a phone call and plane ride away. It's not like I'm moving back to my private exile."

"Perhaps you should. It may be better than knowing you're out there but unavailable."

He smiled, but quickly let it fall. He stood then, using a hand to guide her upwards as he did. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just didn't want you to hear the news from anyone else." Gently, and taking great risk, he kissed her forehead. "You know. There is one thing I'm going to miss."

"Oh?" She said, leaning into him. "What is that?"

"That I won't be here when this little person makes his or her debut."

"Her." Holly said, wiping her eyes, hoping he didn't see it.

"It's a girl. You got the results of your tests. Holly, that's wonderful. I am very happy for you." He paused, "Promise me that you will call me when she arrives." He felt her head bob on his chest in affirmation. "And I promise you I will not stop looking for Fletcher even though I'm on the West Coast."

"Thank you" She whispered, inhaling the scent of him, knowing that in the near future all she would have is the memory of it.

"My pleasure. Now I better go. Dinah will be wondering where I got off to."

Holly's mind raced. What if she told him to stay. What if she told him she would marry him? What if she told him he could be a father to her unborn daughter. Fletcher be damned. She shook her head against the thoughts in her brain.

"Holly?" He asked.

She lifted her cheek from his chest, wiped her eyes and plastered a fake smile upon her lips. "Nothing, Roger. You had better go."

"Holly." He said again, quietly. "You know if things had been different…"

"But they aren't. You are in love with Dinah."

"I'm marrying Dinah." He took her hands between his. "Say the words Holly, tell me not to go."

Her brown eyes locked with his. She was dizzy with emotion. The words "Stay, don't go" were on her lips when she felt it, and Roger saw it. A strange look washed over her. Her hands pulled away from Rogers.

"Holly?" Concern had replaced longing.

She smiled, a real smile. "I'm fine." She assured him, but the concerned look remained. "I just felt her move, and so should you. Dinah will be waiting." It was the hardest thing she had ever done, relinquishing him, but she had to build a future that didn't include him, and those faint little flutters were the impetus to do so.

There was more that he wanted to say, but he knew if he did that he would never leave her side, her house, the town or the state. He simply leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "Take care." he told her before he stole into the night.

After Roger left town, a new normal washed over Springfield. Public enemy number one was gone of his own volition. Holly appeared ever larger in public never letting on who the father of her child was and those in the know eventually stopped speculating about Fletcher and where he may be. After a while even Holly stopped calling Roger for updates on the never ending quest to find him. Before she knew it her birthday and Christmas were upon them.

The morning of her birthday the phone rang at Holly's house. "Hello" She answered and waited. "Hello, is anyone there?" She could hear breathing on the other end, but no one spoke. She dropped the phone back to its cradle when it immediately rang again. "Hello…" Her voice held a tinge of annoyance. For the second time the line was static and then went dead. When it rang the third time she grabbed it and angrily greeted "What do you want?"

"Mom? Is everything alright?"

"Blake. I've had two crank calls this morning, and I thought maybe you were my third."

Blake laughed heartily. "People still do that? In this day and age. Well, I guess it's good to know that today's youth still knows how to have harmless fun."

"You would find harmless fun at the expense of your old pregnant mother amusing. Now what can I do for you Blake?"

"Ah yes, my elderly mother. That is actually why I'm calling. I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday."

"Thank you, my young daughter. Now you have, and now I should get into the office."

"Not so fast Mom." Holly could almost see Blake as a child. Her hands on her hips, lips pouted demanding more attention from Holly. "I actually not only called to wish you a happy birthday but also to invite you to dinner tonight to celebrate it. I was talking to Ed the other day and we thought that we should meet at the club at 7:30 for dinner. I'm sorry it took so long, but Ross wasn't sure he'd be back from Chicago in time, and Maureen wasn't sure you'd want to celebrate this year."

Holly leaned heavily on a pillar in her living room and draped an arm over her stomach. "She is right, I don't but thank you for thinking of me. Besides, I have a lamaze class at 4."

"Mom, you didn't come to Thanksgiving. Nick says you lock yourself in your office and only communicate via email. Daddy says you haven't taken his phone calls in weeks, and if we're honest you haven't called me either. Now you don't want to celebrate your birthday. Now Mom, I'm not going to let you become a hermit"

Blake wasn't wrong. If she weren't pregnant her goal would be to find peace at the bottom of a bottle, but since she was she reverted to her second coping mechanism and that was to become a hermit. "Blake, I'm just not up to a crowd. I will be very tired after my class, and the weather, it is December…"

"Alright fine, we will come to you."

"Blake…"

"No, not this time, mother. We are coming to your house to celebrate your birthday. There will be six of us."

"Six?" Holly questioned.

"Yes Mom, you, Ross, Me, Ed, Maureen and Michelle, six. We will see you at 7."

"Blake…"

"No, I mean it, mother. We will see you tonight at 7."

Blake hung up the phone before Holly could protest further. Holly slid into a chair and draped her hand over her belly when she was met with a powerful movement below. "That was your sister, Blake. She is nothing if not persistent. I can't say she doesn't come by that naturally. Her father wouldn't take no for an answer either. Your Daddy was always more mellow. Well, he was mellow until it came to Roger, but both of them are gone now. Not dead, at least I don't think your Daddy is…you know what, we're not going to talk about this anymore. No, we are going to go have some cinnamon toast and tea and then we are going to go to work. Yes, that's what we are going to do."

At 7 p.m., much to her consternation the party goers arrived. "Happy Birthday, Mom" Blake called out as she entered with the gaggle behind her. "I second that motion. Happy Birthday, Holly" Ross said as he came to hug her. "Oh my, is my sister in law getting big" She didn't dignify the comment, but moved to the next person in the impromptu receiving line. "Happy Birthday, Mrs. Lindsey" Michelle beamed. "We brought you a cake. Chocolate, it's my favorite" she leaned in closer "Mom hates it but I knew it's your favorite too." Holly patted the girl on the head and smiled. She knew she shouldn't have, but Maureen Bauer and she would never be close friends. "I guess that leaves us," Maureen said "Happy Birthday Holly, you look wonderful. Not much longer now, huh?"

"Six weeks, January 18th is our target date."

"Mom, where are the cotton napkins?" Blake called from the kitchen. "Excuse me," Holly said to Maureen. "Coming Blake."

After dinner, and Holly's birthday cake it was Ed's turn to put her through the inquisition. "How about I help you clean up?"

"I can manage," She told him.

"Yes, you can, but I want to help" He picked up two place settings and carried them into the kitchen. He leaned heavily on the counter as Holly added glasses to the dishwasher. "How are you feeling? You look tired." he began.

"I am. I worked this morning and then had my final lamaze class."

"Lamaze, you must have forgotten your labor with Blake. Twenty hours Holly. By the end I was a zombie."

"You? If I recall you fell asleep in the chair next to my bed. That sweet nurse, Katie Parker, had to wake you up." She laughed at the memory.

"If you recall, I was on duty when you went into labor. By the time Christina made her appearance I had been in those scrubs for over two days." He handed her more cutlery and plates. "So tell me, do you know who your coach is going to be this time?"

"Are you offering?"

Ed's face paled at the suggestion.. "I don't think that would be such a good idea."

"I was only kidding. I am going to ask Blake." She finished loading the dishes "Anything else?"

"Yes, actually. How are you? Really? You missed Thanksgiving, you don't stop by to visit any more. When I run into you at the hospital you're always in a hurry to be anywhere else but in the same space as mine."

"I'm fine Ed" She pouted for a moment. "No, I'm not. I never imagined I'd find love again after the mess I had made of my life. Then to find it, lose it, and find out that out of that love a child was created is difficult. I miss Fletcher. Every time she kicks I think of how excited he'd be. Every doctor's appointment I rush home thinking how I want to share the smallest detail with him. I come in the door breathless with anticipation and then I remember he is gone. Isn't it strange that Roger knows more about her and this pregnancy than Fletcher ever will." She caught the look on his face, albeit subtle. "Don't start. He's happily married, and if it makes you feel better I haven't talked to him in weeks."

Ed pulled her into a friendly hug. "I'm not starting. I just want to make sure you're alright. Just look over there. You are loved, this baby will have a family. Ok, so she may not have Fletcher, but that is his loss, and while Ross and I aren't her father we can be a father figure to her. Look at Michelle, she lost Claire, but she has a wonderful mother in Maureen"

"I'm no Maureen Bauer. I mean, just look at the way Blake turned out."

Ed frowned. "I think your daughter turned out remarkably well considering her paternity."

"Roger has nothing to do with how Blake did or did not turn out."

"Exactly" He pointed. "Now I know you miss Fletcher, but Holly look out there. You have cultivated a family out of the gristle that was you and Roger, and this little one can have the same if you would stop being so damn isolated."

"I just miss him so much."

"I know honey, but we love you and will take care of you if you just let us." He embraced her then, and she let him. Holding on longer than she normally would have. "Listen, I know it's a few weeks away, but why don't you plan on spending Christmas with us."

Holly wiped her eyes. "Right, I'm sure Maureen will love that."

"It was her idea. Blake and Ross have already agreed to come. Lillian will be there. Nick will probably stop by. Come on, it will be like old times."

She playful punched his shoulder "I will let you know, though I don't think you'll take no for an answer."

On Christmas Eve Holly went into the Journal knowing that the paper would be running on a skeleton crew. She pushed her office door open, dropping her briefcase, purse and coat on the couch that lined the wall. Wearily she sank into the chair behind her desk. She ran her hands over the top of it, remembering last Christmas when she and Fletcher consummated what was to become a relationship on top of it. Roger and Alexandra Spaulding had made a fool of her, and she needed a life line and Fletcher Reade was it. "Merry Christmas, Fletcher, wherever you are…"

"Earth to Holly…."

"What? Oh Nick, I'm sorry I didn't see you standing there."

Nick smiled. "It's alright. You seemed a million miles away."

"Not miles, but a year for sure."

"Ahead or behind? No wait, don't answer that, it's none of my business. However, it's Christmas Eve, don't you think you should be with your family instead of in this stuffy old office? You know we always print a special holiday issue and get caught up with anything pressing after the festivities."

Holly cocked an eyebrow, "You're right. The paper is ready to go to print, but what about you? Why are you here on Christmas Eve? Shouldn't you be celebrating at the Spaulding Mansion?"

Nick made a temple with his fingers and laid his chin on it. "Susan and I are opting out of those festivities. Mom has been a bit edgy since she got home from her last mystery trip. No, edgy is a thorn bush that needs trimmed, Alexandra has been positively as sharp as barbed wire. I came in to get a break. I'm heading to Susan's later and then tomorrow we were invited to Ed and Maureen's"

"Yes I know, I was invited too." She said somberly. "So why don't you scurry off. I'm sure Susan will be delighted to see you. Surprise her under the mistletoe."

Nick grinned broadly. "Why that's an offer even Ebenezer Scrooge couldn't pass up." He quickly stood. "I'd say Merry Christmas now, but since I will see you tomorrow it will hold. Don't stay here too late Holly."

"Bye Nick."

As soon as Nick left Holly picked up the phone and dialed Ed's phone number.

"Bauer residence. Just a moment please" It was Maureen who answered, and who placed the phone on her chest. "Michelle, you need to keep out of those cookies or there won't be enough for our guests much less Santa. I am so sorry, as I said, Bauer residence."

"Hi Maureen" Holly tried to sound jovial "Is Ed available by chance."

"Hello Holly, just a moment please." Maureen laid the phone down and called for Ed before admonishing him as well. "Ed, I just asked your daughter to stay out of those cookies. Can't you please set a good example? At this rate I may as well go to Ferguson's Bakery…" Sounding like he had a mouth full of the very cookies he was scolded for eating, Ed answered "This is Dr. Bauer."

"Hi Ed, it's Holly"

"Holly, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I am hoping you can relay a message for me? Can you please extend my apologies to Maureen, and to Blake too."

"You'll be seeing them later, can't it wait?" Ed asked, already knowing what she was going to say.

"Ed, most of the staff is away for the holidays and it's crazy here at the Journal. I doubt I will be leaving my office much before you start carving the ham."

"That's bull, Holly and you know it, I can smell the cow patty from here. Now what's really going on?"

"Nothing. I'm telling you, the paper is a mess and I feel a migraine coming on." She lied. She had never felt better in her life. For the last week she had a burst of energy that she cleaned the house from top to bottom, something she had done immediately before Blake was born, but she still had a little over 3 weeks until her current due date.

"Holly, we've known each other a long time, why can't you just tell me what is going on with you."

"Because Ed, you and I aren't married anymore." Her mind flashed to a time they were. They had an extraordinary fight. She was cross because he had been on call for her birthday and was called away during their dinner. In retaliation she headed to the Bauer cabin without telling him where she was going. She stayed for three nights before she ran out of firewood and decided to head home. He was livid when she got back, but it didn't matter, they would ultimately part ways.

"No we aren't but that doesn't mean I don't worry about you. So what is your plan Holly? Will you please come spend Christmas Eve with your family?"

A wry smile washed across her face. "Don't worry Ed, I know exactly what I'm going to do." She hung up without another word. Immediately she picked up the phone and dialed Blake's number. This was one time that she hoped she wouldn't answer, and by the fourth ring was certain that she wouldn't.

"Ho Ho Ho and Happy Holidays from the Marlers. We are busy helping Santa check his list, and feeding Rudolph some carrots. So if you could kindly leave a message after the beep we will get back to you shortly." BEEP. "Hi honey, it's Mom. I don't want you to worry but I am not feeling well. I am going to go home and crawl into bed. I have a terrible migraine. I'm probably going to turn the phone off, so if you call and I don't answer please don't come rushing over. If I'm feeling better tomorrow I will come to Ed's closer to dinner. If not, I promise we will celebrate on the 26th. I love you honey."

Holly hung up feeling slightly guilty, but she at least had a plan in place. She was heading to the cabin. No one would find her there, and she would finally get the peace and tranquillity that she so desperately desired. She turned off her computer, put her phone on do not disturb and hit the lights to her office on the way out. "Stuart" She called out the one reporter/photographer who would remain in the building for the day. "I'm leaving. If anyone calls for me, please tell them I went home sick and that I will be back in the office on the 27th"

"Will do boss" Stuart called out from his cubicle and then immediately went back to the computer game he was enraptured in.

An hour later Holly left her house, duffle bag packed and headed towards the mountains. At the base she stopped at the small store, and purchased some essentials, enough to last her at least a week though she only intended to stay for two days. She pulled out her American Express, but quickly opted for cash. In the event that Blake decided to go to her house and discovered that she wasn't there, she didn't want the police to track her via a credit card receipt.

"Where are you headed, Miss?" the kindly old woman behind the counter asked.

Holly smiled, no harm in telling her. "My family's cabin, just up the mountain here." Her back had started to ache, she stretched it as best she could but it didn't seem to help. Another spasm gripped it, taking her breath away.

"Are you alright? When is the baby due?" The woman wore a look of concern.

"Not for another three weeks." Holly smiled.

"I'm going to have my husband, Joe, carry these out to your car. Make sure your family carries them in when you get to your destination. Oh, and make sure you have enough propane or firewood. Those meteorologists can't seem to decide if the storm is going to pass us by or finally dump enough snow to keep us home bound til New Years." She handed Holly her her change and receipt. "Joe….Joe, don't ignore me. I tell you, he is deaf as a doornail"

"I can carry them, they aren't that heavy." Holly said.

"Nonsense. Joe, come over here." She banged her own cane on the wood floor causing the equally elderly man to look at her. "Come help this lady carry her bags. She's in the family way."

"Thank you" Holly said "Merry Christmas."

"Thank you dear. I hope you have a nice holiday and that your greatest wish is under the tree."

Holly frowned then. "Thank you, but I don't think Santa can bring what I want this year." She went back outside, where she noted that the temperature had dropped considerably. By the time she reached the cabin it had begun to snow, but nothing that suggested they would see more than an inch or two at most by Morning. She noted that there was plenty of firewood on the porch, and then went to search for the key that Ed always kept on the door frame on a nail. "There you are," She said when her finger tips grazed it. She put the key in the lock which easily turned. She hadn't been to the cabin since before she and Ed had divorced decades before. She was taken aback by the changes. The last she had been there, there was no kitchen, and the bathroom was nothing more than an enclosed outhouse. Now, there was a sitting area with a plush couch, a dining area, a galley kitchen, and a bathroom that included a shower and clawfoot tub. The only original piece was the central fireplace that she quickly filled with wood and kindling to warm the space. Once it was raging her back tightened again. She rubbed it with two hands, deciding the drive had been too much for her after working that morning. A hot shower, and some tea were on the menu.

In the bathroom, Holly saw more of the changes that had been made, most likely by Maureen as they were touches that a man wouldn't think of. On a table closest to the bathtub there were a myriad of bath oils, and salts, as well as bubble bath. She picked one up and inhaled the scent deeply. She could hardly wait to be able to get in and out of the bath tub again. On the back of the door were several differently sized plush bathrobes. She knew that Ed slept in the buff, so she guessed that they were there for the convenience of guests, and not the cabins owners. Finally, there was a three tiered shelf that housed towels, hand clothes and wash clothes. After she stripped out of her clothes she reached out and took a bathrobe before turning on the water. She then went to the kitchen and filled the kettle, lighting the stove so the water would be ready when she finished.

Once in the shower she allowed the water to envelop her. At first it seemed that her tense muscles relaxed, but that was short lived, for as if on a schedule her back tightened again. She dried off, while unconsciously breathing the pain away. Having not experienced back labor with Blake, she didn't give it another thought as she wrapped one of the larger bathrobes around her, synching the sash loosely under her expansive belly. By now the kettle was whistling, she took it off the fire and turned to get a mug when she heard the front door open. She froze, arm extended to the cabinet. She felt her heart beating, but finally grabbed a mug. As she turned she noted a man in a green parka with fur around the hood standing in front of it. The wind was whipping heartily as he attempted to close it. Unsure of where she found the strength she hurled it towards the man who put both hands up when he heard it shatter against the wooden frame.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was anyone here" He called out, still facing the now closed door. "I'm friends with the Bauers. They own this cabin. Maureen, she told me I could stay here."

Holly's hands immediately went to her mouth which was suddenly dry. "Fletcher…" she managed.

Slowly, with his arms still extended he turned around. "Red?" He asked quizzically. His eyes were the same, but he had grown a beard and his hair was longer than Holly remembered.

"Fletcher?" She repeated. She felt dizzy almost as if she may faint. She grabbed a hold of a dining chair and slowly felt herself sinking into it. "What, what are you doing here?" She asked breathlessly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't expect to see anyone here at the cabin, least of all you. Maureen said the place was empty for the holidays…" His voice trailed off as he studied her. "Holly, are you alright? You look a little pale."

"My back hurts, but that isn't important. Fletcher, we need to talk." That was the understatement of the year. She had more to tell him than not.

"Holly, what can we possibly have to say?"

"What do we have to say, Fletcher? A lot in fact but let's start with the fact that you are a coward."

"Me, a coward?" He pointed his fingers into his chest.

"Yes, you, Fletcher Calloway Reade, are a coward. You left me standing in the night without allowing me to explain what you were seeing. You spent the night getting plastered on a bar stool, which in turn caused me to be injured. Then you steal off to New York with Ben, leaving him with his grandmother before promptly enrolling him in boarding school. The next time I hear anything from you is in the form of a lawyer giving me the privilege of running the Journal in your absence, and am I missing anything?"

"Only the part where I was spending my time with Alexandra Spaulding in Barbados." The admission was meant to shock her, and it did.

"Alexandra?"

His mouth contorted into a sneer. "Good old Roger left that part out did he. I mean I assume that it was Roger or his goons from the super dooper secretary spy agency that got you the intel you did have."

"Why are you here, Fletcher? Why now?" Hot tears fell onto her cheeks. Her back ached, her eyes hurt, and mentally she was tired.

"Why do you care Holly? You're with Roger." He put a finger up in the air. "Wait, why aren't you with Roger today, it's Christmas Eve."

"Fletcher, for the last time, I am not nor have I been with Roger since we got together. Why won't you believe that?"

"Because I saw it with my own eyes, Holly." He pointed to them, enunciating the point. "He had you wrapped in his arms, your head on his chest. I saw you!"

Holly replayed the night Roger was in her bed, and then remembered the morning after her amnio. Her eyes widened. "That was you? You threw the rock through my door?"

"Guilty."

"Fletcher, why didn't you just knock?"

"Because I wasn't going to let you make me a cuckold again. I came back to apologize to you, to see if maybe we could start over but once again, there in the middle of us was Roger."

She really didn't have an argument with that. He was right. Roger was there, in the middle. Her only defence would be that Fletcher wasn't there at all. "Ok, so why are you here now?"

"Ben is in Europe with Julia for Christmas break. Alexandra and Alan are in some power play at Spaulding, and well, I guess I wanted to see weather that wasn't constantly sunny and 85" He shrugged. "I called Maureen who as you know is up to her neck in party plans and she told me I was welcome to use the cabin and didn't tell Ed. Otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"They don't know I am." Along with her back her stomach tightened, taking her breath away.

"I see, well, I won't tell them I saw you. Your secret is safe with me." Fletcher grabbed his coat and angrily shoved his arms into it.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I'm leaving Holly. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. Give my regards to Roger."

"Fletcher, wait, we need to talk."

He went to the door, pausing long enough to make one last dig. "We already have, Holly." He pulled the door open. The wind howling on the other side of it made an eerie sound. He struggled against it just to get to the front porch. While he wanted to slam the door he was unable to, fighting it closed was the best he could do. Once he was gone Holly stood. The fire needed to be fed, and she had never made her tea. She put the kettle back on the stove and then went to the fireplace. After she pushed a log in she stood, and felt a gush. Looking down she saw a growing puddle at her feet. As she stared she felt her first unmistakable contraction. She gripped the mantle and cursed herself for being so foolish. It was then that the door Fletcher had exited through flew open.

"I know I said I was leaving, and damn it if I didn't try, but my car is stuck in a snowbank about a quarter mile down the road. By the time I got out of my car the tire tracks were already covered." He leaned heavily against the door when he got it closed and was breathing heavily. "Holly, are you alright?" He finally asked.

"No, I'm not alright. I'm having a baby. I'm in labor"

Fletcher laughed. "A baby? That would mean you're pregnant. At your age? How is that even possible?"

"I don't know Fletcher, but what I do know is that if you make another crack about my age you won't live to see New Years."

"Ok. We need a phone. I have one in the car. I can walk back there and call for help. How close together are your contractions?"

"Three, maybe four minutes but they are getting stronger every time."

"Three minutes. How many more will you have before the baby is born?"

"I don't know Fletcher, it's been twenty five years since I did this."

"Right. Ok, I'm going to go to the car. You stay right here. Don't go anywhere, alright?"

"Hurry!"

Fletcher threw on his coat and pulled open the door. Snow blew in again, and quickly melted. He struggled but eventually latched it behind him. As soon as Fletcher left Holly was gripped with a longer, deeper pain. When it passed she laid her head back and laid a hand on her stomach. "Hey you, it's your Momma. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Not it wasn't. I'm supposed to be at Cedars with a lovely epidural, and Dr. Sedgwick there to catch you. I have a feeling you're going to be an even bigger challenge than your sister." Holly inhaled, and tried to relax. "I don't think I can do this by myself, little one. I raised Blake by myself and look how she turned out. Well, she's alright now. In fact, we're best of friends but it wasn't always like that. Her Daddy wasn't in the picture either. Well, your Daddy is here now, but I don't know how long that's going to last…." Gripped by yet another strong contraction Holly inhaled deeply. "Alright, alright. Let's take it easy here. Daddy went to get a phone. Help will be here soon….I hope" Holly remembered from her lamaze class that she may find relief if she got up and walked between contractions. "Let's give this a try, shall we." She said to her belly.

What seemed like a lifetime later, Fletcher pushed the door open and found Holly again clutching the mantle. "I told you to stay where you were"

"Fletcher, I did a few laps around the cabin, it's not like I went out for a hike. Did you get the phone?"

"Why don't we get you into bed."

"That isn't an answer."

"Yes, I got the phone."

"And? Oh this hurts" She huffed, allowing him to guide her to the bed.

"I called 9-1-1."

"Oh good. So maybe this baby will be born in the hospital after all" She allowed her body to relax.

He wasn't sure if he should let her believe that or tell her the truth. He picked the grey area in between. "Yes, but just in case, I'm going to get some towels. Maybe wash my hands. Things like that."

Holly watched him as he went to the bathroom, returning with enough towels to dry the entire population of Springfield it seemed. Next he filled a pot with water and put it on the stove. "You alright?" He called out to her, trying to sound self assured while internally he was as manic as Sybil. Then he washed his hands, holding them up to allow the water to drip down to his elbows.

"Fletcher, what is going on?" Holly asked.

"I'm channeling my inner boy scout. Always be prepared. How are you feeling?"

"I'm not sure." Her face wore a strange look. "

Fletcher rushed to her side. "What does that mean?"

"I think I need to push, but I'm scared, Fletcher. I'm not ready for any of this."

"Yes you are. You have had nine months to prepare. You can do this."

Holly pulled her knees into her chest and inhaled deeply. She grunted and groaned as she pushed with her contraction. "Can you see the head?" She asked as she flopped backwards only Fletcher wasn't looking. He faced the wall, his thumbs twiddling. "Fletcher, if you're going to help me you're going to have to look." She commanded. "Ok, then we go again." Fletcher compiled, going to the end of the bed. He held her knees and took a deep breath. "Push Holly push, I think I see something. Come on Holly, you've got this."

When the contraction was over Holly caught her breath. "Fletcher, I'm glad you're here and there is something you need to know."

"Can't it wait Holly? This baby is on its way. I see the top of the head. Wait, wait, don't push again. I need to get some towels."

Holly nodded, and held her breath. With the next contraction, despite her best efforts her body knew what to do. "She's coming." Holly called out. Fletcher had never seen anything so remarkable as he held the baby's head in his hands, not quite fully born. "You know it's a girl then?" Holly nodded, took another deep breath and pushed. The shoulders followed by the rest of the baby's body followed along with a gush of water behind her. "Oh Holly, she's beautiful." Fletcher grabbed a towel as Holly laid back. "I don't hear her. She's not crying. Fletcher, is she breathing?"

"Hold on." Fletcher tied off the baby's umbilical cord and laid her on a towel. "I need a pair of scissors."

"Scissors? Fletcher"

"I have to cut her cord." He rushed to the kitchen, pulling a drawer out, scattering its contents on the floor before he moved onto another. "Oh come on." He said yanking it with force. He rooted around and came up with a pair. He rushed back to the bed. He cut the cord between the ties he made and lifted the baby up, rubbing her back. "Come on little one." He encouraged her.. Finally she let out a cry. "There you go, now go see your Momma"

Fletcher handed the slippery baby to Holly and covered her with a towel. "I'm going to put another log on the fire. I don't want you to get cold." Holly simply nodded as she was busy exploring every inch of her daughter. When he was satisfied that the fire was ample he pulled the phone he carried out of his pocket. He sat down beside Holly and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"She's beautiful Holly, congratulations."

Holly looked up at him with a tear in her eye. "Thank you for my daughter, Fletcher."

He wiped a tear from his own eyes. "Does she have a name yet?" Holly continued to study her, softly shaking her head no. Fletcher laid the phone down "I can give you some privacy if you'd like, go stretch my legs." He indicated the front door. "Privacy? I think we're beyond that now, don't you?" She chuckled. "I thought you may want to call Roger." There was no malice in his voice. "I'm sure he'd like to know she's here."

The baby began mewing softly, and was rooting at Holly's breast. When Holly gave her access she took to it immediately. "Why would I call Roger?" Holly asked, mesmerized.

"I'm sure her father would want to know she is here, and that you're healthy." He snapped his fingers, and then you may want to call Blake."

"I will call Blake, but her father already knows she's here." Holly locked her Brown eyes onto his. "Fletcher, she is yours."

He jumped off the bed as if he had been bitten or burned. He laid a hand on his chest, feeling for his own heart beat. It was pounding beneath his rib cage. "Holly, that is not possible."

"Her arrival proves otherwise. Look at her. She has your nose, your lips. My hair, but everything else about her is you. I don't know how it happened but it did Fletcher. She is a miracle from start to finish." Holly looked down at the baby in her arms. "I'm not trying to trap you. If your new life is in Barbados with Alexandra, I can accept that, but Fletcher, if it's not then I would like you to have a relationship with her"

Fletcher looked at the pair. Holly was right, there wasn't a bit of Roger in her, but could he see himself in her face? What did he want? He had already lost a child, Rebecca and had essentially given Ben away. Could he see himself being a father to a newly born daughter that Holly and he created but whom he didn't know about. His Adams apple bobbed, his throat hurt. "Holly…" He had to clear his throat. "There is nothing more in this world that I want than to hold a child I created in my arms. To know that I am her protector, that I am Daddy but what about Roger? You can't deny that you have feelings for him."

Holly placed the baby over her shoulder and began to rub her back in tiny circles. "Fletcher, I do have feelings for Roger. I always will. Just as you still have feelings for Maeve."

"That's not fair," He yelled. "Maeve is dead. She can only haunt us, Roger can show up on our doorstep in the flesh and you could easily go back to him."

"Fletcher" Holly's voice was soft. "I had that chance. In fact, I've had many chances to go back to Roger but every time I do it doesn't work out. Fletcher, I learned more about love in the few short months we were together than I ever did with Roger. I don't want Roger, and had you either stayed the night you found him in my bed, or had you knocked instead of throwing a rock you'd have known that and you could have been a part of this from the beginning."

He wanted to believe her, but was afraid. "You should call Blake." He said, lifting himself off of the bed. From behind him he could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head as he put his coat on. Outside he heard what sounded like a snow plow. He opened the door and was immediately blinded by two headlights coming towards the front porch. "Hey there" The driver called out, jumping out of his truck, a clear path behind him. "Is that your car back there?"

"Yes, it got stuck in a snowbank, I was going to call a tow service once the snow stopped."

"No, no, I plowed you out, and the road is cleared from the store up to this cabin."

"How did you know anyone was up here?" Fletcher asked, still confused.

"My grandparents own the general store. They called and told me there was a pregnant lady heading up where, and well, Grandma has this sixth sense thing going on. She told me that I better get my truck in gear because she thought the lady may need to get to a hospital"

Fletcher broke out into a wide grin. "Tell your grandmother she wasn't wrong. The baby, a girl, was born about 90 minutes ago."

"Merry Christmas and congratulations" The driver said before he climbed back into his cab. Fletcher hugged himself, unsure if it was to stave off the cold, or to center himself either way he knew what he had to do. He went inside as Holly was hanging up the phone. "The road has been plowed. We should be able to get you two to the hospital soon."

"I think I'd like to get a shower, freshen up some if you can hold her." Holly smiled at the perfectly content child in her arms. "Margaret Meredith Reade, I'd like to introduce you to your father."

"Margaret, your middle name, and Meredith for my sister. That's nice, Holly, thank you."

"It was Blake's suggestion actually, but I think I am going to call her Meg."

"Meg huh? I like it." Fletcher bent down, and picked Meg up from the bed. "Hello there Miss Margaret "Meg" Reade. I am your Daddy."

ONE YEAR LATER

"I'm coming Meg" Holly called out from under her comforter when she heard Meg crying in her nursery. She rolled over in her bed, and brushed a hand over the empty spot beside her. "I'm coming" She called out again. Across the hall Meg stood in her crib holding onto the top rail. Her whimpers dissolved into "Dadda, Dadda, Dadda" when Holly reached out for her. "I'm sorry sweetie, but you're stuck with Mama." She kissed the top of her strawberry blond head. "Do you know what today is? It's your birthday!" Holly said cheerfully. "Dadda?" Meg asked again.

Holly carried Meg to the living room which was decorated for both Meg's first birthday party and Christmas. The tree, the largest Holly had ever had in her window stood tall and proud. Its multicolored lights twinkled off the multi-colored babbles that hung from the tips. Holly carried Meg to the tree and looked out the window. "Look Meg Pie, it's snowing, just like last year" she said wistfully.

Later in the afternoon as Holly was setting out paper plates the door sprung open. "Dadda!" Meg exclaimed. "Sorry honey, it's just me."

"Hi Blake, thank you for coming to help set up."

"My pleasure. Ross has the balloons. Where would you like the cake?"

"Over there" Holly pointed. "And how are you feeling?"

"As big as a house. Thank you. I haven't slept a whole night in weeks."

"Just wait til they are born. This is just practice"

Blake looked around to see if there was anything else to be done. "Has Fletcher called?"

"No, and I don't expect him to." Holly answered. "Why?" Ross entered at that moment with twelve balloons that said "Happy First Birthday" and one that said "Baby's First Christmas."

"Happy Birthday Meg!"

"Dadda?"

Holly rolled her eyes. "Her new favorite word. No Meg, not Dadda" Ross grinned. "I can't wait to hear my boys say that to me." He looked at Holly and Blake. "Sorry. Where should I put these?" Holly showed him where they were to go and then announced that she was going to get the party girl dressed. "If people start coming before I'm done, please get them started on food." She instructed Blake.

When Meg and Holly returned from the nursery they were greeted by Ed and Maureen. "Happy birthday sweetie." Maureen reached a hand out to Meg who smacked at it. "Can I hold you?" She asked in a sing-song voice. "Of course you can." Holly handed her off and watched as Maureen carried her over to the tree to admire the ornaments. Ed hung back and stood with Holly. "Everything looks great. I'm sorry Michelle isn't here. Vanessa is having a party and Bill asked if she would be his date." Ed put a hand over his heart. "Dating. Can you believe it?" Holly smiled, but shook her head no.

"It's getting late, has Fletcher called?"

"No he hasn't."

"I'm sorry, I won't ask again." He held his hands up.

Finally, it was time to cut the cake. Holly sat Meg in her high chair and everyone started to sing "Happy Birthday to you" As Blake presented her with a smash cake. Just as she set it on the tray the door burst open. Everyone turned to stare, even Meg who was ready to put a fist into the creamy white and pink icing that adorned her cake.

"I'm sorry we're late. We didn't miss it did we?"

Holly's eyes teared up as she went to the door. "Mom?"

"In the flesh dear." She quickly hugged Holly and threw her wool wrap off. "Now where is my newest Grand daughter?" Holly pointed to the high chair.

"How did you manage this?" Holly turned and said to Fletcher who was balancing two suitcases and a very large wrapped package. "It wasn't easy." He put the suitcases by the door and closed it. "Ben's flight was early, your mothers late but here we are. Home sweet home, and in time for the cake." He wrapped Holly in his arms.

"Not that, I knew you were picking up Ben, but how on Earth did you manage mother?"

He kissed her temple. "She called last week, and got me instead as it was your day to be in the office. She asked about Meg's birthday and I told her the plan. So she decided since she missed our wedding that she was coming for the party. By the way, she will be here till Valentine's Day."